03x04 - No Body

[bunniefuu]

You can get up now, Mr. Worsley.

Yeah, okay, thanks.

Nah, actually I don't
think I can, sorry.

f*ck me.

Cheers.

Just get...
And my legs, thank you.

- There you go.
- f*ck.

- Sorry, but...
- It's fine.

I'm suddenly 96.

Thank you.

- Can't sleep?
- No.

What if my scenario
is the worst-case scenario?

It won't be.

Well, it might be, mightn't it?

Fused vertebrae... can't walk.

Hip replacement.
Maybe both hips.

New knees.
I don't want new knees.

You'd be like Robocop.

Or the f*cking Tin Man
when he hasn't been oiled.

Hey, I've been Go ogling
your condition.

Well done. Show me.

No, don't show me.

No, don't.

Come on, it's okay.

Just need to stretch.

There's no f*cking cure,
I know that much.

Just varying degrees
of fuckness,

from "pretty f*cked" to...

"totally f*cked."

That's medical jargon.

You've got physiotherapy

and your painkillers.

Oh, man. I love my painkillers.

This doesn't have to be
as bad as you've decided

it's going to be.

Lie down.

Okay.

Just give me half an hour.

I'm like a f*cking silver back.

Okay?

I've been finding sleep
pretty impossible, too.

Right.

Haunting music playing...

Useless dickhead patch.

Why don't you work?

Why is everything in f*cking German?

Mum?

Ava, can you come back
in one minute, please?

Sorry, are you pissing
on your estrogen patch?

Oh, Christ.
Everyone's here.

Why don't we get Carl in
from next door?

- Hi.
- Is Dad okay?

I found this letter on the table
about a hospital appointment.

That's not your letter
to read, Ava.

You shouldn't be snooping.

- Should we be worried?
- No, no.

Your dad is gonna be fine,
I promise, okay?

Okay, come here. Come on.

And you, missy.
Come on.

Going to make Dad a "get well soon" card
on one of those photo sites.

I think he'll like that.

Ava.

I know I've changed.

- You haven't.
- I have.

They even call it "the change."

I felt crazy when I was
on my proper meds,

and I feel crazier without them.

I am a crazy woman.
And I'm a danger to society.

Sorry, Mum.
Must be horrible.

Thank you.

Yeah, it is.

- Mm.
- Can I go to my...

Yes, of course you can, sure.

It's good to chat.

Hi.

Hi.

Yeah.

You must be very proud of Ava.

Yeah. We re...
We really are, aren't we?

We really are. She's definitely
one of our favorite children.

You coming, Jay?

We've seen Bella's teacher.

No, it's okay.
I'll walk back in a bit.

I'm keeping Luke company.

Okay.

It's nice to hang out.

We haven't just hung out,
the two of us, in weeks.

Yeah, like weeks and weeks.

Ruby's just leaving
her drama group.

Right.

My dad's, um, not very well.

Oh.

- I'm sorry to hear that.
- Yeah. Thanks.

- It's a condition called...
- Ruby is the best actress...

Sorry, actor...
In her drama group.

She always gets the lead roles,

but she often likes
to take the smaller roles

so she can show her range.

Amazing.

Do you want to come
back to mine tomorrow

after school for tea?

I'm taking Ruby out to dinner.

To dinner?

We're 13, Jacob,
where do you go for dinner?

Actually, there's
a sweet little tapas place

on Church Street...
Ruby loves it.

The star of the show for us
are the Padrón peppers.

We are obsessed.

Fewer than 10% of applicants

get into St. Margaret's
each year,

but I'm pretty certain Ava
will be among that percentage.

They'd be lucky to have her.

- That's so brilliant.
- Yeah.

Well, she really is
the perfect student,

and not just focused
and dedicated,

but she always helps her peers
when they need it.

That's... That's Ava.

I'm sorry.

- Are you okay?
- Yes, I'm sorry.

Yeah. Please carry on.

You just seem like you're
in quite a lot of pain.

No, I've been...

I've been diagnosed
with ankylosing spondylitis.

Oh, gosh.
I'm... I'm so sorry.

And I've got early menopause,
not that it's a competition.

But...

My mum is going through
the menopause as well,

- and it's awful. She's a mess.
- Mm!

- And no one talks about it.
- Well... I mean,

not a lot of people talk about
ankylosing spondylitis, either, to be fair.

That's mainly
'cause it's so hard to say.

Ah, holy hell.

So Ms. West is your biggest fan.

I'd hate to have to
go to a new school

without all my friends.

- Friend.
- Hmm. Thanks.

- Ava.
- Thanks.

Sorry. I'm sorry, Luke.

You'll make loads of new friends
at St. Margaret's, Ava.

Yeah, and you could still be
friends with your old friends.

- It's not like we're gonna m*rder them.
- Mm.

After school, weekends...
You'll probably see more of them

than if you're
at the same school.

True.

- Ow, f*cking hell.
- I thought your back wasn't that bad.

No, it isn't.
It's just seized up, I think,

in those plastic chairs.

Oh, can I get off
on this corner?

- Why?
- I need to talk to Suze... Su... Susie.

Vicar Susie.

Sure, no worries.

Do you want me
to pick you up in a bit?

It's five minutes away.

Okay.

Hi.

- Oh. Hello, there.
- You got a minute?

Maybe 30 seconds. Talk fast.

I just feel like
being here for a bit.

You need any
volunteers this week?

Um... I don't think so.

Thank you, though.

But, um, you'll be
at youth group on Friday?

Yes, definitely.

Honestly, Ava,
I can finish up here.

- I don't mind.
- No, no, really.

Go home and relax.

I remember how
exhausting school was.

Wasn't that long ago.

Yeah.

Well, I'll leave you alone.

Oh, God.

Hi, my name's Ally Grant.

Oh... yeah, yeah.

Me again.

Um, look,
I'm... I'm just wondering,

I know that you said
that you would text me

if you got any more
estrogen gel in,

but just on the off...

Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah.
Right, got it.

It's just, sorry, it's just
that without it I'm in a lot...

A lot of distress
and discomfort.

And my heart is going...
Is going crazy.

And my anxiety is off the scale.

And I... I've got headaches
and joint aches and...

Yes, yeah, yeah, no.

Yep, tried the patches.
They don't work.

They're not for me.
So please, please.

If you could just call me,
whatever the hour.

8:30 to 5, understood.

Right.

Thank you, I really
appreciate your time.

Bye.

c**ts.

- Who are c**ts?
- Everyone.

Every c**t.

Fair enough.

Ooh.

- Let me help you.
- Please.

- I'm sorry.
- Ow, ow, ow, okay...

Oh, good. My wife
is now my carer.

Do you need the toilet?

Don't joke.

We might be weeks
away from that.

Have you been
exercising at all?

I don't really know
what I'm supposed to do

till I get the results
back from the scan, you know.

Don't wanna... move it in
the wrong way and make it worse.

Oh.

It's Darren.

"Are you free for dinner?
Big, big news.

The Wilton Bankside, 7:30."

"Big news"
sounds exciting.

Do you think he's
sussed out a way

to keep the London
office afloat?

Well, if he has,
he's done it by accident.

True.

- You all right, Dad?
- Yeah, tip-top, mate.

I'm worried about you.

Well, don't.
'Cause I'm not... at all.

Don't stress about it.

Have you met me?

It'll get sorted, mate.
I promise you.

Okay.

Why do I only have one friend, Dad?

Is it because
I'm stupid?

I mean, Ava, she's
good at everything.

She's going to get into
Oxford... and Heaven.

And she's got like
three million friends.

One friend is all you need,
and don't call my son stupid.

Jacob's in love with Ruby.
In love!

I put everything into that friendship
and now it's gone.

It's not gone, Luke.
It's just changed.

I have no one
to hang out with.

I could tell they really
don't want me there

tagging along,
but Jacob's too nice to say anything.

Well, maybe you need
some new friends, Luke.

Do you know what I mean?

There are loads of people
out there your age,

and many of them aren't
as bat sh*t weird as Jacob.

I don't want to lose Jacob.

I like that he's weird.
And I like Ruby.

So invite them round
then as a couple

and accept them as a couple.

- You make it work, yeah?
- Yeah.

Ohh.

Oh, man.

Yeah, that can wait.

Ooh...

Hello.
Ah, you look very, um...

Just gonna warn you
that I get drenched in sweat

every 45 minutes,
and it's gross as all f*ck.

Copy that.

- I've or dered p*rn Star martinis.
- Mm?

I don't use p*rn myself,
it's degrading,

but Rom-Com martinis
sadly aren't a thing.

- Hmm.
- Here we are.

Thank you.

Thanks.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Mmm. Ooh, sandpaper dry.

It's perfect.

Mmm...

Well, Darren?

Come on. What is the big news?

Come on, tell me.

Okay.

- Come on! What? What?
- Well...

Come on, just say it.

So the London office is liable
under UK and EU tax laws,

um, for all of
the Berlin office debts.

We don't have any money
to pay the staff or our rent.

Wait. Sorry?

That's your big news?

Yes.

Sorry, I wanted to sweeten the pill

with a nice dinner,
and you look really angry.

I'm wearing f*cking silk,
Darren. f*ck you.

And it does look terrific.

- No. No. No.
- No?

I refuse to believe
that we are ruined.

I absolutely f*cking refuse.

I am gonna fix this,
okay? Watch me.

- This will be fixed.
- Great.

You might need to
fire a few people.

I'm not very good at f*ring people.
I want people to like me.

Well, then you need
to try a lot f*cking harder.

Touché.

Oh, f*ck.

See, look
at them all, mate.

A world of possibilities.

Should I make friends
of those lads?

- Yeah, if you want, I'll ask them. Boys...
- No, I was joking.

- Joking, I was joking.
- Boys.

Don't actually ask them.

What about this lot?

They look harmless.

They're the w*r hammer kids.

They look like
child accountants.

They've started a band
called The Nomads of Chaos.

They actually auditioned
for a bass player,

but no one showed up.

Why don't you have a go?

No way.
I can't be in a band.

I can't even eat a baguette
in front of other people.

That's the point, mate.

Your hands would be
occupied, right?

You get to stand
at the back with the drummer,

The back line.
f*ckin' effortlessly cool.

- I can't play the bass.
- So YouTube it.

There's loads of stuff
on there for beginners.

Like with actual
proper teachers.

Mm, I'm not sure.

No, because no one's
sure about anything

except f*cking morons.

Listen, mate.

If I can turn up
for my appointment,

absolutely sh1tting it,

then you can go and speak
to the anarchy g*ng.

- The Nomads Of Chaos.
- Exactly.

Right, come on. In you go.
We'll see you later.

- I'll be thinking about you.
- I know you will. Thank you.

Okay, so... how are you?

Well, uh, you tell me.

Well, it does look like we found
this at a very early stage,

which means it's
definitely manageable.

Ahh.

Oh, thank Christ for that.
Thank you so much.

Oh, man, that is
such a weight off.

Can I shake your hand? f*ck it.

- I'm gonna shake your hand.
- Okay.

So, I'm going to write
you a prescription

for some anti-inflammatories.

Ooh.

Hi, how was it?

Well, whew, um...

it sounds like
it's manageable

as long as I'm careful.

Fantastic. What does that mean?

Uh, well, I have to go
to the gym regularly

and give up smoking.

Okay.
Can you stop smoking?

- Yeah, of course I can.
- Yeah, no. Yeah, yeah... yeah.

It's just that your
history of quitting is...

No, but this is different,
isn't it?

It's medical.

Okay, well, great.

Can you go to the gym?

Yeah,
of course I can.

Hon, none of this is a problem.

I've just had my
It's a Wonderful Life moment,

and I'm bang up for all of it.

How are you?

Mm... usual.

- Well, sorry to hear that.
- Thanks.

Okay, listen,
I'll see you later, okay?

Ahh.

So...

Okay. Let's have you lying down
on the mat, Paul.

So, what I'm gonna ask
you to do first, Paul,

is if you could raise
your right knee.

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Great.
- What, just...

And then if you could
rest your left foot

on top of that knee.

Great.

It's gonna be a bit
uncomfortable to begin with.

- Yeah.
- Now if you could drop your weight

- to your right-hand side...
- Mm-hmm.

- ...and look to your left.
- Mm-hmm.

And go very slowly,
and try and keep your back

as straight as possible.

- Mm-hmm.
- Uh, slower than that, Paul, hm?

- Really? Mm.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Really slowly.
- Well, yeah.

Thought I was, but...
Yeah.

Slower than that, Paul. Slowly.

- Really slowly.
- I mean, that's about my limit.

- That's it? All right.
- Yeah.

- Let's swap legs.
- Okay.

And do the same thing. Drop your
weight to your left-hand side,

look to your right.

But again, very slowly.

I will, yeah.

- Slower.
- I mean... you...

Yeah, slowly.

Slowly.

That's great.

- How's that feeling, Paul?
- Okay, thanks.

Right, let's do another
five on each side.

- Mm-hmm.
- And then...

do you think you'll
be able to manage these?

- Oh. Rea... yeah.
- Yeah?

- Yeah, I do.
- Great.

Did you hear that show
last night about Stevie Nicks?

Oh, my God, no. What channel?

- 6 Music.
- Let me make a note.

- Oh. Are you still reading
Trainspotting, Jacob?
- Uh, no, actually.

- I just finished
The Handmaid's Tale.
- Ah.

Ruby is playing Aunt Lydia
in her theater group.

- Meet my agent.
- Yeah.

- Hey, folks.
- Hello, Mr. Worsley.

- Hiya, Dad.
- Oh, hi Paul.

Should we go?

I think we're going
to bounce, Luke.

Okay, no worries.

- Hey, are you okay?
- Are you okay?

- No.
- No.

Merci.

- See you later.
- Cheers, folks.

- Bye.
- Home safe, please.

- I don't wanna talk about it.
- Mm.

How was the gym?

Ooh, God. I'm never going back.

I've never felt so ashamed
and emasculated in my life.

- But you need to exercise...
- No, I know, but I'll do it here, Luke.

I can't go back
to the gym again.

And that's enough about my back.
I think, mate,

I have got you a really
good bass online.

It's coming in a few days,
and an amp.

- Dad...
- No, no. Seriously, mate.

I'm telling you,
The Nomads of Chaos.

It's where it's at.

See, I even remembered the name.
It shows it's catchy.

I don't think people
say "catchy" anymore.

Yeah, I know.

I was being deliberately
old-fashioned.

I wasn't, obviously.

You all right, Avs?

Mum, have you asked
Suzie to see less of me?

No. Why?

Promise?

I-I haven't. Why?

She's been different with me.

- Not rude,
but just different.
- Oh.

And if you have told her
to ignore me, then...

Well, then that would
be dreadful.

But I swear, I... I haven't.

- Hello, my girls.
- Hi.

- Hey.
- I've got homework.

Okay. Hi, darling.

Hey.

- You all right?
- Yeah.

Ohh. No, actually. No, no.

No, I'm not.

This gonna be a menopause chat?

Are you f*cking joking me?

No one gives a f*ck!

Ava's teacher was more
sympathetic than you lot.

Ally, I'm... I'm sorry.

I do feel that I've tried
to talk to you about this.

Oh, do you really? Do you?

Okay, may... maybe not.

Maybe not.

No, wh-when my mum... had it,

she... she didn't
discuss it, right?

She just got angry for a while
and ate lots of KitKats.

Well, women talk about
this sh*t now, I'm afraid.

Ohh.

I didn't think I was
an anxious person, you know?

But now I am. I'm...

I'm permanently terrified.

And I'm exhausted.
I'm on my way to osteoporosis.

You're not the only one
with knackered joints.

I am so sorry, mate. It's just
been one shits how after...

Could you not call me "mate," please?
I don't like being called "mate."

- I'm your wife, not the f*cking plumber.
- All right, I...

I think I've been calling you
that for years, haven't I?

Well, you can stop now
'cause I don't like it anymore.

Okay.

sh*t.

This was gonna be happening
in ten years' time, Paul.

I'm still in my forties,
for f*ck's sake,

and Darren bankrupted
the business,

and I'm worried about
Luke and Ava now.

But it's like, it's...
It's a different kind of worry.

Like I might... die from worry.

And then you not living here
and then living here again.

- I mean that has not helped anything.
- No, no.

And basically, I...
I hate myself,

- and I think that Ava hates me, too.
- Oh, Christ.

Ava does not hate you,
she's not capable.

Can you not immediately
defend her, Paul?

Everyone is capable
of everything sometimes

and nothing at other times
or even the same time.

- No, right, yes.
- Yes.

And just to be heard
in this house,

I do not want to have to do
a menopause monologue, okay?

- Okay.
- Because the kids don't ha

ve to give a sh*t, but you do.

Absolutely, I know.

- "Menalogue."
- I really wanted to say that.

Hey. What are you wearing?

Gym clothes.

Oh-ho, no mate, no.

- No, that is not happening.
- It is happening.

I'm coming with you.
Covering fire.

"Covering fire."

Okay, f*ck it.

Give us a hand.

Thanks, mate. Cheers.

Yeah...

Nice and slow, Paul.

There you go.
Nice and slow.

Christ, this spinach smoothie.

Sheesh.

Who actually enjoys that stuff,

apart from vegans
and f*cking Popeye?

I've said I'll
audition for the band.

-That's great.
-I
'm going to, uh, wear
the jacket you bought me.

- Well, the Harrington?
- Yeah.

- Hey.
- So they think I'm cool.

Well, you are cool, mate.

As if.

Listen, what you think
is cool at 13,

really isn't that cool.

Promise you.

Hey, this could be
your thing, Lukey.

The thing you've
been waiting for.

- Or I could be terrible.
- True.

It'd be good to
find out, though.

Do you know, you look
like a man at the gym.

What do you mean?

Well...

When I was doing
my gentle lunges,

I look over at you
and you were like a grown man.

Didn't mind it,
actually, the gym.

- Mm.
- I mean, I'm going to need to get ripped

now that I'm gonna be in a band.

Well, quite, yeah.

You can take it.

Nah, it's all right.

Ava.

I mean, I-I mean,
just look at it, right?

You've got Bruce Foxton,
you got Bootsy Collins,

you got McCartney,
for Christ's sake.

Need I say more?

Oh, man,
it's the best instrument.

Then, in about five years,
we're gonna have,

"And on bass,
Luke Worsley! Yaaah!"

No.