01x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

I don't think so, do you?

It's only 29.99.

Yeah, but where will you wear it?

You never do anything except go
to school or study.

Yeah. I've got library books that
have been out more than me.

Exactly.

I mean, why waste your money

on something
that will never get worn, darling?

OK, let's go.

I have to pick up
your dad's athlete's foot powder.

I'd hate to miss that,
but can I meet you at the car?

All right, but don't be long.

I've only got ten minutes left
on the parking.

Excuse me, miss.

I need to look in your bag.

Why?

Can I look in your bag, please?

We've got a runner, boys.

Sorry. Sorry!

# Love is a burning thing

# And it makes a fiery ring

# Bound by wild desire

# I fell into a ring of fire... #

Stop!

# I fell into a burning ring
of fire

# I went down, down, down... #

Sorry!
# And the flames went higher

# And it burns, burns, burns,
the ring of fire

# The ring of fire

# The ring of fire
The ring of fire... #

Rani?

What's going on?

Do you remember what's special
about today, sweetie?

Um, Grampa's coming to stay?

That's right.

Grandpa is funny and charming and
you're gonna like him very much.

But I do need you to remember
one thing while he's here.

I need you to remember that
Grandpa is a lying, thieving,

selfish old bastard.

Good luck. Cheers, mate.
Good luck, bro.

And what is Grandpa?

A lying, thieving,
selfish old bastard.

Who can...?
Who can never be trusted.

Good girl.

CHEERING

Safe travels, Frank.

Greetings and felicitations.
Margie, did you change your hair?

Quite possibly, Frank,

in the eight years
since I last saw you.

This young buck must be Tom.

Hey, dude, what's happening?

Lord, oh, Lord,
who's this beautiful princess?

Holly.

Oh, what a pleasure.

Where are we setting up, please?

Between the hours of 7pm and 6am,
you will remain in this residence

and the light will remain green.

If you travel more than two metres
from this residence,

the light turns red.

Is that clear?

Crystal. What happens
if it turns red?

You get a little visit
from the police.

Ooh.

I'll show myself out.

Thank you for your service.

Why were you in prison?

It was a misunderstanding.

Grandpa misunderstood that you can't
forge signatures on cheques.

Oooh... Ah!

What's a cheque?

All right, yep, yep. I do.

Can I speak? Thank you.
I'm asking for two poxy weeks.

No phones allowed. What?

Back through the machine.
Empty your pockets.

All right, Captain, slow down.
Just a middle-aged white man.

All I'm carrying are keys
and unwanted back fat.

No, listen, no.

The Chinese deal is going through.
No phones allowed.

What? No phones allowed.

No phones allowed.
I have to call you back.

And the bag. And the bag!

Listen, I'm a businessman
from Bristol, not a jihadi bride.

SCANNER BEEPS

Are you wearing a belt?

I am wearing a belt.

Yes, I like it
when my trousers stay up. That OK?

Thank you.
Where am I going please?

Be careful, darling.
Just do whatever they tell you.

This way.

Hi there. I'm Greg.

I'm 6'7" tall
and, no, it's not in proportion.

If it was in proportion,
I'd be 8'3".

Greetings and felicitations.
High pockets!

What's tickin', chicken?

Uh, it's finger-lickin', chicken.

Good morning, ladies. Can I just
say? You're both looking beautiful.

No, you can't.

He can't tell you
that you're beautiful?

We didn't ask him
for a verdict on our appearance.

Sorry, but I say it like I find it.

And, ladies, you're both
a right couple of swooners.

Attention! Sit.

Some people...

..think that Community Payback
is an easy option.

A soft touch.

Newsflash -

it ain't.

You will repay your debt to society
by working the number of hours

mandated by the court.

My name is Diane Pemberley.
I'm your supervisor.

And I can be a good guy...or
a mean bastard.

Your choice.

Good guy, please. You don't choose.

You said it was our choice.
It was a figure of speech.

It wasn't entirely clear.
Are you a trouble-maker?

No, ma'am. Definitely not.

When I call your name, say here.

John Halloran.

Here. Shouldn't be.

Frank Sheldon?

What's the agenda, Brenda?

Christian Taylor.

Yo. OK, what are you people not
getting? Just say here.

Myrna Okeke.

Here in body, not in spirit.

I don't know what that means.
Gregory Dillard?

Yeah, that's me.

Can I just apologise
for the inappropriate joke

earlier about things
being in proportion?

To be honest, it's not even that
long. Although it is quite flat.

Like a kipper.

Just say here.

Yeah, here. Yeah. Here.

Rani Rekowski?

Here. Thank you.

You each have
over 100 hours to serve.

You have been tasked

with restoring this
into a community centre

for the local...community.

You will work four hours
each visit.

Only when I am happy
with the work you have done

will I log those four hours.

Take another one.

During clean-up duty,

if you find a deceased animal
over 10k,

do not touch it.

That is the council's business.

Anything under 10k -
vermin, cats, a small dog -

that is yours.

Can we keep it? No, you may not.

Now, you may be wondering
about faeces.

You read my mind.

If you find human faeces,
do not touch it.

You may handle
other species' faeces.

Can we keep it?

No, you may not.

You are here for the next four
hours, people. You may begin!

WHISTLE BLOWS

So, why're you here?

Uh, oh, well, I'm here
because, uh,

even though I run
a successful company

making brake pads, pay my taxes,

employ 52 people,

we have a criminal justice system
that kowtows to the, uh,

right-on leftie liberal brigade.

I'm a right-on leftie liberal.
Are you sure?

Seems like you can't really call
yourself a leftie these days

unless you're a disabled
transgender vegan

with a nut allergy
who makes their own soap.

Are you reading that
straight off the Daily Mail website?

Well, they're not wrong
about everything.

I'm just saying, you watch yourself.

Nothing the lefties like more
than eating their own.

Unless they contain nuts.

You're working too hard.

You think it matters
if we clear this crap up or not?

They just want to give us
something to do.

I'd slow down if I were you.
You might burn yourself out.

Also, you're making me look bad.

What are you in for?

I stole some stuff.

Why would someone proper-smart
be stealing stuff?

Who says I'm proper-smart?

Well, I saw your bag
and it said Oxford University.

My mum bought that when I went
to interview at Oxford University.

Did you get in?

Well, yeah,
but I'm not proper-smart.

I just have parents who never bought
me a toy that wasn't educational.

Oy, Miss Rekowski.
Less flirting, more exerting.

No, I'm not flirting. I'm not.

I wasn't flirting.
She weren't flirting. I was.

Sorry.

What's wrong?

Hi, Gabby. Look this way.

All right, Gabby?

Hi, Gabby.

Look at me, Gabby.

Nice to see you again.

Whoa! If I was 30 years younger...

You'd still be twice her age.

Thank you.

Did you know? On Twitter,
everyone's been debating

who you were gonna wear today.

Today is about me learning
from my mistakes,

and people are worrying
about what I'm wearing?

That is sick.

Who are you wearing?

It's a Stella McCartney.
The Vampire's Wife.

And shoes are Isabel Marant.

Lovely.

Am I supposed to know who she is?

That's Lady Gabriella Penrose-Howe.

She was on that reality show
where posh people have to give up

their mobile phones
and their assistants.

It was called No Service.

I don't own a TV.

Too busy making vegan soap?

No. Too busy reading books.
You should try it.

I read books. Yeah?
Any that aren't about the SAS?

Hi. Hi, friends. I'm Gabby. Hi.

Hi! Hi, I'm Lady Gabby.

My preferred pronouns
are she, her and herself.

I'm John. Bloke.

I'm so sorry I'm late.

I'm in charge here!

Seriously?
Sorry, that came out wrong.

Yeah, it did come out wrong. Gabby!

They can't be here. Look this way.

You can't be here! Go! Go!
Private property! Back! Scram!

What are you wearing?

Oh, it's Stella McCartney.

This is a Vampire's Wife
and shoes are Isabel Marant.

Thanks for asking. No, I don't mean,
"Ooh, what are you wearing?"

cos I'm interested, I mean,
"What are you wearing?!"

That is not appropriate.

Put this on.

Do I have to?
Yeah, it's not a fashion show.

You're here
because you committed a crime.

The person who designed this
committed the crime.

I mean, someone call
the fashion police. Am I right?

No, you're not right,
Michael McIntyre.

I'm docking you two hours
for being late.

Do you want another two
for being a smart-aleck?

No. Right answer.

Toilet breaks at my discretion.

Any questions?

Yeah, what is this?

Hoe.

Excuse me?

Yo. Respect.

What is that?

It's a...it's a g*ng sign.
You're not...?

No, it's Mr Spock's Vulcan salute
from Star Trek.

I don't think so.

Yeah, it is.

Oh, yeah, that...
What am I thinking of, then?

What g*ng was you trying to rep?

West Side, please.
Dre, Tupac, Snoop, that whole crew.

Oh, here. I got you.

Here you go. Like that.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Good.
Maximum respect.

Rekowski! Walk with me.

Well, live long and prosper.

What a nerd.

So, your mum spoke to me.

Said you have a scholarship...

..to Oxford University.

Yeah, sorry about that.
She does tell everyone.

Must be a pretty smart doughnut.

Don't you mean "smart cookie"?

They both work.

Yeah,
I know all about higher education.

I'm gonna apply to become
a police officer,

and education helps with that.

So I'm actually studying
for a degree myself.

Oh, really, where are you studying?

Yeah, I get the ads
in my spam folder.

Oh.

Your mum said Oxford's threatening
to revoke your scholarship.

They haven't made a final decision.

Apparently, they want you to get
three As in your A-Levels

and a letter of commendation
from your supervisor.

Guess who that is?

Is it you?

As I said, you're a smart doughnut.

Cookie. They both work.

I'll expect you to work hard.
Show remorse.

Prove that you can learn
from your mistakes. I will.

And I need you.

You need me?

To be my eyes and ears.

Keep me posted on what's being said
and done behind my back.

I don't feel comfortable snitching.

Oh, no, don't think of it
as snitching.

Think of it as collaborating.

That sounds worse.

Only cps it has connotations
with the Nazis.

Yeah, that might be it.

Your future depends on whether
or not I write that commendation.

You need my help, I need yours.
Quid pro quo.

Do we have a deal?

As I said, I can be a good guy
or I can be a mean bastard.

Your choice.

Good girl.

This must be a mistake, sir.
Rani's not a thief.

Tell him your news. Go on.

Mum, he doesn't care. Tell him.

I got accepted
into Oxford University.

With a full scholarship.
Why do you always leave that out?

So, you see, sir, my daughter
is a genius, not a thief.

What is going on?

Is this the first time you've taken
something without paying, Rani?

Yes.

How many of these
do you want to watch?

How many are there?

All the hard work you've done
just thrown away. For what?

Some sequined purses and miniskirts?

It's so humiliating.

Jerzy, are you going
to say anything?

If you lie, cheat or steal again...

..there is no place for you
in this family.

Jerzy, I didn't mean...

You wanted me to talk, I'm talking.

If you get so much as a parking
ticket from this moment on,

you are dead to us.

COURT OFFICER: Rekowski!

LAWYER: We have to go in now.

Come on.

Hey, can you take my picture
for Instagram?

What did your last servant die of?

I think it was just old age.

You have actual servants?

Daddy does, yeah, but you can't
call them servants any more.

They prefer "staff".
Will you take my picture, please?

Why do you want a picture
of this dump? For my followers.

You have followers?
What, like Jesus?

Oh, no, I'm not like Jesus.
He only had 12.

I've got 1.2 million.

No, look, I do understand
what you're saying.

And we've been banking
with you since 1980.

It's like a couple
of little hiccups,

and "Thank you for 40 years
of business, now piss off."

Oy! No phones.

Yes, one second, please.

I'm just trying to keep a roof
over my kid's heads.

I'm meeting with the Chinese today
and I will make them sign.

Give me your phone. Just go away.
How about that?

OK? I need two weeks
for the money to come through.

The Chinese will sign.
The Chinese will sign.

Thank you very much indeed.
Three, two, one. There you go.

Thank you so much.
No more calls. You're here to work.

That was work! OK?

This is detention.

Have you ever have Chinese wine?
What?

If you do business with the Chinese,
they'll want to drink with you.

Makes them feel they can trust you.
Chinese call it guanxi.

Well, thank you for that advice,
Confucius.

Do you want to get back
to shovelling sh*t?

Be warned, though, if they bring out
the ol' Chinese wine

cos that neck oil is lethal.

When I was in Beijing, I knew
a tiny Chinaman who'd drink me

under the table.

We don't say "Chinaman" nowadays.

The political correctness brigade
have ruled

you can't say Chinaman any more.

You can still say Englishman,
Irishman and Scotsman, though,

so at least our jokes are safe.

Oh, bless.

I know you white blokes have had it
good since the Bronze Age

and the last couple of years might
have been a bit confusing,

but if you find yourself thinking,
"Is this offensive?"

just assume that it is
and go about your business.

Oy! Are you lot working
over there or gassing?

We're working, boss! Harder than
a prost*tute with two mattresses.

I think it's too risky.

Me too.

No-one asked your opinion, bruv.

Yeah, it's risky,
but do we got another play?

Say the word
and I'll do it right now.

No, no, not yet.
We need more leverage first.

I went to this epic music festival
in Goa

called the Festival
of Peace and Light. Have you been?

No.

Just...fantastic.

Mm, want some?

No, no, no.

Hey, bruv. You want some piff?
It's high grade.

Thanks, but I'm good for piff.

The Festival of Peace and Light
actually inspired me

to organise a music festival
of my own.

Like Glastonbury?

Less muddy, more magical.

So, there's gonna be luxury yurts,
regular yurts, slam poetry,

yoga, Ed Sheeran. I mean, everything
you've ever wanted, right?

You know me so well.

You sure you don't want some piff?

All right, why not?

Somewhere around here. Exactly. Hey!

Put that out, will ya?

Not getting extra hours
cos of your sort. Your sort?

Yeah, the sort that would rather
stand there smoking a joint or

stealing, dealing dr*gs or whatever
than just doing a decent days' work.

Oh, stealing, dealing dr*gs.
Why you saying that? Cos he's black?

Because he's here.

So are you, mate.

Yeah, because of his sort.
Come here, give me the joint.

What? What are you doing?

Just give me the joint.
Stop it. Stop!

That's enough! What are you doing?!

All right, stop... Stop it!

An eye for an eye makes
the whole world blind.

Cut it out! Right now!

HE INHALES

Who's this belong to?

It's his. No, it ain't.

Somebody owns up
or everyone gets five more hours.

You can't do that. He can do that.
Mr Wilder's a senior officer.

Whose is it?

I've just told you whose it is.
It's his.

Ask her, she knows.

If you know something, speak up.

I-I...I...

We... It's mine.

No, it isn't. It's mine.

Five more hours for both of you.

Why is he getting five more hours?

For lying.

Do you want five more hours
for sticking your nose in?

Yeah. You should give me five more
for this as well.

You all seem to have forgotten that
you're all here instead of jail.

So, try not to forget this.

Any of you lot walk, talk or think
out of line,

I will make sure that all of you

spend the rest of your hours
behind bars.

Understood?

Yes. ALL: Yes.

WHISTLE BLOWS

All right, pack it up people.
We'll do it all again tomorrow.

Apart from the fighting.
And the ganja.

Sir?

I did actually have things
under control.

In what universe is pot-smoking
junkies wrestling

"having things under control"?

Thank you.

PHONE CHIMES

Good luck, Daddy.

Mum says if the meeting goes well,
we can have pizza!

I did say that, yes.
OK, good luck, sweetheart.

We love you so much.

HE INHALES DEEPLY, THEN EXHALES

Oh, this is sick!

Es. Es, take that off.
Come on, let's go.

Yo, check it out. Virtual reality.

She's walking around a club
in Miami right now.

Come on, Es. Let's go.

SNICKERING

sh*t, man.

Home, now.

You seem tense, blud.

They do virtual p*rn - you should
have a tug, let off some steam.

LAUGHTER

Come on, let's go home.

Here, Es.

Take this 50.
Buy yourself something nice.

She don't want it.

Yeah, I do. It's free money.

No, it's not. Let's go.

Es, I'll hold if for you, yeah?
Yeah!

Why do I have to keep telling you
all the time?

Stop hanging with these people.

Come on. Why do I have to keep...

VOICES FADE

And, uh, we're very proud

of the fact that,
from those humble beginnings,

we now find ourselves standing here
in this 50,000 square foot space.

SHE TRANSLATES

But let's, uh, let's,
let's talk more about, uh,

the family side of the business
and, uh...

..where we've come from
and really where we intend to go.

You can really see
the...the year-on-year growth,

and it's this growth
that will mark a significant return

on your investment.

SHE TRANSLATES

And make a partnership
with Halloran and Son

the only sensible choice.

Xie xie.

ON PHONE:
# Then we danced all night... #

Zhao!

MUSIC STOPS, HE CLEARS THROAT

HE SPEAKS MANDARIN

I'm very sorry.
Please excuse my daughter.

She loves all things British -
One Direction, Little Mix,

Brooklyn Beckham...

Well, um, on behalf of Britain,
I can only apologise.

THEY LAUGH
Yes.

Our company has built
an impeccable reputation

for integrity and honesty.

So, I hope this doesn't offend you,

but is there anything that we should
know about you or your father

that could bring our company
into disrepute?

There is not.

Meiyou.

I'm sure you'd agree
that business is based on trust.

Why should
we entrust our money to you?

Um...

STAMMERS: Why should, why...
Yes, um...

Why?

You, uh,

you keep your family close.

Maybe one day when you retire,
your daughter there

will take the company reins,

if she can stay off
her phone long enough.

THEY LAUGH

My, uh, my father built
this company from nothing.

Worked every hour God gave.

Never, never bellyached,
never asked for a...a hand-out...

On the day he retired,
he had four bidders begging to buy.

But he didn't sell.

He handed the business to me.

And, uh, I asked him,
I said, uh, you know, why?

Why me?

And, um, he told me, he said,

"Trust, son,
is the key to any relationship,

"business or otherwise.

"And who can you trust
if you can't trust family?"

This is a family business,
Chairman Yang.

You place your trust in me,
and you become part of that family.

And, sir,
I never let my family down.

Mr Halloran,

if you prepare the contracts
for review,

we'd like to sign tomorrow.

That's, uh, that's great.
That's great.

Right, well,
I don't know about you, but, uh,

I always find closing deals
very, very thirsty work.

So, uh, please,
grab...grab a glass and, uh...

Yeah.

I met a girl today.

Player.

I want you to talk
to her about school.

I know you're mad at me.

But why have you got to hang out
with them when I told you not to?

This is our family. Yeah?
You and me.

Not them.

You're not my family. You're a joke.

I'm your brother. Show some respect.

Respect what?

They're down there getting
in a Range Rover.

You're up here, unpeggin'
your little sister's underwear.

JERZY: What were
the other people like?

RANI: Fine.

Did you do everything you were told?

Yeah.

Is this our fault?

Did we do something?

No.

We were too soft on you.
We should've set more boundaries.

We should never have taken
the parental control off Netflix.

Mum...

Mum, it's not your fault.

You promise me,
whatever this was about,

this is the end of it.

Promise.

Margie.

Put it down. I'd like to help.

I don't need your help.
Put that down.

Put it down.

While I was inside, I had time
to think about all the people

I effed around in my day.

You're top of the list, Margie.

I want to make that right.

Oh, yeah?

On my life.

Don't promise on your life.
Don't you dare.

You have fooled me 10,000 times,
not again.

I said that you could stay
until the tag comes off.

After that I don't want you in my
or my kids' lives a second longer.

Is that clear?

EMOTIONALLY: Crystal.

Keep it down.
f*cking human pipe cleaner.

Sorry.

You OK?

Chinese wine.

Hoo! I told you. Lethal. Yeah.

Oh, Diane, I raised my voice
to you the other day.

That was completely unacceptable.
And I-I would like to apologise.

Accepted.

Yeah, in other news, I've got to be
somewhere by four today

to close a very important
business deal.

I was just wondering if you could
let me go just a little bit early.

We finish at 3.30.

I'm hoping you could make
an exception for me today, OK?

Because I...I cannot be late
for this.

Being late is a serious offence
in Chinese business.

So...

Everyone finishes at 3.30!

Ah, you... For Christ's sake, woman!

I'm just trying to keep
my business from going under,

but no, let's...let's sweep
some old CDs.

So...what's your first impressions
of our little g*ng?

Everyone's a type.

A type?

Um, you've got
your right-wing blowhard,

left-wing militant,

celebutante,

shifty old-timer,

and whatever the hell he is.

OK. What type am I?

The bad boy.

Why?

What, is it
cos I've got all these tats?

Yeah, tattoos aren't
that rebellious any more.

You know who has tattoos?

Dame Judi Dench.

Well, then, Dame Judi Dench
is a straight up OG like me.

THEY LAUGH

What type are you?

Studious Asian good girl.

Mm. So, why does
the studious Asian good girl

shoplift?

Probably
because my dad never gave me

the freedom to go to parties or hang
out in a bus shelter with friends.

Yeah, I've done that.
It's not as incredible as it sounds.

To be fair to my dad, he grew
up in Poland under communism.

So, his idea of freedom
is drinking a can of Pepsi.

Would you do me a favour?

What kind of favour?

My sister's clever, like you.

Well, she's got her GCSEs soon,
and I just can't make her study.

Would you chat to her?

I mean, I'm not sure what I'd say.

But if you think it would help...

Yeah. OK.

Thank you. I really appreciate it.

You OK?

Yeah, um, uh, just gimme a second.

I just found a deceased animal,
and I can't tell if it's over 10k.

What we talking?
We're talking a dead badger.

You'd better show me.
Roger that.

Or should it be "bodger that"?

What? Bodger and badger?

SHE GROANS

What's my sister doing here?

Some men from London are running
their lines into ends.

She asked to help roll up on them.

Well, that ain't happening.

She says she wants to put in work,
innit?

Think about it, yeah?
If I say no, that ain't woke.

In this post-MeToo era,

that kind of blatant sexism
can get you cancelled.

My sister ain't puttin'
in work for you.

Then who is?

Oh, sh*t, man. I've paid my debts.

I ain't asking permission,
I'm telling you -

someone's doin' dirt tonight,

And if it ain't you,
it's your little sister.

What do you want me to do?

They're sat in a trap house
in Lawrence Hill.

They've got a line with fiends
callin' from Bristol to Penzance.

I need that phone.

Oh, cos they're just gonna hand
over the line because I ask nicely?

Nah. That's why you need this.

Put that away.

Shut up, man. Don't act like you
ain't never seen a strap before.

HE SIGHS
Where's the spot?

32 Rossmore Avenue.

Look, if I do this for you,
Esme don't hang with you no more.

And I ain't asking you,
I'm telling you.

Yeah, we'll call in the council.

Hi, Clive, it's Diane. Yeah, another
code blue. Fire up the incinerator.

We're talking dead badger.

All right, roger that.
Or should that be "bodger that"?

SHE LAUGHS DRYLY

I know, yeah.
I just thought of it now.

All right, thanks, Clive, bye-bye.

You stole my joke.

Do you want five more hours?! No.

WHISTLE BLOWS
Home time. Tools away.

Great. Yeah.

All right, come on,
let's pick up the pace, people.

Oy! You don't give the orders.

OK, come on,
let's pick up the pace, people!

Everyone, freeze!

Someone better explain...

..about the g*n.

A heat g*n is missing.

Empty your pockets.

Open your bags.

I'm conducting a search.

Open your bag.

Files, headphones...

She Gone - Coping With Divorce.

Oh, I'm so sorry.
I just broke up with someone, too.

How long has it been?

Since Pancake Day last year.

She sent me out to get a Jif lemon,
and when I came back, she was gone.

People, let's not get side-tracked
by Greg's failed marriage.

A heat g*n is missing.
This is serious.

I'll buy you a new one. OK?
Can we please just go?

Is that yours too?

- That one's his.
- No, it ain't.

What, you're a liar and a thief?

Oh, his sort, must be the thief.

You do know not every coloured
person is a living saint?

We don't say coloured person.
We say person of colour.

I'll give you £1,000
if you can tell me the difference.

Why don't you just ask people
how they'd like to be described?

For instance, would you like to be
known as caveman or dinosaur?

Enough!

Pass it here.

Is this your bag?

Never seen it before.

That's bullocks!
I've seen him with it.

So has she.

Is that true?

Three words.

Quid pro quo. Is this his bag?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Everyone on the bus.

Hallelujah.
Thank you so much, Diane,

for those five minutes
we're never getting back.

Snitches get stitches.

All right, leave her alone.

There's a code. What's the code?

JACK AND MYRNA: No snitching!

Ha! Yeah,
the noble criminal code, huh?

We can rob, steal and m*rder,
but, uh, telling on one another,

that's...that's where
we draw the line.

We're supposed to stick together.

There's no "we" here.

Uh-bup-bup...

Empty out your pockets.
Bags go through the machine.

You've got to be kidding me!

I need to speak to you.

I've got somewhere to be.

But I really need to speak to you.

SHANTI: Rani!

Oh, come on!

Belt off, please.

Rekowski.

Go home. This is not a Youth Club.

Uh, we were...we were
just talking about...

I'm sure you'll see her again soon.
Go on, Valentino. Off you go.

This'll surprise you,

but when I was your age...

..I was unpopular too.

Yeah, that is a shock.

I heard the talk.

You'll always get grief for doing
the right thing. So, ignore 'em.

They're not your friends.

The only friend you have
around here is me.

And you did good today, OK?
It's going in your report.

Feel better?

What's going on here?

Oh, a heat g*n has gone missing,
sir. I'm investigating.

Investigating?

Well, good luck with that, Columbo.

HE CHUCKLES

Rekowski, through the machine.

Excuse me.

Less gawking, more walking.

Anything?

What are you doing? You don't
have to take your shoes off.

It's not the bloody airport.

Looks like an airport, doesn't it?

With the metal detector and the...

Well, it isn't.

MUFFLED SPEECH

All right, let's go.
It looks like an airport.

SCANNER BEEPS
Whoa, whoa!

Step back! Step back!
Come back through, please, sir.

I need to conduct a thorough search.

SHE EXHALES

Is that allowed?

Well, that's not mine.

No, it isn't.
Property of Probation Service.

Nothing gets past me.

I've caught the thief, sir.
I'm not a thief.

If you'll pass me Her Majesty's
bracelets, I'll cuff him.

Cuff me? Right, where's the heat
g*n? Is it still on your person?

I'm gonna need
some rubber gloves as well!

No, you're not. Walk very slowly.

You're not going to need any gloves.
We're not in Guantanamo Bay.

Anything could slip out en route.
Come on.

Um...

That, uh, boy asked if I'd read
his sister's course work.

Can I tell him that's OK?

OK, quickly.

You tell your sister that
I am more than happy to help.

Whatever they're making you do...

..please don't.

Rani!

Come on!

Come on!

PHONE RINGS

Hello, Dad.

Did they sign?

I'm just on my way. You're late?!

Jesus, I knew
I should've done this myself.

Do I have to hold your hand
to sign your own bloody name?!

No, Dad, everything's fine.

To be late is offensive
in Chinese business.

Yeah, I'm...I'm aware of that.

By God, if you screw this up, I...

Just call me when it's done!

I'm...

HE SIGHS

JERZY: Define metallic bonding.

The electrostatic attraction
between delocalised electrons

and positive metal ions.

Hmm, correct.
What is the octet rule?

Elements combine
in a covalent compound

with eight electrons
in their outer shell.

Are they bothering you?

No.

Hey. Hey!
Can you keep the noise down, please?

My daughter is studying up here.

f*ck off! Get out of here, man.

They have all the privileges
in the world,

and they choose to waste
their lives.

Hmm! Good.
More opportunities for you.

Which of these is the best conductor
of electricity?

Sodium, magnesium or alu....?

Aluminium.

Correct. Very good.

I'm so sorry I'm late.

Oh, I just, uh, had a meeting
with some, uh, new suppliers.

Anyway, the exciting part, huh?

I think we've got
all the paperwork sorted,

so now all we need
is your signatures.

Is...everything OK?

GRUNTING

An eye for an eye makes
the whole world blind.

Stop!

I can help with that.

Well, I managed without your help
during puberty,

two divorces
and my mother's dementia,

so I'm pretty sure
I can scrape the paint

off an old door without you.

What's that?

Heat g*n. For stripping paint.

Did you steal it? No.

Frank?

I borrowed it.

Plug it in.

g*nf*re ON VIDEO GAME

Bro.

KNOCKING

Come on, bro. It's me, man.

Who's there?

Hey, bro, I just need two Bs, bro.

Eh, no man, you've got the wrong
place. No, bro. Come on, man.

Please, I've got
the money on me now.

I'll just get it out. Please, man...

Hey, man, I said f*ck off.

What are you thinking, man?

Sit down.

You, move. Now!

Where's the line? What line?

Don't mess with me, man.
Where's the phone?

What the f*ck are you talking about?
I'm not gonna ask you again.

Where the f*ck is the phone?!

Under the rug, man.

I dare you.

You don't want to do this, man.

I'm telling you, bro.
You're making a mistake, man.

BREATHING QUIVERS

Do you know who you're robbing,
blud?

You don't want to walk out
that door with that bag, bro.

I'm telling you that right now.

HORN HONKS

HONKING CONTINUES

Hey!

Go, go, go! Go! Go!

Hey! This way.

Sweetheart.

Did they sign?

Of course.

SHE SIGHS
We're out of the woods?

Absolutely.

Oh, thank God!

Thank God.

SHE SIGHS

Did you tell your dad
the good news?

Yeah. I told him.

Well done, sweetheart.
I am so proud of you.

Thank you.

# What will you do
What will you do?

# Mm

# Every fool gets a lucky chance
or two

# I've been waitin'
for the cards to fall

# To catch all your mistakes

# I've been watchin' you

# To see you break

# Oh, oh, oh

# Oh, oh, oh

# I watched you grow

# I saw you fall again and again

# You cut your knee
You start to bleed

# But wouldn't let the pain in

# You let the dogs bite
at your ankles

# Let the sunshine burn your eyes

# But will you just walk away
this time?

# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... #

Evening, Sarge.

Lucy. Hmm?

This just came in? Hmm.

CCTV from Lawrence Hill.

# I'll watch you crumble into sand

# If the right shows mercy

# I'll use the left hand. #