02x07 - Don’t Try This at Home

[bunniefuu]

[SHEILA] Very still now.

That's it. You can get through this.
Imagine them naked.

That's exactly what
they're doing to you.

How can a mother and a wife...

Not to mention
a representative of this company.

How does a woman with
your responsibilities possibly justify

engaging in that sort of behavior?

[SIGHS]

Are you expecting an answer to that or…

Who do you think saw fit
to send us this tape?

[SHEILA] I did, moron.

U-Uh, I... I have no idea. I...

Is this a habit of yours, Miss Rubin?

An activity you engage
in with regularity?

Um, you mean…

[SHEILA] Just say it. They all do it.

- Masturbating?
- Public masturbating!

Needless to say, this complicates
your relationship with the company.

It destroys it. Doesn't she
know this is a family company?

- This is a family company.
- [MOUTHING WORDS] Yes.

[GRUNNER] And she was aware of
the morality clause in her contract?

I can't say for certain that...

There is a morality clause
in your contract.

[SHEILA]
Remember you had no idea. Sell it.

[GRUNNER] Which, given
the nature of your behavior,

the very public nature of your behavior,
gives us the right

to terminate our agreement with you
effective immediately.

[SHEILA] Dad's funeral.
No, no. Maya's funeral. That's it.

Squeeze out a tear.

Well, I'm very sorry… [BREATHES SHAKILY]
…that I've let you all down.

[SNIFFLING] And I'll be doing a lot of

soul-searching over the next few months.

We're very sorry to see you go.

You had such growth potential.

Oh, and we don't want this here.

[SIGHS]

[SHEILA] And the Oscar goes to me
for that performance.

You did it! You're free.
Now, let's get out of this morgue.

But first…

[LINE RINGING]

- [GRETA] Hello?
- Hi. Hi, it's me. It's Sheila.

Hi! Hi!

- It's her! Hey.
- Great.

I'm sorry I've been out of touch. I...

No, stop. Please don't be. I'm sorry.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Can I take you to lunch?

I got a lot of changes I'd love to
discuss with you. Ki's, one o'clock?

Yeah, of course. Ciao.

[MOUTHING WORDS] Ciao?

So?

[BREATHES SHAKILY]
She wants to go to lunch.

That's great, babe!

She's gonna break up with me
in a public place so I can't cry.

[BREATHING SHAKILY]
And I'm gonna pick up the check.

We made it weird!

Friends don't plunge their sex parts
into each other, Ernie!

Friends give each other space to...
To be themselves.

Sheila barely gives herself space.

You have to face it. We made it weird.

[RELATIVE] We are praying for you, dear.

Whatever happens to Maria
and that little angel, God is with them.

[ZEKE] Thank you, Aunt Lillian.

Um, hey, Dad, uh,
I think it's time for the blessing.

- Um, are you gonna say it?
- I would prefer not to.

Okay. Um…

[SIGHS]

Let us pray.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Dear Heavenly Father,
we would like to thank thee

- for the food that has been provided…
- [WHISPERING] Don't punish them.

…and for the hands
that have prepared that food.

- Don't punish them. Don't punish them.
- [ZEKE] We ask thee to bless it.

[REPEATING]
Don't punish them. I caused this.

[ZEKE] May it nourish
and strengthen our bodies.

[REPEATING]
I caused this. Don't punish them.

[ZEKE]
In Jesus Christ's name, we pray. Amen.

[NORMAL]
I caused this. Don't punish them.

[GULPS] Amen.

[GUESTS] Amen.

[SIGHS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

- [DANNY] Hey.
- Oh, hey.

- Hey.
- [SHEILA] What's going on?

Could you come sit down? Please?

- I'm kind of in a hurry.
- It'll just be a second.

[SHEILA] Oh, no. What the hell is this?

[DANNY] Please.

[SIGHS]

I'm not saying anything…

but there is a place

where you can go and, um…

they have programs.

Three days. More.

And you can talk to people

about these issues…

[SIGHS] …to get some help.

But I'm not saying anything,
and I'm the one walking out for once.

[SHEILA] You know what this is.
You know what he's trying to do.

He's trying to stop you from moving up,

from moving on, from moving at all.

He wants you to give up, and give in,
and get fat and lazy.

[DINER MOANS]

- [DINER MOANS]
- [SIGHS]

[GRETA] So, what did
you wanna talk about?

Right. Uh, well,

there's been a few changes since, uh,
we've last seen each other.

Big changes. Not just with Danny.

And you know how greatly I value you
as a friend.

So I-I-I don't say this lightly,

but to evolve, we
have to face discomfort.

[SHEILA CHUCKLES]

Would you wanna go
into business with me?

I know it would change
things between us,

and there's always risks bringing money
into personal relationships.

But I bought out my contract
at Stahl/Grunner,

and there's only one investor that

I'd really wanna build my business with.

Of course, you don't have to
give me an answer right now.

And if you decide it's not for you,
then I understand that as well.

No, wait. You wanna be...
You wanna be partners with m-me?

Like a... Like a team?

Yes. I mean, yes!

[CHUCKLES] I don't know what to say.
I mean, I want to. I really do.

- [CHUCKLES]
- I just... I have one condition.

Okay. Yeah?

Everything's on the table?

Not sex! I... Not
sex. I didn't... That's

not what I mean. I don't mean that.

What I... I mean is, no more secrets?

What secrets?

Those ones. The ones behind your smile.

Because I think that whatever they are,

that's what's holding you back
from really flying.

I mean, like, so high. So...

Hi, excuse me. Sorry.

Can I just get another Arnold Palmer?
Just whenever you get a chance.

- [SERVER] Of course.
- Thank you.

Sorry. I couldn't get that guy's

attention for the life of me. [CHUCKLES]

No more secrets. You have my word.

- [SCREAMS] We're gonna be partners!
- [SCREAMS]

[CHUCKLING] I mean, we are, like,
legally bound partners.

I'm gonna have Ernie's guy
draw up a contract,

and we can talk specific numbers.

- Oh, my God, I feel so official.
- Yes. Yes. We are official.

- We're official.
- We are official.

[SQUEALS] Okay, so, what's
our first official move? [CHUCKLES]

What are we gonna sell
besides the workout?

Workout equipment.
Is that still on the table?

What about clothing? Shoes?
Oh, I love those high-top sneakers.

[SIGHS]

And you're sure?

In medicine,
there's no being absolutely sure.

Okay, but…

But the procedure went about
as well as it could.

The baby's lung function is very good.

I'm as sure as I can be
that you're out of the woods.

You should all be going home soon.
Where you belong.

- [MARIA] Thank you, Doctor.
- [BREEM] Thank you.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you.

[INHALES DEEPLY, SIGHS]

- [SOBBING]
- [MARIA SIGHS]

I'd like to call her Grace.

- That's beautiful. Yes.
- [CHUCKLES]

- Let's call her that.
- [SNIFFLES]

What you've been through…

It's okay, sweetheart.

You've been through so much too,
but we're through it.

[CHUCKLES]
Oh, God. We're through it. [SIGHS]

I'm terrible.

- I'm a terrible man.
- Oh, stop it. You are not. [CHUCKLES]

God is punishing you for
all the terrible things that I've done.

God isn't punishing me, John.

Yes, he is. He is.

[SCOFFS] What's gotten into you?

I promised him if he made this stop,

I would never do any of those terrible
things again, and I won't.

I won't do any of it. Ever again.

Well, that's good. Okay?
That's... That's enough now. [CHUCKLES]

I've been unfaithful.

[SOBBING] I've been unfaithful
more times than I can even count.

That's not true.

I've been unfaithful times.

[STAMMERS] Nineteen different women?

Just... No, just one woman.

Do you, um... Do you love her?

What? No.

I hate her! She's as terrible as me!

I have to tell you everything.

I have to confess my sins. All the
many ways I've disobeyed our God.

[SOBBING] I measured my penis…

- [SIGHS]
- …with Timothy's school ruler.

There were no other rulers in the house.

When I was a kid,
I would get in the shower,

and I would put my finger in my rear end
just to see what it felt like.

- [BREEM SOBBING]
- [SIGHS]

I've tasted alcohol. It's fine.

More and more, I'm not sure
I wanna be in the church anymore.

Stop it! Stop it!

You must get yourself together
this instant.

[BREEM SOBS]

It's fine, okay? It's fine.
It's all... It's all fine.

But I never, and I mean never,
want to see you act like this again.

Stand up.

- Stand up!
- [BREATHING HEAVILY]

You are the man of our house.
Not whoever this is.

You pull yourself together,
and you act like it.

[MOUTHING WORDS] Okay.

[SHEILA] Where to, boss?
What's next? What's the plan?

What do you wanna sell?
Have you figured out anything?

You set yourself free, but for what?
To go where?

You don't have a plan.
That whiteboard full of pipe dreams?

Who the f*ck do you think you are?

You better figure it out before
Danny ships you off to the funny farm.

["IT'S MY LIFE" PLAYING]

Babe, are you okay?

Should you be doing this? Is this

healthy? I mean,
you're still recovering.

How do you not f*cking get it?
This gets me healthy!

You always think you know,
but you never see. This saved me.

Not you, not college, not sex, not Maya,
not another f*cking baby.

[PANTS] This.

So get with the program,
or just get out of the f*cking way.

Four, five, six. Five, six, seven.

To the left. Two, three, four.

Knee. Knee. Back to the right.
Two, three, four.

Knee. Knee. To the
left. Two, three, four.

Knee. Knee up, two, three, four.
Knee. Knee.

Now kick for eight.
Give it up for seven.

Not tired for six. Break free for five.

Unleash for four. And three, two, one.

Now squats, squats, squats, squats.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

- [ERNIE HUFFS, WHEEZING]
- [BREATHING HEAVILY]

- [CHUCKLES] Where did that come from?
- Mmm.

Uh, I guess I just finally feel ready.

Yeah, everything was so murky before,

and now I'm stepping into a position
where I can kick some ass.

- I finally feel ready.
- [CHUCKLES]

- [GRETA] Mmm.
- [BOTH SIGH]

Sheila's so lucky.

What a gift that she gets
to partner with someone

who makes everyone around them better.

It's not a gift, Ern.
It's an investment.

- Oh.
- [CHUCKLES]

Next year, I'm gonna buy us
a vacation home in Acapulco.

And I didn't make it weird.

- Well…
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

- [DANNY] Oh. That felt… [SIGHS] …good.
- [SHEILA GRUNTS]

- [CHUCKLING]
- Really good.

I, uh... I didn't quite get it before,
but that wakes you right up.

- [GRUNTS] Right?
- [SIGHS]

[GROANS] When it's
needed, it's just... it's needed.

- [DANNY] Hmm.
- [BOTH CHUCKLING]

[INHALES DEEPLY]
You've been seeing someone.

What? No, I...

I miss a lot of things. Too many things.

Been so myopic, but
I do see you, Sheila.

And those phone calls. That
wasn't the cable company, that time.

No. No, it wasn't.

[SIGHS]

I mean, I've had my share of, uh...

[CHUCKLES] Well, I can't really
be a hypocrite right now, can I?

But I do think if it's gonna continue,

we should have a talk
about what that means.

It's not.

It's over.

All right.

I do love you.

You know that I love you.

I love all of you.
I'm bad at it, but I do.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm so proud of you.
I mean, you really have something here.

Also, you look f*cking
bonkers in spandex…

- [LAUGHING]
- …if I can say that.

I just want you to be okay.

I'm having a hard time
figuring out what's next for me.

Well, maybe I can help. Like I used to.

Oh, please,
can't I just enjoy getting stoned?

Yes, we are. I'm just, you know...

Let's... Let's do this. Let's get up.
Let's move around.

Let's feel the blood flowing
and just let the ideas go.

Don't even think about it.
What do you love about aerobics?

- Okay, I...
- You're already thinking too much.

- No, I think... Well, um…
- Come on.

Okay. Well, you know when you

don't know that anything's wrong

because you're so used
to everything feeling so bad

that you've kind of forgotten
what it feels like to feel good anymore?

So when I found aerobics, it was like...
I was like, "Ah!"

All the colors came rushing back,

and I could feel everything again

instead of everything just feeling me.

You know, like… [SIGHS] Just...
Does that... Does that make any sense?

That makes a lot of sense.
You felt... You felt control…

Yeah.

- …strong, capable, like you.
- Yes. Yes, yeah, yeah!

- Like myself. Like myself.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Like how I wanna feel.
Like what I wanna be.

- I don't think it's Body By Sheila.
- No.

- No. I think that's too limiting.
- Yeah, yeah.

Because we're talking about
the whole self.

- Yes! Yes.
- It's not just the body.

No, and that's what I want
everyone to discover too.

- "Discover." That's a great word. Yes.
- Yes. Okay, yes.

- [DANNY] Discover. Discover…
- Yes! Yes.

Discover themselves.

No, but Rediscover Yourself.

[BOTH] Yes!

Rediscover Yourself with Sheila.

- Yes! Yes!
- [DANNY LAUGHING]

- Mmm. Oh, my God. Mmm.
- Yes. Yes.

- Yes. "Rediscover," yes!
- Okay. Okay.

- I gotta write this down.
- Yes. Okay.

- [DANNY] All right, so...
- Rediscover Yourself with Sheila.

- So, what are some of the tools, right?
- [SHEILA] Yes.

'Cause it can't just be the tape.

It's gotta be more than that. So what...

- A journal.
- A journal. That's good. Okay.

You can track how
you feel when you start…

- "Track."
- …and you track as you progress.

Tracking with...
Get on track with the tracker, hey?

- Tracker! You have a tracker.
- Yeah.

If you're tracking how you feel,
you won't forget.

If you don't forget, you'll remember.

Then, you'll...

[BOTH] Rediscover yourself with Sheila.

- [DANNY] Oh, my God.
- Yes!

- [DANNY] Yes.
- Yes. Yes.

- [SIGHS] Wow. Oh, wow.
- Yes. Yes. Mmm.

I'm glad you're not under the thumb
of Stahl/Grunner anymore.

That's such a huge deal.
You shouldn't be under their thumb.

[SHEILA] No thumbs!

You shouldn't be under anybody's thumb.

Like a cat. [MEOWS]

- [LAUGHING]
- [MEOWING]

Whose thumb does Cat Girl live under?

- That's impossible. Yeah.
- [MEOWING]

[CHUCKLES] Here she goes.

Oh, she's getting into the couch.

Uh-oh, no pillows. No pillows.

[CHUCKLES] No, get these outta here.

- [MEOWS]
- [BOTH LAUGHING]

[DANNY] All right.

- [SIGHS]
- [MEOWS]

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

- Can I tell you something?
- Mmm.

I think it's great
that you're not under this contract now,

but I don't think
you should jump right in with Greta.

This is your thing.

You're creating it, and I think
you should just take what's yours.

[SIGHS]

- Okay, yeah. I mean...
- It's you.

Sure, but how?

Ho... How?

Maya. Her college fund.

- We can't do that.
- Why not?

- Because...
- It's an investment.

It's an investment in yourself.
It's an investment in you.

And you are a sure thing.

Oh, baby…

[SHEILA] Greta!

Howdy, partner.

- [CHUCKLES] Hi.
- Hey.

Thanks for meeting me here.

Oh, of course. I love a walking
meeting. Keeps me sharp.

So, I have some numbers
I wanna run by you.

I think you'll be very happy.

Yes, that's what I wanted to talk about.

Okay.

So, the thing is, um, I was thinking...

Well, Danny and I
had a great conversation last night

about the business and you coming on

board and next steps of, like, what...

You and Danny were talking
about you and me?

Yes! Well, not just you.

It was more of a macro
conversation about

the future and... and the business...

Since when does he
care about any of that?

Let's face it.
When it comes to your future,

Danny's always been
a little more micro than macro, right?

[STAMMERS] You know what?
He really does care.

- [CHUCKLES]
- He does!

Greta, he does. So much so that
he's going to invest in the business.

We are as a couple. Isn't that exciting?

Exciting for who? For me? Or Danny?

Oh, for all three of us, really.

I mean,
it means more capital to work with.

He has great ideas
for next steps and branding...

You're messing with me, right? Are

we talking about the same Danny Rubin?

Why would you listen
to anything he says?

Because he's still my husband.

Okay.

Oh, wha... Well, don't say it like that.

Yesterday, you were so excited.

Yesterday, it was you and me.
That's what I was excited about.

And now, all of a sudden,
it's you and Danny. And me.

But Danny's involvement
doesn't lessen your involvement.

- He's an added contribution...
- How can you say that?

How do you not see it? He's no good.

You're being a little
unreasonable, Greta.

You see it sometimes,
and other times you are so blind to it.

He has hurt you emotionally
and... and butt-wise.

And he cheated on
you with a girl that...

- I cheated on him too.
- When?

With... Wait, what?
You didn't tell me that.

Well, I told Danny, and he accepts me.

He's not nearly as
judgmental as you are,

which is probably why
I... I haven't told you until now.

You seem so brave sometimes,
like someone I can really look up to.

And other times, you're, like, such a…

A what?

Coward.

I'm not a coward.

You said no more secrets.

You're like a f*cking child sometimes.

Like I have to tell you everything,
or we can't be friends?

You want secrets?

I'm bulimic. I eat and throw up.
I have for years, off and on.

So, you're selling a lie?

No. Aerobics saved my life.

That's not the reason
you look like that.

But that's not what aerobics is for.

For women like me, it is.
That's part of it, anyways. Most of it.

And all along, you were cheating?

I was hating myself,
if that's any consolation.

It's not! We all hate ourselves.

Jesus Christ, Sheila.
What the hell do you expect me to say?

I don't know. But you don't have to be
so angry at me. [STAMMERS]

How can I not be?

You only come to me
when you need something.

Someone to watch Maya,
or someone to play cheerleader,

someone to give you money,
someone to be fat next to you.

- And I don't even get to know you.
- You ask too much. It's not fair.

- It's friendship!
- No, that's what you demand of it.

And that hot tub sh*t. I mean, come on.
That was too much.

You're too much.

You think you're so open now, but

yet, you can't even handle my secrets.

- You can't handle me.
- You want me to be obsessed with you.

That's what makes you feel good.
You and I know it.

So, if anyone is too much, it's you.

But I hope you find somebody.

Whether it's Danny or whoever,
I hope you find somebody.

And I hope they get you help.

And that's it.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

[BREEM] Hello, ma'am.
I'm calling from the cable company.

Hi. [SIGHS]

Hi.

I know you must be surprised, dear.

I certainly was

when I first heard about all this.

Sit down. Please.

Yes, please do.

We won't keep you too long.

John.

Christ teaches us there's no
greater love than forgiveness.

"Love your enemies,
bless them that curse you,

do good to them that hate you,

and pray for them
that despitefully use you

"and persecute you."

Sheila, I forgive you for your

grievous sins and indiscretions.

As do I, just as I've forgiven John.

[MARIA INHALES DEEPLY, SIGHS]

For the sake of your soul,
you must repent with all your heart.

It is the only way to be forgiven
by our Heavenly Father.

And it is the only way
to escape eternal damnation.

Let us come together in prayer.

Join us, Sheila.

We can save you.

I have to save myself.

I'm proud of you.

- And you and Maya, you'll be okay?
- Yeah, yeah. We're gonna be fine.

This isn't about us. This is about you,
and I'm really proud that you're going.

It's one of the best facilities
in San Diego.

Well, according to them. [CHUCKLES]

You know, it's, uh... it's just a few

days, and it's right down the road.

Maybe we'll come and visit.

They discourage visitors, so…

Well, then, sh*t. [CHUCKLES]

It's just a few days. But it's a start.

It's a fresh start.

Okay.

All right.

["DESTINATION UNKNOWN" PLAYING]

[SHEILA] They don't wanna save you.
They wanna stop you.

You're not falling for it.
You're gonna keep on going.

All the way now. That's it.