04x24 - Consider Me Gone

Episode transcripts for the TV show "ALF". Aired: September 22, 1986 – March 24, 1990.
ALF is an alien from the planet Melmac who follows an amateur radio signal to Earth and crash-lands into the garage of the Tanners, a suburban middle-class family who live in the San Fernando Valley area of California.
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04x24 - Consider Me Gone

Post by bunniefuu »

Hello, Australia.

ALF calling Australia.
Come in please.

Good day.

What's the matter,
a dingo got your tongue?

ALF to Australia.
ALF to Australia. Come in.

- Say, what are you doing?
- Willie.

I've got the most brilliant
money-making plan ever devised.

I'm glad you asked.

Did you know that it's already
tomorrow in Australia?

Well.. that's because
to get there you have to cross

the international date line.

Well, that's fascinating,
for those of us who care.

Why the racing form?

It's all part of the plan.

See, I'm trying to get an
Australian to check

tomorrow's "LA Times"
and tell me who's gonna win

the Pick Six tonight
at Hollywood Park.

Oh, I can't believe
no one's thought of this before.

Um... Heh.
Let me try to explain here.

Uh, it's not really
tomorrow there.

Well, it is for them
but for us it's today.

You see, the time is the same,
it's just it's different days.

Go ahead, make the bet.

What's that?

I don't know, Willie.
Listen, listen.

- This can't be possible.
- What? What's not possible?

This message,
it's in Melmacian code.

Someone's trying to contact me.

Did you get it?
Have you translated the code?

You're not gonna believe this.

- What does it say?
- They're coming to get me.

- Who? Who's coming to get you?
- My friends Skip and Rhonda.

They've been trying
to contact me for days.

Seems they bought a new planet
and they want me to join them

in the beginning
of a new Melmac.

Now, are you sure
you copied it down right?

I mean, I wouldn't
wanna get my..

Your hopes up.

I certainly don't need
to decode that.

I don't understand.
How can you just buy a planet?

Well, they got a good deal
on a foreclosure.

You know what this means?

It means a chance
for a new homeland

where liberty and freedom and
the rights of the individual

will reign supreme.

As soon as we
buy off the natives

with some cheap trinkets.

Well, I guess we should have
expected this day might come.

When are Skip and Rhonda
coming for you?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What's with the bum's rush here?

Well, we assume by our..

Your excitement
that you're going.

Well, maybe, maybe not.

There's a lot to consider.

Not the least of
which is the $600

they want for
a security deposit.

That's not a problem.

Somebody get her a hanky.

- ALF, don't go.
- Oh, finally.

You know, it's not
that we're anxious

to see you leave, exactly.

It's just that

well, this should be
the fulfillment of a dream.

We don't wanna
stand in your way.

Nice save.


How can I make a decision
like this?

Whatever I decide
I lose something.

When do you have
to let them know?

Well, they said
they're gonna broadcast

another message tomorrow.

What do you suppose
it means, colonel?

Do you really think there's
something out there

trying to reach us?

I hope so.

I hate begging for funding

every year
with pictures of Frisbees

taken by some gas-station
attendant in the Ozarks.

- Colonel.
- Did you get through to NASA?

Afraid he's as stumped
as we are, sir.


What is it? What does it mean?

What we have is a continuously
repeating signal.

It's not coming from a satellite
or any other man-made device.

It's originating
from deep space,

and it appears
to be coming closer.

We have every available computer
working on this night and day.

We will find out what this
means, alright, sergeant?

Yes, sir.

I love it when he takes control.

- What's that, sergeant?
- Uh, nothing, sir.

Oh, hey. Hey, look, Brian.

Here's that kick-me sign
I tapped to your back

your first day of school
four years ago.

Oh, wow.

That was the day I learned

how to run really,
really fast.

Oh, oh. And here's
that fake finger

I put in your mashed potatoes.

I didn't think it was possible
to spit anything that far.

Oh, hey, remember this?
The arrow?

The arrow through the head?


"Help me, Brian!
Help me! Help me!"

Oh, we've had some fun times
together, ALF.

Yeah, we sure have.

Are you gonna go away?

I can't make up my mind.

Could I go with you?

Aw, come on, Brian.

You've got a life full of
accomplishments ahead of you.

You'll meet people,
you'll fall in love.

She'll break your heart,
you'll find somebody better.

You'll have children,
they'll break your heart.

Eventually, you'll
grow old and die.

You don't wanna miss out
on all that, do you?

No, I guess not.


Oh, ah, what a maroon.

What's it say?
What's it say?

They're still coming,
aren't they?

If I want them to.

Well, they're not gonna
land here, are they?

Because I've seen
the way you guys park.

They've given me coordinates

to a landing spot
on the edge of town.

Seems they only have enough fuel

for one pass
so it's now or never.

How will they find you?

Well, Skip said to be there
right on the stroke of midnight

wearing a trench coat
and a fedora.

- Uh-oh.
- What? What was that?

They want my answer.

I hate it when they
push me like that.

What do I do?

What do I tell them?

You might wanna make sure
your answer

is in the form of a question.

What's the right answer?

I mean, do I give up
all that I have

for what might only
be a pipe dream?

Do I leave my loved ones
for a chance at freedom?

I can't decide.
I can't. I can't.

Just close your eyes tightly.

What's the first thing you see?

Well, ahem
what did you tell them?

I'm going.

But I'm not chipping in for gas.

Okay, I'll tell him. Right.

Colonel, we were just informed.

That last transmission
didn't come from space.

It, uh.. It came from Earth.


Can you be more specific?

Uh, yes, sir. That would be
the third planet

from the sun, sir.

Thank you, lieutenant.

I believe what I meant
was where on Earth

did that transmission come from?

Lieutenant, we are
not in this for fun.

This is the real thing.

If there's going
to be an encounter

I don't wanna be sitting
around with my finger up my nose

because some smart-aleck
jokester didn't do his job.

Now, I don't care
what you have to do

or what lie you
have to tell

but I want that code cracked
and I want it cracked now.

Do you understand me,

Now move.

And that goes for all of you.

His wife's in Bermuda.

Hey, hey, this is supposed to be
my going-away party.

Come on, let's
"Boogie Oogie Oogie"

till we just
can't boogie no more.

He's right, you know.

As hard as it is to say goodbye,
we should be happy for him.

It's a time to celebrate.
Right, Kate?

I'm fine. I'm on my
second piece of cake.

I'm gonna miss you most of all.

ALF, before you go

um, this would be
a good time

we thought to express
how we feel about you.

When you first landed
in our garage

I was just a shy,
awkward little girl with braces

but since then you have taught
me that anything is possible.

Because of you I can never ever

again close my mind
to new ideas.

I guess what I'm trying to
say is that wherever you...

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

This isn't funny.

Where are the jokes?

Where are the cheap shots?

I want you to have this
in hopes that in years to come

when you're far away,
you'll wear it and think of me.

Oh. Your locket.

Look. It's a picture
of Elvis and Mary Tyler Moore

from "A Change of Habit."

Lynn, how could
I ever forget you?

Well, come on, come on.
Who's next?


Here. I made this for you.

An original Brian Tanner.

See, here's us on Earth, and
here's you on your new planet.

We're really not all that
far away from each other.

Thanks, B.

Goodbye, ALF.

We'll always be best friends?

ALF, um..

...we've been together
for what, 10 years?

Going on four.


Well, as you know,
we haven't always gotten along.

Or been that close.

But we have seen
each other naked.


But family members often
disagree with each other.

It doesn't mean
they love each other any less.

I guess having you with us

has enriched our family.

It's given each of us a new
perspective on life and living

and taught us incredible
survival skills.

You know, whatever doesn't
k*ll you, makes you stronger.

Well, ALF,
I don't know what to say.

You've certainly
turned our lives inside out

but you've also made us laugh.

You've expanded our horizons.

You've given us experiences

that no other family
on Earth can share.

And, although it's gonna
leave a big void

right in the middle
of our lives

it means that you're
going to have a chance

to live a life
with dignity and purpose.

The life that awaits you
in your new home.

And I think it's that thought

that makes the idea
of missing you bearable.

Oh, Willie, take me with you.

You're the one that's going.

Oh, yeah.

I was caught up in the moment.

Well, we thought it was only

proper this time,
to give you this.

A stick.

Look, everybody.
Willie gave me a stick.

Not just any stick.

This is a stick
from the roof of our garage.

The garage that
you crashed into

almost four years ago now.

Read what it says.

"To ALF.
If you ever drop in again,

please use the front door.
Love, the Tanners."

Thanks, guys.

Now I'd like to say something,
if I might.

Go ahead, ALF.

I wanna thank you
for taking me in

and making me
feel like family.

Oh, ALF.

And if I have one regret

it's that I couldn't
walk among humans unafraid.

Walk up to some
Joe Citizen and say

"Hey, Joe, wanna grab a brewski
and talk about the Lakers?"

But I can do that
where I'm going

although none of us
are named Joe.

Well, Eric's in his car seat.

It's time to go.

I can't let you leave
without doing this.



Be happy.

Come on. You're gonna be late.

I'll be right out.

Well, goodbye, house.

Four years
and they give me a stick.

Good news, sir.

We cracked the code.

What is it?

It appears
that an alien spacecraft

is about to rendezvous
with one of its own.

I knew it! I knew it!
We're not crazy!

We haven't wasted the last
10 years of our lives.

The, uh, coordinates would
indicate that the contact point

is a field just outside of
Los Angeles at, uh, 2400 hours.

Damn! I wanted to be
there for it.

Alright. Alert LA.
Tell them to get moving.

Oh, and tell them
to keep a low profile.

We don't wanna scare 'em away.

Gentlemen, get ready
to go down in history.


ALF, we just stopped
five minutes ago.

I wanna be sure.

Have you ever used a bathroom
at zero gravity?

You think I'm messy at home.

'We're about five minutes
from rendezvous point.'

'No visual contact.'

'Please advise.'

The UFO has been picked up
on radar.

It's right on course.

Proceed with caution.
Code yellow.

Well I guess this must be it.

Nothing to do now
but unload the car and wait.

We have established visual
contact with ground zero.

There's an unknown
civilian vehicle on site.

- Please advise.
- Good. Stay calm.

Go to code green.

Good luck, men.

It's a fine night
to leave the galaxy.

Does anyone know
what poison oak looks like?

Why is this so heavy?

- Isn't this our VCR?
- Oh, is it? Ha.

You know, I couldn't
remember whether

I bought that
or if you guys, uh..

Keep it. I insist.

As I recall, you only had two
suitcases when you got here.

What's in these boxes, anyway?

ALF, your ride's here.

Safe home, my friend.

Hey, no problem.

We'll be going against traffic.

ALF! Someone's coming!

Get back here!



Wait! Wait!

Don't leave me!


Dad, do something!

Stay right where you are.

Uh, hey, guys.

You wanna grab a brewski?

What about those Lakers, huh?

Just my luck.

Not a sports fan among you.
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