06x05 - Jack & Bill

[bunniefuu]

All I want is an x-ray.

And what else, a wash and a set? This is not a police dog.

Tonight on m*rder, She Wrote.

Hey, get somebody in here! You trying to tell me Johnny Wheeler was into something crooked? And it wasn't just the cookie jar.

I'm getting just a little tired of eating in dingy dives that smell like locker rooms.

Oh, come on, honey.

The dog's been sick.

One little nip and But you go ahead.

I mean, what the hell? How bad can one little nip be? Hold it, fella! I haven't got time to hold it.

Hello.

Welcome again to Cabot Cove.

You know, seeing that little dog reminded me that I owe a letter to a very dear friend, Bill Boyle.

I'm sure you know him.

He used to play linebacker for one of those teams in the "black and blue division" of the NFL.

For 35 years, football was all that Bill knew, and he did it very well until his knees let him down.

Then, like so many talented athletes, he found himself jobless and with very limited prospects.

I'm not sure how he fell into the private eye business, but the truth is, despite the $800 suits and the facade of success, Bill wasn't all that good at it.

Of course, that was before he met Jack.

Now, Jack was But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The relationship between Jack and Bill started when a man named Johnny Wheeler arrived in Los Angeles.

Now, neither Johnny nor the dog that he kept by his side were exactly what they seemed to be.

These guys are weird.

Hey, excuse me.

Hey, you guys better check the john.

There's a couple of guys in there, and I think something funny's going on.

Oh, dear.

"Oh, dear.

" What kind of thing is that to say? What do you mean, "Oh, dear"? Mr.

Boyle, please, one moment.

Well, Mr.

Boyle, I've got some good news and some bad news.

First, the good news.

This year, you will not be required to pay either federal or state income tax.

Yeah? That's terrific.

Bad news is that you could be picked up and jailed at any time on account of vagrancy.

A little CPA humor there, Mr.

Boyle.

The fact is, you're broke.

Of course, no one would suspect it from your surroundings, but if it weren't for your NFL pension, you'd be on food stamps.

Yeah, well, why don't we just keep that between you and me? And the Heartline Finance Company and the Mr.

Big Guy Clothing Store.

Okay, okay, so I'm broke.

This is an up-and-down business.

The "up" part, you heard about that from friends? So I'm a little down on my luck.

Mr.

Boyle, I agreed to handle your books in return for occasional football tickets because of my great admiration for you as a former player.

You don't have to say it like I'm dead.

And because my six sons would disown me if I didn't.

But honestly, Mr.

Boyle, you cannot go on like this.

Guess this means I can't hire Mona back, huh? Your former secretary already holds enough IOUs to put you in receivership.

I'm sorry.

I hope things pick up for you.

Yeah.

Oh! Oh Here.

Here's some tickets for the game tomorrow night.

You and the kids have a good time.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah, hello? Bill? Did I catch you at a bad time? Oh, hi, Celia.

No, no, I'm just going over the condition of my financial empire.

Problems? No, no problems.

I'm just calling to make sure you haven't forgot about dinner tomorrow evening.

Oh, are you kidding? Why don't we go to someplace quiet? Maybe your place.

Our last two dates have been quiet dinners at my place.

Tomorrow evening we're expected at the Sorrentinos'.

The used car salesman? No, Bill, Southern California's most successful new car dealer.

And he just happens to be very interested in a six million dollar property that I represent in Bel Air.

The guy's a stiff.

All he ever talks about are tax write-offs.

And his wife! That bimbo ought to be arrested for impersonating a female.

Bill, these people are important to me.

Please? Now, I know you're gonna find this a little hard to accept, but I'm getting just a little tired of eating in dingy dives that smell like locker rooms.

Oh, come on, honey.

The Field Goal caters to a very high-class clientele.

Right, I could tell by the bowling trophies that line the wall.

Pick me up tomorrow evening, 7:00, shoes shined, smile on your face.

All right, sweetheart.

I'll be there with bells on.

Bill, forget about the bells.

Just wear a tie.

Yeah? What do you mean, "Yeah"? What kind of a greeting is that? Johnny! Hey, I'll be a son of a How's it going, pappy? How you doing, man? Hey, you're skinny.

No, just trim.

How fast you run the 100? Would you believe 9.

3? In full gear? Get out of here.

No, on roller skates.

Jeez, five years.

That's the last time I saw your ugly face.

Where the hell have you been? Well, I just got back from Puerto Rico.

Before that, Rio.

Oh, Bill, say hello to Jack.

Jack, Bill Boyle.

How are you? Oh, he's cute.

How come you didn't get yourself a dog? Hey, speaking of cute, how's Penny? Last I heard, great.

We split.

She went back to Kansas City.

She's got herself a new life.

Sorry to hear that.

I didn't know.

Oh, don't be.

I made a lousy husband.

I know that, too.

So how about you? You married yet, or they still give you funny looks at the Y? Me, married? You gotta be kidding, pappy, especially with him around.

And speaking of him, what I really need is a favor.

You see, I got a little errand to run, and I can't take Jack with me, and I was wondering maybe I could leave him with you No.

I got a 2:00.

Heavy surveillance.

Look It's nothing I can talk about.

I can be back before 2:00.

I guarantee you.

I promise.

For old times.

Come on, Johnny, you're always doing this Boyle, Boyle, he's our man.

If he can't do it, nobody can.

See you in a couple, pappy.

Yeah, yeah, we did that already.

Relax, will you? A couple of hours passed and Bill realized that it was coming uncomfortably close to his 2:00 surveillance.

Okay, fella, I give up.

You wanna go for a walk? We'll go for a walk.

Now just keep your yap shut and don't give me any trouble.

Bill's idea of a dog was a German shepherd or a Doberman.

It certainly wasn't that dainty little frou-frou that pranced along at his side.

When I need a helper, Curly, I'll let you know.

Mister, can you do me a favor? Call off your dog.

Now, wait a second, honey.

In the first place, this is not my dog.

I'm just watching him.

And in the second place, that beast of yours seems to be causing all the trouble.

Wrong.

Edgar is basically very gentle.

He just spent six months in obedience school.

Yeah, well, you better go back and get his diploma.

Shut up, Jack.

Jack, knock it off.

Edgar, sit.

Jack, sit.

He's really a beautiful dog.

I presume he's papered.

Yeah, well, he didn't do anything in my office, if that's what you mean.

What? Look, honey, what I know about dogs, you can stick in your ear.

I'm just dog-sitting for a friend.

But believe me, if I ever got one of my own, it'd be someone like him.

Oh, terrific.

Is something wrong? No, no, I'm just taking some sh*ts for the Sunday supplement.

You know, theater in LA, who's who, what's what.

That's very nice, but aren't you supposed to take the cap off the lens before you sh**t? You understand what I'm telling you? I'm embarrassed.

I mean, you're probably a very nice dog for some people, but I gotta tell you, Jack If that's your real name, and I don't think it really is.

I think it's something like Pierre or Percival, right? I don't know what the hell Johnny is doing with a dog that has your kind of hairdo.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

I've been looking for this.

Oh, this is terrific, just terrific.

What did you find there, fella? The guy who did this? Bring him on over here.

I'd like to talk to him.

Must be a little guy, huh? You know what this is, dummy? This is my lunch.

Let me guess.

You're hungry.

Too bad.

This isn't pâté de foie gras, pal.

This is liverwurst on rye with mayonnaise.

Okay.

Okay, here.

If you get sick to your stomach, bark twice and I'll hold you out the window.

Come in.

Excuse me, but my goodness.

Do you do windows, honey? How about floors? As you can see, I'm very messy.

Mr.

Boyle? Yeah, I'm Bill Boyle.

I'm Maria.

Maria Wheeler.

Wheeler? Johnny's wife.

He said to tell you he's very sorry, but he got tied up.

He asked me to come by for the dog.

Oh, you mean Marmalade.

Yeah, Marmalade.

He said to tell you that he'd call you later and thanks for watching Marmalade.

Yeah, thanks.

Hey, before you leave, you mind if I make a phone call? Oh, well, we are in something of a hurry.

Yeah, well, this won't take long.

See, my brother-in-law, he's a lieutenant with the Los Angeles police, and even though he's not technically into dognapping, he might be curious about a woman who shows up claiming to be married to a bachelor, who doesn't even know the name of her own dog.

Well, you see, Mr.

Boyle, I do have identification.

Well, I'd rather see a driver's license, but Hey, stop that! Stop that, do you hear? Stop that! Here! This is dreadful! A lady isn't safe anywhere.

I'm calling the police.

Yes, I'm calling them.

Bill? Lou, I haven't got time.

If it's about golf on Sunday, the answer's yes.

It's not about golf.

Where'd you get the pooch? In a gumball machine.

Would you mind? I'm chasing this woman.

What else is new? Look, do you know a guy, about your age, black hair, mustache? I know a lot of them.

Well, this guy is down in County General.

He's got two slugs in his chest.

The only thing he would say to me is two words, "Bill Boyle.

" Don't worry about your dog.

He'll be fine in the car.

Did I say I was worried? Hey, get somebody in here! Three IV bags.

Now, what the hell does that mean? I mean, three of them.

Well, all things considered, that was not one of Bill Boyle's best days.

One of his dearest friends, Johnny Wheeler, was dead, m*rder*d by persons unknown except to Johnny, who left behind an enigmatic clue, three intravenous bags clutched in his grasp as he lay dying.

Things didn't get any better that evening when Bill went for supper with his ex-brother-in-law, Police Lieutenant Lou Brickman.

I think Blitz wants to come out.

Blitz stays where he is.

Why does Blitz have to stay in the laundry room? Why doesn't he go in the laundry room? Because Jack is a guest, honey.

It's funny, Bill.

I never knew you liked dogs.

I don't.

I was talking to Penny the other day.

She said she finally got a dog, now that it's just her alone in that big house in Kansas City.

Knock it off, Marge.

Well, I was just saying We know what you were just, Marge.

Blitzkrieg, shut up! I can't listen to that.

Then go do your homework, both of you.

Dad, it's August.

We don't have homework.

Then go watch television.

All that's on is the news.

Then watch the news.

You'll learn something.

Now scram.

I gotta talk to your Uncle Bill.

Excuse me, I'm going with the children.

The children need me.

Look, Lou, I'm sorry about the dog.

Forget it.

What I want to know about is your friend Johnny Wheeler, where he came from, why he was k*lled.

He didn't tell you what he was doing in town? Only that he just got in from Puerto Rico, that he had an appointment and would I watch his dog.

We checked every airline, every steamship company.

There was nobody named Johnny Wheeler on any incoming passenger list from Puerto Rico.

I'm telling you what he told me.

So maybe he didn't use his own name.

Why would he do that? You trying to tell me Johnny Wheeler was into something crooked? Forget it.

Johnny was the original Straight Arrow.

Well, since when did Straight Arrow use the name Bruce Forrester? That's right.

A stewardess identified Wheeler's picture as Forrester, except she wasn't positive because Forrester wore dark glasses.

He was posing as a blind man.

But she remembers the dog.

Your friend was into something, and it wasn't just the cookie jar.

It was embarrassing.

Even the kids didn't like you, nice kids who like dogs.

But you, you're something else.

Believe me, soon as I figure out what's going on around here, you're going to the pound.

No, no, no, no.

Don't give me that stuff.

With your luck, some little old lady from Pasadena will pick you out of the lineup and it'll be all T-bones or snails or whatever it is you eat for the rest of your life.

Come on, Robespierre, let's move it.

Hey, Bill.

Grab a towel and join us.

I'd like to, ladies, but there doesn't look like enough room.

Oh, I think we can squeeze you in.

Listen, stay or sit or whatever, you understand? Don't move.

Now, what I want to know is how come four of the airline's finest are winding up the evening without male companionship.

Because we're wiped out.

Or did you forget? Thursday's our water polo night.

Oh.

You know, just a few minutes in here and those sore muscles will begin to relax.

The poisons will be dragged from your worn-out body.

Who says it's worn-out? It must be.

We haven't seen much of it lately.

Oh, yuck! What's that? I told you to stay, dummy.

Oh, he is cute.

Is he yours, Bill? Well Knock it off.

Oh, he is adorable, Bill.

Really, he's real sweet.

Thanks.

Yeah, well, I'll see you, girls.

Night, Bill.

Night, doggie.

Anybody ever tell you you're a pain in the keister? You know, I been thinking, Jack.

What you need is a good GI haircut.

What is it now, the cat next door? Don't worry, sport, the kitty won't hurt you.

Will you cut it out? Sugarman hears you barking like that and we'll both be sleeping in the car tonight.

If you wanna live, then you'll give it to us now! Give you what? We checked both of Wheeler's bags.

It wasn't there! Now, he gave it to you, and we want it! Get the dog! The dog! Give it to us! Sit! Jack, Jack, come back here! What the hell do they want you for? Having foiled the clumsy attempt at dognapping, Bill began to suspect that there might be more to Jack than met the eye.

A lot more.

The first thing the next morning, after telephoning Lieutenant Brickman, Bill took Jack to the police kennel.

Look, buddy, my brother-in-law is Detective Lieutenant Louis Brickman.

I don't care if your mother is the Mayor's girlfriend.

All I want is an x-ray.

And what else, a wash and a set? This is not a police dog.

How do you know? Maybe he's in disguise.

Go away, mister.

I'm busy.

Bill.

Lou, will you tell this guy Lieutenant, you can tell me anything you like, but there's no way I'm gonna x-ray anybody's pet poodle.

Sorry, Doc, but this piece of paper says you will.

Maybe a little rinse.

Okay, you've checked his collar, his leash, his license, and now you've checked his gastric system.

Are you satisfied? Look, a bunch of g*ons are after him.

Why? I don't know why.

Well, neither do I, but I'm gonna find out.

And maybe get yourself k*lled.

Bill, those guys last night, they weren't kidding around.

Now, why don't you leave the dog here? He'll be safe.

Oh, Lou, knock it off.

Whoever k*lled Johnny is coming after poochie, and when they do, they're gonna have to come through me.

I'm sorry, Mr.

Baxter, you're going to have to take that up with Mr.

Boyle's business manager.

He writes all the checks.

Mmm-hmm.

Sir, if you feel you have to repossess the office furniture, just come ahead.

Uh Didn't I just finish Didn't I just finish telling you? Mr.

Boyle is out of town on an important case.

He won't be back for several weeks.

Yes.

You just do that, pal.

Mona, it's great to have you back.

I can tell.

Things have gone downhill since I left.

Who's he? A client.

Where'd he find you, in the Yellow Pages? It's a long story.

What happened to the job at the ad agency? It didn't work out.

I told them what I thought of one of their clients.

Around this place, that's no problem.

So, should we call the garbage company or just heave this stuff out the window? Well, let's see what we can save.

I called my mother.

I told her I was coming back.

She says, "Mona, what, are you crazy? "Come home.

Stay with me awhile.

" I says, "Ma, what do you think, I'm crazy?" I think she's got her bags packed, ready for a visit.

What did you say? I said I called my mother.

I said, "Ma " Bags.

What? The guy said they checked both of Wheeler's bags.

What guy? Both.

Two.

But Johnny had three IV bags in his hand.

Who's Johnny? That's what Johnny was trying to tell me.

Three bags, not two.

They only got two claim checks.

He must have destroyed the other one.

Come on, boy, let's go.

Bill, wait.

What are you talking about, and where are you going? To check out some luggage.

Do what you can, huh? Thanks a lot.

"Hi, Mona.

Nice to have you back.

" Don't mention it.

"Did you do something to your hair?" Oh, just a rinse.

"Looks nice.

" Thanks, Bill.

You always did have a way with words.

Yeah? I'm here to pick up a bag.

Claim check.

I haven't got it, but I can tell you the flight number.

No claim check, no bag.

Jack, go find it.

Hey, he can't go in there.

Gee, he just got away.

Call your dog, mister.

Humphrey.

Oh, Humphrey? I'll go get him.

I'll get him.

Hey, amigo, you do what you want, but the thing is, the dog's been sick.

Rabies, I think, and the doctor says one little nip and But you go ahead.

I mean, what the hell? How bad can one little nip be? Okay, you get that leash on him and get him out of here, you understand? Right.

Hey, you can't do that.

Easy, mister.

"I don't want any " Something.

"Get " Something.

"And his group.

"I trust them.

" The other man is speaking now.

"No, no, it must be the 25th, "at precisely 7:30.

"It's the only chance we will get.

"These are your tickets on flight 21.

" Somebody, I didn't get that, " will join you there.

"She will have the weapons.

" All right, this is where the guy must have spotted the camera.

You see it? Now the other guy turns, just for a second.

Back it up.

Freeze it, Eddie.

Mr.

Browder? I've seen enough.

Lights.

Mrs.

Freise, thank you so much for your help.

We'll call you if we need you again.

Certainly.

Anytime.

Thank you.

We've been trying to run a check on those characters, Mr.

Browder, but so far, no luck.

Yeah, well, these people are more often the Agency's responsibility than yours, Lieutenant.

The Agency? I thought you were a cop.

Yeah, well, the international kind.

Government issue, Mr.

Boyle.

So was your friend Johnny Wheeler.

Johnny worked for the oil company.

Yeah, and for us.

Johnny was k*lled because, well, he was onto something big.

The man whose face we can see is Stephen Bowman.

He's sort of an international He's a gangster.

Obviously Bowman has hired this man whose face we can't see to k*ll someone here in the United States on the 25th, which, unfortunately, is today.

Here in Los Angeles? Possibly.

Flight 21 stops first in Los Angeles, then it goes on to San Francisco.

We'll have them alerted.

Yeah, if it's not too late.

I think that if there had been a major assassination at 7:30 this morning, we'd have known about it.

Bowman has hired this man, someone we don't know, to k*ll someone else, we don't know who, someplace, we don't know where, at 7:30 this evening.

Mr.

Boyle, on behalf of the Agency, we are grateful for your help.

Without you, we would never have been able to find the film in the fishing reel.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, well, we'll be in touch if we need you.

Thank you very much.

Hey, Boyle, forget something? ¿Quién es? Maria.

Clear.

Where's Ramon? He's getting the credentials.

Paulo, we can't go ahead with this.

We have no choice.

But we haven't found the film.

And maybe they haven't either.

Even if they have, Wheeler never photographed my face.

I'm sure of it.

You don't know that! It makes no difference.

It must be tonight.

You know that, Maria, and you know why.

Hey.

Hey, Boyle! Boyle! Boyle.

What do you say, Mr.

Sugarman? Say? What do I have to say? I'll tell you what I have to say.

I say what the hell's going on around here, huh? Last night, you and three other guys, you tear the place apart.

You demolished an entire window that cost about 200 bucks.

Yeah, well, if you had any kind of security around here, you'd still have your lousy window.

Yeah, well, we have a reputation around here.

I know that, but even so, it hasn't hurt your business any.

Don't worry about it.

I'll pay for the window.

Yeah? Well, it'll be the first time in seven months you paid for anything.

Now, look, Boyle, the owners just let you stay here free of rent because they think that you're some kind of celebrity.

Well But they want something in return, and that is, they wanna see you around sometime, all right? Now, what about Sunday? The Samoan Luau.

What about Tuesday, huh, with the Disco Delight, huh? Yeah, I got tied up.

Well, look, there are rules around here.

No pets.

What are you doing with that? He followed me home from the supermarket.

Funny.

Funny.

Let me tell you something, old-timer.

It's been five seasons since you've been on the gridiron, all right? You're getting to be yesterday's news.

Now, if you don't play ball and get rid of the fur ball, it's going to be arrivederci.

Hey.

What is that? What's the matter with him? Must be your cologne.

Oh, get rid of him.

Now, listen, Sugarman, the dog goes when I say he goes.

And as for this plywood palace of yours, it's not that great, so get off of my back or I'll be the one who's saying arrivederci.

Get, get Get away from me! Jack, cut it out.

Jack, sit! Either the dog goes or the both of you go.

What was that all about? Well, never mind.

Come on.

Come on, Jack.

Well, what do you eat, pal? Dog food? Fresh out.

Sorry.

No dog biscuits, either.

What? You like eggs? Yeah? How do you like them? I'll tell you how you like them.

You like them scrambled.

Now, I know this is gonna come as a great shock to you, but I'm gonna have to leave you home here tonight, because I have a date with a very, very shapely young lady.

I mean, she is very Well, I guess you wouldn't know anything about stuff like that.

Then again, you been hanging around with Johnny Wheeler, so I'm not sure I'd bet on that.

And tomorrow, I'm gonna find you a place to stay.

No, no, I'm not gonna send you to the pound.

I was just kidding about that.

No, the thing is, I know a few gals, any one of whom would eat you up with a spoon.

Believe me, Jack, I am doing you the biggest favor of your life.

Boyle.

Bill, it's me.

I'm just getting ready to take a shower.

Well, forget about it.

Dinner's off.

With the Sorrentinos? Oh, gee, Celia, I been looking forward to that all day.

Listen, do not bust my chops, big fella.

This has been one lousy day.

Not only is Kenny Sorrentino not going to buy that Bel Air estate, los federales picked him up this afternoon on charges of tax evasion, after I spent the last six weeks buttering up to that tinhorn ganef.

Well, look at it this way.

You've still gotta eat.

What do you say I bring in some Chinese and a movie, we do a little egg fu yung, a little mushu pork, then we cuddle up on the sofa, ignore the movie Okay.

Be at my place at 7:30.

Now, that's what I call a date.

See you, babe.

And to think I used to say nasty things about the IRS.

Listen, I hate to leave you, pal, but like I told you, I got a heavy date.

So don't wait up for me.

Oh, knock it off.

You want Sugarman getting the dogcatcher over here? You want me getting evicted? Just lay down and go to sleep or something.

You gonna keep this up all night? Okay.

Okay, you win.

But if you think I'm showing up for this date with you on my arm, you are sadly mistaken.

I have an image to maintain, and you are no part of it.

I have a guy who He's a buddy.

He'll probably look after you for a couple of hours.

Maybe even a couple of years.

I should be so lucky.

Bill, what the hell do I want a watchdog for? And if I did, which I don't, it sure wouldn't be that watchdog.

Shows what you know, Cricket.

This dog happens to have been trained by an agent of the US Government.

Who, the mailman? By a CIA operative.

I haven't been robbed by any spies lately.

Thanks anyway.

Hey, Cricket, hit me again here, huh? And turn up the sound on the TV, huh? Well, don't look at me like that.

I'm doing the best I can.

What, are you hungry again? And we're all looking forward to a terrific game tonight.

And now let's go downstairs for an update.

And earlier this evening, the Raiders announced they have a special guest for this evening's final preseason clash against the Steelers.

President Alberto Ruiz arrived here at the Coliseum minutes ago with beefed-up security provided by the US Government.

President Ruiz is making his first visit to this country since his rebel army overthrew the previous dictatorship last year.

The President is reported to be a big football fan.

No wonder.

He studied here in the States as an undergraduate and set several school rushing records.

Are the Raiders talking contract? Perhaps President Ruiz will tell us.

His press secretary has promised the President will come here for an impromptu news conference immediately following the game.

I'll have a live report.

Now back upstairs.

That's her.

That's the dame.

Excuse me.

Hey, pal, how you doing? Yeah, put me through to Lieutenant Brickman.

Yeah, well, where is he? Oh, sorry.

This is Bill Boyle.

I'm his brother-in-law.

I Yeah.

Yeah, the real Bill Boyle.

Where is The Coliseum? Thanks.

Cricket, put it on my tab.

And if Celia calls, tell her Tell her I'll get there when I get there.

The whistle is blown, and that's the two-minute warning.

Sorry, Mac, this entrance is closed.

Where's Lieutenant Brickman? He's on the upper level.

Yeah, I'm Bill Boyle.

I'm his brother-in-law.

I gotta see him.

Bad Bill Boyle? Sure.

I didn't recognize you.

Look, I'm sorry, but I don't think I can let you through.

Yeah, well, you better, pal, 'cause somebody's gonna end up dead.

I'll check it out for you.

Yeah, well, I haven't got time for that.

Tell him I'm coming up.

Hey, wait! Wait a minute.

You can't take that dog! Hold it, fella! I haven't got time to hold it.

Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Break it up! Break it up, will you? What the hell is going on? The dame who tried to pass herself off as Johnny Wheeler's wife, she's one of the reporters.

Then Browder was right.

The target is Ruiz.

And he's having a press conference after this game.

That's where they're gonna try.

Come on.

That's her.

We're busted, man.

Everyone, back off! Come on, man! Back off! Get away from the door! Arrivederci, Jack.

Not bad, big guy.

We can still make the second half.

This is dumb.

I don't even know the guy.

Probably just wants to thank you and your dog.

Not my dog.

Well, just be your own gracious self, Mr.

Boyle.

Mr.

Ruiz is a big admirer of yours.

Oh, yeah? Well, that's different.

Do I look okay? Yeah, you look just fine, just fine.

possibility as Permit me, please.

Mr.

Bad Bill Boyle.

What an infinite pleasure it is to meet you at last.

The greatest of pro football's monster men.

I'm certainly happy to meet you, Mr.

President.

And you have my gratitude, Mr.

Boyle.

Please.

For a year now, agents of the former regime have vowed to k*ll me.

It was their boast that I would die on the 25th of this month at precisely 7:30, the very moment the dictator, one year ago today, took his own life.

Shut up, Jack.

You're involved in a dangerous business, Mr.

President.

And you are not, Mr.

Boyle? Football prepares us to How do you say? Tough it out.

Now, look, Jack The bottle! Got it.

I think maybe we're gonna need the b*mb squad.

Oh, I think so.

There was enough expl*sives in that bottle to k*ll everybody in the room.

Including the waiter.

Gerardo Martinez.

A t*rror1st and fanatic.

If he was willing to blow himself up, I guess he is.

Well, he was hired by Bowman to do the dirty work.

We'll get Bowman, sooner or later.

I guess he didn't count on having to mix it up with Superdog.

Yeah, tough little cuss, isn't he? Well, he was trained by the best.

Sure was.

Mmm-hmm.

Lieutenant, the situation is neutralized.

Well, I guess Johnny must have relatives somewhere.

They'd probably like the dog.

Oh, no, no.

Johnny was alone, Mr.

Boyle.

Well, I'm sure some family would like him.

You take care of it.

Well, I'm afraid that wouldn't be possible.

You see, Jack has been carefully trained since birth to do undercover work.

Now, we couldn't allow him to live with a civilian family.

It'd be too dangerous.

He's been taught too many signals, too many att*ck commands.

So I found out.

Mmm-hmm.

So then you understand why he'd have to be terminated.

Terminated? You mean Yeah, terminated.

No way, pal.

Johnny handed me the dog.

He's my responsibility.

Oh, now, Mr.

Boyle, I'm very serious about this dog.

So am I.

Now, listen, I don't want you to think this is gonna be permanent or anything, because it isn't.

I mean, I'm a guy on the go.

I haven't got time to nursemaid any stupid dog.

You understand that, don't you? Okay, just as long as we've got that straight.

So what about those other words? You gonna let me know what they are or just surprise me? Jack, att*ck.

k*ll.

Sic 'em.

Bubblegum.

Yogi Berra.

Hey, dummy, how long is this gonna take?