05x07 - Retreat Yourself

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Raven's Home". Aired: July 21, 2017 - present.*
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Best friends Raven and Chelsea are together again and raising their three children under one roof.
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05x07 - Retreat Yourself

Post by bunniefuu »

Alright, Booker's dentist
appointment on Tuesday,

Alice's karate class Wednesday,

and dad's checkup on Friday.

I am
a scheduling wizard.

You might as well call me
Hermione arranger.

Oh, I should have scheduled
somebody to laugh at that.

Hey, mom. Uh, where's
the fire extinguisher?

Oh yeah, it's right
next to the first aid kit

I keep meaning to buy.

Why? What you doin' up there?

I'm working on my project for
the science fair next Tuesday.

Oh, no, no, no.
You got a dentist appointment

booked that day.

Never thought I'd say this but
I'd rather go to the dentist.

oh, found it.

No, no, no, listen,
I'll just reschedule you

for Wednesday,

and then I will put Alice
next week for her karate class,

and she can just
slap you around till then.

just the man
I wanted to see!

I don't like
the sound of that.

Dad, I got your whole
Saturday planned out. Okay,

you got a nose hair
trimming at 9:30,

you have a chiropractor
appointment at 11:00,

and your trainer is gonna work
on them glutes at 1:00.

Ah, dad, I got you scheduled from your
rooter to your tooter!

What is that thing?

Well, since no one else can
keep track of their schedules,

I have created
the Baxter board!

The Baxter board.

Well, you're gonna have to
change your Sunday schedule

because that's Alice's birthday.
We're going to dinner.

Oh, right, her birthday.

But, see, I got us all down
for a family mole check.

Is there any way we can move
her birthday to Monday?

Raven!

Alright, alright.

Hey, grandpa, why didn't she
say anything about her birthday?

She doesn't like to make
a big deal about it.

Usually, we just do
a little family thing.

Ah!

There! Birthday on Sunday.

Everything is perfect.
Nobody change a thing.

Well, I better get back to
work on my science project.

And if you smell something
burning, don't worry.

I got this, alright?
Safety first.

Break a toe, you on your own.

I can't take you to the hospital
till, like, uh, November.

Walk it off, Booker,
walk it off.

Theme music playing...

♪ Ha, ha!
Lemme tell ya somethin' ♪

♪ Had my vision
all worked out ♪

♪ But then life
had other plans ♪

♪ Tell 'em, mom ♪

♪ It's crazy when things
turn upside down ♪

♪ But ya gotta get up
and take that chance ♪

♪ New city,
I'm finding my way ♪

♪ It's gonna take some time ♪

- ♪ Yeah, we're gonna be okay ♪
- ♪ Ya know I got you, right? ♪

♪ It might be wild, but ya
know that we make it work ♪

♪ We're just fam
caught up in a crazy world ♪

- ♪ C'mon! ♪
- ♪ It's Raven's home ♪

- ♪ We get loud! ♪
- ♪ Yeah, Raven's home ♪

♪ It's our crowd! ♪

♪ Might be tough, but together
we make it look good ♪

♪ Down for each other
like family should ♪

- ♪ It's Raven's home ♪
- ♪ When it's tough ♪

- ♪ Yeah, Raven's home ♪
- ♪ We got love ♪

♪ 'Cos no matter the weather,
ya know we gon' shine ♪

♪ There for each other,
ya know it's our time ♪

*RAVEN'S HOME*

Yep! That's us.

*RAVEN'S HOME*
Season 05 Episode 07

Episode Title: "Retreat Yourselft"
Aired on: April 22, 2022.

Come on, dad, hurry up!

If your nose hairs
get any longer,

we're going to have to get
the gardener to trim 'em!

Change of plans. All that
stuff you scheduled for me,

I'm not doing any of 'em.

Why not?

Well, my doctor wanted me

to find ways
to de-stress.

So I am going to
a mindfulness retreat.

A day of peace,
positivity, and...

- Relaxation.
- That's nice,

- but the Baxter board says...
- You know what?

You should try it.

Yeah, I would love to. Hold on.

Let me check with my assistant.
Tink-tink. Raven?

Hey, girl. Yeah,
it's Raven. yeah.

Listen, I was wondering if you
can schedule some me time?

Oh...

Oh, I'm too busy
taking care of...

Everybody else?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Also, you're doing a great job.

tink-tink.

Raven, your Saturday
just opened up.

You can finally do
something for yourself.

What would you like to do?

Well, I guess I can
help Booker with his...

No! You!

- Well, Alice needs to...
- No.

You.

- Ivy...
- Not even your child, Raven!

I'm doing this for me,
just for myself.

You should do the same.

yeah.

that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna...

Gonna focus on me.
I can do that.

Someone call a doctor, quick!

Focus on me.

My visions
don't even focus on me!

So, your birthday's tomorrow!
That's exciting!

Yeah, I guess.

What?
Birthdays are the best!

I mean, the parties,
the presents,

the constant attention.

It's the one day out of
the year my mama can't say,

"this ain't about you, Booker."

Yeah...

I don't want a birthday party.

Besides, even if I did,

none of the kids at my school
want to come anyway.

Thanks for the sandwich.

That's the saddest thing
I've ever heard.

I got your 911 text.
What's the emergency?

I came as soon as I could.

Were you in the shower?

Yeah, but it's no big deal.
I do it every day.

So, what's the emergency?

Alice doesn't want a birthday party!

That's not really
a 911 emergency.

Are you kidding?
I can't think of anything worse

than not having
a 10th birthday party.

You can't think
of anything worse?

I can, Ivy,

but I try not to go there.

I think she secretly
wants to have a party,

but she's afraid none of her
classmates are gonna show up.

You know how that
feels, right, Ivy?

Okay. First, ouch.

And second, we are not
letting that happen to Alice.

Okay! Looks like
we're throwin' a party!

- Yeah!
- Right after Neil washes
that stuff out of his hair.

Oh no. This conditioner
is leave-in, so we're good.

Welcome,
my sweet souls.

I am indigo. Heh.

Oh! Hello, my friend.

I personally sojourned
these butterflies

through their
metamorphosis.

And as with them,

so shall you emerge
from your cocoon...

Transformed. Namaste.

Namaste.

Now, this is what
I'm talking about.

No stress, no kids, no...

Excuse me. I just wanna
pardon through.

- Raven?
- Hey, dad.

What are you doing here?

You couldn't just
let me do my own thing

for one afternoon,
could you?

Listen, I had a vision, okay?

No, no. No visions. Go home.

you won't
even know I'm here.

I just wanna make sure
nothing happens.

Nothing is gonna happen.
Please go.

- Nah, I'ma stay.
- Namaste.

I'm sorry, what?

Raven, this is
my relaxation retreat.

I came here for
peace and quiet.

Go... Home.

Nah, I'ma stay.

- Namaste.
- Really, what are you guys saying?

You're gonna get me
in trouble.

- Go home.
- Nah, I'ma stay.

Namaste.

Alright. New rule.

From now on, only
indigo says namaste.

Namaste.

Alright, that's really going
to have to be the last one.

Hey, man,
this is lookin' pretty good.

Lucky my grandpa
still had some stuff

from one of his old
birthday parties.

Yeah, because every
10-year-old dreams of being...

Older than dirt.

Alice and Neil will be back from
getting ice cream any minute.

Where is everybody?
You emailed all the kids

in her class, right?

- Yep.
- Then, where are they?

What if Alice was right?
What if no one shows up?

Ivy, I don't know
what you were worried about!

These kids clearly know a good
party when they hear about one.

- Come on.
- Quick! Everybody, over here.

Okay, Alice has no idea

we're throwing this
surprise party for her,

so when she walks
through this door,

I want everyone to yell,
"surprise!" okay?

Here they come.

- Surprise!
- Surprise!

Why-why didn't
y'all yell surprise?

We're too close
together for yelling.

Any sound above
120 decibels

can permanently damage
your tympanic membrane.

Your eardrum.

Who knows that?

What are they doing here?

It's for your birthday!

I know you thought if you had
a party, they wouldn't come,

but look.
They're all here, for you.

For Alice?

My mom said Neil degrasse Tyson
would be speaking.

I thought we're getting
extra credit for this.

Well...

Not that I need it.

'Cause I don't!

Booker!

I didn't mean they wouldn't
want to come to my party.

I meant any party.

They're highly
competitive geniuses!

They're all school, no play.

Alice, they're kids!

What kids don't love a party?

You should've never
let me do this.

And as you stretch,

release yourself from
the constraints

of your meditative state.

well, I'm stuck
in my meditative state.

Can I get a little
help here, please?

Wow. Oh. Oh... Ow! Ow!

My hair!

Oh... See?

See, this is why you
don't go synthetic.

I got a girl named kiki,
she'll slap it right back on
for you, though.

Yes, I wear extensions.

And I'm not ashamed.

Let's all recenter
with a breathing exercise.

Oh, a breathing exercise?
I got this in the bag.

I been breathing my whole life. What?

Oh. Yes!

Excellent idea,
my friend.

Let's all choose a partner

to help you spark your qi. Oh!

Spark my qi. That's hilarious.

Oh, excuse me. Th-that's my dad,
and he's gonna be my partner.

- So, me-ow.
- Raven, what are you doing?

- Tell her to switch with me.
- No. Leave.

What? Dad, why?
I didn't even do anything.

Hey, what's going on?

Raven, you're
ruining this for me.

Dad, trust me, okay?

I had a "feeling" that something
bad was going to happen.

You and I both know that your
"feelings" are usually wrong.

Now, now. Everyone's
feelings are valid.

Thank you, indigo.

Well, I'm feeling like
you're always hovering over me.

- Also valid.
- Whose side are you on, indigo?

Raven, you're
stressing me out.

I'm stressing you out.
Really, dad?

Try taking care of yourself.

I would, if you would let me!

Enough!

Forget about the breathing!
Everyone, stop breathing!

Oh no. Keep breathing.

We're just moving on
to something else.

Two hours of silent reflection.

- Two hours?
- Oh, come on, man.

Okay, my bad.

This is embarrassing!

This TV doesn't even have
an adaptive sampler!

I told you.
The variance pixelation

was due to the age of the model,
not a flaw in the firmware.

You're a flaw in the firmware.

What is happening?

They're making your grandpa's
smart TV look really dumb.

See? This is why I didn't
want to have a birthday party.

I can't give up.

You stop brushing your teeth
when your arm gets tired.

You can give up.

I used to go to that school.

It was all
competition and grades,
not fun and games.

We didn't even have a gym!

Except the janitor.

But he went by James.

See? That school's
why I can't tell a joke.

Wait, that was a joke?

the place ruined you!

We have to get them
to have fun.

We don't want them
to end up like Ivy.

Who out there loves magic?

Ooh! Me! Me!

I am the amazing Booker,

and this is
my assistant, Ivy.

Why do I have to be the assistant?
Because I'm the girl?

Oh. That's why.

And now, my small-headed
assistant Ivy

will hand me
my first magic trick.

Behold!

Solid metal rings.

ah...

whoa-ho-ho!

Ta-da!

That's magic.

What?!

That was incredible!

It's incredible that
you were fooled by that.

There's a gap in one ring
that he was obscuring

with his finger,

and not very well.

Ta-da!

Is that true?

Okay, okay.


let's see if you can figure out
this next trick.

An ordinary cup...
And ball.

There's a false
bottom mechanism

that hides the ball
when you put it inside.

Wait, seriously?

Are you not doing magic?

Is magic not real?

If you could
make us disappear,

now would be
a good time.

How could you choose
another partner over me?

You're messing up
my experience!

I just don't want
you to get hurt.

Oh, there you go.

Using my heart att*ck
as an excuse again.

Dad, I had a vision
that you needed a doctor.

I've been working out,
I've been eating right.

But you're still
treating me like a baby.

Because you're still
acting like a baby!

Rae, you're suffocating me.
It's like I can't even breathe.

No. No, no, no,
don't blame that on me.

You can't breathe
because it's hot enough

to fry a egg in here.

That's why you
can't breathe.

Oh, no!

Don't...

Ooh. Bye.

Ah... my butterflies!

My bad.

That's it!

I've had enough!

I want you... And you...

Out... Of the retreat.

- Oh.
- Ooh...

Someone call a doctor, quick!

Oh, it was him...

That was your "feeling,"
wasn't it?

- Are you okay?
- Get her away from me!

- What? I didn't even...
- Raven, just go.

I should leave?

He doesn't appreciate anything I do.
None of them do!

Okay, this isn't the exit.

Uh-oh.

Heat and steam on.

Okay, that's not good.

Somebody! Somebody
help me out of here!

Ungrateful dad?

Hippie-dippy guru guy?!

Butterflies!

Alright, party's over.
You don't have to go home,

but you can't stay here.
Uh, bye-bye.

Uh, w-w-wait!
You can't leave yet!

We're gonna do balloon animals!

Why do you know how
to make balloon animals?

When both your parents
work nights,

you watch a lot
of online tutorials.

Also, if you need your
brake pads changed,

I'm your girl.

We gotta get this girl dating.

Okay, who's next?

I want the Watson
and crick model of DNA!

- That's an acronym for...
- I know what it is, Ernie.

Ooh...

DNA?

More like dn-yay!

Ooh! Ooh!

Will this day not end?

That was too easy.
Come on. Challenge me.

Make me a molecular model
of glucose.

Ooh...

Oh, is that what
we're doing, Paige?

If you can.

Oh, I can.

Ivy, it's not gonna work.
Give it up.

No, I can do this.
I just need four more balloons.

Five more balloons.

I appreciate what
you're trying to do,

but it's no use.

Look at them.

They'd rather
do homework than play.

Wait, what if
the homework was play?

Booker, you're a genius!

okay, if he's a genius,
what am I?

About to be a meme.

Okay, now I need to...
I need to get out here.

Oh...
No, don't like the dark.

Don't like the dark.

Hoo! It's so hot in here,
my eyeballs are sweatin'.

Whoa, where am I?

Who puts a mirror
in a steam room?

Wow. I am literally a hot mess.

What in the snow white is happening?!

I'm what's happening.

- Who are you?
- I'm you.

Oh no. O-oh no,
I'm not doing this.

Uh-uh. Not this time.

You've been running away
from me for far too long.

We are having
this conversation.

Oh no.

O-oh no, my brain
has turned to soup.

I don't wanna go!

I don't wanna go. I wanna...

I want to see my kids grow old.
I want to go to their house.

I wanna turn on all of their lights,
and I wanna stand

in front of their refrigerator
with the door open.

Stop, alright? It-it's too hot
in here for all your spiraling.

You're gonna
sweat out our edges.

What are you doing
with our life?

You're not real.
You're not real.

- You're not real.
- You're not real... Ah!

You've been keeping
yourself busy

with other people's problems
to avoid facing the truth.

You're afraid.

Well, I am hallucinating
in a steam room,

so I'm a little concerned.

You're wasting our life.

You don't know me.

You don't know you.

Ooh. That, uh,
that hits different

when it comes from yourself.

You're afraid to go
for what you want.

What if I don't know
what that is anymore?

Well then, you need to take
a little time for you

and figure it out.

How do I do that?

Reflect on it.

Oh, I see you, mirror me.
I see you, girl.

You funny!
Yeah, you real funny, girl.

Okay, I got you. I understand.

I see you.
I see you.

I do, I see you.

Raven? I've been
looking for you!

- What are you doing in here?
- Dad. Dad,

I got locked in,
and-and it was hot,

and there was steam,
and mirror me?

Marry me slapped me in the face,
and I hit hard, daddy.

I hit... I hit hard!

I gotta give it
to you, Booker.

Getting them to build a linear
gravitational accelerator

was a pretty great idea.

That's a nerdy way
to say slide.

Shh! If they find out

this is used for fun,
they're never gonna do it.

Alright! Who's first?

Yeah, right. Go down it?

What do we look like,
ninja warriors?

Probably right. I mean,
you're only in fourth grade.

How good could the engineering
calculations possibly be?

Uh, excuse you.
I did that math myself.

And if it's good enough to
send my gerbil into space,

it's good enough for this.

Did you get your gerbil back?

He knew what he signed up for.

Okay.
Um, well, come on!

Somebody has
to try this thing.

I'll do it!

Alice, no!

I should've told her
I loved her.

Woo-hoo!

That was awesome! Who's next?

Alright, alright!
You all get a turn.

Right after me!

This is the best birthday
party I've ever had.

- Thanks for not listening to me.
- Anytime.

Alright. Go, go, go, go, go.

This is way better than stairs!

I'm a ninja warrior!

Science makes me feel alive!

Hey, dad. Sorry indigo
banned you for life.

Oh, it's okay.

He's not doing retreats anymore.

He's going back
to selling used cars.

What happened back there?

Well, a wise person told me
that I needed to spend

a little less time
focusing on others

and a little more time
focusing on myself.

- I've been saying that for weeks!
- Yeah,

well, it didn't sound right
until it came out of my mouth, so...

What is going on here?

What's going on
is that Booker

threw me the best
birthday party ever!

Oh, that's nice.

Raven, what are we
going to do about this?

Oh, sorry, dad,
I'm focusing on me.

Ah...

- This is nice.
- Hey, what are you doin' here?

Oh, taking
a little me time.

Can you get out?

Uh, no. This is my bath.
You get out.

Nah, I'ma stay.

Oh no, you're not.

Oh snap...!

That's better.
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