01x02 - Would You Wrather Have a Hippo?

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Wrather-heads! You know the drill! I'm Cooper, and that's Cami! And this is Fred! Say hi, Fred! [muffled.]

What? Go away! I have a mouth full of donut! I love my job! The best part about it is we go to you to help solve problems.

And today, we're answering a question from a fan.

Maddy14 says, she might have to give up a friend's secret, and it's stressing her out.

Which brings us to our WYW.

Wrather-heads, would you rather have to carry around a giant secret or a giant head? Vote now! Meanwhile, our little brother, Ollie, has already made his choice.

Ollie! ["Hail to the Chief" plays.]

Ollie: Whoa! [grunts.]

I cannot tell a lie.

This head smells.

Ooh! Donut! Uh, not your real mouth, Ollie.

He'll figure it out.

- I hope.

- [computer chimes.]

Hey! So 85% vote giant head.

No one wants to deal with the guilt of giving up a friend's secret.

Agreed.

Go in! Nope.

Go in! Nope.

Update: Ollie hasn't figured it out.

I don't think I have any secrets on you guys.

Even if I wanted to tell.

What about you? Well there is your little snack obsession.

What? [scoffs.]

I like to eat baby food.

Why chew a carrot when you can suck it through a straw? That's no secret.

That's just something weird I do.

Like Cami still sleeping with her stuff hippo Ho-Ho.

I'm talking about a real secret - that if people found out-- - Excuse me! I do not still sleep with a stuffed animal.

That was a childhood habit that I parted with years ago! She's right here in your bag.

If you must know I was going to donate this ratty thing to the toy drive at Ollie's school.

Jenna: Wrap up your show, g*ng! Let's get in the car! Ollie: Open the sun roof! [grunts.]

That's it, Wrather-heads.

School time.

Check in with you later.

See ya! Again! Don't sleep with a silly hippo! Man! This thing reeks! Yeah, it does.

[sniffing.]

Like you.

Dude, we talked about this.

Girls don't like the sniffing thing.

Would you rather lose your phone Or give up pizza for a month Share your diary with the world Or have to eat it for your lunch Sing out of tune to your friends Or trip and fall into your crush Shave your head, paint it red Or use your dog's toothbrush We need a little Q&A Come on Wrather-heads, play along Would you rather do this Would you rather do this Or would you rather do that Would you rather do that Don't matter what we do We're doing it with you I'd rather do that Ask the world Would you rather do this Would you rather do this Or would you rather just dance Or would you rather just dance No matter what we do We're doing it with you I'd rather do that ask the world! Would you rather do that? Fine! Goodbye! - [Cami huffing.]

- Uh, you okay? You neck vein doesn't usually pop out till third period.

My assistant, Pam, is going out of town.

Of all weeks! I mean, running my social chair campaign is way more important than her mom's wedding! Why would you wanna be in charge of all school dances and social events anyway? Seriously? First, you control the parties, then you control the people.

Maybe don't make that your slogan.

Hey! If you want, I can help you with your social chair campaign.

If there's literally no one else Yes! Cami, your faith in me means everything.

Oh, man.

Minty Mattheson, three o'clock.

Hi-zees.

Cooper, Cami.

I wanna say "Wally.

" Actually, it's-- Cami! Great effort on your book report today! Super yawn-fest, but you try, and that's what matters.

[Cami growls.]

v*olence is never the answer.

You're right! [sighs.]

Okay, now we're just holding hands.

Yeah, we are.

So, just a couple of days till the big election.

Very tight race.

I'm not worried about it.

Oh, I think you are.

By the way, great live-stream, Coopty Coop.

Shocking news about Cami's unhealthy attachment to a baby toy.

What are you talking about? My sister's not into Ho-Ho.

Why else would she wanna donate it to Ollie's toy drive? Which I did! You're welcome! Whatevs.

Gotta bounce.

Cooper, Cami.

Kevin.

It's Wally! I still can't believe you gave away your adorable little hippo.

I know, Cami.

You loved that nurse.

Ho-Ho is not a nurse! She's a five-star chef who moonlights as a detective! Not that it matters anyway, because she's just old and gross.

And smelly! I told the lady at the toy drive that if she couldn't give it away, just toss it in the trash.

[crunch.]

Why would you crush a perfectly good taco?! Sorry! Just a bit tense.

I'm having a campaign rally down at the ice rink tomorrow.

And I still have a lot to do to take down Minty.

- May I be excused? - Of course.

Oh! I thought I would never get rid of that thing! Whoa! That "thing" is your daughter! Not her! Ho-Ho! For years, that rotting bag of germs needed constant washing and mending.

I don't know how many times I wanted to hug the stuffing out of that cute, little gal.

Again, Cami, so sad to see Ho-Ho go.

I still remember my lovey when I was little.

Remember, Mom? My Miss Fancy Pants doll? And I'd still have her today if not for the robbery.

Oh, right, the robbery! That's such a painful, scary memory.

I almost forgot! Who wants more peas? We were robbed? What did they steal? Surprisingly, only my doll.

We were all sleeping when Mom caught the guy red-handed.

She yelled, "Drop that well-dressed doll, you coward!" That's what I said.

You betcha.

He didn't drop it, but Mom chased him halfway up the street.

You chased a robber? It's amazing the hidden strength you find when you're protecting loved ones.

Ollie! Ollie! Your dinner's on the table.

This tablet is Ollie's lovey.

He's addicted to this thing.

Or that one.

Are you kidding me?! That's it! Ollie.

You need a break from these video games.

Tomorrow, you and I are spending the entire day outdoors.

[phone chiming.]

Only I won't be there.

I've got to show a house.

Mom, let me help.

I'll take him outside and get him off the tablet.

You'd do that? For you? The woman who chased a robber for me? I'd be honored.

Thank you, but all this robber talk is upsetting Cooper.

I got taco lips! [sighs.]

Come on, Cami! Tough it out! Well, hello there! What's your name? You're no Ho-Ho! I've got problems.

Vote for Minty.

Where have you been?! Hockey practice.

Is that baby squash? Yes.

Yes, it is.

What's going on? What's going on is Cami's a no-show.

I got stuck making these posters.

Yes, I know they're terrible.

And Minty showed up and started buying votes with her cheap campaign freebies.

Are you eating her popcorn? It's cheddar popcorn, Cooper.

What am I supposed to do? Not eat it? Grow up! Yikels! My opponent's not even showing up for her own social chair rally.

Now that doesn't seem very social.

[laughter.]

Popcorn and clever wordplay? We have to stop the bleeding! So what do you got? Pressed deli meat from my lunch bag.

Vote for Cam, and have some ham! This campaign just got managed.

Well, I hope Cami's okay.

I haven't seen her all day.

Hey! What's up? We good? I'm good.

You good? Want some cocoa? Psych! I've had 12 cups.

Didn't get much sleep last night.

But who needs sleep? Am I right? But who needs sleep? Am I right? But who needs sleep? Am I right? Cocoa! Oh good, she's fine.

So Cami, let's get you mingling with the crowd.

Don't touch! Fred, a moment please.

I don't know what is going on, but we need to get her out of here before-- Is that you?! You've come back to me! Something like that happens! I'm sorry! I'll never let you go again! What's she doing? That lady doesn't have a vote! All right, you got some food in you, some water, feeling better? Uh-huh.

Uh-huh! Cameron, do you mind if I took a guess at what's really bothering you? Yes.

Very much.

Do you think, with you and I working so closely together lately, some of your true feelings may have come bubbling to the surface, and that scares you? You'll talk when you're ready.

Cami, no messing around.

Talk to me.

Fine.

I miss Ho-Ho.

Then why'd you wanna give her away? Because people who have loveys don't win elections.

What's so special about one hippo? I won her at the State Fair when I was four.

Actually, I won a stupid ladybug, but I wouldn't leave until I traded out for Ho-Ho.

I argued with the guy for, like, 45 minutes.

When I was done? His head was spinning.

You do have a gift.

Mom and Dad were so proud of me.

I guess Ho-Ho reminds me of a really awesome day.

Then I'll just get her back.

I already tried.

She's gone.

- [sighs.]

- And the vote's tomorrow.

I'm in no shape to go up against Minty.

Well, you can still win this.

I'm gonna get you over Ho-Ho.

I've helped break tough habits before.

Just last month, I weaned Fred off of footie pajamas.

You are the worst secret-keeper ever! Okay, Ollie! Welcome to the greatest video game of all time.

I give you Planet Earth.

What are you thinking at this very moment? I couldn't poop this morning.

Okay, um Mother Nature could help.

See this wild blackberry bush? So I should squat there? No.

No, really.

No.

These berries are not only full of fiber, but they also taste yummy.

Wait.

Why is this berry moving in my-- Agh! Caterpillar! [spits.]

Oh! So gross, so gross! Oh! So gross! Napkin? Ollie, where'd you find this? Under that rock.

This isn't a napkin.

These are doll pants.

And they're fancy! [exhales sharply.]

Okay, after 15 toy stores, and one solid shin kick from an 8-year-old on a playground, I found this! Your new Ho-Ho! Now, I don't want any praise, 'cause this isn't about me.

- But, uh-- - [garbage disposal whirring.]

Not Ho-Ho.

Don't worry, Coop.

Dr.

Fred is here with the cure.

I present to you, your new lovey, Lil' Fred.

Little Fred? Lil' Fred.

It's cuter.

By "cuter," do you mean scarier? This guy got me through some hard times.

Didn't ya, Lil' Fred? Yep! Life with Fred hasn't been easy.

What's that supposed to mean? Do you really want to do this in front of them? Do we stay? Do we leave? What is happening? You can say anything in front of my friends.

Oh, look at that, everyone! Lord Fred's giving me permission to speak.

We leave.

We definitely leave.

I can't believe Mom lied about Miss Fancy Pants being stolen! One arm.

Fancy.

We have doll parts all over this lawn.

Mom is sick.

She took her time.

She enjoyed this.

You find anything, Ollie? Nope.

All right.

So, let's try and pretend Lil' Fred never happened.

That's not possible.

No.

No, it's not.

But the real problem here is you miss your hippo, because you have so many good memories.

We just need Ho-Ho to create some bad ones.

Frederick! Ho-Ho's in the house! I'm mean, I'm insane, and I'm bringing the pain! Hippo body slam! [yelling.]

- [thud.]

- [glass shatters.]

Well, that didn't work.

Look I appreciate you guys trying, but there is no way I can give a speech in this condition! I'm dropping out of the election.

But Cami, you can't give up.

Trust me, things will get better.

[phone chimes.]

Or much, much worse.

Minty has Ho-Ho! There, there, my angel.

Coop, Cami.

I don't believe we've met.

But I think you know this little nurse.

She's a chef! Yeah, so Minty, here's the thing.

We're gonna need the hippo back.

Sorry, Dimples.

Not that easy.

But there is one way you can get her back.

I'm not taking off my shirt.

What? No.

What? I will give the hippo back, if at the campaign speeches, Cami stands in front of everyone in school and says, [in baby voice.]

"I'm a teeny weeny baby who needs her wittle wovey back.

" Are you kidding me right now? [normal voice.]

Baby voice.

Non-negotiable.

All right! So good news, right? You go up there, say that stuff.

Boom! You get Ho-Ho back.

Baby talk in front of my whole class? Coop, I'm not like you.

I'm actually capable of getting embarrassed.

Come on.

There are way worse things than having to admit to everyone that you have a lovey, right? I don't think there is.

And that's coming from the guy who owns a puppet of himself! So what are you gonna do? I don't know.

People see me as a pretty tough girl.

And I don't want that to change.

Well, whatever you do, I've got your back.

Hippo or no hippo, you're still the strongest person I know.

Has anyone seen my-- Ollie? Did you take my phone without asking? I feel like the smart way to answer that is "no.

" Give me that! Ollie, there you are.

Let's go! We're not done with outdoor time yet.

Oh, hello! Mother.

Hi.

How's it going? We're having so much fun.

And we've learned so much.

What's that mean? I don't like your tone.

Why am I suddenly on trial? You seem jumpy.

Is there something you should be on trial for? The only thing I will ever plead guilty to, young lady, is loving my children too much.

I will end you! Only one body part left to rebuild Miss Fancy Pants.

We find the head, we solve the case.

You're getting bird seed all over me! Found it! Yay! [screeching.]

Do you hear monsters? It's probably your video game.

Or that tree rat.

- What? - [screeching.]

- [screeching.]

- [screaming.]

Get it off! Get it off! [screams.]

[screaming continues.]

What? [gasps.]

Miss Pants? Is that really you? I've got the head.

Game on! If you want your field trips to be chill And your dances to be fun Then pull that lever Really hard for Minty Mattheson M-M-M-Minty! Feel the freshness! Hey! Her DJ's the guy I gave my ham to.

Not cool, fella! - [music ends.]

- [applause.]

Well, lookie cookie.

My opponent just entered the room.

Speech time! You don't have to do anything you don't wanna do.

But I have to do something.

Let's hear whatever important message Cami has for us before the big vote.

[sighs.]

Cami: Um a good social chair has to be tough.

They have to raise money for dances, fight the principal for better school festivals.

In other words, they need to be strong.

But sometimes, people need to be strong by admitting their weaknesses.

So here it goes.

Minty [sighs.]

[baby voice.]

I'm a teeny weeny baby, who needs her wittle wovey back.

You mean this "wittle wovey"? (crowd gasps) How embarrassing! Who would ever wanna vote for you? Crowd: Ooh.

Hey, everybody! My name is Cooper, and I also have a lovey! Action Pete! And I'm voting for Cami! My name is Fred, and I still sleep in footie pajamas! You never fixed me, Cooper.

And I don't care.

Stop it! We're focused on Cami's lovey right now.

This is my lucky sock! I call him "Sniffy.

" This is my dog.

His name is Dog.

I'm not that creative.

Sit down! This is not how this was supposed to go! Kids [chanting.]

: Cami! Cami! Cami! Cami! Cami! Cami! Cami! Cami! Cami! Cami! Cami! Cami! Cami! Cami! You try, and that's what matters.

- [chanting continues.]

- [cheering and applause.]

Cami! Cami! Cami! Nice lovey, by the way.

You should probably give that back to Ollie.

I'm in no hurry.

I traded Ollie my phone for the day.

Keep telling yourself that.

Thanks again for the support, you guys.

The vote wasn't even close.

Yeah, we totally crushed Minty.

"We"? Good point.

Cami and I crushed her.

Cooper has no official tie to the campaign.

Hey kids, everybody home? Yeah! We're all here.

Even her! [both screaming.]

Miss Fancy Pants? Oh, did the nice robber bring her back? Drop it, Mom.

[both screaming.]

Fine! You win! I did it! How could you do that to a modern, working woman? Because I hated her! You took that thing everywhere! We had to drive nine hours back to St.

Louis after you forgot it.

It was taking over our lives! [sighs.]

I thought I was doing the right thing.

I feel horrible.

How could I make this right? You want my watch? Fine.

Take it.

It doesn't work, but I'm making a gesture! I am not a monster! I loved this doll.

But if this is making her want to give me things, I'm open to that.

That was weird.

So Cami, how do you wanna celebrate? That seems right.

Night, Ho-Ho.

[snarls.]

Yep.

She's back.