01x35 - Mind Your Own Business

[bunniefuu]

Well, will you throw a card
while you're still young?

Norton, you play
gin rummy your way,

and I'll play
gin rummy my way.

My way is the
scientific way,

and it takes a lot
of figuring.

For instance,
I noticed that

you picked up
a queen before.

And I know
you picked it up

to make a run
of three queens.

I also know that you
have a run of clubs.

I also noticed that you
threw away two sevens.

Therefore you couldn't
possibly use the card

that I'm about
to throw down,

which is a seven
of spades.

That's scientific
figuring.

That's ever-loving gin.

See there...

25 for gin.

That's a total of 90.

( smug chuckling )

Boy, I'm telling you,
it's a good thing that...

You know,
if you were Rockefeller's son,

I'd never have to work
another day as long as I live.

What a trouncing--
28,000 points.

Boy, that wasn't a blitz,
that was a bloutz!

( laughs )

Ah, you owe me 14 cents.

I don't owe
you anything yet.

We haven't
finished playing.

Now let's get on
with the next hand.

Ah, I don't wanna.

What do you mean,
you don't wanna?

I can't.
We got plenty of time.

The girls won't be
home for another hour.

Well, I can't, I can't.

I-I-I can't concentrate
on the game.

I got something
on my mind.

Well, what could you
possibly have on your mind?

Well, you know, uh,
that promotion

that, uh, was due me
in the sewer?

I think they're gonna
give it to Cassidy.

Well, how can they
give it to Cassidy?

He's only been with
the sewer company

for about a year.

Why should they give it
to him instead of you?

Ah, I think it's politics.

You know, he-he got pretty close
to the big sh*ts downtown.

He's only been with
the company for a year.

How could he get close
to the big sh*ts?

Well, don't forget--
for the last six months,

he's been working on the sewer
right underneath City Hall.

You're just looking
for an excuse, Norton.

You could get
that promotion

if you wanted it.

All you have
to do is go in

and sell yourself to 'em.

Tell 'em how
important you are

to their organization.

Well, I-I-I don't think
I have to do that, Ralph.

I think they appreciate
what I'm doing,

the job I'm doing.

Just go in and tell them
that this is your future,

and your future
isn't next year

or next month or week
or even tomorrow.

Your future is now,
right now.

And that's when you
want the promotion--

right now.

Well, supposin' they don't want
to give me the promotion?

Then you scare
them to death.

Tell 'em you quit.

Tell 'em after 17
years in the sewer,

you're finally washing your
hands of the whole thing.

You think
that'll scare 'em, huh?

Certainly it'll scare 'em.
They know they need you.

They know it, and
what's more important,

now you know
that they need you,

thanks to me.

All right, now, let's
go on with our game.

No, no, I don't wanna.

No, I can't, I can't.
I can't.

I'd rather not play anymore.

And listen, uh, forget about
the 14 cents you owe me.

Oh, I'm not
forgetting about it.

I lost 14 cents
playing cards,

and I'm gonna pay it off.

All I want is a
chance to break even.

Now, we'll play
one more hand,

double or nothing.

No, I don't wanna play.

I don't wanna play,
particularly double or nothing,

because when you win,

then you always start yelling
and screaming at me.

I promise you, I will
not yell and scream.

Now, be very careful how
you play this hand because

I'm out to get you.

It's your pick.

Come on with the thing!

Gin!

I gotta admit, Ralph,
this time you didn't yell at me,

because you're...

( screaming ):
Out!
Okay!

Oh, hi, Ed.

Hello, Alice.

Uh, Ralph home yet?

No, not yet, Ed.

You had your
supper already?

Uh, no, no.
I haven't even been upstairs.

Is there something
bothering you, Ed?

No. What? Me, no.
What, bothering me?

( chuckling ):
No.

Well, I got some
delicious goulash.

How about trying some?

No. No, thanks, I...
I don't feel like eating.

You don't feel like eating?

Now I know there's
something bothering you.

All right, Ed, now,
come on, out with it.

Something go wrong
at work today?

Well...
( clears throat )

...now that you ask,
uh- uh, yes, I guess so.

I guess you'd call it that.

I, uh, I had words
with my boss, Jim McKeever.

Oh, well, those things
happen to anyone.

Yeah, but not this way.

It don't happen
to anyone this way.

After what he told me,
I find it impossible

to work one more day
for him in the sewer.

Well, what'd he tell you?

"You're fired."

Oh, Ed, he fired you?

Yeah. How do you like that?

Y-You get the picture?

Good old Ed Norton,
reliable old Ed Norton,

working 17 years
in the sewer,

and now everything's
down the drain.

Oh, Ed.

I don't know what to do.

I haven't told Trixie yet.

I ain't got the nerve.

Hey, uh, Alice, uh,

you and Trix have been friends
for a long time.

Uh, suppose you go upstairs
and break the news to her?

Oh, no, Ed,
that's a man's job.

You're right, Alice.

I'll get Ralph to do it.

Ed, this is something

you're going to have
to do yourself.

You're gonna have
to tell Trixie.

Yeah, I guess you're right,
but I don't know how to do it.

I-I can't think of the words
to say to her.

I-I...
if only I didn't have...

Hey, how about this?

Maybe if I could tell her
that we went broke.

That the sewer went bankrupt.

No, huh?

Ed, there is no way of
getting out of this.

You have got to go
upstairs and tell Trixie.

Well...

guess you're right, Alice.

I've gotta face the music,
fight fire with fire.

And like they say
in the trades,

"Cest la guerry."

( sighs )

( running footsteps )

Hiya, hon.

Oh, hiya, Ralph.

Ralph, I got awful
bad news for ya.

What?
Ed was just down here, and
he told me he was fired.

Fired?

Yup.

He threatened his boss,

told him he had to have
a promotion or else.

Now, I wonder who
could've talked Ed

into doing a
thing like that.

Yeah, I wonder who could've
done a thing like that.

Well, you know it couldn't
have been Ed's idea.

It doesn't sound
like him at all.

I know who
it probably was.

Probably one of those
big mouth characters.

You know how those
big mouths are, Ralph.

Yeah.

So easy, always to
tell somebody else.

You know, butt into
somebody else's business.

Those big mouths all
the time can figure out

everybody else's life,

but they never
have the courage

to do it themselves.

Now, wait a minute, Alice,
I got courage!

What?

I mean...

if I told somebody
to quit their job,

I wouldn't do it unless I had
the courage to do it myself.

Well, thank heavens

you're smart enough to
mind your own business.

Yeah. Did he, uh...

did he tell Trixie yet?

Well, he just went
up to tell her,

but he's
awfully worried

about how she's
gonna take it.

I wonder what
he's gonna tell her.

Well, what can
he tell her,

except to say
that he was fired?

What worries
me is how

the two of them
are gonna manage.

Boy, I just wish

that I could get my
hands on whoever it was

that gave Ed that advice.

Oh, hello, Ralph.

How... how does
Trixie feel, Ed?

Uh, oh, I, uh,
I chickened out.

I couldn't tell her.

I was standing outside
the door there,

and I-I just couldn't think
of, uh, of anything

that could come into my head
to tell her, I don't know.

I chickened out.

I-I thought maybe
I'd go across the street,

and I'd-I'd get her
some flowers.

You know,
make her feel better.

Boy, I stop and think of how
everything went wrong today.

You know, Ralph,
I got to work this morning,

and I said
to the foreman...

Uh, there's no sense
of rehashing it.

It'll only make you
feel worse.

Just forget about it,

and you'll get over it
like that. ( snaps fingers )

I guess you're right, Ralph,
the past is gone.

We gotta concentrate
on the future.

That's it.

Well, guess I'll go, uh,
get some flowers.

Listen, uh, Norton.

What?

If you ever
should be, uh...

short of money
or anything, you know,

just have to ask me.

Oh, thank you, Ralph.
No, I-I got a couple bucks.

Oh, if there's anything
you want, you know where I am.

Okay. Sweet kid.

Oh, Ralph, I'm glad

you're such a
good friend to Ed.

He and Trixie
really need you now.

We're gonna have to do

everything we can
for 'em, Ralph.

Yeah.
Anything they want...

Hey.
( chuckles )

Ralph, I almost forgot.

I came down to tell
you something

I almost forgot to tell you.

I-I just don't want you
to feel sorry

about me losing my job

on account of you
giving me the advice.

All I'm trying to tell you is
that it was good advice,

and I'm sorry that things
turned out the way they did.

Well, I'll get the flowers.

Now look, Alice, you know
that Norton's my best friend.

If I told him
to do anything,

it was with the best
of intentions.

You know I don't want him
to lose his job.

And I'm gonna get his job
back for him, Alice.

Honest, I'm gonna get
his job back for him.

Tomorrow morning, first thing,

I'm going down to the sewer
and talk to his boss.

There's nothing, Alice,
nothing in this world's

gonna stop me from going down
to that sewer tomorrow morning.

Oh, no?

There isn't a manhole
in this city

that you could fit through.

How could you, Ralph?

How could you do a thing
like this to Norton?

Now, what's he
gonna do, Ralph?

There is only
one sewer system

in New York.

Now, it's up to
you to help him.

Well, I'd ask
down at the bus company

if there was a job
down there for him,

but they're not taking
anybody on.

I just hope he's
not out of work

any length of time, Ralph,

because it's gonna
be awfully rough

on the two of them.

Well, look, we'll just have to
take care of them, that's all.

What-whatever is ours is theirs,
from now on in.

You're so right.

We're gonna have
to do everything

we possibly can
to help 'em.

Alice! Ralph!
Oh...

Ed's been fired!

I wondered why
he hadn't come home.

Poor Ed.
17 years down that sewer,

and this is how
they treat him.

Trixie, how did you
find out about it?

One of the fellas in the sewer
called to console him.

Oh, I wish he was here.
I hope he's all right!

Oh, now, take
it easy, Trix.

Ed's all right.

Yeah, he's okay.

As a matter of fact,

he just went across the street
to get you some flowers.

Flowers?!

Yes, he was
worried about

how you were going
to take the news.

Worried about me?

But I was worried about him.

He's had his heart set
on being made foreman.

Oh, poor Ed. Who'd have thought
this could happen?

Oh, it must've been
a terrible shock to him.

Ed, darling!

Trixie.

Oh, honey, listen,
don't be discouraged.

The worst thing that sewer
ever did was letting you go.

You know?

Oh, sure, but-but, honey,

everything is gonna
be all right.

You're gonna get
a better job,

a much, much better job.

I have faith in you.

Trixie?

You're a wonderful woman.

Oh!

You sure
you're not angry with me,

uh, losing my job
or anything?

No, of course not.

You positive?

Positive.

Well, uh,
all right, folks,

just, uh, just stay where...
stay where you are.

Stay right where you are.

Where are you going?

Well, as long
as everything's okay,

I'm gonna take these back
to the florist.

I'll be right back.

Hi, Alice.

Oh, hi, Trix.

How'd Ed do on
the new job today?

I don't know,
he didn't come home yet.

Oh, Alice, I was so nervous
waiting upstairs alone,

I just had
to come down here.

Ah, I'm glad you did.

You know, Alice,
it's awfully important

that Ed does well
on his first day.

After all he's been through

these past two weeks
without work,

he-he needs a lift.

Oh, Trixie, don't
you worry about Ed.

He'll make a fine salesman.

He's got the perfect
personality for it.

And from what
you've told me

about this electric
steam iron,

it sounds like
a wonderful product,

and I know a lot of
people are gonna buy it.

Oh, I hope so, Alice.

You know, if he does well,

he might forget
about losing his job.

I know. Ed's
tried to hide it,

but he's been pretty blue
about this, hasn't he?

Oh, I'll say.

And it started me thinking,
Alice.

You can take the man
out of the sewer,

but you can't take the sewer
out of the man.

Trix, you sure you don't
want to stay for supper?

I got a nice, thick steak.

Alice, do you realize
we've eaten down here

every night
for the past two weeks?

Oh, so what?

It's just as easy to cook
for four as it is for two.

Thanks anyway, but
we're going to my mother's.

Well, don't you ever
get the crazy idea

that you two are
imposing on us.

Say, you got any
vinegar upstairs?

No, I haven't.

Well, I gotta run down to
the grocer's and get some,

but you stay right here,

because I'll be back
in just a second, okay?

Oh, all right.

Yeah.

Hi, Trix.
Hi.

Uh, I was looking for you.

You weren't upstairs so
I figured you'd be down here.

Say, Ed,
how'd the new job go today?

Oh, fine! Fine!

Oh, good.

I'll be right back,

and then I want to hear
all about it.

All right.

Ed, dear, did-did
it really go fine?

It was a dark, dark day.

Let me tell you,
selling from door-to-door

is no way to get rich.

I walked my feet off,
I called on 137 prospects,

I made one sale.

Out of all those people,
you only sold one iron?

One iron! One iron!

And that was my last stop.

Oh, but, Ed, Ed,
that's very encouraging

if you sold your
last customer.

Maybe after talking
to all those people,

you finally hit on
the right approach.

C-Can you remember what
you said to the customer

who bought the iron?

Sure, I can remember.

I said, "Mama, you just gotta
buy this iron from me."

Oh... hmm.

You sold an iron
to my mother.

Not your mother,
my mother.

Tomorrow's your mother.

And the outlook
ain't very bright,

because the day after tomorrow,
we run out of mothers.

Well, may... maybe
you could try

some other kind of work.

Other kind of work?

Ha-ha, look,
let's face it.

Let's face it now.

I mean, there's not many jobs
that I can step into.

A sewer worker's like
a brain surgeon.

We're both specialists.

Well, let's hope
tomorrow will be better.

I hope so.
What's for supper?

Oh, we're not eating here,
we're going to my folks.

Oh, we are? Good,
I'm glad to hear that.

I'm getting
very self-conscious

about eating here,

about mooching off
of Ralph and Alice.

Oh, it's been
bothering me, too.

Ralph and Alice have
been just wonderful,

but after all,
there's a limit.

You know what Alice
said to me today?

What?

She said that if your
job doesn't work out,

we're to move down
here with them,

and they won't take
no for an answer.

Oh?

Hey, you know?
I was just thinking.
Hmm?

If they thought maybe
that I was doing very good,

you know, and that
the future looked

very rosy and bright,

they wouldn't worry,
would they?

No.

So why do I have
to tell 'em

that I'm not selling
any irons?

That business is lousy?

I'll tell 'em
that I'm doing great.

I'm doing a wonderful job!

Hey, good idea.

After all, we're not
their responsibility,

and we'll manage to get
through this somehow, Ed.

We certainly will.

We'll show them.

Oh, hi.
Oh, hi, Ralph.

Hiya, Ralph.

Where's Alice?

Oh, she just ran down
to the grocery store.

Well, pal,
I have my fingers crossed.

How did you do
on your first day as a salesman?

Just great.
Yeah?

Jim dandy.

I want you to know
I sold a lot of irons,

and I made $40 commission!

( laughs )

$40?!

Yes, sir, boy.

$40. I was selling irons
like hot cakes.

I stopped at 2:00
in the afternoon

because I didn't want
to push myself into

a higher tax bracket.

( chuckling )

$40 in one day!

Yeah, isn't that
wonderful, Ralph?

Now you and Alice

won't have to worry
about us anymore.

That's right, Ralph.

I just want to thank you
at this time

for all that you and Alice
have done

because I appreciate it.

$40?!

Ralph, Ralph,
Ed and I have to go.

We're due at my
mother's for supper.

Well, wait a minute.

Look, uh, Norton, do you think
they could use other salesmen

down at this iron place?

Well, uh, at the time
they're all filled up.

I don't think that...

Well, look,
you know them.

Couldn't you go in
and recommend 'em?

Tell 'em what
a great salesman I am.

Well, I, uh, uh...

Ralph, Ralph, Ed can't
go recommending people.

He just got started
himself, you know.

Yeah, I just got started.

My first day on the job,
you know.

Besides, you got
a very good job.

You're happy in the work,
they like you and everything.

Don't quit, stay with it.

Yeah, but $40 a day!

Look, uh, it just takes
a little knack to be a salesman.

I mean, uh,
some guys have got it,

a-and some guys don't.

Now, I just happen to be one
of the guys that has it. See?

Yeah, I see, I see.

Uh, you understand, pal?

Oh, I understand.
Yeah.

I understand perfectly.

Yeah, okay.

See ya.

Bye, Ralph.

( door closes )

$40 a day!

Oh, hiya, Ralph.

Hey.

Listen, we had veal
chops last night,

didn't we?
Yeah.

And the night
before that,

we had, uh,
meat loaf, right?

I think so, why?

I'm just making out
Norton's bill, that's all.

He's gonna pay for every
meal he's had down here.

Ralph, have you lost
your mind?

No, I haven't
lost my mind.

He can afford it!

He made $40 today!

$40! That's wonderful.

But, Ralph,
it's ridiculous

to charge them
for the meals they ate.

We did that
'cause they're our friends.

'Cause they're
our friends?!

Would a friend
treat anybody

like he treated me?

Would he?!

And after what
I did for him?

What did you
do for him?

Oh, so you're forgetting,
too, huh?

I'm the one that
got him fired in the sewer!

He couldn't have taken
that other job

if it wasn't for me.

Friendship, ho-ho!

Do you know what he tried
to do to me just now?

I said to him, "Look, Norton,
you're making $40 a day.

"Is there any possible way
you could recommend me

to become a salesman
over there?"

He says, "Well, Ralph,"
he says, "I would,

but some people have it,
and some people don't."

In other words, that I wasn't
as good a salesman as he is.

Well, let me tell you something.

Can you imagine
how much money I can make

if that nut can make $40
before lunch?!

I don't know how much a nut
like you could make, Ralph,

but you're not gonna risk
losing your job to find out.

What do you mean,
risk losing my job?

I'll do it in my spare time
at nights.

You do it in your spare
time at nights, Ralph,

or days off or
anything like that,

and you'll be too tired
to drive a bus.

You'll lose your job.

I won't lose my job.

This isn't risky at all.

Imagine that--
$40 a day.

All right, Ralph, but
you're no salesman.

What do you mean,
I'm no salesman?

I'll have you know,
when I was six years old,

I sold more lemonade
in front of my house

than any kid on the block.

All right, Ralph, then
I'll compromise with you.

You stay with
the bus company,

and the next
hot day we have,

I'll make you a great
big pitcher of lemonade

and you can stand out
front and sell it.

Oh, you're a riot, Alice!

You're a regular riot!

Ralph, will you listen
to me for a minute?

No matter how good
any salesman's job is,

it is still a gamble.

So Norton made $40 today.

Who knows what
he's gonna make tomorrow?

At least with your job,
Ralph, a steady job,

you know how much money

you're gonna bring home
every week.

Furthermore,
you got a pension, Ralph,

and it guarantees your security.

Your boss likes you,

you're due for a raise
and a promotion.

Now, when you get that,

your job is gonna be
much better than Norton's.

Well, wait a minute.

Wait a minute!

You're right.

For the first time
since I know you,

I agree 100% with you.

And I know how to get
that promotion and raise

right away.

I don't understand.

It's called
the old squeeze play.

Do you know what that is?
Squeeze play?

Let me explain it to you.
Very simple.

Tomorrow morning
I get up bright and early,

and I go right down
to the Spiffy Iron Company,

and I make sure
that I can get a job there.

As soon as I'm sure of that,

I go right over to see
Mr. Marshall, my boss,

and I tell Mr. Marshall
that I have this other offer,

and that it offers me $40,
maybe $50 a day.

Therefore, I'll have
to leave the bus company.

Otherwise, he'll have to
give me my promotion and raise.

And that's what you call
a squeeze play.

You know he's not gonna
get rid of me.

It's not gonna
work, Ralph.

What do you mean,
it's not gonna work?

I'm gonna squeeze
Mr. Marshall.

He's in no position
to squeeze me.

Of course not.

He couldn't even get
his arms around you.

One of these days.

One of these days!

Pow! Right in the kisser!

Oh, Ralph,

I've been worrying
about you all day...

Wait a minute.
I got a surprise for you.

I have it right here.

Ralph, please, tell
me what happened.

I've been so worried.

It's nothing to worry about,
I pulled a squeeze play.

First thing I did was go
down to the Spiffy Company,

make sure that I had the job,

then I went over
to Mr. Marshall

and laid my cards
on the table.

I said either I get my promotion
and raise immediately,

or I take the other offer.

He said to me, "Ralph,
we think very highly

"of you here at the company.

"You're one of our most
honored employees.

"However, the raise
and promotion are

out of the question."

Then I pulled the squeeze
on him.

Ralph...

I said, uh,
"If you think that much of me,

"I certainly wouldn't quit
this job

for any other job."

Oh...
So I'm back
at the bus company.

Hey, hey, I got great news.

I got the greatest news
in the whole world.

You don't have to worry.

Everything is turning out
just like you said.

What are you
talking about?

I got a call
from the sewer.

They want me back there.

They're giving me
the promotion.

I report for work
in the morning. ( laughs )

Well, what
about the other job?

I quit that job.

You quit it?!
But $40 a day, Norton!

Oh, uh, well,
I got a confession to make.

I only sold one iron
and that one was to my mother.

But why did you tell me
you were making $40 a day?!

Well, uh, I-I felt
a little guilty about it--

uh-uh, self-conscious about
mooching on you and everything.

And we thought
that if I was making out good,

that you wouldn't worry it,
and-and I just want to,

at this time,
thank you very much

for everything you...
that you did and...

If I stay here any longer,
I think I may...

( sobbing )

There's the man they can't
do without down in the sewer.

Ralph, what's
in the box?

Oh, the surprise.

When I went over for the job
at the Spiffy Company...
Uh-huh.

...well, I ran
into one of the salesman.

He sold me an iron.

Isn't that a beauty?

Wait'll you see it work.

This is gonna make your
job a lot easier, Alice.

Now, as soon as
this thing heats up...

...as soon as this
thing heats up,

you go in and get
the ironing board.
Uh-huh.

And when you see
how this thing works,

you'll be amazed

at the simplicity
of its operation.

Now...

( Alice yelps )