02x08 - Election

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Rutherford Falls". Aired: April 2021 to present.
Nathan Rutherford and Reagan Wells, life-long best friends find themselves at a crossroads when their sleepy town gets a wake-up call.
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02x08 - Election

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♪ ♪

♪ As cold as an old ice cream sandwich ♪

♪ As focused as Mr. Miyagi ♪

♪ You poke at your phone ♪

♪ Posting aerial photos
of you and your smoothie ♪

♪ I can't keep on making you happy ♪

♪ 'Cause you got issues with your daddy ♪

♪ I miss ramen noodles ♪

♪ And laughing at you
and your gran in home movies ♪

♪ But I wish I could show you
more of yourself ♪

♪ I wish I could make you somebody else ♪

- ♪ But I left it way too late ♪
- Come on.

This is a top-shelf fetus.

He should be in
prenatal vitamin commercials.


Welcome to the world little Rutherford.

Right? After this election,

my full focus is Deirdre and the baby.

You two seem to be
getting along really well.

Yeah. We're really rocking

this whole co-parenting thing,
if I do say so myself.

[PHONE BUZZES] And that's Deirdre

calling and texting.

Hey, is everything okay?

No. I tried securing Peggy

as my doula but she said she's booked.

You guys are friends,
could you do something?

Yeah, of course. On it!

Uh, quick Q,

who is my friend Peggy?

Ms. Fish.

- Oh, right.

- Consider it done.
- Thank you so much.


Who knew Ms. Fish was a doula?

- Okay, burying the lede.
- Ms. Fish's first name is Peggy?

Literally the first time
hearing any of this.


You gotta come with me, by the way.

I am not safe alone with that woman.

[CHUCKLES] I wish,

but I got to do land stuff.

Want to take my pocket mace?




♪ ♪

Which is why we must

relocate Rutherford Day Care.

So the burning fumes
of the car crushing facility

will no longer hurt our children's tiny,

innocent nostrils and um...


That was your third "um."

You also had six "likes"

and four "mms" which, let's be honest,

is just an "um" in disguise.

Is this really the best way
to prep for a debate?

I mean, what's next?

Electric shocks and Swiss cheese?

This bell and the movie "Wall Street"

is how I mastered public speaking.

It's okay. I need this.

Feather is gonna use every opportunity

- to try to knock me down.
- Exactly.

Which is why we must play a hard offense.

We've compiled a list of Feather mistakes.

- Mm.
- When it's time to strike,

we want you to hit her with one of these.

"Feather, you claim to offer
Kiehl's shampoo in your gym,

but I've heard rumors
it's Garnier... Fructis."

Okay, well, she frequently
says, "irregardless,"

which is not a word.

While I adore you both,

we won't win this debate
with second-rate mom gossip.

When you're in a fight to the death,

you don't complain about
the quality of your knife.

You just start s*ab.

Okay, a brutal metaphor,
but Terry's exactly right.

Well, I say we just keep acting unbothered

by Feather's shenannies

that way, we'll be the, um...


[GROANS] Fine.

I'll do your plan. We just gotta

set some ground rules
on when to use that bell.

♪ This land is my land,
this land is my land ♪

♪ It's gonna be my land ♪

♪ Because it's my land ♪


Is this gonna be a whole day kind of thing?

When we're in the new house,
I'm gonna be hitting

all the high notes
the entire time we're painting

the walls and arguing about
how to organize the kitchen.

You cannot stack bowls on top of plates.

All right? The bowls have their place

- in this world just like ev...
- Yeah, sorry.

We're not gonna have this argument again.


But Reags, this application is spotless.


[GROANS] What if we don't get it?

Like, what if they tell us that...

Hey, hey.

We are going to get this land,
and it is going to be great.

♪ ♪

Reags, we need to talk.

Are you breaking up with me?

Wait, no, that's impossible.
You are so into me.

There's this elder back home,
Bonnie Hopkins.

She's ,

she's one of our last fluent speakers,

and... she's real sick.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

They want to record her
and do some interviews,

but Bonnie says that
she only wants to talk to me.

Old ladies do love you.

I really want to be at
this land appointment with you,

but if I don't go...

No, it's totally fine. You have to go.

I'll only be gone a couple days.

And if it helps,
I'll be bringing back the best

- bison jerky you've ever had.

That's... don't over promise, okay?

You don't know what kind of

bison jerky I've had in my life.

Hi, Ms. Fish. Oh, I'm sorry.


You can call me whatever you want.

Thanks so much for meeting me
on short notice.

Ah, I gave the kids a pop quiz.

The last question makes no sense,

so we have time.

You left the kids alone?

- Oh, they're on camera.
- Uh, I put Devony in charge.

- She's the tallest.
- Okay, great.


I was really sad to find out
you can't be Deirdre's doula.

I was also quite surprised to
find out that you are a doula.

You really have a wonderful reputation,

and I know it would mean so much to Deirdre

i-if you could squeeze her in.

And... would it mean a lot to you?


Well, I was worried it would
be a conflict of interest.


We just... have so much history.

Do we?

And Deirdre's one of my best friends.

- Is she?
- Yeah.

Me, DD, and Reagan
are basically girl squad.

- [FORCED LAUGH] Basically.

Well, if that's the only thing
holding you back,

I really hope you'll reconsider.

Okay, but the second I sign on to do this,

I am all business.

Which means I will not be
comfortable with you

constantly coming on to me, Nathan.

Oh, I don't think that'll be a problem.


Ooh, they are starting to turn on Devony.

Corey, put the scissors down.

Someone start "Monsters University"

on my laptop.

- Where were we?
- You should probably get back.

No, it's like a run time of ,

so we should hang. This is fun.

You should... you should get back.

It's fine.

Go back.

Thank you for your time
today, council members.

Including Rayanne.

So it's just, uh... just us today?

I figured these meetings were,
like, some sort of

gladiator arena, you know? [LAUGHS]

Ha, ha, ha! [LAUGHS]

I fight you to the death for my land.

- Sorry, little nervous.

Not sure if you know Mervin Rose.

He's the Land Committee Chair.

He'll be reviewing your application today.

Oh, uh, nice to meet you.

Louise Jacobs is your mom?

Yes. She is a Wells now, though.

She gave me a very bad perm in .

And I apologize on her behalf.

But I like your dad, Bill, though.

- Old fishing buddy.
- Ah, great fisher.

Once put a hook through
my cheek with a bad cast.

Clumsy Bill.

Spouse... Nelson Renville.

- Don't know him.
- He's Dakota.

Real tradish. Wears his hair long.

You'd like him.

Didn't realize you were married.


To be fair, I... there's a story about that.

- And um...
- They're on their way.


Well, Reagan...

The land is yours.

Really? That's... that's it?

There's no swimsuit competition
or "Squid Game"?


Tell Nelson hello and congrats.


Thank you so much.

Continued support of
Ye Old Rutherford Village

will jump start our tourism economy.


Thank you, candidate Yang.

Those are great ideas.

Could I have done that as mayor?


Candidate Day, you have
two minutes to respond.

- I'm taking four.
- Very good.

We're running out of time to strike.

No, they're just waiting
for the perfect moment.

Bobbie Yang and I aren't so different.

We're both self-starters,

both young for our accomplishments.

Our one difference is that I follow my gut

and that gut is protected by
a very firm eight pack.

I want the record to show
I've been focusing on cardio.

And of course,
there is one other difference.

I'm no one's puppet.

Excuse me?

Okay, now might be a pretty good time.

My opponent is the shadow candidate

for Terry Thomas, the puppet-master

slithering behind the scenes like a snake

with arms and fingers
to control that puppet.

A lizard.

I'm... I'm not even sure
that Bobbie Yang knows

they're pushing the agenda
of a weed smoking,

gambling obsessed reptile.

I yield my time.


[QUIETLY] Hit back! s*ab her.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Terry.

I don't think gesturing commands is helping

with the whole lizard puppeteer narrative.

Look, I know I'm not the most
traditional choice for mayor.

I am young. I am light on experience.

Many people have said
I'm way too hot for the job.

Many have said the same thing about me.

But my best quality is
I have nothing to hide.

Unlike Feather Day, who since Halloween

has been trying to cover up the crimes

of her out-of-control daughter.

- What the hell?
- It was her daughter

who vandalized the Big Larry statue.

Shut up.

And I have the pics to prove it.


is this Emma Day?

Yup. Ooh, is this an iPhone?

I've never seen one up close. It's just...

And right beside her is Jimmy Thomas,

- Terry Thomas' son.
- It is.

Would I tell you that if I were his puppet?

I would drop the mic, but
it's attached to the podium.


Bobbie, beneath my calm exterior

is a river of boiling anger.

But beneath that is a layer of respect

for the ruthlessness you've shown.

Well, respect plus anger equals...

But underneath that

is a bedrock of pure rage.

Feather backed me into a corner

and those pics are gonna get me elected.

They could also get Jimmy
suspended from school

or even arrested.

If you'd shared your plan with me,

I could've warned you
of the collateral risks.

I was aware of the risks

which is exactly why I didn't tell you.

Okay, okay, so this is a very tough,

crappy situation

and you're both right.


let's get some ice cream.

It was either Jimmy gets busted

or Feather becomes mayor.

You told me to be ruthless,
and that's exactly what I was.

Well, voting starts tomorrow.

Let's hope you've made the right play.




I brought you some Mountain Dew.

It's in my car.


It's just the syrup,
but there's a lot of it.

What's happening?

Sally needs to talk to you.

This is her being vulnerable.

[SIGHS] I heard you got land.

I've applied a bunch of times.

I'm... I'm wondering how you did it.

Yeah, who'd you sleep with on council?

Ew, Wayne.

I filled out a lot of forms.

I was persistent,

and I, uh, may have led them

to believe that I was married to Nelson.

There it is.

Wait, so to get land,

I just have to parade a man around?

- It wasn't totally like that.
- Rayanne helped me out a lot.

I'm sure she'd help you too.

If you think it'll help,

I'm willing to sleep with Rayanne.

- Really?
- Got you, fam.

And I listed my brother as contact,

but he is not the emergency contact.

- Okay.
- Ladies,

I'm so sorry I'm late.

Um, the lady at the baby store
talked me into getting this,

which is a shlerm.

It's from Sweden.

It's supposed to help the baby sleep, um,

or maybe poop or some... I can't remember.

Well, we were just going over
the intake form and...

Oh, are you feeling okay?

Uh, yeah, it's just my wrists
have really been bugging me.

- Carpal tunnel.
- Pregnancy makes it way worse.

I'll start you on some marshmallow leaf tea

to reduce inflammation.

I also do pregnancy massage. May I?

Oh, my God.

That feels perfect.

Nathan, you look tense as well.

Okay, Peggy, I don't need a massage.

I wasn't offering,

but how are you feeling about all this?

I think we should just
stay focused on Deirdre.

I mean, this is her session so.

You're not growing a life,

but you're in this with her.

Dig deep. How are you?

Well, um, it's actually been a while

since anyone's asked me that so, um,

I'm nervous.


but nervous.

- Nathan, you're crying.
- Am I?

I don't... I don't think so.

Dig deeper.

Where does this nervousness come from?

I don't know. Um...

fear, I guess.

Fear that I'm gonna be a bad dad.

I never really knew my biological father,

so I guess there's this
kind of sense that maybe

there's things that I... I should know

that I just don't know

and that I don't even know

that I don't know. [CHUCKLES]

And that somehow my kid's
gonna suffer because of it.

So that's pretty much...

That's what that is, I think. Mm-hmm.

You've been holding on to that?

You're going to be a wonderful father.

You've read all the books,

and you can teach him
about trains and... and sweaters.

And it's gonna be great.

♪ ♪

Thank you.

If you're gonna be of use
to this woman and this baby,

you gotta own these fears.

Let it out, papa bear.

I really appreciate that.

I will.

I think I need the shlerm.

Of course, grab that.

Thank you so much
for meeting with us, Rayanne.

[CHUCKLES] You look nice.

I love that top. Where'd you get it?


Why am I here?

Uh, well, we are here, uh,

because Sally is eager to get her own land,

- but she's single.
- By choice.

- And childless.
- By even more choice.

But she's such a value to our community.

I mean, she takes care of
her pottery artist auntie,

and she found a way for the entire rez

to watch MMA fights for free.

The way was just sending
the cable guy feet pics.

Well, I can't help with any of that.

Um, why?

She does so much for our Nation.

I mean, why is she put
at the back of the line?

Don't whine around to me.

Take it up with the US government.

They're the ones that
downsized our territories

and they made us fight for the scraps.

I would k*ll for a scrap.

A lot of folks would,

not just you young girls.

Anyone who doesn't have
a family of their own.

I didn't get land until I got married.

Didn't mean I liked it

or my late husband for that matter.


But that's just the way it is.

But aren't we a matrilineal tribe?

I mean, why does it take a man and kids

to get a piece of our own land?

If you're so bent up about it,

why don't you give Sally your land then?

That's... that's good with me.

I just hate that my brother
gets land passed down to him,

but for folks like Sally, it's impossible.

God, there's got to be
a better solution for this.

Well, are you gonna buy me lunch or what?

Yes, of course.


♪ ♪

Marshmallow leaf tea sounds yummy,

yet it has no taste or smell.

- It's freaky.
- I know, but I trust Peggy.

Yeah, I do too, which is
a strange thing to say,

but she's kind of turned a corner

- towards normal recently.

I really appreciate
everything you've been doing.

Like getting Peggy for me.

It means a lot.

Well, yeah, of course.

I mean, I would do anything for you

and our baby.

Are you ever just, like,
"We're having a baby"?

- I know.
- It's like, [MIMICS expl*si*n]

- Us.
- It's crazy.

- Do you mind if I steal him?
- Oh, of course.

Of course. Go, go, go.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah, go.

I'm gonna head home.

Okay, well, tomorrow I'm all yours.


- Is that what you want?
- Oh, God.

- What?
- For Nathan to be all yours.

Oh, Nathan and I are not together.

But you like him, and he brings you things.

And you guys made a baby
and you're both so adorkable.

Sorry if that's not PC, but...

Well, we do have chemistry,

but it's complicated, Frank.

I don't like complicated.

That's why I don't watch
"The Masked Singer."

I mean, you get one thing.

I mean, you can be
a crappy singer or be a mascot,

but to be in a mascot costume
that looks like

a rainbow farted...


When I got my plot of land on the rez

after months of bureaucracy,

I felt like the most
special person in the world.

But I'm not.

I just gave them the impression

that I fit all their requirements.

But I think every tribal member
should be eligible for land,

regardless of marital status or kids

because it wasn't always like this.

Minishonka didn't have
nuclear family units.

We were communal

until colonization forced us
to live like settlers.

I want to change that.



Singles Sanctuary.

Oof, not that name.

Uh, introducing Turtle Island Towers.

- Even worse.
- Fine.


name TBD,

Indigenous communal living
years in the making.

I'm willing to use my plot
of land as a testing ground,

but I need the funds
to build ten tiny homes

offered to singles of all kinds;

women, old timers,

all the single uncles... there's too many.

All these different people

cohabitating and supporting one another.

Feather's really tarnished my reputation.

Something like this could cancel

the alarmingly growing notion

that I'm some weed loving reptile.

So you're saying this is a good idea?

It's a tremendous undertaking.

You'd have to somehow convince
council members

to change policies they've fought for.

- I will.
- Then you'd have to develop

a fair system of placement,

contingencies for when community members

come after you for not choosing them,

because they definitely will.

That's to say nothing of making budgets,

managing construction crews.

All the while maintaining
the museum in town

while overseeing the larger build.

♪ ♪

But I think you're more than
up for the task.

I mean, maybe we should rethink it.

I just got really into
the model, building it.

Type up a proposal,

figure out a not-terrible name,

and we'll present this to council together.

With % of the vote,

the next mayor of Rutherford Falls is...

Bobbie Yang.


- Wow.

Folks, I deserve this.

I would like to say a huge
thanks to my amazing team.

My campaign manager, Nathan Rutherford.

Terry Thomas, I owe you so much.

Thank you.

To my amazing mother, Jamie Yang.

Terry Thomas.

I guess congratulations are in order.

I figured I'd come straight to the source.

I'm honestly amazed you accepted

the results of the election.

Never saw that coming.

Hope there's no hard feelings
with how rough things got.

Oh, I already have a sponsorship

with Omega Paint Removal
and a deal to write a book

called "Terror in the Family:

When Your Daughter Goes Antifa."

It's mostly pictures.

You're gonna profit heavily off of this.

I know! And the best part is,

I don't have to waste my time
being dumb mayor.


Lovely. So nice to see you.

- Thank you.
- So proud of you.

So no part of you wishes

we were toasting Mayor Nathan Rutherford?

'Cause I sure do.

No. Maybe the old me would have,

but at this point,

I'm pretty content to just be right here.

And besides, look at them,
they're a natural.

Bobbie's a bit more of
a variable than I'd hoped,

but sometimes folks like that
can keep you sharp.


And sometimes they try and cross you

and you have to crush them like a bug.


Guess we'll have to wait and see.

♪ ♪


Hi. How's home?

Oh, Reagan, it's incredible.

Bonnie's such a wealth of knowledge.

Did you know that Marlon Brando

actually asked her
to refuse the Academy Award?

- But she said no.
- That's why Sacheen did it.

That's why Sacheen did it.

How did the land meeting go?

Oh, my God, you won't believe it.

- I got it.
- Oh, my God, congrats.

We gotta celebrate when I get back.


In more cool news,
I think I figured out a way

to build cooperative housing on my land.


Slash our land. Slash my land.

Damn it, should I have
cleared this with you?

Well, it wasn't what I expected,

but, hey, we probably were
gonna end up living in one of

our parents' spare bedrooms anyway, right?

This could be pretty cool.

I love how you get how great this could be.

Well, I love you.

I... love you too,

future manager of our communal garden.

- Yes.
- Get home already.

All right. Bye.

♪ ♪


Josh, hi.

Am I having a stress dream? I mean, hi.

Uh, why are you here?

Season two of my podcast.

NPR wants me to cover Bobbie's journey

as America's first -year-old,
non binary mayor.

They do. Oh, are you sure?

- I mean...
- Yeah.

So I guess now we'll be

in the same place

at the same time.

Yes. Mm-hmm.

Anyway, I should go say hi
to the new mayor.


- Congratulations!
- Thank you!


- Hi, Peggy.
- Hi.

Hey, uh, I just want to say
thank you so much

for everything you're doing
for Deirdre and for me.

It's my passion and my job.

Well, you know, you're great at it.

- Thank you.
- I have to say,

it's been really cool
seeing this other side of you.

- What side is that?
- I don't know.

Just, you know,

really confident and

poised and


So yeah, thank you.

Thank you.

- You're welcome.
- You're welcome.

Yeah, okay.

♪ ♪

♪ I'm about to freak out ♪


- That was quite a night.





What a perfect day.


- Hello?
- Nathan, hi!

- Good morning.
- To... top of the morning to you.

- Is everything all right?
- Yes.

I'm heading back to Albany and...

I keep thinking

about us, and...

This is weird to do this over the phone.

Are you home?

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

I'm... I'm home. Yeah, alone.


Can I stop by?

- I...
- So dumb, but my dad's

on the phone, and he's so happy for us.

He wants to say "hi."

Nathan, are you with somebody?

What a joyous day, my boy!

Nathan? Nathan!

♪ ♪

♪ I guess it takes a wrecking ball ♪

♪ To break the walls down around you ♪

♪ Before I throw it all I got ♪

♪ Baby, just tell me what to,
tell me what to do ♪

♪ 'Cause I can't wait, I can't wait ♪

♪ I can't wait, I can't wait ♪

♪ I can't wait ♪

♪ I got a lot that I want,
and I want to get it all ♪

♪ Oh, look for the summer ♪
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