02x11 - The Clock King's Crazy Crimes

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Batman". Aired: January 12, 1966 – March 14, 1968.*
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Series follows on Batman and Robin as they defend Gotham City from its various criminals.
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02x11 - The Clock King's Crazy Crimes

Post by bunniefuu »

In Gotham City, when the social
set goes diamond shopping...

there is only one place to go.

And that place is
Harry Hummert's.

A veritable treasure house among the
jewelers catering to the Gotham City elite.

Oh, what an
exquisite clock, Harry.

I didn't see this when
I was here last week.

Oh, actually Mrs. Frontenac,
I only acquired it yesterday.

It's a shop piece, not for sale.

- Oh.
- You wanted to see something...

- in a set of diamond clips, didn't you?
- Oh, yes.

Yes, I'd loved that.

Perhaps one of these would
please you, Mrs. Frontenac.

Hmm.

Hummert would be astonished...

if he knew that the lens of a
transistorized TV camera unit...

- is hidden in that antique clock.
- Oh.

Control calling Second Hand.

SECOND HAND THREE:
Number 3 to Control. Reading you.

The time is at hand.

Get ready to strike
in 10 seconds.

We're wound up
and ready, Control.

Stand by, Second Hand.

That's odd.

Shouldn't be
striking the hour now.

There must be something
wrong with the mechanism.

Such adorable cherubs.

Hummert's? Robbed?
Broad daylight?

Commissioner, did
you hear the news?

Yes, Chief O'Hara.

And ominous news, I'd say.

The knockout gas the criminals
used came from an antique clock.

Then it's himself, that conniving crook
who uses time for crime, the Clock King.

I fear we're in over our
heads, Chief O'Hara.

I'll contact the Caped
Crusaders at once.

One moment, commissioner.

I shall expedite his presence.

I don't pay enough
attention to the two of you.

Oh, you do. You do.

Just run along and enjoy
yourself, Aunt Harriet. We'll be fine.

Ha, ha. Hmm.

- Check.
- Oh!

- The Batphone, sir.
- Hmm?

- The Batphone.
- Oh.

That was perfect timing.

I quite agree. From what you say
about the robbery at Hummert's...

it clearly indicates the
modus operandi of Clock King.

Clock King?

Apparently, d*ck. But this time,
we'll bypass police headquarters.

What?

When one is dealing with a villain like
Clock King, one must use time wisely.

We'll go directly to Hummert's gem shop
and try to pick up the lead from there.

To the Batpoles.

Excellent.

Every move right on schedule.

Just look at all these goodies.

You're marvelous, Clock King.

That, my dear, is because I
plan every move like a timetable.

As my archenemies, Batman
and Robin, will soon find out...

to their detriment.

Thinking. Every minute,
every second. Thinking.

Men.

You've done well.
I'm proud of you.

Thanks, Your Highness.

Ah. I see it is almost the hour.

Zero minus seven, six, five...

Here it comes again.

Three, two, one, zero.

Lovely. Lovely.

What an exquisite,
exciting rhapsody of sound.

Millie, back to your dusting.

Second Hands...

we have work to do.

That's all I know
about it, Batman.

I bought the clock at the Parkhurst
Galleries. I go there nearly every week.

Every Wednesday, as a matter of fact.
Benson Parkhurst is an old friend of mine.

Obviously, Clock King learned
that it was Mr. Hummert's habit...

to go to that particular
auction gallery.

And he had the clock put up for
sale knowing he'd be sure to bid on it.

Thank you, Mr. Hummert.

Come, Robin. Let's pay a
visit to the Parkhurst Gallery.

Men.

And Millie.

According to my crime table...

our next target will be
the Parkhurst Art Gallery.

Gee.

After which, we will strike at the home of one
of Gotham City's wealthiest young socialites.

No kidding, Your Highness.
A triple hit in a day?

Another of my clever little clocks
was bought by a dear old lady...

who lives in the
home of a millionaire.

Then, after that pair of jobs...

I have a real coup in store.

In fact, it may well be the biggest
clock crime of my distinguished career.

Biggest, Clock King?

Your Highness, please don't
hate me for mentioning them...

but what about Batman and Robin?

Batman and Robin.

The nights I've lain awake,
scheming, plotting my revenge...

against those flat-foot
prints in the sands of time.

Those shadows on the
sundial of true criminal genius.

However, if Batman and
the Boy Blunder, ha, ha...

"Blunder."

If they should attempt
to cross my plans...

they'll find they're just in time
to count their final seconds.

And when they
do, I'll strike hard.

I'd be glad to help
you in anyway, Batman.

Things are little
hectic here today.

We're getting ready upstairs
for our first Pop Art show.

We'll try not to detain you,
Mr. Parkhurst. Do you recall the man...

who brought the clock here to be
auctioned? The one Mr. Hummert bought.

I'll have to consult the
auction book for that day.

Now, let me see.

Oh, yes. Here it is.

Now I remember him.

He was a heavyset
man with a small beard...

and, um, his name
was Mr. Chronos.

Chronos?

- The Greek word for "time."
- Correct, Robin.

Thanks to your diligence
in foreign languages...

we can now safely assume
that the mysterious Mr. Chronos...

is actually Clock
King in disguise.

Amazing.

The way you two
figured that out.

I could have never done it.

Don't feel bad, Mr. Parkhurst.

You haven't been trained
in deduction as we have.

Come, Robin, we must be going.

We must find something
that will give us a clue...

as to where our evil enemy,
Clock King, will strike next.

I think I have an idea
where we might find that lead.

- Where, Batman?
- Dunbar's Drive-In.

Good afternoon,
Gotham City viewers.

This is your roving TV
reporter, Fred Forbes...

welcoming you to the What's New in
Art? Segment of our Gotham City report.

Coming to you today from
the famous Parkhurst Galleries.

For years, the Parkhurst
Galleries have been known...

for their exhibitions and auctions of
art that have stood the test of time.

But now, Mr. Benson Parkhurst, the owner of
the galleries, has bowed to the inevitable...

and the galleries are
having their first exhibit...

of Pop Art.

And it seems to be a hit.

- Out of the way. Make way, please.
- Something that's not on the program.

- This way. Careful. Gently, gently.
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What is going on here?

What's going on
here, my dear sir...

is certainly not an
exhibition of true Pop Art.

This way. Out. Forward.

Ah.

Inferior.

All definitely inferior.

- And just who are you, sir?
- Heh.

I am Progress Pigment,
the king of Pop Art...

and apostle of its culture.

A little more to the left, boys.

Now, I will let you have the honor
of viewing my latest masterpiece.

Off.

I call it Time Out Of Joint.

- What...?
- What is this?

This is certainly an
incredible machine.

- It is really a work of art.
- Get this junk out of here.

Junk? Do you
realize what this is?

You are looking at the
symbolization of time.

Time, the ever-moving
balance wheel of the universe.

Observe.

Everything will be all
right. Please, don't go.

Yeah, wait. It'll be all right.

Hey, it's the Batmobile.

- Just look.
- I am looking.

And isn't Robin too much?

At the risk of sounding
naive, Batman...

how do you expect to find a
lead to Clock King in this drive-in?

At one point, in his
sordid criminal career...

he had a feminine accomplice
named Thelma Timepiece.

Oh, of course.

Welcome to Dunbar's, Batman
and Robin. What will it be today?

We're looking for someone who might
be working here. Thelma Timepiece.

Oh, yes. Thelma.

Sorry, Batman. You can't win
them all. She quit last week.

I think she went back to
her hometown in the Midwest.

But I'd be glad
to take your order.

I am a little hungry.

Of course, Robin. Even
crime-fighters must eat.

And especially you. You're a growing
boy and you need your nutrition.

Hamburgers. Medium rare.

May I recommend, Batburgers?

Batburgers?

- "Trouble stealing your appetite?"
- "Arrest it with our new Batburger."

I'm honored by
this tribute, miss.

Two Batburgers, medium rare...

and two glasses of orangeade.

Uh, doubles.

Turn on the Bat-scope, Robin. Let's see
what's on the Gotham City TV news report.

There it is, folks. An uninvited
entry here at the Parkhurst Galleries.

As you can see, the artist Progress
Pigment has his contraption working.

And the only word
to describe it is "wild."

He even has a name
for it: Time Out Of Joint.

Time Out Of Joint?

- Time? Do you suppose...?
- If only we could only get a closer look at him.

We're going to bring Progress
Pigment in for a closer look.

I want all you folks to
see a most unusual artist.

Progress Pigment?

The beret, the
beard, dark glasses.

There is a way we could
make sure. The Bat-photoscope.

Sure. It'll activate the microfilm
crime file in the Batcave...

and transmit a normal photograph
of the Clock King to us here.

Yes.

Ah.

How does it look, Robin?

Holy masquerade.
It's Clock King.

- Miss? Would you take our baskets, please?
- Oh, sure.

Men, the hour is at hand.

- It worked.
- Naturally.

Few people can stand the
vibrations of supersonic sound.

Now let's get what
we came after.

That fool, Parkhurst.

The sound of this mechanical sculpture
covered up the buzz of the saber saw...

as it was cutting
through his stronghold.

And right in front of his eyes.

Ah.

Here it is.

My favorite clock masterpiece.

And now it's mine, all mine.

Come, my good Second Hands.

Careful with it. Careful.

Careful.

Ah.

Right on schedule.

We've completed
another foolproof crime.

Let's go.

You can only fool some of the
people some of the time, Clock King.

Batman and Robin. At them, men.

I'll give a personal bonus to the
first man who knocks out Batman.

Four against two.

I would say that the odds
are on our favor, Robin.

Come on. Fight, fight. Go.

Wait. This valuable
painting might be damaged.

Isn't it beautiful?

Please, let me put it
down so it won't be hurt.

Agreed?

Agreed.

I seem to have hurt
my wrist a little bit.

Just give me a moment.

Anytime you're
ready, Clock King.

Just give me a
minute. A minute...

to touch my
counterattack activator.

Holy mainspring. I can't move.

Perhaps I should've
titled my creation:

The Dynamic Duo:
Caught in the Coils of Time.

The cops.

That'll be Chief O'Hara. I contacted him
with the mobile Batphone on the way here.

I'll have you free
in a jiffy, Robin.

Batman.

Dynamic Duo, are you all right?

Yes, Chief O'Hara. Only
our pride has been hurt.

Clock King and his
cohorts escaped.

Robin. Look.

Clock King dropped
one of his watches.

He must have accidentally dropped
it when he massaged his hurt wrist.

And it's not the
seal type, either.

Quickly, Robin, to the Batcave.

I want to examine
this watch carefully.

According to the
Bat-chemical Analyzer...

the dust in Clock
King's watch...

contains aluminum oxide.

- Is that important?
- Indeed it is, Robin.

Aluminum oxide is used in the
manufacture of synthetic gems.

I still don't get it. How does
that connect to Clock King?

It's obvious, Robin.

Synthetic gems are widely used
in jeweled watch movements.

- Holy sundials. Then you mean...
- Exactly, Robin.

Clock King's hideout is...

Is a place where they make
synthetic jewels for watches.

We'll just feed the necessary
data into the Batcomputer.

Well, this has to be it, Robin.

"Tick Tock Synthetic
Rubies Incorporated."

According to this card, that firm
went out of business four months ago.

A wise idea to make a surprise
entrance through the rear of the building.

Wiser yet, old chum, if we make
it up the outside of the building.

This should be good practice if something
ever takes us to Mount Everest, Batman.

I think we'll be confining our
campaign against evil to Gotham City...

for some time to come, old chum.

It needs us.

Hey, Batman and Robin.

- What are you guys doing?
- Just routine crime-fighting.

Would you like to
come in? I'm rehearsing.

Thank you, citizen, but our pursuit
of justice allows us few diversions.

- Be seeing you.
- Bye, Robin.

Hey, you guys come and catch
my act sometime. I dig yours.

All right, fellas,
one more time.

From a whip-or-will

Ha, ha. Welcome.

I've anticipated your visit.

That's why I coated that section of
the floor with super slick watch oil.

Second Hands.

Batman...

we're inside a giant hourglass.

You grinning devils.

Looking for your utility
belts? They're over here.

Naturally, I removed them
to prevent your escape.

Batman. Sand.

It's starting to pour down.

Your Highness,
your alarm is ringing.

I'm well aware of it.

Well, Dynamic Duo,
we'll have to leave now...

if we're to keep to
our timetable of crime.

We certainly don't want to
disappoint Mr. Smith, do we?

After all, he's going to be
of invaluable help to us...

at exactly 5:00 this afternoon.

Some people k*ll time.

But this time, time
is going to k*ll you.
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