04x07 - The Girl Who Hired Superman

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: The
Adventures of Superman!

Faster than a speeding b*llet.

More powerful than a locomotive.

Able to leap tall buildings
at a single bound.

MAN: Look! Up in the
sky! MAN 2: It's a bird!

WOMAN: It's a plane!
MAN 3: It's Superman!

NARRATOR: Yes, it's Superman,

strange visitor
from another planet

who came to Earth
with powers and abilities

far beyond those of mortal men.

Superman, who can change
the course of mighty rivers,

bend steel in his bare hands,

and who, disguised
as Clark Kent,

mild-mannered reporter for a
great metropolitan newspaper,

fights a never-ending battle

for truth, justice and
the American way.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Three attempts we have made,

and three times our
plans have been ruined

by this Superman.

I'm aware of that.

So do something,
not just read the paper.

Newspapers are
full of ideas, Oresto.

Like the one I just had.

I've sent Mara downtown

to place an ad in
the Daily Planet.

For somebody to help us
commit our crime, no doubt.

Not somebody.

Superman.

May I help you? If you can't,

you have no business
drawing a salary.

I want to place
this ad in the Planet.

"Superman,

"I want to hire you.

"Name your own price.

Contact Box 243 immediately."

At least, you can read.
How much will that be?

Hi, Milly. Can I use
your pen, please?

Hello, Mr. Kent. Certainly.
I said, how much?

Well, let's see, uh...

A one inch ad in the
personals would be...

I didn't say personals.
I want a full page.

Full page?

But it's only two
or three lines.

Uh, you.

Do you have something
to do with this paper?

Well, I work here,
yes. May I see the ad?

For heaven's sake,
you'd think it was

against the law to advertise.

Uh, not against the
law. But in this case,

it's a waste of money.

I'll take care of this, Milly.

Oh, thanks. I beg your pardon.

My name is Mara Van Cleaver.
I waste more money in a day

than you make in a year.

Ah, yes.

Mara Van Cleaver,
madcap heiress.

Well, it just so happens
that Superman is not for sale.

Oh, dear.

He sounds terribly stuffy.

I know.

I'll give Superman $10,000,

and he can donate it to
some equally stuffy charity.

Well, now, there's
a possibility in that.

What did you want him to do?

Why should I
discuss it with you?

Oh, uh, my name
is Kent. Clark Kent.

I work in the
papers, I told you.

And I've been known
to contact Superman.

Oh. All right, I'll leave it in
your hands then, Mr. Kent.

You still haven't told me
what you want him to do.

I'm giving a private
party, just for laughs,

and I want
Superman to entertain.

There'll only be
one guest there.

A visiting diplomat
from South Argonia.

Oh? South Argonia?

Yes.

And the diplomatic relationship

between his country and
ours might well depend upon

his being properly
impressed and entertained.

At least, my guardian
seems to think so.

Sounds like it
could be important.

Well, then you'll give
Superman my message?

Yes, I'll phone you
his decision tomorrow.

Oh, fine.

The party's at 8:00
Tuesday evening.

And be sure to tell Superman
to make a spectacular entrance.

And have a photographer there.

Oh, yes, ma'am.

Oh. Just to make
everything official,

here's the $10,000.

I think cash is so much
nicer than a check, don't you?

[♪♪♪]

That's 4000 you owe me.

After tonight, that
will be peanuts.

What do you mean by that?

Nothing.

Just an idle remark, my dear.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Such a country.
Lightning without rain.

Just a summer
heat storm, Oresto.

Don't let it disturb you.

It could start many fires,

which could keep your police
and fire people busy tonight.

What an odd thing to say.

You mustn't insult
our guest, Mara.

Come.

I want you to see Mara's
collection of rare editions.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

I'm not interested
in rare editions.

I know, you fool. But
a few more references

to the police might
ruin everything.

It is not the police I worry of.

It is this Superman.

I assure you that we
have nothing to fear

from that source.

How can you be sure?

When Casper is doing his job,

Superman will be in this
room, entertaining you.

Here? In this very
room? Exactly.

For once, someone's
gonna make a fool of him.

Now, pull yourself together.

I will try.

Yes, these are lovely editions.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Who can that be?

It's probably the photographer.

Are you sure you told him
that we wanted a photographer?

Of course, I told him.

Although,
personally, I don't care

whether a photographer
comes or not.

I'm bored with having
my picture taken.

We must have a photographer.

I've planned on it.

Really, Jonas, what's
come over you lately?

Everything's such a big
deal. [DOOR OPENS]

Oh.

Well, anyway, you can
relax. [DOOR CLOSES]

Hello. Yes?

I'm Jim Olsen from
the Daily Planet,

and this is Miss Lane,
a reporter. A reporter?

We thought there
might be a feature story

to go with the pictures.

Mr. Kent would've come,

but he was on
another assignment.

Of course, of course.

I'm Jonas Rockwell, Miss
Van Cleaver's guardian.

May I present Miss
Lane, Mr. Olsen.

Miss Van Cleaver and
our distinguished guest,

Oresto de Mina la Scala
la Cuesta el Centro Jones.

How do you do?

A woman reporter. How novel.

Oh, it's just something to
keep me in caviar and mink.

Well, you'd better
sharpen your pencil

because it's nearly 8:00.

[♪♪♪]

You requested a spectacular
entrance, Miss Van Cleaver.

I hope that was satisfactory.

Also, I hope that you can afford
to have that window repaired.

Of course. And I do believe

you're going to earn
that charity money.

Superman, I believe
this is the first time

I've seen you when I
haven't been in trouble.

In fact, no one seems
to be in trouble tonight.

I'd like to present my
guardian, Jonas Rockwell,

and our guest, Oresto
de Mina la Scala...

La Cuesta el Centro Jones.

Welcome to our country, sir.

It is indeed a pleasure
to have you here.

You have no idea what pleasure.

I believe you could safely,
uh, dismiss Casper now, sir.

With Superman here, I'm sure
you don't need a bodyguard.

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Well, take your
places, everyone.

The curtain's about to go
up. Now, wait just a moment.

Entertaining isn't
exactly in my line,

but I'm going to try.

May I borrow that
diamond of yours?

My diamond? Please.

Well, I guess you can't hurt it.

Diamonds are the
world's hardest substance.

Thank you.

Well, first, we'll pop
the stone from its setting.

And then...

[♪♪♪]

[CRUNCHING]

That stone was worth a
fortune. He has ruined it.

I don't mind paying
for entertainment,

but really, Superman.

Your diamond isn't destroyed.

[CRUNCHING]

Your brooch.

I can't believe it.

It takes tons of pressure
to mold a diamond.

You did it with your bare hands.

[♪♪♪]

I see this is an
out-of-date directory,

so I guess it won't matter.

I have seen other
ordinary men do that trick.

Did you ever seen them do this?

I have never seen them do that,

for the simple
reason it is impossible.

But he just did it.

It is still impossible.

You will admit, however,
that we are most fortunate

to have Superman with
us here at this moment.

That I will admit.

[♪♪♪]

Wow, what a
picture that'll make.

He could make a fortune
working in circuses.

Some people are interested
in other things than money.

But I suppose you
wouldn't understand that.

Oh, I do believe
we're having sarcasm.

[APPLAUSE]

I think you've earned a rest.

I'll have some tea brought in.

Or do you prefer some
secret brew of your own?

Oh, please, don't
worry about me.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get it.

Did you get them?

Now, who will
know the difference?

You did a good job, Casper.

Don't you ever talk?

No, sir.

I've just had an excellent idea.

Mr. Olsen, would you be so good

as to take a group sh*t?

Sure, Mr. Rockwell.

Fine. Now, will you
just stand where you are.

Uh, Superman?
Between the two ladies.

My pleasure. And
we'll stand in here.

Are you crazy? Having
our pictures taken?

I know what I'm doing.

Go ahead, Mr. Olsen.

Got it. Maybe I should take
another for good measure.

No, no, no. Never
mind, young man.

I've just had another
excellent idea.

Do you mind if I
take this? Thank you.

No, go ahead.
It's on the Planet.

I, uh, I enjoyed your
performance very much indeed.

SUPERMAN: Well,
that's very kind. Thank you.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

And now, Superman,
I have one final

great favor to ask of you.

In honor of our
distinguished guest,

would you deliver this
negative to his family in Argonia?

It's something they
would never forget.

You're asking a great
deal, Mr. Rockwell.

Yes. Yes, I don't think
you should ask him to...

Of course, he will
be suitably rewarded

with additional
funds for charity.

You must think of
your family, Oresto.

That's what I am thinking of.

Very well, Mr. Rockwell.

Give me the film.

We'll never forget this.

And I'm speaking for the
country as a whole, of course.

The address is number
two Plaza del Patio.

Number two Plaza
del Patio. All right.

Goodbye, all.

[♪♪♪]

[THUNDER CRASHING]

I am beginning to
see the light, my friend.

And not from the lightning.

Exactly.

A superhuman delivery
boy, who thinks he's carrying

a simple photographic negative.

Actually, it was the only way

to get our merchandise
past the customs officials.

A stroke of genius.

As I said before,

it's time that someone
made a fool of Superman.

You look as though
you've swallowed a canary.

Two canaries.

And I must say, they
were most delicious.

Uh, it's getting quite late.

Perhaps you'd better be going.

Do you mind if I call
the developing room?

I have to use the phone.

Is it necessary?

Of course, you
may. It's right there.

It seems to be dead.

Oh. Probably the lightning.

Too bad.

Oh, well.

I must be getting careless.

Well, good night.
It was a swell party.

Casper will show you out.

Good night.

[LAUGHING]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Well, what is this? A
laughing hyena contest?

The laugh is on Superman
and the customs officials.

[CHUCKLES] Customs? Why
should there be any trouble

getting a picture
through customs?

Oresto was only joking, my dear.

I demand to know
what this is all about.

Very well. I'll tell you.

You're in it now,
anyway. Sit down.

I'll give it to you quickly
and without interruption.

Now, look, Jonas... I
said without interruption.

To begin with,

Oresto here is no diplomat.

He is a competent,

if not-too-highly-intelligent
contact man.

I've used him
several times before

in diamond transactions.

Is that what happened
to my tiara...? Be quiet.

As for tonight,

I'll have to go back
about a month.

At that time, Superman
trapped a counterfeiting ring.

This ring had the
most perfect plates

for engraving $20
bills ever made.

Superman turned
those plates over

to the district
attorney as evidence.

Tonight,

Casper stole those plates

out of the district
attorney's files.

And they are what Superman
is now flying to Argonia.

It would be too risky
to print the money here.

That's why the former owners
of the plates were caught.

Exactly. Now, do you
understand, my dear?

But why, Jonas? We have
more money than we need.

As a matter of
fact, we're broke.

That's impossible.

Is it?

Between us, we've spent
every cent you inherited.

You had no right.

Of course, not.

But your lavish
ways are contagious.

I embezzled everything
you didn't throw away.

I'll have you
thrown in jail for this.

Will you? And then what?

Can you picture Mara Van
Cleaver a penniless working girl?

I still have my diamonds.

Imitation. I had them made up.

The real ones went long ago.

Play with us, and
you'll be rich again.

I don't know what to do.

Well, let me put it this
way. You have no choice.

I could swear that you
were an accomplice

to everything that
happened tonight.

After all,

it wasn't I who hired Superman.

I want to get these
developed tonight,

so I can catch
the early edition.

Right. I'll get the
story on paper.

Miss Lane? Mm-hm?

I used six holders tonight.

Mm. Minus the one you
gave away makes five.

Well, that's just it.

I still got six exposed holders.

So you took an extra one.

I saw Superman put
the film holder in his belt.

And I found one on a
table behind some books.

Are you sure, Jim?

Positive.

When these are developed,
I'm willing to bet my bow tie

that that group
picture's among 'em.

Then Superman isn't
carrying what he thinks he is.

Maybe they have
an explanation, Jim.

But I'd like to get back
there and hear it. Let's go.

How did I get into this?

[DOORBELL RINGS] See who it is.

No! Don't answer it.

In a few hours
it will all be over.

We're taking the midnight
plane for Argonia. All of us.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

You forgot something?
Uh, no, but you did.

You forgot to tell us
about that extra film holder.

What extra film holder?

You know what I mean.
We thought we'd give you

a chance to explain
before we called the police.

If you insist.

The explanation is that
you've stumbled onto something

that may very well
cost you your lives.

We must have the wrong house.

I guess the wrong
house is the right house.

Take them away. No.

We're in trouble enough.

You stay out of this.

Would you let them
go if they promised

not to breathe a word of this?

They're people of honor, so
I would accept their promise.

But I'm sure they
wouldn't give it

because they are
people of honor.

Would you promise if
within six months, we...?

We send you $50,000?

A hundred thousand?

I feel sorry for you.

You still think money is
the answer to everything.

You see, my dear?

You'll be locked
in a b*mb shelter

built underground
in the back yard.

The walls are lead-lined
against atomic radiation.

Which means that even
Superman's x-ray vision

can't see through
them to find you.

There'll be enough food
and water for a few days.

After that, you'll have
to live on your integrity.

[♪♪♪]

[PHONE RINGS]

Robbery Detail. Henderson.

Oh, thanks.

Get me a squad car.

The counterfeit plates,
they've been stolen.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

It's the police.

I know it. They've
learned something.

Mara, there's
nothing to be afraid of.

We're simply going for
a vacation in Argonia.

Will we ever come back?

Certainly.

When we're ready
to flood the country

with the most perfect
counterfeit money ever made.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Mr. Kent. Good evening.

So you're the famous reporter.

Oh, not so famous. I'm here
at the request of Superman.

Oh, he left about an hour ago.

As you can see, we're about
ready to leave ourselves.

I'm afraid not. You
see, the police'll

be here in about 15
minutes. You wouldn't get far.

The police? I do not understand.

I think you do.
Counterfeiting, remember?

JONAS: And where
is this Superman now?

CLARK: Well,
that isn't important.

But he wanted me to get
here ahead of the police

to see if you'd come
along peaceably.

Because of him, Casper,

we will never see Argonia again.

I no see Argonia no more?

He couldn't have missed.
Casper never misses.

Then you... You're Superman!

I wouldn't say that.

Let's just say
that I'm very lucky.

The engraving plate.

Bent, ruined.

b*llet must've hit it. Hm.

Little good it does us.

Mm, yes. Our little
venture is ruined.

But, so far as the
evidence is concerned,

it's just Kent's
word against ours.

One against four.

So good night, Mr. Kent.

If you're ever in
Argonia, look us up.

What about the police?

They can't stop us from
getting on the plane.

First, tell me what you've
done with Lois and Jimmy.

It's none of your
business, Mr. Kent.

So why don't you just go
away and leave us alone.

[♪♪♪]

All right, Miss Van Cleaver.

[SIGHS]

I guess you win.

Just a minute. I'll take that.

Take what?

"Your friends are
in the b*mb shelter

in the back of the house."

Really, Mara, that
wasn't very clever.

Mr. Kent, now that you
know where your friends are,

I couldn't possibly let you go.

It would mean two more
witnesses on your side.

As for you, my dear,

since you're so
interested in the others,

perhaps you'd better join them.

Anyway, we've got
a fourth for bridge.

With this lead lining,

Superman could never find
us, even if he came back.

Clark, what in the world
gave him the tip-off?

Well, when Superman
did the diamond trick,

he knew it must be fake
because it broke so easily.

But Mara obviously knew nothing.

I certainly didn't.

That's what he thought.

Anyway, he decided to play
along to see what their game was.

He wanted to know who their
undercover man was in Argonia.

Well, at least we
got the best-equipped

b*mb shelter in the world.

A radio. [THUNDER CRASHES]

Water enough to last a month.

A stove, a first-aid kit.

Did I say a radio?

Clark, if it would only work.

Who would we call?

Well, if we can
get the police band,

we can call Inspector Henderson.

That's a good idea.

But those batteries are dead.

Maybe it's that aerial.

It might just work, at that.

What might just work?

What are you talking about?

You know, Mr. Kent,

sometimes Miss Lane
actually thinks you're Superman.

So why don't you
just bust outta here.

Well, Jimmy, if I did that,
she'd be sure, wouldn't she?

Anyway, I want you all
to go in this next room.

I have a little idea. Come on.

It may be dangerous,
and I don't want

anyone else to share
that. Come on. Out we go.

Thank you.

[SIGHS]

What's he doing?

It might be dangerous, he says.

Since when is he such a hero?

Of course, I could
break out of here.

Can you imagine the
embarrassing questions?

[♪♪♪]

[THUNDER CRASHES]

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Mr. Kent? Mr. Kent!

Just a minute, Jimmy.

Jeepers, Mr. Kent.
What are you doin'?

Uh, come right in, Jimmy.

We heard a terrible
noise. Are you all right?

Yes, of course, I'm all right.

Uh, the lightning seemed
to have struck the aerial,

and it jumped right
over the battery cable.

Afraid it ruined everything.

Or maybe saved our lives.

[RADIO BLEEPING] It works.

The lightning
charged the battery.

Excuse me, Jimmy.

Calling Inspector Henderson.

This is urgent.

Come in, Inspector Henderson.

Kent, what are you doing
on the police channel?

You know it's illegal.

Yes, I know, Bill. But
this is terribly important.

Now, look, we're all
locked in a b*mb shelter

in the rear of the
Van Cleaver estate.

But never mind about us now.

I want you to get
right at the airport

and pick up three people
with tickets for Argonia.

Right. I'll send you a squad.

Airport.

[CHEERING AND LAUGHING]

Caviar, anyone?

Oh, no, thanks.

I've lost my taste for caviar.

And mink? And mink.

Well, at least,
Superman didn't have to

save us this time.

Hey, that's right.

Here are the proofs
you wanted, Mr. Kent.

Oh, fine. Put 'em right
down here, will ya?

Mara. Mara Van Cleaver,

what are you doing here?
I'm your new copy girl.

That's wonderful. For once,
I'm doing something on my own.

It's a good
feeling. I'll bet it is.

But you're not exactly
penniless, you know.

You still have that 10,000
you gave Superman.

It's in the office safe. Oh, no.

That money was intended to go

to Superman's favorite
charity, and it still is.

I'm only glad to see the last
of the Van Cleaver money

doing some good.

There'll be a lot of
kids at summer camp

that'll feel the
same way about it.

Thanks, Mara. Thanks a lot.

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: Don't miss
the next thrill-packed episode

in the amazing
Adventures of Superman!

Superman is based
on the original character

appearing in Superman magazine.