05x06 - Lucy Flies to London

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER:
Starring Lucille Ball.

Costarring Gale Gordon.

Mr. Mooney!

Touché, Mrs. Carmichael.

Oh, Mr. Mooney, I'm so sorry,

but I was in such a hurry
to tell you the good news.

Boy, are you gonna be surprised!

About what?

I won first place in
a dog food contest.

That doesn't surprise me,
I've tasted your cooking.

I didn't make the dog food,

I just entered the contest,
and I won a trip to London.

Look, here's my ticket.

My plane leaves Monday morning.

Well, what makes you think

you can take off from
work just like that?

Oh, well, I have some
days coming to me.

I've been saving
up my sick leave.

- Your sick leave?
- Yes, yes, sir.

And, oh, you don't know
what I've gone through

to save up those
few measly days.

Oh, some days, I
have been so miserable.

Oh, well, I never realized
you were so dedicated.

Oh, yes.

You know, one day, I
came to work in such pain

that I had to ask the bank guard

to give me a b*llet to bite on.

Why, you poor thing.

Well...

However, Mrs. Carmichael,
it is impossible for you

- to leave at this time.
- Why?

Because I have to go east
next week, on business,

and I want someone
to be here in this office.

But Mr. Mooney, last year,
we both took our vacations

at the same time...
Nobody even missed us.

Exactly... and I never
want that to happen again.

Oh, Mr. Mooney,

that's the thanks I get for
all the hard work I've done.

All the long hours of
concentration I've put in.

On what?

On my dog food jingle.

Dog food jingle?!

Yeah, the one that
I won the prize with.

I feed my doggie "Arf
Arf," I buy it by the bunch.

I know it's tasty dog food...
I eat it myself, for lunch.

You wrote that?

Yes, I did.

Oh, you do need sick leave.

You mean I can go?

Oh go, go, go.

Oh, Mr. Mooney, thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm going to London!

I'm going to Lond...

I'm going to tell the girls.

I'm going to
London, I'm going...

(sighs wearily)

And they think there'll
always be an England.

ANNOUNCER: Flight ,
British Imperial jet service

to London, is now
loading at Gate Seven.

Oh, Mary Jane, I'm so excited.

There it is, there it is.

British Imperial Airways.

You know what it
said on the ticket?

"From the moment you
step up to the counter

- you feel a bit of Britain."
- Oh!

Isn't it exciting?

Lucy, but you'd
better hurry, honey.

You have to check your ticket.

Yeah, okay, honey.

Oh, dear.

Where's your ticket?

I must have left it in my bag.

(both yelling anxiously)

LUCY: I left it in my bag!

- Lucy!
- My bag! My ticket's in my bag!

MARY JANE: Ask this man.

- What am I going to do?
- MARY JANE: Ask this man!

Sir... sir, excuse me,
I'm on my way to London,

and I had my ticket
and I left it in my bag.

I put my bag down
there and it went that way

and I don't know
how to get it back.

(thick British
accent): Oh, really?

Well, the only way you
can... (gibbering rapidly)

There's not a thing you
can do, really, you know?

What?

(gibbering rapidly)

the only possible
thing you can do, really.

Did you understand what he said?

MARY JANE: No.

Uh... excuse me, sir.

Perhaps your friend
could help me?

Uh, Cedric... (gibbering)
these Americans, you know.

(Cockney accent):
Right-o, guv'nor.

As I understand it,
you're in a bit of a tiswas,

because you went and lost
your bloomin' doodah, lady.

Yes, yes.

I lost my bloomin' doodah lady,

and I want to know
how to get it back.

Well, there's no need
to get yourself in a state.

Well, of course, I'm in a state.

My plane's ready to take
off, and-and, my-my tickets

are in my bag and my
bag took off without me

and I don't know how to get it.

Perhaps I can be
of some help, ladies.

Oh, I hope so. I sure
would appreciate it.

If you don't mind, sir.

What this man
was trying to tell you

is that the baggage
room's in the basement.

In the basement?
Oh, thank... basement?

Oh, I don't know if I have
time to get to the basement.

My plane is taking off
for London... Flight .

How soon does Flight leave?

- It just left.
- It just left!

Oh, no!

(crying): Oh... oh, no.

- Lucy!
- Oh, no!

Oh, I knew this was
too good to be true.

Honey, I told you
to get an earlier start.

Don't get so upset.

Look, there's a plane leaving
for New York in a few minutes.

I'm not going to New
York, I'm going to London.

I know. If you take the
plane from here to New York,

there they can get you
connections on to London.

- Oh, can they do that?
- Well, sure!

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Now, remember
to take your tickets

- to the main ticket counter.
- Oh, yes, sir; yes, sir.

Oh, my tickets... I
gotta get my tickets.

- Yeah, I got to get my tickets.
- Lucy, what are you doing?

(Cockney accent): I'm gonna
get me bloomin' doodah, lady.

STEWARDESS: Here
you are. Seat C.

Oh, thank you;
thank you very much.

Would you like me
to take that for you?

Oh, yes. Yes, yes, thank you.

- Oh, miss...
- Yes?

I keep forgetting about
the difference in time.

Do I set my watch ahead or back?

It's three hours
later in New York.

Oh, well, uh... I'm not
just going to New York.

I'm going all the
way to, uh... London.

London, England... in Europe.

How very nice.

The time difference is eight
hours between here and London.

- London, England?
- In Europe.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

- Uh, sir?
- Yes?

I wonder if you
would do me a favor?

Yes, what is it?

Uh, you see, my girlfriend
is here to see me off and

I promised to wave to her,
but I don't think she can see me.

Would you wave to Mary Jane?

She's the one in the
green suit, right by the gate.

Just, just give
her a little wave.

Oh, yeah... Thank you very much.

Oh, look, she's
waving back to us.

And she's throwing
me a kiss. (laughs)

She's the very best
girlfriend I've got.

Would you mind
throwing her a kiss?

Just throw her a little kiss.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, I would love
to get a sh*t of her,

uh, just waving to me.

Would you, would you
just draw back a little bit?

Oh, uh... you...

Maybe you better take
it, maybe you better...

Just press this little
thing right here. Yes.

Now, look, get her attention...
Wave to her; wave to her.

Throw her a little kiss.

Now, grab it, grab it.

Grab it. That's it.

Thank you very
much. I appreciate that.

She really is my
very best girlfriend.

Thank you. I'm terribly sorry.

I'm sitting on the
wrong side of the plane

to wave good-bye to her.

May I take your coat?

Uh... Oh, yes.

Yes, I guess so.

Thank you. Thank you.

Is there anything
else I can do for you?

Uh, no, I don't think so.

Later I may have
some coffee, tea or milk.

(sighs)

Mr. Mooney!

Mrs. Carmichael, what
are you doing here?

Well, I don't blame
you for being surprised.

I missed my plane.

That doesn't surprise me.

Well, I'm going to
New York on this plane

and then I get my plane
for London from there.

Oh, I see. I see.

My, it's a small
world, isn't it?

Yes.

And with you in it, no wonder
they're racing for the moon.

Oh, Mr. Mooney.

You know, you
ought to be glad that

I'm sitting here with you,
instead of some stranger.

After all, it's a long trip

and you'll have
someone nice to talk to.

Mrs. Carmichael, when
I arrive in New York,

I'm going directly to
an important meeting.

That's why I'm studying
these documents.

- Mm-hmm.
- And I don't want to be disturbed.

Oh. Yes, sir.

(sighs)

Isn't this a wonderful
age we live in?

Breakfast in Los Angeles, lunch
in New York, dinner in London.

Isn't it exciting?

Frankly, my business takes
me on so many transcontinental

and overseas trips that it
isn't very exciting for me.

I get pretty sick of flying.

Oh, really?

Well, actually, I,
I get a little bored

now and then, too, yeah.

STEWARDESS (over P.A.):
Fasten your seat belts, please.

Oh, I guess we're
going to take off, huh?

You better fasten
your seat belt.

I'd be happy to, if you'd give
me the other half of my belt.

- Oh, you have...
- Yeah, yeah.

Oh, you have two buckles...
oh, for heaven's sake.

You have part of mine.

My goodness.

I don't know why they don't
have it right in the first place.

STEWARDESS:
Ladies and gentlemen,

may I have your
attention, please.

Since the takeoff portion of
our flight will be over water,

I'd like to demonstrate
how to put on the life jackets,

which you will find
under your seat.

Sir, she wants you
to pay attention.

I've seen this a hundred times.

Oh... oh, yeah.

It's a real drag, isn't it?

STEWARDESS: The chances of
your having to use the life jackets

are very remote, but regulations
require this demonstration.

After the jacket
is securely tied,

it is inflated by
pulling this cord.

Jackets should be inflated
only after leaving the plane.

Thank you very much.

Would you care for some gum?

- Oh, thank you.
- No, thank you.

It's for your ears.

For my ears?

Oh, of course.

I forgot.

WOMAN: Does gum really help?

Oh, yes, chewing the gum

does seem to help relieve
the pressure during the takeoff.

Thank you.

(jet engines revving up)

(sighs)

(jet engines whirring quietly)

(sighs softly)

(chuckles)

My, I get so used to wearing
them, I forget I have them on.

(chuckles)

(sighs)

(groans softly)

Oh, I-I'm glad you're through
with your work, Mr. Mooney.

I was feeling kind of lonesome.

Mrs. Carmichael,
I'm going to listen

to some nice quiet music
and try to get some rest.

Oh, is that what those are?

(sighs)

(music blaring over
headphones, Mr. Mooney screams)

What are you doing?!

I... I was just trying
to turn up the volume.

Well, turn up your own volume!

(groans)

I don't have to; I
can hear yours now.

Look, Mrs. Carmichael,
all I want is a little rest,

so I look fresh at that meeting.

- Yes, sir.
- Oh. (groans)

Sorry, sir.

I certainly hope they
serve lunch soon.

I didn't have any breakfast.

- Miss. Miss.
- Yes?

You have to press the button
on the arm at the same time.

(chuckles): Oh, of course.

I forget.

All planes are different.

Oh, I-I found it.

I have it now. Yes.

What's the matter?

Did you have a bad dream?

No, I didn't have a bad dream!

(groans)

Miss, your button
is on this arm.

Oh.

Oh, oh, yes, thank you.

(sighs softly)

(sighs softly)

Would you care for
some champagne?

- Champagne?
- Yes.

Ooh, thank you.

Would you care for some?

MAN: Thank you.

(chuckles)

My, this is delicious.

Happy landing.

Bon voyage!

Oh, the boney-est.

(plane rumbles)

What was that?

Just a little turbulence.

A little turbulence?

Oh. I hope they don't have
too much of that up here.

(plane rumbles)

Oh, my.

Was that some more turbulence?

It's getting a little rough.

It certainly is.

More champagne?

Why not?

(plane rumbles)

(sighs)

(panting)

Boy, it's getting hot in here.

I certainly hope they
serve lunch pretty soon.

You know, it's nearly
midnight in London, England.

In Europe.

(slurring): You know something?

What?

You're awfully nice.

Thank you.

I think I'm going to
tell you a little secret.

Secret?

I've never flown before.

You're kidding.

You couldn't tell, could you?

I would have sworn
you were Peter Pan.

(chuckles)

Boy, I hope they
serve lunch pretty soon!

(plane rumbles)

They certainly didn't
mention this turbulence

in my travel folder.

I think we're heading
into a little storm.

Really?

(plane rumbles)

(air hissing loudly)

What are you doing
with your life jacket on?!

Life jacket?!

What's going on?

Well, the plane was pitching.

- Pitching?
- The plane's ditching?!

Ditching?!

- (clamoring)
- Oh, oh!

I think we're going to ditch!

Where's my life
jacket?! Where's my...?

(clamoring continues)

Help me put it on!

We're going to ditch! I know it!

- Ah, I know... (stammering)
- Here, put that on.

- All right, I'm putting...
- (air hissing loudly)

What?!

All right, settle down,
now. Settle down.

Settle down, now.
Everybody be calm.

(panting)

Now, what's going on here?

Well, he said the
plane was ditching.

Now, look, sir,

you've caused nothing but
trouble since you came aboard.

You fell out of your seat,
you wrecked the luggage rack,

and now you've got the
whole plane in an uproar.

Now, everybody just be calm.

Everything's
going to be all right.

Now, take your seats.

Sit down, sir.

Everything's going
to be just fine.