02x14 - The Yegg Foes in Gotham

[bunniefuu]

We have already seen
Gotham City's charter stolen...

by the rottenest egg
of them all, Egghead.

Gordon and O'Hara
with egg on their faces.

Batman and Robin
answer their weekly call.

The city really owned
by the Mohican Indians...

and only leased by the citizens.

Nine pelts paid every five
years to renew the lease...

or it will egg-xpire.

Was this Egghead's plan?

It was.

Chief Screaming Chicken, last
of the Mohicans, gave his word.

But he was an Indian giver.

Batman and Robin att*ck.

A millionaire kidnapped.

Another millionaire kidnapped.

Our millionaire kidnapped.

Egghead suspects that
Bruce Wayne is Batman.

Will this fiendish
machine vacuum his brain?

Holy hypothesis!

The Caped Crusader held in his
chair by electromagnetic power.

Can this really be happening?

Let this serve as a warning to
anyone with a delicate nature.

The most egg-xcruciating
circumstances are yet to come.

Four seconds and you'll be
as helpless as a newborn babe.

Ha, ha. How egg-xotic.

Nice going, d*ck. I
thought I was a goner.

Well, was...? Is he? Is he?

Only a bit of information
trickled through...

before that accursed
teenager turned the switch.

- And?
- That man has a mind full of trivia.

It's inconceivable that
he could be Batman.

Back, back, I say.

This is a radar egg.

And the slightest vibration
will make it egg-xplode...

and turn this into a room carpeted
with wall-to-wall millionaires.

Let's get out of here.

It's two minutes before midnight
and the lease is about to egg-xpire.

Nothing can stop us now.

We have only one chance.

This type of mechanism is
only sensitive up to about 6 feet.

Do exactly as I do.

We just can't leave that b*mb there, Bruce.
Some innocent bystander might get hurt.

Correct. Therefore we must trigger
that mechanism before we leave.

- Tim, Pete, wait outside.
- But...

- Please, please, there's no time to lose.
- Okay.

- Now what?
- We play marbles.

Marbles?

I heard Egghead say he
didn't think you were Batman.

And the machine
worked, didn't it?

Only too well, d*ck.

After years of
mental conditioning...

I was able to block off
that portion of my brain...

pertaining to my dual identity.

I couldn't have lasted much longer,
though. All right, let's get down.

You got it on the first sh*t.

At the age of 11, I was junior
marble champion of Gotham City.

- Even then.
- Let's go.

12:03.

I can't conceive of what
happened to those three millionaires.

It's all too incredible, but Gotham City
now belongs to Chief Screaming Chicken.

You better believe it, buddy.

Oh.

- What happened to you?
- A long story. Are we...?

Too late.

Midnight came and went, and
with it the fate of Gotham City.

You no show up, me now own
Gotham City and all suburbs.

That is the way the
wigwam watusies.

But is it legal, Mr. Mayor?

- I'm afraid so, Batman.
- Even though Egghead kidnapped...

the millionaires and held them until
after midnight? That's against the law.

Boy Wonder, there is no
more law in Gotham City.

We're at his mercy.

We must give him enough
rope, commissioner.

And let him be hoist by
his own petard. Trust me.

Batman, we're in your hands
like we've never been before.

Correction.

You are in my hands.

This is my official contract
with Chief Screaming Chicken.

And it gives me complete control
of Gotham City as his emissary.

You fiendish devil.

Egg-xpletives will get you
nowhere, my cowled crime-buster.

The Gotham City Charter
is back in its case...

and it's quite egg-xplicit,
if you care to read it.

You'll have to talk a
little slower, Eggy-pooh...

if I'm going to capture
all your wisdom on paper.

You think anybody
will buy his book...

- on how to be a better criminal?
- Quiet.

My first duty as new
leaseholder of Gotham City...

is hereby to fire the mayor
and the police commissioner.

You can't do that.

Oh, yes, I can.

You are through.
Finished. Fired.

Up. Out. Out. Over. Up. Out.

We're witnessing a new low
in community relations, Robin.

And as for you, my
caped incompetents...

I hereby egg-xpel you
from the Gotham City limits.

If you so much as show your
masks around here again...

I'll have you both egg-xecuted.

This is the saddest day
of my young life, Batman.

What will be, will be.

Goodbye, Gotham City.

You were my kind of town.

If Batman and Robin ever
come back to Gotham City...

they'll be sh*t on sight.

- Ain't that great?
- Hold your egg-xuberance, Foo.

My amazing brain tells me that
we haven't seen the last of them yet.

We gotta move fast, Robin.

The longer Egghead is in control of
Gotham City, the more chaos will erupt.

What will we do? We're barred.

This is one time when Bruce
Wayne and d*ck Grayson...

- can do more good than Batman and Robin.
- How?

Egghead said the city charter
is back in its resting place.

My training in legal
matters has taught me...

that every document has some
fine print that is usually overlooked.

Bruce Wayne and d*ck Grayson
are going to steal the charter.

Wow, talk about
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Stop them!

Stop them! They've just stolen
$50,000 worth of precious jewels.

I'm sorry, sir. Commissioner Egghead says
we're not allowed to arrest his friends.

Well, if you won't do
anything about it, I will.

Sir. Sir, come
back here, please.

- I'm afraid I'm gonna have to give you a ticket.
- A ticket? For what?

Jaywalking.

I don't understand.

Murderers and thieves are making
Gotham City an unfit place to live in...

and you stopped me to
tell me to fasten my seatbelt.

I'm just doing my job, sir.

With all the noise and the
sh**ting and everything going on...

who could blame me for missing
that litter basket with my tissue?

Just the facts, ma'am. Will you
please give me just the facts?

It's 3:00 in Gotham City, and
time for the 11th hour news.

Our town is in an uproar.

Robberies are taking
place all over Gotham City...

and the police are
powerless to stop them.

Commissioner Egghead seems to
take great delight at the happenings.

The big question is, where
are Batman and Robin?

Even though they've been
banned from the city limits...

all Gotham City is hoping for
them to help us in our hour of need.

Things may have gotten
somewhat out of hand, d*ck.

Why don't we take a
nice drive into the city?

- Great.
- Is that wise, sir?

We have no other choice.

How are we going to open it?

We'll have to break the case.

Why don't you use the Batbeam
in the spare utility belt you wear?

If I did, Egghead
might suspect Batman.

No, we'll use ordinary means.

They fell into the trap. Oh,
I am egg-static. Ha-ha-ha.

Calling all cars.
Calling all cars.

Be on the lookout for Batman and
Robin in the vicinity of the city hall.

Well, gentlemen...

when we capture the
caped crime-crushers...

we will remove their masks...

and egg-xpose their
faces to the public.

Then they will be
out of business.

I wonder who they are?

Well, Bruce Wayne, d*ck Grayson.
I'm surprised you came to Gotham City...

the way things are going.

We had some
business to attend to.

Did you happen to see Batman
and Robin around the area?

Commissioner Egghead has given
my men orders to sh**t them on sight.

I haven't seen Batman for weeks.

Well, thanks anyhow.

There it is.

The clause we've
been looking for.

"If the heirs to Gotham City's lease fail
to make payment on the approved day...

said property reverts to the Mohican
Indians and/or their legal representatives.

The only stipulation
to this clause...

is that the property may never be
leased to anyone who's committed crimes...

against the city,
territory, or the crown."

In those days we were
still a British colony.

What does it mean, Batman?

It means we've got that criminal
by his large, gray, double-A head.

I don't think he'll be satisfied with half the
loot collected by the visiting gangs, Robin.

- He must have something bigger in mind.
- What could it be?

Think, Robin, think.

Where is all the money
in Gotham City kept?

In the treasury, of course. With
the tax just having been collected...

there must be close to
$30 million in that vault.

Right, Robin. And what's a
synonym for the word "treasury"?

Depository? Strong
room? Bursary?

Of course, the English
word for "treasury."

- Exchequer.
- Or eggs-chequer.

- Oh, you've done it again.
- To the Batmobile.

Here I am with 29 million George Washingtons,
and I don't feel the least bit crowded.

And the beautiful part about it
is all of this money is tax-exempt.

Me think you are crooks.
Me go tell the mayor.

Oh, but my dear egg-xalted
chief, you are the mayor.

- Ha, ha.
- Oh. Oh, you're right.

Me have short memory span.

I say, Foo Yung, will you loan me a
couple of hundred thousand or so?

Of course, my dear.

Here you are. Pay me back
whenever you can find the time.

I'm in no hurry.

Perfumes from Paris
and dresses from Rome.

And my very own handsome
guardsman from Buckingham Palace.

You know, one of those men who
don't giggle when you tickle them.

And now...

And now to egg-xpedite matters,
let's start packing this stuff up. Ha, ha!

Is this the way it's all supposed
to end, Mayor Linseed?

Not with a bang, but,
uh, with a whimper?

We're like two old warhorses
being put out to pasture.

I never thought I'd see the day.

And you haven't.

Batman, Robin, you realize you're
taking a grave chance by coming here?

- That's why we took the surreptitious route.
- Egghead's got a price on your cowl.

The person bringing you in,
dead or alive, gets $50,000.

- Holy recompense.
- That's all over now.

A clause in the city charter refutes
anything Egghead might have planned.

It specifically prohibits criminals
from leasing any of Gotham City.

- Splendid news, Batman.
- What now?

It's my guess that Egghead and
his men had another crime in mind.

- We think they're going to loot the treasury.
- And we're going there right now.

Clear all police channels
for an emergency message.

This is Commissioner Gordon speaking.
Men, I have wonderful news for you.

Batman and Robin are back.

We no longer have to
take any of Egghead's guff...

because he no longer has
a legal hold on our fair city.

Batman and Robin were gone from our
ranks less than 24 hours, Mayor Linseed.

And you were a witness to
the havoc that was wrought.

Call them the Dynamic Duo, the
caped crime-fighters, the foes of felons.

Call them what you will.

But thank your lucky stars
we can call them our friends.

- We better hurry, Batman.
- Not too fast, Robin.

In good Batclimbing, as in good driving,
one must never sacrifice safety for speed.

Right again, Batman.

Who are you, citizen?

Oh, my name Jose Jimenez.

And who, may I ask,
are you two nice people...

climbing down the side of this building
when the elevators are available?

- I'm Batman.
- And I'm Robin.

Ah, oh. I'm the
foreman of a jury.

We're trying to make up our minds what to do
to a terrible nasty criminal person, you know.

- Oh.
- Trying to find out now. Excuse me.

Oh, you decided?

What? Oh.

Fellas, could you
leave the rope?

Gone. Every penny is gone.

- Holy banks.
- Almost $30 million in small bills.

Oh! Oh, Mr. Masked
Man, you are so right.

That Egghead, one
very bad hombre.

- Where did he go, Chief Screaming Chicken?
- He leave me to hold them bag...

- while he escape.
- But where?

He say he must replenish
before he go to South America.

Then they all lay high.

Lay low.

Lay low, yeah. Me
wrong on direction, yeah.

He say he lay low for one day and
then pretty soon maybe they all leave.

Any particular place
in South America?

Oh, he say he take money, all
the money, and run Venezuela.

Chief Screaming Chicken, I think
you've been led down a primrose path.

My face is so red.

Robin, tell
Commissioner Gordon...

to alert all land, sea and
air exits from Gotham City.

We must keep Egghead within the city limits
until we find out where his hideout is.

Hm. Roger.

Boy, it makes me feel good
to be a Gotham Cityite...

when I see how everybody
forgave Chief Chicken.

You'll find that people are basically good.
They're merely reacting to their surroundings.

Chief Screaming Chicken was
wooed from the path of righteousness...

by some extravagant promises.

It's a human failing that all of us
are subject to at one time or another.

But all that's water
over the embankment.

- Right now our job is to find Egghead.
- Mm. Any ideas?

We know his diet consists
solely of grade triple-A white eggs.

If he were to take a trip, which all
the evidence indicates he might do...

he would first have to load up
on all the eggs he could carry.

Right.

How many poultry farms, triple-A variety,
are there within the limits of Gotham City?

Mm, three. Bernie's Chicken
Farm in the Lakewood area.

But that farm produces
only brown eggs.

Hmm.

Paul's Poultry
Palace in Pimlico.

- And if my memory serves me correctly...
- As it always does.

Paul's Poultry Palace has
only eight hens and one rooster.

Scarcely enough to feed
his voracious appetite.

And with all the roads out
of Gotham City blocked...

that leaves only one place.

Are you some kind
of nut or something?

You can't come in here and
steal my eggs like this, bub.

Mr. MacDonald, you should
be egg-xpressing your thanks...

that I saw fit to grace your
ranch with my presence. Ha, ha.

Only the finest quality eggs
will do for my dietary practices.

Besides, your prices
are egg-xorbitant.

I'll make you a good
deal. Better than wholesale.

My good fellow, let me egg-xplain.
Egghead never pays for anything.

It's just not done among
your finer class of criminals.

Why, do you realize that if I paid one penny,
it would ruin my reputation among my peers?

- It's almost dark, Egghead.
- Don't you think we better get going?

Hey, how are we gonna get out of
here? They blocked off the airports.

- And the roads.
- And the harbor.

Well, since all of the overland
routes have been egg-xpunged...

the only way to
go is underground.

So let us explore Gotham
City's sewer system.

- Just the right place for a rat like you.
- The only place you're going is up the river.

Let's give them a taste
of our knuckles, shall we?

Batman!

Batman!

All right, all
right, that's all.

Cease and desist.

I'm done.

Who's gonna pay for all my eggs?

You'll be reimbursed, Mr. MacDonald,
at the current market rate.

Woe is me.

My criminal career
is now egg-xtinct.

Foolish evil man.

You're going to end up where
all broken eggshells end up.

In the garbage.

Give me a break, Batman?

You'll be dealt with
fairly in a court of law.

Miss Bacon.

I'm puzzled why a girl of your obvious
breeding, education, style and class...

should have become involved
with someone like Egghead.

I guess I'm just lucky, Batman.

Is this the end of
the book, Eggy-pooh?

The end, period.

I guess I laid an egg.

Batman, we owe you a
debt that can never be repaid.

Good city government is its own
reward, Commissioner Gordon.

All the visiting criminals
have been apprehended...

by our stalwart
police, Boy Wonder.

The police of Gotham
City are the best anywhere.

Our job is done.

Come on, Robin.

If you need us again, gentlemen,
we're as close as your Batphone.