04x22 - Deep Cuts/Game Off

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Loud House". Aired: May 2, 2016 - present.*
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Series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of a boy named Lincoln Loud, who is the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.
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04x22 - Deep Cuts/Game Off

Post by bunniefuu »

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

- Poo poo.

[radical music]

♪ ♪

[bell rings]

- Rock and roll!
- Whoo-hoo!

Time to get our jam on.

- I can't wait to show you guys

this new track
I've been working on.

- Hey, what's that?
Someone selling their gear?

- No, it looks like a note
from Principal Rivers.

all: What?

- How can she
cancel the music club?

- Doesn't she know
how much it means to us?

- There must be some mistake.
- [grunts]

- Wait, that's our drum!

- Dudes, we gotta stop this.

all: We wanna rock!
We wanna roll!

Music Club's
our heart and soul!

- Um, Principal Rivers?

You might want to see this.

- Hang on, I can't decide

between the maple-glazed
or the bear claw.

Ooh.

[grunts]
Oh, yeah.

Grr. Bear claw.

all: We wanna rock!
- Hmm?

all: We wanna roll!

Music Club's
our heart and soul!

- Oh, no,
are those the music kids?

Oh, they seem really mad at me.

Maybe I shouldn't have
cut their club.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Don't panic.

You spent weeks
making the new budget.

Stand firm!
- Mm, right.

- Principal Rivers!

We're not giving up our club
without a fight!

- So listen up, 'cause this
song's going out to you!

- ♪ When the last bell rings,
we reach for our guitars ♪

♪ Kick out the jams
and pretend ♪

♪ That we're
rock and roll stars ♪

♪ Our music club
is everything to us ♪

♪ We'd be lost without it,
so we're putting up a fuss ♪

- It's a catchy song,

but you've already made up
your mind.

Right, Principal Rivers?

[stammers]
Principal Rivers?

- ♪ So we've gotta
save the music ♪

♪ Save it from going away ♪

♪ Yeah, we gotta
save the music ♪

♪ Principal Rivers,
what do you say? ♪

- I say--I say...

I say...
♪ We save the music ♪

♪ It's up to me
'cause I'm the principal ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪
[scatting]

[all cheering]

- All right!

- ♪ When the last bell ♪

- Well, I guess I can
give these golf clubs

back to Pop-Pop,

'cause I literally
don't need them anymore!

- Dude, what are you
talking about?

- Thanks to your
little protest,

Principal Rivers cut all
of the school's sports clubs,

including golf!

How could you do this to me?

- Uh, we should go.

"Aw, come on, toots.
It's just getting good."

- Listen, I'm sorry
for your loss, dude,

but don't rage out at me.

I was just trying
to save my music club.

- "Ten bucks on the short one."

- Um, guys?

both: [shouting]
What, Lincoln?

- I, uh, just wanted to let
you know that dinner is ready.

[blows landing]

Okay, then.

I look forward
to seeing you there.

[laughs nervously, screams]

- Okay, now, Principal Rivers:
concentrate.

Do you want the Cobb salad

or the vegan sloppy joes
for lunch?

- Uh, they both sound so good.

Um, Cobb salad.
- Cobb salad.

- No, wait.
Uh, sloppy joes.

N-no, salad.

No, uh, sloppy joes
over a salad!

Oh, wait, that might
make the lettuce warm.

- Save...
both: Huh?

- Our...

sports!

[all cheering]

- Principal Rivers!

You can't cut the sports club!

We could literally go on
all day

about everything
it's taught us!

Or we could just show you!

[whistle trills]

[all grunting]

- [exclaims]

[peppy music]

- [hollers]
- Wow, these kids are amazing.

- Yep, but you've already made
your decision.

You're holding
your ground, right?

Uh, right?

- [grunts, hollers]

- Oh, come on!
- Give me a boost!

- Huh?

- I'll find cuts
somewhere else!

Sports are here to stay!

- Yeah!
- All right!

- [cheers, laughs]

- Thanks a lot, Lori!

The theater club
is getting cut,

and it's all your fault!

- What?
How is that my fault?

- Whoa, dudes!

What's with all
the negative energy in here?

Everybody chill!

- Don't tell me
to chill, hippie!

I'm not happy with you either!

Because your little protests,

Principal Rivers decided
to cut the theater club,

and we were just about to stage
our six-hour "Hamlet"!

- I'm sorry about your club,

but I just did what I had to do
to save mine.

- Samesies.

- Hey, guys!
Dinner time!

Tonight, Chef Lynn has prepared

a signature
spicy tuna casserole--

okay, I'm just gonna go.

[mellow music]

- ♪ Doo-doo-work-work-work ♪

- "Ladies and gents,
please take your seats!"

It's almost showtime!
- "Showtime"?

- Thank you, thank you.

We now present:
"A World Without Theater Club."

[lively ragtime music]

- [groaning]

- So thirsty
for self-expression!

"So hungry for creativity!"

- Principal Rivers!
- [whining]

It's so good!

- No, you don't!

You already made up your mind!

[grunts]
[both yelp]

- [wails]
- So deprived of joy.

"Why even go on, toots?"

- Ah!

[both cawing]

- Ah, bravo, bravo!

So moving!

Your passion
has changed my mind!

The theater club
is here to stay!

[cheers and applause]

- Congrats on your win, Luan.

- Yeah, way to go, dude!
- Thank you, thank you.

Sorry Mr. C and I got a little,
uh, testy with you.

- Aww, it's all good.
We get it, dude.

- Yeah, and what matters now

is that literally
all of our clubs are safe.

- I'm sorry, Principal Rivers,

but the final budget
is due Monday!

You've got to cut one of our
three most expensive clubs:

theater, music, or sports.

[all gasp]
- But which one?

[groans] Why is being
a principal so hard?

- You have to choose!

[conspiratorial music]

- Someone has to be the loser,
and it's not gonna be us!

all: Music!

- Those other clubs
are so going down!

all: Sports!

- It's time
to upstage those turkeys!

all: Theater!

all: Save our music!
Save our theater!

- Oh, dear.
all: Save our sports!

- "Theater, you g*ons!
Hey!"

Watch it, meathead!"

- Hey, why are you drama kids
even here?

The only thing
your plays are good for

is putting people to sleep!

all: Ooh!

- Wanna know
what puts me to sleep?

Watching you, like, pointlessly
chase a ball around all day!

all: Oh!
- What?

- Yeah, and when was
the last time

you guys even won a game?

- [scoffs] Well, maybe we would
be able to concentrate better

if it wasn't
for all that racket

coming from the band room!

- That does it!
You guys are going down!

[plays intense note]

all: Let's get 'em!
Fight!

- [gasps] Don't worry!
I'll protect you, Sports Club!

[all grunt]

- Whoa, boy!

[hollers]
Oof!

[speaker feedback blares]

- [screams, grunts]

[all gasp]

[all exclaim]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Let's see: broken wall...

- Cracked historical
acorn statue...

- Double door replacement.

What do you got?
Yeah, that's bad.

- Principal Rivers,
you know what to do.

- Ugh, I can't!
- You must.

- [groans]

There's only one way
to cover all this damage, guys:

I'm gonna have to
cut all the school clubs.

[all gasp]
- All of them?

- Yep.

Cooking Club, Origami Club,

Squirrel-Feeding Club--
everything.

- Oh, I have friends
in those clubs.

- Me, too, man.

- Principal Rivers,
forget our three clubs--

we got what we deserved--

but you can't
cut the rest of them!

This is literally our fault,
not theirs!

- But how else am I going to
pay for the repairs?

[upbeat music]

- Dudes and dudettes,

thanks for coming out
to support our school!

Let the fund-rager begin!

[all laugh, cheer]

- Step right up
and learn to golf like a pro!

- Okay, Mr. G, remember:
focus, follow through,

and when you're ready,
just tap her in.

- Oh, like this.
- Ooh!

- Whoops!
[all cheer]

- Ever wanted to be
a star onstage?

For, like, a small donation,
you totally can!

- "But, soft!

"What light
through yonder window breaks?

It is the east,
and Juliet is the sun!"

- Wow, Flip, I didn't know
you had it in you!

- What, you think
all Flip can do is sell jerky?

- "Hey, don't forget
your donation, pal."

[all cheer]

- You ready to learn
how to shred?

Why don't we start
with the basics?

♪ Ooh ♪
- Forget basics!

Rock and roll!

[playing radical tune]

[all cheer]
- Way to go, girls!

Thanks to all your hard work,

we've raised enough money
to fix the school

and save your friends' clubs!

- Wow, what a relief!

- That is all we cared about.

- Wait, you didn't
count everything!

[plays flat note]

all: Wow!
- This is amazing!

It looks like we have enough
to keep all the clubs!

all: Yes!

- Dudes, this calls
for an encore!

♪ When you lose
something you love ♪

♪ You fall off-track ♪

♪ And you do whatever you can
to get it back ♪

♪ ♪

♪ At first, we tried to do it
on our own ♪

all:
♪ But together we're stronger ♪

♪ And look at how we've grown ♪

♪ So you've gotta
stand together ♪

♪ 'Cause together
you can do anything ♪

♪ Yeah, you gotta
stand together ♪

♪ You gotta listen
to what we sing ♪

all: Yeah!

[intense retro gaming music]

♪ ♪

- [grunting]

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

[video game chirps]

Yes, level seven!

- Aww, rats.
I wanted to use the TV.

"Booger Battle" is on.

Huh?
Whoa, what's this game?

- It's called
"Total Trash Takedown."

You get five lives
to get to the Trash Castle,

where you have to
defeat the Trash King.

- Oh, that sounds awesome!

- I'm almost at the end.

I've been trying to finish it
for weeks.

- Oh, look at all that trash.

[video game chirping]

Ooh, what's that?
- Rotten apple.

You have to collect three
in each level

before you can move on.

- That one has a worm in it!Sweet!

[gasps]
Look out!

Oh.

♪ ♪

- Yes!

♪ ♪

- My turn, my turn!
- Ooh, I'm sorry, Lana.

- What?

I don't have any boogers
on my fingers.

- It's not that.

I just got to the last level,
and I only have one life left.

I can't risk losing it.

As soon as I finish this level,
you can play all you want.

- Aww, how long
is that gonna take?

- I don't know,
I've never gotten this far.

- Chow time, kiddos!

Cheese-puff-crusted tilapia
on the table!

- Five more minutes, Dad?
I'm on a roll here!

- Well, you better
roll your butt to the table

before dinner gets cold.

Let's go, kiddos!
Chop-chop!

[game chirps]

- Wait, I didn't get to play!

- Sorry, Lans.

Hopefully I can
finish tomorrow.

Then it'll be your turn.

- Oh, man.

[groaning]

[hollering]

[groans]
Huh?

[dramatic music]

- Don't you want to play?

- Yes, more than anything!

♪ ♪

[hollers]

[grunts, gasps]

[giggling]

[laughs]

[grunting]

[laughs]

- Sorry, Lana.

You'll have to wait.

- [screaming]

[snorts, gasps]
I can't wait!

I need to play that game
right now!

[floorboards creaking]

I'll just play
for a few minutes,

then go back to exactly where
Lincoln left off.

He'll never even know
I touched it.

[video game chirping]

[upbeat electronic music]

"Trash Hoard Below"?

Uh, yes, please.

[video game warbles]
[alarm blares]

"Game over"?
Wait, what?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

[dramatic music]

Back to the start?
[whimpers]

And then I messed up

and I lost all the progress
on Lincoln's game!

[all gasp]
- He's gonna be really upset.

- He's gonna be furious.
He'll never forgive you.

- You'll be dead to him.
- [coos]

- That's why he can't find out!

If I can just get him back
to the Trash Castle,

he'll never know
I played his game,

but I can't do it alone.

Will you guys help me?

Come on, guys!

I mean,
who keeps the can unclogged?

Who keeps Vanzilla running
like a dream?

- I guess she's right.
- Okay, we'll help!

- Makes sense.
- Thanks, guys!

Lynn, Lisa, can you help me
with the first seven levels?

- Huh, I do not
profess to know much

about the world
of virtual gaming.

- Yeah, but you're
the fastest reader.

So I need you
to go through this manual

and tell me
all the best tips and tricks

for getting
through the game fast.

And Lynn, I'm gonna need you

to keep me pumped up
and in the zone!

[both grunt]
- You got it, Lans!

- Okay, now,
for the rest of you,

as soon as Lincoln wakes up,

he's gonna want to play
that game.

So we need an excuse

to get him out of the house
before he can.

Something he can't resist.

[conspiratorial music]

♪ ♪

[engine revs]

- Linky!
So glad I ran into you!

I just had the best idea:

let's go grab some Flippees!

My treat.

- Oh, man,
that's unusually nice of you,

but I've got a date
with a video game.

Maybe another time?

- It's only good today!
Right now!

- Sorry, I can't.

- [inhales deeply]

♪ ♪

- O-M-gosh!

Lincoln, I just found
a ton of quarters

at the bottom of my purse!

Wanna go to Gus' Games and Grub
and play that dancing game?

- Leni,
we've talked about this.

Are you sure they're quarters?

♪ ♪

- Yes!

- Well, I appreciate it,
but I've got other plans.

Maybe another time?

- [groans]

♪ ♪

- Lincoln...
- [screams]

- Bone-chilling news:

they just opened a new
zombie escape room downtown.

[zombie snarls]
- [gasps]

That sounds awesome!
We should go sometime.

- The time is now.

The first people in line
get in for free.

- "For free"?

Well, I wanted to play my game,

but how can I turn down
a free zombie escape room?

Let's go!

[door opens]

- And that's how it's done.

- Ah, thanks, guys.

Okay, Lynn and Lisa,
it's game time.

Okay, Lincoln should be
out of the house

for at least two hours.

That should be plenty of time

to get him back
to the Trash Castle.

- Right,
I've learned many tricks

to aid in your quest.

For example:
in the first level,

there's a recycling bin
shortcut that allows you

to jump ahead two levels.

- I knew I could
count on you, Lis.

Okay, let's play!
- Whoa, whoa, wait.

First you gotta get loose.

Don't wanna cramp up
during a crucial play.

Now, let's do some
jumping jacks

to get the blood pumping!

One, two--
- [clears throat]

The clock's ticking here.
- Oh, right.

Sorry.

[video game chirping]

[upbeat electronic music]

- Watch out
for that compost beast!

♪ ♪

- Nice hustle, Lans.

♪ ♪

- Gah, don't go
in that dumpster!

Look for the recycling bin
shortcuts.

That's the ticket.
- Oh, yeah!

♪ ♪

Level four, here we come.

- Whoo, Team Loud for the win!

- [babbles, laughs]

♪ ♪

[grunts]

♪ ♪

- Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!

♪ ♪

- Jump there!

Whoo!
- Yeah!

- [grunts, hollers]

♪ ♪

- Okay, guys,
just one level left

before we get
to the Trash Castle.

- According to my calculations,

you should have
at least a half an hour

until Lincoln gets home.

[phone chirps, buzzes]

- Crud,
they're on their way back!

- What? How?

- Lincoln was really good
at that escape room.

They finished
with minutes to spare.

- [yelps]
I need more time!

- I got this.
Lori, you're up!

- I'm literally on it.

[tires squeal]

- Hmm?

- Whoa, crazy running into
you guys!

Get in!
I'll give you a ride home.

- That's okay,
we're almost there.

- Oh, but you must be so tired
from your escape room.

Come on!
- Yes, very tired.

Thanks, Lori.

- Now, I just have to
make a quick pit stop

at the dry cleaners.

- Wait, just let us out, then.
I don't want to go on errands.

- Oh, it'll just take a sec.
- [growls]

- Okay, we bought ourselves
more time.

Keep it up, Lans.

- This level is much harder
than the other ones.

Ugh, only four lives left!

[dramatic electronic music]

[game warbling]

[horn honks]

Oh, man,
I only have one life left.

- Hmm, the only "Loud"
I'm seeing in our system

is a Lola Loud,

but she picked up her sequined
rainbow jumpsuit yesterday.

[testy music]

- Weren't you
picking up dry cleaning?

- No, I was getting us
puffy mints.

Aren't I such a good sister?

- Can we go home now?
I want to get back to my game.

- Uh, no, sorry.

Lynn just texted
that she needs, um,

emergency lacrosse balls.

- [sighs]
Fine, but let me out.

I'm not running another errand.

[gasps]
- Forget it!

We'll go home.

- Lana, you gotta
finish this level now.

Lincoln is almost home.

- Ugh, this game is impossible.

Now I see why
it took Lincoln so long

to get to the Trash Castle.

[gasps]
The finish dumpster!

That's the end of the level!

both: Look out!
- No, no, no, no, no, no!

That was my last life!

[groans]
- [gasps]

- Run, Lana!
- Save yourself!

- Hey, Lans.
What are you doing?

- Ugh, I messed up.

- [gasps]
What happened?

- I thought I could
play your game

for just a little bit,

but I lost your last life.

- No, Lana!

It took me two weeks
to get to the last level!

[growls] I can't believe
you did this!

- I'm so sorry.

I spent all day
trying to get you back

to the Trash Castle.

Lynn and Lisa even helped.

- Yeah.
[both laugh]

- But I d*ed
right before I could make it.

Is there anything I can do
to make it up to you?

- No, just leave me alone.

I have a lot of work to do.

[video game chirping]

[mellow music]

- Hey.

I don't want to interrupt,
but I just wanted to tell you:

I did all your chores
and I made you this snack tray.

I got your favorite kind
of Flippee--

cherry and blue bonanza--

and those smelly crackers
you like.

- Oh, thanks.

Ugh, man,
this part is so tough.

- Yeah--though, if you time
your jumps to the music,

you'll avoid all the potholes.

- Wait, really?

[upbeat electronic music]

♪ ♪

Whoa, it worked!

Hey, do you know
any more tricks?

- Yeah, I actually learned
a ton of them

before, you know,
ruining your game.

- Wanna help me play?
- A-are you sure?

Even after everything I did?

- Yeah, I can tell
you're really sorry.

Hey, after I finish my game,

maybe we can start a new one
for you!

- [gasps]
You are the best!

[laughs]

- Whoo, Team Loud for the win!

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
all: ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

all: ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
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