02x45 - Batman's Anniversary

[bunniefuu]

Gotham City, a glistening
jewel in a sun-filled landscape...

on a day when all
seems right with the world.

But in stately Wayne Manor, some
of life's answers still prove elusive.

Gosh, Bruce, I'm not really
sure how important it is...

to know the maximum number of
pieces a pie will yield after six cuts.

Well, if you had a house full
of guests and only one pie...

you'd find it was important.

The trick to this pie puzzle,
d*ck, is to discover a rule...

that will give you the
maximum number of pieces...

for any given number of cuts.

Now, notice... Thank you.

Cut number one
yields two pieces.

Right.

Cut number two
yields four pieces.

Right.

Do you detect any
pattern yet, d*ck?

It looks as if each cut adds a number of pieces
that is always equal to the number of the cut.

Bravo, d*ck. I think
you're beginning to get it.

As long as each cut intersects the lines of
the previous cut, that rule should hold true.

Now, if we draw the
next line in that manner...

and count the pieces, I'm
sure you'll find they'll total seven.

One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven.

Seven. Right again, Bruce.

The Batphone, sir.

Thank you, Alfred.

Here, Aunt Harriet, see how
many pieces you can get out of this.

Oh, Alfred, I'm
certainly glad I have you.

Thank you, madam.

Always happy to be of service.

- Yes, commissioner?
- A very serious situation has arisen, Batman.

What, commissioner?

Well, for once, I'm afraid
it's of such vital importance...

and might have such
far-reaching consequences...

I think we should not even
discuss it over the Batphone.

That bad, commissioner?

That bad or worse.

- Right away, commissioner.
- No.

No, Batman, wait. I don't even
want us to meet in my office.

Now, if you will go directly to the
Gotham Plaza Hotel, I'll explain further.

- Right.
- Holy cryptology, what was that all about?

I don't know, d*ck. The commissioner
is not given to unnecessary alarm.

To the Batpoles.

Chief.

You're just in time,
Caped Crusader.

Right on the button.
Saints be praised.

Better three hours too
soon than a minute late.

Now, what's the
crisis, commissioner?

Uh...

Step into the Petit Ballroom.

Happy anniversary to you

Happy anniversary to you

Happy anniversary, Dear Batman

Happy anniversary to you

Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished
guests, Batman and Robin...

as mayor of Gotham City, it is my
privilege to officiate at this luncheon.

One of many to commemorate a day
cherished in the hearts of all Gothamites.

A day when a man known only as Batman
donned cape and cowl for the first time...

and appeared in our midst
to preserve law and order.

In appreciation of all the Caped
Crusader has done for our community...

members of the Gotham
City Dairymen's League...

have donated $200,000.

Enough new bills, as a matter
of fact, to fill a golden calf.

The proceeds from this luncheon
and others in your honor...

will be donated to your
favorite charity, Batman.

Ms. Anna Gram,
Milkmaid of the Month...

will make the presentation.
The calf, please.

- Speech. Speech.
- Right, speech.

Speech!

Thank you.

Mayor Linseed, good
citizens of Gotham City...

I can only state humbly...

that this is perhaps
my finest moment.

Citizens, stay calm.

Make your way
to the exits slowly.

Batman, look, the window.

The fire department
is here already.

That's what I call fast action.

Almost too fast, Robin.

Have you noticed the lack of flame in
this room and that curious green smoke?

Batman, the firemen are
leaving with the golden calf.

Not firemen, Robin.

The thieves who staged
this flameless inferno.

Let's get them.

- Riddler.
- Salutations and consolations...

- anniversary boy.
- Riddler, that money is for charity.

I'll see that it gets
into needy hands.

In the meantime, I suggest
you look for an engaging page...

to herald the next of
my anniversary surprises.

Ta-ta.

Holy trampoline.

Where did Riddler get a Gotham
City Fire Department rescue truck?

Where he got it is not as important
as where he's going. To the Batmobile.

There's no need for
axes. There was no fire.

Merely a well-planned smoke screen to hide
the Riddler's theft of the golden calf.

That enigmatic egotist
back to plague our fair city?

But not for long.

Holy fork in the road.
Twin rescue trucks.

One vehicle is set on an evil course,
the other on an errand of mercy.

We can't risk stopping
the wrong one.

Luck is no lady
today, that's for sure.

Luck generally comes to
those who look for it, Robin.

Riddler rarely leaves
anything to chance.

Paper, mister?

Which paper is it?

Gotham City Herald.

Latest edition, 10 cents.

Want one or a bundle?

One, please.

Thanks, pally.

I know it's important to
be well-informed, Batman...

but don't you think we
should be finding Riddler?

That's exactly what I'm doing.

He suggested we look for an engaging page to
herald the next of his anniversary surprises.

- Right.
- And what would you call...

the daily puzzle page of
the Gotham City Herald?

An engaging page.

- The clue must be somewhere in that puzzle.
- Precisely, Robin.

And since the Gotham City Herald also
publishes a morning edition with this puzzle...

he would've had time to design
his crime with this puzzle in mind.

What are we waiting for?
Let's solve that puzzle.

Meanwhile, in his hideout...

in the soon-to-be-opened
Noman Jigsaw Puzzle Factory...

the Prince of Puzzlers coaxes
his cohorts in a chorus of praise.

Tell me again, you
cringing knaves...

am I not the king?

You are the king, Riddler.

King, king, king.

Breathes there another mortal...

who has absconded with a
$200,000 anniversary present...

from under the cowl
of the Caped Crusader?

No, Riddler, no one.

And who else would be clever
enough to turn in a false fire alarm?

So the real rescue truck would
run interference for my escape.

Ha, ha! What a marvelous
piece of riddling genius that was.

But I've only started
with the Caped Crusaders.

I'm going to confound
them with conundrums...

unnerve them with enigmas,
perplex them with puzzles...

until they wish they were dead.

And then what, Riddler?

Then, my jigsaw jackanapes,
then I'll grant their wish.

All right, knaves, follow me.

We have work to do.

Get into these, quickly.

Gee, I wish I were
going with you, Riddler.

Your part in our plan is
critical, dear Anna Gram.

Do it well, and you can
help us strike our next blow.

Where are we going, anyway?

We are going to a banquet.

This puzzle's given us a few
minutes of mental exercise...

but it still has to provide us with
a clue Riddler promised it would.

Well, we've been studying
this puzzle as a puzzle.

I keep thinking about the way you
worked out that pie puzzle this afternoon.

You mean, inductively?

Right.

Across one, "a water utensil."

Answer, "basin."

Down one, "a formal dinner."

Answer, "banquet."

Down three, "a public way."

Answer, "street."

- Down four...
- Wait a minute, Robin.

The Sons of Balboa
are having a banquet...

at the Basin Street Hotel.

And they filled a
Spanish chest...

with $100,000 worth of gold doubloons
to contribute to your favorite charity.

A tempting treasure
for that pirate Riddler.

The Batphone.

- What is it, commissioner?
- An alarming incident...

in our financial
district, Batman.

A water main under Matron Lane has
burst and flooded the underground vault...

of the Gotham City Bank.

A flooded vault.

Or a flooded bank.

A bank wet, Batman.

Commissioner, muster your
forces at the Basin Street Hotel...

and guard against criminal activity at the
banquet being given by the Sons of Balboa.

- Robin and I will race to Gotham City Bank.
- We'll be there in a trice.

No doubt Riddler intended to
divert us to the wrong banquet.

While he and his vultures no doubt
picked the vault clean at Gotham City Bank.

But underwater?

No doubt a wily
ruse of some kind.

We'll need our Batrespirators.

To the Batmobile.

While the champions of justice
race to the Gotham City Bank...

the Riddler and his frogmen are
already at work in its watery vault room.

Flooded per their wily ruse
to keep from being followed.

Worked like a charm, Riddler.
- Why not?

There's a difference between
a Batman and a frogman.

One quick stop and then
let's go dry our money.

Another bulletin from Riddler?

I'm afraid so, Robin.

And look at this.

Only Riddler and his ilk would have such
a flagrant disregard for private property.

This door will
have to be repaired.

Not to mention the fortune
he's stolen from the vault.

What does that giggling
gorilla have to say this time?

Another one of his
canny conundrums.

"When is a man
drowned but still not wet?"

Back in the soon-to-be-opened
Noman Jigsaw Puzzle Factory...

the Prince of Puzzlers
tallies his ill-gotten gains.

One million five
hundred thousand.

One million five hundred
thousand and one.

A million and a half bucks.

I never thought I'd see
that much loot at one time.

Yeah, that's sure
a lot of damp dust.

It's only half of what we need.

Well, it's plenty
for us, Riddler.

You shallow-brained simpletons,
where's your imagination? Your ambition?

Why do I have to
keep reminding you?

Three million dollars will buy us a w*apon
so awesome, so destructive, so terrifying...

the Gotham City fathers will get
down on their miserable knees...

and offer me
anything not to use it.

The entire city will
be mine, mine, mine!

Well, I suppose Batman and Robin are
just gonna fold up their capes and retire.

Yeah, what about them, Riddler?

Caped Crusaders will be
wherever it is Caped Crusaders go...

when they're dead.

That is if you two lackwits
haven't bungled your assignment.

- Well, we did just what you told us, Riddler.
- Without a hitch.

All right, all right.

Professor Avery Evans
Charm, a genius and my friend.

An artful contrivance.

I congratulate you.

A mere toy compared to
some of your devices, professor.

Is your fundraising campaign
going well, Mr. Riddler?

See for yourself.

Beautiful.

I'll say.

- One million five hundred thousand.
- And one.

I can't wait to put my
Demolecularizer in your hands...

and watch the members of the
Gotham City Science Institute...

quake at my handiwork.

They still won't let
you join, professor?

I'm a high school dropout.

So am I.

Oh. When will you
have the $3 million?

You won't be waiting
long, professor.

Ere set of sun, all Batman's anniversary
money will be in these two hands.

And the masked man hunters
just an unpleasant memory.

When is a man
drowned but still not wet?

Unaware of the ghastly
fate that awaits them...

the Caped Crusaders struggle valiantly
to solve the Riddler's latest conundrum.

Nothing?

Nothing. I'm beginning to think
this riddle doesn't have an answer.

You may be onto
something, Robin.

There is a tack
we haven't tried yet.

- Uh, begging your pardon, sir.
- Yes, Alfred?

Forgive me for interrupting
your celebration, sir...

but, uh, I felt that I ought to remind
you of your appointment at the bakery.

- The bakery?
- Yes, sir.

I understand that the
Gotham City Baker's Guild...

has prepared a rather
unique cake in your honor...

and wishes you and
Master Robin to, uh, pose...

for the sculptured, uh, marshmallow figures
of yourselves which will top the confection.

How could I have
forgotten? Thank you, Alfred.

My pleasure, sir.

Let's go, Robin.

We'll continue our attempts to fathom
Riddler's cryptogram while posing.

Right. Change of
scenery may turn the trick.

Now, that's what I call a cake.

Yes, it is rather
formidable, isn't it?

Batman.

Robin.

Gee, it sure was decent of you
fellas to come all the way down here...

to pose for your
marshmallow statues.

We're flattered we were asked.

Oh, it was nothing.

Now, you're probably in a rush to get to
your Gotham Square Park appointment...

so I'll be just
as fast as I can.

Now, all you have to do is
go up to the top of the cake...

and you stand in the center
with your hands at your sides.

It doesn't take long to
carve marshmallows.

That's the second appointment
we've forgotten today, Robin...

the final ceremony at
Gotham Square Park.

In which the funds accumulated in our honor
will be turned over to our favorite charity.

Riddler's latest brain
twister has us both dizzy.

Breathe deeply.

Perhaps a breath of fresh
air will clear our minds.

Here we go, Batman.

We're sinking, Batman.

Congratulations, Bat brain,
you've risen to the occasion.

Can't get my feet out of
this. It's like quicksand.

It is quicksand, Robin.

Riddler's own prepared mix,
cleverly disguised as strawberry icing.

That's right, you sinking
saps. Quicksand, 15 feet of it.

Call it an anniversary present.

That scurvy fiend.

Sorry I can't stay around to see you
descend into oblivion, pastry faces...

but I have an appointment to keep
with some money at Gotham Square Park.

Happy anniversary to you

Happy anniversary to you

Happy anniversary, dear Batman

Ta-ta.

Happy anniversary to you

I did think it would all end differently,
somehow less ignominiously.

To drown in my own
anniversary cake...

Drown? But in quicksand?

Yes, old chum. Death in
quicksand is technically drowning.

That's it, Batman.

- What, Robin?
- The answer to the riddle.

When is a man
drowned but still not wet?

We'll be drowned, but in
quicksand so we won't get wet.

Excellent. You've done it again.

Mm-hm. Lot of good
it'll do us now, though.