03x16 - Bah Humbugged

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Raven's Home". Aired: July 21, 2017 - present.*
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Best friends Raven and Chelsea are together again and raising their three children under one roof.
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03x16 - Bah Humbugged

Post by bunniefuu »

Raven's Home was filmed in
front of a live studio audience.


♪ I said it's Christmas time ♪

♪ and I'm feeling fine ♪

♪ can't wait to get
these gifts of mine, ah ♪


♪ so get on up ♪

Fellas, let me hear ya.

♪ It is time for
Christmas, yeah ♪


Ladies! ♪ It is time
for Christmas ♪


Now fellas say, yeah, yeah.

Ladies say, yeah, yeah.

Mama say, "shh!"

Booker, we had a conversation,

and you promised that you
wouldn't start your Christmas cray,

and wake us up until
right before Christmas.

Mom, tomorrow is Christmas Eve!

Okay. Well, let your
cray flag fly, then.

What's going on over here?

Why are you ringing the...

Oh, those are your cray bells!

Mom, you are on cookie duty.

On it.

- Nia, decorations with me.
- Got it.

Levi, organizing presents.
But do it in our room.

I need space to create my
Christmas magic masterpiece.

And I need a place to go
back to sleep. So it all works.

Aunt Chelsea?

Aunt Chelsea?

- Aunt Chelsea!
- Oh!

Eggnog.

Owen, are you serious?

After last year's debacle?

Wow. I really admire
your faith in me.

Oh, no. I, um...

I won't be drinking it. It's, uh,
it's to clean off the ornaments.

♪ Ohhh ♪

♪ Hey... Yo ♪

♪ Let me tell you somethin' ♪

♪ Had my vision all worked out ♪

♪ But then life
had other plans ♪

♪ Tell 'em, Rae ♪

♪ It's crazy when things
turn upside down ♪

♪ But ya gotta get up
and take that chance ♪

♪ Maybe I'm just finding my way
Learning how to fly

♪ Yeah, we're gonna be okay
Ya know I got you, right?

♪ It might be wild, but ya
know that we make it work ♪

♪ We're just kids caught
up in a crazy world ♪

♪ C'mon! ♪

♪ It's Raven's Home ♪
Yo!

♪ We get loud! ♪

♪ It's Raven's Home ♪

♪ It's our crowd! ♪

♪ Might be tough, but
together we make it look good ♪

♪ Down for each other
like family should ♪

♪ It's Raven's Home ♪

♪ When it's tough ♪

♪ It's Raven's Home ♪

♪ We got love ♪

♪ 'Cause no matter the weather,
ya know we gon' shine ♪

♪ There for each other,
ya know it's our time ♪

Yep! That's us.

You know, Rae, I'm doing
things differently this year.

I can tell, Chels. I can
tell. 'Cause, you know,

the key ingredient
to eggnog is egg,

but I don't see any egg
on your shopping list.

Ah, ah, ah. That's
what the tofu's for.

Yeah.

And for the nog,

I'm using almond butter.
Shh! Don't tell the kids.

But I love them. I have...

They're here! They're here!

Boys, could you
help me with the tree?

Oh. Why just the boys?

Oh. We figured you didn't
wanna be covered in pine needles.

Oh. Yeah, you're right.

Carry on.

Look at the tree! Aw.

Hey, I also brought the kinara.

You know, I thought we could
do it like we used to, you know.

Hey, we haven't
celebrated Kwanzaa

since mom and dad split up.

Well, yeah, that's because
dad got the kinara in the divorce.

And since we're
celebrating all the holidays,

let's break out the menorah.

Oh, it's already
in the windowsill.

This is, uh...

This is not a game to me, bruh.

- It's the Christmas cray.
- Ah.

I'll take these to the back.

I'm in charge of
organizing the presents.

And those are just from us.

Santa will bring his
Christmas morning.

If you need a hand,
son, I've got two of them.

Yep. Come on.

Um, actually, Garrett,

I thought while I was out
getting eggnog ingredients,

you could help
Raven in the kitchen?

What? Why was my name
said? What'd you say? Why?

- I'll wash up.
- We don't have any soap for you.

- No, no, no. Go back home.
- Rae. Rae!

- Huh.
- Okay, listen.

Don't you think it would be nice

if you and Garrett spent
a little time together?

Listen, Chels. If
it was up to me,

I would embrace him in a second.

You know? But,
it's, it's Booker.

You know how he is
with these assignments.

He's got the Christmas cray.

Yeah.

Is it all right if Garrett helps
your mom with the cookies?

Oh, great!

Now I don't have to find
something for him to do.

How come the Christmas
cray never goes my way?

It's okay, Rae. Listen, just...

Spend some time
together, you know?

He is Levi's dad, and
he's gonna be in our lives.

Okay, fine. Fine. Just...

There better be something
shiny underneath that tree for me.

Shiny, yeah. Sounds expensive.

If you insist.

Chels, look.

Look. It's my
grandma Mary bell's

- ginger snap recipe.
- Oh, my gosh.

We used to make these
every Christmas together.

Yeah!

I remember!

It really brings out your
Christmas cray-cray.

Ha ha! Yes!

- Yes.
- You're right! You're right!

- Yeah.
- I just love that it's been passed down

from generation to
generation, and look.

Look, it's in my
grandma's handwriting.

It's beautiful.

- So, where do you want me?
- On the roof.

- Look at this one.
- Oh, my gosh.

- Look how happy mom and dad were.
- Yeah. Hmm.

Oh, yes! Yes, Devon. I love you.

Nia! I just had a vision.

- Mom and dad are getting back together.
- What?

No. No way. Okay, tell
me exactly what you saw.

All right, look. Okay. So,
so dad was on one knee,

holding up something
shiny, and mom was like...

"Yes, Devon! I love you!"

- Aah!
- Booker, come on.

Look, I know the holidays
are all about miracles,

but this one's just
not gonna happen.

Nia, why would dad bring
all this stuff from the past

unless he wanted to
recreate the good old days?

I think this is a new level
of your Christmas cray.

You know what, Nia? I'm
going to recreate this photo.

Bring back the good old days.

Mom and dad are gonna
fall in love all over again.

I guess anything is possible.

Yeah, I might wake up with a
Nobel peace prize in my stocking.

Well, it won't be
for that attitude.

You guys are still putting
up Christmas decorations?

- Yeah. You wanna help?
- Oh, I can't.

Glitter gives me hives. Yeah.

- Where's Levi?
- Uh...

He's in the back
sorting presents.

Presents? See,
now that's my speed.

Aah.

Here are the stockings and
the rest of the ornaments.

Oh. Thanks, dad.

All right. I'm headed
downtown. See you kids later.

Hey, do you mind if I tag along?
I need to buy something for Rae.

She's the hardest
person to shop for.

What?

Maybe for you.

I know exactly what to get her.

It's gonna be shiny, and
it's gonna be her favorite gift.

Okay. This sounds
like a challenge.

- Oh, does it now?
- Yeah.

Oh, gosh, what
happens when you lose?

Well, how 'bout the loser
does Christmas dishes?

Bet.

Oh.

- Bet!
- Yeah.

Hey, uh, I'll be
right back, you two.

I need to get something
shiny for your mom.

Hmm. Hmm. Um-hmm.

Did you, did you, did
you, did you just hear that?

Yeah.

Dad said he was going to
get something shiny for mom.

Like a... like a new
engagement ring.

I did hear that.

Wait. Booker, could
this really, really happen?

I might be feeling something.

Yes!

You're feeling that
Christmas cray-cray.

Yeah.

- Oh!
- Come here.

Hey, your name isn't on that.

But don't you want
to know what it is?

No. I mean, yes.

But we'll find out
Christmas morning.

Wait. How do you
know what's inside?

Let's just say I have... A gift.

Look, check it out.

Underwear.

Socks.

Gym shoes.

Matching hat and glove set.

Ooh. And it's ugly, too.

So, what are you getting?

Um, I'm not sure about this one.

Maybe it's a book bag.

Or a board game.

- Come on. Let's open it.
- Are you insane?

We're not opening anything.

Come on. But don't you
want to know what's inside?

What I want to know is why my
mom lets me hang out with you.

Want to see
Raven's favorite gift?

It's not shiny, but,

I think she's gonna love it.

I've already seen it.

It's in this bag.

Oh, yeah? Show me.

Fine.

Fine. Now that I
know what you got her,

I know I can top it.

- I'm taking mine back.
- No, no, no, no. I'm taking mine back.

- I'm taking mine back first.
- You can't take yours back!

I'm taking mine back.

We are going to be making
my special Christmas cookies

- using my grandmama's recipe.
- Oh, wonderful.

- My grandmum once...
- nope, nope, nope,

nope, nope, nope, nope.

It's not about your grandmum.

Okay, that was...

That was mean. I'm
sorry. Please. Please.

Tell me about your grandmum.

No, that was simply a bonding
tactic. I never met the woman.

She shipped me off to boarding
school and d*ed a summer later.

It made me very
sad, but also very rich.

I'm sorry, that was another
lie. I'm very nervous.

Why, why are you nervous?

'Cause you and I have never
had the best relationship.

You know what? All
of that is behind us.

It's Christmas, and Chelsea
told me to be nice to you.

So! I am going
to be nice to you.

And me being nice to you is a
recipe for some good old holiday fun.

Why don't you get that, uh, roll
of parchment paper out for me.

Aah! Ha ha!

Much news in the kingdom!

"Hear ye, hear ye.
The new Jester stinks.

Everybody hates his jokes."

Little, little, little
bit. Little, little bit.

Little bit... no, stop,
stop, stop, stop.

Booker, I want our parents to get
back together as much as you do,

but why are we recreating our
living room from when we were little?

Nia, I am trying to
set the scene perfectly.

So just pay attention.

Now the elf goes
next to the sleigh.

And the sleigh is
turned slightly clockwise.

Am I a joke to you, Nia?

In that hat? Yes.

Huh. Wasn't the hat.

See, what people don't realize

that the key to making a fluffy,

yet moist cookie,

is how you sift the flour.

- Hmm. Mm-hmm.
- And you sift it like this. You ready?

- See that? See that technique?
- Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.

Now, I gotta get
the baking soda.

See, baking soda
is a key ingredient.

And what most
people don't realize is...

Where's... where,
where's my baking soda?

Oh, it's, it's right here.

Okay. What, what did you do?

I organized the ingredients,

so you can move
seamlessly from wet to dry.

Oh.

Wow. That's, um...

That's really
helpful. Thank you.

I'm an excellent organizer.

Who do you think was in
charge of the prison library?

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Wow. I'm actually
stumped by this.

Nothing has challenged my
powers like this before. Nothing!

We're gonna have to open it.

Do you know how much
trouble we could get in?

Trust me, Levi.
They'll never know.

You're dealing with
a professional, kid.

Light.

I don't know, Tess.
Is this a good idea?

Is that a play-mania?

We've been begging for
that console for months.

Let's open it and play!

Wow. You got on
board pretty fast.

Heating blanket?

- Heating blanket.
- What?

No, wait, wait, wait. Chels.

Look, so this doesn't
keep happening,

why don't you just tell me
what you're gonna get her,

I tell you what I'm gonna get her, and
we make sure it's not the same thing.

All right. Let's do it.

- On the count of three.
- Okay.

One, two, three.

- Gloves.
- Gloves.

One, two, three.

- Boots.
- Boots.

One, two, three.

- Judge Giovanni calendar?
- Judge Giovanni calendar?

- Swimsuit edition.
- Swimsuit edition.

- Get out of my head!
- Get out of my head!

Well, now that you're
being all honest,

what about the time you said
you worked for pan-am airlines?

Oh, I thought that was obvious.
They've been out of business for years.

I... that's what I was trying
to tell Chelsea, but she was...

- Determined to believe me?
- Yes.

Oh.

I'm happy we're
turning over a new leaf.

You're funny. How's
that buttering coming?

All finished.

Perfect. Here. Why don't
you turn on the mixer,

and tell me how many
teaspoons of cinnamon I need.

I gotta wash off these spoons.

Have a look.

No, no, no.

Aah. It was worse.

- What did you do?
- I just got butterfingers.

Garrett, what did you do?

- Aah.
- This was my grandmother's


handwritten recipe!

We, we could just towel it off.

No! No, don't.
Don't. Stop it! Stop it!

You can't towel it off!
You can't towel it off!

You ruined it!

I'm sorry, love. I
didn't mean to drop it.

Would it make you feel
any better if I told you

that I took a photo
of the recipe?

- Did you?
- No, I'm nervous. I went back to lying.

Out! Get out!

Where's the plug?

Whew. There it is.

What was that?

Chill, little dude.

It's okay. We'll put
it back together.

Look at it!

There's no putting
it back! It's broken!

Uh, it's getting
late. I'm gonna go.

- Yeah. Go ahead and go.
- All right.

I'll take care of this.

I'll tell my mom and
auntie Rae that I broke it.

And that it was your
idea to open the presents.

And you know they'll believe me.

And the first
thing they will do,

is take away your
food privileges.

You wouldn't!

- Wouldn't you?
- Aw, dang it.

You're tough, little man.

Fine. I guess we gotta
come up with a plan

to keep everyone from
finding out it was us.

I got it!

It's called "operation
do nothing."

So we'll re-wrap the console,
and put it under the tree.

Then you open it on
Christmas morning

just like normal, and...

"Oh, my gosh. It came broken?"

Oh!

Then my mom and
auntie Rae will exchange it,

and all will be
right with the world.

You see?

Easy-peasy.

Okay, guys. What do you think?

It's my grandma
Mary bell's recipe

flavored with my grandma
Mary bell's recipe card.

Well, that tastes like
some family love, sugar.

I hope you got dish soap in there
because I found Rae the perfect gift.

Oh, gosh, I did get dish soap,

and you're gonna be using it.

Oh, gee. I wonder
who that could be.

What did you do?

I put our name on the
building caroling list.

You remember how much mom and dad used
to love to sing along with the carolers?

Wow. Book, you really
thought of everything.

Mom, I really think
you should get the door.

Aren't you closer to the door?

How come I have to walk all the
way from the kitchen and get the door?

Seems to me, next time
you're opening the door.

You better be glad
it's the holidays.

♪ Silent night ♪

♪ holy night ♪

♪ all... ♪

Wow. Times have changed.

It's okay, though, 'cause
that's not the main event.

- Okay.
- Oh! Mom, dad!

Since we're all here, will you
put the star on top of the tree?

- Oh. Yeah.
- It's tradition.

Ooh. Oh, my goodness.

Oh, yes. Yes, Devon. I love you.

You saved my family's
ornament. I mean,

if this broke, I would
have been brokenhearted.

That was my vision.

Oh!

Oh, you thought because
dad was on his knees,

that he was gonna
propose to her?

Hey, book, you okay?

I just need some air.

Can you pick a warmer
place to be upset?

Trust me, the boiler
room is just as depressing.

Nia, it was the clearest
vision I've ever had in my life.

I believe you.

And I really wanted it to
be true, too, but I guess...

It's just not meant to be.

You know? And...

We've got to be okay with
that. Mom and dad are happy.

But, you know, this was supposed
to be our Christmas miracle.

Maybe our Christmas miracle

is recognizing how
great our lives are.

Whether our parents
are together or not.

What do you mean?

Booker, we can't
control our parents.

What we can control is if
we're there for each other or not.

Plus, I wanna see
how long it takes you

to grow into that
big head of yours.

Yeah, and I wanna see
how long it takes you

to grow out of
that bad attitude.

Okay, kids. All right. Listen.

We were listening, and, Booker,

I'm sorry you're
disappointed. But just because

your dad and I aren't together,

doesn't mean that
we're not a family.

I guess just seeing the kinara

and all those old
family photos just...

Made me think about
how things used to be.

Yeah, even I thought Booker's
vision was gonna come true

when dad said he was off
to buy mom something shiny.

Ooh, you were gonna buy me
something shiny? Give it to me!

So I said "something shiny" and
you both assumed I meant a ring?

No, no, no. A bracelet,
or earring, you know.

Or a tiara. Ooh, I, I
look good in a tiara.

Rae, it's not the time.

Listen, kids.

I know it's the holiday season,

and we're all looking for
that Christmas miracle,

but us being together
is a miracle in itself.

Ooh, that's true, Rae.

- It's like a zero-degree miracle.
- Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it is freezing.

Oh, you're freezing?

You'd be out here without
a coat if it weren't for me.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I owe you one.
- Eh.

This one's on the
house. It's Christmas.

Also, your gift
hasn't arrived yet.

Also, I didn't order it.

Also, I don't have any money.

And let me see...
uh-uh! Hat and gloves!

Oh, you're good. And it is ugly.

I love that he has
the Christmas cray.

It's like he loves everything.

Here you go, Rae.
Merry Christmas.

- Oh, thank you!
- Yeah.

- Merry Christmas, Rae.
- Well, thank you!

You both got me gift cards?

- Dang it!
- Dang it!

No, you guys. It's like you
didn't know what I wanted,

but you knew where I'd get
it from. Thank you so much.

- Oh. Yeah.
- Hmm.

Merry Christmas, Raven.

I'm sorry for screwing
things up in the kitchen.

But now I know how much
your recipe cards mean to you,

so I wanted to get you something
that would keep them safe.

Like how you kept my
family safe while I was away.

Oh, I love it so
much! Thank you!

Man, after all that,

Garrett gave her the best gift.

I wash, you dry?

Yeah. Yeah.

Ugh.

Ow!

Who put this
butter on the floor?

Hey, you guys, look. There's
still a present underneath the tree!

- Whoa.
- Oh, but there's no name on it.

Oh, it's probably
just an empty box.

Let's save it for boxing day!

What? Don't be silly,
honey. Just open it now.

No, if the kids want to
wait, just let them wait.

I don't wanna wait.

Booker, you're not
all the kids, right?

Okay, can someone
just open the box, please?

Stay calm, Levi.

I, I can't do it, Tess.

I have to tell them.

Stay calm, Garrett.

I can't do it, Devon. I've
tasted butter-coated honesty,

and I can't go back.

Yo, it's a play-mania?

- We broke it!
- We broke it!

- What? What are you guys talking about?
- Yeah.

Well, we bought it for the kids,

and couldn't help
but give it a test run,

and test results are
it's very easy to break.

Wait, so you broke
it before we did?

It's called "operation
do nothing," Levi.

You're doing the most.

We ordered a new one,
but it's not gonna be here

till later this week. So...

- The broken one's just the placeholder.
- Oh.

Um, this isn't broken.

Wait, then, where'd
that one come from?

What?

Merry Christmas, family.

Merry Christmas!

Aw!
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