03x06 - Agent of Chaos

[bunniefuu]

♪

FELIX: So, I put on my boxers,

and then I realize that
I put it on backwards,

so the fly is in the back.

- And then it came to me...
- VICTOR: Mm-hm.

- Butt fly, right?
- Yeah.

So, your sister's still mad at me?

- Yeah, she's never really been one for subtlety.
- Yeah.

- That's Benji. Hide me, hide me!
- Oh, okay. Why, why?!

Because I don't want to
talk to him right now.

- Make yourself bigger!
- How? I am naturally dainty.

Okay!

Uh, what was that?

I saw Benji last night, which was great,

until his dad showed up, and
told me to stay away from him.

Well, join the club.
We're bad boys now, Victor.

Should we start a club? The
Daddy Don't Like Me Squad?

He said that I was bad for Benji.

And that I "create chaos".

Okay, that is absurd. You,
my friend, are a ray of light.

Thanks, man, but I don't know. I'm
startin' to think maybe he's right.

I feel like everyone I'm
close to, I wind up hurting.

Okay, name one person.

Mia.

You were figuring out your sexuality.
That's your God-given right.

Okay, Rahim.

You were... choosing between
two hotties. That happens.

And then, of course,
there's, there's Benji.

Like, all of my family
stuff was so stressful

that he wound up relapsing.

Okay, yeah, when you
lay it out like that,

you do sound a teensy bit
like an agent of chaos.

- Yeah, I know.
- Do you guys mind keeping the personal banter down?

Class hasn't even started yet, Liam.

God. It's like he wants
people to hate him.

Good morning, class!

Today, we will begin an
exciting new group project

exploring protein synthesis.

[ALL GROAN]

Ya think this is my dream morning?

I wanted to be a dancer.

All right, everyone,
choose groups of three.

Hey... why don't we
partner up with Liam?

- I mean, I, I know he's a little...
- Horrible, yeah.

Well, he just looks so lonely.

No, you're trying to do a mitzvah

to prove you're not an agent of chaos.

What's a mitzvah?

Dude, we really need to get
you on the Mrs. Maisel train.

Hey, Liam... Do you
wanna be our partner?

Really? Thanks.

Ah, you know, I'm gonna
ask the guidance counselor

if working with you two dummies
counts as community service.

Oh my God.

♪ Somebody to tell me
it'll be all right ♪

♪ Somebody to tell me
it'll be just fine ♪

♪ If someone has been there before ♪

♪ Say it right now, 'cause
I just need to hear it ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

So, I just took another
SAT practice test

and the results were... not pretty.

But you're pretty.

Aww, cute, but not helpful.

Wanna do a study sesh tonight?
We can make some flashcards.

- Please?
- Okay, fine.

You guys?

Oh, absolutely not.
My jump sh*t is my SAT.

- [PHONE RINGING]
- Uh, sorry. One second.

Hi.

What?!

Wha... Um, I... Wait, I thought,

I thought she wasn't due
for another three weeks.

Um, oh, yeah, of course, um.

Call me when you can.

Love you.

Veronica's in labor.

- [LAKE GASPS]
- Whoa, Baby Brooks comin' in hot!

So, are you not excited about this?

Yeah, um, but I was
supposed to be there.

You know, I, I booked my
ticket already and everything,

and now I'm, I'm just
gonna miss the whole thing.

Right. So, you'll miss the birth.

What's important is you're
gonna be a big sister.

Yeah, and since I'm your sister,
that means I'll be the baby's auntie.

Uh, wait, if you're my sister,

wouldn't that make you
the baby's sister, too?

This is why I need to study.

Pilar... Hey, Pilar, Pilar, hey, hey.

Um, look, I know you're pissed.

I just... I, I, I think
we should talk about it.

Okay, fine. Let's talk.
Do you wanna be with me,

or are you still too scared
of making my dad angry?

To be fair, your dad's already angry.

I-I'm scared of making him angrier.

Goodbye, Felix.

[SIGHS]

Oh, look, we are eating lunch with Liam.

You know, this day is just
getting better and better.

Well, I figured it'd be good
for us to get to know each other.

- Okay, well, here's all you need to know about me.
- Mm.

I have never gotten less
than an A on anything,

and I don't intend to start now.

I need to become valedictorian,
so that I can go to Harvard,

and then, you know,
obviously Harvard Law,

and then, become the President.

Oh, well, you certainly
have the personality for it.

[PHONE TRILLS]

Um... Oh!

Just remembered I actually
have an AP Lit quiz to cram for.

- I will see you two later.
- Um, yeah, see you later.

Oh my God.

Hey, isn't that the sound
your gay dating app makes?

Liam is in the closet.

That explains why he's so
uptight and pushes everyone away.

Oh, he's not a d*ck. He just wants d*ck.

He probably just needs
someone to talk to,

and I could be that someone.

I could be his Simon.

Oh yeah, that's right. Simon.
What ever happened to that guy?

♪

Okay, mi lindo.

What is the difference between
a dictatorship and an oligarchy?

No idea. What is it?

Oh... well, obviously, I know,

but if I told you that would
be cheating, so look it up.

- Hey, guys.
- Hi.

Oh, wow.

No loud, angry music
coming from Pilar's room.

Yeah, she's not home. I
let her hang out with Rahim.

What?

But we agreed she'd come
straight home after school.

You can't just change the
rules without telling me.

I know, but our daughter
has been miserable

since we forbid her to see Felix,
and I thought she needed a friend.

What she needs... is to
learn not to lie to us.

Now, you call her right now
and tell her to come home.

- Honey, I think it's okay.
- I don't care what you think.

- I'll call her myself if you won't do it.
- Fine. Go do it.

I didn't realize that we
we're living in a dictatorship.

Or an oligarchy. I lied. I
don't know the difference.

♪

Ugh, these apps are a hellscape.

Why can't I just have an
old fashioned "meet-cute"

where a hot stranger and I
reach for the same kombucha

in the grocery store?
Is that so hard to ask?

- Enough!
- Oh my God, chill.

I was, literally, complaining
for, like, a second.

Not you. Felix.

He won't stop with the apology memes.

I mean, either man up and date
me behind my father's back,

or leave me alone.

I know we're mad at Felix,
but at least he has a face.

- Mm.
- Mm-hm.

- [PHONE BUZZING]
- Oh, good. The other guy I'm furious at.

- What?
- ARMANDO [ON PHONE]: Come home right now, young lady.

- I'm with Rahim. Mom said I could.
- I don't care what she said.

I want you in your room in minutes.

Goodbye.

Whoa... that was badass.

Mom? Dayi? Uh.

- What are you doing here?
- Your uncle wanted coffee,

and you're always raving about this
place and their chile mocha latte.

What is this ridiculous purple
jacket? This is a woman's jacket.

- Uh, I...
- It's mine. I lent it to Rahim

since it's so cold in here.

And you wanted to wear this?

- Well, um...
- Yes...

because Pilar is Rahim's girlfriend,

and they share everything, even jackets.

- Uh, Mom, can I talk to you for a second?
- Mm-hm.

- So, you are his girlfriend?
- I'm sorry, I panicked.

He flies back to Tehran tomorrow.

Let him think you have
girlfriend, eh? What's the harm?

PILAR: Okay, sure.

- Love to.
- FARZAD: Great.

Rahim, Pilar is wonderful.

I invited her to my
farewell dinner tonight.

- Should we go try the chile mocha latte?
- Of course, of course.

It's fine.

I'd rather be your fake girlfriend
than see my real father, so.

♪

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Oh, hi! Come in. You
must be Victor's friend.

"Friend" is a bit much.
Let's go with colleague.

- Okay... Victor, your colleague is here!
- Thanks.

Oh! Hey, Liam. I'm so
glad you could make it.

Yeah, like I said, I just need
to get an A on this project.

Is Felix coming?

Um, no, no. He's, he's not
gonna be able to make it,

um, but I just didn't want
you to do this project alone.

You're not alone.

Okay, weirdo.

Hey, do you have any
unsweetened iced tea?

Don't answer that. Probably not.

You seem like you're always
hyped up on refined sugar.

Where is your room?

He's going through something.

She's still not home.

I told her to come home
and she's just... not.

We have totally lost control here.

Hm. I would weigh in here, but
since you don't care what I think.

I'm sorry I said that. Of
course, I care what you think.

Okay? It's just that I'm...

so mad at Pilar.

- Are you, Mando?
- Yes, of course.

All the lying and sneaking around...

Is exactly what we were doing
when we were two teenagers in love.

The way you're acting... this
isn't just overprotective dad.

Makes me wonder...

if you're thinking about...

Camila.

What? No... No, that's,
that's not what this is about.

All right.

♪

Hey, your dad is going to call
with an update as soon as he can.

He's probably just...
massaging Veronica's placenta.

Ew, what?

Is that not something
people do during labor?

Okay, um, repudiate.

Easy. To pudiate something again.

You're adorable when
you're clueless, but no.

Repudiate is "to refuse to accept".

As in, "Every decent college
is going to repudiate us

if we don't learn what
these frickin' words mean".

I need a break.

Do you think that he's not calling
because there's something wrong?

Do you think that the
hospital would know to call me

if there was something wrong?

I don't think that anything is wrong.

Yeah... you're probably right.

Yeah.

[SIGHS] I just can't
believe I'm missing this.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

So, Rahim, how did you
meet this lovely young lady?

Well, we spent the summer
working the same job

selling pretzels at the mall.

We bonded over our mutual
love for Billie Eilish,

who is a very famous
American hockey player.

- Ah.
- Yes, hockey.

Our favorite sport with
the skating and pucks.

- [GRUNTS] Oh!
- Oh my God! This is a designer sweater.

I mean, who cares about
designer? Not... this... bro.

I am so... so sorry.

Hey, we've met before, at
that Creekwood girl's party.

Uh, sorry. I don't remember.

A-actually, yeah, you
spilled on me, so...

I guess now we're spill buddies.

Uh, can you please
get me some club soda?

- Yeah, right on it.
- Thank you.

What was this party? Not
an American beer party.

[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]

- That waiter was hitting on you.
- What? No, he wasn't.

Of course, he was, dum-dum.
I mean, "spill buddies"?

Nobody says anything that lame
unless they're crushing hard.

Oh my God, oh my God. You're right.

I spilled on him. He spilled on me.

That was my meet-cute. I
just missed my meet-cute.

Uh, this is just a simple
model I made of the protein.

Obviously, the real one
won't be so rudimentary.

Yeah, obviously.

Um, hey, you know I'm gay, right?

Yeah, yeah. You stood up on a chair

and announced it to the whole school.

- Made me late for class.
- [CHUCKLES]

Yeah, um... well, before
that, I was in the closet,

and I felt... really alone.

And then I started
messaging this guy, Simon...

I'm sorry. Why're you
telling me all this?

Liam, I, I heard the
app on your phone today.

Oh, um...

Well, it's not, it's not like I'm...

- N... no, no, no. Liam, Liam, Liam.
- I just... I, I, don't, like, do any...

It-it's, it's okay.

Let, let me be here for you.

No, no, no, no.

- That was not, That was not the...
- Oh. I thought, um...

I mean, you really made it
seem like you wanted that.

No. No, Liam, Liam, I,
I, I just wanted to help.

I didn't ask for your help!

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

Why couldn't you have
just left me alone?

[TV PLAYING]

Hey, Mama. You look nice.

Thank you. Going to evening mass.

What's goin' on with Dad?

I think your sister broke him.

[CHUCKLES]

Can I go to church with you?

Is this happening? Is this a dream?

- Please don't make a big deal outta this.
- Oh, gracias a dios.

I never thought I'd see the day.

- I'm gonna go grab my jacket, so.
- Hurry, let's go.

I did it!

Oh, I was just about to
bring you your club soda.

It's fine... really.

Look, I am so sorry if
I was intense back there.

Weird night. One of those
"fake date your bestie

to convince your h*m* uncle
that you're straight" scenarios.

Is your fake girlfriend for hire?

Will she come to my
grandma's for Easter?

[LAUGHS] Um,

it has come to my attention that
I may have missed our meet-cute.

Ah, no sh*t. Nice of
you to finally notice.

Maybe I can get your number?

Before I have to go back
to the old ball and chain?

Yeah.

I'm Connor by the way.

Rahim.

I gotta run.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

So, Pilar, tell me, how did Rahim
convince a wonderful girl like you

to go out with him?

- That's a joke.
- PILAR: Oh, I, I don't know.

Uh-oh. You're under Lake's weighted
blanket cuddling a... creepy doll.

Mm, I knitted it for the baby.

Well, come on... I
got a surprise for you.

Okay. [CHUCKLES]

- Okay.
- This will be worth it. I promise.

- Hi!
- Hey, honey!

Oh my God.

Hey, listen, I would've
called you earlier,

but this one... had me running
around looking for ice chips.

"This one" is about
to deliver your baby.

I know, I know.

[CHUCKLES] How did you do this?

I called the hospital and
used my undeniable charm

to convince a lovely nurse
named Diane to bring in an iPad.

- Uh, he Venmo'd her a hundred bucks.
- Yeah, it's charming in its own way.

Thank you.

Okay, we can all agree
that this is very romantic,

but this is called
FaceTime, not VaginaTime.

- Just bring it up.
- [LAUGHING]

I'm serious. Just bring
it up and... Up and in.

Hi.

♪

This is nice. Having
you here with me tonight.

Yeah, it is nice.

So... why are you here?

I don't know.

I... guess I always just like
how quiet church is at night.

It's always been a place where I
could... think about the big things.

You know, like... who
I am and who I wanna be.

Any particular reason you're
thinking about that right now?

Lately... I feel like all I do is
mess things up for everyone in my life.

Like some sort of
clueless wrecking ball.

Hey, that's my favorite
son you're talking about.

- Oldest. I said, "my oldest son".
- [LAUGHING]

Ay, don't be so hard on yourself.

Every teenager is a
clueless wrecking ball.

And the fact that you're
asking yourself these questions,

you're a good man, mijo.

- Yeah, I guess so.
- I know so.

- Victor.
- Nick.

Hey, um, what are you doing here?

I just finished up youth group.

Oh, I have to go talk
to... Jesus about something,

so I'll see you in the car.

Uh, I'm, I'm so glad I ran into you.

I've been wanting to talk to you.

To tell you that I'm...
I'm sorry, Victor,

for how I acted when
we were hanging out.

- Uh... it-it's fine.
- No, it's, it's not.

You wanted to be more
than just a booty call,

and I didn't even give it a sh*t.

Um, but anyway...
I'm, I'm sorry, Victor.

- Like I, I said, it's, it's, it's fine.
- Okay.

- Well, um... I guess I'll see you around.
- Yeah.

♪

- Hi.
- Hi.

Can you sit with me a minute?

I'm done yelling... I promise.

Your mom and I... we were about
your age when we got together.

And I, I know that
things are different now.

Yeah, women can vote.

What I'm trying to say is that

I know what it's like
to be young and in love,

especially when it comes to...

- sex.
- Can we go back to yelling?

Well, we thought we were being careful.

But... it only took one slip-up
for your mom to get pregnant.

She was only one year older than you.

Wait. What?

We're Catholic, so, of
course, we decided to keep it.

We were terrified at first,

but then, found out she was a girl.

So, we started thinking about

putting her in dresses
and taking her to the park.

We even picked out a name for her.

Camila.

And at four months... we lost the baby.

Why didn't you tell me this earlier?

It was a long time ago and your
mom and I barely talk about it.

But I wanted you to know because

I think it's part of the reason
why I'm having so much trouble

- with the idea of you and Felix having...
- Please don't say it again, yeah.

Okay. It's just an adult
decision with adult consequences.

And... I know that you're
becoming a young adult,

but...

I guess sometimes I wish you
would just stay my baby girl.

I wasn't lying to you.

I got the birth control
just to be prepared

- in case Felix and I decided to...
- Pilar,

if you really love Felix,
then you should be together.

Consider your relationship un-forbidden.

[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]

Tonight was a total bust.

The only new word I
learned was "repudiate",

which means...

Damnit!

Babe, just try to relax.

How? How, how are you
so chill about this?

This test defines our entire futures
and yet, you don't seem to care.

Well, actually, it doesn't
define my future, like, at all.

I don't think I'm gonna go to college.

You're not?

I have enough credits to graduate.

Like, early. Like, this spring.

And I have a cousin
who lives in Portland

who says I can stay with her
until I figure things out.

Figure what out?

Like, a job, my own place.

Wait, wait, wait, so you're, like,

planning on permanently moving to
Portland at the end of the semester

and you didn't think, maybe,
that was worth mentioning?

I did mention it, um.

The first night we hung out,

I said I was saving up to get out
of Creekwood as soon as possible,

that I felt stuck here.

I know I haven't brought it up since.

It's just, things have
been so amazing between us.

I just... I didn't wanna ruin it.

MIA [SHOUTS]: You guys! The baby's here!

You okay?

Yeah, yeah. I'm just, um... ruminating.

SAT word. Let's go meet the baby.

Aw, he's so little. I
just wanna squish his face.

This calls for Georgina's
best bottle of champagne.

She's been saving it
for "something special"

for, like, a decade.

You know we can hear you, Lake?

I definitely meant Georgina's
"sparkling apple cider".

I'm gonna give you guys a moment.

Tellin' you, Beans. You gotta
get a whiff of this little guy.

There's nothing in the
world like fresh baby.

Mm, I wish I could
smell through the screen.

Oh, oh, Mia, we have
to go. They're moving us

- to the maternity ward.
- We... we'll, we'll call you later, honey.

- All right? I love you.
- [CALL ENDS]

Oh, this is so weird.

I have a brother... and
I've never even met him.

I guess this is what I wanted.

Getting to stay in Creekwood.

Well... why don't we go meet him?

I'm serious. We can
take the next flight out

and... stay for a few days.

Yeah. A few days. That sounds perfect.

♪

I just wanted to tell you there's
some bastani in the freezer

in case you wanted a little dessert.

No, thanks.

I hate pretending to be someone I'm not.

I know. I'm sorry. It was only because

Farzad would never understand.

I don't care... if he understands.

For years, I wondered
if it was possible for me

to be gay and Iranian and Muslim.

And when you and Baba accepted me,

I finally believed I could
be all of those things.

For the first time in my life,

I was proud.

And then you made me hide again.

Never again.

Never again.

That waiter you were
talking to was very handsome.

- Okay, no, I'm, I'm not doing this
- [LAUGHS]

- with you right now.
- Huh? I told you your boy would come.

It is written.

PILAR: Hey.

Hey.

Are you comin' to see me?

I just wanted to let you know
that my dad and I made up.

He apologized and everything.

[SIGHS] Okay. Oh my God.
All right, that is a relief.

All right, we can finally get
back to being normal... Unpause.

Okay, what-what's wrong?

It was really easy for you
to pick my family over me.

No. No, okay? You're wrong.
All right, that was not easy.

That was... brutal.

Not brutal enough, I guess.

I could've never dropped you like that.

I'm sorry, Felix.

This is over.

Pilar.

["YOUUU" BY COIN PLAYING]

Hey... Liam. It-it's, uh, me, Victor.

I, I just wanted to
call and say I'm sorry.

Um, and, and I'm around
if-if you ever wanna talk.

And if you never wanna talk,
that's... that's fine, too.

Either way, I'll, I'll still vote
for you for President one day.

♪ And I know your downfall ♪

♪ Though we fell apart ♪

- ♪ It was no one's fault ♪
- [PHONE DINGS]

♪ I've gotta make you remember ♪

♪ How hard it was to let me go ♪

♪ Slow dancing with a stranger ♪

What are you doing here?

♪ But it's always been you ♪

- Are those for me?
- Yeah.

Thought you like this
corny, romantic stuff.

I mean, that's cheesy, even for me.

- Okay, yeah, I overdid it.
- [LAUGHS]

Uh, [CHUCKLES]... look, um,

I chickened out at church,
but what I really wanted to say

was, would you like to
go out to dinner sometime?

Uh... you can have these,

and just, just think on it and text me.

♪ She moves just like you ♪

- I'm in.
- ♪ She tastes just like you ♪

♪ But it's always been you ♪

♪ Oh, it's always been you ♪

♪ Oh, it's always been you ♪

♪ Yeah, it's always been you ♪

♪ Oh, it's always been you ♪

- [FOOTSTEPS]
- [LIGHT FLICKS ON]

[FANFARE]