06x14 - Lucy and Carol Burnett: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

[ANNOUNCER READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]

- Miss Cavanaugh.
- Yes?

The station wagon has just
arrived with our new recruits.

Oh, fine, show them in.

GRAY: Now, girls, as you file
in, please identify yourselves.

Last name first and the
city in which you reside.

Come along.

Daniels, Judy. Boston.

Right over here, please.

- Fry, Sally. Chicago.
- Thank you.

- Baker, Mary. Detroit.
- Thank you.

- Bailey, Martha. Memphis.
- Right over here.

Carmichael, Lucy. Angeles, Los.

Over here, please.

All right, you two girls will
occupy Bunk A and B.

And you two girls will
occupy Bunk A and B.

And you two girls will occu...

Uh, I think one of
our aircraft is missing.

Where is Miss Tilford?

GRAY: Carol Tilford!

Coming! Here I am.

- Carol Tilford?
- Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry I'm late.

Where do you come from, Carol?

- Oh, North Platte, Nebraska. Ha, ha.
- Thank you.

You two girls will be
occupying Bunk A and B.

Thank you.

CAVANAUGH: All right, girls.

Girls, you can all unpack
now and get acquainted.

Your training will
start in the morning.

I hope you all succeed
in becoming stewardesses

with Globe World Airlines.

Thank you. Oh, ha, ha.

- Gee, here, let me help you.
- Thank you.

Oh, I'm Lucy Carmichael.

Oh, glad to meet you.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Oh. Thank you.

- I'm sure glad we're bunking together.
- Me too.

LUCY: Oh, Carol,
look at this view.

[SCREAMS]

- What's the matter?
- Oh! What are we doing way up here?

Way up here? We're
just on the fourth floor.

I know. And I
know it sounds silly,

but I've got this phobia
about high places.

I don't know what you call it.

Well, a fear of high places,
that's called hydrophobia.

Yeah. That's it. I got it.

Oh, Carol, if you've
got that phobia,

how come you wanna
be an airline stewardess?

Well, my mama always told
me that if you have a fear,

the best way to overcome
it is to face up to it.

Oh. Oh, well, that's
a wonderful attitude,

and I certainly
admire your courage.

Come on, let's unpack.

- Carol?
- Yeah?

What did you do in North Platte?

Oh, I was an usherette in a
movie theater, but I had to quit.

- Why?
- I couldn't go up in the balcony.

What did you used to do, Lucy?

I worked in a bank, but I
took a leave of absence.

That way, if I don't
make out here,

I'll always have something
to go back to, you know?

- Gee, I hope we both
make it. LUCY: Yeah.

Just think of all the exciting
places we'll get to visit.

Yeah, and all the exciting people
that stewardesses get to meet.

You know, big
executives and movie stars

and sport celebrities and...

Gee, I might even
meet Mr. Right.

Oh, who's Mr. Wright?

Oh, well, that's just a name
I have, you know, for, uh...

Well, you know how girls
always wanna meet that right guy.

Well, I sure hope you
meet your Mr. Right.

Yeah, well, thanks. I hope you
get over your fear of high places.

Me too. Ha, ha.

Hey, I know what I
can do to help you.

- What?
- I'm gonna let you have the top bunk.

- Gee, Lucy, you're a peach.
- Go on, get up there.

- Now?
- Yeah, right now.

- I don't want to.
- Give it a try.

- I have hydrophobia.
- I know. You give it a try.

- I just don't think I can...
- Go on. No, no. Go on.

Now, get up there.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Now, in serving meals,
speed, precision...

Write it down. Write it down.

Speed, precision and teamwork
are of the utmost importance.

I have an a*t*matic timer here,
and Miss Gray and Miss Jackson

are going to show
you how six passengers

can be served an order of
grapefruit in precisely seconds.

Holy cow!

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

If you girls would kindly
turn your chairs around

into the mock-up position.

You girls, over here...
Just pick up your chairs.

Come right along. Let's move,
now. Nice straight lines, girls.

Hurry on there.

All right, the passengers are
in position, you may be seated.

May I remind you,

that is six passengers
in precisely seconds?

Ready?

Go.

[TIMER TICKING]

That's enough, girls.

You get the idea.

We will repeat this teamwork
exercise using two of our trainees.

We will begin with,
uh, Lucy and Carol.

- Which one you gonna be?
- I'll do:

- I'll do...
- All right.

Girls, please
remove those plates.

All right. May I remind you,

six passengers in seconds?

- Ready?
- Yeah.

Go!

[TIMER TICKING]

CAROL: Lucy! Aah!

Lucy!

[BELL RINGING]

Come aboard, girls.

Ooh.

[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

Girls, this is
your first flight.

And how well you
do on this flight

determines whether or
not you get your wings.

BOTH: Roger.

Well, here's your flight
manual. Goodbye and good luck.

- Goodbye, Miss Cavanaugh.
- Thank you. Goodbye.

- Thank you.
- Aah! Ha, ha.

Look at the kitchen.

- A cute little galley all our own.
- Isn't it really great?

- Oh, it's just darling.
- Lucy, isn't this thrilling?

Yeah. And you know something?

I may meet my Mr. Right

- on my very first flight.
- Oh, I hope so.

I'm so proud of you, Carol. You
don't seem the least bit nervous.

- You know what I think it is?
- What?

I think it's the uniform.

Yeah. That's the spirit.

- You know, I just can't wait to take off.
- You're kidding.

No, get up in that
wild blue yonder and:

[MIMICS PLANE DRONING]

Who are you?

I'm the repairman.

[IN CRACKING VOICE]
What are you repairing?

WORKMAN: An ashtray.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] I
don't like the sound of that.

Carol, it's just an ashtray.

Yeah, well, he's got an awful lot
of tools there for just an ashtray.

- Oh, now, Carol...
- I'm getting off.

- Carol. Now, listen here.
- I'm not gonna...

Now, listen to me.

The wings that go with that
uniform that you're so proud of

are the wings of an
eagle, not a chicken.

Now, you straighten up.

- All right.
- Remember our motto.

[IN UNISON] At Globe World,
flying is for people, not for the birds.

- Right. Pull yourself together.
- All right.

- Let's get ready for the passengers.
- Okay.

- Okay? All right.
- Yeah, I'm all right.

[CAROL CLEARS THROAT]

Oh. Welcome to
Globe World Airlines.

Oh, yes. Make yourself
comfortable and relax.

Remember that the
people serving you

are the finest trained
in the whole world.

- Oh, and we know just how you feel.
- Yes.

If there's anything we can do
to take your mind off your flight...

Help you enjoy the flight, like
a magazine, coffee, tea or milk.

Or a pillow to put
over your eyes.

I'm the pilot.

- That was the pilot.
- I hope it's not his first flight too.

Oh, dear.

Welcome aboard
Globe World Airlines.

- Flight to Chicago.
- Welcome aboard Globe World...

Welcome aboard
Globe World Airlines.

Welcome aboard
Globe World Airlines.

- Flight to Chicago.
- Welcome aboard. We...

- Oh, hey, they're musicians.
- Flight ...

LUCY: Welcome aboard Globe...
- Ooh. Hi.

- Flight to Chicago.
- Welcome aboard...

Welcome aboard
Globe World Airlines.

- Oh. Welcome aboard.
- Oh, come right in.

Oh, yes, I'll help you to
your seat, Mr. Brennan.

- Ha, ha. Right this way.
- Yes. Right this way, sir.

Yes, here's your
seat, sir. Right here.

Oh, thank you.

Perhaps you'd like to sit
next to the window, Mr. Right?

I mean, Mr. Brennan?

I believe that seat is reserved
for another passenger.

Oh. You go ahead and sit there.

When the other passenger
comes, make out like you're asleep.

I'm sure I'll be
comfortable here.

Well, to make you comfortable,
I'll turn on the air conditioner.

Would you like me
to take your jacket?

- Oh, no, don't bother.
- It's no bother at all.

- Not at all. No.
- Not at all.

It's a pleasure.

[CAROL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

- I'll hang it up.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Now, you just relax and be
nice and comfortable. Yes.

You better fasten your seat belt
in case you fall asleep or anything.

Now, is there anything I can get
you, coffee, tea or me? Or milk?

No, thanks.

Just let me make you a
little bit more comfortable.

Put your little headie
on the pillow, huh?

And we don't want you to catch a
cold from that nasty old air conditioner.

Now, you just relax
and go to sleep

and I'll wake you up, ha,
ha, when we get to Chicago.

Fasten your seat belts, please.

Fasten your seat belts.
You're all right now.

Fasten your seat belts.

Fasten your seat belts, please.

Fasten your seat belts.

- Whoa.
- Ha, ha.

- Is he ever Mr. Right? Oh.
- Divine. Ha, ha.

- Stewardess? BOTH: Yes, sir.

All your passengers
aboard and accounted for?

- Yes, sir.
- All right.

[LUCY WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

Passengers all aboard, captain.

You can proceed to Runway .

Here's your flight
announcements.

- Thank you. AGENT:
We're ready for takeoff.

Yes, sir.

[IN CRACKING VOICE]
Are we taking off?

Yes.

Yes, sir. I'll secure
the door, sir.

[PLANE DRONING &
CAROL SCREAMING]

- Lucy!
- Carol, will you pull yourself together?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] I can't. I
can't. I don't know what to do!

You are going to do what
you've been trained to do.

Now, where is that flight
manual? I wanna check it.

- Where is it?
- Oh. Here it is.

All right, now, what does
it say for us to do next?

Uh... Oh, it says we say
goodbye to the passengers

and tell them we hope
they enjoyed their trip.

Oh, you opened
it to the last page.

First thing we do is make
the flight announcement.

I'll do that and you
see what comes next.

Uh...

Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome aboard
Globe World Airlines,

Flight to Chicago.

Our pilot and crew
would like to acquaint you

with the flight
pattern for today.

Our cruising speed will be
approximately miles an hour.

- That's cruising?!
- Shh.

[WHISPERS] Carol,
quiet. Keep quiet.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] We are currently
flying at an altitude of , feet.

[SCREAMING]

No!

Will you stop making that noise?

Give me that manual.
I gotta see what's next.

What's the matter with you?

- Lunch.
- No, I couldn't eat a thing.

- Not for you, for the passengers.
- Oh.

I'll hand out the menus.

Now, you see what comes next.

Mr. Brennan?

Mr. Brennan?

Wake up.

- It's time for lunch.
- Uh, no, thanks.

Oh, now, you really
should eat something.

I have a luncheon
engagement in Chicago.

Oh. Heh.

Gee, I bet you hate
going to Chicago.

- Why? LUCY: Well, you know,

being away from the family.

Most passengers feel very bad
about leaving their wife and kids.

- I'm not married.
- Aw.

Oh. Well, maybe you'll meet
somebody nice in Chicago.

- I'm going there on business.
- Oh.

Well, perhaps you'll meet
someone nice on the way to Chicago.

I had no idea you stewardesses

took such a personal
interest in your passengers.

Oh, yes, we do.
Indeed we do. Ha, ha.

Oh. Tell me, what do
you do, Mr. Brennan?

I'm vice-president in charge
of personnel for my company.

Oh, you look like a man who
would be in charge of a lot of people.

Tell me, what, uh,
company are you with?

Globe World Airlines.

- You're with this
airline? BRENNAN: Yes.

And right now, you're
minutes late in serving lunch.

Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

- What's for lunch?
- We start with grapefruit.

Good. We're in luck.

Lunch!

- Everything all right, sir?
- Just fine. Thank you.

Good.

- How is everything?
- Oh, very peaceful and quiet finally.

What does the flight manual
say we should do now?

Let me see. We
served the drinks.

- We served the lunch.
- Yeah.

Oh, now we're supposed
to show the movie.

Oh, yes. Okay, I'll do it.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Globe World Airlines

is pleased to provide
for your entertainment

a screening of our
scheduled movie.

Carol! Carol!

[CAROL SCREAMS]

I, uh...

Gee, I'm awfully sorry,

but I don't know if you'd
like the movie anyway.

I saw it and it
wasn't very good.

I wanna talk to you two.

Is something wrong, Mr. Brennan?

Yes. Is this any
way to run an airline?

Boy, there's a line.

I'm sorry about the film,
but this is our first flight.

When your supervisor gets
this report, it will be your last.

Oh, you can't do that now.
I was just getting to like it.

Yeah, I can understand
about your being upset,

but couldn't you give
us another chance?

I'm sorry, girls, but because of you,
we're going to get a lot of complaints.

Now, we promise our passengers
entertainment on these flights,

and they look forward
to that entertainment.

Just because the movie
broke down, that doesn't mean

- they can't have entertainment.
- What do you mean?

Well, back home in
North Platte, Nebraska,

we make our own entertainment.

Hey, that's a wonderful idea.

Oh, I'll go ask those
musicians to help.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah, we...
- I don't know if that...

Now, Mr. Brennan, don't
you worry about a thing.

Don't worry about it. You
go in and sit down and relax.

Now, don't you worry.

Will they help us? They will?

[CAROL WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen,

uh, a lot of airlines offer you
movies and stereo music to listen to,

but Globe World
Airlines is the very first

to bring you live entertainment.

Hit it, boys.

[PLAYING "LET ME ENTERTAIN YOU"]

[SINGING] Let us entertain you

Let us make you smile

We will do a few tricks Some
old and then some new tricks

We're very versatile

The clown With his
pants falling down

Or the pie that
he gets in the eye

Or the scene With
the big movie queen

That's entertainment

A soubrette at the Met Who
can bring the house down

[SINGING OPERATICALLY]

The flair of Astaire
When he's dancing around

Oh, boy, how they went to
town In those vaudeville days

When soft-shoe was the craze

[PLAYING "OLD SOFT SHOE"]

BOTH [SINGING]:
When me and my Alice

Was playing the Palace in '

There wasn't a word of
We never had heard of

That thing called jive

When we got a chance
To go into our dance

There was just one dance alive

We gave them the old soft-shoe

A hat, a moustache and a cane

Were the props Brought
this funny man fame

So well-known We
won't mention his name

[PANTOMIME MUSIC
PLAYING ON TROMBONE]

[WHISTLES]

That guy with the fancy bow tie

And a hat to go with his cravat

You gotta start off
each day With a song

Even when things go wrong

You'll feel better
You'll even look better

I'm here to tell you
You'll be a go-getter

You'll find that
you can't go wrong

If you start off each
day You gotta make hay

Just start off each
day with a song

The gag may be waving a flag

That began with a Mr. Cohan

Oh, he's a Yankee Doodle Dandy

Yankee Doodle do or die

Yankee Doodle came to
London Just to ride the pony

He is that Yankee Doodle Boy

[WHISTLES]

Broadway shows on opening nights

Bright marquees
Ethel Merman in lights

I got rhythm, I got music

I got my man Who could
ask for anything more?

Oh

Oh, when the
saints go marching in

Oh, when the
saints go marching in

How I wanna be in that number

When the saints go marching in

Oh, when the sun begins to shine

Oh, when the sun begins to shine

How I wanna be in that number

When the sun begins to shine

- Come on.
- Come on, everybody.

ALL [SINGING]: Oh, when the saints
CAROL [SINGING]: Go marching in

ALL: Go marching in Oh,
when the saints go marching in

How I wanna be in that number

When the saints go marching in

- Oh, when the saints
CAROL: Oh, when the saints

ALL: Go marching in
CAROL: Go marching in

ALL: When the
saints go marching in

How I wanna be in that number

When the saints go marching in

Aah! Who's flying the plane?

We landed minutes ago.

Hey, Lucy, we've been
on the ground minutes.

ALL [SINGING]: Oh, when
the saints go marching in

Oh, when the
saints go marching in

How I wanna be in that number

When the saints go marching in

[ANNOUNCER READS ON-SCREEN TEXT]