03x10 - Creepin' It Real

[bunniefuu]

Raven's home was filmed in
front of a live studio audience.

Hello? Hi.

How many more of these scary movies are
you guys planning on watching tonight?

- Is that a body bag?
- It's a bag.

We don't know
if it's a body bag.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a body bag.
- Yeah.

Yo, we're watching the Wes
carpenter horror movie cringe binge.

We're on the people
upstairs, part one: The move-in.

Lon Hanks is trying
to find out more about

his mysterious new
neighbors, the Ghoulardis.

All this movie talk is giving
me a splitting... headache.

Um, maybe your hatchet
headband is on too tight.

What? Come on, you
guys didn't even look at me!

We're horror movie pros, Nia.

We've seen everything
from Oklahoma weed whacker

to bad dream on oak street.

Yeah. I mean, there's nothing
you could do to scare us.

We're like, un-scareable.

Ha! Ha-ha! Ha!

You don't look
un-scareable to me.

No, you don't. We gotcha!

♪ Hey... Yo ♪

♪ Let me tell you somethin' ♪

♪ Had my vision all worked out ♪

♪ But then life
had other plans ♪

♪ Tell 'em, Rae ♪

♪ It's crazy when things
turn upside down ♪

♪ But ya gotta get up
and take that chance ♪

♪ Maybe I'm just finding my way
Learning how to fly ♪

♪ Yeah, we're gonna be okay
Ya know I got you, right? ♪

♪ It might be wild, but ya
know that we make it work ♪

♪ We're just kids caught
up in a crazy world ♪

♪ C'mon! ♪

♪ It's Raven's Home ♪
Yo!

♪ We get loud! ♪

♪ It's Raven's Home ♪

♪ It's our crowd! ♪

♪ Might be tough, but
together we make it look good ♪

♪ Down for each other
like family should ♪

♪ It's Raven's Home ♪

♪ When it's tough ♪

♪ It's Raven's Home ♪

♪ We got love ♪

♪ 'Cause no matter the weather,
ya know we gon' shine ♪

♪ There for each other,
ya know it's our time ♪

Yep! That's us.

Good morning, sleepy head.

Did the people upstairs movie
marathon keep you up all night?

No, it wasn't the marathon.

- It was the actual people upstairs.
- What?

I mean, who moves in
in the middle of the night?

Well, that's what the Segers did

in the people upstairs
part two: Night movers.

Yeah, well, some people are
more productive at night, you know?

Some people are more
productive in the morning.

Me, I'm, I'm more between
like eleven and noon.

Actually, I'm kind
of drowsy right now.

Wow. Aunt Chels, where'd
you get these fake cobwebs?

- I mean, they look so real.
- Yeah, yeah. They are.

I usually stop dusting six
weeks before Halloween.

I call them "organic
decorations."

Well, I, for one,
cannot wait for tonight.

I love Halloween.

Trick or feed me.

Oh, all right! I
got you covered.

Try my new veggie candy.

I've mastered
entrees and desserts,

so I've moved on
to Halloween treats.

Okay, try this one.

This is called, uh,
black bean Taffy.

Yeah, I like to keep
my veggies veggies,

and my candies candies,
so I'm gonna pass pass.

So... rain check, rain check?

Speaking of raining checks,

it's about to with my new
luxury SCÜT, the Trenta XL.

Okay, so, I had to give
my car to the dealership,

and they needed
to keep it for a week,

so they gave me a
loaner. Check this out!

What?

That is a dope ride.

I mean, it's choking
the planet, but it's fancy.

Maybe you can take some of these
Halloween treats for your passengers.

Oh, yeah.

- No.
- That's, uh,

- that's a great idea.
- Oh!

- Why don't you go get me some more?
- Okay!

- Go get some...
- yeah.

Hey. I'm Darnell, your
new neighbor in B.

Oh, hi.

- Hi, I, I, I'm Chelsea.
- Hi.

I just wanted to apologize for
making so much noise last night.

Oh, my goodness.
That is so kind of you.

Hold on. Let me just...

I need to get this out
of the oven real quick.

Come in.

Thank you. I, I certainly wasn't
going to enter without an invitation.

Oh. Who's this little guy?

Oh. This is my son, Levi.

- Nice to meet you.
- Mm-hmm.

Wow. Your hands are cold.

I was putting away
groceries, a lot of frozen goods.

I like to...

Stock up.

Why'd you pause
before "stock up"?

Did I pause
before... "Stock up"?

Okay, now you're
doing it on purpose.

So, uh, where are you
from, Darnell? East coast?

West coast? My, uh... my dreams?

Subtle, mom.

Would you like to try some
of my homemade Kale fudge?

- Sure.
- Okay.

- What do you think?
- Hmm.

- A little vanilla.
- A little vanilla.

- Cream of tartar.
- Cream of tartar.

Agave instead of sugar.

Agave instead of sugar.
Nope, that's not in this.

I don't know why I'm repeating
everything you're saying.

Oh!

I sometimes have
that effect on people.

Hello, luxurious one. I'm Raven.

I'll be driving you for a week.

These seats are a little cold.

Did the seat
warmers just turn on?

Oh, yeah. Yes, they did.

Well, mama likes.

Wow. Okay.

Well, all I need now is
for my coffee to be warm.

Did you just warm
this up for me?

Heaven.

Hi. I'm Raven. I'll
be your SCÜT driver.

Welcome to your
luxurious SCÜT ride.

Can I offer you some tune-skies?

We have, uh, R&B,
oldies, a little country.

Sorry. I don't know what's
going on with the radio.

Oh, this is my favorite song.

Oh. Wow. It's, it's like
the car can read your mind.

He didn't come into the
apartment until he was invited in,

and he hypnotized my mom.

She was all, "vanilla.
Agave. Cream of tartar."

Levi.

See. He looks like a normal guy.

I mean, a little blurry, but...

Levi, I just had a vision of
aunt Chelsea and Darnell.

- She's in danger.
- What are we dealing with?

A werewolf? A vampire?

A dentist?

I don't know.

But whatever it is, Darnell is
definitely some kind of monster.

Wow. That horror
movie cringe binge

is making you two paranoid.

Uh, no, no, no.

That cringe binge
has made us vigilant.

We can't let our guard
down for a second.

Otherwise, aunt Chelsea will
end up like the maintenance man

the Jack o' landlord.

Spoiler alert, bruh. I
haven't seen that one yet.

And I don't think it's
a coincidence that

he moved in the night
before Halloween.

Right. Darnell probably
knows that most of the adults

in this building leave,

because they don't want to
be bothered by trick-or-treaters.

And that gives him a quiet place
to feed on unsuspecting kids.

And the single mom who
hands out healthy treats.

I, I don't write these movies.

Whoo! Break time is over.

Back to driving my
fancy, luxury SCÜT. Ah.

You know what, Chel? I
know you used to be rich, but...

You've never
experienced luxury like this.

Mm!

See anything?

Yeah, I see everything,
but no Darnell.

Uh, what are you two up to?

Oh, uh, you know. We're
just, just bird-watching.

Bird-watching?

It's October in Chicago.

There are no birds.
They all flew south.

Oh. Uh, well, we thought
they flew to the south side.

Nope, nope. Not gonna touch
that. I'm having a good day.

I don't feel like listening
to that. All right. Bye!

Whoa.

That was spooky,
Ms. B. It's like...

It's like you knew I was here.

You're always here, Tess.

Hey, Levi. You wanna
try one of these...

Macaroons?

Mom, you're not supposed to wink

at the person
you're trying to trick.

Oh. All right. Fine.

You wanna eat these
potatoes, no wink?

I'll pass. We're gonna
go look out the window

- in Tess's apartment.
- Huh?

Right, Tess?

I, I don't know what's going on,

but sure. Why not?

Hello, kids.

Hello. I'm Raven. I'll
be your SCÜT driver.

Welcome to your luxurious...

- Sir. Sir.
- Just gotta...

- Get in. Sit. Sit.
- Ah!

There we go.

- Are we expecting anyone else?
- Nope.

We headed to
meet my better half.

Yeah, I get it. I get it.

- Ooh. Is this... real pleather?
- Mm.

And perforated, at that.

I know, right? It's really cool.

- The funny thing about this car...
- Look at the range on this.

Up... Down...

- Up, down.
- Okay, sir. Okay.

- Up, down.
- Okay, sir. Sir, we get it.

We get it. Thank
you. It's for all necks.

- All right?
- Up.

Oh. Whoops.

You really like to
touch things, don't you?

Oh, yes. I'm very tactile.

This is my stress putty.

Oop. Uh-oh. Oh, no.

- I got it on the carpet.
- Are you... sir!

Oh, no. I'm making it worse!

Hot!

Hot! Hot! The seats are hot!

Sir, please, do
not touch anything!

- I need some air.
- Please, sir. Please sit still.

Ow, ow, ow! Your
car's attacking me!

- The car's attacking me!
- Sit still, sir.

Okay, I'll stop! Just let me go!

What are you talking about?
That's not me. That's the car!

- Well, stop it! Turn it off!
- No, I can't!

The steering wheel is stuck!

Can't reach my putty.
I can't reach my putty.

I'm a mama. I got this. Now,
car, you better listen to me.

Now, if you don't
behave yourself,

I'm gonna turn you right around.

Oh. Hey, neighbor.
Just going to pay my rent.

Cost me an arm and a leg.

Yeah, it's... It's
hard to get ahead.

Yeah. I got one in the
bag. You want to see it?

No.

Body bag! Body bag,
like in one of your movies!

Very funny, Nia. But I think I
know when I'm being mocked.

No. No, you're right. The
neighbor, he has a body.

And a bag. I'm...

I'm gonna faint. Catch me.

Two things.

I thought someone
was gonna catch me,

and this never leaves this room.

- What happened?
- Nia saw the new neighbor

carrying a body
out of the building.

And then she fainted,
just the like the babysitter

the fanatic in the attic.

Oh! No, it's cool. Just...

Go ahead and spoil
the whole franchise.

Pfft. Don't worry about Tess.

So, in the first
people upstairs,

the only one I've seen...

The monster's
weakness is silver.

Tess, cover your ears.

In the third one, it's garlic.

Hey, guys. Listen, I invited
the new neighbor over

for a, you know, a
get-to-know you meal.

What?

I invited the new neighbor over

for a get-to-know you meal.

Why?

You guys, Darnell
is a nice guy, okay?

I want you to be on
your best behavior.

Or else no candied
carrot rings for you, huh?

- Guys, we have to do something.
- We have to protect my mom.

Let's start by throwing out
those candied carrot rings.

All right, people. Let's
stop the evil that is Darnell.

Here are the blueprints
of the building.

Okay. Here's all the
garlic that mom has.

- Nia.
- Yeah.

Can you climb
through this crawlspace

from downstairs
to the fourth floor

with two wooden
stakes tied to your back?

No.

Okay. Plan b.

Here is all the
silverware from my house.

Well, at least I think
it's real silver, right?

Why else would my
mom keep it in the safe?

- How'd you get into the safe?
- Don't worry about it.

Okay, Nia and Tess, you guys
are the tomato marshmallow.

So when Darnell
comes over for dinner,

you sneak up to his apartment

and get proof that
he's a monster.

If you see a coffin,
take a picture.

If you see claw marks
on walls, take a picture.

- If you see a body...
- run.

But after you take that picture.

Excuse me, people who
didn't catch me when I fainted.

Why are you sending
us up to his apartment?

Well, because some people
know how to get into things.

It's a blessing and a curse.

And while Darnell's
talking to my mom,

Booker and I will try to
expose his true monster identity.

- Okay. Everyone got it?
- Got it.

Oh, my goodness, sir.

I am so sorry.

- Are you okay?
- Am I okay?

Am I okay?

That was the best Halloween
haunted SCÜT ride I've ever had!

In fact, it was the first Halloween
haunted SCÜT ride I've had.

I have to post about this.

- My followers will love it.
- Yeah, yeah.

That's it. Uh...
Yeah, this was a ride.

I, I planned the whole thing.

You see how I was
screaming, too?

I wanted to make it believable.

You were amazing.

I guess it's over.

Okay. Goodbye.

Bye.

Five stars.

Car, um...

Listen, uh... I know
we just met, all right,

but I just... I...
it could be me.

It could be me, but
it could also be you.

But I'll just blame it on
me. Okay, but are you...

Are you haunted?

Okay, um, listen. How
'bout you give me...

Two beeps for haunted,

no beeps for not haunted.

I knew it, I knew
it! You're haunted!

I'm locked in a haunted SCÜT!
I'm locked in a haunted SCÜT!

Oh, I wasn't locked
in a haunted...

But now I am!

Booker, hurry.
The coast is clear.

All right, all right, all right.

Whoo! Okay.
Operation garlic is a go.

Oh, man. Oh, man. Okay, okay.

Um, I'll get the silverware.
You get the door.

Oh, hi... Darnell.

Why'd you pause before Darnell?

Oh, did I... Pause?

Is that what I
do? I am... Sorry.

Darnell, you made it!

- Um, is everyone ready to eat?
- Yeah.

Are you excited about
the trick-or-treaters?

- Yeah, I can't wait.
- Yeah.

Well, you don't have
to wait any longer.

Oh!

Here, eat some spaghetti. You
know what I'm saying? Carbo load.

- Yes.
- Oh.

A little bit here...

- Oh, that's a lot.
- Okay. Great.

Sorry, honey.

- Aha!
- Got him!

Whoo! It looks like someone
went a little garlic-heavy

on the spaghetti.

- I'm gonna get some water.
- Oh, no, no, no, no. I'll, I'll get it.

Uh, me, too.

Spare water.

- Where'd you get that?
- Oh, I made it myself.

Blessed it with
these very hands.

That's not how it works.

Hello.

Oh, thank you.

Thanks. That's good.

Mm.

Ouch! Oh! Ooh!

- Ow.
- Let me see that. I know blood.

Let me go to my apartment
and get you some bandages.

- Nia and Tess are up there.
- Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Uh, we've got bandages
here, you know?

Everybody just stay
right where you are.

Okay? All right?

What's going on?
Where are you guys?

Okay, it took us a
minute to get up our nerve,

but we're on his floor.

- We're headed towards his door.
- Okay. So when you get in,

here's what you do.

- Let's go!
- Oh, my god!

No, no, no! You put
her down, you creep!

- Booker!
- Levi, come on, now. Help me!

Let her go!

Levi, come on! Help me!

No, guys. It's fine. He
knows what he's doing.

What? Oh, no! He
hypnotized Levi, too!

Poor little dude. He
never stood a chance.

Guys, we're all good.

No. No, it is not!

He's making you
say that with his mind.

I got you, brother.

I know you meant well,

but that was not cool.

And you were all
wrong about Darnell.

Hi, guys.

Sorry, I was just
getting caught up

in my character
of stretcher girl.

You know I was a theater minor.

What bout Darnell?

We thought Darnell was
some kind of monster.

But he really is... Nothing.

Um, you know, Trenta
XL. Can I call you Trenta?

You are one smooth ride.

Yeah, yeah. I feel that
we can go places together.

You know what I
mean? I'll treat you right.

You know, not like
those other drivers.

Give you gas... And oil,

and a car wash,
all premium, yeah.

Nothing but the best
for my t. Can I call you t?

Hey, t.

Do I see a little, little
tree sap on your hood?

You know I need
to buff that off.

I can't have my baby looking
smudgy in these streets.

Ha-ha!

Ha-ha! You fell for
it, you little squirt!

Okay, so tell me one more time

why you thought our new neighbor

was a literal monster?

Well, there was blood.

- And a dead body.
- Moving in at midnight.

And your hypnotizing eyes.

Yeah, all EMT
related. And eyes...

All me.

Yeah. Yeah, they are.

What is an EMT?

It's an emergency
medical technician.

Yeah, we were just showing
Levi the blanket carry.

- Oh.
- Oh.

Part of my job is teaching
life-saving techniques,

- usually on my CPR dummy, Annie.
- Oh!

- That's the dead body I saw.
- But what about the blood?

Tomato beet juice.
I'm a big juicer.

So you moved in at
midnight because...?

I work long hours during the day.
It was the only time I could move in.

- Oh.
- Oh, okay. But what about the fog?

I'm also a DJ.

I can get the party
and your heart started.

I'm DJ.

Okay. None of this explains
why your door opened by itself.

- Mm.
- That...

Should not be happening. I
need to talk to the manager.

Why'd you pause after "that"?

Come on, kid.

Trick or treat!

Yes! Finally!

Oh! Oh, I'm so scared!

Here. Help yourselves.

They don't know what scary is!

My Trenta XL is possessed.

And I just left it there.

I think that might be
a tomorrow's problem.

Hey, you wanna hear
about a today problem?

Our kids thought
our new neighbor

was some sort of evil
monster out to get us.

Oh. We got a new neighbor?

Yeah. Darnell.
He's right over there.

No, no, no, no, no.

You cannot buy
my silence. Uh-uh.

No. You should have checked

to see if that car had ghosts
before you gave it to me.

Did I say ghosts? I meant,
uh, glitches. I mean...

No.

Oh, so... so you'll give me a
luxury SCÜT if I stay silent?

You just bought
yourself some silence.

Woo.

Don't tell the kids.