02x15 - Groomer Has It

[bunniefuu]

-Previously on "Side Hustle"...

-The Professional Federation of Thumb Wrestling

is having a tournament.

Do you know what the prize is for winning?

A boat!

-We wouldn't have to do any
more jobs to pay him back.

-I've always wanted a dune buggy

to patrol the crosswalks all around Altoonisburg.

This is amazing!

-Now that you've won me a
new boat, you kids are free!

All: Yes!

-To mark this marvelous day,
I've prepared some fireworks!

[fireworks whistling]

[fireworks explode, all scream]

-You're gonna buy me a new one.

From now on, you three work for Jaget.

I can't believe you rotten kids blew up

my beautiful dune buggy.

It was like the brother I never had.

-Ouch.

-That's right ouch.

And there'll be plenty more ouchies to come,

because you kids will be
doing KidDINGs for me now

until I can buy a new dune buggy.

-But we just paid back Dad.

Now we got to make payments to you?

-That's right.

-I guess we're gonna have to keep doing jobs.

-That's right, too.

And if you miss a payment,

you're gonna be cleaning my crosswalk.

And pigeons love to make a mess there.

[upbeat music]

-So, as you can see from this chart,

we know owe Jaget % of his dune buggy.

-We got to find another job.

Jaget is already hounding
us for the first payment,

and I am not scraping up pigeon mess.

-It's poop, Lex. Just say it.

-I am not going to scrape it,
and I am not going to say it.

[cell phone chimes]

-Yes! The sweet sound of KidDING.

Hey, where's my phone?

-I took it so I know when jobs came in.

And I just heard a "ha-hing!"

-The job is from that dog salon Groomer Has It.

-Ooh, not gonna be able to do that.

We'll let you know when the next job comes in.

-I don't know what kind of sick system

you had with my daddy,

but now that I'm in charge, you take every job.

-Okay, here's the thing.

There is this person who works at Groomer Has It,

and it'll be really awkward
for me to be around him.

-Does Luke, the guy you
have a crush on, know him?

'Cause Luke works there, too.

-Munchy, she's talking about Luke.

Lex and Luke went out to a dance,

and they haven't been out since.

-Oh, well, that changes everything!

Forget about paying me back
for my exploded dune buggy.

I didn't realize the boy Lex
was sweet on worked there.

-That's actually really
cool of you to let her off--

-I was being sarcastic!

-Fine, we'll take the job.

-I know. I already told you that.

And remember,

just when you think I'm not looking,

that's when I'm looking hardest.

Looking!

Looking!

Looking...

[door closes]

-Don't worry, Lex.

We'll make sure it's not
weird between you and Luke.

-Yeah, we won't bring up

how you never went out again after the dance

or all the texts he didn't return

or how you friended his grandmother

to try and learn more about him.

-Thank you for not bringing any of that up.

-You just need to relax around Luke

and make sure you don't Lex-out.

-Um, excuse me. What?

-Well, you know, when you get overly worried

and start stressing out?

Munchy and I came up with a name for it:

Lexing-out.

-And we agreed not to say it in front of her,

but you totally Presley'd that.

-Okay, look, the thing is Luke is super chill.

He's all, like...

[imitating Luke] "'Sup?

I'm Luke."

-[imitating Luke] "I am Luke also.

My feet are too chill for shoes."

-"Check out my cool hair."

-Okay, he does sound like that.

But it is way cuter when he does it.

-[normal voice] What we're trying to say is,

Luke is chill,

so you need to try to be chill, too, Lex.

-Well, I totally can! Watch.

-[relaxed voice] Yo.

Hope you're wearing mittens, because I am...

super chill.

-That was terrible!

Always looking.

♪ ♪

-♪ And that's how Alan makes sloppy joes ♪

Hi. I'm Alan, and that's how I make sloppy joes.

-Uh, what's going on?

-I'm making an audition tape
to be on our favorite TV show.

-"Shrimp Boat Truckers"?

-No!

"The Real HouseDads of Altoonisburg."

-We love that show!

But no one on there sings or cooks.

If you want them to pick you to be on that show,

you got to do what they do--

You know, talk trash and throw drinks,

challenge other dads to arm-wrestle.

-Fish, you know I'm not good at arm wrestling.

I got noodle arms.

-I know.

But I'm gonna help you make a new audition tape.

-You'd do that, son?

-Yeah, I've got an experiment
where I'm growing mold,

and it's taking forever.

So this will be a fun, stupid distraction.

-I'm a great fun, stupid distraction.

♪ ♪

-This place is amazing.

Look, a doggy food dispenser.

I got to get one of these for human food.

I could eat it like this...

[imitating dog scarfing]

-Hey, where is Lex?

-Oh, she's still "chill-walking,"

so it's taking forever.

-[relaxed voice] Yo.

[normal voice] What? Luke's not here?

That was like my chillest entrance ever.

-Hey, what's up guys?

-Luke! Hey!

I mean... [relaxed voice] Yo, bro.

-I'm so glad you guys are here.

Lex, how you been?
-Chill. Chill like a ghost.

-Wait, are ghosts chill?

-The ones who haunt fridges are.

-[clears throat] So why'd you hire us?

-This week is the tenth
annual Altoonisburg Dog Show--

Or in dog years, the th.

-[laughing]

That's funny. [laughing]

-People who are chill do
not laugh like The Joker.

-This is our busiest week of the year.

My boss and the rest of
the staff are at the show,

so I need you guys to help me.

-He's doing the thing!

-I know! That reinforces our impression!

[whispering] Sorry.
-Anyway, you were saying?

-One customer rented this
entire place for her dogs,

but she's the most demanding
person I've ever met.

-Who could possibly be that demanding?

-I have arriven.

-Sophia Fugazi?

You're the one who rented out the entire salon?

-I rented out the entire block,

so no one would look me or my dogs in the eye.

Yet even as I say that out loud,

you continue to look me in the eyes.

-Sorry, I just get nervous
around famous fashion bloggers.

-This is the year my precious pooches,

Suede and Cashmere, finally
win the Altoonisburg Dog Show.

-Well, we're happy to help.

-Of course you are. I'm Sophia Fugazi.

My dogs must be pristine by showtime.

Here is a list of doggy dos and don'ts.

-"Cashmere is on an
all-raw, locally sourced diet.

Suede only eats kosher hot dogs."

-"If Cashmere or Suede try to bite, let them.

It's just their way of
saying they don't like you."

-Well, there's a lot to do,

but we'll take care of it for you.

-You better.

Because if everything on that list is not done

by the time I return, I'm
going to have you fired.

Well, I'm late for the human groomer.

[smooches] Farewell.

-[relaxed voice] Whoa, that lady was, like,

totally unchill, am I right?

[normal voice] Oh!

Did you want that on the ground?

-♪ I got, you got me ♪

♪ We got this ♪

♪ I like the odds when we're side by side ♪

♪ I like the sound of that ♪

♪ Oh, we're taking off, gonna do this right ♪

♪ I like the sound of that ♪

♪ And when things go up in flames, we're on it ♪

♪ 'Cause I got you, got me, we got this ♪

-Okay, I just flossed Suede's teeth.

I love dogs, and I love dental hygiene,

but I do not love dog dental hygiene.

-You know what you need? A kosher hot dog.

-Focus. Everything needs to go perfect.

Luke's job is on the line.

-Someone's Lexing-out.

-Yeah, relax.

Remember, Luke is chill.

So, if you want to start
hanging out with him again,

you got to be chill, too.
-[sighs]

-And, Munchy, I'll take one of those hot dogs.

Easy on the mustard.
-You got it,

'cause I don't have any mustard.

-Okay, I gave Cashmere her bath.

We still have a lot to do,

and Sophia Fugazi will be back in an hour.

-[relaxed voice] Bro, you need to chill.

We'll get it all done

or not.

Whatever's chiller.

-Okay, but we still need to
give them deep-tissue massages,

give Suede a bubble bath, glue
on Cashmere's fake eyelashes...

-Why don't Munchy and I take Suede into the back

and give her a bath?

That way, you guys can work on Cashmere out here,

just the two of you.

-But I'm still cooking hot dogs.

-Munchy!

-You know what? They're perfect.

Have fun.

-[sighs] So what do you like to do for fun?

-Uh, not get fired.

-Cool.

♪ ♪

-All right, Dad, don't forget.

If you want to be picked

for "Real HouseDads of Altoonisburg,"

you got to have a little edge.

And action!

-What up?

I'm Alan, but my friends call me Animal.

And if you're looking for a bad dad,

then look no further.

And by "bad dad," I mean bad-cool.

[laughing] I'm actually a really good dad.

My kids are my whole world.

-Stick to the script, or
I'm going back to my mold.

Remember, this is reality TV.

You're not Alan. You're Animal.

-I'm Animal.

I'm Animal!

I'm Animal!

-Yeah, good!

Now--now challenge me to arm-wrestle.

-You want to go, bro?

-That was amazing.

Way better than mold.

-That's what I was going for!
[laughs]

[knocking on door]

-Ahoy!

Hey, Alan, did I mention I have a new boat?

Because I do!

I'm a boat guy again.

What are you wearing?

-He's auditioning

to be on "Real HouseDads of Altoonisburg."

-I love that show.

Did you see the last episode

when Joe didn't return Michael's socket wrench?

-Oh, I saw it.

Then I rewound it, and I saw it again!

[laughs]
-Hey, can I be in your video?

Maybe they'll put me and
my boat on the show, too.

-As Scott said to Wes in
the season seven finale--

Say it with me, son--

Both: Hecks to the yeah!

♪ ♪

-Okay, let's get some shampoo in this tub.

-So many to choose from. Which one do we pick?

-Well, when I can't decide
on an ice cream flavor,

I just combine a bunch.

So maybe we should just
combine a bunch of shampoos.

-Presley, I am so glad you're here.

So how much should we put in?

-Well, we really want to impress Sophia Fugazi.

So we should use a lot.

-[sighs]
-All right.

Let's get the water going.
-Okay.

-Ooh, bubbles! We're good at this.

-Suede, this is gonna be
the best bath of your life.

-[whimpers]

-All right, that should be good.

Turn off the water.

[water pressure roars]

I said turn off the water!

-I thought you said turn up the water!

Oh, no!
-You broke it!

-There's bubbles everywhere! What do we do?

-The only thing we can do.

Punch the bubbles!
-Okay.

♪ ♪

-We got a lot of great sh*ts on Tedward's boat,

but now we got to bring this home.

Remember, you were two
friends who opened a tanning salon

that went out of business,

and your friendship never recovered.

And...

action!

-Listen, pal,

you borrowed my Weedwacker a month ago

and still haven't returned it!

How's a HouseDad supposed to whack weeds?

-Listen, Animal,

I don't have time for your drama!

-Do you have time for this?

-No, but I have time for this.

-You want to go, bro?

-Go?

I'm already there, I've been seated,

and I'm eatin' appetizers.

-Let's settle this "Real HouseDads" style.

[both grunting]

-And... cut!

[both sigh]

-Thanks for going easy on my noodle arm.

-[sighs] You bet.

So? How did we look?

-It was like I was watching the show.

[both laugh]

♪ ♪

-[relaxed voice] Check it out. Made a bongo drum.

-Why would you do that?
-So I could do this...

Drums just really help me chill out and think.

Like, what's it all about?

-What's what all about?

-That's exactly what I'm talking about, baby.

-Okay.

I want to know why you're acting so strange.

-I am not acting strange.

I'm acting chill.

-But you're Lex. You're not chill.

-[normal voice] Okay, I know.

But since we never hung out after the dance...

I figured you weren't into me.

So I guess I tried to be someone else

that you might like more.

-Lex, I like you just the way you are.

One of my favorite things about you

is that you get worried about little things

and Lex-out sometimes.

-Wait, does everyone say that?

-Yeah, it's a thing.

-Okay, well, if you do like me,

then why I haven't heard
from you since the dance?

-I've just been so busy

working as many shifts here as possible.

See, I want to be a veterinarian,

but school's gonna be expensive.

So I'm starting to save up now.

But I should've called and told you.

-Yeah, you should've.

-You're right. I messed up, and I'm sorry.

But that's why I KidDING'd you to work here.

You know, I figured if I'm gonna be at work,

I might as well be working with you.

-Okay, I know that we're running out of time

to get these dogs ready,
but you just earned a hug.

Now let's get these dogs ready.
-Yes. That's the Lex I like.

-Okay, we have minutes
until Sophia Fugazi gets here.

-Where do we start?

-Um, we can start with--why are there bubbles

coming out of that door?
-What?

-How did this happen?

-I don't know, but we're goin' in.

-What the heck is going on in here?

-What are you talking about?
-Everything is going great.

-You know we can see the bubbles.

-I told you they'd notice.

-This is a disaster.

-Sophia Fugazi is gonna
be back soon for her dogs,

and I don't even see her dog.

Where's Suede?
-Don't worry. I got her.

Uh-oh.

-Relax, she's right here.

That is a towel.

-What did you do?

-Well, you know when I'm eating ice cream

and I can't just choose one flavor?

-Oh, no, you combined a
bunch of different shampoos,

didn't you?

-Yes.

-And you were too busy being chill to stop us.

-Yeah. Nice job, Lex.

-Okay, there's a drain here somewhere.

Let's find it and the dog.

[all inhale deeply]

-Come here, Suede.

-Here, Suede.
-Come here, Suede!

-Here, girl.
-[spitting]

Presley!

-Yes, Lex?

-Is this one of the shampoo bottles you used?

-We used them all, so the
answer is in the question.

-That isn't shampoo. It's dog dye.

-It kills dogs?

-Why would they make a product like that?

-And why do you have it?

-No, dog dye doesn't k*ll dogs.

It dyes them a different color.

Both: Oh...

-Well. That explains this.

[all gasp]

-Well, I'm fired.

-I'm not gonna let that happen.

Listen up--we have a pink
dog, a room full of bubbles,

and Sophia Fugazi arriving in minutes.

Can we all agree it's time for me to Lex-out?

-Yes.
-Please.

-Hurry.
-Why is it taking so long?

-Okay, you find the drain,
get these bubbles out of here.

You, go get more dog dye.

You, make a hot dog.

Lexing-out uses up a lot of energy.

You, oh, keep being adorable.

We got a dog show to win.

♪ ♪

-Do you want to go, bro?

-You guys did a great job.

I uploaded the video a few hours ago.

So hopefully we'll hear back from the show soon.

-I can't wait to be

on " The Real HouseDads
of Altoonisburg" with you.

-R.H.D.O.A. for life.

[phone chimes] [laughs]

-I just got a text from the show.

-Ooh, when do we report to set?

-Uh, I'm a principal during the week,

but I could blow off my job if I need to.

-Guys, they rejected the audition.

-'Cause they want to give us our own show?

-No. Apparently they're sick of all the drama.

Now they just want nice dads,

the kind of dads who sing
while they cook or work with kids.

-I can't believe this.

-Who would watch a show like that?

-I guess we're just not meant to be on TV.

-Sorry, Dad.

But it does say they're looking for people

for the new season of "Shrimp Boat Truckers."

-I've got a boat.

-I've got popcorn shrimp.
-I've got a camera.

-Should we do this?

All: Hecks to the yeah!

-[laughs] Let's roll!

♪ ♪

-Oh, man, I hope this works.

-Luke, be chill.

-Chill like a ghost?

-You are lucky that you have cool hair.

-I have re-arriven.

-Welcome back, Sophia Fugazi.

We've been waiting.

-Now I am the one waiting... for my dogs.

Where are they?

-I think a better question is, "what are they?"

-♪ Nailed that ♪
-♪ Thank you ♪

-Ta-da!

[dogs bark]

-What have you done to my babies?

-Well, we added a touch of whimsy.

They're not just dogs.

They're cotton-candy canines.

-How could you...

know that I would love this?

You've turned them into delicious doggies.

This is just what we need
to stand out at the dog show.

Wait till Ali Janata and
her golden doodles see this.

Come, my children.

We have a dog show to win.

I believe I paid extra

to have people wave and cheer as I exit.

All: [unenthusiastically] Yay.

-I can't believe we pulled that off.

-Yeah, well, we didn't have
any time to un-pink Suede,

so the only thing to do was to double down

and make Cashmere blue.

-Lexing-out saved the day.

I'm so glad I hired you.
-Me too.

Hey, you gonna text me this time?

-Don't worry. I will.

-You better text, buddy,

because we'll be looking.

-And, remember,

just when you think we're not looking,

that's when we're looking the hardest.

-Looking.

-Looking.

Both: Looking.

-Guess they'll be looking.

♪ ♪

-♪ You were the greatest ♪

♪ The greatest, the greatest dune buggy ♪

♪ Of all time ♪

-Hey, bro. Got your payment.

[cash register bell dings on cell phones]

-Only a Jag-jillion more,
and you got this thing paid off.

Where do you think you're going?

-Home. We're tired.

-I'm tired of not having a dune buggy.

Luckily, I have another job lined up for you.

You're gonna be at the dog
show picking up after dogs.

-[groans]

-There's some real big dogs...

so you gonna be busy.

But first, pay your respects.

All: ♪ You were the greatest ♪

♪ The greatest, the greatest dune buggy ♪

♪ Of all time ♪