02x03 - The Last Day of Bunny Folger

[bunniefuu]

So, what do we know about my
daughter's m*rder and the theft?

Why don't you ask these three?
They're the ones that probably did it.

We were framed.

We're persons of interest.
It's very different.

So what we need to do is
break into Bunny's apartment.

We find a clue that isn't us.

Don't you want to
clear your name, too?

- [SQUAWKS]
- Bunny had a bird?

Mrs. Gambolini.

MRS. GAMBOLINI: Stuff it up your ass.

Start scouring! Any paper
you find, put in this bag.

I would just like to assure all of you,

as the new Board President,

I will not let Bunny's demise
adversely affect the building.

I'm in charge now,

and a new era begins.

Don't get me started on Nina.

If you thought Bunny was a bitch,

wait till you get a load of this one.

So I took a closer look at Bunny's will.

There's something she
wanted you to have.

No! Absolutely not.

MRS. GAMBOLINI: Hey!

Hey!

I know who did it!

[CLICKING, BEEP]

OLIVER: The perfect crime?

Oh, so very nearly.

But there's one thing the
k*ller did not anticipate.

A witness.

Who has bravely agreed to an Only
Murders in the Building exclusive.

So, tell our listeners,

who k*lled Bunny Folger?

MRS. GAMBOLINI: f*ck off, Oliver.

No, you f*ck off, Mrs. Gambolini!
You said you know who did it!

- MRS. GAMBOLINI: Who did it? [SQUAWKS]
- It's just perfect

that Bunny had a pet
as obnoxious as she was.

Hey, that's my maybe
half-sister you're talking about.

Yeah, explain that to me one more time.

Well, it's simple.

My dad maybe slept with Bunny's mom,

a-and that potential sex
could have been unprotected,

and that possibly
unprotected potential sex

could have resulted in a half-sister

I never knew until it was too late.

- Are you done? Please say yes.
- Yes.

- Great.
- No.

I kissed Bunny on the lips.

- You did what?
- What?

Yeah. It was at a Christmas
party, and we were saying goodbye,

and we were just gonna kiss each
other on the cheek, but we missed,

and we were on the lips,

and we'd had a few eggnogs,

so we kinda got into it,
and then we just stayed there

and sloshed around a little bit,
and that's not so bad, right?

Can you deal with this, please?

Yeah, sure.

Alright. We have two options here.

I slap you across the face
and say, "Snap out of it!"

Or we just skip to
the part where you say,

"Thanks, kid. That was tough
to hear, but I needed it."

Uh, not the slapping one.

Cool.

- Who did it?!
- MRS. GAMBOLINI: Who did it? [TRILLS]

God, you are the most difficult
animal I have ever directed.

And I did a production of The
Elephant Man with a real elephant.

Oliver, have you tried talking
to her as if you were Bunny?

W-why would I ever...

[QUIET SNORT]

Mrs. Gambolini. It's me, Bunny.

What the f*ck happened to me, huh?

That was a terrible Bunny.
The key to a good Bunny

is raising your voice
without raising your voice.

[WHINY] Mrs. Gambolini,
why the f*ck am I dead?

OLIVER PUTNAM: No, no, that's dreadful.

You're missing the smile that
doesn't reach the dead eyes.

[IMITATING] This won't take long

unless you make it take long.

CHARLES-HADEN SAVAGE:
This won't take long

unless you make it take long.

- Yeah, but we're doing Bunny.
- Oh, geez.

OLIVER: Listen to this.

If you're a m*rder*r, stop murdering!

- CHARLES: Yeah, well...
- Hey!

We need to start making progress here.

Alright. What do we know?

Bunny was k*lled with a knitting needle

and a still-missing Kn*fe.

MABEL MORA: Her last words

were " " and "savage."

She got notes threatening her
to give up her pricey painting

of your dad's jiminy sack or else.

Yeah, and where is the
original... My dad's what?

His jiminy sack?
Did I just make that up?

Hey, look at this. Receipts.

From March th.

The day that Bunny d*ed.

[SQUAWKS]

We saw Bunny that day.

Uh... Okay. Tha-that's very good. Okay.

- [BEEP]
- [CLEARS THROAT]

What would your last
day on Earth be like?

It's a good question.

Will it be like any other,

or will it point to it being your time?

As we recreate Bunny's,

we hope it will take us to clues,

suspects,

and please, dear God,

not the subway. [BEEP]

[SQUAWKING, FLAPPING]

MRS. GAMBOLINI: Wake up. Wake up.

Wake up.

Wake up! Bunny!

- Wake up!
- [GROANS] Mm, shut up,

or I'll come over there
and hit your snooze button.

[SQUAWKS]

[SIGHS]

[TRILLS]

[GRUNTS, SIGHS]

I can't believe this is my last day.

[SQUAWKING, FLAPPING]

[SIGHS]

As Board President. [SQUAWKS]

[LIVELY THEME SONG PLAYING]

That assh*le's getting rid
of all the gifted

and talented programs in our
schools. He wants our kids stupid.

Also, he works out at the YMCA.

In Park Slope, Brooklyn.

I just don't understand what's
going on in the city anymore.

There's a Starbucks on every corner.

You can't even get a
decent bagel anywhere.

All the bridges keep changing names.

It is not the same New York City
I grew up in, that's for sure.

[KETTLE WHISTLING, ECHOING]

♪

[SIGHS]

- _
- Ah, that.

[GROANS, SCOFFS]

Same circus, different clowns.

MRS. GAMBOLINI: Fire Dolan.

You said it.

"Twenty-nine years as Board President.

"I inherited the
position from my mother.

"You know, she warned
me that part of the job

"would be dealing with pests.

What she didn't say was
the tenants were the pests."

Pause for laugh. "Of
course, I'm kidding."

"Serving you...

has been one of the
great honors of my..."

[CHIRPS]

[SIGHS]

[SNIFFS] I'm not gonna let
those f*ckers see me cry.

I guess quiet time is over.

♪ I'm-a gonna... ♪

♪ Live till I die ♪

♪ I'm gonna laugh 'stead of cry ♪

♪ I'm gonna take the town
and turn it upside down ♪

♪ I'm gonna live, live,
live till I die ♪

Good morning, Bunny!

You watch the game last night?

Yeah. Why do you think
I'm in a bad mood?

Ooh.

We should catch a game someday,
now with all your free time.

Yeah. That'd be great, Tommy.

- See you later.
- [LAUGHS] Okay, Bunny.

♪ I'll take a chance, riding high ♪

♪ Before my number's up,
I'm gonna fill my cup ♪

♪ I'm gonna live, live,
live, live, live ♪

Lin-sanity!

♪ Until I die... ♪

Oh, what a lovely mess to come home to!

[GROANS]

Don't worry, Lester. I've got it.

You're as useless as tits on a nun.

[MOUTH FULL] Sorry. I'm eatin' cake.

And I'm still president of this
place for another few hours.

There's still time to
replace you, you know?

Yeah, yeah, I know.

Tell Lorraine I hope her knee is better.

Mm-hmm. Will do.

Before I forget, elevator
inspection invoice.

- Oh. [SIGHS]
- You know,

this place is gonna
fall apart without you.

You're going to say the same
thing when Nina's in charge.

Ah! I'd never!

So, what are you gonna do
with all your free time?

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I've been looking at a spot in Boca.

Turns out, there are
places on the planet

without winter.

[DISTANT LAUGHTER, CHATTER]

What's going on over there?

We reach the basement, and I
immediately identify the problem.

I said, "Mabel! The ductwork
around the down-flow furnace"

"has been tampered with. Quick!

Flip the damper and detach that hose!"

Huh? I just remember you
saying "thing" a lot. Like,

"Put the thing on the thing!" And
then, "The thing and the thing!"

[LAUGHTER] SAM: Oh! And Charles,

how was it doing battle
with your girlfriend?

Oh, well, to be honest, there
wasn't so much thinking...

That was probably the poison.

As doing. With a g*n pointed
at me, I commandeered a vehicle.

- A dog stroller.
- I drove it into Jan. She fired!

Bang! The b*llet hit me! [GASPS]

- No.
- Hit near me. And then I dodged.

And then I knocked
the g*n from her grasp!

And then Mabel came in and
punched Jan in the face.

[LAUGHTER, CHATTER]

I mean, I did lay her out.

[LAUGHTER]

FEMALE TENANT: Oh, hey, Bunny.

Ah! Bun-Bun! We saved you some cake.

Rule . .

No gatherings of more than

in a communal area

without the approval of the board.

May we have your approval?

No. Is that an open flame?

SAM: Oh, come on. I mean,

it's the almost one-week anniversary
of them saving the building.

You should be thanking them.

And I'll thank you to stay outta this!

Oh! [LAUGHS] I just got Bunny'd!

[LAUGHTER]

You know, for a while, I thought
you were the k*ller

because Tim was behind
on his building fees,

and I distrust women
in positions of power.

- God no, Marv.
- No, Marv, no. Shh.

Do you have a permit to sell those?

Uh... I do not.

Commercial sales are
prohibited from the Arconia

without a board-issued permit.

Noncompliance will result
in a public flogging

and a fine of $ .

The rule was written in .

We should update that.

I don't know. I like the floggings.

Nina, walk with me.

They're gonna be your problem tomorrow.

Don't worry. I'll keep giving them hell.

I'll take a mug.

- Well, these are for...
- Outside the elevator bank?

I saw the ones there are dead.

[BOTH QUIETLY LAUGH]

[BUNNY SNIFFS]

Sounds like there
might be snow next week.

I'll remind Lester to
put out mats by the door.

Hm...

The bulb in the fountain...
Needs to be replaced.

I'll tell Mr. Torres.

You focus on enjoying yourself.

You've earned it. [LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]

[INHALES]

Acupressure. Midwife says
pushing here helps induce labor.

I'll try anything at this point.

You sure you're gonna be
able to handle this place?

Absolutely.

I'm gonna pop this baby out and strap it

right to my chest
without breaking stride.

Come on. Eject.

Oh. One last lesson for the road.

Be careful with Mark.

He's a compulsive liar.

He'll talk about touring in Iraq,

but it was just with his
band. They're not bad.

And Sonia...

will sometimes mention her husband,

and sometimes a boyfriend.

She wants you to ask.

Don't.

You know everything about everyone.

That's the job.

[NINA SIGHS]

Rotates the fetus.
Stimulates contractions.

- [SIGHS]
- Don't have it here.

But if your water does break...

Mop is in the window closet,
second door from the stairs. I know.

[LAUGHS]

Alright.

Now let's get these to their
new home where they belong.

♪

Aren't you coming?

No. I've got my things to do.

I'll see you at the board meeting.

Mm-hmm.

Florida?

Really? You?

Why not me?

Why can't I try life as a snowbird?

I have a cousin in Tallahassee.

And?

Eh, he sweats a lot.

He's got a fungus in his
armpits he can't get rid of.

Is that your cute way of
saying you don't want me to go?

No, go. You know I have a key.

Maybe I'll go into your
place and wear all your stuff.

- f*ck you.
- f*ck you.

Okay. I'm this way.

[RINGTONE CHIMING]

Hello?

Oh, it's you.

No, I do not wanna
talk about the painting.

Stop calling!

[SIGHS]

♪

CHARLES: On its surface, it was
a day like any other for Bunny,

filled with routines and
reading the Riot Act.

But where within those
rituals were the signals

that the day was anything but typical?

Welcome, Bunny. How are you today?

Ah, same old.

- As in I'm the...
- BOTH: Same.

Old.

[LAUGHS]

I'll just have the usual.

Coming right up.

Oh, uh, is your friend
from yesterday joining you?

My friend?

Another waiter took my shift yesterday

and said you were... with someone.

Oh, no. Not coming. And not my friend.

[CUTLERY CLINKING]

[DOOR BELL RINGS]

[LAUGHTER]

WILL PUTNAM: Seriously,
Dad, it's not a big deal.

What are you talking about?
It's a huge deal.

- My own son directing?
- WILL: Yeah,

a play at my kid's school.

Well, we have to start somewhere.
Can I tell you something?

You are going to be a natural
because it's in your blood, buddy.

- Food.
- Oh, thank you.

- Bunny!
- What?!

- You remember my son, Will.
- BUNNY: Of course.

He broke a window when he was .

You still haven't paid for it.

You moving to Florida?

Yeah, I would love to
live somewhere warm.

Oh no, no, no.

Bunny and I, we're lifers.

She's probably gonna be
buried in the Arconia.

And on hot days, the whole
building will be able to smell you.

[LAUGHS] Anyway,

I-I-I should be going. I'm celebrating
with Charles and Mabel.

You know, since we
solved the Tim Kono case.

[LAUGHS] Bye-bye now.

How the f*ck does she know
about that broken window?

'Cause she's an actual
witch, that's why.

[DOOR OPENS, BELL RINGS]

- Here we go.
- Thank you, Ivan.

[SIGHS] That's for the food.

And then...

I went over %.

Oh, Bunny... [SIGHS]

Th-that's too much this time.

No one else who needs it.

Come on, take it.

Get yourself that DJ
equipment you wanted.

Okay.

- Thank you.
- And make me a promise.

Don't let yourself only love one thing.

Because if you only love one thing,

and then one thing goes away, well...

[SIGHS]

then you're left with nothing.

And that sucks.

A-are you asking for more iced tea?

Finally, he hears me.

♪

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

[CART RATTLING]

- [SIGHS]
- [PRESSES BUTTON]

So good. Hold it!

You wanna go to my place and
get those, uh, glasses now?

- Oh, perfect. Mm-mmm!
- Yeah.

You know, champagne
is not really champagne

unless it's from the region of
Champagne. Where is that from?

The Key Foods on st Street.

Ah. Lovely vineyard.

[CHARLES LAUGHS]

Hey, Bunny.

All that looks good.

Oh. Board meeting snacks.

[RATTLING, CLANG, ELEVATOR STOPS]

[DEEP SIGH]

- [QUIETLY] Deep breaths.
- Take it easy.

[CLEARS THROAT] It's okay.
The firefighters are coming.

I'm warm. Is anyone else getting warm?

The fans stopped.

[CLICKING]

A slight breeze. I feel a slight breeze.

That means oxygen is flowing.

[GASPING] Come on... Okay...

Bunny, you're a badass.

[SIGHS] And I thought I
was a cranky old bitch.

Yeah, I knew I'd regret that.

- [LAUGHS]
- [CLICKING]

[RATTLING, WHIRRING, ELEVATOR MOVING]

[SIGHS]

[KEYS JANGLING]

Well, thank God. What
would we do without you?

[DING, DOORS OPEN]

[SIGHS]

You know what I just realized?

I f*cking hate the heat.

ALL: Surprise!

[LAUGHTER]

I did the decorations! Do you like them?

Don't worry.

- _
- You get a hat, too. [LAUGHTER]

♪

Oh... [LAUGHTER]

Yeah. I told them it was too much.

Hello.

Hello, Howard.

Come on, say it.

Bunny seemed upset
that we moved the cage,

but Mrs. Gambolini needed
to be at the party, right?

You're a very lonely
man, aren't you, Howard?

Excuse me.

So, Amy Schumer started
renovating the penthouse

without all the necessary permits.

Thoughts?

Ooh, I love her. She's so dirty.

HOWARD: I heard it was very Z Gallerie

circa ' in Sting's place,
so anything's better than that.

Are we really doing business?
It's your last day, Bunny.

We also need to sort
out the Kono apartment.

And now, Jan Bellows', too.

Bunny. I'm already drunk.

- [PEN CLICKS]
- I'm ready to take the minutes.

Bunny, I'll handle all
this at the next meeting.

But we can do it now.

It's your last day...

Stop saying that!

[CRUNCHING]

What's wrong?

I, uh...

I... I've changed my mind.

I'm not stepping down. Sorry.

Well, great. What
about all my decorations?

So, Amy Schumer's renovation...

Bunny. We had a plan.

Today's your last day.
This was your decision.

You said...

Howard, what did she say?

At November's meeting, you,
wearing a fuchsia number, said...

Don't quote me from the minutes.

Howard.

[GASPS]

"I can't do this forever.

"We should pick a new Board
President. And I think Nina Lin

is the person best equipped
to carry on my legacy."

And I still think that.

But not yet.

We rushed this.

There's more I can still teach you.

Let's not pretend this is about me.

This is about you holding the
Arconia hostage until you're dead.

The Arconia still needs me.

No, you still need it.

But we can't afford to wait.

The Arconia needs to be
brought into the st century.

What does that mean?

Made more efficient.

Modernized. Monetized.

The building needs to be preserved.

Nina, we talked about this.

Or were you just saying
what I wanted to hear?

All the dinners, the long conversations,

our weekly walks?

They were bullshit?

It's time to step aside.

[SCOFFS]

You ungrateful bitch.

You ungrateful,

power hungry,

baby bumpy bitch!

Alright, fine.

I didn't want to do this
in front of everyone.

- Oh, you don't have to...
- No, no, no, please don't...

The only reason you're Board President

is because your mom was Board President.

Yet you can't fathom the idea

of someone else being
able to do what you do.

You are so selfish and self-important

and stuck in the past.

You're a relic, Bunny!

And I can't allow this
building to become one, too.

You have no idea

what this job takes.

The pressures I endure

on a daily basis.

I'm not gonna let you
get away with this.

I'm not going to let you stop me.

[HOWARD WRITING]

Our last piece of evidence.

- Howard's minutes.
- CHARLES: Okay.

Who do we think k*lled Bunny?

MABEL: Well, we know that she
threatened to paddle our superfans,

who I love. They're just a little off.

Ooh, you never want to upset a fan base.

She also threatened to fire Lester,

but he thinks that was just a joke.

Ooh. A little Upstairs,
Downstairs. It's a possibility.

You said you saw her at the Pickle
Diner with a brochure of Florida.

Was she going on the run? Was
she meeting a lover in Florida?

What? We missed the lover angle
in season one. I'm reaching.

And lastly, she went back on her word

and wouldn't give the
board presidency to Nina.

That feels like a biggie. We
need to find out more about Nina.

So...

that gives us a new prime suspect.

Ooh. Did the pregnant protégé
make a pernicious power play?

[BEEP] Wow, I am on fire! [LAUGHS]

You know, I really think that
I've leveled up since Tim's m*rder.

[TRILLING]

[SIGHS]

What?

Nothing to say to me?

You think I'm some stubborn relic, too?

[ECHOING LAUGHTER, BANJO MUSIC]

[CHARLES, MABEL, OLIVER
TALKING, LAUGHING]

[KNOCKING]

Oh, sh*t. Are we being too loud?

No. Not too loud.

- Mabel, who is... Oh, Bunny.
- [STOPS MUSIC]

- Charles. Oliver.
- Oh. Hi.

Um, if you're celebrating,

you should have proper
champagne. [LAUGHS]

Something nicer than
your bottom-shelf blend.

Thank you so much!

Well, you saved the Arconia. [LAUGHS]

Maybe through sheer dumb luck,
but the result was the same.

I, um,

don't think I've said it yet, so...

thank you.

Aw, Bunny, you're too kind.

Oh, and w-we have a
gift for you, too. Um...

There you are.

Your very own merch.

- [SCOFFS]
- Try it on.

This is the last thing
I want from you assholes.

- Ah, come on!
- Try it on.

[SIGHS]

Oh, alright, alright.

[ALL LAUGH]

- Ooh...
- Wow.

Already lookin' foxy. [LAUGHS]

- CHARLES: Ooh.
- MABEL: Wow, Bunny!

Yeah. You know, it's
actually quite fetching.

Hm?

I was at Woodstock, you know.

- [LAUGHTER]
- Oh, groovy.

Well, thank you for the bubbly.

And you get home safe now, you hear?

- Bye-bye.
- Okay. Bye.

[DOOR CREAKS]

Wait.

Do you think...

Did she want to join?

No.

And we don't want that, right?

[WHISPERS] Oh God. Guys,
she's still out there.

OLIVER: What?

Oh...

[WHISPERS] What do we
do now? This is so awkward.

And more than a little creepy.

[CRYING]

[CRYING CONTINUES]

[SOBS]

Oh my God, she's crying.

Okay, seriously, what is
going on with this woman?

[INTENSE SOBBING]

Wow.

[WAILING]

Did not peg Bunny for a wailer.

We have to invite her in, right?

No, no, we can't now.
It's so out of pity.

We have to.

MABEL: Hey, Bunny?

[SIGHS]

OLIVER: Hm...

So, I guess everything's okay then?

What if she comes back, though?

Maybe we move this party
somewhere more private?

- To the roof.
- To the roof.

- [CLINKING]
- [LAUGHS]

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

CHARLES: We at Only Murders

did not k*ll Bunny Folger.

But there's a chance we
could have saved her life

with a simple act of kindness.

[BUZZING]

[DING, DOORS OPEN]

♪

[ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE]

And one more toast to Mabel. [LAUGHTER]

OLIVER: To Mabel Mora. [LAUGHING]

- Ah!
- Oh, sorry.

CHARLES: If Bunny acted like
she knew better than you,

it's probably because she did.

[SIGHS]

[ON TV] Just got off the phone
with Jimmy down at the docks.

- I know who did it.
- I know who did it.

MRS. GAMBOLINI: I know who did it.

CHARLES: She was a New York classic.

A treasure trove of stories,

secrets, and forgotten wisdom.

Does anyone else feel like there's
still a couple of loose ends?

- [DISTANT SIREN]
- Loose ends?

Hm, I don't know.
Maybe it's just a feeling.

- [KNOCKING]
- [TV CHATTER]

Bunny always put the Arconia first.

Too late! I don't wanna hang out!

DETECTIVE: I want you to
call your sister Gladys.

CHARLES: And that didn't
always make her popular...

[KNOCKING]

even among the people she cared for.

OLIVER: We've run out of champagne.

Mm. I will get some from my apartment.

- Ah.
- Thank you, ma'am!

Yep.

What the f*ck do you want?

No! Let go of me!

Let go of me! What are you doing?!

Help me!

[MRS. GAMBOLINI SCREECHING]