03x12 - The Seven Souvenirs

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Adventures of Superman". Aired: September 19, 1952 – April 28, 1958.*
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Beloved series based on comic book characters and concepts that Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster created in 1938 where Superman battles crooks, gangsters, and other villains in the fictional city of Metropolis while masquerading "off duty" as Daily Planet reporter Clark Kent.
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03x12 - The Seven Souvenirs

Post by bunniefuu »

NARRATOR: The
Adventures of Superman.

Faster than a speeding b*llet.

More powerful than a locomotive.

Able to leap tall buildings
at a single bound.

MAN: Look. Up in the
sky. MAN 2: It's a bird.

WOMAN: It's a plane.
MAN 3: It's Superman.

NARRATOR: Yes, it's Superman,

strange visitor
from another planet

who came to Earth
with powers and abilities

far beyond those of mortal men.

Superman, who can change
the course of mighty rivers,

bend steel in his bare hands,

and who, disguised
as Clark Kent,

mild-mannered reporter for a
great metropolitan newspaper,

fights a never-ending battle

for truth, justice and
the American way.

[♪♪♪]

All right, Max,
take 'em in the car.

Hi, Superman.

Hello, Jimmy, what
are you doing here?

I was at headquarters
when Inspector Henderson

got the call.

Looks like the kid
b*at out Clark Kent

on a Superman story.

I wouldn't say that.
Kent gets around too.

Wait.

Superman, thanks
again for helping us.

Not at all, inspector.

Well, couple more crooks
locked up, thanks to him.

Want a lift downtown?

No, never mind, inspector.

I want to look
around here for a bit.

What for?

You didn't happen to see that
crowbar around here, did ya?

You mean, the one Superman
wrapped around those two crooks?

[CHUCKLES]

Boy, it was bent like a pretzel.

No, he got it off for
us and then, uh...

Well, that's funny.

A lot of people around,
maybe somebody picked it up.

What do you want it for?

I thought it might
make a good souvenir.

Yes, it would.

Matter of fact, I wouldn't
mind having it myself.

But I guess we're out of
luck. Somebody b*at us to it.

So long, Jimmy. Bye, inspector.

[CHIMES JINGLE]

Genuine...

Super... man...

souvenir.

There.

Now, what'll I charge?

Ten dollars.

No, no, no. That's not enough.

Fifteen. Fifteen.

No, no, no, no.
Twenty-five dollars.

Twenty-five dollars.

There.

[CHUCKLES]

I knew the minute I put
that item in the window

it would sell. Here, feel this.

A solid iron crowbar.

Or maybe steel.

Now, could you bend
a crowbar like that?

Or could I?

No, only Superman,
the great Superman...

Never mind all that stuff.

You were in the crowd

when they arrested
those guys, weren't ya?

I saw you on the
street afterwards.

Yes, of course.

But you can't take
this away from me.

Finders keepers.

This is one of the
best finds I ever made.

Now, $24.50. Would
$24.50 be too much?

You mean you picked that
up just so you could sell it?

Well, what do you think I'm
in business for, my health?

I was in business for my health
until I got the Superman idea.

Look, a spinning wheel. Would
you want a spinning wheel?

Or an Oriental back-scratcher?

No, of course not.

You're a young man
of the Metropolis.

When you buy a curio,
it's got to be authentic.

It's got to be real. It's
got to be Superman.

You're talking so
much I don't understand

what you're trying to say.

Twenty dollars and
seventy-five cents.

No!

I don't have that kind of money.

But... do you mean you've
got other Superman stuff?

Yeah. Maybe something for $5.

You do have $5, don't you?

Well, maybe three or four...

Here. Three-fifty,
and it's yours.

A brick.

A brick? Oh, you
ignorant young man.

Look, that's where his
thumb went right through it.

The one and only
such brick in existence.

You mean Superman's thumb?

Yeah, the
something-or-other case.

You must have read
about it in the Daily Planet

a couple of weeks ago.

Anyway, he smashed
through a brick wall,

and I collected every
one of the bricks.

And that's the
last one there is.

Three and a quarter.

Oh, I'll take it for
three and a quarter.

Jeepers, you got all kind of
Superman souvenirs, haven't ya?

J. Willy, proprietor,
at your service.

The Superman souvenir shop.

Yeah. Golly, that's some idea.

Well, thank you, sir.

Yeah, come back,
won't you? Come back.

As you can see, it was
just a routine assignment.

Hi, Mr. Kent, Miss
Lane. Look what I got.

Who you gonna throw that at?

Nobody. This isn't
a throwing brick,

this is a saving brick.

What are you talking about?

Apparently Jimmy's planning
on getting married, Lois,

and he's saving up for
his house, brick by brick.

What on earth? Let me see it.

Be careful, don't touch
it. It's the only one there is.

Look, that's his
thumbprint in it.

Whose? What are
you talking about?

A Superman
souvenir. It's real too.

The guy at the store
said... Oh, I know.

But I bet it cost you three
or four dollars, didn't it?

How do you know?

I found that shop yesterday.

And Mr. Willy, isn't
he the cutest thing?

But you should see
the bargain I got.

Will someone please tell
me what this is all about?

Oh, you're not interested.

Look, Jimmy, a
dagger, and only $4.95.

Bet that's better
than a dirty old brick.

I'm gonna use it as a
paperweight at home.

Gee, I wish I'd got there first.

What good is it? It's bent.

Oh, Clark, really.

This is the same
Kn*fe a spy used

to try to s*ab Superman
with last month.

It's bent because it
couldn't pierce his skin.

Oh, sure. I remember.

Huh?

How could you remember?
You were out of town, Mr. Kent.

Don't pay any attention to him.

He's up in the clouds today.

The boss's been
patting him on the back

for getting that story

about Superman catching
crooks this morning.

Oh. But that was the
story I was gonna write.

I was there with
Inspector Henderson.

I mean, I got so
interested in souvenirs,

I forgot all about it.

I don't blame you, Jimmy.

Gee, the things
that Mr. Willy's got.

Maybe I could write
a story about him.

About those souvenirs.

Golly, Mr. Kent, you
ought to see the crowbar...

Mr. Kent is just not
interested, Jimmy.

He hit me.

He hit me.

Mr. Jasper, sit down.
Jimmy, get some water.

You know me?

Of course. Jasper and
Company, chemical engineers.

Your office is right
down the corridor.

Now, tell me. Who hit you?

I don't know. I never
saw him before.

He had a scar...

The payroll. That's
what he was after.

I've gotta get
back to my office.

It was the whole payroll
for my plant out of town.

That money's
gone I'll be ruined.

No.

It's still here.

That's strange. I
was unconscious.

He could have taken it.

It looks to me like you
were just plain slugged.

Have you got any enemies?

No, not that I know of.

He was such a huge bruiser,

he must have been
after something.

Now, let's see.

I was just sitting there,

playing with a paperknife
I'd recently bought...

Did you say a paper Kn*fe?

It's gone.

It was just a silly
little thing, I know.

It was only worth a few dollars.

I picked it up this
morning at the curio shop.

Believe it or not,
it was a dagger

all bent out of shape when
it bounced off Superman.

Superman?

You know something,
that's what he took.

That's what the
man came here after.

I must be. It's the only
thing that's missing.

But why?

Was it anything like this?

Why, yes.

That's it. That's mine.

How did you get
it? Oh, no, it isn't.

I bought it yesterday afternoon.

That's strange. It's identical.

Same blade, heavy
handle, everything.

And Mr. Willy said mine
was the only one there was.

That's what he told me too.

Let me see that Kn*fe, Lois? No.

I just think it's something

that Superman should
know himself, that's all.

Yes, I think he should.

Well, maybe he will.

Maybe I'll find him and tell
him about that souvenir shop.

It's my Kn*fe, Clark,
and my mystery.

You weren't even interested...

All right, Lois,
all right. I'm sorry.

But this isn't the
time to go into it.

But it is time for you and
Jim to take this gentleman

down to see Inspector Henderson
and tell him the whole story.

Oh, and just what do you
propose to do, Mr. Kent?

Since everyone is so
interested in souvenirs,

I thought I might shop
around a bit myself.

Would you hurry, please?
I'm late for an appointment.

There you are, and
there's your change.

Oh, women.

Never a word of
goodbye or thanks for...

Good morning, sir.
What can I do for you?

Good morning. I understand
you sell souvenirs here.

Of Superman.

Oh, the crowbar!

Yes, indeed I do.

And you're just the
man for that crowbar.

Well, I don't know
about the crowbar,

but I am interested in a Kn*fe.

A Kn*fe?

Yes, the dagger that
was supposedly flattened

on Superman's chest.

I believe you have
it. Oh, that Kn*fe.

Yes, yes, indeed I have.

I have it right here.

Oh, you have. It?

Well, there's only
one, naturally. Oh.

All my souvenirs are
authentic originals.

Is that so?

Just ask Superman,
if you don't believe me.

Now, that Kn*fe is
right... Oh, I remember!

It's out back.

I took it down the street
for polishing the other day.

Anything I hate,
is a rusty souvenir.

Oh, so do I.

Don't worry, it won't
take a minute to unwrap it.

Take your time. I'm in no hurry.

I'd like to look around.

I'll find it. I'll find it.

Don't worry.

Yeah, yeah. Here we are.

It'll just be a minute
now. Just be a minute.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. I dropped it.

Didn't hurt it a bit.
There, look at that.

Bent by the man
of steel, himself.

And only $7.50.

Mr. Willy, has it
ever occurred to you

how Superman might feel
if he caught you doing this?

There's no harm
in selling souvenirs.

I don't think he'd like it much.

Nonsense. Nonsense.

I know Superman
better than you do.

He's got nothing against me.
He doesn't want to see me poor.

That's not what I meant.

I'm talking about
selling fake souvenirs.

Like that drawer full
of extra knives there.

My souvenirs are authentic...
That is, most of them.

Wait a minute.

That woman who was just
here drove off in the car,

what did she buy?

Just a little souvenir.
What kind of a souvenir?

Well, well, it...
It was a Kn*fe.

A Kn*fe. Well, who is she?

Where does she live? I
don't know anything about her.

I do a strictly cash
business. No charge account.

Hence, no names and
addresses. Oh, fine.

Ugh...

Man must be crazy.

[♪♪♪]

Get me out.

Help, the door's
jammed. Help me, please.

[SOBBING]

Oh.

Now, now, it's all
right. Take it easy.

He was... He was
in the back seat.

Hiding! I saw him in the mirror.

Who was? Now, what happened?

The man with the scar.

He grabbed my package...

and then... Then
I started skidding.

He jumped out before
the car even stopped.

I saw him running, and then
people came to help me...

Now, just a minute. Hold it up.

Easy does it.

You say a man took your
package? A man with a scar?

Yes. And there was
my purse, right there.

Why didn't he take that?

What was in that package?

Oh, just a silly little Kn*fe.

A... A bent-up little Kn*fe.

I mean... you bent it.

It was a souvenir
I just bought. Oh.

Superman, what does it mean?

I don't know yet.

But with the number of
knives floating around,

I'd better find out in a
hurry. Will you excuse me?

Certainly. Thank you.

Now, let's see. Who's next?

Great Caesar's ghost. How many?

And in each case the man
just took one of those knives?

Kent, where have you been?

This is the craziest
story we've had in years.

Is that Inspector Henderson?

Three more people
have been assaulted,

from each one they
took a souvenir Kn*fe.

All just the same.

Yes, go on. Has Lois
Lane come back yet?

Shh. I said has Lois come back?

Quiet. Chief, I'm
sorry. Let me have it.

Hello, Bill?

Hey. What's all the
shouting up there?

Yes, Kent, I heard you.

Miss Lane's still
here at headquarters,

so of course, she's all right.

Oh. I was worried.

She has one of
those knives herself.

She has?

She didn't tell me
anything about it.

Well, you'd better
take it away from her.

Everyone that has one
seems to be getting in trouble.

What's this about more
people being assaulted?

Oh, yes.

Three others who bought
knives also had them stolen.

No, nobody k*lled yet.

But it was probably the same
scarfaced man who did it.

He'd have to move awfully fast.

Not necessarily.

One of these assaults
happened last night,

the others early this morning.

I've got Mr. Jasper, the
chemist, in the other room

trying to put
together a description

of the scarface for us.

That's where Miss Lane and
young Olsen are right now.

But I sure didn't
know she had a Kn*fe.

Now, hang on a second.

Well, what's bothering you?

Nothing. I was just
trying to remember.

I think his scar was on
the right side of the face.

Miss Lane?

You mean the girl reporter? Yes.

She and the boy went
out several minutes ago.

Went out?

There was a messenger
here with a note.

Something about a
fire in her apartment.

Miss Lane and Jimmy
went over to her apartment.

Something about a fire.

Thanks, Bill.

Hey, where you going, Kent?

They may be in trouble again.

I don't smell any smoke.

There's not a fireman
or a piece of fire hose in...

Okay, don't bother
to turn around.

Step over there, Miss Lane.

You. Tie her up and
blindfold her. But good.

What's this all about?

Just a Kn*fe, that's all.

What do you want
with that Kn*fe?

Don't you wish you knew.

Make a million bucks, maybe.

'Cause I'm a nut for
souvenirs, maybe.

Oof!

[JIMMY YELLS]

Jimmy. Are you all right?

They never learn not
to fool around with me.

[♪♪♪]

[AIR WHOOSHING]

Jimmy, I hear Superman.

Well, looks like
I'm too late again.

I tried to jump the guy
with the scar, Superman,

but he whacked me over the head,

and he got away with the Kn*fe.

But, Superman, I've got it!

I know why he
wants those knives.

There's something valuable
hidden inside one of them.

And he keeps chasing after
them until he finds the right Kn*fe.

I hardly think that's likely.

But, Superman, the real Kn*fe,

I mean, the one Mr. Willy
claims all these to be,

is the one a spy
tried to s*ab you with

several weeks ago, remember?

And he from Asia.

Maybe there's a secret
formula hidden inside one of 'em.

Now, just a minute, Jimmy.

We're getting a
little wild, aren't we?

If you could only use
your x-ray vision...

Superman, he's right.

Why else would a man

be so frantic to get
all these knives?

There's one sure
way to find out.

How?

I'll get hold of a Kn*fe
and walk around town...

He'd never att*ck
you. That's very true.

So I'll get Clark Kent to do it.

I'll keep an eye on him.

Meanwhile, you two be careful.

Well, he and Clark Kent

are certainly being
thick these days.

They sure are.

We got him. We
need a seventh Kn*fe.

That's what the boss wanted.

This guy's got the
craziest reactions.

Let go, bud, you're unconscious!

We gotta take
him with us, Louie.

Gimme a hand.

This is it, Louie. Big
house, right ahead.

The boss will be
along pretty quick.

Then we can collect
our million-bucks pay

and retire.

Hey, what a job, huh?

[LAUGHS]

Hey, he let go of
the Kn*fe. I got it.

Now the job's really completed.

Come on, we'll dump out here.

[ENGINE STARTS]

[♪♪♪]

[RINGING]

Yes?

Who?

Superman!

Yes, yes. I'll get there
as quickly as I can.

We got it. We got it.

A million bucks.

Leave us be on our way.

Leave us.

[ENGINE STARTS]

[♪♪♪]

[SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE]

Hello, inspector.

Well, well, already
captured 'em, eh?

These are just the hired
hands who did the work.

They don't look bright
enough to mastermind anything.

Bright enough to collect
a cool million dollars.

A million dollars?
But who paid 'em.

What could be in those knives
that's worth that much money?

We'll find out when we
go up the road a little ways.

Can Flannery take care
of these two characters?

Flannery can.

So hop in if you don't mind
riding in a car for a change.

My pleasure to ride with
you always, inspector.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Yes?

Yes, who is it?

MAN: Victor Henderson.

Oh, hello there.
Come in. Come in.

Mr. Jasper!

Yes, this is his home.

That's right. What do you want?

You know. Where are the knives?

All seven of them.

Knives?

Perhaps I can
help you, inspector.

I see them through that wall.

On the table.

I don't understand.

They're just souvenirs I bought.

Here we are, inspector.

Mr. Jasper, you're under arrest.

You're responsible for all this.

What?

Why, I haven't done anything.

Don't you realize? I was
even assaulted myself.

Sure, sure, to make
it look good, I know.

No, please listen
to me... Never mind.

Superman, I'm gonna look
around the rest of the house.

All right, inspector.

You believe me, don't you?

I was just sitting here working.

We have a synthetic-metals
program under way, you know.

But if someone else
has been in the house,

I'm sure I didn't know about it.

I see, Mr. Jasper,

Everyone seems to think
there's something very valuable

in one of those knives. Oh.

And you're going to examine
them with your x-ray vision.

Mm-hm. That's correct.

That's the most powerful
x-ray in the world, isn't it?

I presume so,
when I want it to be.

We'd better stand back.

We could be b*rned by the
ray bombardment, so intense.

That's quite correct.

You'd better all
wait in the hall.

Very well.

Well?

Looks like you're all wrong.

There's absolutely
nothing hidden

in any one of those knives.

Of course not.

The knives are mine. I
bought them legitimately.

Maybe there has been a mistake.

Superman, look at
this. Seven more knives.

I found them in
the upstairs hall.

Oh, no.

I don't think you'll find
anything hidden in those either.

Hey, maybe those are the
ones the guy with the scar

stole from the people
and brought here.

But why? And who
did he deliver them to?

And if there isn't
anything in the knives...

Well, at least you know
I'm telling the truth now.

You can't prove I've done
one single thing wrong.

I've never seen
those knives before.

And the ones in my office...

Well, they're just
mine, that's all.

Now, please take your
mysteries out of here.

Superman, what do
you think we ought to do?

Believe him, I guess, inspector.

That is, if Mr. Jasper will do
me one favor before we go.

Why, of course.
I'd like to cooperate.

Fine. I'd like to have
one of your knives.

As a souvenir. Certainly.

Here, it's all yours.

No, no. Not one of those.

I want one of the
knives in there

that I just subjected
to my x-ray vision.

What? No.

I mean, help yourself.

You're afraid to go in that
room, aren't you, Mr. Jasper?

You know all about
harmless metals, don't you?

Or perhaps the alloys I saw in
there are no longer harmless.

Please, don't make
me go in there.

It's all very simple.

You hire a couple of
thugs to steal knives,

so we'll think there was
something hidden in one of them.

Why?

So you could trick me
into using my x-ray vision

on certain knives you
made yourself, right?

Yes, yes. The knives
are made out of alloy.

I've worked on this all my life.

But your x-ray was the
only one powerful enough.

I don't get it. What's
he talking about?

I'll show you, Jimmy.

There, you see?

Jeepers.

You see, Jimmy...

Certain alloys can be changed
when bombarded by an x-ray.

That is, provided you can
find one powerful enough.

Mr. Jasper here has made
a truly remarkable discovery.

He tricked me into
using my x-ray vision

on those knives of his.

Which transformed
them into pure radium,

worth many millions of dollars.

All right, Mr. Jasper.

Come along with me.

[♪♪♪]

[CHIMES JINGLE]

Superman. Yes, Mr. Willy.

Everyone's taken
care of but you.

Everyone?

The police just appropriated
several million dollars

worth of radium for
Metropolis hospitals.

It was obtained fraudulently
by a man who's now in prison.

Prison? Fraud?

Superman, you're not going
to say what I did was that?

Not exactly.

But I want you to stop
selling Superman souvenirs.

Even if they're genuine,
like that crowbar.

But I have stopped.
Can't you see?

I'm in the pastry business now.

My wife does the baking,
and I do the selling.

That souvenir business
was far too dangerous.

Far too dangerous.
You're absolutely right.

Well, good luck to you.

Oh, and don't eat
up all the profits.

Hm. Oh, Superman?

Yes?

Anytime you need a wedding
cake or anything like that,

just please, it'll
be on the house.

Thank you. I'll remember.

Oh, that beautiful cape of his.

What a souvenir that would make.

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: Don't miss
the next thrill-packed episode

in the amazing
Adventures of Superman.

Superman is based
on the original character

appearing in Superman magazine.
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