06x24 - Lucy and the 'Boss of the Year' Award

[bunniefuu]

[ANNOUNCER READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]

ANNOUNCER:
Co-starring Gale Gordon.

- Good morning, Mr. Mooney.
- Good morning, Mrs. Carmichael.

Would you like some
coffee and Danish?

No, this morning let's pretend that
this is a bank and not a snack bar.

Yes, sir.

Now would you kindly get busy
and make a list of the appointments

- I have away from the office today.
- Yes, sir.

[YAWNS]

What's the matter,
Mr. Mooney, you didn't sleep?

I drove Mrs. Mooney to the
airport at : this morning.

Oh, I thought her
flight was this afternoon.

I wanted to make sure
she wouldn't miss it.

How long is she
going to be gone?

She'll be visiting her
mother for about a month.

I arranged the whole
trip as a birthday present.

Oh, I didn't know
it was her birthday.

- It's my birthday.
- Oh.

Well, congratulations.

Say, you just might get a
big surprise for your birthday.

What do you mean?

Well, last night when I went to deliver
some papers to Mr. Cheever's office,

he wasn't there, see,

and there just happened
to be a letter on his desk

and I just happened to let
it catch my eye, you know?

And my eye just happened
to catch what it said.

And it said...

Mrs. Carmichael.

Snooping like that is unethical,
immoral and downright dishonest.

Then you don't want to
know what the letter said?

Every word.

It said that the president
of our San Francisco bank

is retiring at the
end of this month

and that it's up to Mr. Cheever
to select a replacement for him.

President of the San
Francisco branch.

That job could only be handled
by an outstanding executive.

A man of integrity
and intelligence.

Oh, then you don't want the job?

I was talking about me.

Oh, well, then before
he considers anyone else,

why don't you go to him first

and tell him how much
you'd like the opportunity?

Because if I bring it up, he'll
know that somebody was snooping

around his desk.

You could do it without him
knowing that you know about the letter.

How?

Well, just drop a little hint, you
know, when you're around him.

Like how you'd love
to head up a bank

and how you'd love to be a
wonderful executive like he is.

I am not the kind of man who
would stoop to hinting or deviousness.

I just thought if you'd
butter him up a little.

And I am too proud
to butter up the boss!

- Now...
- Mooney!

Oh, Mr. Cheever!

Mooney, I have just closed the
Benson deal and on our terms.

Incredible! Mr. Cheever, you
certainly know how to get things done.

It is amazing that just one man

could have so much vitality,
perseverance and executive ability.

Well, Mooney, I've never
been showered with such praise.

Or butter.

Just, uh, keep busy, get
these contracts in the mail.

You know, Mr. Cheever, it's executives
like you who inspire ambition in others.

You make a man like
me want to be like you.

Doing what you're doing.

Doing what I'm doing?

Being president of a bank,
running the whole show!

Mooney, if you're thinking of
taking over my job, forget it!

You and your advice! Now
he thinks I'm after his job.

- I was only trying to help.
- Oh, never mind.

- Didn't expect you to say all that.
- I've got to go. I have an appointment.

Oh, and don't forget your
luncheon engagement

with your old, uh, fraternity
brother Mr. Williams.

Oh, yes, Ernie. Good old
Ernie. What a card, he is.

I haven't seen that rascal for
ages. Oh, golly, Ernie. I'll see... Uh...

Just because I won't be here,

that doesn't mean that you
can take a two-hour lunch break.

Oh, don't worry, Mr. Mooney.

I've got so much work, I'll
probably just have to skip lunch.

Well, it won't do you any harm.

Ernie.

Teddy-Boy.

You old Alpha Beta Gamma you.

Alpha Beta Gamma.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Ah-ah.

Rube-it-dee-dee, root-ee-toot-toot
We are the boys of the Institute.

Elephant hide and tiger meat
Don't fall out of the rumble seat!

[BOTH WHOOPING]

Oh, my.

Gee, it's good to see you.

Long time, no see.

- Long time, no see.
- Ha-ha-ha.

Or as the sailor said when his watch
fell overboard, "Long sea, no time."

"Long sea, no time!" Ha-ha-ha!

Oh, I like that.
"Long sea, no..."

Pardon me, would you
gentlemen care for a drink?

Oh, yes, indeed.
What'll you have...

- Ernie? Ernie?
- What?

How about our old
fraternity special?

- Good idea.
- All right.

We'll both have sloe
gin and root beer.

Sloe gin and root beer?

No ice.

Ernie, you rascal you, you
haven't changed a bit since college.

Oh! Ha-ha-ha.

- College, those were the fun days.
- Oh, yeah.

Say, you remember that time I
fixed you up with a blind date?

I told you it was with
the homecoming queen,

but it was that girl sh*t-putter with
the butch haircut and the buck teeth?

[LAUGHING]

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, she had a kooky
name. I can't think of it now.

Clotendorf.

Clotendorf! That's
right, Clotendorf.

You'd think with a name like
that, she'd have changed it.

She did.

It's now Mrs. Mooney.

[CLEARS THROAT]

I didn't know. I'm sorry.

You're sorry.

Well, let's get to
something else.

How about having
some lunch, Ernie?

- Let's look this over.
- Oh, that looks good.

Ernie, listen to this.

"Enter our contest for
Boss of the Year Award.

The title will be awarded
on the basis of the best letter

singing the praises of
the contestant's boss."

Anything I'd write about my
boss, I'd have to write on a wall.

[LAUGHING]

Yeah, yeah, I feel the same way.

But I'm being considered for an
important job in San Francisco.

If I could get this award
for my boss, I'd be set.

Maybe you have somebody down
at the bank who majored in literature

and has a talent for
writing to help you out.

No, I wouldn't want
anyone at the bank to know

- that I'd entered this contest.
- Why not?

They'd think I was
buttering up the boss.

Besides, if I lost, I'd be the
laughing stock of every coffee break.

But if you won,
they'd have to know.

If I won, it wouldn't matter. I'd
be on my way to San Francisco.

- Ha-ha-ha, of course.
- I've got to think about that.

Here you are, gentlemen.

- Sloe gin and root beer.
- Ah.

Only a coward
won't drink it down.

I'd forgotten how good that is.

Hi, Lucy.

Oh, hi Mary Jane. I thought
you were Mr. Mooney.

You ready to leave?

I can't leave till
Mr. Mooney gets back.

But he'll be here
in a few minutes.

What are you trying to hide?

Oh, I was just writing a letter.

The Businessman's Club is
having a contest for Boss of the Year,

and I was hoping I could write a
letter that could win it for Mr. Mooney.

But I don't want
him to know about it.

He's up for a big
job in San Francisco,

and I thought that this award
might impress Mr. Cheever enough

to get Mr. Mooney that job.

The way he treats you and you
want him named Boss of the Year?

- Boy, that's loyalty.
- Loyalty, smoyalty, Mary Jane.

I figure if he goes
to San Francisco,

any new boss I get
will be an improvement.

- Oh, hello, Mr. Mooney.
- Oh, hello, Mrs. Carmichael.

- You know my girlfriend?
- Oh, hello, Baby Jane.

Mary Jane!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, you can run along, Mrs.
Carmichael, I have work to do.

Oh, won't you need me
for dictation or anything?

Oh, no, this work is
of a confidential nature.

It's personal.
Personal. That's all.

- Okay, Mr. Mooney.
- Goodbye, Mr. Mooney.

- Bye, Mary Jane.
- Thank you. Good night.

Good night. Good night.

MOONEY: To look at my boss,
Mr. Cheever, one can see...

To look at my boss, Mr. Cheever,
one can see that he is considerate.

To look at my boss...

To look at my boss, Mr. Cheever,

one can see that he is a
lot like Abraham Lincoln.

Considerate, kind,
and intelligent.

A man of great
character and dignity.

Although bankers have a
reputation as cold, hard businessmen,

our Mr. Cheever operates with
great warmth and compassion.

He is admired for his
ability to get things done.

Among his fellow workers, he is
known as "Cheever the Achiever."

The merry twinkle in his eye
reflects the glorious sense of humor

that endears him to those of
us who serve this faithful man

who is for the people,

of the people and by the people.

[GROANS]

What's the matter, Lucy?

Oh, it's no use.

I can never get this Boss of the Year
letter finished in time for the contest.

Aren't you making
any progress at all?

Well, I was going real
good, and then I got stuck.

Why don't you read me what you
have so far and maybe I can help you.

All right.

"I consider my employer,
Mr. Theodore J. Mooney,

a wonderful boss for
the following reasons..."

- Go on.
- That's where I got stuck.

Oh, it's no use.

I could never write a good enough
letter to win the contest anyway.

Yeah, it's pretty hard to sing the
praises of a boss like Mr. Mooney.

- Hey!
- What?

- That's it!
- What's it?

Sing the praises.

Maybe I should write my
letter in the form of a song.

Oh, you mean, like lyrics?

Yeah, that would really be
singing the praises of my boss.

That's a wonderful idea, Lucy.

We think of songs that describe what
working for Mr. Mooney is really like.

How about "Plenty of Nothing"?

I mean songs that
are complimentary.

Like what?

Well, uh, how about:

[SINGING] Who's
wonderful, who's marvelous?

Mr. Mooney!

Hey, that's cute. I'll
write that down. Yes.

And, uh,

[SINGS] When the Mooney
comes Over the mountain

Very good, yeah.

Oh! How about:

[SINGS] Mooney, how I love you,
how I love, you, my dear boss Mooney

- Yeah!
- That's good. Good.

Ah, uh:

[SINGS] I'm in love
with Mr. Mooney

I might be able
to use that, yeah.

[SINGS] Mooney and roses

Ohh.

LUCY: Is that good?
- Yes.

Oh! And:

[SINGS] Mooney River

You know you have a nice voice.

MEN [SINGING]: You and
your Spanish eyes will wait

For me

[APPLAUSE]

Mooney, will you please
stop playing games

and tell me why you insisted
that I come here tonight?

You know how I
hate these things.

Well, now, Mr. Cheever,
you see that sign?

The Boss of the Year Award?

Yes.

When I got my tickets they
had a little note enclosed

that said that my presence here
tonight would have special significance.

What has that got to do with me?

Well, don't you see, sir?

The whole idea of the
contest is that the contestants

send in complimentary letters
about their employers and the best...

Oh, but why spoil the surprise?

Ohh.

[LAUGHING]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Doesn't that look great?

Oh, Lucy, there's
Mr. Mooney and Mr. Cheever.

- Oh, yes.
- You didn't tell him you entered him

in the contest, did you?

Of course not. Come on.

- Hello.
- Oh, hello.

Hello, Mrs. Carmichael.
What are you doing here?

Well, I thought some of the g*ng
from the bank might be here and...

Would you like to join us?

- Oh, thank you.
- Please do.

[BAND PLAYING UP-b*at MUSIC]

Very nice of you, Mr. Cheever.

Doesn't the place
look wonderful?

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[APPLAUSE]

Thank you.

Now, ladies and gentlemen...

Ladies and gentlemen, the
moment we've all been waiting for:

The Boss of the Year Award.

The winning letter was received from
an employee of the Westland Bank.

Now I would like the contestant
who wrote the winning letter

to step this way, please.

- Lucille Carmichael. LUCY: Aah!

When our contestants were invited
to sing the praises of their boss,

Mrs. Carmichael
took us literally.

[LAUGHING]

And since her words
are set to music

we think it would be a good idea
to let her sing them to you herself.

- Oh, really?
- Oh, yes.

Oh, no.

[SINGING] I'd like to
pay my boss a tribute

Sing his praises loud and clear

As a banker, Mr. Mooney
Has a record you should hear

big loans that
he made last year

accounts that were new

Followed by mortgage
deeds Springing up like weeds

Foreclosed when
they were overdue

There were Christmas clubs
And savings plans he improvised

Compounding, compounding
Interest all the way

New interest rates And
tax rebates he organized

Highly prized by any CPA

He bought big
computers For the auditing

Computing, computing
With no time to lose

Big machines of every size
One human man who multiplies

In case the darn machine
Should blow a fuse

Oh, thanks for the memory

Of a boss I think is great
Not a single cranky trait

He doesn't even holler
On the days I come in late

How lovely he is

Oh, thanks for the memory

Of the patience that he
takes Overlooking my mistakes

He even buys the doughnuts
When I take my coffee breaks

How thoughtful he is

Many's the time
that we quarreled

And many's the
time that he'd f*re me

But then in the
end he'd rehire me

You'll never find

A boss so kind

So thanks for the memory

Of comforts he installs
Like hi-fi in the walls

Not going out to lunch So
he'll be there to take my calls

I thank you so much

It's six short years
That I've worked for him

great months
Filled with cheer

There were happy days
He'd surprise me with a raise

Let's salute the
Boss of the Year

And now let's get
the man up here.

The Boss of the Year,
Mr. Theodore J. Mooney!

Mr. Mooney, I bet I
know how you feel.

Oh, you have no idea.

Folks, I think it would be appropriate
to have the Boss of the Year trophy

presented by his boss,

Mr. Winfield Cheever!

Thank you. Here
you are, Mr. Cheever.

Ah, ha-ha-ha.

I consider it a
privilege and an honor

to present this award
to this employee of mine,

in whom I have had
such confidence and faith.

As a matter of fact, only
this morning, I dictated a letter

appointing Mr. Mooney

the President of the Westland
Bank in San Francisco.

Oh!

Oh, Mr. Mooney,
I'm so excited for you.

However,

as we all know, there
are bigger things in life

than business achievements
and material success.

And seeing this bond of loyalty
between this secretary and her boss,

I am going to see that
Mr. Mooney stays with us

so that our happy family at the
Westland Bank can remain together.

Okay, everybody, let's
hear it for Mr. Mooney!

ALL [SINGING]: Let's
salute the Boss of the Year

[ANNOUNCER READS ON-SCREEN TEXT]