05x26 - Lies, Cries and One Big Prize

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Total Drama". Aired: July 8, 2007 to present.*
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Canadian animated comedy of teenagers who compete in a reality show in parody of reality shows.
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05x26 - Lies, Cries and One Big Prize

Post by bunniefuu »

Chris:

Previously on "total drama:"

Shawn, sugar and sky

Created their own challenges.

Sky came up with hurdles.

Shawn jumped'em.

Sugar collected'em.

Shawn's treetop race

Was more entertaining

Than a sawing monkey!

Not only did sugar win,

She had flung doing it!

(Laughs)

So it all came down

To sugar's challenge:

A talent show.

Sheriff sky belch-blasting

Targets to bits.

We were all moved

By shawn's armpit opera!

And when sugar combined rap

And country music...

Well, it was something

I will never forget.

See ya! (Laughs)

Down to from

'Cause now we're sugar free.

But it'll still be sweet

To see who gets b*at,

So grab a seat.

There's one million bucks

On the line!

It's finale time!

On "total drama pahkitew

Island!"

♪♪♪

♪ I wanna be

I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna be

I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

(Whistling chorus)

Sky:

Ugh. Sleep!

Come on, sleep!

Argh!

What is going on!

I've never had trouble sleeping

Before a big competition.

The only difference this time

Is I could win a million

Dollars.

Ya. It's probably the money.

I bet shawn's having

The same problem.

(Snoring)

(Laughs, snores)

(Startled gasp)

Bwah-gah! Woo!

Training myself to sleep

With my eyes open.

I read that you still

Take-in info

And alert your brain

To wake you up

If there's danger.

And come in pretty handy during

A nighttime zombie att*ck!

Or if you fall asleep

Riding your bike.

Danger! Oh! Ow! Oooh!

Totally works!

Chris: (pa system)

(Air horn honks)

Sky and shawn:

Meeting area. Now.

Yes! Today I fire one

Of you from a cannon

And then start my vacation!

And you'll hand one of us

A million dollars!

I haven't forgotten, sky!

I'm just focusing on the parts

That bring me the most joy,

Okay!?

Have you decided

What the challenge is

That which I'll win with...be?

Wow.

English much? Boom!

Ha!

I am so do english much!

Aw, man!

If I may continue,

Your final challenge

Is so demanding,

The lawyers insisted each

Of you get a helper.

Meh, it's not a horrible idea.

I mean, maybe they'll be able

To help us find your bodies.

So, which of the past

Contestants

Would you like as your helper?

Jasmine has the best skill set

But she likes shawn,

So I can't trust her

To help me win. Hmmm...

My preference based strictly

On physical ability?

Jasmine, rodney, dave, samey,

Topher, scarlett, amy,

Max, beardo, sugar...

Anyone but leonard.

I choose rodney!

Chris:

Choose? (Laughs)

No no no no no no no.

Shawn:

But you asked us who we-

Chris:

I know, I asked who you wanted.

I did that to be mean.

(Laughs)

Your helpers will be

Selected thusly.

When you press this button

The possible helpers will flash

Across the screen.

Whoever's face it stops on -

Is your helper.

Blah!

Eeeee!

Sky:

Can we decline

To use a helper?

No. But you do get one chance

To pass and spin again.

Just to make things

Interesting.

Who goes first will be decided

By a coin toss.

Ow!

Chris:

Shawn wins.

Let's see who you get,

Zombie boy!

Shawn:

Yes. No. Yes. Ugh...

Woo-hoo!

Jasmine?! Sweet!

I'll stick with her!

Chris:

Sky, you're up.

Dave!

(Groans)

(Uncomfortable)

Things ended pretty badly, so,

Um, maybe I'll just try again.

Are ya worried

He wouldn't help you

Because you rejected his love

In front of everyone

And then failed to even

Say goodbye to him

After he sacrificed himself

For you?

No more chances.

What you get is what you get...

And your helper will be...

Dave!

Wow.

What're the odds? (Chuckle)

(Moans)

Are you kidding me?!

Chris:

Sky gets dave

And shawn gets jasmine.

(Helicopter rotors b*at)

Shawn: (giggle)

There was a flippy screen.

Landed on you

And was like bam!

Yes! Totally!

Jasmine:

Totally!

Dave:

Did you...

Land on me right away too?

Sky:

Uh...

Chris:

Oh dave (laughs) funny story-

Sky:

Chris please don't-

Chris:

Sky landed on you,

Took another spin,

Landed on you again

And then whined...

Kinda like this:

"Ugh, are you kidding me?"

Sorry you got stuck with me.

I'll-i'll try to not

Get in your way.

(Snort chuckle)

This'll be like taking candy

From a very sad baby.

Me against shawn was fine!

But shawn and jasmine!

To have any sh*t of winning,

I need dave to be at his best.

I gotta do something!

(Kissing)

What was- why-

You kissed me!?

I passed on you

Because I wanted to focus

On the challenge.

That's hard when you're

Teamed up with someone

You wanna go on a date with.

Dave:

You wanna go

On a date with me?

Sky:

Can you help me win

This challenge?

Dave:

You bet I can!

I am so, like, confused

About what the what

Is with sky and dave.

I mean, like, whaaaat?

Chris:

Ahem! Reunions over?

Good.

Time for your final challenge!

I have endearingly titled it

"The double duo

Of deadly dying death!"

Dave:

(Gulps) is it dangerous?

(Sighs)

"The double duo of deadly

Dying dangerous death!"

Dave:

It's gonna be dangerous.

He was brighter before,

Wasn't he?

Chris:

Since scarlett went crazy

And changed the island

Completely

By wreaking havoc in the secret

Underground control room-

Dave:

Um?

Chris:

No time to explain, dave!

We've yet to explore

All the wonderful

And bizarre dangers

The island's new landscape

Has to offer.

Until now.

Shawn and sky,

With assistance

From your helpers,

You will race across

The island.

First one to cross the finish

Line will receive...

One. Million. Dollars!

All:

Woo! All right! Yes! Oh ya!

Chris:

And all you have to do

Is survive a foot plummet

From an ice cliff,

Successfully learn to breathe

While submerged in mud,

And then sprint miles

Across a wide open field

Where I am absolutely sure

No harm will come to you.

(Long laugh to a slow stop)

The point I'm making is that

There's a decent chance

You may not survive this.

All:

(Worried whimpers) oh.

Chris:

For the first part

Of the challenge

The lawyers insisted you wear

Helmets to protect your brains.

I mean, who knows, someday

You might start using them.

When you get to the top

Of the mountain

It'd be a good idea

To build a bobsled

Or it'll be a very rough

Ride down.

Grab a rope!

Your challenge begins now!

(Air horn sounds)

All:

Whoo! All right! Whoa! Ahhhh!

Chris:

Good luck! Stay safe!

Are things I'd say

If I cared!

Dave:

Whoa! Oof!

Shawn:

Aw man! We're supposed to build

A bobsled out of this junk?!

Jasmine:

Forget about the bobsled!

Jump on!

Shawn:

Wooo-whoo!

Sky:

We're falling behind!

Dave:

Let's just do what they did!

Get on!

Sky:

I don't know

If I like this idea.

Well, do you like the idea

Of losing a million dollars?

Sky:

Go! Go! Go!

Jasmine:

Ha ha! There's no way they'll

Catch up to us n-paff!

Oww! Aghh!

I can't see!

Shawn:

Left! Right! Ahhhh!

Jasmine:

Ow! Ooo!

Shawn:

Right!

(Teeth chatter)

Sky:

We're gaining on them!

They keep hitting moguls.

We have to go around them

Though,

We're too light to go

Through them!

If jasmine can do it,

So can i!

Sky:

Dave. No!

Dave and sky:

Whoaaa!

Jasmine's a bit more solid

Than me

But I plan to start bulking up

When I get back home.

(Snort)

You know, work out,

Eat more... Carbs?

Look! This story's gonna

Have a happy ending!

The boy gets the girl,

The girl gets the money!

That sounds wrong.

Sky:

Whoa!

Dave and sky:

Oof!

Dave and sky:

Wahhh! Oooff!

Dave and sky:

Ahhhhhhh!

Shawn:

Awes-s-some work jasm-mine.

C'mon!

Jasmine:

(Teeth chatter, shivers)

(Effort grunts)

Dave:

Ow. Icy...

Great! We're trapped!

I knew that was a bad idea!

Dave:

(Crying) I feel awful.

I was supposed to help you,

Not... Not help you.

(Sighs)

It's not your fault, dave.

And I need to tell you

Something,

'Cause I feel bad too and-

Dave:

Not even that adorable

Kitten is cheering me up.

Sky:

Kitten?

Hey! Catbot!

Yeah, I'm talking to you,

Ya hideous flea bag!

...catbot?

Dave:

Sky, what are you do-

Sky:

Shh! I'm getting us out!

Just be ready to duck!

So... Are you programmed

To lick your butt

And poop in a box too?

Ha ha!

Sky:

Duck!

(Flame whooshes)

Dave:

That was one bad kitty.

Chris:

This finale's outta control!

Sky's yelling at kittens,

Dave has cried twice already,

And jasmine punched a snowman

In the face

That turned out to be her!

Stay tuned, someone is leaving

Here a millionaire!

It's the finale of

"Total drama pahkitew island!"

Chris:

Welcome back!

Shawn and helper jasmine

Are the first to arrive here,

At the world's largest mud

Puddle.

It's feet deep

And yards across.

And since it's too thick

To swim through,

The only way to the other side

Is with one of you piggybacking

The other.

Shawn:

Um, won't the person

On the bottom drown?

Chris:

Yes.

Jasmine:

Ummmm...

Chris:

Unless they use

This garden hose!

Jasmine:

Ugh. I think we're both safer

If you go on my shoulders.

Shawn:

Oh come on, I could totally-

Fine, you're right.

But are you cool with this?

I mean, you're doing

All the hard stuff here.

Jasmine:

Of course I'm fine with it,

After I was eliminated

I thought it was over for me.

But here we are,

Together in the finale.

If we win we can still

Split the money.

Yaaaa. I'd kinda forgotten

About that.

Well, ya but, technically

It's sky and I in the finale.

Like, you and dave

Are just the helpers.

I'd split it with you

If I could!

But the rules are pretty

Clear so-

Chris:

Actually, I never made

Any rules about that

So I guess if you wanted to,

You could split the money.

Jasmine:

Yes! We can still do it!

Whoo!

Chris:

Isn't it great, shawn?!

Isn't it?!

Shawn:

Aw, yaaaaaay.

Worst helper choice ever!

(Groans)

It's not selfish.

I'm doing this for her too!

My goal of us not being

Eaten by zombies

Outweighs her stupid idea

For the money.

I'll try to word that better.

My cage fighting school slash

Flower shop dream

Is still alive thanks to shawn.

He's the best thing

That's ever happened to me!

(Splat)

Dave: (babbling)

No. No no no! No!

How clean is this mud?

Is it just mud?

For real-real mud?!

Sky:

Please, we're falling behind!

Let's go already!

Dave: (still babbling)

'Cause last time I was under

An outhouse

And the mud was actually-whoa!

(Groans)

In all the excitement

I forgot that I'm terrified

Of confined spaces.

Like, say,

Being submerged in mud!!!

Jasmine:

(Panicked breathing)

Shawn:

Whoa. What-wrong way.

Jasmine?

You're going the wrong way!

Hey! Whoa! Are you running?!


No! Stop!

Dave:

Why are they coming back?

We had the lead!

Turn! A! Round!

Dave, shawn:

Oo-oof! Guh!

Dave:

What are you doing?!

Get off of me!

Shawn:

Hey! Watch it!

(Slapping grunts)

Chris:

Boring!

Deploy the . Model.

(Whooshing, roars)

Dave, shawn:

Ahhhh!

(Splat, coughing)

Tied with shawn. Boom!

I have a real sh*t

At winning this!

Jasmine's done

All the hard work so far.

Maybe I should split

The money with her.

(Coughing, gurgling)

We're all tied up!

It's the perfect time

For a little break.

Jasmine, dave, grab a seat.

Chris:

I'm gonna show you some of my

Favourite clips from the show!

Shawn:

A flower shop

And cage fighting school?!

Could she have a worse plan

For the money?

(Gasps)

Uh, not gonna happen!

I need the whole million.

Half's no good!

Worst helper choice ever!

(Sighs)

It's not selfish.

I'm doing this for her too!

My goal of us not being eaten

By zombies

Outweighs her stupid idea

For the money.

I'll try to word that better.

I wonder if he found

Better way to word it?

But I changed my mind.

I did! Where's that clip?!

Sky:

Heh. That's why I've been

Careful

About what I blab

In confessional.

You can't give chris a*mo

Or he'll-

Chris:

Dave, I would hate for you

To feel left out, so...

Sky:

Hi. I'm sky.

Sky:

My audition tape?

Why would he-

Chris:

Let's get to the good part.

Sky:

But if I do get on the show

I'll really miss

My boyfriend keith.

(Gasp) oh, no!

My boyfriend was in the room

When I made the audition tape.

I had to say that.

Truth is I was going to dump

Him before I left,

But ran out of time and-

I really like dave!

Ohhh...

I messed this up big time!

I am so, like, confused

About what is going on

With dave and sky!

I mean, like, did you,

Like, hear that!?

Like? Heh heh heh.

Chris:

Maybe he missed it.

I'll really miss my boyfriend

Keith (rewind)

...my boyfriend keith (static)

...my boyfriend keith (static)

(Slow motion)

...my boyfriend keith (static)

Sky:

Dave, I can explain-

Dave:

Rrrrrahhh!

That was the but?!

But I have a boyfriend?!

A boyfriend?!!

Shawn:

Jasmine, I changed my mind.

I will split the money!

I want to!

You have to believe me!

I will never

Believe you again!

(Bursts out crying)

Sky:

I do have a boyfriend,

But he's not the one

And when I met you i-

Dave:

Don't care!

(Air horn sounds)

I'm sorry but I am

Out of popcorn,

So we should probably get

Back to the challenge.

Dave, jasmine:

Seriously?!

Chris:

Obviously the helpers

Aren't going to be very

Helpful anymore so,

Instead of being helpers

Jasmine and dave

Will now be hinderers!

The island is now back online

And with these controllers

They will be able to throw up

Obstacles to slow you down

Or completely crush you.

Sweet!

Okay.

Shawn, sky:

(Gulp)

Chris: (laughs)

That was the good part.

Let me tell you the bad part.

You have minutes to finish

This challenge,

If neither of you do,

Jasmine and dave get

To split the money!

Shawn, sky:

What?! You can't do that!

Chris:

I can. I will. I am! Go!

(Air horn blows)

I could still open my cage

Fighting school

Slash flower shop?

Dave:

Your what?

That is the coolest idea

I have ever heard.

Horrible idea.

Who gets into a fight

With flowers?

I never had a plan

For the money but now I do.

I'm gonna light it on fire

In front of sky.

Does that seem too bitter?

(Rockets whoosh)

Shawn:

Rocket trees?!

Sky:

Whoa!

(Thunder rolls)

Sky:

Oh, come on!

Shawn:

Uh oh.

This is so much fun!

I don't want shawn to win,

Obviously.

But I don't want to see him

Hurt either.

Well, not badly.

(Lightning strikes)

Ahhhh!

Oof!

(Shawn grunts in pain)

(Cheering)

Oof!

(Shawn laughs)

Jasmine:

The way they treated us

Was cold

So this seems appropriate...

I guess.

(Wind howls)

Sky:

I c-c-can see

The fin-finish line.

Shawn:

They're n-not making

This e-easy!

Sky:

Ww-wwould you?!

Chris:

Ohhhh...

They're getting close!

Dave:

(Effort grunt)

Chris: (over speakers)

Two minutes left! Two minutes!

Shawn!

Sky:

Ooh! I'm gonna make it!

(Grunts)

Not before me!

If I win this thing

Maybe jasmine and I

Still have a sh*t.

Sky:

Sorry,

That ain't happening!

Bad news, guys,

It's all uphill from here!

(Cracking)

Shawn, sky:

Whoaaa! Arghhhh!!!

Shawn:

Ah, crud.

(Echoes) crud...

(Laughs)

Seconds left!

Shawn:

Well, I guess she's gonna

Get her

Flower shop fighting school.

Good for you, jasmine.

Sky:

It's not fair!

No no no no no!

(Screaming)

Jasmine: (gasps) shawn!

Dave: oh yaaaa!

, , ...

... , , .

Game over!

(Sounds air horn)

Oh yeah!

Jasmine:

Is shawn okay?!

Dave:

Who cares! We won!

Chris:

Congratulations.

Revenge is sweetest-

Whoa, what have we here?!

Jasmine:

(Gasps)

Nooooooooo!

Jasmine:

Shaa-aaaaawn! Agh!

Chef:

Ahh!

I got this for you.

I hope we can still-

Shawn:

(Gasps)

Did i..?

Jasmine:

You won!

Shawn:

No! We won.

If you're still okay with

Splitting the money then-

Mmmph!

(Kissing)

Chris:

That's it for this very,

Very off season.

This is chris maclean,

Saying if you can't stand

The pain,

Stay off the

"Total drama pahkitew island!"

Did we forget something?

At least things

Can only go up from here.

(Ferocious growling)

(Sighs) of course...
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