05x09 - The Phony Alibi

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: The
Adventures of Superman!

Faster than a speeding b*llet.

More powerful than a locomotive.

Able to leap tall buildings
at a single bound.

MAN 1: Look! Up in the
sky! MAN 2: It's a bird!

WOMAN: It's a plane!
MAN 3: It's Superman!

NARRATOR: Yes, it's Superman,

strange visitor
from another planet,

who came to Earth
with powers and abilities

far beyond those of mortal men.

Superman, who can change
the course of mighty rivers,

bend steel in his bare hands,

and who, disguised
as Clark Kent,

mild-mannered reporter for a
great metropolitan newspaper,

fights a never-ending battle

for truth, justice and
the American way.

[♪♪♪]

[RINGS]

Clark Kent speaking.

This is Bill Henderson, Clark.

I've got a story for
you, unfortunately.

Ed Crowley's g*ng's at it again.

Mm.

You mean, another robbery?

Yeah.

The Wentworth
Jewelry store this time.

Schultzy Garfield
pulled the job.

He's headed out Highway 201.

I've got squad cars after him,

but I don't know
if they'll make it.

He's doing better than 120.

Well, thanks for the
tip, Bill, I'll keep in touch.

[TIRES SQUEAL]

[♪♪♪]

[TIRES SQUEAL]

[♪♪♪]

[WIND WHOOSHING]

[BRAKES SCREECH]

Well, Professor Pepperwinkle.

Huh?

That's you. Ooh. So it is.

Won't you come in?
Oh, I'm fine, just fine.

Thank you, Miss Lane.

That's good.

If you're looking for
Mr. Kent, so am I.

Mm.

What are you doing, professor?

I thought he might be
hiding under his desk.

It's a very good place.

I guess that's one place
he hasn't thought of yet.

Now, Miss Lane,
what can I do for you?

Now, wait a minute, professor.

You came to see me. I did?

Or rather, you came
to see Mr. Kent.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Of course I did.

And a very good idea it was too,

because how else could I tell
him about my new invention?

Oh, not another invention.

Yes.

[CHUCKLES]

Miss Lane, did you ever hear
of sending flowers by wire?

Why, of course.
People do it all the time.

No, no, no. Not
really, they don't.

Now just last week I sent...

Yeah, but what did you
send? Flowers or a telegram?

A telegram, of course.
Ah, just as I thought.

You didn't really
send flowers at all.

No one can do that.

This morning, I phoned a
begonia to my sister in Philadelphia.

And it arrived in
perfect condition.

Not a telegram, mind
you, but the actual flower.

Now, professor, why
don't you go home

and take a nice little rest.

No, no. I always nap from 3
to 5, and it's not even 2 yet.

Besides, I haven't
finished telling you

about my
De-atmosphering Chamber.

Your what? My
De-atmosphering Chamber.

Ha-ha! That's how I
can send flowers by wire.

I can send people too.

Oh, now, this is just
a little far-fetched,

even for your imagination.

No, it's very simple.

You see, you're not much
of anything except air.

Oh, thank you.

If I took all the air
out of your body,

you'd be nothing but atoms.

And you'd be small
enough to set up house

on the head of a pin.

Girl could save a
lot of rent that way.

And train fare.

Once I started
your atoms vibrating

I could phone you any
place you wanted to go,

and you'd be there right away.

Now, professor...

You don't believe me, do you?

I'm afraid not.

But Miss Lane, I can prove
it to you. Honestly, I can.

Come to my workshop.

I just can't, professor. I
have so much work to do.

But you'd be the first one.
You... You'd make history.

Thank you, but no thanks.

Now, why don't
you run along home

and continue your work
on that pickproof lock.

Oh, I've already perfected
that. Haven't you heard?

Why, no. Congratulations.

When do you put
it on the market?

Just as soon as I can
invent a key to unlock it.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

One thousand nine
hundred eighty-one.

One thousand nine
hundred eighty-two.

One thousand nine
hundred eighty-three...

Benny. Yeah, boss?

I'm setting a world's record
in the fine art of the yo-yo

and you ain't paying attention.

Now, add 10.

Why don't you get
yourself a pogo stick?

The noise would keep me awake.

Why don't you shut
up. Now, add 10 more.

Okay, boss.

Two thousand
three, 2004, 2005...

You hear the news, boss?

Not lately.

They got Schultzy. Who did?

Superman. Who else?

You just said a
bad word, Clippy.

Yeah. Go wash your
mouth out with soap.

"Superman." You're losing count.

Two thousand ten...

Maybe you didn't hear me right.

They got Schultzy. I heard you.

Man, what nerves.

What nerves?

That's what I mean,
boss. You ain't got none.

They get Schultzy and you
sit here calm as a cucumber,

playing with that yo-yo.

Will you shut up. I'm
setting a new record.

Okay, boss.

Go ahead and set your record.

But I'm getting
out of this racket.

Now hold it.

Here, take over.

Not so fast.

It can't be fast enough.

I'm getting out.

I don't think so.

I know so.

You got a job to pull tomorrow.

It's on the schedule,
and you're gonna do it.

You can handle it, boss.

It's no good, all these holdups.

Somebody can always identify us.

We could wear masks.

Two thousand twenty-one...

Yeah, yeah, sure.

We could also wear signs saying:

"Look, Ma, I'm
pulling a stickup."

I'm handing it to
you straight, boss.

Until we figure a way to
get alibis, I'm holding off.

You're right, Clippy.

It's been a pretty
sloppy operation.

We should think
about getting alibis.

I got no ideas. So I
might as well go on home.

BENNY: You call that "home"?

That crummy Pepperwinkle
Boarding House?

It's clean, the food's good,

and the professor
don't bother me none.

I'll be seeing you.

I'll give that alibi
idea some thought.

Hi, Lois. Well, hi, Rover Boy.

Where have you been?
Oh, out working, as usual.

What are you writing?
Oh, nothing, nothing at all.

For someone who's
doing nothing at all,

you're making an awful
lot of racket about it.

Well, if you must know,
and I suppose you must,

I'm writing the story
of Superman's capture

of Schultzy Garfield.

As usual, you missed it. I see.

Well, you can only be in one
place at a time, you know, Lois.

[MUTTERING]

Poor little
De-atmosphering Chamber.

No one believes in you but me.

[KNOCKING]

Yes?

Greetings, Professor
Pepperwinkle.

What's for dinner?

I may never cook another
dinner as long as I live.

What's the matter?

Oh, I can't seem
to get anyone to...

Clippy.

Clippy, do you have some friend

you haven't seen
for a long time?

Yeah, there's old Moe Bilky.

Where's old Moe now?

Kansas City. Kansas City.

[GIBBERS]

And how long since
you've seen him?

Too long.

If you want to
see him right now,

I think I can arrange it.

Yeah? How? [LAUGHS]

Well, I'll show you.

[LAUGHS]

I'll show you. Right this way.

Now, would you
care to step inside?

What for?

Before I can telephone
you to Kansas City,

I have to take all the air out
from in between your atoms

and start you vibrating.

Maybe some other time.

Please, Mr. Jones,
it doesn't hurt.

And you'll have such a nice
visit with your friend. Please.

Okay. Anything for
a gag. Ha-ha. Yeah.

What's his telephone number?

Atwood 4857. Atwood
4857, thank you.

And have a nice trip.

Atwood. Atwood 4857.

Atwood, Atwood...

[RAPID BEEPING]

Long distance?

Get me Kansas City, please.

Atwood 4857.

Yes, that's right. A
person-to-person call.

Mr. Moe Bilky.

Yeah, that's
right. That's right.

[WHIRRING]

[PHONE RINGING]

[RECEIVER SHAKING]

I'm coming, I'm coming.

I...

Clippy.

Yeah, Moe, it's me.

At least, it feels like me.

How'd you get here?

By telephone.

Telephone?

Now, that's not a
normal way to travel.

Maybe not, but you
can't b*at the price.

How are you, Moe?

Little weak in the knees.

I better sit down.

[CHUCKLES]

Here's your coffee,
boss. Thanks.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

See who that is. Yeah, boss.

Ask me where I've been.

Boss, go ahead, ask me.

Okay, okay, Mr. Bones,
where you been?

Kansas City.

What are you talking about?

You ain't had time to get
to Kansas City and back.

Not even if you
went by jet both ways.

I flew back, but
I went by phone.

Brain, get him a cup of coffee.
He sounds like he needs it.

Yeah, boss.

I know it sounds crazy,
boss, but it happened.

Sorry, Clippy,
but I ain't buying it.

If you don't believe
me, ask Moe.

I went to visit him.

But Moe's in Kansas City.

I know it.

I'm trying to tell
you I just been there.

With the help of a little gadget

invented by Professor
Pepperwinkle.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

For phoning people
to Kansas City.

Or any place they wanna go.

It's the greatest.

You know, if you're not nuts,

I just got an idea how we
might save this whole operation.

Yeah, boss? Yeah.

Listen, you take the Brain and
I down to meet this professor

so we can fix it up
so we'll live with him...

[KNOCKING]

Come in.

Hi, professor.

Oh, Mr. Jones,
how was your trip?

Great. I can't thank you enough.

Because of you, I got
reunited with my brothers.

Shake hands with
big brother Ed...

I'm very glad to know you.

And my little
brother, the Brain.

I'm very happy to know you both.

The best brothers
a guy ever had.

I hadn't seen 'em for years.

One of those silly
misunderstandings, you know.

Then when I run across
them in Kansas City,

boy, was I ever glad to see 'em.

We decided we ought
to all come back together.

Yeah, like to be one
happy family again.

And we owe it all
to you, professor.

Oh, you're more than
welcome, I'm sure.

Well, there's only
one problem now,

and that is, where
are we gonna live?

I think you can find
something comfortable.

You don't understand, professor.

After all this time, naturally
we wanna be together.

I was wondering about that
extra room you got next to mine.

Well, uh, I really hadn't
planned on renting it out.

I like things nice and quiet,
you know, the way they are now.

For my inventing, you know.

Oh, we're quiet as a
couple of mice, professor.

My little brother,
the Brain, here,

you know what he
does for a hobby?

What?

All day long he
chases butterflies.

And how much noise can
you make with a butterfly net?

And big brother Ed, why,

all he cares about is
flower arrangements.

Right, Ed? Right, Clippy.

Here's a month's
rent in advance.

You'll be doing the Jones
family a big favor if you take it.

Yeah. Mom would have
wanted us all to stay together.

Well, all right, gentlemen.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'll just go and
see about linens.

So far, so good.

If I'm gonna pull that job
at the Fifth Street Bank,

I'd better get going.

I'll meet you back here at 3.

That's when he takes his nap.

[♪♪♪]

Clippy.

We did it, boss. Nice work.

Now get me out of here.

When I get set,
throw the switch,

push the buttons,
call the operator,

and phone me to San Francisco.

When it stops buzzing,
I'll be on my way.

Here you are, boss.

Here's the number of that
phone booth in Frisco you wanted.

Good work, Brain.

[RAPID BEEPING]

Operator, get me San Francisco.

I want Walnut 58473.

Station-to-station.

[WHIRRING]

[BEEPING WILDLY]

[♪♪♪]

[RINGING]

[LAUGHS]

[KNOCKING]

Come in.

Oh, hello, Bill.

Why so gloomy?

Clippy Jones held up the
Fifth Street Bank this afternoon,

at quarter to 3.

Was he recognized?

Yes, by two of the tellers.

Well, once you catch him,

it'll be easy to
get a conviction.

Not this time, Kent.

You know where Clippy
was at five after 3?

No, I don't.

In San Francisco,
visiting the chief of police.

Bill, that's impossible.

San Francisco's hours away.

Maybe it was someone
that just looked like Clippy.

I'm afraid not.

I had the chief run a test

of the fingerprints
found on the desk.

They were Clippy's, all right.

Well, maybe the bank
tellers were mistaken.

I hope so.

If not, this is the spookiest
operation I've ever run into.

Yeah, I see what you mean.

Okay, men, on your feet.

I'm back. Just
flew in from Frisco.

Clippy, you made
it. Without a hitch.

What a sweet little
racket we got here.

So what are we
stalling around for?

Hey, Brain.

How do you feel about that
jewelry store on Elm and Sixth?

I think it's worth a
heist, boss. Good.

After you pull the job,

you report back to the
professor's workshop at 3.

Before you know it,
you'll be in Chicago.

All right. Sure.

Yeah, I'll be right over, Bill.

What was that all about?

Well, the Brain held
up the jewelry store

at the corner of Elm and Sixth.

He's one of Ed
Crowley's g*ng, isn't he?

That's right.

Now, he pulled the
job at quarter of 3,

and the owner
positively identified him.

So, what's the problem?
No problem at all,

except he was seen in
Chicago at 10 minutes after 3.

Well, that's impossible.

Maybe so. It's the second
time it's happened in two days.

I'm going down to
headquarters and talk to Bill.

I'll see you in the morning.

Goodbye, Clark.
Goodbye, Mr. Kent.

I better be getting
back to work myself.

Wait a minute, Jimmy.

What is it, Miss Lane?

The other day Professor
Pepperwinkle stopped by here.

With another one of
his crazy inventions?

It may not be so crazy
after all. What was it?

He has a gadget that
he can phone people

any place they want to go,

and they get there right away.

That sounds like the professor.

But just suppose
it works, Jimmy.

I may be dense, Miss Lane,
but I don't know what you mean.

Well, it could explain a lot
of those mysterious alibis.

How?

Well, say after a robbery,

the people go back
to the professor

and get themselves
phoned right out of town.

The professor may
be a little bit crazy,

but he wouldn't get mixed
up with anything illegal.

Unless he didn't know
what he was mixed up in.

I see what you mean.

First of all, I'd
like to find out

if that invention really works.

Would you look up his
phone number for me, Jimmy?

Sure, Miss Lane.

"Peppers."

"Pepper."

"Corn."

"Pepperwinkle."

"Greenleaf 8975."

Thanks, Jimmy.

[DIALING]

[PHONE RINGING]

[MUTTERS]

Hello, hello, Professor
Pepperwinkle speaking.

Oh, professor, this
is Lois Lane calling.

Oh, hello, Miss Lane.

Uh, what can I do for you?

Well, I'm afraid I was rude
the other day when I told you

I didn't believe
in your invention.

Oh, that's all right.

I was wondering if I could
come over for a demonstration.

What time would be good for you?

Well, now, let's see.

I've had a pretty hard day
inventing and I'm kind of tired.

How about first
thing in the morning?

It's a date, professor.

See you in the morning. Bye.

Wanna go along? I
wouldn't miss it for anything.

I better leave Clark a note

so he'll know why we weren't
here at the cr*ck of dawn.

How was the trip, Brain? Swell.

I made it a point to talk to a
half a dozen respectable people

who positively can identify me.

Hey, the professor's
got early visitors.

A girl and some kid.

That girl happens
to be Lois Lane,

and the kid's Jim Olsen.

So?

So they both work
at the Daily Planet

and I don't like
the way this looks.

[KNOCKING]

Yeah.

Good morning,
Professor Pepperwinkle.

Hi, professor.

Won't you come in,
please? Thank you.

I'm so glad I didn't miss being

the very first one to
try your new invention.

But I'm afraid you
have, Miss Lane. Oh?

My tenant, Mr. Jones,
had a very nice trip

to Kansas City
just the other day.

Not Mr. Clippy Jones?

Yes. And he ran into
his two long-lost brothers,

and now they're all
staying here together.

Ooh, such nice chaps.

One of them collects flowers

and the other
arranges butterflies.

I guess it's just the
other way around.

What are these brothers' names?

Why, Jones, I guess,
just like Mr. Clippy's.

No, sir, she means
their first names.

Well, now, let's see.

There's big brother Edward
and little brother the Brain.

Oh, here they are now.

I'd like you to meet
the Jones boys.

This is Miss Lane
and Jimmy Olsen.

ALL: How do you do.

Have you caught any
good butterflies today?

My little brother the Brain's
had an awful headache.

He can't even think
about butterflies

without getting dizzy.

Oh, dear me. I'm
sorry to hear that.

We thought maybe you
might have something

to make him feel better.

Why, of course I do.

I'll get it right away.
Well, thanks a lot.

Now, what are
you two doing here?

Might ask the same
of you, Mr. Crowley.

There must be some
mistake. The name's Jones.

Don't try to lie, Mr. Crowley.

I've seen enough
of your pictures.

She's pretty smart.

You can say that again.

She's got it all figured
out, all by herself.

Jimmy.

That's very interesting, kid.

What has she
got all figured out?

Nothing. Never mind.

I don't like somebody
who starts to say something

and then don't finish
it. You leave him alone.

You'll get in plenty of trouble
if Kent finds out about this.

I got news for you, Miss
Lane. He ain't gonna find out.

At least, not from you.
What do you mean?

We've arranged for
you to take a little trip.

You may be gone for a long time.

All right, shove 'em in it.

[♪♪♪]

[RAPID BEEPING]

Operator, get me Alaska.

Yeah. Yukon 7413.

[WHIRRING]

Here you are, Mr. Jones.

Oh, thanks, professor.

Why, uh...

One, two, three, four...

There's someone missing.

I'm sure there were
more of us here before.

You're right. Absolutely
right, as usual.

Miss Lane and
Jim Olsen just left.

Oh, they did.

Oh, dear. I was going to give
Miss Lane a demonstration.

[♪♪♪]

Miss Lane come back yet?

What about Jimmy Olsen?

Well, if anybody wants
to know about me,

I don't know when I'll
be back either, then.

Depends on how much trouble

they've managed to
get themselves into.

Well, they were here, Mr. Kent,

but they left before I
could demonstrate this.

Tell me this,

has anyone beside yourself
had access to the machine?

I don't think so.

And I spend all my time here
except when I take my daily nap.

Your daily nap. When is that?

From 3 to 5, every afternoon.

May I use your phone a minute?
Yes, yes, yes. Help yourself.

Inspector Henderson, please.

Hello, Bill. This is Clark.

Listen, I've got a hunch.

I want you to get
two of your best men

to Professor
Pepperwinkle's workshop.

Uh-huh. At 3:00.

That's right, 3.

I'll explain when I see you.

Right now, I have
an errand to do.

One more call, professor.

Yes, yes, yes. Help
yourself. Thank you.

Long-distance operator?

I'd like to know if there
have been any calls

placed on this
phone today, please.

Oh, there have. Alaska?

All right. Thank you.
Thank you very much.

I'll see you later, professor.

Yes, all right. Goodbye,
Mr. Kent. Goodbye.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Jeepers, Superman,

you sure saved us
from a frosty fate.

We might never have
been heard of again.

Well, I know I saved somebody
a lot of trouble in Alaska.

There'll be a bus
along any minute.

I'll see you later.

[WIND WHOOSHING]

Thanks to you, we
got all of them, Clark.

No thanks to me, Bill.

Lois is the one
you should thank.

She was the one that
caught on first, you know.

[KNOCKING] Come in.

Oh, gentlemen.

Gentlemen, I thought
you'd like to know

I've destroyed my
De-atmosphering Chamber

so you won't be
having any more trouble.

Why did you do that?

To tell the truth,

I couldn't afford the
long-distance phone bill.

Ooh. This month it's a whopper.

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: Don't miss
the next thrill-packed episode

in the amazing
Adventures of Superman.

Superman is based
on the original character

appearing in Superman magazine.