06x17 - Lucy Gets Involved

[bunniefuu]

[ANNOUNCER READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]

ANNOUNCER:
Co-starring Gale Gordon.

Oh, Mr. Mooney, it's you.

It isn't the Japanese sandman.

- Well, you frightened me.
- Good.

Now, if you don't mind,

I would like to dictate some
letters, Sleeping Beauty.

- Yes, sir. Thank you.
- Ugh!

Now, let me see.

Ahem. This first letter goes to
"Rylander, Mosher and Tebets.

Gentlemen, in reply to your
inquiry of the fifteenth, we..."

[YAWNS]

Am I keeping you awake?

No.

Why don't you sleep at home?

I can't because my
television set is broken.

Now, what in the name of Rip
van Winkle has that got to do with it?

Well, I have to watch television
at night. It puts me to sleep.

- Well, why don't you get another one?
- I can't afford it.

I'm not exactly working for
Diamond Jim Brady, you know.

You won't be working for
anyone, if you don't stay awake.

Unh. I'm sorry.

- You shou...
- Mr. Mooney,

would you lend me some money
to rent a set for a few weeks?

No.

I will, however, lend you a set.

- Oh, thank you. You're very sweet.
- I know.

Now, you can pick it up
at my house after work.

- It's a portable.
- Oh, thank you.

Now, can we get back to work?

- Yeah.
- Good.

"Rylander, Mosher, Tebets.

Gentlemen, in reply to
your inquiry of the fifteenth,

we are pleased to inform
you that we will grant your loan.

The interest can be amortized
over a period of some... Uh.

Period of some..."

Gee, Mary Jane, wasn't it nice
of Mr. Mooney to loan me this?

Oh, yes.

And I sure appreciate
your help tonight.

Oh, think nothing of it.
That's what friends are for.

Yeah, be careful of that step
now. You've got eggs in that bag.

- Okay, I'll be careful.
- That's right.

[YELLING]

- Oh, no!
- Oh, no!

- You told me to be careful and look...
- Oh, no! Oh, no!

- The whole set is ruined.
- What am I gonna do?

Well, you'll just have to
watch television up at my place.

I mean about the set.
I'm... Mr. Mooney will k*ll me.

Oh, well, you'll have
to buy him a new set.

Oh, with what? I'm broke.

Oh, Mary Jane, look at that.
Can you lend me some money?

No, I was gonna
ask you for a loan.

That's why I was so
nice and helped you.

Well, I've just gotta get
some money someplace.

Hey, Lucy.

- What?
- Why don't you moonlight?

- Moonlight?
- Yeah, get an extra job at night.

I can't work day and night.

Why not? You don't sleep nights
anyway. You might as well work.

Yeah, that's right.

Let's look at the "Help Wanted"
section. Where's your newspaper?

- Right here.
- Here. Let's look in here.

Oh, look at this.

- Well, now, we'll find something.
- Oh, he's gonna k*ll me.

See now, here,
"Female Help Wanted."

Hey. That looks interesting.

"Phil's Fatboy Burgers.

- Girl wanted nights, as car hop.
- Nights.

- No experience necessary.
- See.

Salary plus tips."

Hey, "plus tips."
That sounds great.

I'm going right
down there tonight.

Good. And if you get the
job, I'll eat there every night.

Well, that's nice, but
do me a favor, will you?

- Let some other girl wait on you?
- Why?

- Because you're a lousy tipper.
- Lucy...

Oh, will you put
that back together?

[ROCK N' ROLL MUSIC
PLAYING ON RADIO]

[BUZZING]

Here you are,
sir. Just a second.

Oh, no! Here, sir.

No, this isn't what
we ordered! Oh!

[HORN HONKING]

- Oh, please, sir. Please. Please.
- Can I help... I'm the manager.

- Now, what is wrong?
- Well, it's this waitress here.

We've been waiting for
our food for half an hour.

Then she not only
brought the wrong order,

but she spilled
it all over my car.

- What is wrong with you?
- I...

You haven't done anything
right since you've been here.

That's what I get for
hiring a topless waitress.

What do you mean "topless"?

No head.

- Now, clean that mess up!
- Yes, sir.

[BUZZER BUZZING]

That's your number.
Get your order. Hurry up!

- Yes, sir.
- Now, what... I don't...

The help we get nowadays.

You'll forgive me, please. I'll
try and straighten everything out.

- All right.
- Just bear with us, please.

But please, get it for us. Please,
will you? Make sure you get it.

Yes, sir. Don't
worry about a thing.

- Yeah.
- And hurry it up!

Right. Right away,
sir. Right away.

Yes, I'll be right...

Oh, my, my, my.

Here you are, and I'm terribly
sorry you had to wait so long.

Lady, you are amazing!

My doctor's been trying to
get me to diet for ten years.

And you've
succeeded in one night!

I'm sorry.

- Let me help you. Let me help...
- Oh, thank you.

Uh, why don't you get what they
want, and I'll finish cleaning this up.

- Well, now, that's very nice of you.
- You seem to be having a tough time.

And, uh, besides, you
remind me of someone,

someone very close to me.

- Oh, your girlfriend?
- No, my mother.

[HORN HONKS LOUDLY]

[ROCK N' ROLL MUSIC
PLAYING ON RADIO]

[BUZZING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, Mr. Mooney's office.

Oh, hello, Mary Jane.
Yeah, I got the job.

I worked till five this morning.

Oh, I'll say it's tough.

And the old fat boy I work for
is an upholstered Simon Legree.

Oh, I never would have lasted, but
some nice kid helped me all night.

Ugh, no, Mr. Mooney
isn't here yet.

Oh, I don't know how I'm
gonna get through the day,

and then go back
to work again tonight.

[SIGHS]

Well, I'm just gonna have
to take some no-sleep pills.

You know, wake-up pills.

Okay. I'll talk to you later.

[SCREAMING]

Oh, you frightened me.

I'm sorry. I must
have dozed off.

I guess I haven't been
very efficient lately.

That is the greatest understatement
since Noah said, "It looks like rain."

- Well, I'm sorry.
- Well, you should be.

I thought when I loaned
you a television set,

you'd do your sleeping at
home, instead of here in the office.

So did I.

- And will you stop yawning.
- I can't help it.

Well, you'd better do
something to help yourself.

I tell you... Unh!

- Mrs. Carmichael, come over here.
- Yes, sir.

Come, come, come. Come
over here. Come over here.

Come along. Now,
hold out your little hand.

Go ahead. That's it. Now,
I want you to take those.

- What are they?
- They're wake-up pills.

- Oh, well, I don't want...
- Don't argue with me. Take them.

Take them. Here's some
water. Swallow them down.

There you are.
That's a good girl.

That's fine. There.

Yeah, that's good.

- Now, there.
- Thank you, sir.

In a few minutes, I'll
be my usual self again.

Oh, I don't want that. I
want some work out of you.

Now, come on. Now
you would do your filing,

and get these typed up,

and get your ledgers.
Please bring them in here.

And for heaven's sake, don't let
me forget to sign the Jones letter.

It's terribly important.

Then I'll have some
dictation to do later on, but...

- And will you please stay awake?
- Yes, sir.

All right. Now,
go on. Go, go, go.

Oh.

- Here's the Jones letter for you to sign.
- Oh, thank you very much.

Thank you.

Mrs. Carmichael, I
didn't sign the paper.

Mrs. Carmichael,
see, I just got the pen...

- Mrs. Carmichael.
- There's your ledger, sir.

- Right there.
- Yes, I... But the, uh... The paper...

[PHONE RINGING]

Mr. Mooney's office. Yes,
sir. I'll tell him. Goodbye.

That was Mr. Cheever.

He wants you in his
office for a conference at .

I'm going for my coffee break.

Oh, boy, that was great, great,
wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

There you are, Mr. Mooney.
Please sign those.

[YELLING]

You gotta stay awake if you
want to get the work done.

[HORNS HONKING]

- What's wrong?
- We've been waiting for minutes.

- Now, where's our order?
- Oh, I'm awfully sorry.

I just... I'll... Watch, be right out
there. I'll take care of it personally.

Please. Yes, don't worry.
I'll take care of everything.

Why don't you
use the right door?

I did. It says
"out," doesn't it?

Here you are, ma'am,
cheeseburger and a malt.

I didn't order a
cheeseburger and a malt.

Oh. Um...

Uh, who ordered a
cheeseburger and a malt?

Over here!

Oh, okay, one
cheeseburger, coming up.

Here's the malt.

How's that for
service? Ha-ha-ha.

Now look what you did.

What I did?

Now, look, Typhoid Mary,
you've been here just two nights,

and you already hold the West
Coast record for broken dishes.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I'm sorry.
Deduct it from my salary.

- What salary?
- Aren't you paying me?

You already owe me $ .

- Now, clean up that mess.
- Yes, sir.

[BUZZING]

- Oh, my number's up.
- How I wish it were.

- Oh, uh, hi, there, uh...
- Tommy.

Tommy, that's right. I'll
be with you in a minute.

- No hurry. Take your time.
- Okay. Heh.

MAN: Miss?
- Yes.

[SCREAMS]

What will you have, Tommy?

Uh, I want a rare hamburger
with everything on it.

A rare hamburger,
everything on it.

- Right.
- Okay.

Oh, and, uh, a Fat Boy malt.

A Fat Boy malt coming up
right... Right now. Ha, ha.

Mr. Burton, you know I told you
about that first step. It's a dilly.

Now, come on, get up,
get up. Come on, come on.

- Excuse me, son, what's your name?
- Tommy Watkins.

- Do you have any identification?
- Uh, yes, sir.

- May I see it, please?
- Yes, sir.

What's this all about?

Somebody answering your description
was seen stripping a car last night.

- Oh, it wasn't me.
- I hope not, son.

Sorry, you're gonna have to come
to the station and answer questions.

Oh, but I didn't do anything.

If you didn't do anything, you
have nothing to worry about.

- Now, let's get in the car.
- Well, can I take my bike?

No, you're gonna have to come
with us. Get your key, let's go.

What's wrong? Where
are they taking him?

- What happened?
- Uh...

Cops say he was
stripping cars last night.

Last night? He couldn't have. He
was right here helping me all night.

Oh, I'd better get down to
the police and tell them that.

Dum-dum, you're
not going anyplace.

- But I want to...
- I am shorthanded here.

But I wanna help
him. He's innocent.

Now, look, if he's innocent,
he doesn't need any help.

But he didn't do it. I'll
only be gone a short time.

If you leave here, you're fired.

You can't fire me.

- Why not?
- I quit.

Ow!

You're fired!

Ow!

[PHONE RINGING]

Mr. Mooney's office.

Oh, hello, Mary Jane.

Yes, I can talk.
Mr. Mooney's not here yet.

No, I'm not working
there anymore. I got fired.

Oh, some teenage
boy got arrested.

And I knew he was innocent,
so I went over to the police station

and I got him out of it.

Well, it's a long
story. I'll tell you later.

What?

Well, I'll just have to raise
the money some other way.

Oh, Mary Jane, I know
honesty is the best policy.

Yeah, but I just can't tell him:

"Mr. Mooney, I broke
your television set."

- You what?
- I just told him. Good bye.

What's this about
breaking my television set?

- Uh, well...
- Don't evade the question.

Did you break it?

- Uh, yes.
- You're fired!

[YELLING]

And stop crying.

[CRYING]

Oh, don't act like a baby.
You've been fired before.

Yeah, but not from
two jobs in one day.

What do you mean two jobs?

I was moonlighting, as a waitress
at night and it's all your fault.

My fault? Why is it my fault?

Because I had to earn the money
to pay for your broken television set.

And now you're f*ring me.

[SOBBING]

Will you stop blubbering?

All right, I won't fire you.

Oh.

Oh, that's nice of you.

Nice, my foot.

If you're out of a job, you won't be
able to pay me for my television set.

That's what I mean.

Well, uh, how much
do I have to pay you?

Well, now, let me see.

I'll deduct $ a week from
your salary until it is all paid off.

Twenty-five dollars a week?

Well, that doesn't even
give me enough to live on.

What are you trying to
do, starve me to death?

Oh, don't give me ideas.

- Now, then, we are going...
- Good morning.

Oh, Mr. Cheever, sir.
Well, how nice to see you.

I didn't expect to
see you at all, sir.

I didn't come here to see you,
I came to see your secretary.

- What has she done now?
- A wonderful thing.

Well, if she has done
anything to discredit this bank,

you may discharge her.

- What did she do?
- Yes, what did I do?

That boy you helped last
night happen to be the son

of one of our largest
depositors, Walter Watkins.

How did you know I
helped Tommy last night?

Well, his father called this morning
to tell me how pleased he was

to be associated with a bank

who had so many civic-minded
people in their employ.

Oh, he was most
appreciative, Mrs. Carmichael.

Oh, I'm glad. Heh.

And as a reward, he wants
you to have this little gift.

Oh, Mr. Watkins
didn't have to do this.

CHEEVER: Well, he wanted to.
- Oh, ho.

- Go on, open it up.
- Oh, yes, sir.

Oh, Mooney, we should
be very proud of this girl.

- She is a credit to our bank.
- I've always said that, sir.

Oh, a television set.

Oh, this is the nicest
gift I've ever received.

- And I hope you enjoy it.
- Oh, I will, I will.

Ah, ha, ha. Mooney,
she is a gem.

Oh, gee, Mr. Mooney,
isn't this a wonderful gift?

Yes, it is, Mrs. Carmichael.

And in view of
the circumstances,

I'm not going to deduct
any money from your salary,

and you will not
have to buy a new set.

- I won't?
- No.

I'll take this one.

Oh, no. You can't. It's mine.

Very well. It's yours.

Enjoy it while you're standing in
line outside the unemployment office.

- Oh, okay, it's yours.
- Good.

Now, then, wrap it up
again. I'll take it home.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello. Who?

Well, send him in. Yeah.

- Mr. Mooney?
- Yes, sir. What can I do for you?

My name is Burton, and I
own Phil's Fatboy Barbecue.

And, uh, I'd like to
borrow a thousand dollars.

MOONEY: A thousand
dollars? BURTON: Well, now,

I don't want you to think that I'm a
bad businessman or anything like that.

But, you see, everything
was going along just swell,

until a couple of nights ago, I
hired a redheaded Calamity Jane,

and I went from drive-in
to disaster area like that.

- Redheaded Calamity Jane.
- You're correct, sir.

[CHUCKLES]

Mrs. Carmichael.

Mrs. Carmichael,
come out. Come on.

Come on, Mrs. Carmichael.

That's a good girl.
Stand up, stand up.

- I want you to meet my secretary.
- Oh, charmed.

Turn around, Mrs. Carmichael.

You!

My television set!

Let me at her. I'll k*ll her!

No, no, you can't do that!

Oh, thank you, Mr. Mooney.

You stand in
line. I'll k*ll her first!

No! No, no, Mr. Mooney!

- No, Mr. Mooney, no!
- I will k*ll you first!

[ANNOUNCER READS ON-SCREEN TEXT]