04x02 - Cyborg the Barbarian

[bunniefuu]

[WELDING TORCH BUZZING]

Mega-phonic sound.

Ultra-plasma display.

Phase-shielded amp.

And to top it off, a brand-new, hot-off-the-shelf...

...impossible-to-find-anywhere Game Station X-L.

It's beautiful.

I'm glad you're upgrading ops, Cyborg.

But is any of this actually going to help us fight crime?

Uh... Sure? And for what purpose...

...is this crime-fighting device? Eek!

Evil beware.

We have waffles.

I like this stuff as much as the next guy...

...but don't you think it's a little big?

Come on, guys. This is the future.

If we don't keep up, it'll just leave us behind.

Besides, don't you wanna hear the new equalizer?

Okay. Before anybody says anything, that was totally not my fault.

[YELLING]

[GROANING]

[YELLING]

[GASPS]

[HISSING]

[ALL YELLING]

Titans, do you read me?

Somebody. Anybody. Aah!

Where am I?

When am I?

3000 B. C?

Why do you hide, warrior?

[YELPING]

Fight.

Don't do anything. Don't touch anything.

Sci-fi rule number one.

You start messing with the past, you end up with monkeys ruling the future.

From the future, coming through.

[BEEPING]

[HISSING]

[GRUNTING]

Make way, coward.

Prepare to meet my blade. Aah!

[GRUNTING]

[G U G]

Monkeys or not, it's about time somebody went Bronze Age on your butt.

[YELLS]

Thanks, man. I owe you one.

Then let your debt be repaid in battle.

Stand aside, stranger.

It is my charge to defeat... Unh!

The future says hi.

[YELLS]

I'm sorry, did you want this one?

[YELLING]

Dude, you were awesome.

I am Sarasim, leader of this tribe.

And who is this dude of which you speak?

[CHANTING] Cyborg. Cyborg.

Cyborg. Cyborg.

Cyborg. Cyborg.

Cyborg. Cyborg.

Cyborg. Cyborg. Cyborg.

Okay. Okay. I'm feeling the love.

But would somebody mind telling me how I got here?

I do not know how you came to be here.

But clearly, you have been sent by the ancient ones to help us.

Right.

So when exactly do they send me back?

So e e act y do t ey se d e bac ?

[MEN MUTTERING]

You will stay as our guest.

All that we have is yours.

I appreciate the hospitality, but I'm not even supposed to be here.

You are wrong. Krall, your sword.

But I have fought bravely, leader.

Surely you don't intend... SARASIM: Your sword.

SARASIM: For bravery in battle...

...pure heart in the face of evil...

...and selfless heroism against great peril...

...I declare you, Cyborg, our new champion.

[ALL CHEERING]

Wow, this is amazing.

But the thing is, the nearest recharging station is like 5000 years away.

And I really need one.

Bring forth the feast.

Well, I suppose I could just stick around for dinner.

Witch, show yourself.

I await, my master.

Why must you vex me, old woman?

I woke you from an eternal slumber to serve me.

And that is my every wish.

The creatures I sent...

...they were defeated, yes?

...t ey e e de eated, yes?

But not by me.

I ask you to make me a hero...

...but instead you send foul beasts I cannot vanquish.

I ask you to send me the strength to defeat them...

...and you summon another warrior.

Now he has been made champion...

...and I the fool.

You are to fix this.

WITCH: As you wish.

But know, my master, that every wish has a price.

Come on. Hold together.

Ha-ha! I just discovered electricity.

[expl*si*n]

CYBORG: Or not.

[SARASIM COUGHING]

Cyborg, your conjuring, it frightens my people.

And that is no small feat.

You have seen my people.

You, uh, look different.

We may be a warrior people, but our armor does come off.

Why have you not removed yours? Uh...

My armor really doesn't come off.

That must be a burden. To be a warrior every hour of the day.

You get used to it. I guess.

ou get used to t. guess.

Your experiment. What does it do?

Well, it's supposed to feed my batteries.

All that blasting I did really took it out of me.

If it is food you require, we can provide you with all the sustenance...

Except that's not the kind of food I need.

Look, Sarasim.

I can't survive here.

It's too primitive.

Please, don't take this the wrong way.

I'm glad I was able to help, but I have my own home.

My own battles to fight.

I can't accept this.

The sword is your prize. Keep it.

But before you seek your home, please, let me show you mine.

[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]

[CHILDREN LAUGHING]

You really have something worth fighting for here.

I used to love this time of day. The light. The quiet.

But that was before the invaders came.

Now twilight brings only fear.

Will they return?

Will our defenses hold?

Will this night be our last?

That must be hard.

at ust be a d.

We are warriors, Cyborg. Fear is also our enemy.

And it had almost consumed us.

Until you arrived.

[WHISTLING]

Look out!

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

Infernal witch.

This is not what I had in mind.

To arms. Prepare for battle!

Wait. Your armor.

A true warrior doesn't need armor.

[TOWNSPEOPLE YELLING]

[MAN GRUNTS]

[BEEPING]

Gotta save power. Guess I'm doing this the old-fashioned way.

[YELLING]

Okay. Bad idea.

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

Champion, catch.

[CYBORG GRUNTING]

Now, that's more like it. Aah!

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

[G U G]

There are too many.

We may fall. But let them say we fought with valor.

They will sing of our glory.

[HISSING]

I'd rather have them sing of our winning.

[GRUNTING]

Look at your champion now.

See how he runs away?

[YELLING]

Something's gonna break here, and it's not gonna be me.

[GRUNTING]

[CREAKING]

[YELLING]

[GROANING]

[CHEERING]

Cyborg, you did it.

Yeah, I really did.

You are injured?

I'll be fine.

The village wishes to honor you.

Won't you join us to celebrate victory?

I'd love to. But the thing is...

...the longer I stay, the harder it's gonna be for me to leave.

It would never work for me here.

t ou d e e o o e e e.

I understand. We are too simple.

I am primitive.

No. No. You're amazing.

But just look at me. I'm too different.

We are not so different. See?

Underneath your armor, you are just like me.

I'm really sorry.

Man, you may be from the future...

...but you don't know a thing. KRALL: Hero!

If you wish to return to your own time, you will come with me.

Quickly.

Why are you helping me?

As you say, you do not belong in this world.

Witch.

Your home. Is it not?

That's it, all right.

It was you. You brought me here.

You're responsible for the att*cks too, aren't you?

It was the witch's doing, not mine. Now, go.

I'm not going anywhere.

Last chance. Retreat, outlander.

I got enough juice in my reserve pack for one sh*t.

And that's all it's gonna take.

I don't miss.

do t ss.

[POWERING DOWN]

Okay, that's not supposed to happen.

[YELLING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

I shall be legend.

Witch, I need more power.

Aah! What? What are you doing?

I do as you command, master.

[ROARING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Oh, come on. Come on. Don't give out on me now.

Home is but a step away.

No. Now I wish him to stay. To be destroyed.

[YELLING]

[GROANING]

[CYBORG GROANS]

Welcome back.

Sarasim. I've got power.

How did you...?

But my prototype didn't even work.

Perhaps we are not so primitive after all.

[BEEPING]

Seven percent. Not much, but it's good enough.

Sarasim, there's something you need to know.

Krall. He's behind everything. The att*cks, my being here, all of it.

That is clear to us now.

Our scouts bring word of a terrible army approaching.

He leads it.

And if we're gonna b*at him, we've got work to do.

Then you wish to stay?

Try and stop me.

Sarasim...

...if this doesn't go well, there's something I need to tell you.

Something I should've said before.

You already have.

SARASIM: Stand firm.

This w*r ends tonight.

[KRALL LAUGHING]

SARASIM: Hiding in the shadows?

Are you a coward, Krall?

Come out and fight.

[MEN GRUNTING]

[CYBORG YELLING]

[GRUNTING]

[CYBORG GRUNTING]

[CREATURES HISSING]

SARASIM: You. Coward.

[YELLS]

[GASPS]

Sarasim. Sarasim!

[SARASIM GRUNTING]

I may have failed you as a hero, but I will triumph as your conqueror.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[HELMET WHIRRING]

No! Out of my way!

[YELLING]

[SARASIM GROANING]

[GRUNTING]

Sarasim, don't move!

[POWERING UP]

One sh*t, Cyborg. Make it count.

No!

[CYBORG GRUNTS]

I think it worked.

Cyborg?

Sarasim. No! Send me back.

Cyborg, it is us. Your friends. You are home.

The village. It's under att*ck. They need me.

It was kind of a one-way deal.

Besides, do you have any idea how hard it is...

...to lock on your sonic cannon's frequency from 5000 years away?

I made a promise. They were counting on me.

ade a p o se. ey e e cou t g o e.

Cyborg, I'm sorry. We had no idea.

I didn't even get to say goodbye.

Welcome to the future.

I have something to show you.

Sarasim. She did it.

They won.

Apparently, they had help.

That's you, isn't it?

Interesting. You're the only one without armor.

Yeah. Didn't need it.