Starring Lucille Ball.
Costarring Gale Gordon.
But Mr. Mooney,
we're old friends.
Why can't you give me a job?
Mrs. Carmichael, I
know we are old friends,
but working for a bank
is a big responsibility.
It calls for people
who are dependable.
Well, I was a private
secretary for Mr. Miller.
He's the president of
the Pop Record Company.
And just how long did that last?
Uh...
A whole week.
And when his girl came
back and he had to let me go,
he had tears in his eyes.
I'll bet he had tears in his
eyes before he let you go.
Oh, Mr. Mooney.
I am a very good secretary,
and I happen to have one of
the most important qualities
that you can find
in a good employee.
What's that?
I need the money.
Do you think you
could conduct yourself
with the dignity and efficiency
that reflects the
image of our bank?
Mr. Mooney, I assure you
that I am perfectly capable
of performing my duties
with the utmost
dignity and propriety.
Well, in that case, you may
consider yourself employed.
Oh, hooray!
Oh, Mr. Mooney!
Mrs. Carmichael!
Oh.
I mean, I am most appreciative
of your consideration.
That's much better.
Oh, you'll never
regret this, Mr. Mooney.
You know, there are so many
things that I can do for you.
Never... touch the
papers on my desk.
Well, I just wanted to clean...
And never touch my pipe!
That's your desk over there.
That's where you belong.
Yes, sir.
Mr. Mooney, how
much does this job pay?
$14 a day.
How much is that a week?
Let's not count our chickens
before they're hatched.
Now, then, you can start off
by doing an important
errand for me.
Oh, yes, sir.
I want you to take this contract
to Mr. Katz at the
television station
and get his signature.
Yes, sir. Mr. Katz,
television station.
And you have it back here
before the escrow
department closes at 3:00.
Yes, sir, and Mr. Mooney,
I want to thank you
for giving me this opportunity.
- Oh, well...
- Well, you know this job is gonna
mean a lot to my future.
Oh, how's that?
Well, uh, next
time I look for work,
I'll be able to say, "I used to
work for Theodore J. Mooney."
Oh.
Well, if you're
not back by 3:00,
you'll be saying that tomorrow.
Oh.
Mrs. Carmichael...?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Mrs. Carmichael!
What?
Oh. I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Could you tell me what
floor Mr. Katz is on, please?
- Oh, third floor.
- Thank you.
But he's not up there.
Uh, Mr. Katz and his
secretary are both out to lunch.
Oh, well, do you know
when they'll be back?
No, but if you want to
sit here and wait for him,
I'll let you know
when they come back.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Well, I'm awfully sorry. I-I...
That's all right.
I-I didn't know
anyone was there.
That's all right. I was peeking
in to watch the rehearsal.
- Oh.
- Gee, you're lucky you're a messenger.
You get to go inside.
Messenger? Oh, no,
no, I'm not a messenger.
Uh, this is just a part
I play in the show.
Oh, you're an actor?
Just starting out.
It's-It's only a small part.
There are no small
parts, only small actors.
How true.
Are you an actress?
No, no, but back in Danfield,
I did play the lead
in a play once.
- The lead?
- Yeah.
Gee, I'll bet you were excited.
Oh, yeah. When I
opened my mouth to speak,
I felt such a-a fluttering
going on inside.
Butterflies?
Moths.
Moths?
Yeah, it was outside
in the summertime.
Oh.
I just adore acting.
Yes, I love acting, too.
So you'll excuse me.
I'd better study my part.
Oh, would you like to
have me help you study?
Oh, well, thanks. I-I
don't want to trouble you.
Oh, it'll be no trouble
at all. I'd love to do it.
Well, okay. Uh, let's see.
Now, uh, let's see.
Uh, uh, uh, the...
You be Danny Thomas.
- See?
- Oh, oh.
I-I'm gonna be Danny Thomas.
Yes. He's in the show, too.
Let's see. Uh, uh, let's see.
There's a knock on the door,
and you say, "Come
in," and so on and so on.
- Uh-huh. Okay.
- Okay?
- Yeah, go ahead.
- All right.
Knock, knock, knock.
Come in.
Uh, are you Danny Thomas?
I said, "Are you Danny Tho...?"
Excuse me. When I say,
"Are you Danny Thomas?"
you say, "That's right."
Oh, I'm sorry.
I guess I've been Mrs.
Carmichael so long,
I forgot to answer.
It doesn't matter
what I call you.
Oh, it doesn't?
No. If the line, "Are you
Danny Thomas?" confuses you,
- I'll say...
- Well, it did a little bit, yeah.
Well, I can help
you with that...
I'll-I'll just, uh, uh, say,
"Are you Mrs. Carmichael?"
Oh, I'd answer to that.
Well, then the rest of
the scene reads the same.
Oh, fine, fine.
- Okay? All right.
- Go right ahead then.
- Want to come in again?
- All right, I will.
- Okay. Knock, knock, knock.
- No, that's... I...
Uh, knock, knock, knock.
Yeah, that's right.
Knock, knock...
Yes. Come in.
Are you Mrs. Carmichael?
I have a telegram for you.
No, that's my line.
No. You see, here it is.
When I say, "Are
you Mrs. Carmichael?"
- you say, "That's right."
- Oh.
And I say, "I have
a telegram for you."
Oh, yes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
All right, well, try-try it
again from my entrance.
- Yes, all right.
- Okay.
Knock, knock, knock.
Uh, never... never mind
that, will you, please?
Uh, let's see. Are-Are
you Mrs. Carmichael?
That's right.
Uh, sign right here, please.
You forgot to say, "I
have a telegram for you."
- I did?
- Yeah. See?
Then I say, "Thank
you," and then you say,
"Sign right here, please."
Now, you want to try it again?
No.
No, I want to go
inside and study.
Yeah, you better.
You know something?
Before you started to help me,
I knew this whole
thing by heart.
Good luck.
I don't know why
I'm having such a terrible
time learning this number.
I don't know either, Miriam.
It's just one simple step.
Yeah, but I keep goofing it.
Come here. I'll show you.
Now, very slowly, from the top.
Your left foot is free.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Step, clap, clap,
step, clap, clap.
Left, right, left.
- Right hip.
- Ugh!
Left hip, kick, right, left.
Brrr... Whap!
Simple.
Looks simple when you do it.
- Would you do it once more?
- Very slowly.
We'll talk it through.
Your left foot is free.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Step, clap, clap.
Step, clap, clap.
Right, right, left.
Right hip, left hip.
Kick, two, three.
Brrr... whap!
All right, girls.
I want to run through Danny's
entrance and opening monologue.
Places, please.
Right over here. That's fine.
Okay, take it.
The curtain's
rising. Here we go.
You'll love the
show, we promise.
Since you're
entitled to the best,
we bring you Danny Thomas!
Thank you. Thank you.
Anyway, then, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
Then with the closing song.
Marty, that's enough. Let's
do the opening number, huh?
Uh, I want to hold
off on that, Danny.
Why?
I-I put in a call for
some more showgirls.
Oh, yeah, we could
use a few more.
Uh, look, while we're waiting,
why don't we run through
your dressing room scene?
You know, where the messenger
boy delivers the telegram?
- Oh, good. Yeah, we'll do that. Fine.
- All right, messenger boy?
- Yeah, come on.
- Coming, coming.
You-You know your lines, kid?
Oh, yes, sir, I-I know them.
You seem a little nervous.
Huh?
Oh, no, no, no.
- I-I'm all right.
- You are?
Yeah. Oh, I always get
moths before I go on.
We all...
Moths?
Uh, I mean, butterflies.
Oh, well...
When your director cues
you, you just come in,
and for the moment,
there'll be no knock.
You just say, "Knock,
knock," and come right in.
- We'll go on with the scene.
- Okay.
- All right, fine.
- All right.
Now, Danny, you're
in your dressing room.
All right, fine.
And then there's a
knock on the door.
- Knock, knock, knock.
- Come in.
Are you Mrs. Carmichael?
Am I who?
Well... Oh, no, I'm sorry.
I-I got mixed up.
Well, you just go out and
we'll start all over again.
- Give it another chance.
- Don't-Don't be nervous.
Don't be... Mrs.-Mrs.
Carmichael?
All right, let's take
it again, please.
- Knock, knock, knock.
- Come in.
Are you Danny Thomas?
That's right.
I have a telegram for you.
That's fine. May I have it?
I forgot the telegram.
Well, go and get it, will you?
Where did you get this actor?
He can't remember a line.
- Well...
- He can't remember a prop.
I'm sorry, Danny.
It wasn't till
after I hired him,
I found out this
is his first job.
His first job? Oh, no.
Look, look, look, look,
Danny, I'll replace him.
You can't do that.
- Why not?
- I have a policy.
I got a set rule.
I never fire a person
from his first job.
It could ruin him for life.
It could just absolutely
destroy his future.
But, look, Danny,
if the kid can't act...
Please.
I'll pull him through somehow.
Just think, after he gets
this first show under his belt
and goes on to greater
glory, you and I can be proud
as we watch him
go up that ladder.
Oh, you got a good heart, Danny.
But somebody else's
ladder, not mine.
All right, come on!
All right, messenger boy.
Knock, knock, knock.
- Are you Danny Thomas?
- That's right.
Uh, what's right?
- What's right?
- I mean, uh...
Uh, I mean, I have a
Carmichael for you, Mr. Thomas.
- Wait.
- Oh!
Will you relax?
- I know, I'm sorry, Mr. Telegram.
- Please...
I...
Hold it, hold it!
Yes, thank you. Marty,
could I handle this?
Look, boy...
this is your first job, and I
want to help pull you through.
Now, you just come
right in and relax
and rely upon me a little bit.
I'll try to help you.
- Okay.
- Go ahead.
Here we go.
Ah, knock, knock. Come in.
- Oh, a telegram?
- I...
Well, that's very
nice. Okay, I'll have it.
- You want me to sign right there?
- I...
- That's fine.
- I...
Here you are, my boy.
- I...
- Here's a dollar for you.
- Buy yourself a cigar.
- I...
As a matter of fact, I happen
to have a cigar right here.
That'll be one dollar, please.
Thank you very much.
Ah. Sir, I have to
get these papers
back to the bank before 3:00.
Are you sure Mr. Katz
hasn't come back yet?
Not yet, ma'am.
Okay, thank you.
You're welcome.
Let's see what you got.
Oh, hello. Hello, girls.
- Hello.
- Hello, Mr. Thomas.
All right, girls,
let's stand in line,
so Mr. Thomas can
have a look at you.
All right, very good.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, uh, miss, would you mind
standing with the
other girls, please?
Oh, well, I...
Uh, please, miss.
We're running late.
Just stand with the other girls.
Come on, come on.
Ah, very pretty faces.
Mm-hmm.
All right, now, girls, let's
have a look at the figures.
Come on, come on, come
on, let's see the figure.
Will... would you please
let me see your figure?
Not like that.
Take off your clothes.
Oh, I couldn't do that.
Well, why not? The others did.
Oh, well, they're not
wearing unmentionables.
Unmen...
Unmentionables?
Yeah, well, you see, when I
put this suit on this morning,
I had no idea that anyone
would ask me to take it off.
Look, Danny, will you
just let me pick the girls?
Oh, yeah?
I let you pick the messenger.
Certainly the right height...
and you do have red hair.
Yeah, I do have red hair today.
Uh, do you girls dance?
- Oh, I dance. -Me, too.
- I dance, yes.
Okay, chief, how
about these girls, huh?
Yeah, they'll be fine.
How about you,
Red, do you dance?
Every chance I get.
The show's in color; her
red hair will be an asset.
Take her, too.
You're the boss.
All right, girls, report
down the hall to wardrobe
and get your costumes.
Thank you.
Let's go.
All right, let's have those new
girls back on stage, please.
Let's go, kids,
please, we're late.
Now, uh, you've, uh, you-you've
watched us run this number
about two or three times, right?
- Yes. -Yeah.
- You think you got it?
- Oh, yes, sir. -Yes, sir.
- Fine, fine.
Now, you two,
you go on that side,
and Red, you go over there.
Yes, sir.
Red, Red, Red,
over there, there.
Oh.
All right, Wilbur,
shall we hatch it?
Go ahead.
♪ Don't bring a frown
to old Broadway ♪
♪ You gotta clown on Broadway ♪
♪ Broadway always
wears a smile ♪
♪ 'Cause Broadway
always wears a smile ♪
♪ A million hearts
are living... ♪
Hold it, please.
Hold it, hold it.
Red, will you come
over for a minute, please?
Yeah, you, dear.
Honey, uh...
did you notice you
were going in one way
and all the other girls
were going in another way?
Yeah, I guess they
got all mixed up.
Well, dear, it would be...
You see, instead of
trying to unmix all of them,
why don't you just turn around
and go the wrong way, too?
Oh, yes, I think that
would be a lot easier.
Yes, it would, thank you.
Thank you, thank you so much.
- You're very cooperative, thank you.
- All right.
Okay, pick it up, please.
♪ Hey, your troubles
there are out of style ♪
♪ 'Cause Broadway
always wears a smile ♪
♪ A million... ♪
Look, Red... by, by the
way, w-w-what's your name?
Carmichael.
Oh, Carmichael.
- Well, look...
- My first name is Lucille.
Oh, Lucille.
- Look, Luc...
- My friends call me Lucy.
- Your friends call you Lucy?
- Yes, sir.
Well, Lucy, I certainly
want to be your friend.
Oh, thank you.
And I want you to be my friend.
Thank you, Mr. Thomas.
But if you go the
wrong way again,
it's gonna be the end
of a beautiful friendship!
- Oh, yes, sir.
- Get back in line, please.
- Yes, sir.
- Now, let's try it, please,
from where we left off, huh?
♪ A million lights ♪
♪ They flicker there ♪
♪ A million hearts ♪
♪ b*at quicker there ♪
♪ No skies are gray on
the Great White Way ♪
♪ That's the Broadway ♪
♪ Melody... ♪
Lucy...
Carmichael...
Lucille...
You better answer...
I know it was you.
Yes, sir?
Will you come here, please?
This really isn't
very difficult.
Now, do you suppose that
you could raise your parasol
- without knocking my hat off?
- Yes, sir.
Thank you. Will you
go back in line, please?
- Yes, sir.
- Thank you.
- Oh, I'm so...
- Never mind!
Just get back in line!
- Yes, sir.
- Oh!
All right, do like the
rest of the girls. Go on.
All right, t-take it from
the middle, please.
♪ A million lights ♪
♪ They flicker there ♪
♪ A million hearts, ah ♪
♪ They b*at quicker there ♪
♪ No skies are gray ♪
♪ On the Great White Way ♪
♪ That's the Broadway ♪
♪ Melody ♪
♪ Hey! You... ♪
Lucy...
Yes, sir?
Pick up your shoe, please.
How'd you know it was mine?
Just a sh*t in the dark.
And it's gettin' darker
in here all the time.
Danny, now look, the redhead
is gonna m*rder this number.
Now, I'd better get rid of her.
Yeah, I guess so.
- Oh, miss?
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
- I picked her.
- You sure did.
Okay, so we're even.
I'll let her go.
Lucy, got your shoe on?
- Would you come here, please?
- Yes, sir?
I'd like to talk to you here.
You know, this show
is gonna be viewed
- by millions of people.
- Oh, I know.
And it would be very
embarrassing for you
if you kicked your shoe off
in front of all of those people.
Oh, Mr. Thomas, you
see, it's not my fault
if they gave me shoes
that are too big for my feet.
Well, it's absolutely right...
It certainly isn't your fault
if they gave you shoes
too big for your feet.
And you know what
I'm gonna do about that?
- Get me smaller shoes?
- No.
I'm gonna get a
girl with bigger feet.
- Oh, no, Mr. Thomas!
- Oh, dear...
- Mr. Thomas, please?
- I know, I know, dear.
Look, I-I want to
give you a chance,
and I've been trying, and I know
- you're trying hard to please.
- I am.
But you make so many
mistakes. I can't under...
Did you make that many mistakes
on the other shows
you worked with?
Oh, this is the first
show I was ever in.
This is my first job.
- This is your first job?
- Yes.
And don't you worry, now,
Mr. Thomas, I'll
stuff a little cotton
in the toes of these
shoes and I'll just be fine.
I hope so. Now, if you'll
stuff your cotton-pickin' shoes
into those pockin'...
and get back in that
cotton-pickin' line...
Yes, sir.
Till we get this
cotton-pickin' number, please.
It couldn't be her
second job, right?
It had to be her first.
Pick it up, will you, Wilbur,
from somewhere, please?
Shall we go?
♪ Hey! No skies are gray ♪
♪ On the Great White Way ♪
♪ That's the Broadway ♪
♪ It's the Broadway ♪
♪ It's the Broadway... ♪
My nose. My nose.
- My nose! My nose!
- Oh!
- My nose! My nose!
- I'm sorry!
My nose!
Sorry! Mr. Thomas...
Don't you think my
nose is long enough
for you not to have to pull
on it with that umbrella?!
- Oh, yes, sir!
- What?!
I mean, no, sir!
I mean, I think your
nose is plenty long!
I mean, I-I'm sorry, sir.
- I'm sorry.
- Danny...
No.
I've got a policy, and
I'm gonna stick with her.
- Lucy...
- Yes?
Oh!
Look, dear, I...
I've decided that you're
being wasted on this number.
- Oh?
- So I'm gonna take you out of it.
- Oh, no, Mr. Thomas.
- Now, don't worry, wait a minute.
- Please, Mr. Thomas.
- I-I'm not letting you go from the show.
Don't get excited; I'm
gonna save you for the finale.
Oh, the finale!
That's right, the big finish.
- Oh, thank you!
- Most important part of the show.
Oh, thank you!
- I just love your shows.
- Thank you.
You know, I watch all of them;
I never miss a one of them.
- Really?
- And I just love the way you do
"And away... we... go!"
All right, everybody ready for
the "New York Skyline" number.
- Okay, fine.
- Places, girls!
Looks good, that looks
good, that looks good.
- Where do I go?
- You go right up in the middle there.
Wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute,
- you got to get your headdress first.
- Oh.
Fellas, bring it out for her,
please. Thank you, that's fine.
Oh, is that for me?
It's the Empire
State Building, honey.
- Oh, it's beautiful!
- Isn't that great?
- Fine. Be careful, boys.
- Yeah!
Be careful with
the prop, fellas.
- Easy with the prop.
- Oh, it's beautiful.
- All right, dear, you all set?
- Yeah, I got it.
You can let go, boys. Fine.
Lucy... Lu-Lucy, I don't
think you can handle...
No, no, I'll be all right.
I, uh... I just didn't expect
it to be this h... heavy.
- You sure? You sure? Lucy?
- No, no, I'm fine.
- You're all right?
- I'm fine.
- Now, hold your head straight.
- Yes.
Hold your head
absolutely straight.
- Yes.
- Stand absolutely still.
- Fine. Fine.
- That's good, that's good.
Good. Lucy, Lucy...
Lucy? Lucy! Lucy!
You're supposed to be
the Empire State Building,
not the Leaning Tower of Pisa!
- Yes, I got it now.
- All right, you're fine?
- Yes.
- Would you come around, please?
- Yes.
- Take your position. That's a good girl.
All right. No, no, no,
over here, over here.
Right up the stairs.
There you go. Nice.
Go right... right...
Be careful of the
prop, will you, Lucy?
- Yes. Yes, sir.
- All right.
Fine. All right.
Danny, I...
No, it's all right.
She's gonna be fine.
- Turn around, dear.
- Thank you.
- Thank you. I'm fine now.
- There.
- Danny...
- Big smile. Big smile.
Danny, I think we're
making a mistake.
Will you stop worrying?
I picked her, and I
got to see it through.
Now, go ahead.
All right. Fine.
Now, this is the finale,
and, uh, pick it
up, Wilbur, please.
♪ Don't bring a frown ♪
♪ To old Broadway ♪
♪ You gotta clown on... ♪
Hold it, hold it!
Look, Danny...
Danny, it won't work!
It just won't work!
She won't be
able to handle that!
- Will you stop...
- Now, look, that's an expensive prop.
It cost over $3,000.
She just can't be
trusted with that!
But it's simple... A
baby can handle that.
All she's got to do
is put it on her head
and push a couple of buttons!
If she can't do
that, I'll eat my hat!
- Will you stop worrying...?
- Yeah, I-I'll be able to do it.
- Go right ahead. Honey?
- Yeah?
Honey, remember, now,
when I sing, "Broadway Melody,"
on the note "dy,"
you press the buttons
that light up the
Empire State Building.
- Have you got that?
- Yes. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Fine. All right, dear,
go take your place.
- All right. Thank you.
- Fine.
All right, get ready, boys.
- Oh, uh, Mr. Thomas?
- Yeah?
Could I ask a question?
- Yes, dear.
- Uh...
where are the buttons?
Lucy, o-on each side,
where your hands are,
the button's right there.
- Oh.
- Yeah? Fine?
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
- Here they are.
- -Don't touch them now!
- Huh? What happened?
- Wait! -Lucy!
What happened?! What happened?!
What happened?
What'd I do?
What happened, Mr. Thomas?
What did I do, Mr. Thomas?!
♪♪
I'm sorry...
04x07 - Lucy Helps Danny Thomas
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Widow Lucy Carmichael raises her children and shares her home with divorcee friend Vivien.
Widow Lucy Carmichael raises her children and shares her home with divorcee friend Vivien.