04x17 - American Torah Story

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

Okay, people, bar
mitzvah is this Saturday,

and guess who just had his
final lesson with the rabbi?

What gave it away? The stack
of Hebrew books in my hand,

or that I'm the only
-year-old boy in the house?

Levi, Levi, Levi.

You know, I think I speak for
the rest of the family when I say,

"your bar mitzvah
will be lit-zvah."

- Would not say that.
- No way, bruh.

- I don't think that's a word.
- Okay, well,

I think we're all
just super excited

to see you finally become
a man. Just like me.

- Also wouldn't say that.
- No way, bruh.

A man?

Levi. Our little Levi.

The last of our babies who...

Won't be a baby anymore.

The kids have to grow
up sometime, Rae.

Levi's ready. We're all ready.

I'm not ready.

Me, neither. I still have
to practice my torah,

and write my bar mitzvah speech.

Oh, honey, you
can handle it all,

and your virtual bar
mitzvah will be virtu-rific.

- Yes!
- It's gonna be virtu-rific!

You guys know that, that,
that wasn't a word either.

Just, just saying. It was...

Raven, what's the status
on the bar mitzvah swag?

Well, I've been researching it,

and people go
all-out for the swag.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh...
Booker, the slide show?

Oh! There's gonna
be a slide show?

Which I already knew,
because I'm doing the slide show.

Uh-huh. Nia,
flowers for the bimah?

Aunt Chels, I've barely had time to
find out that bimah means "stage."

What? Tess, have you
been practicing the hora?

Yep.

Okay.

Circle dances go better
with a circle, so it'll be fine.

Fine. I'll practice more-a.

I'm unamused. That's
my unamused face.

Okay. Listen, we have
less than a week, people.

Let's try to really raise
the bar for bar mitzvahs.

All right?

Hello? No.

No, I said I wanted
chairs with padding.

Yes. With.

I don't want to hear
from my guests,

"what a nice service,
except for those hard chairs."

♪ Hey... Yo ♪

♪ Let me tell you somethin' ♪

♪ Had my vision all worked out ♪

♪ But then life
had other plans ♪

♪ Tell 'em, Rae ♪

♪ It's crazy when things
turn upside down ♪

♪ But ya gotta get up
and take that chance ♪

♪ Maybe I'm just finding my way
Learning how to fly ♪

♪ Yeah, we're gonna be okay
Ya know I got you, right? ♪

♪ It might be wild, but ya
know that we make it work ♪

♪ We're just kids caught
up in a crazy world ♪

♪ C'mon! ♪

♪ It's Raven's Home ♪
Yo!

♪ We get loud! ♪

♪ It's Raven's Home ♪

♪ It's our crowd! ♪

♪ Might be tough, but
together we make it look good ♪

♪ Down for each other
like family should ♪

♪ It's Raven's Home ♪

♪ When it's tough ♪

♪ It's Raven's Home ♪

♪ We got love ♪

♪ 'Cause no matter the weather,
ya know we gon' shine ♪

♪ There for each other,
ya know it's our time ♪

Yep! That's us.

♪♪

- Hey. How's the studying going?
- It was fine.

I was just sitting there
and I realized that,

since I'm about to become a man,

I should get rid of
some of this kid stuff.

Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

First of all, this is mine.

Second of all, if you're getting
rid of this, uh, it's mine now.

And you never even opened this?

I don't see the point in
keeping all these kids' toys.

Between school, studying,
and meetings with the rabbi,

when would I ever
have time to play?

Oh, come on. You didn't play
even when you had time to play.

You're right.

I only have a few
days left to be a kid.

And I need to take
advantage of it.

But I can't figure out how.

Hey, I, check this out.

Yo.

Yo. Yo.

- I'm sorry, what'd you say?
- I think I just figured out how.

Yo-yo!

♪♪

Chels, Chels, check it... out.

That's you, right?
Okay. Hey. Look.

I got this new
swaggy idea. Ready?

Phone sockets for their cells.

That's a disaster. If you can't do
better, I'll find someone who can.

It was just an idea. I can
figure something else out.

I ordered those
desserts weeks ago!

If you can't handle it,
I'll call another shop.

Yeah. I will. Bakeries are
a dime a baker's dozen.

Yes, I'll hold.

Oh, hey, Rae. Did you want to
show me your new idea for the swag?

Chels, you are not you.

Oh, Rae, I'm simply
focused on Levi.

Okay? You only get one
bar mitzvah, if you're lucky.

Yeah, Chels, but deep down,

underneath that
amazing power suit

and those power glasses,

you know, you got
feelings coming up...

Cream puffs. I
ordered cream puffs!

Not eclairs. Figure
it out! What...

Why does this phone
socket say "Levi's bar mitz"?

Well, I, I couldn't
really fit everything on...

That won't work, Rae. Okay?

No, I'm not talking to you.

Is it the cream part that's
confusing, or the puff?

Yes, now I'm talking to you.

Oh... uh... oh, are you crying?

♪♪

Okay. I got all the kids'
stuff you told me to get.

What's the Patty melt for?

Oh, that's for me.
Haven't had lunch.

- Now what?
- Couch fort.

Couch fort? Great idea.

I'll download some plans.

Or not, because
kids are spontaneous,

and don't care about
structural integrity.

I like the way
you're thinkin', kid.

Oh, yeah? Well,
you're gonna love this.

- Ooh! Ooh! I do love that.
- Yes!

Booker, get me a
broom and a dustpan.

Or?

Or...

We could blame it
on somebody else.

Because we are acting like kids.

Weeeeeee!

Weeeeeee!

All right, last time, I
made it all the way to G.

This time, I'm going to F.

Only if I don't
slide there first.

Whoa!

Hey, lady, look out!

There's no place like foam!

Oh, man!

Being a kid is a blast.

I should have
done this years ago!

Uh, mission immature
accomplished.

Yo, what is this?

- Foam?
- Oh, come on...

Yep. Foam.

I knew it was them!

You knew what was us?

Seriously? There's literally
foam all over the hallway.

Yeah, and there's
foam in your hair.

And you're laughing.
Look, I get Booker,

but Levi, why are
you being so childish?

Childish? Thanks!

Oh, okay. Uh, you know
when you won't be thanking us?

When we stop helping
you with your bar mitzvah.

Yeah.

Someone else can lead the hora

and have "hava nagila"
stuck in their head.

Hmm.

It's a really catchy tune.

- I know, right?
- Yeah.

Okay, now what are
we gonna do next?

Uh, it's not, "what are
we gonna do next?"

It's, "what are you
gonna do next?"

See, I have this great plan.

I can't do this... Do
this, do this, do this...

Which is where you go back
and study for your bar mitzvah.

Where's the fun in that?

Look, I just had a vision,
and you need to study.

Oh. I think I'm
having a vision, too.

Blaaaaah!

All right, good
one, but I'm serious.

Oh. Well, if you're serious,
then I really should...

Aaaaah!

Ah-ha-ha!

I may have created a monster.

♪♪

♪♪

Mmm. Too hard.

Okay, ah, that's too soft.

Yeah. Okay. Okay...
ooh! Just... Wrong.

- Chels?
- Hey.

Are you testing out chairs
for Levi's virtual bar mitzvah?

Oh, well, yeah. Not everyone's
gonna be watching from home.

Some people will
actually be there.

Yeah, but that'll just be us,
and we don't really care how

the chairs feel. Um...

You know what I
think's happening here?

- What?
- You're sitting on your emotions.

Oh, no, Rae. I'm
sitting on a chair that's...

Making my butt numb. Ow.

Listen, Chels. Your son
is having a bar mitzvah,

and I think it's
bringing up emotions...

No, Rae. I'm fine. Trust me.

Are you sure?

You sure you're fine?

Because you made
the cream puff guy cry.

Right? And the
other chair guy quit.

And let's not get
started on the DJ.

My favorite DJ,
girl. You ain't fine.

Listen, I only get one sh*t

to make this event
amazing, you know?

And I haven't even heard
what the swag's gonna be yet.

Uh, well, you know I got that.

- Ready? Ha. Swag.
- Yeah.

Pens.

- Pens?
- Pens.

Was... you know, that
was, that was the other day.

- We, we, I made it... -socks.
- Socks?

Socks is not the right...
see, the "s" is silent,

so what I really meant
to say was "mug."

- Mugs?
- Mugs. We...

listen, it's not about the
swag, right? It's about Levi.

You're right. I
hate to admit it.

Thank you.

Pre-packaged meals for
the guests is the way to go.

Absolutely. Yeah. Uh-huh.
Yeah. But not the fish.

Yeah... Oh, wow. This is hard.

Ow. This is hard.

♪♪

You! You don't deserve a
tasty snack, Dr. Prankenstein.

Your little creation
keeps playing tricks on us.

Look, we built a fort,
did a slippery slide,

and then he did a
barf-y thing. All right?

He's just working the
kid out of his system.

Well, it's still in his system.

He gave me soap that
turned my hands green.

I look like she-hulk.

And...

He put my phone inside
of a gelatinous fruit mold.

Hilarious! The student
has become the master.

Look, I bet you that was
his last prank, all right?

It's a pretty good
prank to go out on.

This isn't a joke, book.

I need to call Wyatt back.

He's probably mad because
he thinks I'm ignoring his texts.

- It's not funny.
- Nia, come on. It's kind of funny.

I mean, look, imagine if
your phone was set to vibrate,

so every time he texted you,
it'd make the whole thing jiggle.

He's kind of right.

Not really.

You gonna get that, Nia?

What? You can't get it.

'Cause it's in gelatin.

♪♪

Please let that be a comic
book about a bar mitzvah.

Hey! I'm not done reading
all the thought bubbles.

Levi, you need to go back
to being your regular self.

All right? The, the Levi who
reads books with hard covers.

The Levi nobody
has to remind to study.

The Levi who reminds
other people to study.

Oh, man.

What?

I forgot to study, and
you didn't remind me.

You know what? You're right.

I had my fun, but,

it's time for me to get serious.

I should go back to
studying for the service.

Great. You had your fun,

now get it done.

Wow. Remind me
to write that down.

You know I will.

How about we go to bed early,

and I'll start fresh
in the morning.

Now you're talking like Levi.

- Goodnight, Booker.
- Goodnight, Levi.

What a fart brain!

I was waiting forever
for you to lie down.

Totally worth it. Ha ha!

Where are you going?

To the couch fort.

Because it's past my
bedtime, and I shouldn't be up.

Get some rest, grandpa.

♪♪

- What is it?
- I've had it, Booker.

Levi's pranks have gone
too far. They're out of control.

Yeah, I know. I've been
legit trying to stop them.

What is going on?

Who's making all this
noise after bedtime?

Levi put glue in
my hand sanitizer.

I'm upset for two solid reasons.

These things are
glued to my hands.

My hands are teaming with germs.

Well, how do you
know it was Levi?

Because I heard him
laughing in the hallway.

Just...

That doesn't sound like Levi.

I know. I'm not
good at impressions.

No, I mean, that
doesn't sound like

something Levi
would do on his own.

I said I've been
trying to stop him.

Nia, listen, nail Polish
remover will get the glue off.

I grew up with a
little brother, too.

Oh.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

What is going on?

Chelsea isn't Chelsea,
Levi isn't Levi, and...

We're all just...

We're just getting older.

Hey, how come you didn't cry
like this when I became a man?

Because I am one, you know.

Yeah, I know, and I
wept. I wept, trust me.

But you were too busy
grooming that little manly whisker

you got going on there.

But this is different.

Why? Because of the bar mitzvah?

Well, no. And yes.

This ceremony celebrates
Levi becoming an adult, which...

Which ultimately
means he's our last baby

to not be a baby anymore.

I don't know about that.

I may have tripped up
Levi's trip to adulthood.

Oh, what'd you do, big man?

I mean, he was
with the toys, and...

And he was sad, so
I-I taught him, but...

Then he took it next level.

All right? And now, now
he won't study his torah,

or write his bar mitzvah speech.

He won't do anything, mom,
and I don't know what to do.

Oh, it's okay, sweetheart.

It seems like you
did enough. It's time...

It's time for a
grownup to handle it.

Ah, I've taught him too well!

Are you laughing at that?

What? No, no. I'm a grownup.

♪♪

♪♪

Ha ha ha!

- Knock-knock.
- Do you know the password?

Do you know you put my
nice cushions on this dirty floor?

That's the password. Come on in.

- Spray cheese?
- Uh, not now. Not ever.

Mmm!

Artificial cheesy goodness.

I never knew what I was missing.

Obviously you're missing
your mouth a couple times.

Ha ha ha! It never gets old.

You know what is getting old?

You.

You have a bar mitzvah that
you need to be preparing for.

I know my torah
portion well enough,

and can knock out
the bar mitzvah speech.

No problemo.

You know, when your
mom was your age,

she went to Hebrew
school, just like you.

Of course. She practically
knows the torah by heart.

Her inflections are perfection.

Well, that's because she
studied for her bat mitzvah,

but she didn't have the service.

What?

I always assumed she had a
bat mitzvah. Why didn't she?

That's something
you need to ask her.

Because if you'll tell me,
you'll get too emotional?

Why don't you come over
here and give me a hug?

Okay? And practice your bar
mitzvah to make your mama proud.

And you know what? Why
don't you clean up this couch first

and make me proud?

Levi, why aren't you in bed?

It's a long story involving
way too much spray cheese,

- but I'm on my way.
- Okay, honey. I'll help you.

- Mom?
- Hmm?

- Can I ask you a question?
- Of course, honey. What is it?

Well, um,

I still have to write my
bar mitzvah speech,

and I was just curious
what yours was about.

Oh, well,

I remember I really
wanted to give back

and do something
proactive to help people.

So that's what you talked about?

No. No, that's what I
actually went and did.

Yeah. Instead of my bat mitzvah,

I volunteered to help out
with the clean-up efforts

after a major earthquake.

Wow. That was a cool decision.

Yeah?

Yeah, I guess it was.

Oh, honey, what are we
doing talking about me?

This week is all
about you, okay?

You better get some rest. That
torah's not gonna read itself, huh?

Shoo shoo shoo shoo
shoo shoo shoo. Shoo!

♪♪

Levi.

Levi?

Levi, wake up!

Levi, wake up!

Did you stay up
all night studying?

I was wondering why all
my dreams were in Hebrew.

You're back. Mazel tov!

This week has been
a complete waste.

I still have to write my
bar mitzvah speech.

It has to be meaningful
and important.

Look, you're Levi Grayson.

And if anybody can write a,

a moving bar mitzvah
speech in no time, it's you.

But I've been up all night,
and my brain is mush.

I feel like someone
dropped a piano on my head.

Stupid cartoons.

Well, maybe we can
get Nia and Tess to help.

If they're still talking to you.

I need to apologize
to them, don't I?

Levi, we're tired
of your pranks.

Yeah. Now I can't
even trust a bar of soap.

I'm really sorry about the soap.

And the foam in the hallway,

and the glue in
the hand sanitizer,

and the fake spiders
in your sneakers...

Fake spiders in our sneakers?

Yo, I thought something
felt weird in the toe.

I feel sick about all of it.

Or it could be from
all that canned cheese.

Look, you guys, we're
running out of time,

and Levi needs our
help with his bar mitzvah.

You need our help?

I don't know. Tess, this
sounds like another prank.

Yeah.

- Forget it. We're not falling for it.
- No.

Wait. No. I mean it.

Absolutely, positively
no more pranks.

I deserve that.

I deserve that, too.

- All right, we'll help you now.
- Whatever you need, mini-fridge.

♪♪

Welcome! Welcome, family.

Yes, thank you for joining
us for this blessed event.

Nia, you did a wonderful job
with the flower arrangements.

- Oh, thanks, aunt Chels.
- Yes, honey.

And Booker, you...

You did the slide show.

Oh, please, aunt Chels.

Okay, let's not
make this about me.

Oh, look! There I go!

There I go...

Tess! Oh, honey, I have
high hopes for the hora.

Hey, keep 'em up there, Ms. G.

- Yep!
- Yep.

- Well, looks like you kept it together.
- Oh, no. No, no.

Not necessary, Rae.
Everything is perfect.

It is.

It really is.

Okay, just remember, honey,
you're gonna do great, okay?

Everyone who loves you is here,

you know, one way or another.

- Oh, pillow swag!
- Yeah.

That's nice.

Chair pads.

Yeah. Now when your
guests go home, they'll say,

"I'll remember you,
because I sat on your name."

- How thoughtful. Thank you, Rae.
- Yeah.

Dad, I'm so glad
you made it in time.

- So am I.
- Are you kidding?

It's my son's bar mitzvah. I
wouldn't miss it for the world.

Although my flight was
delayed, so I did almost miss it.

- I'm happy that didn't happen.
- Really?

'Cause I've never seen you
look so nervous and tense.

Or you so calm and together.

What kind of transition
is happening here?

- It's been a weird week. Nice yarmulke.
- Thank you.

Levi, I'm not very good at this,

but, um, I'm proud of you.

You know that,
right? 'Cause I am.

Very proud of you.

- And, and...
- sit down, Garrett.

Thank you.

Okay, it looks like rabbi Sarah's
ready to begin the service.

Here we go!

I can't do this.

Why'd he stop?

I don't know. That's not
supposed to happen, right?

Oh, no. That was my vision.

I know I'm not finished
with my portion,

but as I was writing
my bar mitzvah speech,

I was thinking about what
I want to do as my mitzvah.

My act of kindness.

My mom never had
her own bat mitzvah.

So, we're gonna
change that today.

Which means, I can't do this.

Without my mom.

That was my vision.

Come on up here, mom.

Levi, no. No, honey.
No. No. This is your day.

No, I've already done what
needs to be done, you know?

I, I, I planned the service, and
organized the ceremony, honey.

I, I even got those
cream puffs, huh?

No, this is your moment.
You're about to become my...

Oh, honey.

You're about to become my...

My young... young man.

Oh! Oh...

Oh, let it out,
mama. Let it out!

Okay.

♪♪

Oh!