04x13 - The Jolly Roger

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: The
Adventures of Superman!

Faster than a speeding b*llet.

More powerful than a locomotive.

Able to leap tall buildings
at a single bound.

MAN: Look! Up in the
sky! MAN 2: It's a bird!

WOMAN: It's a plane!
MAN 3: It's Superman!

NARRATOR: Yes, it's Superman,

strange visitor
from another planet

who came to Earth
with powers and abilities

far beyond those of mortal men.

Superman, who can change
the course of mighty rivers,

bend steel in his bare hands,

and who, disguised
as Clark Kent,

mild-mannered reporter for a
great metropolitan newspaper,

fights a never-ending battle

for truth, justice and
the American way.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

PERRY: Well, well,
the Bobbsey twins.

I trust I'm not
interrupting any plans.

Ah, that's all right, chief.

We've been waiting
for you an hour, Clark.

You're harder to keep
track of than Superman.

Uh, yes, Lois.
What is it, chief?

Oh, merely a stroke of genius.

An idea for a layout for
the Sunday supplement.

And I want you and Lois and
"Flashbulb" Olsen to cover it.

Right, chief. Come
on, g*ng, let's go.

Olsen.

Would it upset you
very much to find out

what you're supposed to
do before you start doing it?

Me?

Uh, yes, that might help.

Now...

there's a deserted island in
the Pacific called Island Able.

It's a Naval target area.

The fleet's going to shell it
with everything they have.

I want you on that
island taking pictures.

But, chief.

You mean you want
us to be on the island

while they're shelling it?

I just hope there's a
Monday supplement

telling how we gave our lives
for the Sunday supplement.

Don't tempt me.

What I want are
pictures of that island

before and after
the bombardment.

Oh, that's different, chief.

They would make
a wonderful layout.

But why don't you let me
handle this by myself. You see...

Oh, no, you don't, Clark.

I've always wanted to visit
one of those lush, tropical isles.

Swarming with lush,
tropical native princesses.

The island is
deserted, of course.

Now, I thought you could
take a plane to Hawaii.

And there, charter a seaplane
and go the rest of the trip.

You can fly one of
those, can't you, Kent?

Why, of course, sir,
that's no problem.

But I thought I could do
this much faster alone.

You can't make it any
faster alone than with us.

So quit trying to
hog the whole story.

All right, Lois.

Now, if you'll all sit down,
I'll give you the details.

And you'd better listen,

unless you want to
be part of the target.

Now, here. Starting here...

[♪♪♪]

Golly, isn't this dreamy?

Yes, it is.

Unfortunately, Lois,
we're here to work.

Or at least
"Flashbulb" Olsen is.

Well, I'm ready.
Where do I start?

Well, I suggest that
we start by looking

for some decent
places to take pictures.

A lot of territory to cover.

Mm-hm, and don't forget we
have to be outta here by 4:00.

Yeah, then come back
tomorrow to see what's left.

I'd forgotten all about the
Navy and things like that.

This seems like
something out of the past.

Well, unfortunately,
it's not. So shall we go?

[BELLOWS]

[♪♪♪]

Ods bodkins.

Ods bodkins?

Ha! Where are the rest of them?

Uh, the rest of whom?

I asked you first.

Ah, so you did. So you did.

Uh, this is all of them. I
mean, we're... This is us.

Oh, dear.

My great-great-grandfather
captured 100 people at a time.

Well, uh, I'd be very glad to
go back and get some more

if only you'll excuse...

Easy does it, laddie.

I say, captain, don't you think

these three blighters
are better than nothing?

I suppose so.

What to do except capture them?

Ah, yes. I have it.

We'll court-martial them.

What for?

Mutiny, you black-hearted idiot.

Or, uh, can you
suggest anything better?

Uh, excuse me, sir,
but just who are you?

I, sir, am Captain Blood.

This is Captain Thud,
Captain Scud, Captain Mud,

and Lieutenant Schultze.

How do you do,
Schultze. Schultze?

Uh... what I wanted
to say was, um,

what are you doing
in these costumes?

[SIGHS]

We lost our ship in a hurricane.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Three hundred years ago.

Why, you don't
look a day over 50.

I'm not.

My great-great-great-
great-grandfather lost the ship.

Careless of him, wasn't it?

Dreadful.

Clark, I don't know
who these people are,

but we've got to get them
off the island before 4.

Don't mention it
until we find out more.

I've heard of people seeing
spots before their eyes,

but pirates.

Excuse me, captain,

but shouldn't we get
on with the capturing?

Oh, dear, dear, dear me.
Yes, yes. Well, now, let me see.

How would you
like to be captured?

We have three different
methods to choose from.

If you don't mind, sir, I think
we'll just go along peacefully.

Peacefully? Yes.

Oh, no, no, that's not
one of the methods.

I tell you, we'll
tie their hands

just for the sake
of appearances.

[ALL LAUGHING]

There you are, old boy.

Well... Uh, no
lusty pirate songs?

Oh, uh, no. No, we
never learned any.

Oh.

Come with me. March.

[♪♪♪]

The old man is coming.
Get back to work.

Girls, come on!

I bet I sailed this stump around
the world four times already.

Hey, people, just like us.

Yeah. If they had a
way to get on the island,

maybe they got a way to get off.

And maybe take
us with them, huh?

No. All we want's
their transportation.

Set up the courts, old chaps,

before I throw
you to the sharks.

Is he kidding?

I'm Tyler. That's Riffles.

Welcome to paradise.

How do you do?

Are you pirates too?

Well, we're apprentice pirates.

How did you get here?

We were flying to China,
and our plane conked out.

And we had to ditch it.

We washed up
here three years ago.

Well, I hope I get a
chance to talk to you later.

I hope so too.

Come, come, we've
no time to waste.

Line up before
the bar... of justice.

Clark, they wouldn't really
do anything, would they?

I don't know, Lois.

They've been here so
long. Generations, probably.

They really believe
this nonsense.

What I don't like is
the looks of those two.

Now, is it true that
you were cast ashore

from one of his majesty's ships?

Uh, no, sir. We
came by seaplane.

Oh.

Make a note of that.

I already have.

Captain Thud, read the charges.

Mutiny, captain.

It's the only bloomin'
charge we have.

Mutiny.

Mutiny...

This calls for stringing
'em from the yardarm.

I order them strung
from the yardarm.

They're crazy enough to do it.

Oh, in the spirit of good,
clean fun, of course.

I say, captain, there
aren't any yardarms.

Oh, dear, what a pity.

Then they'll have to
settle by walking the plank.

Captain, our ancestors ran
out of planks 200 years ago.

Oh, bother.

I have it.

We'll lop their
blooming heads off.

Do you think
they'd really do it?

Tough way to lose your head.

With Superman 5000
miles away in Metropolis.

Clark, for once, I wish
you really were Superman.

Yes, I wish I were
Superman too without, um...

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, I wish I
could turn into Superman.

Well, wishing
isn't going to help.

Well, let's see if a little
20th century psychology will.

Now, just a minute.

You claim this to be
a pirate court-martial.

All right. How do we know
that you're really pirates?

Ods bodkins.

Are you asking us to prove
that we're really pirates?

Naturally.

But there's nothing
about it in the book.

Exactly, so perhaps you aren't.

For example, what
do you do here?

PIRATE: What do we do?

That's right, what do you do?

Why, we, uh...

We, uh... [STAMMERING]

Hunt treasure, naturally.

Come with me.

You dropped this, I believe.

Thanks.

Clark, they look real.

They are, Lois. Must
be worth a million dollars.

There. Now, are you satisfied?

Well, not exactly.

You see, genuine pirates
usually bury treasure.

Oh, dear. But if you insist.

Captain Thud, order
a treasure party.

Already organized, captain.

There's some very nice
treasure just 20 paces east

of Triangle Rock.

Excellent.

Where did all this treasure
come from in the first place?

Oh, it's always been here.

Naturally. After we dig
it all up, we bury it again

for the next generation.

Must lose a lot of treasure.

Hm, never looked
at it that way before.

This is fantastic.

There are easier
businesses than pirating.

But somebody's got to do it.

Shall we go?

Let's.

[♪♪♪]

All right, go on,
b*at it, all of you.

Ain't fair.

All the trouble we had tryi"
to rob them banks back home.

And here we got a
fortune right in our mitts,

and nothin' to spend it on.

You leave it to me.

Those newcomers aren't dumb,
so we've gotta play it careful.

But I guarantee,

the only ones that'll
leave this island alive

will be you and me with
a bag of those sparklers.

[♪♪♪]

But if you're just
gonna bury it again,

why do you dig it
up in the first place?

Well, that's a silly question.

What else could we do
with the bloomin' holes?

[PIRATES CHUCKLING]

Clark, we're
really in the middle.

The longer we stall them
off, the closer we come

to getting blown
to bits by the Navy.

I know, Lois.

If I could only get off by
myself for just a minute.

What good would
that do, Mr. Kent?

Forget it, Clark. There's
no way to contact Superman.

I'm afraid you're right, Lois.

I don't know what good
it would do if I could.

Well done, well done. There.

I must admit it's rather
odd-looking for a treasure.

Captain, it isn't a treasure.

It's a magnetic mine.

Probably left over
from the last w*r,

floated here on some high tide.

Oh, then it means
we're really pirates.

So we can lop your
bloomin' heads off after all.

Dig it up... Now,
wait, wait, please.

Just a minute, the detonators
on that mine may be rusty,

but all you have to do is
just touch 'em a certain way,

and we'll be blown to bits.

I say, you know,
that's hardly cricket.

You're making this up
just to save your lives.

[SIGHS]

I knew someday I might
have to resort to this.

Just a minute, let me think.

Clark, what are you gonna do?

Something rather
desperate, I'm afraid, Lois.

Oh, don't tell me there's
really some man in you after all.

I've got it. Leave the
treasure where it is.

You two stand guard.

We'll go and tend the
execution. Come with me.

[♪♪♪]

Mr. Tyler, can't
you do something?

Tut, tut, my dear,
you'll never feel a thing.

Neither will you, once the
Navy begins shelling this island.

What's that?

Captain, I don't quite
know how to tell you this,

but, uh, we're
running out of time.

What in thunder is it now?

I presume you
know what a navy is?

Naturally. His majesty's
navy has chased us pirates

halfway around the world.

Well, that's fascinating, but
the biggest navy in the world

is headed this way, and they're
gonna blow this island apart.

I suggest that you abandon ship.

Run?

From the Navy?

By the Jolly Roger, never.

But captain, you
don't understand...

We'll give 'em a fight
before we're through.

Right, Thud? Right, Mud?

Right, captain. Yes, captain.

Captain, you can't fight
the United States Navy.

We'll fight any old navy.
Bring up the a*tillery!

We'll blow them off the map.

Blow them off the map with that?

[WHISPERING] This
is too good to be true.

Why, it's made to order.

We load up with those
jewels and snatch that plane

and off we go.

And leave the rest to
the United States Navy.

Well, I don't know if
that's such a good idea.

You leave it to me.

Captain, uh, I'd like to
give you a little advice.

I wouldn't believe any of
that stuff they're telling you,

I think they're trying to
trick you into surrendering.

Surrender?

Ha-ha-ha, Not at all. Never.

Ha-ha, that a boy, captain.

Because Riffles
and I are with ya.

Just one thing though, in case.

Tie these people up securely
and then send your men out

looking for better
fortifications.

Excellent idea.

Remind me to promote
you to something or other.

You can promote me
to millionaire, captain.

[♪♪♪]

But, captain, it would
have been much more fun

if we'd lopped off their heads.

Later, captain, later.

Right now, we have to
find Scud and Schultze

and then locate
the fortifications.

Here, they come now, captain.

Riffles, that's a mine.

A mine? Let me outta here.

We brought it with us, captain.

Too late for it now.

Captain, uh, let
me take over here.

You've got a lot work to do.

Splendid idea. Take the deck.

Follow me, lads.

We'll bring a surprise
to the royal navy,

or my name isn't...

Captain... Blood!

Maybe the thing's wore out.

I hope.

It's rusty, but I'll fix it.

Go load up some
of that ice. Quick!

Okay.

Man, we ain't gonna
be on easy street,

we're gonna be able to buy it.

Hey, what are you doin' there?

That one with the glasses
is a pretty smooth talker.

He's liable to talk
Blood out of stayin'.

That is, if he's alive
when Blood gets back.

Hey, you may be right.

Clark, I worked my gag loose.

Can you hear me?

Mm-hm-hm.

Clark, can you hear me?

Mm-hm-hm.

Oh, well, it won't do any good.

Only Superman
could get us out of this.

Looks like we reached
the end of our rope, huh?

Very funny.

Well, thanks a lot for
the use of the aeroplane.

What...?

Come on, let's get that
seaplane and lam outta here.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

We'll never see that island
looking the same again.

Well, maybe someday we won't
even have to practice for w*r.

I hope so, sir.

[WIND WHOOSHING]

I'm sorry, admiral, I hope
I didn't startle you, sir.

Superman, what
are you doing here?

It is highly
irregular, you know.

I know it is, but I came to
beg you not to shell that island.

But Superman, I have my orders.

Any changes would have
to come from Washington.

We scouted that
island carefully,

and we know it's deserted.

I'm afraid it's not, sir.

They hid from
your scouting party.

Who? Captain
Blood and his pirates.

Well, that's fine,
Superman. Pirates, huh?

Yes, sir.

Well, you just run along.

I know it sounds incredible,
but you must believe me.

Yeah, well, of... Of course.

Uh, thanks very
much for tipping us off.

I can't blame you, I didn't
believe it myself at first.

I must get you some proof.
How much time do I have?

Even you would have to hurry.

[♪♪♪]

What a shame.

I understand he was
a fine fellow before.

Yes, sir.

Well, I guess the strain
was just too much for him.

Flag the other
ships to stand by.

Yes. sir.

Who's there?

Clark, how did...?
How did you get untied?

I bet I know.

I thought I heard
something a little while ago,

like Superman flying.

Hey, I bet he's on the island.
That's who let you loose.

That's right, Lois,
you've guessed it.

But where is he now?

It's about time for
the shelling to begin.

Hm... even Superman
couldn't get us off here in time.

Well, that's right. He's gotta
do something about it right now.

I've gotta find the
captain. Excuse me.

Mr. Kent... Oh, let him go.

It's a waste of time, anyway.

I guess we've
about had it this time.

[♪♪♪]

All units report
ready for action, sir.

Good.

[WIND WHOOSHING]

Where's Clark Kent?
Deserted us, as usual.

I see. In that case, I'll
have to depend on you.

I've got to prove there are
pirates on this island somehow.

All you have to
do is take a look.

Jimmy, get your camera.

What good would that do?

Never mind, just get it.

Good.

Charge the rascal!

Bods odkins.

I mean, ods bodkins.

Blimey, captain, it looks like
we've been boarded successfully.

Thank heaven.

We don't have to
be pirates any longer.

If we don't get off
this island soon,

none of us will be
anything anymore.

I got it, Superman.

Thank you, Jimmy.

But he's developing
it with his x-ray vision.

It's only a negative.

Maybe it'll convince
the admiral.

Now, if I only have time to...

[SHELLS APPROACHING]

It's too late now.

We'll see about that.

[♪♪♪]

[EXPLOSIONS]

You never look at me like that.

But you're not Superman.

[♪♪♪]

It's incredible.

The shells are
bursting in midair.

Somebody must have
goofed up the mechanism.

Uh, something must
have gone wrong, sir.

Signal "cease-fire."

Return to port
for investigation.

Yes, sir.

[♪♪♪]

He exploded every one
of those shells in midair.

I don't know what
we'd do without him.

Hey, Clark, you missed it again.

Missed what?

Hey, where did Superman go?

You know he never hangs
around once his job is done, Jimmy.

Oh, I was fortunate enough
to capture these two characters

and stop them from
stealing our seaplane.

They did drop the loot, however,
in about 20 fathoms of water

to be exact.

Well, what do we do now
with, uh, all these pirates?

We better leave that
up to the United Nations

or our State Department.

With all the gold and jewels,

they're going to
be wealthy people.

Well, haven't you heard? What?

When they suspected that
these two were trying to rob them,

they sunk all the
treasure in quicksand

on the other side of the island.

Just millions of
dollars, gone forever.

Hm, of course, Superman
could recover it for them,

but maybe it's just
as well this way.

Wonderful. Wonderful.

Great story, beautiful pictures.

You've all outdone yourselves.

Well, thank you, chief,
but really, it was nothing.

You can say that again.

Great story, beautiful pictures.

And do you think for a
minute any of our readers

are going to believe
this balderdash?

But, chief, it's... It's true.

You believe it, don't you?

Yeah, sure, sure.

I believe it, but
I'm not very bright.

You know, that's the first
time I ever heard him admit it.

Out, out. Get out!

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: Don't miss
the next thrill-packed episode

in the amazing
Adventures of Superman!

Superman is based
on the original character

appearing in Superman magazine.