03x12 - The Foggiest Notion

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: Another
crystal-clear day in Londinium.

Though things are
getting a bit thick...

in Superintendent Watson's
office in venerable Ireland Yard.

Before we left Ffogg Place, we had ample
evidence that Lord Ffogg and Lady Peasoup...

could be the culprits you called us
here from Gotham City to uncover.

The Delayed-Action Knock-Out Fog Capsule
that exploded in the Batmobile cinched it.

Luckily, our General Emergency
Batextinguisher took care of that.

Do you suppose those highwaymen
might have planted something similar...

on Batgirl's Cycle, Batman?

Batgirl's Cycle?

Yes, she turned up
outside Ffogg Place.

Don't ask me how or
why or where she went.

We never really saw her Batgirl
Cycle. Remember, old chum?

She may have escaped
completely unscathed.

But how can Lord Ffogg be
involved in these robberies, Batman?

With his gout so bad?
You saw his foot yourself.

Possibly an act.

Well, was it an act too...

that Lady Peasoup invited Ms. Gordon,
the commissioner's own daughter...

to join the faculty of Ffogg
Place even for a short while?

I strongly recommend
she does not accept.

And I strongly recommend
that we do not offend...

one of the most aristocratic
families in the land.

Holy gullibility. Pardon me,
commissioner, but she's headed for trouble.

Lady Prudence, Lord
Ffogg's daughter...

Barbara, your ears must be burning.
We were just talking about you.

Favorably, I trust.

Your secretary asked me to bring
this parcel in to Batman, superintendent.

It just arrived and she
said I needn't knock... Huh!

Look out, Batman, it's smoking.

Yes, it seems about to explode.

You better all stand back.

[BELL RINGS]

Three silver bells.

Holy tintinnabulation.

They're pretty. But
what could they mean?

It could be a clue of some kind.

Or a come-on.

Exactly, Robin.

Superintendent, isn't there a
famous pub somewhere in Londinium...

named the Three Bells?

Oh, indeed there is, Batman.

On the river in the dock area.

Many's the pint of wallop
I have there. Ha, ha.

Or had, I should say,
before the hippies took over.

- Hippies?
- The mod set. Barnaby Street.

They've taken over
the Three Bells.

Is there some kind of objective there that
a canny criminal might be interested in?

Well, uh, ships loading and unloading
in the dock area nearby. But wait.

There's a ship due to leave the
dock near the Three Bells late today.

With a cargo of materials and patterns from
Barnaby Street, bound for our dominions.

Holy rising hemlines.

Are we being dared to stop a
robbery of miniskirts, Batman?

NARRATOR: And
shortly at Ffogg Place...

Our possible hostage is arriving
any minute now, Marmaduke.

And I don't see why the girls and I
are expected to go down to the docks...

and be by the Three Bells.

It was your idea, my sweet, to lift that cargo
bound for the dominions from Barnaby Street.

Yes, but that was before we decided
to fog in on the Crown Jewels...

in the Tower of Londinium.

A master plan involves various
stages of preparation, Penelope.

This stage involves not only the
purloining of a shipment of material...

thereby controlling the
fashion world of Londinium...

but getting rid of
Batman once and for all.

Batman, who, if he has
received my pungent parcel...

should be in the Three Bells.

Ms. Gordon, Your Ladyship.

How nice to see you
again, Ms. Gordon.

But I'm afraid we've had
a slight change of plan.

The girls and I have
to run into Londinium...

and Lord Ffogg has an
appointment in the city too.

I'm so glad to see your
gout is better, Lord Ffogg.

My gout? Oh, yes.

It always improves with
the change of weather.

Well, I'll have a chance to meet
the rest of the faculty, anyway.

PEASOUP: I am the rest
of the faculty, Ms. Gordon.

Along with Lady
Prudence, of course.

Speaking of Lady Prudence, sister dear, I
think she should remain here with Ms. Gordon.

I think she'll show Ms. Gordon
everything Ms. Gordon should be shown.

And now that we've gotten you all the way out
to Ffogg Place, we're not going to let you go.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile
in Londinium's dock area...

This is the pub, old chum.

And that appears to be the ship.

With its cargo from
Barnaby Street.

Let's go.

Not you, Robin.

They have strict licensing
laws in this country.

A boy of your age is
not allowed in a tavern.

But if it's been taken over
by the hippies and mod set...

You're far from mod, Robin.

And many hippies
are older than you are.

Why don't you wait by the Batmobile? I have
a hunch that you'll be of good use there.

You'll know where to
find me if you need me.

Right, Batman.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]

A far cry from the old
days, Your Lordship.

It was more fun when the Three Bells
was full of foot pegs and cutthroats.

- Aye, me folks used to come here then.
- The world changes, fellows.

Skirts go up and beards grow out,
but a pound note still does its job.

MAN: Yeah, you're right. Sure.

Batman.

Batman, indeed.

Delighted to see that your
gout has cleared up, Lord Ffogg.

You're the second observant
person I've met today.

- Would you care to join us in a tankard?
- I don't drink.

Not to drink, old boy? What
are you doing in this pub?

I suspect you can
answer that better than I.

No doubt I can.

[SHOUTING AND GRUNTING]

Very agile, Batman, but hardly
observant. Otherwise you'd have realized...

that every person in this pub knows
where his next meal is coming from.

NARRATOR: And while the
Caped Crusader is cornered...

- Oh, it's Robin, the Boy Wonder.
- Oh.

I'm out of my skin.

You're out of your mind.

He's cut the boat loose.

It's drifting away.

With all those
crazy mod materials.

Use your wits, girls,
as you've been taught.

- You too, Duchess.
- Groovy.

You 20th-century
witch, Lady Peasoup.

You know I wouldn't fight a female.
Even a small army of females.

Spoken like a true
gentleman, Boy Wonder.

Gosh, what marvelous threads.

[ALL SHOUTING]

PEASOUP: Now, now, now,
girls, stop gushing and pick him up.

We must get out of here.

NARRATOR: Back in their
rendezvous outside Ffogg Place...

I don't understand that
Lady Prudence, Alfred.

Lord Ffogg's daughter.

But I strongly suspect Lady Peasoup
is running a school for gentlecrooks...

not gentlewomen.

- She told you that?
- Not in so many words.

But I think there's strong
feeling between her and her aunt.

And Lady Prudence could be playing all sides
against each other for reasons of her own.

- How did you get away?
- It wasn't easy. I'll explain later.

Now, back to the city
to report to your father?

No, back to Lord
Ffogg's Cricket Pavilion.

It's the only place she didn't show
me, and I may learn something from it.

Lord Ffogg allows no one but
his sister and himself inside it.

And I'm not at all sure
that I can allow you, miss.

Batgirl can take
care of herself, Alfred.

But you can do something for me.

Get a message to my father telling him I'll
be staying here later than I'd expected.

And ask him to alert Batman.

- Can you do that?
- I can certainly try, miss.

NARRATOR: So it's back to
being Batgirl for Barbara Gordon.

And in due time...

slipping into the forbidden
Cricket Pavilion at Ffogg Place.

"Count of Claremont's
coin collection."

"Duchess of
Desborough's diamonds."

"Her Majesty's
priceless snuffboxes."

And "Lady Easterland's
jeweled Easter eggs."

NARRATOR: But whose
side is Prudence on?

While in the Three Bells pub...

By now, Lady Peasoup should
be in control of the boat's cargo.

She should be in control of Barnaby
Street and the Londinium world of fashions.

A step closer to the king of
crime mounting a suitable throne...

and wearing the Crown Jewels.

So we may leave and
leave Batman here.

MAN 1: Here, Your Lordship? Aren't
you asking for a spot of trouble, sir?

MAN 2: Blimey. FFOGG:
Don't worry, mates.

Dynamic Dolt will remember nothing of what
has happened when I get through with him.

Thanks to this
remarkable device...

which when fastened to
his skull and activated...

will reverse the
recollection center.

I know nothing about your
remarkable device, Lord Ffogg.

But your grisly game is almost up. Proof of
your villainy is inscribed indelibly on my mind.

Which will shortly be erased.

Hold his head still.

Behold. No man has ever been more
fogbound than Batman at this very moment.

You may untie him. He may not be
able to move for a moment or two...

but when he does, his
mind will be completely blank.

A pretty puzzlement for
our friends at Ireland Yard.

Toodle-loo, old boy.

Good gracious, sir.
What's happened to you?

I don't know.

Who are you, sir?

Who am I?

I better get you to
the Batcave at once.

Batcave?

Yes. You know, the
Londinium Batcave.

Whatever's happened
to Master Robin?

Robin?

Well, never mind that.
We'll talk about that later.

Now, you just get into this car.

Come on.

That's it.

I'll drive.

It appears, sir, that you're suffering
from a severe loss of memory.

Fortunately, however, I packed
the Recollection Cycle Bat Restorer...

for this little overseas trip.

Now, sit down, sir.

It won't take a minute.

Here we go.

I don't know about this.

You may hear a bit
of a buzzing at first.

[WHIRRING]

Aah! Of course. I
remember everything now.

You're Alfred, I'm Batman.

But what could have
happened to Robin?

I remember leaving
him in front of that pub...

to guard the boat with
Barnaby Street's materials.

There was no boat
by that dock, sir.

Yes, I remember.

I remember not seeing the boat, I
remember not seeing Robin, I re...

Possibly he's got in touch...

with Commissioner Gordon
at venerable Ireland Yard.

Good thinking, Alfred. I'll place a call
right now to Superintendent Watson.

Sure, and it was a
fine flight I had over.

And it's a beautiful city you
have here too, superintendent.

I'm only sorry I have to turn
right around and go back home.

Better for you to convey the
minutes of the last meeting...

to Mayor Linseed in person, Chief O'Hara,
rather than trust them to the mails.

I can't argue about
that, commissioner.

There's nothing like
an Irish carrier pigeon.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[PHONE BEEPING]

Venerable Ireland Yard.
Superintendent Watson here.

Oh, hello, Batman.
Oh, yes, of course.

- It's for you, commissioner.
- Yes, Batman?

That perfidious Lord Ffogg trapped
me in the Three Bells pub, commissioner.

While, somehow, the boat for the
dominion's mysteriously vanished.

The boat vanished?

With its cargo of mini cloth?

I'll get the river patrol
on it immediately.

Along with Robin?

No, Batman, I haven't heard a
word from him. But are you all right?

Never better.

I'll get back to you.

Nothing.

Nothing.

How did you find me, Alfred?

It concerns Batgirl, sir.

Uh, she's discovered that the finishing
school at Ffogg Manor is for girl criminals.

She's now investigating the
super-secret Cricket Pavilion there.

She thought you ought to know.

- But how did you...?
- And to answer your first question, sir...

I tracked you to the dock area by
the Batmobile Bat-tracking Device.

BATMAN: Good show, Alfred.

About Batgirl...

Ah. So she really is a Batgirl.

Still paralyzed by that paralyzing
gas you turned off, Lady Peasoup.

She'll recover shortly.

And when she does, perhaps she
should find herself in the dungeon...

with her young male
counterpart, Robin.

- You ogress, you vixen.
- Heh. Yes.

Well, the dungeon is
immediately below our gallery.

Ladies first.

[PHONE RINGS]

That must be His Lordship. He's
the only one who knows this number.

Hello, Marmaduke? Where are you?

At my club in Bleet
Street, Penelope.

Did you get that mini material
off the Barnaby Street boat?

No. All we got was
the Boy Wonder.

He cut the hawsers on the
boat and it drifted down the river.

What are you doing in Cricket Pavilion?
I tried every phone at Ffogg Place.

I'm putting him and
Batgirl in the dungeon.

Batgirl?

Bats come in both
sexes, Marmaduke.

And this female of the specie
broke into your treasure trove.

What happened with Batman?

We've taken care of him.

But I have a much better idea
for Robin than that dungeon.

All right, Alfred, I'll respect
your reticence concerning Batgirl.

Thank you, sir.

- Finding Robin is the first order of the day.
- The Batcomputer, sir.

We have no choice.

[BATCOMPUTER DINGS]

There.

"Wonch.

Wench.

Wunch."

It doesn't make sense, Alfred.

Well, perhaps in moving, the
Batcomputer is a bit off-kilter, sir.

[BATCOMPUTER DINGS]

"Winch."

It still doesn't make sense.

It may, sir.

The most prominent winch in Londinium is in
the winch room inside the Tower Bridge...

which operates the mechanism which raises
the arms of the bridge to let ships through.

Which wind you to death
when the next ship comes along.

Torturer, sadist. You're
worse than your sister.

A high compliment. Well, let's go
outside and watch the Boy Wonder die.

- Pip-pip, chin-chin, cheerio. Ha, ha.
- Ha, ha.

NARRATOR: As an approaching
ship starts activating Tower Bridge...

Robin has good
reason to look horrified.

If that ship gets closer to
that bridge, Robin's done for.

Quickly, Alfred, the Anti-Mechanical
Batray in the Bat-glove Compartment.

To save his life, we'll have to zero the
Bat-ray in on the mechanical apparatus...

and render them useless.

Something's happened.

- The blooming bridge has stopped moving.
- Blimey.

Oh, we'd better get back
to the winch room, governor.

Tally-ho, away we go.

- Batman. How'd you get here?
- Down a bascule.

- Bascule?
- Yes, an escapement in which...

the detent is mounted
on a pivotal axis.

The Dynamic Destroyer.

About to destroy
you, Lord Ffogg.

[GRUNTING AND SHOUTING]

That pipe.

Exactly, Batman.

My pipe of fog.

NARRATOR: What's this?

Batman and Robin fogbound in
the winch room of Tower Bridge?

And Batgirl still paralyzed by paralyzing
fog in the dungeon of Ffogg Place?

By Jove, it's disturbing.

By Jove, it's exciting.

By Jove, it's mystifying.

By Jove, watch the next episode.

By Jove.