05x01 - Schooled!

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

- Poo-poo.

♪ ♪

[birds chirping]

- Wear lucky underwear.
Check.

Wear new jeans.
Check.

Put on best polo.

Check.

Things are pretty crazy

around the Loud house
this morning.

[car horn honks]

[indistinct chatter]

[beast roars]

[laser zaps]

- [yells]
[groans]

- It's the first day of school,

and there are a lot
of changes this year.

For starters,
Lori's leaving for college!

- [grunting]

[yelping]

- Lori, I need help.

Dress or jumpsuit?
Dress or jumpsuit?

- They're both cute, Leni,

but maybe you can
start choosing

on your own from now on.

[grunts]
I'm not going to be around to--

[yelping]

[cat yowls]

- And Lily's starting
preschool,

which means she had
to be potty trained.

That's great, 'cause, you know,
no more dirty diapers.

But it's also not,

because that's one more sister
hogging the bathroom.

- I gotta tinkle!
- My turn!

[door knob rattling]

[toilet flushing]

[all grunting]

- Man with a plan.

[grunting continues]

[all yelp]

I saved the biggest news
for last.

This is my first day
of middle school.

Flawless hair.
Check.

Most kids would be nervous,
but not this guy.

- I gotta tinkle!
- Come on!

- I made customized checklists
for my friends and me.

So nothing can go wrong.

[indistinct chatter]
- [yells]

If I make it out of here alive.

[all yelling]

- Whoa.
What's all this?

- Oh, this?

Well, I just wanted breakfast
to be extra special

since, you know--

[sobbing]
Everyone's growing up

and moving on.

- I know, honey.

But we promised we would
hold it together for the kids.

- Kids!
Breakfast--

breakfast is--I can't do it!
I can't do it.

- I got this.
Kids, breakfast!

- [grunts]

[clamoring]

[whistle blasts]

- What's with
the confounded whistle?

- I'm just getting
some practice in.

Principal Ramirez made me
hall monitor this year,

and I will not let her down.

I was born to carry this badge.

Ah!
Loud, that's strike two.

- [chuckles]
[blows raspberry]

- [growls]
- Ah!

- [grunts]
- You're not on duty yet.

Now everybody in for breakfast.

[angelic music]

all: Whoa.
- Ah!

[all chomping]

Oh, no, you don't.

Your dad worked all morning

on a special family meal,

and we are going
to enjoy it together.

Do you want to break
that man's heart?

- It's fine, I'll just
clear these and do the dishes.

- Or can you spare a minute?

- [chomps]

[all chomping]

- ...and .

It's been a minute.

- [sighs]
Those kids.

- I know.

Sometimes they can be--

- So ding-dang thoughtful!

[sobbing]

♪ ♪

- [grunting]

[sighs]

Guess it's time
to say goodbye.

Aww, guys.

Bring it in for a--

[indistinct chatter]

- Okay, guys.
Come on.

Your big sister needs
to get on the road.

- And this isn't goodbye.

It's just "see ya later."

Well, champ.
Put her there.

[car door opens, engine revs]

[brakes squeal]
- Bye.

[thud]

- Honey, let go.

- Don't go!
Don't go!

- Lori, what about
this pantsuit?

I can't go to school
until you tell me what to wear.

[bus horn honks]

[upbeat music]

- Okay, everybody.Up top.

First middle school high five.
Check.

Who's ready to rock day one?

[all groan nervously]

- I know I am.

Grew this sweet new 'stache
over the summer.

So I'm golden.

- Okay, A, I'd hardly
call that a 'stache.

And B, why can't you just
admit you're nervous

like the rest of us?

- Guys, there's nothing
to be nervous about,

especially since
we'll all be together

in Mrs. Salter's class,

which Lynn said rules.

- But Lincoln,
we're gonna get eaten alive!

We're not big fish anymore.

- Everybody calm down.

I'm telling you.

[harmonica plays note]
[coughs]

As long as we're together,
we'll be fine.

[upbeat music]

♪ This is it, middle school ♪

♪ And we'll make
this day look easy ♪

- ♪ But we're not lit ♪
- ♪ We're not cool ♪

- ♪ And my stomach's
really queasy ♪

- ♪ I don't think I can
go through with it ♪

- ♪ Just take a deep breath
and get a grip ♪

♪ Our strategy is tight ♪

♪ Our game is strong ♪

♪ We got this ♪

♪ We got this ♪

♪ We'll get through
it all together ♪

♪ We got this ♪

♪ We got this ♪
♪ We're invincible ♪

♪ We're a team ♪

♪ We're a troop ♪

♪ We're the best
forever friend group ♪

♪ I've got your back ♪

♪ I know that you've got mine ♪

♪ Trust me, we'll be fine ♪

- ♪ Feeling impending doom ♪

- ♪ Getting shoved
inside a locker ♪

- ♪ I can't find my classroom ♪

- ♪ And this machine
just ate my dollar ♪

- ♪ I miss pizza day already ♪

- ♪ But look at this delish
mystery spaghetti ♪

♪ We can rule these hallways
side by side ♪

♪ Trust me, we'll be fine ♪

all: ♪ We got this,
we got this ♪

- ♪ Trust me, we'll be fine ♪

all: ♪ We got this,
we got this ♪

- ♪ Trust me, we'll be fine ♪

[bell rings]

- Whoa!
- [gasps]

- Wow.
- Ooh.

- Hey, guys.
I'm Mrs. Salter.

Okay, so here's the lowdown.

Juice bar in the back.
Help yourself.

Also there are cards on the
desks with your names on 'em.

"Rip Hardcore" themed.
I love the show.

And he is a personal friend
of mine.

- Whoa!
- [gasps]

- Cool.
- See?

I told you guys there's nothing
to worry about.

♪ ♪

Um, Mrs. Salter?

I can't find my desk.
My name's Lincoln Loud.

- Oh.
Okay.

Here you are.
Looks like you're...

in Mr. Bolhofner's class.

- [gasps]
[dramatic sting]

No, that can't be right!

I know I requested this class.

- For the love of sponge cake,

say you turned in the form.

Say it!
- I did.

See?
There's a checkmark.

[ominous music]

- [sniffing]
[licking]

That's not a check.
That's a Flippee stain!

- [moans][grunts]

- Mrs. Salter, can't he stay?

I mean, he's already here.
Please!

- Yeah, we have
to stick together.

- Yeah, we just sang
a dang song about it.

- Oh, I am so sorry, guys,
but we're full.

Lincoln's gonna have to report
to Mr. Bolhofner's class.

- Where's that?
[thud]

The trailer?

- Here's a juice for the road.

It's quite a hike.

- [moans]

[birds chirping]

- Any behavioral issues
like biting?

- Only during full moons.

[howls]

[both laughing]

That's a werewolf joke.

- Potty trained?
- Have been for years.

[chuckles]
- Lynn, stop.

Yes.
[chuckles]

Lily is potty trained.

- Perfect.
I think we're set.

I'll go ahead
and take Ms. Lily now.

- Well, champ,
put her there.

- Wow, honey.

You handled that surprisingly--

- [sobbing]

They're all leaving us!

[birds chirping]

- This is what
alone feels like?

- What are we gonna do
with no kids around?

- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
- Whoo!

[both laughing]

- I got you.
- I got you.

[grunts]
[crashes]

[playing hard rock music]
- [vocalizing]

[birds chirping]

- Boo-Boo Bear,
I'm finally here.

Look.
It's my floor.

[squeals]
[laughs]

all: Shh.

- But I was just--

[whispering]
Quiet floor.

Silence at all times.

[gulps]

[talking]
I'll literally never survive.

all: Shh.

- [panting]

[whistle blows]
- Ah!

- No speeding.

- Come on, Lynn.

This is the worst day
of my life.

And I have to make it all
the way to Bolhofner's room.

- The Hof?Oh, boy.

Stinks to be you.
All right.

I shouldn't be doing this,
but climb on.

This is a one-time-only escort.

- [yelps]
[rock music]

[siren wailing]

♪ ♪

[grunts]

[moans]
- Good luck in there, bro.

The Hof keeps his room
scorching hot.

Oh, and watch out
for his breath.

Sardines with a hint
of red onions and farts.

[ominous music]
[siren wailing]

♪ ♪

[all moaning, sighing]

- Hm?
- [laughing]

Hmm, I wondered where
I left my pudding cup.

Thanks for finding it
for me, Lincoln Lame.

- Ugh.
Chandler.

[nails grinding on chalkboard]

- Okay, listen up.
The name's Bolhofner.

I didn't spend years
in the m*llitary

followed by two months stranded
inside an active volcano,

surviving on lizards
and pumice stone,

to be pushed around
by a bunch of chuckleheads.

- Mmm.
- I could get used to this.

[phone ringing]

- It's Lily's preschool.
Hello?

- [indistinct]
- What?

I could have sworn
she was potty trained.

How did we miss this?
- [laughing]

- I don't know.

But now that we've had that
sweet taste of alone time,

I need more.
I need more, Rita!

- Then it's settled.

It's potty training time,
take two.

- [farts]
[laughs]

[indistinct chatter]

- Hey, guys.
Sorry I'm late.

It's a really long walk
from Mr. Bolhofner's.

[bell ringing]
- Sorry, that's class.

- See you later, buddy.
- Hang in there, buddy!

- Sorry, bro.

I'm gonna have to write you up

for loitering
in a no-stopping zone.

- [groans]

- [squeals, yelps]
all: Shh.

- [sighs, yelps]
all: Shh.

♪ ♪

- [slurping, yelps]
all: Shh.

- Come on.
Pick up, pick up.

Leni, you won't believe--
wait.

Why are you still
in your bathrobe?

Didn't school start,
like, five hours ago?

- Well, yeah.
But I couldn't go.

You never said what to wear.

Now how about this
fit and flare dress?

- [sobbing]

- O-M-gosh.
Is the dress that bad?

- No!
I'm stuck on the quiet floor,

and everyone hates me.

all: Shh.

- [yelling]
I'm trying, okay?

[crying]

- [grunts]
[growls]

[grunts]
Dang it, Chandler.

Stop kicking--
- Oh.

A talker, huh?

Well, Mr. Blabberlips,

you'll be spending
your lunch with me.

[ominous music]

both: I have
to get out of here.

[bus horn honks]

♪ ♪

- Make way for the law, chumps.

[all grunting]

- So what's the plan, Lincoln?

We need you in our class.

Without you,
everything's thrown off.

- Yeah.

You should have seen us try

to paper mâché
a group project yesterday.

[all grunting]

- Man with a plan.

I'm just gonna ask
Principal Ramirez

to switch me into your class.

- Yeah, I don't know.

You reckon she'll go for that?

- Guys, please.
I'm great at convincing.

- Well, if you need
any assistance, let me know.

I could pretend to be
your dad or an attorney.

Since I look like I'm now,
you know?

- [sighs]

Well, I still don't know
what to wear,

but I guess I'll just
have to chance it.

[all giggling]

- Is this seat taken?

- [squeals]

- I'll take that as a no.

So are you new to our school?

I don't remember
seeing you around.

- [squeals]

[babies giggling]

- If all goes to plan,

I'll be in your class
by the end of the day.

[bell ringing]
- Run, dude.

You're gonna be late!

- Here's a juice for the road.

[grunts]

- Thanks, Clyde.
[grunts]

- No throwing juice
in the halls.

- Lynn, I have to get to class.

Can you give me another escort?

- [imitates buzzer]
Negative.

You only get one freebie.

You're doing some time,
Stinkin'.

[both grunt]

- This isn't even my locker.

- This isn't even my juice,

but you don't
see me complaining.

[slurping]

- Late on day two, Loud?

That's another lunch
you'll be spending

with me and my tuna casserole.

- But Mr. Bolhofner,

my sister Lynn
stuffed me in a locker!

I had to jerry-rig
a paper clip to get out.

- I don't want excuses.

- So there's probably
no chance

I could go talk
to the principal?

- No!

And just for asking,

that's a whole week

with me and my leftovers.

- [sighs]

[desk rumbling]
- [yelps]

[grunts]
- [snickering]

- [groans]

- Come on, Lily!

Just get on the ding-dang-darn
seat, dang it.

Come on.
I--I'll give you this cookie.

- [sighs]

- Come on.
We'll give you the cookie.

It'll be so good.
All you have to do is pee.

- Don't be scared.

That's it, Lily.
Now--

[grunts]
- Now, Lily,

throwing cookies is not--
[grunts]

- [laughing]

[both sigh]

- Lily, using the potty's easy.

Watch how daddy does it.
Oh.

Oh, great, great.
- [yelps]

- Now I'm stuck.
Rita, help!

[both grunting]

- [laughing]

[both groan]

- Thanks for helping me move,
Boo-Boo Bear.

- No prob, babe.

But I do need to get back
to the mercado soon.

Sergio molted
in all of the produce.

[coughs]

[elevator dings]

- Welcome to the
driving range floor.

- Four!
[both yell]

[both yelp]

- Here, babe.
You're gonna need this.

[yells]
- [yelps]

- Sea cucumbers vomit
their stomachs and intestines

as a means
of tangling up predators.

- Ugh.
[grunting]

[groans]
- Hey!

Don't scratch that desk, Loud.

It's on loan
from the kindergarten.

- Sorry.
It's just a little small.

- Instead of complaining,
you should be thanking me.

You get to sit by Hank,

our beloved class pet.

- [chomps]
- [yells]

[intriguing music]

Hmm.

Excuse me, Mr. Bolhofner?

I'm not feeling well.
[coughs]

- If you're not bleeding,
then you'll survive

till the end of the day.

- [growls]

- [groans]

♪ ♪

- [chomps]
- Ow!

Mr. Bolhofner,
Hank just bit me.

Can I go to the nurse now?

- [growls]

Fine.
But give Hank his tooth back.

- [groans]

- [chomps]

[energetic music]

- [panting]

[whistle blows]
[grunts]

- Stop!
You're going five in a three.

- Lynn, come on.

I just need to talk
to the principal.

I've got important business.

- No one's above the law,
Stinkin'.

I took an oath.
- Fine.

Can I just get a drink first?

You always say
hydration is important.

- Yeah, I do say that.

Okay.
One drink.

- [slurping]

[spits]

- [gasps]

[grunting]

- [yelling]

- [grunting]

Where'd he go?

- Phew.

[whistle blasts]

- Oh, I've got
a real bad feeling

down deep in my bones.

- Me too.

Middle school gym class

is no grade school gym class.

Please be yoga.
Please be yoga.

[whistle blows]
- Okay, kids.

Who's ready
to dodge some balls?

[ball pops]

- My every nightmare
is about to come true.

- Nobody panic.

Initiate scorpion formation.

[all grunt]

- Huh?

- [grunts]

[all grunt]

- What happened?

We just got our rumps
handed to us.

- Without Lincoln,
the formation's off.

Our flank is exposed.

- [growling]

Every man for himself!

[grunts]

[grunting]

[dramatic sting]

- And that's how he got

his name "Honeysuckle Clams."

[chuckling]
Oh, to be continued.

- Excuse me.

Can I please talk
to the principal?

Cheryl?

- Oh, no, sugar.

I'm Meryl, Cheryl's sister.

And I'm sorry,
but Principal Ramirez

is busier than a beehive
in a bouquet of baby's breath.

Let me see
when she's free, though.

Can you do Christmas?
Of next year?

- [sighs]

[bell ringing]

- Oopsie doodle.
That's lunch.

- Meatloaf again?
Ugh.

Meryl, did I not stress
to the lunch staff

not to serve meatloaf
on Tuesdays?

That's what I make for dinner.

I can't have it twice.

- Hmm.
[gasps]

[intriguing music]

♪ ♪

- [grunts]
What's this?

"Tired of the same old lunch?

"Come on down to Lynn's Table.

Bring this flier
for a free appetizer."

Hmm.

Meryl, I am going
off campus for lunch!

- Meryl, what's it gonna take

for me to get
an off-campus lunch pass?

- Hmm.

You just answer me
one question.

Who do you think's older?
Me or--

- Cheryl.

- You enjoy your lunch,
sugar snap.

[upbeat music]

[all groan]

- What did you guys
bring to trade?

- Who wants my grilled cheese?

- I guess no one, but I do want
your apples and peanut butter.

- That's off limits.

Unless Clyde gives up
a cupcake.

- I never trade my cupcakes.

Unless Lincoln brings
his mac and cheese bites.

- Oh, no.

Without Lincoln,
the trade formula is off too.

- Doggone it!

We need that feller back.

[all groan]

- Ten bucks to anyone who'll
bend down and get my fork.

- Not worth it.

[slurping]

[birds chirping]

- [humming]
[gasps]

Oh, hey, Principal Ramirez.

Didn't know you ate here.

I'm Lincoln Loud,
one of your new students.

And my dad happens
to own this restaurant.

Complimentary potato skin?

- [gasps]
Those are my favorites.

Well, my second favorite
aside from--

- Jalapeño poppers?

I did some research
in case you came by.

While I've got you--
[tray crashes]

There are actually a few things

I need to talk to you about.

[celebratory big band music]

Presenting " Reasons

Why I Shouldn't Be
in Mr. Bolhofner's Class."

Number one.

Unsafe working environment

due to a high chance
of being bit by a piranha.

Number .

My desk is really doing
a number on my back.

Number .

My fellow students
don't seem to take education

as seriously as I do.

Number .

The sweltering temperature is
hindering my ability to learn.

So what do you think?

- Hmm.
I say yes!

- Yes!

- These are the best poppersin town.
Mm!

- No, I mean about
me switching classes.

- Oh, I--I can't help you
with that.

There's just no room
in Mrs. Salter's class.

I'm sorry.
Mmm!

But these are great.

I'll take another round.
- [sighs]

- Lily, we are putting you
on the potty,

and that's final.

- [laughing]

- You--go, honey.
[both panting]

- [squeals]

- [yelps]
[both grunt]

- Ah!

- [laughing]

- Okay--g--go that way!
We'll corner her.

Gah!
Dah!

She went in the doggy door.

[grunting]
[groans]

Now it's locked.

- The front door is locked too.

What do we do now?

- Well, I guess there's
always the chimney.

- Dibs not.

- [groans]

- [breathes sharply]

♪ ♪

Stop!
[grunting]

[phone dialing]

Boo-Boo Bear, I wanna move
to another floor.

- I'm turning around right now.
[tires screeching]

- Mm.

[indistinct baby chatter]

- Oh.
I don't know.

[sighs]
Oh.

Does this work?

- Pretty!
- [gasps]

Thank you.
I love your romper.

Totes cute color.
- [laughing]

- You wanna sit together
at lunch?

- [giggling]

[all groaning]

- Will Lincoln Loud
please report

to the principal's office?

all: Ooh.

- Oh, what now?

- Lincoln...
- [gulps]

- I actually have
some good news.

You've proven yourself
to be a pretty determined kid.

So I pulled some strings,

and I found a way
to get you what you want.

- Oh, thank you, thank you!

My friends are going
to be so happy.

- You'll be challenged
in a cooler classroom,

et cetera, et cetera.

- You've just earned
free poppers for life,

Principal Ramirez.

- Because you'll be attending
a new school!

It's just across the river.

- Wait.
What?

A new school?
- Yeah.

It wasn't easy,
but I was able to enroll you

since I know
the principal there.

He owes me a favor.
- But--but--

- I cashed it in, so this
better be worth it, Loud.

And by the way, it's in Canada!

["O Canada" playing]
- [squeals]

Canada?

[bell ringing]

[indistinct chatter]

- I'm glad you're
all sitting down,

'cause I have terrible news.

Wait, why are you guys
sitting like that?

- We couldn't figure out
the bus seating arrangement

without you,
so we crammed into one.

- [groaning]

What's your terrible news?

- I know it sounds crazy,

but my plan to get
into your class failed,

and now I'm being transferred
to a school in Canada.

- Canada?
- That's possible?

- Seriously, dawg?

- Dr. Lopez, I need to schedule

an emergency appointment
this afternoon.

- [indistinct]

- Well, cancel your massage!

- But we were already
falling to pieces

with you in Bolhofner's.

How we gonna survive if
you're in a different country?

We'll be like a prickle
of porcupines

missing our head 'pine.

Trust me, y'all.
That's bad.

- Can't you just say

you're allergic
to Canada or something?

- I wish.

Principal Ramirez pulled
a lot of strings

to get me into that school.

I kinda have no choice
but to make the best of it.

[all groan]

At least we'll see each other

at the weekly
game night tomorrow.

- Can somebody else
bring dessert?

I can't cook.
I'm a wreck!

[dramatic music]

- [snoring]

[alarm clock beeps]
- [grunts]

- Rise and shine, Linc.

It's : a.m.
[cowbell ringing]

You don't wanna be late
for your first day

at your new school.

- Dad, I can't.
It's too early.

- Yes, you Can-ada.

- [yawns]

[upbeat music]

[yells]
[tires screeching]

[fog horn blares]
[gasps]

- Good luck, kiddo.
Wait.

Your passport
and your breakfast!

Whoa-whoa!

["O Canada" playing]

- ♪ Eh, girl ♪

♪ If I could,
eh, girl ♪

[high-pitched]
♪ Eh, girl ♪

Welcome to Canada.

Here's your complimentary
snow suit and toque.

- Whoa.

- You're gonna wanna
put those on.

- Thanks, but I'm all set.

[yelling]
- Don't worry!

You're gonna love it here.

[wind blowing]

Welcome to Canada.

♪ It's a treat
this time of year ♪

♪ So go on, mount your moose
for your commute ♪

♪ That's how we get around
'round here ♪

Try the ketchup chips.
Just costs a loonie!

Don't resist.

♪ The Chinook winds are very ♪

♪ Very extraordinary-nary ♪

♪ So if you love ♪

♪ Mounties, gravy,
bags of milk ♪

♪ A minus morning chill ♪
- [grunting]

- ♪ We've got it, boys ♪

♪ So come and seize the day ♪

♪ Go and break the ice ♪

♪ And make a life north
of the USA ♪

♪ Welcome to Canada ♪

♪ You're in Canada ♪

♪ The hottest day
is ten below ♪

♪ Your snot will freeze,
don't blow your nose ♪

♪ In Canada ♪
- ♪ Canada ♪

- ♪ You're in Canada ♪

♪ Come try the best
poutine around ♪

♪ Watch hockey pucks
grow from the ground ♪

- [gasps]

- ♪ We've got the most maple
syrup per capita ♪

♪ Welcome to Canada ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Skate up to Saskatchewan ♪

♪ You'll never see the sun ♪

♪ The beavers
and the lumberjacks ♪

♪ Both look the same
to everyone ♪

♪ I think we've got
a baseball team ♪

♪ But no one really knows ♪

♪ It's impossible to tell ♪

♪ Under the feet of snow ♪
- [gasps]

- ♪ The feet of snow ♪

♪ The feet, the feet ♪

♪ Oh no, oh no, oh no ♪

♪ Welcome home ♪

♪ To Canada ♪

♪ It's Canada! ♪

♪ It's C-A-N-A-D-A, eh, eh
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh ♪

♪ Yay! ♪
- [grunting]

Huh?
[acoustic music]

- Well, Lincoln,
I think you'll be

very happy here at Mapleton.

[arrow snaps]
- Whoa!

- Eh, you'll get used to that.

Anyway, did Principal Ramirez
ever tell you

about the time
she saved my life?

There I was,
choking on a beavertail--

- Hey, Principal Marshall.

Is it cool if we use
the rink after school?

Gotta get in extra practice
before the big game, eh?

- Yes, of course.

The big game.

How could I forget
the big game?

It's all anyone
can think about.

[laughs nervously]
- Sweet!

Thanks.
Mapleton rules.

- So I take it
hockey's pretty big here?

Ah!

- You could say that.

- Y'all, I'm just gonna say it.

With Lincoln gone,
we need a new man--

[gasps]
Or wo-man with a plan.

Who's it gonna be?

- It should be me.

Check out this sick
temp tat I just got.

Zach rules.

Grah, grah, grah,
grah, grah, grah, grah.

- Tats are lame.
It should be me.

I got the sweetest moves.

[beatboxing]

- ♪ I'm the coolest ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da ♪

♪ I'm the coolest ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da ♪

- Stop!
- Wait!

- [yelling]
[grunts]

[coughing]
Hey.

Wait.
How did you get in here?

- Turns out the dining room
window was open.

[both sigh]
- [laughing]

[dog barks]

- I don't remember potty
training being so hard

with the other kids.

- Me neither.
I'm running out of ideas here.

- [laughing]
[dog whines]

[squealing]

- Wait a minute.
Lisa!

That little genius
potty trained herself

in like an hour.

Maybe she can help us.

♪ ♪

[engine rumbling,
brakes screech]

- Need to borrow
my little genius for a while.

Thanks, Cheryl.

- But what about her lessons?

- I think I'll survive

if I miss playing with paste.

- And what does this animal do?

- Quack, quack.
Quack, quack.

[all laughing]

O-M-gosh.

This must be shop class.

You actually shop!

I'm so getting an A.

[all snoring]

- That new volunteer
is delightful.

She really relates
to the children on their level.

- [snoring]
[sucking on thumb]

[birds chirping]

- Babe, how's the caddy floor?

- So far, so good.

It's so nice to finally
be able to relax.

[chuckles]

Gah!
- Hi.

I'm Maddie,
your personal caddie.

Now let me see here.

Mm-hmm.Yeah.
That's a much better angle.

Now--[grunts]
I'd go with this teddy bear.

Now relax
as I continue to study

your every move.

- [laughs nervously]

- Class, I want you to meet
our new student, Lincoln Loud.

- Cheers!
- Welcome, eh.

- Welcome, Lincoln.
- Hey there, Lincoln.

- You're just in time
for our math lesson.

- Cool.
I'll get out my notebook.

- Oh, no need for that.

Okay, everyone.
Suit up.

[whimsical tuba music]

Here, Lincoln.
You tend goal.

- Whoa!

Um, I don't really know
how to play.

[whistle blows]
- Okay, kids.

If Sadie hits a gram puck
with , pounds of force,

how much time does Lincoln have
to raise his glove

to block the goal?

- Two microseconds!
[grunts]

- [grunts]

- Correct, Sadie.
And nice slapshot.

Way to nail the biscuit!

- [groaning]

♪ ♪

Hmm?

♪ ♪

Wait.
Where is everyone?

- Why eat cafeteria food

when you can have fresh
Yukon splake for lunch?

Here.
Give it a sh*t.

And welcome to Canada, eh?

[whimsical music]

- Reel 'em in, eh?
- Hey, got one!

♪ ♪

- Hmm?
Whoa!

I'm starting--

To miss--

Bolhofner!
- [goose squawks]

[bell ringing]

- How about this, dawg?

Whoever can do the most pushups

is the new man
with the pli-zan.

- [in deep voice]
Challenged accepted.

- Here they go.
Again.

[both groaning]
- One!

- You two chumps
got hall passes?

♪ ♪

[both grunt]
- Ha.

Maybe now you'll think twice

before breaking hallway rules.

- And now may I present

Mr. Pottybot.

- Ooh.
- Whoo.

- [chuckles]
By following Lily

and tracking her body heat,

Mr. Pottybot will know exactly
when Lily has to go

and will zip her
to the lavatory

to do her business.

- Mr. Pottybot
reporting for duty.

- Ope.
Hey, he is good!

I do have to go.

- Of course I remember
our game night, buddy.

Don't worry.
I'll be there.

- ♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum ♪

- Yah!
Yah!

- ♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum ♪

[geese honking]

- A goose jam?

Estimated delay minutes!

[groans]

[energetic music]

♪ ♪

[wind whooshing]

- ♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum ♪

- Ugh.
Now what?

- Sorry.

We got a bit
of a sticky situation.

Maple syrup cart hit
a pancake truck and well,

that's what you call
a delicious detour.

Eh?[laughs]


♪ ♪

[moaning]
- [sighs]

Sorry you missed game night
with your friends, kiddo.

But Clyde did drop ya off
a pear tart.

- [chomping]

Salty.

I can tell he was
crying baking this.

[sighs]
I don't know what to do, Dad.

I miss my friends so much.

And this whole
Canadian school thing--

- [snoring]

Huh?
What?

Oh, sorry, son.
Must've nodded off there.

Ever since Lily got kicked
out of preschool...

[yawning]
Your mother and I

have been running
ourselves ragged.

[snoring]

- Kicked out?
Whoa.

Now, there's an idea.

The man with a plan is back.

- ♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum ♪

♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum ♪
[marker squeaking]

♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum ♪

♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum ♪

- [gasps]
Uh-oh.

I suppose you're gonna kick me

out of school for this, huh?

- Kick you out?No way.

My wife told me I couldn't
pull off bushy brows

but here's proof I can.

- [groans]

♪ ♪

- Snowball fight?

It's on!

[all grunting]

Don't forget to calculate

the maximum arc
of your snowballs.

- Yah!

[moose snorts]

[both gasp]

[indistinct chatter]

- Indoor moose races!
[air horn blasts]

Great idea, Lincoln.

[both cheering]

- [chomping]

- Lily requires potty.

- No, thank you.

♪ ♪

[electronic beeping]

- [grunts]
[alarm sounding]

- Danger!
Danger!

[crashes]

[whimsical music]

♪ ♪

- [whirring]
[crashes]

[sparking]
- [groans]

Mr. Potty, please!

- Major systems shutting down.

D--d--dark--darkening.

- [screaming]

[birds squawking]

- Bobby, this floor
has to work out.

This is one of the last
available rooms on campus.

- Well, what could go wrong

on the sand trap floor, babe?

[gasps]

- Ah, Boo-Boo Bear,
this is a nightmare.

I was so excited
to come to Fairway

but I'm starting
to think I don't belong.

- Uh, babe?

Not to interrupt but--

[both gasping for air]

[both yell]
- [grunts]

Uh, babe?

- I can't take this anymore!

[sobbing]

[solemn music]

♪ ♪

- [sighs]

♪ ♪

[arrow snaps]
Whoa!

Huh?
[all grunting]

[dramatic music]
- Yeah!

- Wait.
That's perfect!

[grunts]

- Ooh.
Sorry, eh?

- [groans]

[phone dialing, ringing]

- Hey, buddy.

- Clyde, I got the whole g*ng
on with me.

Say hi, guys.
- Talk to me.

- What's shakin'?
- Yo.

- Sup?
- Uh, Lincoln?

We're all in Home Ec together.

- Oh.
Yeah.

Well, I need you
to come to Canada.

My school has
a huge hockey game

against their rivals,

and we gotta make sure
that game never happens.

If we can pull this off,

I'll kicked out of here
and be home in no time.

[electronic beeping]
[all groan]

- Who was watching the timer?

- Lincoln is usually
the timer man.

- That does it.

We're coming, Lincoln!

[birds chirping]

- [snoring]

- [groaning]

Let Lily go!

[groans]

- [tweets]

- [snoring]

- [grunts]

♪ ♪

- [snoring continues]

♪ ♪

[toilet flushes]
- [grunting]

- [giggling]

- [gasps]

- Lily stay home forever!

- Huh...

[intriguing music]

- Hey.
We made it to the ferry.

Maybe we're not as hopeless
as we think.

- So who's got the tickets?

No one bought tickets?

- Sounds like a Lincoln job.

[all groan]

- Well, looks like
we're swimming

across this here river.

- But the water is freezing.

- Then we best get
to lathering.

[bluegrass music]

Nothing like farm fresh butter
to trap the heat.

[all gag]

[birds chirping]

- [giggling]

- Lily, sweetie,
we need to talk.

- Uh-oh.

- We know you're potty trained.

- What?
No, no, no, no!

Look.
[groaning]

[exhales]

- Lily, it's okay.

We know that preschool
is a big change.

So Mommy and Daddy decided
you can stay.

It's fine if you're
not ready to leave home.

- Yay!

Lily stay home forever!

[giggling]

- Mom, Dad.
[crying]

I'm not ready to leave home!

[sobbing]

- What is happening?

- ♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum ♪

[all shivering]

- I knew we should've sprung

for the moose
with a bigger caboose.

♪ ♪

- [snorts]

- Are we there yet?

- Let me check the GPS.

I think it's frozen.

- J--J--Just give it
a good whack.

- [shivering]
Sweet.

Now we don't have a map.

- Um, guys?

That might be the least
of our problems.

[dramatic music]

- [moaning]

- A yeti!
Stand back, everyone.

I'm highly trained
in cryptid combat.

- [grunting]

- Lincoln!

You came for us!

- Yeah, I was worried.

You guys should have
been here hours ago.

What happened?
- Don't ask.

Liam, you got any more
of that butter?

I'm freezing my 'stache off.

No!

- As you can see, we're falling
apart without you, buddy!

- Ditto.

Time to put operation
stop the hockey game

and get kicked out of school

so that I can finally end
this frozen nightmare,

and also think of a shorter
name for this operation.

[gasps]Whew.
Into action.

[energetic music]

- Hair dryers?

- You can't play hockey
without ice.

[hair dryer whirring]

- Yes!
- Hot dog.

♪ ♪

- W--Whoa!
Yeah!

- Whoo!
Whoo.

- Get back here with that!

[grunts]

[hair dryers whirring]

♪ ♪

-Well, bust my flannels.

What's going on here, eh?

- Oh, no.
Principal Marshall?

We're so busted!

- Do you realize
what you've done?

- Sorry, Principal Marshall.

I guess I'm a born
trouble-maker.

I just can't help myself!

Anyway, I'm sure this means
I'm kicked out,

so I'll just go
grab my belongings.

- No!
You actually saved me.

- Seriously?

- I was actually coming down
here to melt the ice myself.

But you could have just
turned on the heater.

[heater whirrs on]

But uh, hairdryers work too.

Look, between us,

I've got no interest
in playing this hockey game.

The coach of our
rival school is...

my big brother, Gordy!

And every year,
win, lose, or draw,

he gives me
an enormous post-game wedgie.

- But Principal Marshall--

- Now don't worry
your little toques.

I'll take full responsibility
for this kerfuffle.

Now you should all head'r.

That's Canadian for skedaddle.

I'll tell everyone
the game's off.

[whistling tune]

- [groans]

[insects chirping]

- [chomping]

Maybe I could commute
to Fairway.

Three hours each way
isn't so bad, right?

- [barks]

[door opens]
[all groaning]

- Our Canadian goose is cooked.

- We can't give up, guys.

Who's got another plan?

- I know.

Lincoln, we could change
your name and dye your hair.

My parents have done that
like seven times.

- Or we hide you
in my chicken coop.

We just laid down fresh hay.

- [sighs]
Look, guys.

We tried everything.

Maybe it's time
we just accept it.

We're not gonna be together
for middle school.

- But buddy,
how are we gonna survive?

- We're just gonna have to.

You'll get used to me
not being around every day.

And I'll try to adjust
to Canada.

We'll take it day by day, eh?

See?
I'm getting used to it already.

- Later, dawgs.
- Yeah, I guess.

- [sighs]
Okay.

[solemn jazz piano music]

- Stay safe up there
in the Great White North.

- And Lori, don't worry.You'll--

wait, Lori?
What are you doing home?

- I was actually just leaving.

You helped me
figure some stuff out.

I mean, if you can make it work
in another country,

I can make it work at Fairway.

Thanks, Linc.

♪ ♪

[birds chirping]

- [groaning]

- You need an assist there,fella?
- [moaning]

[gasps]

What are you guys doing here?

- Well, we thought
about what you said.

And you're right.
We'll make this work.

- Starting with our very first
international breakfast swap.

- Aww, thanks, guys.

You're the best.

- I got butter.
What do you all got?

- f*ring up
the maple syrup hose.

- Actually, no syrup
for me today please.

I'm a little syrup-ed out.

[all gasp]

- Why is everyone
staring at us?

Is my fly down?

- Lincoln Loud,

in accordance with the Royal
Canadian Maple Syrup Code,

you are hereby booted
from Canada.

Sorry about that.

- [gasps]
Three years?

That's all of middle school!

- Guys, I'm coming home.

[all cheering]

[birds chirping]

Wear lucky underwear.
Check.

Wear new jeans.
Check.

Put on best polo.

Check.

What a difference
a week makes, eh?

[indistinct chatter]

[beast roars]

[laser zaps]

- Well, maybe not that much
of a difference.

- Let me in! Let me in!
- Leni, hurry up in there.

- This isn't funny.

- I can't believe I have
to go back to high school.

Pre-school had finger painting,
naps, a trampoline!

- [gasps]

Finger painting?
Trampoline?

- It was, like, so bouncy.

[sighs]
I really loved that place.

- [panting][grunts]

- Wanna go to school.
Wanna go to school.

- I don't know
how that happened

but I'll take it.

- Me too.
- [sighs]

We finally got the house--
[car horn honks]

But she's got the car keys!
- [gasps]

- I'm so proud of you for
deciding to come back, babe.

- Thanks, Boo-Boo Bear.

And I got a really good
feeling about this floor,

whatever it might be.

[elevator dings]

[water gushing]

- Ugh.
The water hazard floor?

Let's go check out
another one.

- [alligator growls]

- [squeals]

Mm, no, that's okay.

I'm gonna make it work.

[whimpers]
Gah!

- Well, that's the last Loud
out of the house.

It's the end of an era.

[sobbing]
- Yep.

Our kids are growing up.

- [laughing]

- Whoo!
[laughs]

both: Leni?

- I promise I'm going
to big girl school today.

Just five more bounces!

[bell ringing]

- All right.
I'll give up my pancakes

if someone has bacon.

- We'll take that trade.

What?
I'm giving him a good home.

[all laughing]

- Well, I'm off to the Hof.

- I never thought
I'd be so happy

to see you go
to Bolhofner's class.

- So good to have you back.
- Bring it in, dogs.

- Yeah, for sure.

- Uh, guys?

Some upperclassmen
are starting to stare.

- Let 'em.

- Come on.
Hurry on to class now.

Don't let me catch you tardy.

- Hall pass please.

- But I...
Wait.

I'm the principal.

- Then you should know
better than anyone

that you need a hall pass.

- [grunts]

Huh?

[all groaning]

- Hello,
you beautiful classroom!

Hank,
how's my favorite class pet?

- [giggles]

- Chandler, good to see ya,my man!

Missed each and every one
of you--you the most, Mr. B!

- How lovely for us.

Now zip it!

- Absolutely.
But uh, Mr. Bolhofner, sir?

Is there any way you could
turn down the temp in here?

I got kinda used to the cold.

[all gasp]

[ominous music]

[chalk cracks]

- Turn down the temp?

[beeps]

Yeah, I don't care.

No one's ever asked.

[all cheering]

- Oh, big whoop.
So what?

You're still the same old
Lincoln Lame.

- [grunts]

- Ellie Mae,
you get back here now!

- [groans]

- Whoa.
Whoa!

[moose growling]
[brawling]

- You know what?

I think I'm gonna
like middle school.

♪ ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪