04x14 - A Grave Mistake/Leader of the Rack

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Loud House". Aired: May 2, 2016 - present.*
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Series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of a boy named Lincoln Loud, who is the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.
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04x14 - A Grave Mistake/Leader of the Rack

Post by bunniefuu »

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house

♪ In the Loud house

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud

♪ Loud house

- Poo-poo.

[rock music]



[wolf howls]

- [panting] Hurry, Fangs.
We're gonna be late.

- Good evening, fellow members
of the Morticians' Club.

I've called this meeting
because I have terrible news.

- Terrible news!
- I love terrible news!

[Fangs squeals]
- [shushing]

- Oh, no, no, no,
in this case,

the terrible news is nothing
to be excited about.

My father accepted a job
as a lifeguard

on the SS "Funtimes
Party Cruise."

[keyboard plays
dark organ tune]

And since I cannot legally
separate from them...

[keyboard plays]

I must move with
my sun-tanned family.

[glissando]

[overlapping gasps, apologies]

Thank you, dear friends,
but please,

dwell not on my misfortune.

Instead, let us focus
on more important matters...

[clears throat]

[keyboard plays]

Try and keep up, Boris.

More important matters like,

who will replace me
as president?

all: Gasp.
- Gasp.

[Fangs squeals]

- I have, however,
already chosen my successor.

[Fangs squeals]
I really think she's earned it.

So please welcome
our new president, Haiku!

- [squeals]

- Haiku, do you accept?

- So unexpected, but an honor
to bang the skeleton gavel.

That was a haiku I just wrote.

- Boris?

[keyboard plays]

[shattering]

- It's not right
that Bertrand picked

Haiku to be president over me.

She just turned goth last year.

- Yeah, and you've
been planning funerals

since you were two.

It is unfair!

- Exactly.
Thank you.

- I think you should
stick up for yourself.

Tomorrow morning,
tell Bertrand

that you're interested
in the job too.

He might listen.

- All right, I'll do it!

[organ music]

- Gloomy morning, everyone.
I have an announcement.

I've thought it over
and I, too,

would like to be considered
for president.

- Huh?
- What?

- I think I'd do a great job.

After all, who stays late
to make sure

the dissecting forceps
are put away?

And who thought
of our group motto,

"Keep Calm and Embalm?"

And who carried our team in
the gravedigging competition?

both: You did.
- You dug an -footer.

- Yes, Lucy, you've made
a good case for yourself.

How about this?

After school,
the club will meet,

and we shall put it
to a vote?

- [gasping]

- Good morning,
Royal Woods Elementary!

Clyde McBride here with my
sidekick, your school mascot.

Give it up
for Ricky the Rooster!

Ricky, how about giving
the students

a good morning
cock-a-doodle-doo?

Ow!

Ricky, wait!

Remember your condition!

No! [groaning]
[Ricky crows frantically]

- All I need is four votes
and I can win this thing.

I better do some campaigning.

Have a nice sleep,
Fangs.

[dramatic organ music]

Listen Dante,
if I win the presidency,

I'm planning a field
trip to Casket Con.

- Really?
Tickets are so hard to get.

You've got my vote.

[yelps, groans]

Still got my vote!

- So, I can guarantee
we'll serve funeral potatoes

at every meeting.

My dad's recipe is to die for.

- Okay.
I'll vote for you.

both: Wash first.

- Matching capes
would be nice,

but I'm still voting for Haiku.

Sorry.
- But why?

- She wrote
a very beautiful haiku

about my pet crow, Thorn.

- But writing a poem

doesn't make you
a great president.

There's a lot more
that goes into it.

Oh.

- Thorn is very fond
of the haiku.

[keyboard plays]
- If I'm elected president,

I'm gonna move
some club money around

and buy you a new keyboard.

- That would be amazing,
Lucy,

but if you're looking
for my vote, it's too late.

Haiku promised
she'd take the club

for a ride in a hearse.

- Pfft. It's just her parents'
station wagon painted black.

- Well, what can I tell you?

- [groans]

- [hums]

- Hey, Lincoln.
- Oh!

Hey, Lucy.
So what'd Bertrand say?

- We're going to vote tonight.
- Hey, that's great!

- No, it's not great.

Haiku and I each have
three votes,

which means Bertrand
will have to break the tie.

And of course
he'll choose Haiku again.

- Aww man,
I'm sorry, Lucy.

At least you gave it
your best sh*t.

- I can't give up yet!

Haiku doesn't know what's best
for the club, but I do.

- Too bad you don't
have one more member

who could vote for you.

I walked right into this one,
didn't I?

- The results are in, and well,
it appears we have a tie.

Lucy and Haiku
each have three votes.

As sitting president,
it is my duty to choose the--

- [raspy voice]
Is this the Morticians' Club?

[all gasp]
- Lincoln?

What in Hades' handbag
are you doing here?

- Oh, well,
I was hoping to join you guys.

I've really taken an interest
in death lately.

Ah, dead snake!

That was an excited scream.

- Really, Lucy?
Your normie brother?

- Why, I'm as surprised
as you are.

- Very well.

As a new member, I suppose
he may vote in our current--

- I vote for my sister,thanks.

- Oh, wow.
Guess that means I won.

[suspenseful music]



[school bell rings]

- This is awesome,
Fangs!

My first day as president.

I can hardly wait to read
the opening obituaries.

- [sobbing]
Why? Why? Why?

- Clyde?
- Oh, uh, morning, Lucy.

This bush is where I go
when I need a good cry.

- What happened?

- You know our school mascot

and my morning announcement
buddy, Ricky the Rooster?

- With the fractured wattle,

the artificial heart,
and the gout?

- Yes.

He--he--he went
to the big barn in the sky!

- I'm so sorry
for your loss, Clyde.

- Thank you.

I can't believe it
was only yesterday

he did this to my arm.

I miss him so much!

- You know,
the Morticians' Club

could host a funeral
for Ricky to honor him.

I mean,
I'm president now and all.

I'll bring it up
at our meeting tonight.

- Really?
That'd be great.

- It sure would.
I could use some closure.

- It's settled then.

I'll give Ricky
the funeral he deserves.

Hey, where is everyone?
I have big news.

We're planning
Ricky's funeral.

- Sorry, Lucy.
Everybody quit.

- What?

- Yeah,
they left this scroll.

They feel betrayed by you
for stealing the presidency.

- Well, then you and I
will just have

to put on Ricky's funeral
by ourselves.

[clattering, animal cries]

And when they see
how beautiful it is,

they'll realize that
I deserve to be president.

- Not sure that's
the takeaway here.

- Come on,
we've got a lot to do.

[organ music]

We did it, Fangs.

- Miss Loud,
is this some kind of joke?

- Gasp.
My ice sculpture.

- Ricky gave us
a lifetime of service,

and you honor him by making him
look like a giant thumb?

- It looked just
like him this morning.

I didn't know it'd get
this hot today.

- You didn't check the weather?

- What the heck, Lucy?
- What?

Is something wrong
with the refreshments?

- Chicken nuggets?

- Gads!
Lincoln, what happened!

I told you explicitly
to get popcorn,

Ricky's favorite.

- The microwave
in the teachers' lounge

was on the fritz,
so I got these instead.

- And it didn't occur to you

that serving chicken
at a rooster's funeral

might be inappropriate?

- [gulps]
Okay, now I see it.

- [clears throat]

I'd just like
to say a few words

before we get started,
if I may.

[players shouting]

Every morning--
[screams]

I'm okay.
[whistle blows]

- Lincoln, I thought
you reserved this field.

- You said you were going to.

[grunting]

- Sigh.
This is bad.

But I can still turn
this around.

- My last gift to Ricky

will be to send him
to the heavens in this.

[gasping]

Finally, he will get to
experience the joy of flight.

- A trebuchet?
- What?

- Time to go home,
sweet prince.

Fare thee well.

[crowd clamors]

[all yell]

- Hey, he was supposed to go
to the big barn in the sky,

but you put him on
the : a.m. to Cincinnati.

[crowd booing]

- No, no, no, no, no.

- Ugh!
This is atrocious!

- Just the worst!
- Some funeral.

- Wait!
Don't go!

Hold on!
I'm sorry, guys.

This funeral was a complete
disaster and it's all my fault.

It's obvious I'm not
the amazing president

I thought I'd be,

and I'm sorry I made Lincoln
join the club.

It was a cheap trick.

But honestly,
the worst part is,

Ricky deserved
a better good-bye than this.

Sniff.

- You know, Lucy,

maybe it's not too late
to save this funeral.

- Really?

- A president can't
do everything herself.

We are a club, after all.
Let's send Ricky off right.

[dramatic organ music]

- Well, this better be good.

- Thank you, Haiku.

For finding Ricky.
- No problem.

He was just circling the
baggage claim at the airport.

- Thank you, Dante.

- For Ricky,
dusk and its sweet embrace.

It is time.

[keyboard plays organ tune]

- Right on cue.

[crows cawing]

- I called in a favor
for the grand finale.

- ♪ Ricky

♪ Ricky the Rooster

[playing gentle tune]

♪ He was such
a morale booster ♪

♪ Now he's gone
and we're feeling blue ♪

♪ But we'll never forget
his cock-a-doodle-do ♪

♪ Time to let
this old bird fly ♪

♪ C'mon everybody,
let's tell him good-bye ♪

- [sobs]
It's so tasteful!

- What a wonderful
Morticians' Club group effort.

But it was Haiku
who really saved the day.

You know, I think Bertrand
had it right all along.

You should be president.

- Oh, I don't know.

How about two co-presidents,
you and me,

work together
to make a great team.

Uh, that was a haiku
I just wrote.

- I love it.

And I think that's
a great idea.

- Thank you, Royal Woods!
Good night!

[upbeat music]



[car remote clicks]

- [groans]

- Guys,
the way Ms. Carmichael

had us running around
this morning,

I did not think
we'd survive until lunch.

[stomachs growl]

- No joke.
I am beyond starving.

- Where should
we grab food today?

- Ooh, what about
the new dim sum place?

- Oh, dream on.

The line goes
all the way down

to the discount
flip-flops store.

We'd never have enough time.

You know how Ms. C gets if
we're even a millisecond late.

- [groans]

- Well, we better hurry
and pick something else to eat.

- Okay, um, burger.

No.
Smoothie.

Ugh.
So much pressure.

Why can't we have both?

[slurps]

- Yeah, officially
Miguel's worst idea.

- Yeah, these bacon
cheeseburger smoothies

are chewy.

- I'm sorry.
I panicked.

I didn't want
to make us late for Ms. C.

She's such a drillster.

Drill sergeant.
Just made it up.

- That's brill.
- You're learning.

- Seriously.
Ms. C is so nitpicky.

- Fiona, this week's
sweater salute

is Hip, Hip, Hur-Rayon.

These sweaters are cotton.

You need to switch them out
and start again.

Now let's hear that salute.

- Hip, Hip, Hur-Rayon.

- Nice work, Miguel,

but now it's time
to change the mannequins

into their mid-morning attire.

Be sure
to iron everything first

including the inside pockets.

We don't want wrinkles
in our store image, do we?

Chop, chop!

I needed those
unloaded yesterday,

and don't damage the boxes.

I want to reuse them
for my sister's move.

- Ms. C sucks all the fun
out of retail.

Don't you agree, Leni?

- I can see both sides.

I mean, you guys
have legit gripes.

But Ms. C isn't always
demanding.

[cell phone ringtone]

- [groans]
It's her.

"Staff meeting as soon
as you clock in from lunch."

- If that woman mentions
boxes again,

I'll scream!

- "And if you see
any empty boxes

"on your way back
from the food--

[Miguel screams]

- So, exciting news!

I've been selected
to represent our district

at this weekend's
sock-folding conference.

While I'm away, one of you will
cover as temporary manager.

Congratulations.

- [chuckles]
- Oh, wow!

- You want me to read
the name of the new manager

off your clipboard?

- [groans]
- [gasps]

Oh, it's me?

[squeals]
This is like a dream come true.

- Just keep an eye on
the store's calendar of events

and my daily checklist,
and you'll do fine.

I'll be leaving tomorrow,
so you'll start then.

- Oh, my goo--yeah!
- Yeah, way to go, Leni!

- Congratulations, Leni.

I know you're gonna be a way
better boss than Ms. C.

[Miguel and Fiona chuckle]

- [groans nervously]

[brakes squeal]

- Hey, Leni.
Oh, sorry about the smell.

I just dropped off
Lynn's softball team.

Phew!
How was work?

- [sigh]
Great.

Ms. Carmichael made me
the temporary manager.

- Wow.
You don't sound happy about it.

- No, I am.

It's just Miguel and Fiona

think Ms. C is
a zero-fun drillster.

I don't want them to feel
that way about me.

I wanna do a good job
and be a good friend.

Is that even possible?

- Of course it is.

Look, as long as
you're getting the work done,

you can be as fun a boss
as you want.

- [gasps]
Wow, Lori.

You know absolutely everything.

- [chuckles]
I literally do.

Wait.
What's a drillster?

- And I made it clear

I refuse to date anyone
wearing cargo shorts.

- Right?

It's like, what do they need
all those pockets for?

What are they hiding?

Wait, what is all this?

- Ham and scallion scones
with lemon herb chèvre?

My fave breakfast!

- Iced chai latte
with organic coconut milk?

Did we die
and go to retail heaven?

- Good morning,
fashion makers.

- Leni, did you do all of this?

- Just a little something
to help my fave friend-ployees

to get through the day.

- Store funager.
What's a funager?

- This gal right here!
Like a manager, but fun.

I'm gonna make sure work
is totes amazing.

- Well, you're off
to a great start.

- I'll say.

- [chuckles]

- What?
- Nothing.

- Okay, two down.
Only more sweaters to go.

- Well, at least we don't
have the drillster here

telling us what--

- Um, guys,
you're doing it wrong.

As funager, I think
you should be having

way more fun with
a sweater-folding contest.

Winner gets this.

[both gasp]

- Is that a limited edition
Cloris the Loris Sparkle Plush?

- Miguel, you are going down!
- You're on!

I've got nothing to lose!

[both chuckling]

- Welcome to
the mannequins fashion show.

Featuring celeb stylist,
Miguel.

- And here's Tanya,
all glammed up

for some Royal Woods nightlife.

She really dazzles
in a fandango-pink romper

and kicky vinyl boots.

- Runway selfie.
Get in here, Tanya.

- [gasps]

- And restock the fanny packs.
Cha-check.

Guys, that's everything
on Ms. C's list.

- This morning went by so fast.

I can't believe
it's already lunch.

Ready to go, Leni?

- Actually, you go without me.

As funager, I need to stay
and hold down the fort.

- Well, if you're sure.
Let's hurry, Fiona.

We've only got a half hour

and I will not relive
burger-shake incident.

- No.
Wait!

You both worked so hard
this morning

and you got everything done.

So I insist you take
a long lunch.

That way you can try
the new dim sum place.

- Oh, my gosh!

Leni, you are the best boss
in the entire universe.

- I second that.
"And I third it."

- We know you won the Loris,
Miguel.

You don't have to rub it in.

- "Gosh, somebody's angwy."

[cell phone ringtone]
- Hey, Len!

- [screams]
O-M gosh, Lori!

I did what you said.
I was a funager!

This morning was a blast.

We got all the work done,

and Miguel and Fiona
are still my friends.

You really do know everything.

- [chuckles]
I literally do.

Wait, what's a funager?
Leni--

- Bye!

[car honks]

- Hmm?
What is that?

- Oh, yay.

A surprise visit from
Pop Pop and Myrtle.

What the heck is going on?

Saturday, Saturday,
Sat--oh, no!

Today is the annual
Senior Shop-aganza.

How could I forget
the busiest day of the year?

Tanya, I was so busy trying
to make stuff fun

for Miguel and Fiona,
I forgot to check the calendar.

What do I do?

I know, but if I ask them
to come back early from lunch,

I'm a bad friend.

[gasps]
You're right.

You're always right.
I'll call.

- Leni!

- Our dumpling dreams
are about to come true.

All thanks to you.

- Love you, Leni-Bear.
- Best funager ever.

So, what's up?

- Uh, never mind.

I--I just wanted to say hi
to my fave friend-ployees.

Bye!

[groans]

[sighs]
Don't give me that look.

I'll just have to cover
the senior rush--

[groans]
alone.

- [grunts]
Hey, Leni-Penny.

[crowd clamoring]

- Okay, listen up.

I need you to check
the balances

on all these gift cards.

- I'd be happy to.

- k*ll the pep
and get to swiping.

- Hey there, Leni.

- Hi, Pop Pop.
Hi, Myrtle.

- Your Gran Gran here signed
us up for a K marathon.

Don't know how the heck
I'm gonna run , miles.

- [chuckles]
Silly goose.

It's , meters,
not miles.

So Leni, we're gonna need
matching active wear.

- Got it.

Lemme see what we have
in the back.

- Help!
I'm trapped in this hat.

- [strains]

[shrieks]

Tanya, no!
We can fix you!

- Missy!

Stop playing
with that mannequin.

I needed this wrapped
yesterday.

- Coming!
[panting]

- Don't forget my gift cards.
I was here first.

- On my way!
[pants]

[yells, groans]

- I need you
to measure my bra size.

[all clamoring]

- [yells]

[groans, sighs]

Tanya, you were right.
I can't do this alone.

I have to tell Miguel
and Fiona to come back.

[sighs, cell phone dials]

They're gonna think
I'm a drillster,

and probably won't want
to be friends anymore.

But Ms. C made me manager,

and right now,
the store comes first.

[cell phone rings]

- Leni, you are talking
to literal ghosts right now

'cause we've d*ed
and gone to dim sum heaven.

- I'm so sorry, you guys,

but you have to come back
to the store.

[laughter]

- Oh, Leni, your impression
of Ms. C is dead-on.

- I mean it.

We are swamped with seniors,
Tanya lost her head,

and I need you both back
here right now.

[beep, groans]

[both gasp]

[crowd clamoring]
- Guys!

Miguel, I need you at
the cosmetics counter ASAP.

We have ten seniors who need
your phenom makeup skills.

Fiona, I need
your creative flair

at the gift wrap counter
right now.

- Mm-hmm!

[crowd clamoring]

- Well, I'll be horsewhipped.

This is surprisingly airy.

- Oh, thank you so much, Leni.

I'm gonna come here
for all my fashion emergencies.

- The service here
isn't so lousy.

And that's high praise
coming from Scoots.

- Always appreciated.
Bye, Scoots!

- That was brutal.

- Right?
I'm beyond starving.

Wanna grab some food?

- More than I ever have
in my life.

- Well, thanks for your help
tonight, guys.

I really appreciate it.

Enjoy your dinner.
I'll see you in the morning.

- Aren't you coming with us?
- You mean, you want me to?

- Um, why wouldn't we?

- I just thought you--

you wouldn't want
to be my friends anymore.

- Girl, what are you
talking about?

- I was a total drillster
like Ms. C,

and made you come back
to help,

when I was supposed
to be the funager.

- Leni, it was
the Senior Shop-aganza.

Of course you had
to ask us to come back.

- This was an awesome day.

You were able
to balance work and fun.

- We still think you're
the best boss in the universe.

- "And I still think so too."

- You guys are the best.

- So, food?

- I know just where to go.

- [sighs]

Now our dumpling dreams
really are coming true

because we're
all here together.

- Are you ready to order?

- I was wondering
if we could split

the dumpling combo.

- Absolutely.
Shouldn't be a problem.

- Oh, Tanya!

[laughter]

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Loud house

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy

♪ Chaos with kids

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house
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