05x13 - Whatever Goes Up

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: The
Adventures of Superman.

Faster than a speeding b*llet.

More powerful than a locomotive.

Able to leap tall buildings
at a single bound.

MAN 1: Look! Up in the
sky! MAN 2: It's a bird!

WOMAN: It's a plane!
MAN 3: It's Superman!

NARRATOR: Yes, it's Superman,

strange visitor
from another planet,

who came to Earth
with powers and abilities

far beyond those of mortal men.

Superman, who can change
the course of mighty rivers,

bend steel in his bare hands,

and who, disguised
as Clark Kent,

mild-mannered reporter for a
great metropolitan newspaper,

fights a never-ending battle

for truth, justice and
the American way.

[♪♪♪]

Oh!

What in blazes are
you doing in there?

Why, nothing. Nothing, sir.

Oh! Gee...

I'm sorry, sir, but
it was an accident.

That accident has
ruined a pair of $60 pants.

I got a feeling we're gonna
have another accident right now.

No, Superman. Let him go.

No. I ruined his pants,
and it was all my fault.

All right, Jimmy,
anything you say.

Clark Kent told me

that you'd been fooling
around with some chemicals.

I just dropped in to
see how much trouble

you were really getting into.

Well, I was developing
a new soft drink,

but it acted more
like a flamethrower,

right out that window.

But I'm working on some
great new discoveries.

Watch this:

Well, what's that?

It's synthetic rubber.

Jimmy, I hope you only used

the chemicals that
came in your set.

No. I bought some extra stuff

down at the chemical store.

You did? What did you use?

Some of that stuff on
the shelf over there.

Jeepers, Superman.
What happened?

Well, Jimmy, that so-called
synthetic rubber ball of yours

was a dangerous expl*sive.

Now, in the future will
you pick a safer hobby

like, uh, collecting
butterflies, for example.

Oh, but Superman,
I've got a couple of other

pretty important
projects in the work.

Here, let me show...

Jimmy. Butterflies.

[ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDING OPEN]

Were you looking for me, Olsen?

No. No, I was, uh...

I, uh... I just brought
in the pictures

of the beauty-contest finalists.

I see that.

Now, what were you
doing in my drawer?

Drawer? What drawer?

You know what drawer.
I mean my desk drawer.

You slammed it
shut just as I came in.

I did? No I didn't.

I mean, if I did, I...
I didn't know I did.

[SIGHS]

All right, Olsen...

what kind of unfunny
practical joke is this?

Practical joke? I don't know
what you're talking about.

You know perfectly well
what I'm talking about.

This... This floating
paperweight.

[SCREAMS]

Olsen, you are fired.

Not only from this paper,

but I'll see to it you never
work in the newspaper business.

I'm going to see to it that you
never work anywhere again.

I may sue you for
as*ault and battery.

Does it really hurt, sir?

[SIGHS]

Olsen, you are amazing.

Chief, you're absolutely right.
Sometimes I amaze myself.

All right, I give up.

What is the gimmick?

Oh, there's no gimmick. Look.

There's no wires.

I bought a chemistry
set last week.

A chemistry set?

Aren't you a little old
for that sort of thing?

But look what I did last night.

You ought to watch
that. You might drop it.

And with your
scientific abilities,

I wouldn't want to be
around when you drop it.

Drop it? You can't drop
it. That's the beauty of it.

Watch this.

It must be a trick.

No, it's no trick.

It's a secret
formula I developed.

[CHUCKLES]

Your aim is getting
worse, Olsen.

You missed me that time.

Well, that's the
part I can't control.

It's like your temper.

My temper?! Why,
you insolent young...

See what I mean?

I have no temper. See?

Wait a minute.

Do you mean to tell me
you've discovered something

that will counteract gravity?

Well, that's just what I've
been trying to show you.

Why, this is the greatest thing

since the invention
of the wheel.

No, it's not that great. It
only lasts a few seconds.

That's the part I
haven't licked yet.

But the thing you have licked

is the greatest scientific
advance in our time.

It is? Olsen,

this thing is something that
you can't keep to yourself.

The government has got
to be told about this at once.

It has? Golly.

Our department gets calls
like this by the thousands.

To the point where we have
neither the men nor the money

to investigate them all.

Well, now, major, you know
I wouldn't call Washington

on a wild goose chase.

Well, frankly,
Mr. White, antigravity?

Major, if I hadn't seen this
with my own eyes, I, uh...

I'm also a man who believes
what he sees, Mr. White.

I wouldn't be here at all,

except that my superiors
had faith in your word.

And you'll have
faith too, major,

after you've seen
what I've seen.

I have no doubt. Mm.

Now, if I could meet
this Professor Olsen

that you spoke of.

Certainly. He's just outside.

Uh, send Profe... Uh, send
Jimmy Olsen in, please.

Uh, Major, I'm afraid
someone has left you

with the wrong impression.

As a matter of fact, Mr. Olsen
is not exactly a professor.

He's more of a... Uh...

Did you call me, chief?

PERRY: Yes.

Someone here I want you to meet.

Major Osborne,
this is Jimmy Olsen.

How do you do, sir?

This is Olsen?

Now, see here,
Mr. White, what kind of a...?

Uh, major, let's not jump
to any hasty conclusions.

But this boy...

Einstein was only 12

when he published
his theory of relativity.

He was 26. But I still don't
see what that has to do with this.

That's entirely
beside the point.

The fact remains that Mr. Olsen

has discovered
an antigravity fluid.

His age is purely irrelevant.

Well, all right.

I've come this far and
spent this much time.

I might as well go all the way.

Do you have it, Jimmy? Yes, sir.

May I borrow your
pen, please, major?

There you are, sir.

Well, Mr. White, when do
we see the demonstration?

Any moment now.

Well, what do you think of
our little demonstration, major?

Oh, what demonstration?

Mr. White, is this
some kind of trick?

It's your pen, major.

Of course, it's
not perfected yet.

We have to find a way
to make it more persistent.

Professor, may I
see that substance?

Let him see it, Jimmy.

Well, now, major,
are you convinced?

Well...

unless this is some
fantastic practical joke.

Now, major, why would I...?

Oh, I... I apologize, Mr. White.

But you can't blame me
for being a little skeptical.

After all, every
scientist in the world

has said there can be no
such thing as antigravity.

Well, the way I look at it,
gravity is a magnetic force.

Now, we all know that
opposite magnetic forces attract.

Like poles repel.

And it's my idea that
Olsen has discovered

a like force to gravity.

That sounds very logical.
What do you think, professor?

Sure.

Well, now...

I suppose we'll have to set
up well-equipped laboratories,

provide expert assistants

and ample funds to
carry on the research.

No, I have my own laboratory.

I don't need a thing.

MAJOR: Well,
perhaps you're right.

The fewer people that
know about this, the better.

Why, if word of
this ever got out,

every unscrupulous individual
and every world government

would be scheming to get it.

And of course, I'll give
Olsen leave of absence

from his duties here

so he can carry on his great
work for the government.

At full salary, of course.

Of course. [SIGHS] Of course.

Now, may I, uh, send that bottle

back to our
laboratories for analysis?

Sure, I've got a big bottle

of the stuff back at my lab.

And you, uh, have the formula?

Well...

uh, you see,

I was working on so many
experiments at one time

that, well, I don't quite know

which one that one was.

But, uh, I'll recheck my papers.

Good. And I'll stay on in town

in case there's
anything you need.

The bottle. It's gone!

[♪♪♪]

I can't understand it. It's
simply not in this room.

But there's been no
one else in this office,

and it was here
just a minute ago.

If that bottle should
fall into the hands

of the wrong person...

Superman.

Did anyone here lose this?

I found it floating
around outside.

Oh, hello, major. Nice
to see you again, sir.

Hello, Superman.
Oh, that's mine.

Thank you very much.

Oh.

Well, I have to
send in my report.

I'll see you later in the
day, though I may spend

a little while with a
psychiatrist in the meantime.

JIMMY: Goodbye, sir.
SUPERMAN: Major.

How's it coming, professor?

Slowly, major. Slowly.

You don't accomplish
these miracles overnight.

You can't rush the
atom, you know.

I sent the sample to
Washington for analysis.

We should have a
preliminary report any day now.

Good. I'd sure like
to know what's in it.

What?

I mean, uh...

I'd sure like to know, uh,

what they think of it.

[COUGHS]

Well, I'd better be going now.

[COUGHS] Be sure to
notify me immediately

of any further results.

[BOTH COUGH]

Yes, sir.

[COUGHING]

Hi, Jimmy.

Hi, Miss Lane.

Whew. You should
get some air in here.

[EXHALES]

How's the experiment coming?

What do you know about it?

Well, the chief told Clark
and me. Swore us to secrecy.

One of us is to come here every
day and get a progress report.

That way, we'll
have a story ready

when the government releases it.

There isn't gonna be any story.

Are you kidding? But,
Jimmy, we're all proud of you.

Why, this'll be the
biggest story of the century.

[SIGHS]

Miss Lane, I have to tell
somebody, or I'll go crazy.

I haven't the faintest
idea what I'm doing.

What do you mean?

Well, I was fooling around
with my chemistry set one day,

trying to make a new
kind of chocolate cake.

I mixed together some chemicals,
some eggs and some sugar...

But you do know what you put in?

No.

A few bottles of some
stuff fell off the shelf

into the mixing bowl,

broke and got mixed up
with the rest of the stuff,

and suddenly the
bowl began to float.

Probably the
world's lightest cake.

Ha, ha, ha.

But you must have some idea
of what went into the mixture.

The whole thing was
a series of accidents.

I don't think I
could repeat them.

Well, you're going
to have to try.

Do you have any
of the mixture left?

Yeah.

I keep it trapped in here.

It, uh... It sort of has
a tendency to float.

Maybe you better start
working on that cake again.

Why don't you put
all the bottles back

the way you had them that day,

and then try to duplicate
your movements.

No, it's no use, Miss Lane.

I don't have any idea what
I had around here that day.

Well, why don't you
tell the major that,

and just forget the whole thing?

I'm afraid to.

Mr. White's gone
way out on a limb

convincing the government
that I knew what I was doing.

If they ever found out
what really happened,

it'd make him
seem like an idiot.

And that's one thing he
doesn't enjoy seeming like.

Well, that's for sure.

Well, is there anything
I can do to help?

Well... maybe we
could both work on it.

That way we'd have
twice as good a chance

of stumbling onto
the formula again.

Here's a small
sample of the stuff.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Come in.

Professor Olsen?

Now, wait a minute,
don't get excited.

I'll pay for your pants.

Oh, think nothing of it,
professor. A misunderstanding.

I didn't know who you were.

I'm Frank Gannis from

the Department of
Government Research.

May I speak freely?

Well, sure. This is, uh,
Miss Lane, my assistant.

How do you do? How do you do?

Word has reached us that
you have been conducting

rather successful
experiments in antigravity.

Yes. But Major Osborne
has already contacted me.

Major Osborne?

My word, sir. I know of no
such officer in our service.

I'm afraid you've been
put upon by an impostor.

Really? How terrible.

Why, we'd better contact
Washington immediately.

Very cute, Miss Lane.
Hold it right there.

All right, Olsen. I'll take
the stuff, whatever it is,

and the formula. But
I don't have a formula.

I only wish I did.

It must be here someplace.

All right, step
back, both of you.

Honestly, I don't have
any antigravity fluid.

Never heard of antigravity?
What do you call that?

What is that?

Ah! Oh!

Hold the g*n on him,
Jimmy. I'll get the police.

Oh!

Hold it, Miss Lane.

All right, Olsen.

I'll take the formula

and whatever stuff
you've already made.

Come on!

All right. I'll give it to you.

Come on.

Stop right there.

Just let go of it and step back.

Lucky for you, you
didn't try anything smart.

Get it back.

How?

It really doesn't matter.

You can make plenty
more, can't you, Olsen?

That's what I've been
trying to tell you. I can't.

Step back.

I think you're
telling the truth.

So I have another idea.

Come along with
me to my laboratory.

You can finish your
experiments there.

[AIR WHOOSHING]

You expecting someone?

Don't worry about him, Superman.

Just get the jar of antigrav.
It floated out the window.

Oh, I quit.

That's all there
is to it. I quit.

Now, now. Calm down, Olsen.

This is a very important
decision you're making.

I know it's an
important decision.

That's why I can't calm down.

Maybe the boy's right, chief.
You can see the state he's in.

You keep out of this, Kent.

Do you fully realize the
importance of your work

to the government?

Do you fully realize the
importance of my life to me?

You're exaggerating.

Just because one man
tried to steal your formula.

It only takes one
man to k*ll me.

Superman frightened him
away. He won't be back.

Jimmy, why don't you
give the government

everything you've
discovered up till now?

Let them carry on from there.

That's the first sensible
thing I've heard all morning.

All right. If that's the
way you feel about it.

Major Osborne is
due here any minute.

[RINGS]

Yes?

Yes, of course. Send him in.

Well, now you can
tell Major Osborne.

And I'm sure he'll be
quite disappointed in you.

Ah, Major, nice
to see you again.

I'll be in my office
if you want me, sir.

All right, Clark.

Well, professor,

I was just over at your
laboratory looking for you.

And I was just
gonna look for you.

Sir...

I give up.

I quit.

Olsen, won't you
please reconsider?

Uh, Mr. White, let me
talk with the boy a moment.

Now, son, you just
can't quit. We need you.

Don't you realize how
important your work is?

Major, I feel that the
government scientists

are much more qualified

to carry on my work than I am.

Ah, but they're not.

That's what I wanted
to see you about.

We've just completed
our analysis

of your antigravity liquid.

Good. Then you have the formula.

Well, that's just it.

Well, we can break it down
to most of its component parts,

but the professor here
seems to have accomplished

some rearrangement of the atoms.

We've been unable to
duplicate the exact mixture.

So you see, Olsen,
you have to carry on.

No, I won't.

Of course...

we can't force you to.

But I just want you to know

that your country will
be eternally grateful.

[SIGHS]

Major, if I thought I
could be of any use...

But think of what
you'll accomplish.

Why, we could build
spaceships to the stars

using your antigrav fluid.

Not only that, but people will
be able to fly without a ship.

Anyone, even you, will be
able to fly like Superman.

Yeah. I would be able to
fly like Superman, wouldn't I?

Major...

Chief...

I've never been one to
shun my duty to my country.

I'll do it.

[COUGHING]

Well, chief, any
word from Jimmy?

Sure. He's invented rubber
that melts at room temperature,

synthetic wood that crumbles
at the slightest pressure,

but up till now, he's not
been able to duplicate

his antigravity fluid.

Chief, you've got to let
him stop those experiments.

Oh, don't start that again.

Well, look, now, I've been
nosing all around town,

and the whole underworld's
just buzzing with the news.

In fact, they're
practically drawing straws

to see who knocks Jimmy
off to steal his formula.

Yeah, I've heard about that.

And you intend to
let him continue?

I've just had a phone
call from Major Osborne.

Washington is sending 20
men out here to guard the house.

Cream and sugar, Miss Lane?

No, thanks. Just black.

Well, I will say, you
make the greatest coffee.

Looks like that's
all I can make.

[TURNS LOCK]

You better get out of here.

In a few minutes, this
place is gonna be swarming

with federal men.

I just b*at them in.

They're starting to
surround the building.

Lieutenant Kraley
just called me.

The entire building
is surrounded.

No one will be able to
get in without being seen.

Good. [RINGS]

Yes?

Yes, he's here.

For you. Washington calling.

Oh, thank you.

Major Osborne here.

What?

Will you repeat that, please?

Why, that's terrible.

Yes, I'll get the information
to him immediately.

What happened?

That was the laboratory
in Washington.

While running some experiments

on the sample of
Olsen's antigrav,

they mixed a small
portion of it with water.

A few minutes
later, it exploded.

Of course. It's highly unstable.

That's why it disintegrates

on exposure to the
moisture in the air.

Well, we knew it was unstable,

but we hardly expected
it to be that unstable.

We'll have to notify
Professor Olsen at once.

May I use your phone?

Certainly. Thank you.

Let's have it, Olsen.

What good will it do you?

You'll never be able
to get out of here now.

Why don't you give up?

That stuff's my only hope.

The only way I can
get out of here is to fly.

[PHONE LINE BUZZES]

MAJOR: Well, that's strange.

He doesn't seem to answer.

I can't understand it.

I'd better get over
there right away.

Would you care to...?

Where did Mr. Kent go?

I don't know. He was
here a moment ago.

[♪♪♪]

But I told you, I
don't have a formula.

Look, I haven't
got time to argue.

Just give me the big
jar of the stuff you have.

Come on now, get it for me.

All right.

What do you want this stuff for?

It's no good. It only
lasts a few seconds.

It'll last long enough
to get me out of here.

This all you have left?

That's the last of it.

What about that?

Oh, no, that's just... Uh...

All right. You win.

That is the rest of
the antigravity fluid.

We were holding out on you.

We were?

Okay, don't get smart.

Now, pour the rest of
that stuff into this jar.

Cream and sugar?

What?

Nothing.

I'm gonna take this stuff
and pour it all over myself,

and float out that window.

And for your
sake, it better work.

You're not floating anywhere.

[GASPS]

I have a message for
you from the government.

And I'm glad I got here in time.

This is one time, Superman,
we really didn't need you.

He wasn't going anywhere.

There's enough stuff
here to have floated him

out that window and
past the government men.

Not with that
stuff. It's diluted.

Not with water, I hope.

Water? Of course not.

Well, thank goodness for that.

You see, the government
scientists have discovered

when you mix this
stuff with water,

it explodes in a
matter of minutes.

Explodes? Why, we
put coffee in there.

Coffee?

Here, Gannis, you wanted this.

Oh, no! This time
it's the whole suit!

[COUGHS]

Don't worry. Where you're
going, they'll furnish your clothes.

Look at my lab. It's ruined.

Well, maybe it's just as well.

Now you can leave
science to the scientists.

Does anyone know where I can get

a good second-hand
butterfly net?

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: Don't miss
the next thrill-packed episode

in the amazing
Adventures of Superman.

Superman is based
on the original character

appearing in Superman magazine.