03x19 - You Bet Your Won Ton

[bunniefuu]

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Hey, how about that
Debus? He made it, Gomer.

How about that?
Golly, that's good news.

I'm really glad for him.

What's up, men? Hey, Lester.

It's Debus. Guess what?

He made OCS.

Oh, is that a fact?

It's right here in
black and white.

"PFC Joseph Debus
is hereby transferred

to Officer's Candidate
School, Quantico, Virginia."

Well, isn't that something?

Hey, there he is.

Debus! Hey, Debus!

(excited chattering)

Hey, you made it, pal!

Made what? What
are you talking about?

OCS is what.

You mean I've been accepted?

No kidding? It's official.

And as a future officer,

let me be the first one
to throw you a salute.

Hey, thanks, Gomer.

(laughing) Hey!

Great buddy! Great!

Hey, look, I'll see
you later, guys.

I want to call home and
tell my folks the good news.

Yahoo!

Bless his heart.

I think we ought to
buy him something.

You know, a farewell
present or something.

Yes, a gift.

That would be
very much in order.

Hey, what about
an electric shaver?

Are you kidding? He
doesn't even shave yet.

Well, then what? I got it.

Why don't we throw him
a farewell dinner party?

A dinner party?

Well, sure, you can
always buy him a gift.

But a dinner party
with all his friends,

why, I think Debus
would cherish that

for the rest of his life.

The pleasure of his buddies'
company for an evening.

Hey, that's not a bad idea,
take him out for a party.

You got something, Gomer.

And we invite Sergeant
Carter as guest of honor.

You just lost it.

Oh, come on, Gomer, what
do you want the sarge along for?

He'll just put a
damper on everything.

Well, how in the world could
you have a celebration like that

and not invite Sergeant Carter?

What do you say, Lester?

Well...

his presence would tend
to formalize the evening.

On the other hand,

omitting him from the
guest list might be construed

as a breach of
m*llitary etiquette.

Say what?

I say invite the sergeant.

Good.

Well, just don't have
him sit next to me.

Have you ever watched him eat?

I got it. I'll head into town

and scout around for the
right kind of restaurant.

Oh, uh, Gomer. Now keep it down.

I mean, keep it on the
inexpensive side, okay?

Uh-huh, and I got an
idea just where to go.

Oh, and by the way,

I think we ought
to put up the money

for the sergeant's dinner
so he don't have to pay.

Uh, keep it way down.

Pardon me, sir.

Could I ask you a question?

Yes, what can I do for you?

Well, some friends and myself

are giving a buddy of
ours a farewell dinner.

And I'm new around here
and I was just wondering

if you could suggest a real
good Chinese restaurant.

Well, I don't know.

Chinese food
doesn't agree with me.

But if you're looking for
a good delicatessen...

No, it's got to be
a restaurant, really.

Hey, how about
that place over there?

Wong's Far East Pagoda.

With all those people going
in there, it must be real good.

Well, I guess so.

Good luck. Thank you.

Hello?

Yes?

Can I help you with something?

Yes, ma'am.

I think I'll have
a bite of lunch.

Lunch? That's right.

And say, what happened
to all those people

I saw coming in here?

Is there another room
upstairs or somewhere?

Uh, oh. Well, uh...
they eat fast and go.

Oh, well, I've
got plenty of time

and this seems like
such a nice place to eat.

I think I'll have a bowl
of that chow mein.

Chow mein?

You know, those
Chinese vegetables

all chopped up with
little thin slices of chicken

and over the top you
sprinkle some noodles.

Yes, yes, I know chow mein.

But I don't think you'd like it.

Not like it?

Why would you
say a thing like that?

I love it.

I used to eat it every Friday

back home at
Pete's Wienerburger.

Not everyone like my chow mein.

You know something?

I've got an aunt back
in Mayberry just like you.

She cooks up these
wonderful meals

and right before
she serves them,

she starts apologizing for them.

Everybody says she's
the best cook in town,

but she just don't have
any confidence in herself.

But you Marine.

You used to different
style of cooking.

My chow mein, I don't know.

There you go apologizing again.

You just bring me the chow
mein and put it here on the table

and I'll bet you anything
in the world, I'll really like it.

(crowd murmuring)

Okay, what'll you do,

stand pat or take a hit?

Ah, a picture.

That finish you, huh?

How about you, big boy?

What do you say?

Give me a card. A card.

I'm good.

Dealer has 14. Take a hit.

What do you know, five.

Anybody b*at 19?

Okay, house wins.

Better luck next time.

Wong, we have a customer.

So? Send him back.

Plenty of room
at the poker table.

No poker. He's here for lunch.

Lunch?

He want lunch? You kidding?

Hey, you guys, some
clown came here to eat lunch.

(laughing)

Honey, this is no
time for lunches.

Tell him get lost.

But he's a Marine.

He's here to eat.

If we gonna keep
a restaurant front,

we'd better serve him.

You wife, worry all the
time. Worry, worry, worry.

Chester.

Chester. You call me, boss?

What do we got to eat?

Oh, somebody hungry?

We got sandwiches.

Tuna fish, bacon tomato,

cream cheese with
bagel, peanut butter...

No, no, no, no.

Customer out front.

Wants Chinese food.

Chinese food?

Here?

We don't have ready.

Hey, maybe we
send out for Chinese.

Never mind. I take care of him.

You deal.

Wong. What?

Is that the way you
wait on customer?

Huh? Oh, almost forgot.

Good afternoon.

What do you want?

Hey there.

I want a bowl of chow mein,

a pot of tea and
a fortune cookie.

Chow mein? Uh-huh.

You know, those vegetables
with little slices of chicken...

Yes, yes. I know chow mein.

Listen, Marine, you
want good advice?

Go across street,
eat at Lum Que's.

Lum Que's?

They got real good chow
mein, much better than here.

Shame on you for telling
me to eat over there.

What if the proprietor
heard you say that?

I'm proprietor.

You? You're Mr. Wong?

Well, why in the
world would you tell me

to go to the restaurant
across the street?

You like it better.

How do you know?

Do you want eat? Good food?

Hot? Tasty? Well, yes.

Go across street.

Are you Mr. And Mrs. Wong?

Yes. Why?

Well, excuse me
for asking you this,

but how long you folks been
in the restaurant business?

Uh... not long. Why?

That's just what I thought.

You folks just don't
have any confidence.

All you need is one satisfied
customer and you'll see.

So you bring me my chow mein

and we'll talk after that.

But... I won't say
another word till I've eaten.

Wong, what are we going to do?

I'd like to throw him out.

(speaking Chinese)

That dumbbell!

Maybe I tell him the
stove broke down.

No, Wong, we better feed him.

He might get suspicious.

Yeah. Yeah, a nut like
that could cause trouble.

Okay, okay, we serve him.

I think he almost finished.

Good, let's give him the check.

Get him out of here.

Big pain.

All finished?

Yes, I am, Mr. Wong.

And I've got just one
thing to say to you.

Shame, shame, shame.

Huh? Imagine, telling me

I wouldn't like your chow mein.

Why, it was delicious.

And you mean
all of this was just

a dollar and fifteen cents?

Including that big bowl of rice

and the fortune cookie?

Yes, that includes everything.

You really like it?

I knew I would.

And I may have a
big surprise for you.

That's all I'll say now. Bye.

Wong, what do you think he mean?

Who knows? We got rid of him.

Let's get back to work.

Hey, Burt, that Marine
that just came out of there,

what do you think?

Let's find out.

The more evidence we get,
the sooner we can close in.

Hey, Marine!

You!

Come here a second, will you?

Something I can do for you?

Yeah, you look like a guy
who knows his way around.

Where can a guy go get a
little action around here? Huh?

You just came out of Wong's
Far East Pagoda, didn't you?

Yes, I did.

Well, how about giving
us the lowdown on Wong's?

Yeah, fill us in, Private.

Tell us a little something
about the place.

Well, I shouldn't
really tell you this.

Yeah?

The egg drop soup
was a little bit cold

and I think the noodles
could have been a mite crisper.

But I don't want the
Wongs to know that

that came from me.

They're working so
hard to make a go of it.

They need all the
customers they can get.

Listen, buddy, we're
not interested in noodles

or egg drop soup,

what we want to know
about is chuck-a-luck

or pan or bingo or
acey-ducey, you know.

Gosh, I don't know.

They all must've
been a la carte,

'cause I didn't see
them on the dinner.

Is that all you can tell
us about the place, huh?

No, there's one more thing.

They're two of the nicest
people in the whole world,

but I don't think they know
much about running a restaurant.

They don't, huh?

But I hope that won't stop you

from going in there,
'cause they need

all the support and confidence
that we can give them.

Hope you enjoy your meal.

Well, what do you think?

Well, there are all
kinds of front men,

but that is the smoothest
operator I've ever seen.

(phone ringing)

Hello? Wong's Pagoda.

Hello. Is this Mr. Wong?

No, this is Chester. Who's this?

Tell Mr. Wong, Gomer Pyle.

Gomer Pyle. Gomer Pyle.

Oh, make bet!

Hey, anybody here know
horse name Gomer Pyle?

Gomer Pyle?

What track?

Santa Anita?

Pimlico? Where he running?

Probably some mixed up bookie.

Give me the phone.
Hello. This is Wong.

Hey, Mr. Wong.

This is Gomer Pyle.
You remember me?

I'm the Marine that had
lunch in there, remember?

Oh, yes, I remember.

What you want?

Well, you remember that
surprise I told you about?

Well, this is it.

You see, some of
my buddies and I

are throwing a farewell
banquet, and we agreed

that your restaurant is
just the place to have it.

No, no, no! No banquets here.

Cannot have banquets.

Now there you go
again, Mr. Wong.

I don't want to
have to scold you,

all you need is a little faith
and confidence in yourself

and the party will
turn out just fine.

No, no... party be big flop.

Call Lum Que's.

He make good party.

Don't come here. I
refuse to serve you.

Well, in that case, we'll
just march up and down

in front of your restaurant
until you let us in.

The whole bunch of us.

What do you think of that?

No! D-don't do that, listen...

Now, I won't take
"no" for an answer.

We'd like to reserve our table
for tomorrow night around 7:00.

They'll be 14 of us,

so whatever you
cook up will be just fine.

We'll see you.

Uh, wait. Hello? Hello?

Hello? Operator?

(speaking Chinese)

What's the matter, Wong?

What are you shouting
about? It's that stupid Marine.

He said he's coming down
here tomorrow night for a party!

Our biggest night
here in the back.

He said if we don't let him in,

he's gonna march
outside until we do.

That's bad, Wong.

It will call attention
to place, look funny.

Yes. Maybe we better just close.

Close? What do you mean, close?

Well, tomorrow night,
close the Pagoda.

No parties, no nothing.

If we close, that even worse.

Someone really get
suspicious, might even tell police!

Police?!

MAN: Police?!

Uh, no, no, no, fellas!

Uh, uh, no police here.

Just making joke with the wife.

(chuckles)

See? See what can happen?

Oh, boy, oh, boy, we
are really in trouble,

thanks to that Marine.

Well, we're just gonna have
to go through with it, Wong.

Maybe it'll do us
good. Do us good?

Yes. It'll be nice for a change,

having people
come here for dinner.

Make us feel like we're
back in restaurant business.

Two years ago, we were
in restaurant business,

and we lost our shirts... we were
lucky to come out with pair of chopsticks!

Well, at least it was honest,

and the place wasn't
full of gamblers.

Lotus, if it wasn't
for the gamblers,

I would be living with my
in-laws in San Francisco.

Well, you just keep it up, Wong,

and you'll end up living
with inmates in San Quentin!

PYLE: Sergeant Carter?

What do you want, Pyle?

Well, I didn't want
to ask you this

until all the details
was worked out.

What are you
talking about, Pyle?

Well, the fellas are
having a farewell dinner

for Private Debus
tomorrow night,

and we thought you
might like to come.

I sure hope you're not busy.

Yeah. Uh, well, I'm busy.

Well, the fellas went
to an awful lot of trouble

to see that everything
was just right.

I found this real nice
little Chinese restaurant.

You? Mm-hmm.

I'm sort of in charge
of all the arrangements.

Uh, well, I'm very
busy tomorrow night.

Oh, gee, Sergeant...
Besides, it's not good

for a sergeant to
fraternize with his men.

Oh, well, it's nothing
like that, Sergeant.

You see, we wanted you there
so you could make a little speech.

Speech?

Seems only natural to me

that at Debus's farewell dinner,

you'd be the one
to say a few words.

So you see, Sergeant, in a way,

you're kind of the
guest of honor.

Our featured speaker.

Oh!

A farewell dinner.

Well, that puts a
different light on it.

I didn't know it was
a farewell dinner.

Would you, Sergeant?

Would you come
and say a few words?

Well...

Please, Sergeant,
you're the only one

that can make a speech.

Well... 'Course,
there are people

that don't like to
get up and speak,

so if you would just like to
come and not say anything...

I'll speak, I'll speak.

Oh, well, that's
wonderful, Sergeant.

We'll all be leaving
together tomorrow night

at a quarter of 7:00.

Thank you, Sergeant.

Fellow Marines, leathernecks,
comrades in arms,

as your platoon sergeant...

Buddies and troopers,
as your friendly sergeant...

Fellow Marines,
barrack buddies...

As soon as we finish with
these vegetables, Chester,

we'd better get started
on the wonton soup.

Boy, this dinner turning
out to be big deal.

Never knew Chinese eat so good.

Here's the spare ribs.

No, no, no, not here.

Hardly enough room as it is.

Hey, Wong, what's going on?

What's the big idea?

Sorry, fellas, need table.

Cooking big dinner.

We're right in the
middle of a hand.

Look, it's just for tonight.

You find another table.

(men groaning)

Hey, Bernie, what's
the action here?

So far, nothing.

Maybe you can change the luck.

Excuse, please,
cooks need table.

Wait a minute, Chester.

No can wait, got
to make egg rolls.

Sorry, need table to press duck.

I don't know about
you guys, but I've had it.

That goes double for
me. Let's get out of here!

Wait a minute, fellas,
don't go away mad.

Come back.

Business as usual tomorrow.

Please come back.

You my best customers!

Come back.

(speaking Chinese)

Well, this is it, fellers.

What do you think?

Well, you were right, Gomer,
it's a Chinese restaurant.

Well, if you think this is nice,

just wait till you
see the inside.

Come on, let's
go in. Let's go in.

(all talking)

Sergeant Carter,
aren't you coming?

Uh, no, you go on in, Pyle.

I want to get
something out of the car.

Right.

Fellow Marines and buddies,

as your platoon
sergeant and friend,

when I was asked to
speak here tonight...

(speaking Chinese)

(muttering)

They're getting quite a
crowd tonight, huh, Murph?

Yeah, plenty of action.

I think we'd better
check with headquarters.

(all talking indistinctly)

Gomer, this food
is good, really good.

A fine choice, Pyle.

You picked a winner.

Thank you.

How about you, Sergeant Carter?

You enjoying your meal?

Huh? What?

How do you like the food?

Oh, it's fine,
i-it's just great.

(chuckles nervously)

(mumbling): Fellow
Marines and buddies,

as your platoon
sergeant and friend...

Fellas, I've got to tell
you that this has been

one of the best times
I've ever had in my life,

and... well, I don't
know how to thank you.

I...

Well, I think we all owe a
vote of thanks to Pyle here.

He's the one that
found this place.

Oh, no, Lester.

If there's any credit, it
should go to the Wongs.

After all, they
cooked the dinner

and they put up the decorations.

They're the ones
responsible for all this.

Well, if that's the case,

let's hear it for the
Wongs, everybody.

Hip, hip... ALL: Hooray!

Hip, hip... ALL: Hooray!

Hip, hip... Hooray!

(all cheering)

See there? See there?

I knew you could do it.

Makes me so happy.

Come, Wong, we
have work in kitchen.

CARTER: Fellow
Marines and buddies,

as your platoon
sergeant and friend,

when I was asked
to speak here tonight,

I accepted the invitation
with great humility.

Fellow Marines... Sergeant?

What, Pyle?

We're about ready to begin.

I was just freshening up, Pyle.

(mumbling): Fellow
Marines and buddies...

Hey, fellers,

could I have your
attention for just a minute?

I'm sure you all know that
the reason we're here tonight

is to honor our good and
dear friend Private Joe Debus.

(all cheering)

Now, there's an
awful lot of nice things

we could all say about him,

but there's
somebody here tonight

who can say it
better than anybody,

and I think if we ask him,

he might get up
and say a few words.

How about it, Sergeant Carter?

The reason that I
asked Sergeant Carter

is because he knows
him better than anybody.

After all, he's worked with
him, he's instructed him.

And who's in a better position
to tell us about Joe Debus

than Sergeant Carter?

Who is the one, after all,

who could make a speech
about any of us here.

Sit down, Pyle.

So without any
further talk, here he is:

Joe Debus' sergeant,

my sergeant, your sergeant,

Sergeant Carter.

Thank you, fellas, thank you.

Thank you very
much, fellas, thank you.

Thank you, Pyle.

Thank you, Pyle.

(clears throat)

All right!

Don't anybody move!

Stay right where you are!

The place is surrounded.

CARTER: What are you talking
about? What's going on here?

This is a front for
a gambling joint.

That's what it is, Sergeant.

Huh?

That's right. You
mean you haven't been

to the gambling
tables in the back yet?

Or is that for dessert?

Gambling tables?

Oh, Officer, there
must be some mistake.

I know the Wongs personally

and there's no gambling here.

Of course it's not here.

It's never out front.

It's in the back
where it always is.

I should have known,
Pyle, I should have known.

You would pick out a place

that's a front for
a gambling joint.

No, Sergeant, it just can't be.

Come on, boys.

Okay, this is a raid!

(speaking Chinese)

What?

Why?

Is something wrong, officer?

Looking for somebody?

Nothing here but cooking.

Hey, this place
really is a kitchen.

Well, of course it's a kitchen.

Shame, shame, shame.

Accusing these nice
people of gambling.

Whatever gave you such an idea?

Well, uh, something must
have gone wrong somewhere.

We'll have to check this
out with headquarters.

What do you suppose happened?

I don't know.

Let's go.

Sorry to have
bothered you folks.

Just go right on
with your dinner.

Thank you, Officer.

(speaking Chinese rapidly)

I'll be right out, Sergeant.

Now, listen, don't you all let
this little mistake upset you.

You two got your confidence
going real good now

and things are even
gonna get better.

Why, when the fellers out there
start spreading the word around,

you're gonna be
packed every night.

You mean this many
customers all the time?

Why, sure.

With the wonderful
food you serve,

it wouldn't surprise me

if those police didn't start
coming in here regular.

Police?

(chuckling): Oh...

Hey, you think Chinese
truck drivers start coming, too?

That really make it good.

Truck drivers,
Marines, everybody.

That settles it.

There's no business
like restaurant business.

Thanks to Gomer Pyle.

CARTER: And the part that I
played in his being selected for OCS

is hardly worth mentioning.

I mean, what did I do?

True, I led him
through boot camp.

I probably had a hand
in molding his character,

building him into
the man he is today,

but surely I can't
take any credit for that.

It's my job and a job well
done is reward enough.

What was Private Debus

when he first came to me?

He was nothing
but a big blob of clay

and I took that blob
of clay and I molded it,

I shaped it, I formed it.

But can I take
any credit for that?

A little, yes.

What was Private Debus
when he joined my platoon?

A raw recruit.

But I saw his potential,

I took him under
my wing, I gave him

the benefit of my many
years of m*llitary experience,

and so tonight
we're sitting here

enjoying the fruits
of those efforts.

How well I remember...

So what did I do?

I'll tell you...