18x02 - The Case of the Girl with the Long Face/The Substitute Arthur

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Arthur". Aired: October 7, 1996 - February 2022.*
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Arthur demonstrates to kids how to deal with challenges as homework, teachers and bullies.
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18x02 - The Case of the Girl with the Long Face/The Substitute Arthur

Post by bunniefuu »

HELP ALL KIDS LEARN AND GROW
WITH PBS KIDS.

THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING YOUR
PBS STATION.

♪ Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view ♪

(laughing)

♪ And I say hey ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen to your
heart, listen to the b*at ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together
and make things better ♪

♪ By working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message,
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself,
for that's the place to start ♪

♪ And I say hey ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

Hey!

Hey, D.W.!

Hey!

Whoa...

(crash)

(snoring)

(alarm ringing)

D.W.:
Nadine!

Coming, coming!

Being an imaginary friend
isn't easy.

You have to appear
whenever you're summoned.

You always have to be
in a good mood.

Hey, D.W.!

How are you?

Oh, how I've missed you!

Arthur called me a bossy boots!

I'm not bossy, am I?

And you always have
to tell your real friend

just what they
want to hear.

Even if it isn't
"technically true."

What? You?

Bossy?

Pfft!

You're as sweet and gentle
as a little lamb!

I know!

That brother of mine
is a lying meanie.

Thanks, Nadine.

You can go now.

(yawns)

But the hardest part about
being an imaginary friend is

someday your friend
will outgrow you.

(sighs)

(alarm ringing)

D.W.:
Nadine!

(camera shutter clicks)

MUFFY:
Tres chic!

She'll love it.

Now we just need
some matching gloves.

No.

No.

No.

Oh, but these
are perfect for me!

If only we were shopping
for my birthday

and not Francine's.

D.W.:
Here, try these!

They match your fur.

What are they?

Ear muffs.

They keep your ears warm.

A tail muff?

I don't think they sell those,

but we'll ask.

Hi, D.W.

Who are you talking to?

Nadine.

No, Francine's the sporty one.

This is the rich one.

Nadine wants to know if you've
seen a tail muff around here.

Preferably with sparkles.

Uh... sorry.

Oh well, I asked.

No, her dad sells used cars,
not used flying carpets.

I know, that would be
a lot more interesting...

MUFFY:
I swear,

there was no one there.

It's like she was talking
to a ghost!

Did you smell rotten eggs?

If not,
it probably wasn't a ghost.

But it could've been
a very small pixie.

Arthur, has your sister
been feeling okay?

I think so.

She's just as annoying
as usual.

Why?

I saw her yesterday talking
to someone she called "Nadine,"

but there was
no Nadine there.

Oh, that's just her
imaginary friend.

(laughs)

I remember mine:
Squinty Magee.

He used to tell me
the best stories!

And I ate a hole
in her favorite jeans!

(cackling laugh)

They were all about Catherine.

I had five imaginary friends:

Top-eye.

Billy Snailgoat.

Frumpus.

Pudding Pal.

And my favorite: Junior.

(honking noise)

BUSTER:
(sighs wistfully)

Then one day,
they all took a cruise

to the Bermuda Triangle
and vanished.

My bear Stanley
was kind of my imaginary friend.

How 'bout you, Muffy?

Didn't you have one?

Me?

Um... of course!

There was, uh...

Well, tons of them!

I just can't think

of their names right now.

(bell rings)

Why didn't I have imaginary
friends when I was growing up?

Is there something wrong
with my imagination?

Oh no, Miss Muffy.

You come up with the most
imaginative ways to spend money.

That's true.

Plus you did have
an imaginary friend

when you were about three.

Some creature named... Oswald?

Something like that.

Oswald?

I don't remember any Oswald.

(sniffing)

There are probably pictures
of him in the basement.

Let's find them!

If I see what he looks like,
I bet I'll remember him!

What are we waiting for?

It's been ages
since I've been down here.

I forgot how huge it was.

Yes, it took most of my s
to organize.

Now, if memory serves,
I believe those drawings

are in aisle .

Ah, here we are.

Now, somewhere in here are...

(phone ringing)

Yes?

No, the pheasant
is for tomorrow night!

(sighs)

I'll be right there.

I'm needed in the kitchen,
Miss Muffy.

Why don't you look around

and I'll join you
in a few minutes.

Hmm.

Well, I guess I have
to start someplace.

(struggling)

Whoa!

(loud bang)

Woo-hoo!

I'm free!

Oh, thank you, thank you!

Give me a hug!

(sniffing)

Ew!

Get away!

You smell like sardines
and old socks!

Who are you?

Wait, wait, I know this one.

I'm....

Muffy!

No, you're not.

I'm Muffy.

Oh, "Muffy" is taken?

Rats!

I really love that name.

Well, I forgot
my real name,

so what do you want
to call me instead?

Rex? T-Bone?

You're not Oswald,
that's for sure!

I'd never have an imaginary
friend that was so stinky!

Give me a break!

I've been living in a box
for years!

Where are we going?

We're not going anywhere.

I'm looking for drawings
I made of Oswald.

"Oswald, Oswald, Oswald."

That's all you ever talk about.

Look, don't you have something
better to do than follow me?

(loud stomping)

Um, well, I guess
I could go run and hide!

That's a great idea.

So why don't you just...

Wait, hide from what?

You don't want to know!

Come on!

Phew!

What was that?

She's called Pretty Penny.

If anything gets out of its box,

she hunts it down
and stuffs it back in.

I better find those drawings
quickly!

D.W.:
No, no, no!

This is all wrong!

Hey, that's D.W.!

How'd she get down here?

We're supposed
to follow a road!

Not a line on the floor!

Give me that map.

You're useless.

(sighs)

If we only had Brain.

(laughing)

You guys look ridiculous!

Why are you dressed like that?

What's wrong
with the way I'm dressed?

Am I rusty?

(joints squeaking)

Just because we're
not fashion conscious

is no reason
to make fun of us!

I wasn't!

Oh, forget it!

Have you seen
any drawings of Oswald?

He's my imaginary friend.

(friends laughing)

(gasps)

What's so funny?

You?

Friends with the great
and powerful Oswald?

Never in a million years!

Oswald is only friends with kids
who have an imagination.

(gasps)

Which you don't have.

So you might as well
just give up now.

You take that back!

She has a huge imagination!

Bigger than all of yours
put together!

Ah!

It's a tiny
stuffed elephant!

Run away!

Is there anything
you're not afraid of?

Why couldn't
I have gone on a quest

with dwarves and elves?

Come on, let's
find that road

before those flying monkeys
come back.

Thank you for
defending me.

Hey, what are friends for?

So can we have fun now?

We could find a mud puddle
and jump in it!

You can do whatever you like.

I have to find Oswald.

Bor-ing!

(gasps)

Who dares approach Oswald?

You're my imaginary friend?

(evil laughter)

No, I am what
replaced him.

You used to play

with that imaginary nuisance
all the time...

Daddy, look!

He's eating cereal
with his nose!

I can do that, too!

OSWALD:
Then, I arrived

in the form of toys,
games, gadgets.

And I conquered your
imagination.

Now you're a mere thing,
and must be put in a box!

Ah!

Put me down!

Yeah, put her down,
you big, plastic lump!

Help! Help!

Don't worry, Muffy!

I'll find you!

I swear!

I don't want to be in a box!

No, no!

No... no...

(horn honking)

So sorry for the delay.

Oh!

I see you found
the right box.

That's right!

He was an elephant and his name
was "Waldo," not "Oswald."

It was you!

I should've known.

I'm sorry I called you stinky.

(sniffing)

MUFFY:
He was this little pink
elephant,

and we did everything
together.

But I didn't even remember him
until just the other day!

Cool.

So which explorer
do you want to be:

Illinois Jack
or Penny Pith-helmet?

Actually, I kind of feel like
just taking a walk.

Do you mind playing
without me?

(door closes)

Let's build a snow fort!

No, a snow mall!

And we'll ride ice bicycles

to get from one end
to the other!

But first,
I'm giving you a bath.

You may be imaginary,
but you still smell.

Huh? That's cologne!

It's called "Pachyderme."

All the stuffed elephants
are wearing it.

She's talking to no one!

Do you think
she's lost her marbles?

Nah.

She's just catching up
with an old friend.

And now a word from us kids!

My name is Luisa.

My name is Lusmili.

BOTH:
Welcome to our class!

What if we had
an imaginary friend?

We're using our imagination

to take us around the world
and back in time.

We built a time machine.

We are going to travel
back in time...

To various places...

...all over the world.

We're going to Egypt!

Come join us!

In B.C., Alexander the Great
of Greece conquered Egypt.

Egypt!

We're going to France...

Where clowns are called "mimes."

The Eiffel Tower was built
for the World's Fair.

You can use your imagination
to go anywhere you want.

We're going to Rome!

Julius Caesar was honored
after his death.

This is what they used to wear
in Rome.

We're going to South Africa.

One important person
is Nelson Mandela.

He was the president in .

Ha!

We're going to China!

A land of great warriors.

Hi-ya!

China is unique because it has
the Great Wall of China.

The Great Wall of China
keeps China safe!

Where will your imagination
take you?

Hawaii, Hawaii,
Hawaii is my state.

When the volcano erupts,
the island grows bigger.

B-b-b-bigger.

Imagination can take you
anywhere.

And now back to Arthur!

Sometimes I think it would be
really great to be invisible.

Hey, what happened
to all the cookies?

Don't look at me.

Well, they didn't eat
themselves!

FRANCINE:
Mm.

I stand corrected.

FRANCINE:
You could hear what people
were saying about you.

Sometimes Francine
can be really bossy.

You can say that again.

(bell rings)

We're late!

Whoa!

Hey, how did our shoes
get tied together like that?

But it could also be bad.

I know because one time,
my sister pretended

she couldn't see me
for a whole week.

Can I have a turn?

Is it my turn now?

Did you hear something?

No.

You guys, please?

My turn!

Must have been the wind.

It wasn't very nice.

But now's my chance
to get her back.

(evil laughter)

MUFFY:
Your sister likes horses.

Why don't you get her a horse
for her birthday?

Muffy, I can't afford
a horse.

Plus horses
are really hard to wrap.

You could make her
a present.

Just don't make her clothes.

Last year, D.W. made me a hat

out of a swim cap
and some loofahs.

And my mom made me wear it.

Happy birthday, Arthur!

(barking happily)

Hey, Arthur!

(gasps)

My dad needs
his car washed.

Can I use your head?

(laughing)

Aw...

Plus it gave me
this weird rash.

Ew.

Ew!

Well, Catherine
is turning .

Whatever I give her
has to be perfect!

I've been thinking
about this bowling party.

I hope Catherine doesn't mind
losing to me on her birthday.

Franky, your sister and I
had a talk today.

And, well, she's a junior
in high school now...

I know.

"I'm practically an adult."

The thing is,
she wants the party

to be for her
and her friends.

Oh, I can stand them
for one night.

I mean, she wants it to be
only kids her age.

I don't understand.

It's just for older kids.

I don't understand
what you're saying.

You're not invited
to the party.

What?!

Wait, are you saying
I'm not invited to the party?

Now sweetie, you have to try
to be grown up about this.

We'll see about this!

Francine...

If you think you can have
a party without me,

you can eat
a slug sandwich.

Dad, the third grader got loose!

You know what?

Maybe I'll have a party
and only cool people can come.

Sorry!

Ooh, where?

The petting zoo?

Cool!

Dad, Catherine's
being ironic!

I'm trying to study!

OLIVER:
Francine,
leave your sister alone!

(loud slam)

(loud drumming)

Franky, stop.

Now look,
I know this is difficult,

but sometimes your sister needs
to be around kids her own age.

Why is everyone on her side?

Friday is your sister's
special day.

She's turning .

That only happens once.

We all want her to have
the kind of day she wants.

One without me, you mean.

If you ask me,
you're lucky you're not going.

A bowling party?

With pizza?

Ugh!

How boring!

Sounds pretty good to me.

Me too!

I love pizza.

Sh!

Oh, uh, no, I mean,
I used to love pizza,

but it isn't really
that good... anymore?

This has to be the meanest thing
she's ever done.

And she's done a lot,
believe me.

One time, she told me
there was a monster

that lived in the tub.

Francine!

Bath time!

(monster roaring)

No!

What's gotten into her?

Francine is a payaso!

What's a payaso?

(laughing)

Si, si, muy de payaso!

You guys are about as funny
as chicken pox.

Ooh, nice one, payaso!

Or should I say, "clown."

(laughing)

FRANCINE:
One time, she invited me

to play freeze tag
with her friends...

Freeze!

Hello?

Anyone there?

(laughing)

(sighs)

Ooh, that mean.

I have to remember that!

You know what?

You should give her a taste
of her own medicine

so she knows how it feels.

Oh, I know!

First, you get a big piece
of Vieux-Boulogne.

What's that?

The stinkiest cheese
in the entire world!

When she's not looking,
you slip the cheese

in the pocket
of what she'll be wearing.

When she arrives...

(friends groaning)

That smell!

Ugh!

(screaming)

Come back here!

(laughing)

It'll be the worst birthday
ever!

Where on earth would I get
a piece of Vieux-Boulogne?

I have a whole wheel of it
in my room.

A. That's weird.

B. I think she'd notice the
smell coming from her pocket.

Well, I can't think
of everything!

Ooh, I know
what you should do!

It's perfect.

What?

It's so simple.

The night before the party...

(spy music playing)

BINKY:
Then...

Hey everyone, watch this!

Ah!

(friends gasp)

(pins knocking down)

How was the party?

Genius, right?

Not exactly.

How would the glue
stay wet that long?

And how do I know which
bowling ball she'd pick?

(sighs)

I have great ideas, but reality
always gets in the way.

MUFFY:
You know the real reason
she doesn't want you there.

She just wants to be
around boys.

"Oh, Sean!"

"I love you, Sean!"

Oh, wait!

I've got it!

I totally know
what you should do.

What?

Okay, first,

you need a handwriting expert.

Perfect.

Then, tomorrow night...

This one is for my sister,
and the other one is for Sean.

He's the one
who looks like a rodent.

(dance music playing)

"Meet me in back.

Sean."

We have visual.

Good work.

Audio?

Check!

All systems go.

Going live... now!

CATHERINE:
Oh, Sean!

Kiss me!

(gasping)

(laughing)

That's perfect.

Only...

Only?

I don't think there's a hallway
at the bowling alley.

Or security cameras.

Rats!

But maybe
there is a way...

Francine Frensky,
what are you thinking?

Wait and see.

Wait... and... see.

OLIVER:
Go right in, have fun!

Sean, hi!

(cheering)

(dance music playing)

What's he doing now?

Is he looking this way?

(music stops abruptly)

FRANCINE:
Attention, everyone.

May I have your attention,
please?

I hope you're all having
a wonderful time

at my sister's party.

Francine?

Where is she?!

In honor of this big day,

I have something
I'd like to read.

What are you doing?

Get out of there!

I'm sure you'll enjoy hearing
a few meaningful passages

from a very special book.

My diary!

(embarrassed squeal)

Now where to begin?

I can't believe it!

So what happened?

Did people laugh
like crazy?

I'd definitely laugh
like crazy.

Well, it didn't exactly go
the way I planned.

FRANCINE:
I was feeling pretty great
because I remembered

all the pranks
Catherine played on me...

And while I was thinking
about those things,

I sort of remembered
how I felt.

Never mind.

Happy birthday, Catherine.

(cheering)

After all, it was bad enough

she had to have a party
with her friends.

Uh, anything about me
in there?

She even said
we could go bowling together

once I'm done
being grounded.

Which will be around
my th birthday.

I'm proud of you,
Francine Frensky.

You're so much nicer
than me.

I would have totally
read it.

Well...

Wait, you didn't read it,
did you?

No, but...

(dance music playing)

(music stops abruptly)

Catherine loves Sean!

(kissing noises)

(gasps)

(friends laughing)

Come back here!

Ooh!

Francine!

BUSTER:
To watch more Arthur

and play games with all
the Elwood City friends,

visit pbskids.org.

You can find Arthur books
and lots of other books too

at your local library.
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