01x04 - Dogs

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Bear". Aired: June 23, 2022 - present.*
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A young chef from the fine dining world returns to Chicago to run his family's sandwich.
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01x04 - Dogs

Post by bunniefuu »

(DRUMMING)



Oh ♪

Oh oh oh oh oh ♪

Oh oh oh ♪

Oh oh oh oh oh ♪

Oh oh oh ♪

Oh oh oh oh oh ♪

Oh oh oh ♪

Oh oh oh oh oh ♪

Saw the wandering eye ♪

Inside my heart ♪

Shout some battle cry ♪

From every part ♪

I can see those tears ♪

Every one is true ♪

When they don't appear ♪

I go right ♪

Through ♪

Ooh ♪

- Why are you doing that?

- What?

Why are you trying to put a

T-shirt on a f*ckin' hot dog?

Kids love hot dogs, dumbass.

I know. That's why we're making

'em f*ckin' hot dogs, dumbass.

Yeah, exactly, Cousin. It's a tie-in.

This sh*t is exposure, baby.

I don't need you exposing anything.

(LAUGHS)

It's a f*ckin' hot dog

in a Beef T-shirt.

- That sh*t is hilarious.

- Go grab me some propane.

You know what, first of all,

I didn't wanna be doing

this bullshit right now.

Aight, you know what? Then

don't borrow money from Cicero

you can't pay back, and

then we don't have to cater

little f*ckin' kid's birthday parties.

- How about that?

- I didn't borrow sh*t, Cousin!

You know what? It doesn't

even matter. It's on me now.

I don't wanna get my legs

broken, so shut the f*ck up

- and help me out, please.

- If that m*therf*cker

gets even close to us,

I'm gonna f*cking drop his ass.

Okay, look, just help me out.

Let's do this right.

- Get it over with.

- Look, second of all, you have no idea

the amount of

administrative correspondence

I'm supposed to be doing

in there today, okay?

It is f*cking bonkers.

- Correspondence? Is that right?

- Yeah. You know,

you like to sh*t on my system,

but I run a tight ship,

and I get back to my cohorts

and my associates in a timely fashion.

Aight, do me a favor.

Just n-name a cohort.

Name

N-name an associate. Just

one f*cking person. I dare you.

Timothy, but I-I'm not

I'm not f*cking

Gimme a hand.

It's not gonna fit. That's

not gonna fit, Cousin.

- Yes, it will!

- It's not gonna fit!

- Can you just help me out?

- It's not gonna fit!

It's not gonna f*cking fit!

Come on!

You want some of this

sh*t? You want some of this?

CARMY: f*cking guy!

(RICHIE LAUGHING)

Yeah! Yeah! You f*cking baby!

You f*cking baby! f*cking baby!

TINA: Morning.

- Ah! f*ck!

- (POP, HISSING)

Look what you did. f*cking baby.

Alright, I'm gonna get

the spare from the basement.

EBRAHEIM: Hey, Marcus,

enjoying the counter space?

MARCUS: Yeah, I mean, not

having to do bread anymore

is the sh*t.

SYDNEY: Chefs, new prep

list is up! Please check it out!

Thank you.

Chef, can you do me

a favor and try this?

Yeah, sure.

- Whoa.

- Good whoa?

Great whoa.

- It's good.

- Thank you, Chef.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hey. Uh,

did you remember the mashed

potatoes? Just wanted to check in.

(IMITATING) Uh, did you

remember when I said to f*ck off?

Okay. "f*ck off" isn't yes.

(NORMAL): Well, "f*ck off"

means I know how to do it.

Alright, well, it's a new recipe

- What I just say?

- Okay, well,

just make sure when you do it,

the heat isn't too high

I answer to Jeff. The system.

Listen, I'm I'm not

trying to be a tight-ass.

I don't want you to think I'm, like,

- up in your space.

- No

I'm just doing what I was asked to do.

And I get what it's like to be

- a woman in the kitchen

- Do you know what it's like

to be a woman in the kitchen? Wow.

That's amazing. Listen. I have been

in this kitchen since

before you were born,

so you just back the f*ck off.

Excuse me!

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

(RICHIE LAUGHS)

Yo! Yo!

Oh my god. Cousin,

you gotta see this sh*t.

Yo, this dude is trying

to f*ck up this little nerd,

and the f*cking nerd

just washes him, bro!

Yo, why the f*ck are you on the Kennedy?

Chill the f*ck out.

Cicero lives in Naperville.

No! (SCOFFS) f*cking

Cicero's in Wilmette now.

- You gotta get on the f*cking Edens

- sh*t. No, no,

th-that's right.

That's right. That's my bad.

It's all good though. I'm in no

hurry to see that m*therf*cker.

I swear to God, Cousin, if he

calls me "Rick," I'ma f*cking lose it.

Cousin, listen, do me a favor, okay?

I'm trying to get us

out of this hole, alright?

I want today to go smooth.

Please do not bring that sh*t up.

Chill. I'm not gonna

bring up sh*t, alright?

- No, you got it all wrong!

- It's literally the easiest

f*cking job a person can do!

I'm the only one

who stands up to your ass

The phone rings, there's a problem

It wasn't my phone!

You call an electrician

or a plumber, that's it!

I've been saying this sh*t for f*cking

years! It wasn't my f*ckin' phone!

"Oh, Cicero! I'm your guy!

I got a kid now, Cicero.

I need a f*cking real job."

You think I don't know how

to pick up a g*dd*mn phone?

"Oh, Cicero, can I have

tickets to The Lion King?"

pick up a f*cking g*dd*mn

phone and we don't even know

how she fell down those stairs.

You want us to get

this stuff out back or

how do you, uh

Yeah, take it around the side

for me, will you?

- Around the side, sure.

- Yeah, thanks, Rick.

I f*cking hate when you

call me f*cking Rick!

I f*cking hate it when

you don't answer your phone!

Food's here, kiddies!

That was nice. Thank

you for that. That was good.

(CHILDREN PLAYING)

Carmen? Is that you?

Hey, Mr. Szorski. How are you?

I thought you'd k*lled yourself.

No. Sir, that was my brother.

RICHIE: Bullshit.

That m*therf*cker is

complete f*cking bullshit.

Hey,

perfect timing. I already

did everything, d*ck.

Who does he think he is?

You know he's not even Italian, right?

100% Polish. f*cking insulting.

You know you're not even Italian, right?

Yeah. I'm more Italian than that guy is.

Turn on the grill.

I gotta get the dogs going.

Just give me a second here.

Richie, what the f*ck is that?

Relax. sh*t's regulated.

I suffer from anxiety and dread.

- CARMY: Who doesn't?

- You want half?

No.

Which, uh, box you put the ketchup in?

- Hm?

- The ketchup. Which box?

I didn't bring ketchup.

Why don't you bring ketchup?

What kind of assh*le is gonna put

ketchup on a hot dog?

A child, Richie.

RICHIE: Child assh*le.

You're a child assh*le.

Yo, yo, Cousin, what's up

with all this gay-ass fruit?

Homemade Ecto-Cooler, m*therf*cker.

Oh sh*t.

That's actually pretty f*cking dope.

(SNIFFS)

Rest in peace, Harold.

(SNIFFS)

One bite of a donut brings much joy.

Two bites brings sadness.

(LAUGHS)

I mean, nobody doesn't love

that first bite of a donut.

It used to be my favorite

when I was a kid.

- Sweet tooth?

- Yeah, but not even the taste.

I just loved looking at them.

The colors and the textures.

There was this one donut

that I used to love

that I could never get out of my head.

Jelly filled, bright purple,

sweet and tangy.

Yeah. Family was always happy

whenever we got donuts.

- Hard not to be, young man.

- (LAUGHS) Yeah, yeah.

- My guys!

- Wow. Chester, yes.

- Wow. Thank you.

- Yeah.

- MARCUS: Love you.

- CHESTER: Of course, bro.

- MARCUS: Love you, dog.

- Yes! Ebra.

- EBRAHEIM: Chester.

- TINA: Hi, honey.

What up, T? What you got over there?

-TINA: Mashed potatoes.

-CHESTER: Woo-hoo! Wish I had that.

Oh, uh, new edition.

All the fresh colors.

I put a flag on 18-32-24.

It's this radiant orchid

that's fly as f*ck!

Hey, thank you so much.

I'ma get this back to you.

Behind! What is good with the beef?

Oh, yes, Chef.

- Taking it out now.

- Thank you.

- Sup Hey.

- Hey.

- Who are you? Sorry.

- Oh, sorry.

Chester, this is Chef Sydney.

Uh, Sydney, this is

my roommate, Chester.

SYDNEY: Hi,

- Chester roommate.

- Hey, Chef Sydney.

Cool. Uh, why are you here? Sorry.

Oh, getting my boy dialed.

Dropping off some

inspirational materials.

- MARCUS: He's a designer.

- Oh!

- What do you design?

- All of it.

I'm out. I'll see you at home, my G.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank

you. I'll get it back to you.

Of course.

- Great to meet you, Chef Sydney.

- You, too.

- MARCUS: Good luck with the meeting.

- Oh, thanks.

Yeah, I'm meeting a brand ambassador,

so I can't be smelling like

f*cking hot giardiniera.

Alright, I'm out.

Huh. Pantone colors?

MARCUS: Yeah, I was thinking

maybe I could do

a classic donut for The Beef?

On top of my other stuff, of course.

- Yeah.

- But, I mean, I think it could be hot.

Yeah. I mean, donuts

are deceptively hard,

but You know, require

a lot of equipment, too.

I don't know if this is the most

stocked place in the world.

I want it to be perfect. Like that plum.

- The one Carmy was telling us about.

- Mm. Michelin mode.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

It-it could be, like,

limited edition or something.

If you're into it, then I'm into it.

Let me know what you

need for help, alright?

- Alright. Gladly. Thank you, Chef.

- Alright.

- Good luck.

- Alright.

SYDNEY: Hey, all good?

- All good, Chef.

- All good, Chef.

Cool. Uh, Sweeps is rocking family.

Angel, how you feel about salad?

- ANGEL: Absolutely, Chef.

- Gorgeous. Thank you.

- You think I can get family today?

- You know you don't work here.

- Hey, Chef. How's it going?

- Good, Chef.

- Try the new chocolate cake?

- Oh, yes.

And

You've given Marcus a lot of confidence.

Well done.

(SIGHS)

Well since she put me down ♪

I've been out doin' in my head ♪

I come in late at night ♪

And in the mornin' I just lay in bed ♪



Well, Rhonda, you look so fine ♪

And I know it wouldn't

take much time ♪

For you to help me, Rhonda ♪

Help me get her out of my heart ♪



FAK: So, you didn't

make any of these ones,

- or these the ones you made?

- No, no, I haven't made any yet.

I'm just trying to do

some research, you know.

Feel out the textures,

see what it's really about.

Oh, that's nice. Did you

- talk about feel?

- Yeah.

Yeah, see, this one

is good. It's like

- FAK: That one's good?

- Yeah, I think so.

Oh, that's nice.

- What do you hear?

- It-it sounds, like, you know

when you go to your grandma's house,

and she has the cushion

on the top of the toilet seat?

Yeah.

- You sit on it.

- Oh yeah. It's like slight deflating

A-and it is smells like potpourri,

- but it's also smells like Grandma.

- Yeah.

(PARTY CHATTER)

("HELP ME RHONDA" BY

THE BEACH BOYS ON RADIO)

Hey! What's up, jagoff?

Hey! Ho! What's going

on, Frank? Good to see you.

New York, that's right. Hi. Hiya. Hi.

Oh, I haven't seen that one.

GUEST: Mr. New York!

Okay, good-bye.

- Good seeing you.

- Sorry about Mike.

Oh, thank you. No. No, no

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Can you not see this? This is bullshit!

I can't hear you when you're screaming.

They're opening all my presents!

Holy sh*t. You guys are so weird!

What are you doing opening up

other people's stuff for?

Carol, can you please help me?

It really f*cking sucks in here!

FRANK: Hey, hey, hey! I got one!

- I got one question!

- Yeah?

So, you work in a restaurant, right?

CARMY: I work in a

restaurant. That's right.

What's it like to be

a f*cking loser? Huh?

(LAUGHTER, CHATTER)

PETE: Hey, hey, guys! Guys! Hey!

Carmy here was the chef

of the best restaurant in the world.

Okay? That's not an exaggeration.

It was literally the best

restaurant in the world.

I mean, at least according to Eater.



Help me, Rhonda,

help, help me, Rhonda ♪

Help me, Rhonda,

help, help me, Rhonda ♪

Help me, Rhonda ♪

(PARTY CHATTER)

Didn't come out to talk to you, alright?

I don't wanna bicker. I just need quiet.

I don't got anything to say to you.

- (SIGHS)

- Except

- heads up, you know, Pete's here.

- Oh, I'm aware.

Sugar better watch his ass.

- Sugar's stuck at work.

- (SCOFFS)

Fucker drops off a gift,

and now he won't leave.

Oh my god. Yeesh.

"Yeesh" is right.

He always looks like he's

about to call the cops on us,

you know what I mean?

- Like a narc.

- Exactly.

Like a f*ckin' narc.

(SNIFFS)

- Heya, Phil!

- Hey, Jimmy.

- Richard.

- Hey, what's up, Phil.

Well, that was f*cking weird.

(RICHIE GRUMBLES)

What, you f*ck up one

of his properties, too?

Actually, no. Because

you know what, Jimmy?

- I don't f*ck up properties.

- Oh.

Sometimes, people think

they're calling me to fix a toilet,

but in reality,

they've called somebody else.

All you had to do was pick up

the f*cking phone, man.

- I never got a f*cking call!

- Oh, yeah? Really?

- (SCOFFS)

- f*ck this.

- (LAUGHS)

- Alright. So here's what she said.

"Couldn't turn off the sink.

"There's water leaking everywhere.

"I couldn't find anyone.

- That's friggin' malarkey, man.

- "I repeatedly called Rick

at 847-555-0186."

- Number sound familiar, Ricky?

- Yeah

because that's Michael's number.

Nobody looks at f*cking

digits anymore. I'm 312, dog.

CICERO: (SIGHS) That kid, man.

That kid.

- (SHUTS OVEN)

- (SIGHS, GROANS)

Ah

- SYDNEY: Hey, Chef?

- TINA: What?

Will you please use a salt bed

next time like I asked?

(GRUMBLES) Why you

always, like, watching me?

'Cause it's just sort

of my job. Also, um,

maybe we don't use, like,

gross kitchen towels.

- Judgmental.

- We could just use a Kn*fe.

- I don't think it's judgment.

- Uptight

I think it's just like

health and safety generally.

- (TINA GRUMBLES)

- Um, cool, so

- Okay, I got it.

- I'm just trying to help.


Yeah, thanks. I got it.

- Got it! Got it.

- Thank you, Chef.

Both of these f*ckin' ninnyboys,

they, like, they

called ambulances, right?

They're both in ambulances on

the way to Resurrection Hospital.

And then one of

the medical professionals

whose time you're wasting say to you?

He goes, "What in the hell

did you do that for?"

(LAUGHTER)

Like, what the f*ck? You

think that their sh*t wasn't spicy?

Like, why would they

lie about that? You know?

(LAUGHTER)

- What's up, dudes?

- Yo.

RICHIE: What's up, man.

(LAUGHTER STOPS)

PETE: You guys just

laughing it up over here?

Nope.

- Hey, what's in the cooler?

- Made, uh, Ecto-Cooler.

- No way! Like Ghostbusters?

- CARMY: Yeah.

(IMITATES PROTON PACK, LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS) Oh, looks

like it needs a refill.

Yeah, yeah. I'm on it.

Damn, man.

Fun birthday party, huh?

Whoa, no way! This is,

like, identical, dude!

- CARMY: Good, good. Thank you.

- (LAUGHS)

Busting makes me feel good! ♪

(LAUGHS, SNIFFS) From the song.

- No, I I remember.

- Yeah. (SNIFFS, LAUGHS)

What is it, like, nap time or something?

Huh?

- That's weird.

- Huh.

- Richie, how you been, man?

- RICHIE: I got to, uh

- You know.

- PETE: Cool, cool, cool, cool.

(LAUGHS)

Wow, man. This is so good, dude.

- Good. Good. Thanks, man.

- You k*lled it. (LAUGHS)

Hey, I know that, you know,

sometimes things are weird

or whatever with

Oh, we don't We

don't have to do that.

Yeah.

But I'm, you know,

I-I'm a bit of a foodie.

- Jesus Christ, Pete.

- What?

Alright, I know that's

not cool or whatever,

but, uh, you know, I did

just I wanna say that

I followed everything you were

up to out there, man, and, uh

just, uh,

I know how much courage

that took for you, so

And, uh

just was pumped for you, you know?

I bet probably a lot of people

don't realize, like,

how much work that must have

took and dedication or whatever,

and so just

I thought it was cool, man.

And your sister frickin'

was really pumped for you.

Really, really pumped. Yeah.

But she also, you know,

really missed you a lot, too.

- Thank you. Thank you, Pete.

- Yeah, man.

(YAWNS) Freaking tired all of a sudden.

So, uh, she's not really

busy at work, huh?

Oh, no, she's, uh, pissed at you.

Yeah, I owe her a call.

Or, you know, like, 50 calls. (LAUGHS)

You know, I don't wanna get

in the middle of anything

or whatever, but, uh

I mean, it was hard

for her, too, you know?

Look, I, uh, I gotta keep

jamming here, alright?

PETE: Yeah, no, totally. I'm

gonna I'm gonna head in,

but, uh, I'll catch you

before you cruise?

- Yes. Yeah.

- Yeah. Cool, cool.

(LAUGHS)

This freaking guy. (LAUGHS) Hilarious.

(SIGHS) f*cking sh*t

Oh, F

f*ck. F

f*ck. sh*t.

- I got a little more, uh, ketchup here.

- Thanks.

Um

What?

Don't k*ll me

Oh, I can't wait for this.

We, uh

we spilled a bottle

of Xanax in the cooler.

What, are they f*ckin' dead?

No, no, no. I think they're, um,

they're just sleeping?

Huh.

Actually, I'm kinda into it.

- Yeah?

- Oh yeah.

Keep up the good

work. You're k*lling it!

Alright.

SYDNEY: Okay, Chefs,

let's get ready to taste the potatoes!

(RATTLING, BANGING)

(QUIETLY) f*ck

Oh, come on. Come on, come on, come

Behind!

ANGEL: Whoa. Come on!

Sorry. Sorry, sorry.

- ANGEL: It's cool.

- Oh, f*ck! Come on, Tina!

(QUIETLY) f*ck

Why did you do this?

Because I don't have time

to f*ck around.

You're welcome, Chef.

Damn.

CICERO: Coffee?

No. No, I'm good.

Hey, when is that from?

CICERO: Repeat party, Grant Park, '92.

You ever miss him?

I didn't really know him

well enough to miss him.

You?

Sometimes.

You know, we were so close

in age, more like

more like a friend than

family. You know, we were

the same kind of problems

around the same time. We

had a lot to talk about.

Sounds nice.

It was.

When was the last time

you talked to him?

Uh

Around 20 years ago.

We had a gnarly fight, man.

- What was it about?

- Million things.

You know, dr*gs, alcohol, gambling,

mostly because he just insisted

on doing stupid

f*ckin' sh*t all the time.

(SIGHS)

You know he had a new career,

like, every 10 minutes?

Wanted to be a broker,

and then he wanted to be

a defensive coordinator.

- I'm dead serious.

- (LAUGHS)

And then,

some assh*le invested in Ed Debevic's,

and, you know, suddenly,

he's a restaurateur.

- Sounds about right.

- Yeah.

Really stuck your poor ma

with that place. Man.

I mean, don't you find it impossible

being in there 24 hours a day?

I-I'm in there for five minutes,

I start thinking about bad sh*t.

Ah, that's probably

why I like it so much.

Yep. Probably why you wanna fix it, too.

CARMY: Probably.

Just, you know

Just don't be too disappointed if it

doesn't necessarily happen. Alright?

You know I'm not gonna

sell it to you, right?

I know that.

Had a dream about him once, your dad.

We were up in, um

like Lake Geneva

or someplace, and we-we're going along.

We're driving along

in this car, big SUV.

He's in the passenger seat,

and we're driving fast,

like, really fast.

And I can't get control.

You know, it's like bumpy cars

flying all over the place.

He wouldn't put on his seatbelt.

Suddenly, this little kid

a little boy, he walks right

out in the middle of the road.

I jam on the brakes really hard.

Car stops like a millimeter

away from him.

But, your dad,

he goes flying through the windshield,

but he never lands.

He keeps on flying. (SIGHS)

What happened to the kid?

I stood there waving at him.

(SIGHS)

Well, on a, uh, on a

sunnier note, you have, um

you have knocked 2K

off your tab. Congrats.

(LAUGHS)

Nice seg.

I'm the Seg King.

- So, what do we owe you now? 298,000?

- 298,050.

- What's that 50 about?

- Shipping and handling.

- (QUIETLY) f*cking assh*le.

- (CICERO LAUGHS)

Come on.

(TAPPING, DROPS SPOON)

SYDNEY: Chef, how

close are the potatoes?

TINA: (SIGHS) One minute!

(SIZZLING)

- Go ahead. Get it over with.

- Get what over with?

Taste it and tell me it's shitty.

- It's great. Thanks, Chef.

- What?

It's great. Thank you, Chef.

Now, uh, let's hurry up and

roll before we get rolled, yeah?



I've been alone too long ♪

Somebody without someone ♪

Is no one at all ♪

(CAPS POT)

Thank you, Jeff. Chef.

I've struggled and fought my pride ♪

Scared that someone ♪

Your type ♪

Couldn't see past my flaws ♪

Ooh ♪

'Cause I've heard that Heaven ♪

Ain't easy to get to ♪

Alright. Let's get the hell out of here.

I didn't even get

a chance to eat anything.

- Me neither. f*cking starving.

- Hey! Nice work today, fellas.

- Seriously.

- It was good to see you, Uncle J.

Love you, Bear. Love you.

(SCOFFS)

- Later, Richard.

- Alright. Until next time, James.

Hey, uh, you guys wanna

see something disgusting?

I don't understand it.

It's so mysterious to me.

He's sitting there,

just sleeping like a baby.

I wanna b*at the living

f*cking crap out of him.

Yeah. Exactly.

- You know?

- Exactly.

("CHECK IT OUT" BY D)

Thank you for letting me

be a part of this family.

(SNORES)

I'll never forget this memory.

Man, shut the f*ck up, f*cking nerd.

- (GRUNTS)

- Sleep there.

- Are we almost back?

- Yeah.

(RICHIE SNIFFS)

Sorry, Pete.

A million young poets ♪

Screaming out their words ♪

To a world full of people ♪

Just living to be heard ♪

Future generations ♪

Riding on the highways that we built ♪

I hope they have

a better understanding ♪

Check it out,

going to work on Monday ♪

Check it out, got yourself a family ♪

MARCUS: Yo, yo! Got some family dessert.

Oh! Alright, alright.

Talking about the girls

we've seen on the sly ♪

Just to tell our souls

we're still the young lions ♪

We all get cake

'cause we're best friends.

- Thank you.

- MARCUS: Okay.

CARMY: Hey.

Chef.

Soaring with the eagles

all week long ♪

And this is all that we've

learned about living ♪

This is all that we've

learned about living ♪

A million young poets

screaming out their words ♪

To a world full of people

just living to be heard ♪

Future generations riding

on the highways that we built ♪

I hope they have

a better understanding ♪
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