02x60 - The Duo Defy

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: When last seen,
the Dynamic Duo was trapped...

in a large vaporizing pipe in
Mr. Freeze's frosty hideout...

beneath the Bruce
Wayne Ice Arena.

With his hand on the controls,
Mr. Freeze was in the process...

of lowering their temperature...

and then vaporizing them into
the Bruce Wayne Ice Rink above.

Did he?

Has he?

Will he?

In one chilling
moment we'll find out.

As soon as that tube is
completely frost-covered...

which will mean that the Caped
Crackpots are ready and chilling...

then I will activate this
vaporizing pipe pump...

and Batman and Robin will be a
permanent part of the ice rink upstairs!

And it won't be long now.

Gosh, Batman, I've heard
of people freezing to death...

in places like Siberia, but
not in the heart of Gotham City.

Keep working on that
reverse thermal Bat Lozenge...

I gave you, Robin, it
might do some good.

Will it keep me from vaporizing?

I doubt it.

What a ghastly way to go.

How long will it take?

Under the right conditions,
and with the right temperature...

even solid matter, the human body
can be vaporized in a split second.

ROBIN: That's not very long. Batman,
I feel like I'm evaporating right now!

BATMAN: As far as
Mr. Freeze is concerned, you are.

Well, the tube is completely
frost covered, so...

- Darling...
- This is no time to get cold feet, Glacia.

The countdown's
over, time for blast-off!

[MACHINERY WHIRRING]

Ah.

They're gone.

Of course they're gone.

And all the frosting
in the tube with them!

One moment Masked Meddlers,
the next moment Cold Crepes!

Pumped like any other freezing
mixture right into the ice rink upstairs!

Speaking of ice, boss, what
about their Professor Isaacson?

Take him out of the Quick
Freezer once again, Boys.

Let's see if we're making
headway in that department.

Well, professor.

I'm sure your native Iceland
seldom has a temperature...

as low as that in
my Quick Freezer.

What's the temperature?

- Two hundred degrees below zero.
- Two hundred degrees below zero.

[STAMMERING]
I admit it was cool.

You think you could remember a
little more of your secret formula now?

I don't know, I... I think you've
frozen my memory, as well as me.

Well, then perhaps another
injection of dry ice might help?

Not that again, please,
please, please. I'll... I'll try.

- I'll try.
- All right, come on.

[STAMMERING INDISTINCTLY]

They're double-crossers,
all of them.

Bruce Wayne, Batman, Robin.

I wouldn't blame Mr. Wayne,
darling, I'm sure he's a man of his word.

- When I met him earlier tonight...
- You met him earlier? Where?

He came backstage
before the performance.

- Alone?
- No, he had Mrs. Harriet Cooper with him.

A charming lady. If only
she hadn't picked up my...

Picked up what,
Glacia? Picked up what?

My compact.

So that's what was happening when
all the time I thought this was broken!

You know what
you've done, don't you?

I didn't do anything.

I said it was a
little music box.

Some music box, it sang a
song of underground hideouts...

beneath ice skating rinks.

Bruce Wayne is no idiot, I'm sure
he's worked out some clever scheme...

so that Batman and Robin can bring the
professor back without paying any ransom.

- Well, it didn't work.
- No.

But if Bruce Wayne knows
where I am, so does the police.

- And if the departed duo don't return...
- Well, I told you not to vaporize them.

There's plenty of ice
in the ice rink already.

Yes, there's plenty, and far safer
ice floating in Gotham Harbor!

Frosty, Chillbrain!

Take the professor
back to the ice wagon.

We are going in the ice sub to
the hideout in Gotham Harbor.

Where I'll demand a far greater
ransom from the professor...

or else I'll destroy
all of Gotham City!

What about Asoulda? You know
your seal, she's never come back.

We'll just have to
sacrifice Asoulda.

Just another expendable
seal. Take him.

- Come on, Glacia.
- But, darling...

what about the ice revue and
my famous waltzing arabesque?

Glacia, take your
choice. Your career or me.

I have no choice, darling.

NARRATOR: But what's this?
Something stirring in the seal house...

when we know Asoulda's in a
bathtub at Police Headquarters?

The es-Caped Crusaders?

It's a cold fact all right.

Holy escape hatch.

Yes, Robin, most refrigeration
systems as large as this one...

in the Bruce Wayne Ice
Arena have emergency exits.

It's lucky you remembered the one
behind that vaporizing tube when you did.

You're seldom wrong, old chum, but a
split second is longer than you realize.

Long enough for Mr. Freeze
so that he split too, I see.

Not without taking
Professor Isaacson with him...

and his frosty confederates
and Emma Strunk.

- You mean, Glacia Glaze?
- No, Robin, Emma Strunk.

No, you mean Glacia Glaze.

No, Emma Strunk. Glacia Glaze
is far too charming a pseudonym...

for one of her
chilling corruption.

- To the Bat Cave?
- And up the Bat Poles.

The Bat Poles?

[YAWNING] Even crime
fighters need their sleep, Robin.

While those crooks
just stay away from us?

Don't worry, Robin, Mr. Freeze
will be frozen in his tracks...

before we're through
with him. Let's go.

NARRATOR: But what's this?
On the dawn of a new day...

not just one iceberg, but a sea of
icebergs off Gotham City Harbor.

- How we doing, boss?
- Fine, boys.

Our ice magnets have
attracted every iceberg...

from the South Pole
to the Arctic Circle.

Now no one will be able
to tell which is our iceberg.

Now, professor,
how are you doing?

I'm done. Here's my secret formula.
As nearly as I can remember it.

How does this work?

How does what work?

- How does this formula work?
- I don't know how it works.

I worked out the formula, but I
never did work out how it works.

You...

Darling.

Aren't you being a little rough
on poor Professor Isaacson?

Poor Professor Isaacson will
become rich Professor Isaacson, Glacia.

If we can put his secret formula to
use for our own gains, we'll all be rich.

The world will be yours, Glacia.

- Mine.
- Of course, don't you see the potential?

The Kremlin will be a
cold water flat in a second.

The White House an icebox.

We would control everything
from cold cream to cold wars...

and all the lovely ice in the
world will sparkle on your fingers...

- and dangle from your ears.
- You mean ice like in diamonds, darling?

No, Glacia, I mean
ice like in icing.

That secret formula will
be the frosting on the cake...

and the cake will
be the universe.

Well, then, professor...

Go, Glacia, go.

Yes, Governor Stonefellow?

[STONEFELLOW SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY OVER PHONE]

Yes, Governor Stonefellow?

Yes, Governor Stonefellow.

[GORDON GROANS]

- A little problem, commissioner?
- A little problem? Ha!

Everything that has happened
before, Chief O'Hara...

everything that happened
yesterday, last night.

The near disaster to
the Gotham Queen.

The apparent kidnapping
of Glacia Glaze.

The astounding buildup of
icebergs outside Gotham Harbor.

Even the strange disappearance
of the Caped Crusaders themselves.

- Ha, ha. Insignificant, trivial, paltry.
- It is?

- Peanuts, popcorn, a pinch of snuff.
- It is?

Child's play, a brass farthing.

Uh, it is, commissioner?

Compared to the word just
received from the nation's capital.

The Chief Executive was
just beginning an address...

to Congress. When he
looked at his teleprompter...

what do you think he saw?

- His speech.
- No.

In some diabolical way, perhaps a
thermodynamic ice ray beam of some kind...

his speech on the
teleprompter had become frozen.

And in its place was a
message from Mr. Freeze.

Bless me suspender buttons.

Saying that this city,
this state, this country...

would be returned to the Ice
Age in a matter of moments...

Unless we capitulated to
all his demands, at once.

Uh, well, what are his demands?

Oh, that's just it, Chief O'Hara,
he said to prepare ourselves...

for a little sample of
what he had in mind.

And then prepare to pay.

Well, where did they
think that this, uh...

thermodynamic ice gizmo
was being beamed from?

One of the hundreds of icebergs
now lying off Gotham Harbor.

Well, what about the Coast
Guard, the... The Ice Patrol?

Understaffed, overworked.

There must be some solution.

The solution, as always, rests in
hands other than ours, Chief O'Hara.

Oh, Batman, wherefore art thou?

[BEEPING]

Whereforever he are,
commissioner, he heard you.

Yes!

Yes, Batman?

I probably should have checked in earlier,
commissioner, but we had a busy night.

- Mr. Freeze escaped us.
- I am aware of that, Batman.

But we'll now use every
means at our command...

and there are many,
to track him down.

Well, hurry, Batman, hurry,
time now belongs to Mr. Freeze.

It no longer belongs to us.

But so does the Thermodynamic Ice Ray
Beam constructed in his icy Noah's Ark...

under the direction
of Professor Isaacson.

You are a genius to
have made this, professor.

Out of the odds and
ends in this iceberg.

Genius, Miss Glaze, is the
talent of a man who is dead.

And the Ice Ray Beam isn't dead.

Now to give Gotham City a
small sample of how it works.

NARRATOR: And how it works.

Frozen assets, frozen pipes...

frozen waste.

Even in the Bat Cave.

Holy chill blades, look at
the Batcomputer, Batman.

I am, old chum, I am.

Frozen to its very marrow.

- But how, why?
- No doubt, Mr. Freeze is up to another...

diabolical thermodynamic
experiment...

At the risk of sending cold
shivers down your back, sir...

Mrs. Cooper has just heard a
most chilling morning broadcast.

Say no more, Alfred.

Yes, Batman?

Arrange a broadcast to
Mr. Freeze, commissioner.

Tell him... Tell him we await
his demands whatever they are.

In the meantime, is that seal still in
the bathtub in Police Headquarters?

Yeah, flipping merrily away.

Good. Do you have the
Seal Bat Signal I gave you?

The small echoing seal pulsator?

Uh, yes, Batman,
it's right here.

Excellent. Attach it to
one of the seal's flippers.

Then release the
seal in Gotham Harbor.

No doubt it will home
for Mr. Freeze's iceberg...

and we'll pick up its
wavelength in the Batcopter.

Right, Batman.

ROBIN: Picked up the
seal's pulsator yet, Batman?

BATMAN: We're still over land, Robin,
and a seal is an aquatic marine mammal.

ROBIN: Gosh, yes,
Batman, I forgot.

Anything now?

BATMAN: I think I got a slight
blip from the Seal Bat Signal.

Asoulda seems to be heading
through Gotham Narrows.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile,
in his refrigerated refuge...

Mr. Freeze and his
frosty flunkies work out...

Our demands.

Can you think of anything else?

The, the part I like, boss, is that
complete guarantee of immunity.

The part I like is all
that ice like in diamonds.

Fifty million dollars is
not to be sneezed at.

Though of course,
I never catch cold.

Aren't you skating on thin ice? How
do you expect payment to be made?

By Batman and Robin, of course.

Frosty, you seem to forget, the
Dynamic Duo are now defunct.

Oh, that's right,
part of an ice rink.

I guess we can call them now,
the Vaporized Vanquishers, eh?

[LAUGHS]

Eh, boss?

That's not bad, Frosty.
"Vaporized Vanquishers."

[CHUCKLES]

That's not bad.

[ALL LAUGHING]

ROBIN: Now where's
the seal, Batman?

BATMAN: Heading to the iceberg
in that floating mass ahead of us.

Take a look.

ROBIN: Holy polar ice sheet.

BATMAN: We'll drop down
but I don't think we can land on it.

You'd better inflate
the Bat Pontoons.

Check the compass and advise
Commissioner Gordon of our location.

He and his men may have to
come out by Coast Guard icebreaker.

Ready, old chum?

ROBIN: You bet.
BATMAN: Here we go.

What do you mean the Coast
Guard doesn't have an icebreaker?

We've never needed
one, commissioner.

With Gotham Harbor
completely blocked by icebergs...

wouldn't you say
we needed one now?

Uh, I don't know where I
could put my finger on one.

Well, put your finger on
one, I don't care where.

What's that?

My parker, commissioner.
Here's yours.

That's P-A-R-K-A, Chief O'Hara.

It's a hooded Siberian
and Alaskan outer garment.

Well, I'm no hooded
Siberian, but, how do I look?

In this particular case it isn't
appearance that counts, Chief O'Hara.

And you needn't have put it on
until you get aboard the icebreaker.

If you go aboard the icebreaker.

Just trying it on for size.

Ahem, Bonnie, please call my
daughter Barbara at college...

ask her to take a later plane.

I wanna meet her of course,
but I have some cool facts...

to face before I
get to the airport.

Uh, okay, Nanook, let's go.

[BARKING]

Hey, boss, look
who's in here. Asoulda.

MR. FREEZE: Asoulda.

I told you she
was a homing seal.

Homing? Homing?

Darling, what's the matter?

This could be
some kind of trick.

It is some kind of a trick.

The Batcopter's landed
just outside the iceberg.

The Batcopter?

Yes, Glacia, but please, don't
ask questions which I can't answer.

Frosty. Frosty, Chillbrain,
activate the ice magnets.

We'll pull that Batcopter
right into the iceberg.

Just the way we did
the Gotham Queen.

BATMAN: I doubt
that, Mr. Freeze.

Salvation.

How did you keep
from being vaporized?

How did you land outside the iceberg
and get on it without me seeing you?

How did you find the
entrance to the ice ladders?

Oh, darling, stop
spitting ice cubes.

It was really quite simple,
Mr. Freeze, thanks to ingenuity...

your homing seal, our Ice
Batarangs and our Ice Bat Ropes.

ROBIN: And our Reverse
Thermal Bat Lozenges.

So you see, Mr. Freeze,
you're the one who's on ice.

The g*n.

Ah-ah. Didn't you learn last night that
your freeze g*n has no effect on us?

Not with our super-thermalized Bat
Skivvies under our regular clothes.

Icemen, to the att*ck.

Put them on ice! Ice!

Put them on ice. No, you
fool, get back into the battle.

Glacia, I'm getting
out of here...

even though normal temperature
may mean my death in spite of my collar.

Maybe not your death, Mr. Freeze, but
at least a good long cooling off period.

In our local Siberia. Take
him away, Officer Sherman.

- Don't touch the
dials. GLACIA: Darling.

- Her too, Batman?
- I'm afraid so, commissioner.

- Emma Strunk is as guilty as the rest of them.
- Emma Strunk?

I'm Glacia Glaze, Batman.

To the world of the rich and renowned,
such as millionaire Bruce Wayne...

you may be known
as Glacia Glaze.

But to the world of the crime
fighter you're known as Emma Strunk.

Batman, if ever you
see Mr. Wayne...

and he asks about
me and Mr. Freeze...

would you tell him
something Rabelais once said?

Rabelais, of course.

"To each his own, as the woman
said when she kissed her cow."

- All right, all right.
- Well, Batman, you've done it again.

I don't know how to begin to
express Gotham City's thanks.

In this case, Gotham City owes most
of its thanks to a certain homing seal.

- Gosh, yes.
- Asoulda.

[BARKING]

In fact, she deserves more than
thanks, she deserves a special reward.

Where'd you get a
live fish, Batman?

A true crime fighter always carries everything
he needs in his utility belt, Robin.

Bruce, Christmas sure
came early this year.

Yes, it did, d*ck,
thanks to Aunt Harriet.

I don't know how you
constructed this playroom...

as a surprise without us
knowing about it, Aunt Harriet.

Or this slot car raceway.
It's the coolest, Aunt Harriet.

Well, Alfred was a big help.

And speaking of cool, d*ck, can
you guess what I've named my car?

- What?
- Glacia Glaze.

And I think it's the
prettiest car on the raceway.

That's a good reason, Aunt Harriet.
I've named mine Emma Strunk.

- Emma Strunk.
- For purely personal reasons, Aunt Harriet.

- What about you, d*ck?
- I think I'll call mine Asoulda.

How Wagnerian, d*ck. Romantic.

Alfred, what did
you name your car?

Mine seems to have run
into a bit of trouble, Madam.

So, uh, I think I'll
call it Mr. Freeze.

Mercy alive, that terrible man.

When I think of all the trouble he caused
and the problems so many people have.

Like you, Bruce, with
your Wayne Foundation...

and you, d*ck, with that
essay on the glaciers.

My, I'm just so glad that I
thought of this playroom.

And this slot car raceway.

Yes, Aunt Harriet, at least for a little
while we can forget our worries. Ah!

d*ck: And have some fun.