02x26 - It's How You Play the Game

[bunniefuu]

As you recall, we left Batman
and Robin staked out by Shame...

in the path of a
cattle stampede.

Things haven't improved
any since we left them.

And in a moment,
we'll see what happens.

Just a few seconds left,
Batman, and there's no way out.

Courage, Robin.
Keep your mask up.

The rumbling of the cattle
zooms has loosened my stake.

Stay right where you are,
Robin. Don't make a move.

Olé, Batman.

Hey.

Ha, ha. Bravo, bravo, more.

- Olé.
- Olé, Batman. Olé.

Oh. Unh. Phew.

Oh. I always thought they
went for red capes, Batman.

Merely an affectation, Robin.

Something to make the
corrida seem more colorful.

Actually, bulls are colorblind,
they react to movement, not to color.

Holy toreador.

The word is "matador," Robin.

"Toreador" is a word of convenience
used by Bizet in his classic opera Carmen.

- Oh. Holy matador, then.
- Very apt.

Batman, Boy Wonder, what
happened? I thought it was all a game.

It was, Andy, the most
dangerous game of all.

And the stakes
were life and death.

And we darn near d*ed.

There's one thing in life you should learn,
it's to listen to your father and mother...

and I don't think they'd approve
of your association with Shame.

You're right, Batman, I
should have known better.

But after all, I'm
only 7 years old.

You're never too young to learn
the difference between good and evil.

If I see him, I'll walk on the
other side of the street, I promise.

But I'd sure like my radio back.

We'll see about that.

Let's go, Robin.

We've set another youth on
the road to a brighter tomorrow.

Goodbye, Andy.

Now that we know he's building a
truck, we'll have to discard our theory...

that he's stealing parts so he can
race a car in the Gotham Grand Prix.

Sure, and that 100,000 in prize
money is just cattle feed to Shame.

Yet what could his reason be?

I suggest we visit the
one man in Gotham City...

who knows what's happening
in the world of wheels.

- Hot Rod Harry at KGC.
- Yeah.

Good luck, Dynamic Duo.

Shame, come back. Come
back, Shame. Shame, come back.

And now, stay tuned
for the news on KGC.

The number-one rated
radio station in the world.

Stationville,
breakville, nowsville.

Well, hello, Caped Crusaders.
What can I do for you?

Shame is building a super-fast
truck. We're trying to figure out why.

Well, the drag races
are all over for the year...

other than that, I can't
think of a thing, Boy Wonder.

Hey, there is one other cat who knows more
about where the automotive action is...

than the top-rated
DJ in GC town.

Who's that, Mr. Harry?

Laughing Leo, the used car and truck
magnate on Surf Avenue and 20th Street.

- Thank you.
- Keep punching, fellows.

You have my word
as a used car dealer.

This car was formerly owned
by an oyster salesman...

who only drove it in months
with an R in them. Ha-ha-ha.

I certainly hope so.

I came all the way from
Pasadena to buy this car.

- Bye, honey.
- Goodbye.

Ha-ha-ha. Welcome, welcome.

Hello, friends, looking for a
new or one-only used car?

Not quite, we came to...

Ah, that old job of yours is
starting to look a little bit tacky.

Wouldn't be interested in
something more modern?

I can put you in a beaut for only 1000 down
and this old clunker thrown in. Ha-ha-ha.

Know of anything in the car world that
Shame might wanna get involved with?

Shame? Ha-ha-ha.

- Which Shame is that?
- The conniving cowboy of crime.

Oh, that Shame. Ha-ha-ha.

- Sorry, can't help you.
- Let's go, Robin, we'll get no place here.

Look, 500 down, now, that's
my last offer. How about it?

- Sorry, can't help you.
- Well...

Come again. Ha-ha-ha. Goodbye.

Oh, hello there, Laughing Leo, you
come over to give us more good news?

Well, this truck's ready
to take on anything.

Of course, it don't make a heap of difference
now that Batman and Robin took the big leap.

- Funny you should mention that.
- Yeah.

- We gonna steal them there Black Anguses.
- What, where Black Anguses?

Oh, them prized cows at the Gotham
City Rodeo. Worth 300,000 bucks each.

And four of them totals up to one million,
two hundred thousand, all together.

Which we're gonna sell out west to
some unscrupulous cattle ranchers. Ha, ha.

Boy, don't that just
about fry your eyeballs.

Ha-ha-ha. I couldn't be happier.

I ain't smiled so much since I ran
out of notch room on my g*n handle.

Batman and Robin done in.

Us gonna get a potful.

Things just couldn't be better.

All right, Leo, what did you
come to talk to me about?

Well, I don't quite know
how to tell you this, but, uh...

Well, now, don't stand there
chewing your cud, spit it out, boy...

I don't like a dallying tongue.

Batman and
Robin are still alive.

They came over to my
place asking questions.

What's happened?

He's angrier than a
hyena with laryngitis.

- Shame?
- Hush up, Leo. When he gets this way...

maybe you don't see nothing,
but it ain't safe to ask no questions.

And exactly where was the
Wayne limousine found, Alfred?

On a shadowy side street,
sir, in a Gotham City suburb.

I hope you didn't mind
my dismantling it for you.

Not at all, Alfred.

You saved us at least
15 minutes by doing that.

But I'm afraid we've struck out.

There's not a fingerprint
to be found anywhere.

Here's the last item, sir.
- Mm-hm.

There's a tiny green speck and
an even tinier red speck on it.

Robin, here,
take a look at this.

What do you think it is, Batman?

The red speck appears to be chili
and the green speck is avocado.

Do you know what that means?

That Shame is a sloppy eater?

Partly, but what restaurant serves the
best chili and avocado dip in Gotham City?

Holy guacamole.

The Adobe Hacienda Motel and
Eats on the inbound state highway.

Let's go.

We're too late, Batman,
now we'll never find him.

Don't fret, old chum.

Let's figure this out.

Shame would have
to hide until tonight...

because he can't travel during the daytime
in those peculiar looking clothes. Right?

As rain, Batman.

Where would a bunch
like that hole-up?

- You've got me.
- I think he went back to Westernland.

He knows that we know
about his hideout there.

Correct. However, knowing that, he'd think
that we'd think he would not return there...

therefore, he did
and so will we.

- Holy Bat-logic.
- Let's go.

But boss, how did you know?

I knew he'd think I'd think he'd
think I'd think he'd come back here.

All right, you got clear aim.

Let them have it.

We've been bushwhacked. Quick,
behind the b*llet-proof Bat-mobile.

Another hero bites the dust,
I plugged the Boy Wonder.

All right, let's vamoose.

- Where did he get you, Robin?
- In the heel.

We'll have to get that out
fast. Here, bite down on this.

Steady, Robin.

There.

Let's go after them, Batman.

No, we'll have to get
you back to the Batcave.

Where you can get
proper medical attention.

You'll need blankets, some
hot water and plenty of Baticillin.

It feels perfect, Batman.

The Baticillin lozenges I
gave you worked instantly.

Too bad they got away
before we could question them.

That's crime business, Robin.

It's all in the
game. Yes, Alfred.

I beg your pardon, sir, but your
scheduled to serve as Grand Marshal...

- at the annual Gotham City Rodeo.
- Great Scott.

On the horns of our
dilemma, I'd overlooked that.

Should be quite
an interesting affair.

Apart from the usual steer roping,
bulldogging and bare back riding...

there's the exhibition of the
prized Black Angus cattle.

- What cattle?
- Black Angus, sir, four of them.

Each worth more than $300,000
for, ahem, breeding purposes.

- That's it, Robin.
- What's it, Batman?

It's staring us right in our masks.
They must be what he's after.

Alfred, call the
coliseum commission...

and convey Bruce Wayne's regrets
that he will be unable to attend.

But, sir, think of
your public image.

No one will miss Bruce
Wayne and d*ck Grayson...

once they see Batman
and Robin. To the Batmobile.

Now, nobody flick an
eyelash, this here is a holdup.

I don't want them bacon
drippings, I got bigger fish to fry.

Rip. RIP: Yeah?

Get that freight elevator ready.
- Okay, boss.

Messy? MESSY: Yeah, boss.

Get them cattle rounded up.
- Right, boss.

All right, get in
line. You heard me.

Pull that cow out.
Come on, move.

Okie Annie, keep your
g*n aimed on these folks...

- and this time, aim to
k*ll. Get it? OKIE: Got it.

Good.

The rodeo is on the main floor, but
the bulls are shown on the upper level.

What happens if we've
guessed wrong, Batman?

If they aren't what
Shame is after?

Think positive, Robin.
But you do have a point.

Stand clear.

These short Bat-climbs are
harder than the longer ones.

It takes a while to unlimber your
muscles, Robin. It's all good training.

Colonel, what are doing
here in Gotham City?

I'm looking for an
underground agent.

One of ours or one of yours?

And why the exposition
hall at the coliseum?

Who knows, you never know
where you might find one.

Be careful not to get picked up.

Chief O'Hara can be very
tough with aliens incognito.

- Incognito? With my monocle?
- Well, say hello to Colonel Hogan for us.

It's no wonder he hasn't tried to borrow your
Bat-rope to pull another one of his escapes.

All right, now you folks keep
your feet planted on the ground...

and nobody will end with
their toes curled up, get it?

Good.

- What happened? Who did it?
- Uh... Uh... Uh...

Which way did they head?

What's he saying, Batman?

Poor devil, he's in a state of
shock, Shame must have just left.

- Come on, Robin.
- Where to?

Through the window from whence
we came. We must capture Shame.

What's wrong, Batman?

They've already attained a
substantial lead over us, Robin...

plus, with the speed of that
truck, we'll never catch them now.

- And they have one great advantage over us.
- Which is?

They know where they're going.

And they've already stolen a
million, 200,000 dollars on the hoof.

Unless we can employ some
Bat-logic and figure out their scheme.

- Let's see. Steers have to be fed, right?
- Right.

And it's not easy to hide four
such enormous, well-known animals.

- Right?
- Right.

They must've gone back to the
Gotham City stockyards, right?

- Wrong.
- Wrong. Wrong?

If you wanted to hide a person,
would you hide him in a crowd?

- Right.
- Right? It's easy to spot a person in a crowd.

But it's not so easy to spot a
person in some isolated spot...

where you wouldn't have looked.

- Ergo?
- Ergo...

Shame has probably taken
those cows to the corral.

Sound thinking, Robin.

Call Commissioner Gordon on the
Bat-telephone. Tell him to meet us there.

Come back, Shame.

Shame, come back. Shame.

Meanwhile, at the
Gotham City stockyards...

Shame and his evil cohorts are feeding
the Black Angus cattle at the KO Corral.

Well, I guess we're
done did it, Laughing Leo.

As soon as we get these critters fed
and watered, we'll hightail it out of here.

Hee-hee-hee! Every arch criminal in the east
has been trying to outwit Batman for years.

Ha-ha-ha! But it took a
sun-tanned westerner to do the trick.

You said a snootful, Leo. - Mm!

- Hey, boss, did you hear what I hear?
- Huh?

- Did you hear anything?
- You hear anything?

- What do you hear?
- The Batmobile.

That's what I hear. All
right, now, take cover...

and this time, when
you aim, aim to bleed.

There it is, Batman,
the KO Corral.

- Let's go.
- Steady, old chum.

This could be a trap.

- What do you think, Robin?
- It's awfully quiet.

Too quiet for my money.

Don't make a move, Batman,
or I'll fill you full of lead.

You can't frighten us with
a vague thr*at, Shame.

For a smart hombre,
you ain't got much savvy.

This town ain't big
enough for the both of us.

Draw.

You and every other criminal know
that I don't carry firearms, Shame.

Well, then, reach for your
utility belt so as I can do you in.

Even the rottenest cowboy
wouldn't g*n down two unarmed men.

It's against the
code of the old West.

Them rules don't count
east of the Mississippi.

If you're gonna m*rder us, you're
gonna have to do it without our aid.

You may get two other notches in your g*n,
but it won't help your reputation one bit.

That's enough, Batman.
One more move...

and you'll look like a big
blue lump of Swiss cheese.

I got you covered six ways
to Sunday. Look around.

At the moment of
truth, do exactly as I do.

All right, fellows and
gal, let them have it.

What do we do when the smoke
clears, they can draw a bead on us?

Shh, shh. I'm concentrating. ROBIN:
It's a heck of a time to be concentrating.

Let's see, nine g*ns with six
sh*ts each, how many sh*ts is that?

- Fifty-four.
- I counted 53.

They're out of b*ll*ts.

Now we'll see if you guys are as
brave without g*ns for protection.

Come on, Robin.

Get them, Shame!

Yippee! Yahoo!

Ay! Ride him, cowboy. Ha, ha.

You wouldn't hit a man with
glasses, would you? Heh.

- You're not wearing glasses.
- Oh, I'm not?

Laugh that off, Leo.

Pardon me, ma'am.

That's no way to
prime a pump, Shame.

Yeah, all right, partner, it were
a fair and square fight, Batman.

It was fair because you
couldn't use your weapons.

Great care must be
taken in the use of firearms.

They can be quite
dangerous if used improperly.

You said a mouthful.

Shame, you just fired your
last sh*t in Gotham City.

All right, you thieving
spalpeens, get going.

Come on, into the wagon. All
right, now, come on, hurry up.

Let's go. You too, come on.

Batman, you've done it
again. May I shake your glove?

- Of course, commissioner.
- Ha, ha. And yours too, Boy Wonder.

I must admit, we had a few
tense moments with Shame.

On the other hand, I knew
you would bring him to justice.

- Oh?
- Well, don't you always?

I like to think of you two as my
own personal blessings in disguise.

In a few minutes, the authorities
will transport you all to the Calaboose.

Well, I guess it's goodbye
for 99 years to life.

The law is the law.

This little tyke insisted
on coming in. Ha, ha.

Ha, ha. Andy, what
are you doing here?

I've been yelling and screaming all
over Gotham City for Shame to come back.

When I heard that he was in here, I
just reported myself as a lost little boy.

- Why did you do that?
- Because this dirty old man stole my radio...

and if Mom ever found out about
it, she'd whale the tar out of me.

Give me back my radio, Shame, or
you'll be in big trouble with my mother.

Here. Send me a bill for the
batteries. Batman'll know my address.

Well, what are you gonna do now,
Andy? You're not really a lost little boy.

I was for a while, Batman,
but you made me find myself.

I'm going straight to
the departmental store...

and trading this western
outfit for a Batman costume.

I don't wanna be
a cowboy anymore.

I wanna be a hero like
you, caped crime-fighter.

Being a hero or a crime-fighter is
not what counts the most, Andy...

it's growing up to be a good
citizen, and if that's what you meant...

it's the highest possible
compliment you could pay me.

Good grief.