02x59 - Ice Spy

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: The luxury
liner S.S. Gotham Queen...

is only hours out
of Gotham City.

Her passengers are enjoying
a final meal on-board...

little knowing it could
well be their final meal.

- It's been a lovely voyage, Captain Carlisle.
- And a great pleasure for me, Ms. Glaze.

Seldom have I had
a passenger list...

including a world famous ice
skating star such as yourself.

And an international scientist from
Iceland such as Professor Isaacson...

to keep me company.

Your field must be
fascinating, professor.

Just what is this formula
you're taking to Gotham City?

To the world it's a
secret formula, Ms. Glaze.

But to you, it's a formula
for making instant ice.

I'll be working in an advisory capacity
with the Bruce Wayne Foundation.

What a coincidence.

I'm opening tonight in an ice
revue at the Bruce Wayne Ice Arena.

An iceberg?

- Just outside the Gotham City Harbor?
- And dead ahead.

Reverse engines. I'll tell
Captain Carlisle at once.

NARRATOR: But the location of this iceberg
isn't the only strange thing about it.

It's what's inside
the iceberg...

in Mr. Freeze's unique, new
hideout below the water line.

Our iceberg's been sighted.

But too late for the
Gotham Queen, I'm afraid.

Activate the ice magnets. We'll
pull her directly into our iceberg.

And I'm sure we'll be hearing
from Ms. Glacia, shortly.

[WHISPERS] Iceberg.

[SHOUTS] Iceberg?

[ALL CHATTERING]

Professor Isaacson is
at the captain's table...

- in the ship's dining salon, darling.
- Thank you, Glacia.

Good, the ship's almost
against the iceberg.

Get some more men, go up the ice ladders.
When the ship's secure, leap aboard.

Isaacson's at the captain's
table. Bring him back here.

Victory at last.

Soon I'll be able to cover the
entire world with an instant ice cap.

And then you say the kidnappers
disappeared back into the iceberg...

and somehow the Gotham
Queen was released.

We'll ride with the wind,
commissioner. To the Batpoles.

NARRATOR: But while the Batmobile
glissades toward police headquarters...

Mr. Freeze is having his own
icy sport with Professor Isaacson.

Your secret formula for frozen ice,
professor, that's what I want. Where is it?

You mean it isn't written down?

To keep it a secret formula,
it's bottled up in here...

and memory is a strange
and intangible thing...

you frosty-faced fool.

And mine won't work
at your command.

We'll see about that,
professor. Frosty, Chilblains?

Dismantle this hideout.

Remove all evidence of
our ever having been here.

We'll take this perverse professor
back to Gotham City and ice him.

I have a chilling scheme by
which I'll not only gain my ends...

but permanently deep-freeze
the Dynamic Duo. Go.

Ha, ha. Asoulda, darling.

[BARKING]

I am going to take you with me.

This little homing seal
will come in quite handy...

in my little ice escapade.

Saints preserve us, who else could it be
but that ice-devil incarnate, Mr. Freeze?

Nobody else, Chief O'Hara.

Did you talk to the ship's captain after
the Gotham Queen made port, commissioner?

And he had nothing to add
to the preposterous story...

though I may have
anticipated you, Batman.

The liner's passenger list in case
Mr. Freeze had an accomplice aboard.

May we take this passenger list
with us? Might provide us with a clue.

To the Batcave.

It looked as though we were in for
a long cold winter, commissioner.

But now, I think we're due for a
sudden change in the weather.

Begorra.

NARRATOR: While in
Mr. Freeze's present hideout...

directly under the rink of
the Bruce Wayne Ice Arena...

Darling, your
ingenuity is amazing.

Who else would have thought
of a hideaway here of all places?

The jet nozzles in this collar keep me
permanently in a subzero temperature, Glacia...

and allow me to stay alive.

But everyone functions
better in a cool environment.

Speaking of cool environments...

Frosty, what does that thermometer
read in the Quick Freezer?

Two hundred below, boss.
Dead on the cold nose.

Professor Isaacson can't or won't
reveal his secret formula to me.

- I'm freezing it out of him in the Quick Freezer.
- Oh, how lovely.

Well, I must get
upstairs for rehearsal.

I'll be thinking
of you tonight...

while I execute my famous waltzing
arabesque directly over your head.

[SEAL BARKING]

It's time for your
supper, Asoulda.

Soon as it's dark, I have a little
errand for you to go on. Mm?

[BARKING]

[DINGING]

Look at the Batcomputer
work on that passenger list.

Here's the passengers on C-Deck.

All members of a fireplace
equipment dealer's tour.

Unlikely cohorts of Mr. Freeze.

What about this? Suite A,
boat deck, Collin Coldwell?

Mm. An appropriate name,
but Mr. Coldwell is president...

of the Coldwell Furnace
Company and scarcely a suspect.

Emma Strunk.

- What was that?
- Emma Strunk, nothing there.

Just a second, Robin. Emma Strunk,
I believe, was born Emma Strunk...

and later changed her
name to Glacia Glaze.

- Holy ice skates.
- Exactly.

A world renown skating queen.

No doubt she booked passage...

under the name of Emma
Strunk in order to avoid publicity.

Once onboard of course, she
would have been recognized.

Yes, old chum, I have
a strange feeling...

That Glacia Glaze was Mr. Freeze's
accomplice on the Gotham Queen.

But what would a talented, beautiful,
famous star like Glacia Glaze...

see in frostbitten Freeze?

The famous Rabelais has already answered
that for you, Robin, with his great wit.

"To each his own," as the woman
said when she kissed her cow.

Gosh, Batman, that's
sure great wit, all right.

And this could be just the break
we and Bruce Wayne are looking for.

- Bruce Wayne?
- Ms. Glaze is opening...

in a new ice revue tonight at
the Bruce Wayne Ice Arena.

In fact, Mr. Wayne is
taking Mrs. Harriet Cooper...

a devotee of Ms. Glaze's...

backstage before the performance
to meet the dazzling star.

While d*ck Grayson, I suppose, stays
home and works on his essay on glaciers?

Right again, Robin.

Bonnie, the next time you
send in an unannounced visitor...

you'd better send a t*nk of water
and some live fish along with him.

[SEAL BARKING]

But this was attached
to one of its flippers.

Suffering icicles, it's a list
of demands from Mr. Freeze.

He's holding Professor
Isaacson for ransom.

At midnight, millionaire Bruce
Wayne, head of the Wayne Foundation...

- is to make a televised broadcast...
- From this office.

GORDON: that the
money is ready to be paid.

O'HARA: He'll only deal
directly with Batman and Robin.

They're to be ready at midnight too
to act as intermediaries, otherwise...

Otherwise it may be the blackest midnight
that Gotham City has ever known, Chief O'Hara.

I'll call Batman
on the red phone.

- You get Mr. Wayne on the other.
- Right.

Yes, commissioner?

Mr. Freeze wants what?

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello? I'll see if I can
get him, Chief O'Hara.

A moment, commissioner.

Chief O'Hara, this
is Bruce Wayne.

Mr. Freeze wants what?

Commissioner Gordon is on the
other phone with Batman, Mr. Wayne.

Perhaps if we put the two phones
together, you could talk to him yourself.

All right, chief. I
don't have much time.

[SEAL BARKS]

Batman? Yes, Mr. Wayne.

Have you heard Mr. Freeze's
scurrilous demands?

Just briefly.

If Robin and I act
as go-betweens...

are you prepared to make the telecast at
midnight and pay the ransom, Mr. Wayne?

I have no choice, Batman.

I suggest you tape the broadcast
from the commissioner's office...

an hour earlier and we will
have a dummy package of money.

A dummy package of
money. That sounds risky.

Risk is our business, Mr. Wayne.

Of course, Batman, I have the same
faith in you that all of Gotham City has.

I hope Robin and I are
deserving of that faith.

I'll make the arrangements and meet
you at the commissioner's office at 11.

Fine.

- Did you get all that, commissioner?
- Indeed I did, Batman.

We'll set up the taped telecast and have
the dummy package of money waiting.

See you at 11 tonight.

Two fine men, so dissimilar
in many respects, and yet...

Yet so similar in others.

NARRATOR: And presently...

backstage at the Ice Arena, in
the dressing room of Glacia Glaze...

nee, Emma Strunk...

I'm about to go on,
darling. What's happening?

Nothing will happen
until midnight, Glacia.

But if Wayne agrees to my terms and
Batman and Robin deliver the money...

everything's in the ice bag.

And do I have a chilling
clincher for the Caped Crusaders.

Oh, I'll bet you do.

Have you frozen the
professor's formula out of him?

We're about to remove the
professor from the Quick Freezer now.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hello, Glacia? Glacia?
What happened to this thing?

Mr. Wayne couldn't find
the stage manager, Glacia.

I offered to bring him and
Mrs. Cooper to your room.

Thank you, Carol.

How nice to meet you both, but I'm afraid
things are a little chaotic around here.

Your whole day sounded chaotic, Ms.
Glaze. Weren't you on the Gotham Queen?

A ghastly experience, Mr. Wayne.
I'd rather not talk about it.

Of course.

But how lovely you look. And
such a pretty dressing room.

Oh, my, what a darling compact.

FREEZE: Glacia? Glacia, what
happened? I was in the mid...

It talked.

Again? What is wrong
with this instrument?

No, Mrs. Cooper, the
compact didn't talk.

It's a little music box I
picked up in Switzerland.

But now, if you'll excuse me,
I must get out to the wings.

This thing must be broken.

Frosty, Chilblains?

Remove the professor.

He should be stone cold by now.

- You're not even chilly.
- I'm an Icelander, you frostbitten baboon.

A slight drop in temperature
makes little difference to me.

Well, something will make a
difference to you, professor.

I'm going to get this formula out
of you one way or the other. Down.

Get me my dry ice injector.

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING
SWEEPING MUSIC]

That's our cue, Carol. Thank
you both for coming backstage.

- And we certainly hope you enjoy the show.
- Thank you, we will.

Let's hurry to our box, Bruce.
I don't wanna miss a minute.

I have a call to make, Aunt
Harriet. I'll join you shortly.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Excuse me, Mr. Wayne.

The telephone call you were expecting
you can take in the foyer of your box.

- d*ck?
- Yes, Bruce.

I slipped an anti-eavesdrop
Bat-plug into the telephone just in case.

I suggest you do the same.

I already have, and
I've done what you said.

Went down to the Batcave.

Got the Remote Batmobile
Control Phase Advancer.

Went up my Bat-pole,
called a cab...

and I'm in a phone booth in the
back of police headquarters right now.

Good. Activate the Remote
Control Phase Advancer.

Bring the Batmobile into town
and have it parked in that alley.

There's some red lockers outside
of Commissioner Gordon's office.

Put the Bat clothes
in one of them.

I'll meet you at 10:55. Alfred
will take care of Aunt Harriet.

Right.

[ENGINE ROARING]

This is Bruce Wayne, Mr. Freeze.
We've received your message.

And Batman and Robin will make the delivery,
when, where, how and if you so advise us.

In return, we depend on you to
keep your part of the bargain...

and release Professor Isaacson to
the Caped Crusaders. Good evening.

Thank you, gentlemen,
for a difficult task well done.

You sounded like an
old pro, Mr. Wayne.

An old pro, at paying a large
ransom to that contemptible kidnapper?

It's only dummy money,
Mr. Wayne, as Batman suggested.

Yes, I wonder why. I
also wonder where he is.

I've done my job and he told
me himself he would be here.

Well, he will, Mr. Wayne.
No doubt about it.

Probably delayed in traffic.

You can always depend
on the Caped Crusaders.

Yes, I trust that's it. d*ck,
I think we should go now.

You'll let us know what
happens, gentlemen? Excuse us.

He sounded rather unlike
himself. So brisk and brief.

Pressure,
commissioner, gets us all.

- Ah, here you are.
- Good evening. Where's Mr. Wayne?

He just left. Didn't you
bump into him in the hall?

- No.
- Well, that's strange.

Anyway, he pre-taped his telecast
and here's the dummy money.

Good.

- Well, Robin, the Bat-ropes?
- You bet.

The Batmobile's in the
rear alley. We'll save time.

Aren't you gonna stay until
Mr. Freeze hears the broadcast...

and advises us
of the payoff site?

I believe we already have a clue as
to his whereabouts, commissioner.

And the midnight broadcast may
enable us to take him by surprise.

BATMAN: Commissioner,
when you called earlier...

you mentioned something about the
ransom note being delivered by a seal.

Right. He flipped right in here.

Where is the seal?

In a bathtub down
the hall. Why, Batman?

Take this. It's a small
echoing seal pulsator.

It may come in handy later.

- What goes on around here?
- Just be calm, citizen.

I'm no citizen. I'm here from London
for a manufacturers convention.

- Then welcome, sir, to Gotham City.
- You must be that gentleman I've read about.

- Aren't you a king or something?
- Robin, England has no king now.

England has a Queen
and a great lady she is too.

Yes, that she is. But
in a way, the lad is right.

I am sometimes called the
King, Carpet King, that is.

ROBIN: Holy floor covering.
- Very apt, Robin.

And speaking of floors, I think we should
be dropping down a few more right now.

Good evening, sir.

We have second story men in
England, but this is ridiculous.

Frosty, Chilblains?

Put the professor
in the Quick Freezer.

With his veins full of dry
ice, something may happen.

Ah, Glacia.

The audience just
wouldn't let me go, darling.

My famous waltzing arabesques
were better than ever...

but I just had to be here with you at midnight
to watch millionaire Bruce Wayne's broadcast.

Just one minute to go.

Let's warm this thing up.

If you'll excuse the expression.

BRUCE [ON TV]: This is
Bruce Wayne, Mr. Freeze.

We've received your message and
Batman and Robin will make the delivery...

when, where, how
and if you so advise us.

- Are making the delivery and right now.
- Switch it off.

How could you
have found us here?

I have not yet called the
Commissioner Gordon.

Found you we have.

Here's the money.

- Phony.
- As phony as you, Mr. Freeze?

The g*n.

- Your Freeze g*n is useless.
- Ha-ha-ha.

Thanks to the super-thermalized
Bat-skivvies we're wearing.

Skivvies?

Icemen, to the att*ck!

[ALL GRUNTING]

Push them into the Quick
Freezer with the professor.

Better yet, toss them into the
vaporizing transparent pipe pump.

[LAUGHING]

Ah, ha, ha! Follow me, Icemen.

Now, Glacia...

all I have to do is turn on the
sub-zero temperature gauge.

And when they've
cooled down a little...

I will activate the
vaporizing pipe pump...

and evaporate the caped
double-crossers directly under the ice...

of the Bruce Wayne Ice Arena.

Imagine, Glacia, being able to do
your famous waltzing arabesques...

directly on Batman and Robin.

Behold, they are
beginning to frost up already!

[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]