17x01 - Show Off/Dog's Best Friend

[bunniefuu]

♪ Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view ♪

(laughing)

♪ And I say hey ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You've got to listen to your
heart, listen to the b*at ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together
and make things better ♪

♪ By working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message,
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself,
for that's the place to start ♪

♪ And I say hey ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

Hey!

Hey, D.W.!

Hey!

Whoa...

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

who's the cutest creature
of them all?

Huh? What?

You've got to be kidding me.

Is it magic mirror time?

Oh, goodie!

See for yourself.

What?

You've got to be kidding me.

That's just what I said.

And who's that with her?

I have no idea.

Maybe there's something wrong
with the mirror today.

I'll give it a wipe.

(growling)

Easy, now.

We didn't mean any offense.

You are both definitely
very... cute.

Let's use the mirror
in the Queen's room.

It works better.

b*at it, fuzz face.

I got here first.

You're clearly lost.

This mirror is
for beautiful creatures.

The rude and ugly mirror
is down the hall.

Oh yeah?

I could b*at you in a cute
contest any day of the week.

Ha!

You couldn't win if you were
the only contestant

and the judge was your mother.

Bring it on, Pom-Pom.

Bring it on.

(growling)

And then you bury
the wallet like so.

Sweet Kibble!

What on earth is
Amigo doing?

Dos...

Tres...

Cuatro...

Amigo, is your back all right?

Do you need a doctor?

No, no, I was just trying
to lose a little weight.

Good heavens!

Why?

I must look my best
for the dog show next week.

Alberto is going
to enter me.

(laughing)

Oh, it's too good!

(still laughing)

You?

In a dog show?

(laughing)

What?

(gasps)

You're serious.

Why shouldn't he be?

Amigo is a very handsome dog.

I wouldn't be surprised
if he won.

Gracias, Kate.

But I didn't think silly things
like dog shows

mattered to you, Amigo.

They don't really.

But it would make
Alberto happy.

And there is a prize.

It might be ham.

Maybe you should
sign up too, Pal.

Me?

But no...

I'm so small.

My ears are too floppy.

Nonsense.

I think you look
very distinguished.

In fact, you could both win.

Well, I guess I do have
a sort of rugged appeal.

That strong jaw
with those gleaming teeth.

That proud nose...

Gosh, I am good-looking.

(splashing)

I'll do it.

For Arthur.

(barking)

"The Wiegel-Bandolik Dog Show
comes to Elwood City.

Applicants welcome."

(whimpering)

Hmm...

I'm going to enter him today.

I really think he's got a sh*t.

He's great at running around
in circles.

Nine...

Ten!

Good work, Pal.

You can eat now.

(panting)

Not too much.

Remember your figure.

There.

See?

I held back.

I feel lighter already.

This training isn't so bad.

(gasps)

Mom, the bacon
is touching the eggs.

I can't eat it.

"Moo be blam hum" bacon, Pal?

(gasps)

(doorbell rings)

Hey, everyone.

Who wants leftover roast beef?

Oh, the agony.

The agony.

(whimpering)

Huh?

(panting)

I did it.

I did it!

Ooh, crumbs.

We have just
started training

and you've never
looked better, my friend.

Thank you, old boy, you too.

(laughing)

Look at them, Beasley.

They actually think
they can win.

It's so funny.

And yet so tragic.

I say, we have just as much
chance of winning as you do,

you well-groomed quadruped.

Mm, I don't think so.

You wait and see.

Look at this tail.

It's perfect.

Yes, yes, lovely.

But you see, neither of you
have any chance of winning

because you are mutts.

(sniffing)

I can smell it a mile away.

What?

Purebreds only?

Amigo is a mix of bulldog
and boxer.

I'm not sure what Pal is,

but whatever it is,
I don't think it's pure.

Ah, the humans have learned.

Well, cheer up, mutts.

You wouldn't have won anyway.

Have fun rolling in garbage
or whatever it is you do.

Ta-ta.

And so we can't compete

simply because
we're not "purebreds."

What's a "purebred"?

I don't know.

But whatever it is,
apparently I'm not it.

It means you only have
one breed of dog in you.

Pretty loopy, right?

I mean, who cares?

A dog is a dog.

My parents were in dog shows
before I went to the shelter.

"Stand like this.

Walk like that."

They won a lot of them,
but they hated it.

Wait.

So you're a purebred?

Don't look
so shocked, Baby.

I'm % Jack Russell terrier.

Me? Are you out
of your mind?

I can't stand
those dog shows.

But you could win.

You said your parents
won a lot of them.

And there is a prize.

It might be ham.

k*ller, if you saw
how that snooty poodle

offended the Read name,

I know you would want
to do something.

You're barking up
the wrong tree.

You'll never get me
in that dog show,

and that's final.

SEBASTIAN:
Ah, if it isn't the mutts.

(gasps)

It's him.

I see there's a new one.

Oh wait, it might just be
a large rat.

(growling)

You talking to me?

(gasps):
It speaks.

What an impressive rat.

Listen, you shrub,

take your little pom-poms
back to your cheap hair salon

and never bother
my friends again.

How dare you, a common mutt,
talk to me that way?

I am Sebastian Winkleplotz,

shining example
of the standard poodle.

Come on, human.

Let's get away
from this loathsome creature

before we catch
something.

Sign me up.

Oh.

(whimpering)

(meowing)

(barking)

(growling)

I don't know, Kate.

She just doesn't seem like
a show dog.

She's too...

independent.

But k*ller has come so far, Pal.

And you know her.

When she wants something,
she's unstoppable.

Well, I guess we'll find out
tomorrow.

Good night, Kate.

Good night, Pal.

(panting)

I'm standing here
with Thora Read

and her absolutely iconic
Jack Russell terrier.

What do you think,
little pooky-wooky?

Are you going to win
the blue ribbon?

(growling)

Oh dear!

Let go.

That uncouth cur doesn't stand
a chance against me.

Still, one can never be
too careful.

That's why I brought this.

She'll never be able
to resist chasing it.

(laughing evilly)

I'm so nervous, I've chewed
a hole in my pacifier.

(sniffing)

Do you smell
something strange, Pal?

Hmm?

It's probably just me.

I found a nice pile
of compost this morning.

(bells ringing)

I think it's starting.

(stifled growling)

And now it's time for the judge
to choose who is Best in Show.

It's been a remarkable group,

but the real contest is between
the lively Jack Russell

and the crowd-pleasing
standard poodle.

(applause)

Let's see how disciplined
that little runt really is.

(growling)

(gasps)

Oh!

(crowd murmuring)

(barking)

(growling)

Oh, dear, that's going
to cost k*ller some points.

(growling)

(sighs)

I guess it's over.

Not quite.

I thought that poodle
might try something sneaky,

so I brought along
a secret w*apon.

Roast beef.

Let's see if Mr. Hoity-Toity
can resist that.

(sniffing)

Beef.

Roast beef.

Roast beef with peppercorns
in a mustard-shallot reduction.

Stand back, human.

I haven't had a decent piece
of meat in weeks!

(screaming)

(audience gasps)

I can't believe
the dachshund won.

He was all skin and bones.

I'm just happy it wasn't
that insufferable poodle.

The prize was terrible.

A ribbon? Please.

This is a prize for a cat,
not a dog.

Like I said,
dog shows are ridiculous.

Now, if there was a contest
to see which dog

had the nicest personality,
that would be different.

What?

You're saying I don't have
a nice personality?

Who's nicer than you?

You are a little lamb.

Aw, thanks.

Now, who thinks they can get
the ball from me?

Hey, where's everyone going?

Come back, you cowards!

And now...

I'm Ben, and I'm years old.

Hey, Jesse.

And my dog is Jesse,
and she is almost two.

Good girl, Jess.

Today, we're at a dog park,

and we're going to be talking
a little bit about dog training.

Give me your paw.

Good girl.

If you just get a dog
and you don't train them at all,

they're probably not going to do
what you want from a dog.

Sit.

Down.

Sitting is, for example,
on a walk,

if we want her attention,
we ask her to sit.

Sit.

Good girl.

I just gave her chicken bacon.

You want to give her praise
at the end--

for example, a treat
or saying "Good girl"--

because then she feels like
she did something.

Stay.

Training is a key thing,

and sometimes you need to go
to a dog trainer.

The dog is the student,
you're the teacher.

It is absolutely all about
the relationship, you know.

It's the connection you have
with your dog.

BEN:
Vera is a dog trainer,

and she's taught me
to understand

a dog's behaviors
and their signals.

Since the gate swings this way,

have her sit over here,
and you're going to go through

without letting her go out
in front of you first.

BEN:
Today, we're at my house

and Vera's showing me
a few other things.

VERA:
So we'll get her to sit
before crossing.

It's really important
that dogs sit.

It gives you a chance to look
around and see what's coming

and have her look up at you.

Good girl.

And then say, "Let's go."

Let's go, come on, Jess.

And she's just a great dog
to have around.

You can just look at her
and smile.

She's always been kind of
rascally and very playful.

We need to teach dogs and
puppies how to live with people,

and that's why classes
and training are so important.

KIDS:
And now...

ANNOUNCER:
Welcome to another exciting
episode of...

Taking care of a pet owner
is a big responsibility.

You must make sure your
pet owner has a healthy diet.

Huh?

Exercise is very important
for them.

They may resist you at first,
but you must be assertive.

(growling)

Ah!

(yelling)

And always remember,

you must reward
your pet owner

when they follow
instructions.

Whoa!

(groans)

(laughing)

What are you doing?

I was just showing the audience
how to care for your pet owner.

But Arthur is my pet owner.

Why didn't you use Alberto?

He wasn't around,

and I just happened to be
in your yard, so...

(barking)

(whimpering)

The most important thing,
however,

is to let your pet owner know
who's in charge.

Thank you for agreeing to look
after Amigo while I'm away.

No problem.

I'm sure you'll do great
at the hockey championships.

Thanks.

Come on, boy, let's try
one more time.

Let's impress Arthur.

(whimpering)

I've been trying to teach him to
catch that ball for weeks now.

(whimpering)

See you, Alberto.

Don't worry about a thing.

Good luck.

Amazing!

How did you teach him?

What can I say?

I'm really good with dogs.

Up, Amigo.

One leg.

No legs.

Amazing!

Huh? Amigo?

Welcome to our humble abode,
old chap.

Allow me to take you
on a tour of Read Manor.

It was my old dog bed.

There might even be a few
leftovers under there.

Thank you, my friend.

But the floor is fine for me.

Really?

All right.

Suit yourself.

Dry food is served
throughout the day.

Wet food is served
only in the evenings.

I think tonight
is lamb and rice.

Dry food and wet food?

Increíble!

Over here.

This is confidential
information,

but here is exactly where you
want to sit at breakfast.

The corner between
Kate and Arthur.

Neither of them can resist
The Puppy Face.

(whimpering cutely)

Thank you.

But I've been trained
not to beg at the table.

Oh, well...

(clears throat)

It's not really "begging."

I simply show up at the right
place at the right time.

BABY KATE:
Amigo!

Has Pal been getting you
settled?

We're so happy to have you
for the weekend.

It is I who am honored
to be your guest.

Oh, I almost forgot.

From our garden.

Oh, you shouldn't have.

(sniffing)

Isn't he the perfect
gentleman?

Yes, well, we mustn't dawdle.

There's still more
of the house to see.

Come, come...

(gasps)

What's going on?

This ball almost hit me.

Don't look at me.

He threw it.

"Ty poo petch da moll," Amigo.

What does he want?

I think he wants you
to catch the ball.

Why?

It's dirty.

Who knows why humans
do anything.

He did it!

He did it!!

It's only the second day
and I taught him the trick.

Ah, the simplest things
make them happy.

They're just like
puppies.

"Ice bob."

"Hoo pat da moll."

Good boy, Amigo.

Good boy.

What?

But I was the one
who told him what to do.

ARTHUR:
Good boy!

Good boy.

Good boy.

Good boy.

Good boy.

(panting)

No, Pal.

That's Amigo's ball.

It was terrible.

Amigo got good-boys,

and I didn't get one.

And for what?

Playing catch?

Any dog can do that.

It sounds to me like
you're a little jealous.

Jealous?

(laughing)

How absurd.

Why would I be jealous
of Amigo?

It could be because
he's so strong.

Or polite.

Or generous.

Or the fact that every...

Okay, okay, that's enough.

I can see that you've fallen
under his spell as well.

Oh, Pal.

Don't be silly.

Oh, I'm so tired.

That game is fun, but Arthur
never gets bored of it.

How nice for you.

(gasps)

PAL:
Nice catch, Pal.

Good boy.

Nice catch, Pal.

Good boy.

(evil laughter)

Oh, I knew it would happen
sooner or later.

The little rag doll has finally
lost his vittles.

Oh, be quiet, Nemo.

I'm not in the mood.

Well.

I haven't seen you this down

since I buried your ham bone
in kitty litter.

What's wrong?

(sighs)

Arthur likes Amigo
better than me.

I can't imagine why.

Perhaps it's because Amigo's
so strong.

Or polite.

Or generous.

Or...

Okay, okay, I get it.

Well, cheer up, Mopey.

There's an easy solution.

There is?

Of course.

Just make yourself
look better.

Oh wait,
that's impossible.

You better make Amigo
look bad instead.

That's what I would do.

But that's so devious.

I know.

That's why I like it.

(groaning)

(growling)

(snoring)

(chuckling)

We'll see who's
a good boy now.

For destruction of footwear,
I order you to the pound.

Good-bye, Amigo.

I'll send you rawhide
every week.

Hello, old boy.

How is it in there?

All we eat are vegetables,

and there are baths
three times a day.

(gasps)

I don't know how much more
I can take.

I'm innocent, Pal.

Time's up, Liver Lips.

Move along,
or it's the cone for you.

Oh, I can't go through with it.

(snoring)

(robot beeping)

Who's that?

(gasps)

Bad dog!

PAL:
It was the worst scolding
I've had

since the Thanksgiving Incident.

And sneaker doesn't taste
half as good as turkey.

Never take the advice
of a cat, Kate.

May I stick my head
in that hole?

Be my guest.

But why did you want to get
Amigo in trouble

in the first place?

Because I thought it would make
Arthur like me better again.

Oh, Pal.

Of course Arthur likes you
better than Amigo.

PAL:
No, he doesn't.

Ever since Amigo arrived,

it's "good dog" this
and "good dog" that.

All I ever get now is
"Heel, sit, stay."

Aw, poor Pal.

(whimpering)

Good-bye, old boy.

I wish you and Amigo
all the best.

(snoring lightly)

(owl hooting)

AMIGO:
Oh, be quiet,
you silly owl.

"Hoo. Hoo. Hoo."

Who cares, already?

Amigo?

What are you doing here?

I decided to come home
a little early.

But why?

Because I have upset you.

I don't want to come
between you and Arthur.

He likes you better.

But you can't leave.

I'm running away.

No, don't run away.

Go home.

Absolutely not.

I insist you go back.

You are too late,
my friend.

I have already left.

(thunder)

Oh dear, maybe neither of us
should run away tonight.

Mira!

Look at the floor.

Amigo, relax.

We're dogs.

They expect us to make a mess

every now and then.

(growling)

(laughing)

(jar rattling)

(jar shattering)

(barking happily)

(snoring)

(gasps)

What happened in here?!

Hey, boy.

Did you have a good time?

He wasn't any trouble, was he?

Um, well...

No.

(under his breath):
At least not until the end.

Hey, I've got a surprise
for you.

Okay, Amigo.

Let's impress Alberto.

Huh? What?

But...

I know, I know, Arthur.

Pal is talented.

You're a lucky guy.

Come on, boy, let's go home.

(barking)

Oh, I love having guests over
for the weekend.

You do?

Oh, yes.

They always bring out
the best in you.

(panting)