01x08 - The Terrible Wedding

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Irma Vep". Aired: June 6, 2022 –; present.
Thriller mini-series about Mira who comes to France to star as "Irma Vep" in a remake of the French silent film classic "Les Vampires."
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01x08 - The Terrible Wedding

Post by bunniefuu »

Thank you. Merci.

- Hey, let's have a drink.
- I'm not gonna join you tonight.

Beautiful work tonight, though.

Thank you, guys. See ya.

k*lled it.

God, I've missed you so much.

- You're here. You're here.
- Yeah.

- I saw your bags when I came back from the studio.
- Yeah, I had them dropped off.

I was late for rehearsal.

- They wouldn't let me leave.
- Ugh.

I had to do the, um, f*re scene.

f*re scene in space?

We get hit by an asteroid

and the circuit blows,

then the spaceship sets on f*re

and it starts spinning faster

and faster and faster

and enter another dimension...

This green screen stuff,
it is so f*cking tedious,

- but I was thinking about you the whole time.
- That was why

you crashed into that asteroid.

Must be careful.

I wanted to see you
in your space suit.

I could've come to set.

It's done, the
rehearsal, for ages.

When did we last see each other?

Four weeks ago in Reykjavík.

That's way too long.

From now on, like,
two weeks, tops.

Unless something
incredibly important comes up

and then we'll leave.

And then I will say, "Bye-bye."


I kind of like that we have to
start from scratch every time.

Fun! Wait, who are
you? What's your name?

Hey, at least it's not boring.

I mean, I have no
problem with boring.

I long for a boring life.

How was the show?

Great. It's just the usual
sea of rabid 11-year-olds.

Sounds amazing.

I'd give anything to cross over

into a more mature audience.

Mature audiences fall
asleep on the couch

watching Netflix.


Is that what you want?

- Yeah, my ego does.
- Yeah, but the little kiddies love you.

- They go ape-shit for you.
- I'm 31 years old.

- That is not good.
- Stop whining.

The album's amazing.
It got amazing reviews.

It's a "New York Times"
Critic's Pick. It's done.

Will you marry me?

I, um, I wish people bought it.

Didn't sell, it
didn't translate.

Kids are bored by it, and...

I just don't interest adults.

I think, maybe...
you're being in danger

of being unfair on your fans.

I love my fans.

I f*cking love them, okay?

It's just the shows. They,
they have this weird vibe.

Like, half of the
audience wants to be there

and they're screaming
like I'm a K-pop star.

I don't even think they can
hear the music, they're so loud.

And the other half
are their parents,

or even worse, their
poor grandparents,

and would probably rather die

- than listen to my music.
- They probably will die

which is why you should
stick with the 11-year-olds.

That's where the money is.

At least you know
what matters, baby.

I heard Mira was in town.

Yeah. She's doing
some random series.

I don't know what it is.
She told me, but I forgot.

Do you... see a lot of her?

No, we had a drink once.

She used me as her therapist.

Why didn't
you tell me you saw her?

I'm not jealous.

Why would you be jealous?

Because she's
beautiful and successful,

and you were... very
much in love with her.

You're the most beautiful girl in the
world, and that was two years ago.

It's nothing. Nothing.

Two years? Are you serious?

I mean, think about it,
that's only four weeks

times 12 times two.

Dude, where is this going?

I don't know,
I... Nowhere. I just...

You're in Paris,
you're bored, alone,

- maybe you need a little comforting.
- What?

Bubba, I spend my
days in a space suit

hanging from wires
staring at green screens.

When I get home, I fall
asleep in the bathtub.

- Watching Netflix?
- Yeah.

- Masturbating?
- Yes.

So, she reached out to you?

Mm-hm. She called. We spoke.

She's not a part of my life.

I think if I'm honest, I would
happier if she was okay,

but there's nothing
I can do about it.

It's like, we have everything.

You don't have
any feelings for her?

- Anymore? At all?
- No.

Come here.

- We could try again.
- Yeah, I want to.

You are so cute. I
love you so much.

- Here is your new key.
- Thanks.

What's the panic?

Where the f*ck were you?!

I've been trying you
nonstop for an hour!

Have you changed your
meds or do you have news?

I have unbelievably good news.

Are you sitting down?

Oh my god, yeah.
I... I worship him.

I know you
do. We both do.

Yeah, but he makes,
like, I don't know,

one film every five years?

Are you sure it's
actually happening?

It is greenlit, okay,

starts sh**ting in six weeks,

but they will need you
in two for rehearsals.

I'll read it tonight.

- Well, there's no script.
- What do you mean?

Well, there is a script,

but no one is
allowed to read it.

You haven't read it?

I haven't, but
everyone who has says

it's going to sweep
the Academy Awards.

Okay... s-so, uh...

how am I supposed
to make up my mind?

You've made up your mind.

It is a done deal.

You know, in this case,

- I'm fine with that.
- Hey, Jasmine.

Don't worry, I'm in
a good mood today.

Any actress would
k*ll for this part.

I myself would
k*ll for this part.

You do not know how
excited I am about this for you.

And for me.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just... give me a minute.

This is gonna change your life.

So, I will go straight
from "The Vampires"...

to whatever it's called?

"Kingdom Come,"

but you did not
hear that from me.

"Kingdom Come"! Is it
adapted from the novel?!

Which novel?

What do you mean which novel?

Sorry, I didn't
hear. A, a novel?

It was a huge bestseller.

- I loved it.
- Oh, looks fascinating.

Uh, yeah, it's an amazing part.

Uh, what's her name, uh?


Yeah, that's it.
Meredith something.

You're his first choice.

He hasn't considered
any other actresses.

And now, he wants
to meet you in person.

Where does he live again?

Shetland Islands, but
he can meet in London.

He is, uh,
notoriously claustrophobic.

Okay. So, uh, what
do we do about that?

He's okay to meet in
Kensington Gardens,

and he will bring
chocolate milk and cookies.

Chocolate milk and cookies?

Yes, it's a well-known fact.

He likes chocolate
milk and cookies.


I could meet him the day
after tomorrow in the morning.

We're sh**ting nights this week.

Let me confirm and
come back to you, okay?

Okay, great.


Your London trip is booked.

Eurostar, cabs, everything.

But not a word to Regina,

the driver, any
frogs on the crew.

If the press gets wind of
this, we are d*ad meat.

Got it.

It is late in Paris and you
have to sh**t tomorrow,

so I will let you sleep.

- 'Kay.
- Gotta go. Bye.


So, uh, where you from?

- I grew up in New Jersey.
- Yes. Okay, uh.

But I moved to Paris
when I was still a child.

- So, your parents moved.
- No, not exactly.

My birth parents
died in a car crash.

- Oh, uh.
- So, I was raised by my aunt and my grandmother.

- I'm, I'm, I'm so sorry to hear that.
- Mais tant pis.

I hardly remember my parents.

And... I had a happy childhood.

So, did you always
want to be an actress?

I have been lucky.

I had the right teacher,
met the right people...

ended up in drama school.

- I'm in my second year.
- Been in movies?


Do you want to?

Well, I'm here.

But tr-truth is, um...

- I'm sorry, I, I haven't seen your films.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.

D-Don't feel bad.

They are not so easy to find.

Well, tell me about
Philippe's wife.

Um, it's a way
people lived back then.

She's a housewife.

Her, her, uh, hobby
is, uh, knitting.

Knitting? I
have no idea how to knit.

But behold, behold, behold!

There is a twist.

What's the twist?

I won't spoil it, but, uh,
you will be surprised.

Come in.

Am I, uh, disturbing you?

No... No, not at all.

Do you mind if we talk?

Anything serious?


Is this, uh, your costume

for, uh, the scene
with the medium?

You like it?

- Spooky.
- Thanks.

Mira, um... I want to thank you.

You brought me
back from the brink.


you had sunk pretty low.

I had lost trust in myself...

and, uh, in this project.

You mean you lost confidence.

- Possibly.
- No genuine art stems from confidence.

You should be
grateful for the doubts.

My anxieties... are the meanest.

How dare you be so arrogant?

I'm fully convinced
that my anxieties are...

far worse than yours.

- Have you, um, seen the set?
- No.

Pretty creepy.

It's filled with evil spirits,

but don't worry.

I, uh, had it, uh, exorcised.


- Yeah.
- Okay.

I'm impressed.

How'd you go about it?

Hire a psychic?

Oh, um, technically,
each, uh, Diocese, uh,

has, uh, their own
designated exorcists,

but they are only summoned

for persistent
paranormal activity.

- Which I'm guessing is not our case?
- No, no, no.

It was just a, a
pre-emptive exorcism.

Mm, jellybeans?

Oh, thanks.

So, the, the priest
came on his own

and he examined the
set very thoroughly.

He b*rned some incense,
and he said a few prayers.

- Amazing.
- And he gave it his blessing.

- I'm so relieved.
- I knew you would be.

- Look at me.
- No.

Look into my eyes, Augustine.

Like that.

Let yourself go.
Close your eyes.

Listen only to my voice.

You cannot resist.

You are mine. Listen
only to my voice.

You want to obey.
Say, "I want to obey."

I want to obey.

Repeat, "I am
entirely in your thrall."

I am entirely... in your thrall.

At 2:00 this morning,

you will open the door of
Philippe Guérande's apartment.

You will open it
for The Vampires.

Who will you be opening it for?

For The Vampires.

I will obey.

I'll do your will.

Now wake up.

You've forgotten everything.

What happened?

Did you make contact

with the spirit of your husband?


It was like a dream.

Everything's fuzzy.

You have a late call tomorrow
and there's this party tonight.

Could be fun.

- With the crew?
- Mm.

More like with girls.

You asking me out?

I won't stay late.

Feel like coming?

No, I don't think so.

It's very low-key.

It's not the kind of crowd

that's gonna make
a big deal about

- who you are.
- I wasn't worried.

Oh! Couch, quick.

You seem fond of this place.

You remember the
last time we were here?

I do remember.

You danced to this
cheesy, old pop song.

How can you call "99
Luftballons" cheesy?

It's genius.

I felt you were dancing
for me that night.

- Ah.
- Were you?

I was four drinks in, I think.

Is that an easy way out?

If I don't wanna hurt you, yes.

I get it.

I don't think you do.

Hey, I, uh... I like you Zoe.

I mean, I...

- I care about you.
- I do, too.

I was in love with Laurie.

And I guess, in a
way, I... I still am.

- I was hoping I could help.
- You do.

It's just, um,

I'm desperately
attracted to Laurie...

even when she's
being horrible to me.

Maybe I'm even more...

attracted to her when
she's horrible to me,


I don't even
think I'm into girls.

You are. No, you are.

- No, I...
- You just suppress it.

No. I don't think so.

With other girls, I've
just tried to recreate

what I had with Laurie.

Don't think she's even
that much into girls either.

She dumped you
for a basic douche.

You're so wrong.

Laurie... she's into snatch,

but, where there's gold...

Laurie digs.

Will you dance for me?

- If you do me a favor.
- What type of favor?

- Can you give me a ride?
- Where to?

- Eurostar.
- What?

I-I'm off to London.

I, I have a... Like a...

An important meeting
there in the morning.

And I'll be back before
we start tomorrow.



- Is that a yes?
- That's a yes.

- Is this the bus lane?
- I don't know.

- Thanks.
- What kind of meeting is it?

Uh, can't really say much,

but, um... I'll see you
on set tomorrow night!

And don't tell anyone, okay?

- Promise?
- Promise!

Tell your
London girlfriend I say hi!

You got a light?


- You play Philippe's wife?
- I do.

And you're Regina
Moritz, Mira's assistant.

I am.

Such a fan of hers.

It's kind of intimidating.

No, she's really easygoing.

There's talk on the set.

You're leaving Mira
and directing a feature.

sh**ting in the U.K.

Do you want coffee?

- Sure.
- Let's go.

I've seen your shorts.
They're so powerful.

That's very kind of you.

Can I ask what
your film is about?

If you can't
say, it's, it's cool.

- Yeah, but it's kind of funny you would ask.
- Why is that?

'Cause you're the
first. Not even Mira.

Everyone's thrilled
I'm moving on,

but no one really cares where.

- Is Mira in it?
- No.

Whole cast is pretty
young, late teens.

Mostly unknowns.

- Small budget?
- More like no budget.

But that's fine by me, honestly.

That's the way it
should be done.

Well, the main
character is a young girl.

There's a brutal civil
w*r on her planet,

and to protect her,

her parents fly her to
Earth on a spaceship,

promising they'll come back,

but she waits and waits
and they don't come back,

so... she has to
learn on her own

how to survive in
this strange world.

I love it.

- But it-it's a sad story.
- I mean, she adapts,

and... finds some sort
of happiness on Earth.

Still. It-it's sad.

And it's, it's scarily
similar to my own story.


My parents were American.

- Hm.
- They died.

They left me on my own.

I was adopted myself,
and movies were a refuge.

I understand.


I'm usually too
embarrassed to ask

but I-I'd, I'd really
love to be involved.

If I could attend the sh**t,

even for a few days.

Are you sure? We... There's
hardly any money involved.

It doesn't matter. I
don't see it as a job.

I mean, I'll think about it.

I could use an assistant.


- What happened?
- It's The Vampires. They just fled.

Ahh, no! Damnit!

We missed them again.


Come in.

Oh, hi.


So, uh, something urgent
you want to discuss?

Yeah, I have a favor to ask.

Please, anything you want.

Um, in, um, in the story,

once the police break
into, uh, the wedding party,

the Vampires flee
in a panic. It's chaos.

And then, um, the
balcony collapses...

- Yeah.
- Most of 'em die.

Yes. That's the idea, yeah.

Okay, mm.

Maybe you don't need Lily
Flower for those scenes?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

She is part of the g*ng, so.

Okay, but in
Feuillade's version,

we don't see her.

Oh. No, but I, I, I

tried to flesh her out.

- Yeah, um.
- Hm.

Eh, do you mind if I
grab myself a beer?

Oh no, of course.

- Uhh, do you have, um.
- Uhh...

- Oh... I don't have one to open that.
- Yeah... Yeah, okay.

Oh! Ay!

- Whoops.
- Excuse me, excuse me, uh.

- Here, here.
- Sorry, uh.

I had to show off.

- Well...
- It's, it's okay. It's okay.

- D-D-Don't worry. Mm.
- Yeah? Okay.

Sometimes less is more.

- Meaning?
- Meaning, uh,

let her disappear.

Who cares about
seeing her d*ad body?

So, uh... so you want to,
to, to leave a day earlier?

If that's fine with you.


I feel like I've been
away for too long.

I can do my last scene today
and then leave tomorrow?

Oh, I...

- I disappointed you.
- No, no, no.

Why would you say that?

I imagined you would
be, um... Jade's surrogate.

But you have Mira.
She's the surrogate.

I wanted you to be
the spirit of Jade...

haunting the film.

But Lily Flower is no Irma Vep.

And Cynthia Keng is no Jade Lee,

which is fine by me.

- And I still had fun.
- I, uh, I understand.

And also, you shouldn't worry.

Jade's spirit has been with us.

What do you mean?

She has been watching over us.

You sure about that?


Can... Can I ask you a question?

- Of course.
- Um...

Have you ever met Jade

in Hong Kong?

She's kind of a
recluse nowadays.

If, if you ever meet her...

can you say hello for me?



- So? So... let's so.
- So what?

- How did the meeting go?
- What meeting?

I have my spies.

- Spies?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Even in LA.
- Oh.

- Especially in LA.
- Especially in LA.

- Yeah, you know, news travels fast.
- I see.

- Do you mind if I sit?
- Of course not.

- Right, um, the meeting...
- Mm-hm.

Was great.

He's, like, the nicest person.

- Mm.
- So unassuming.

I never met him myself,

but, uh... so I've heard.


D-Do you mind if...



You will play Meredith in, uh,

"Kingdom Come," right?

Such a beautiful part.

I have you to thank.


It's such an obvious
bit of casting.

I wouldn't have
been ready for it.

That's very kind, but...

- No, it's very kind, but I don't agree.
- Don't.

I don't agree.

Doesn't matter, it's true.

Or let's say that Irma Vep...

she taught me.

Sounds more like it.

She reconciled me with acting.

You know, I, I was angry.

I was, like, really
angry with acting.

The pleasure was gone.

How did she do that?

By showing me

that acting... is
more... than acting.

But, uh, you always
knew that, didn't you?

Yeah, but I think I
was a bit afraid of it.


You were afraid of the spirits.


But spirits are good
if you welcome them.

And to act, you have
to welcome them.


But the other...

day, I felt...

like I was losing
the spirit of Irma Vep.

Of course. That's the way.

That's the way?
W-Why do you say that?

She will only inhabit you

while you embody
her in our film.

But, um, when your
thoughts move away,

when, uh, your fate

takes you elsewhere,

she will look for
another vessel.

You mean, she, she
doesn't need me anymore?

Or you could also turn it around

and say you don't
need her anymore.

Because, uh...

you will meet, uh...

other spirits.

Like Meredith.

Meredith, eh, is,
uh, another breed.

She has nothing
to do with darkness.

- But everything to do with the light.
- She does.

You will embrace her.

But heed her.

I will.

Because light...

is more difficult to reach

than darkness.

- Go, go, go.
- Hurry up, guys!

Come on! Hurry up!

Go, go, go!




This one?

Um, you know what, I
think she'll prefer this one.

Yeah, thank you.





The police are raiding us,
and on my wedding day.

You will pay for this.

You think it's over
for The Vampires,

but I am The Vampires,
and they will never catch me.

Be warned...

vengeance will be mine.

Cut, cut!

Can we try one more, please?

Galatée, please, can you
wait a bit before sh**ting, huh?

And, and M-Mira, please, uh,

wait a second
before you fall, okay?

97/1, take six.

And... action.

The police are raiding us,

and on my wedding day.

You will pay for this.

You think it's over
for The Vampires,

but I am The Vampires,
and they will never catch me.

Be warned...

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