07x13 - The Misunderstanding/Love Below Decks/The End Is Near

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Love Boat". Aired: September 24, 1977 – May 24, 1986.*
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Set on the luxury passenger cruise ship MS Pacific Princess, and revolves around the ship's captain Merrill and a handful of his crew, with passengers played by guest actors for each episode, having romantic and humorous adventures along the way.
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07x13 - The Misunderstanding/Love Below Decks/The End Is Near

Post by bunniefuu »

[Theme - Jack Jones, "the love
boat theme"]

Theme song: Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest
reward, let it flow.

It floats back to you.

Love boat, soon will
be making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love!

Welcome aboard, it's love!

[Phone rings]

Merrill!

Ellen!

Both: (Laughing) Oh!

Oh, you look fabulous.

Well, for a widowed woman.

For a woman woman.

You always know the
right things to say.

Well!

I've lined you up for
the ship's activities,

plus a tour of the entire ship.

And tomorrow evening you'll
be dining at my table.

The vif treatment.

The "vif"?

Very important friend.

(Laughing) Oh!

You don't have to fuss for
me, merrill, I'll be fine!

No, you've been
hibernating too long, Helen.

This cruise is just the
kind of thing you need--

enjoyable,
entertaining, and I'll

introduce you to some
very charming people.

(Laughing) Oh!

Stubing?

Dutch, has it ever occurred
to you to call me "captain"?

I know I would, if I were you.

You ain't me, sister.

I call him "stubing."

Chief boden, I allow you
a certain amount of Liberty

because you're the
best engineer I know,

but I will not tolerate
disrespect to my passengers.

Sometimes you go too far!

Maybe I do, but nobody's going
anywhere for a couple of hours.

I've got to get ashore and
pick up a crankshaft casing

for the number engine.

You do this every time
we're ready to leave port.

There's absolutely nothing
wrong with our number engine!

They're my babies.

If one of my babies don't
feel right, I know it!

You've had a crankshaft casing
in storage for six months, now.

You can use the
casing from the number

auxiliary engine as a backup!

You only steer
the ship, stubing.

I run it.

You handle belowdecks, chief.

I'll handle topside.

And I'd appreciate
it if you wouldn't

come up here dressed like that.

Nobody told me this was
a best dressed man contest.

In case you're, uh,
wondering, you came in last.

Stubing, your taste in
broads's getting a lot better.

At least this one has nice pins!

She is not a "broad," and
she does not have nice pins!

Really!

I think they look great.

But then maybe you're
not a leg man, stubing!

[Laugh]

(Laughing) Oh!

Karen, stop worrying!

So Jenny misses
one ballet lesson.

It's the first time
we've left her alone.

I just don't want her
to feel neglected.

Neglected?

She's smothered with love.

Tony, remembering things
like that in lessons

can mean a lot to a child.

Ok, I'll wire the sitter.

Stay here, and relax.

Ah, welcome aboard, miss.

Fairchild.

I'm Adam bricker,
the ship's doctor,

and this is Vicki stubing.

How do you do ?

I didn't think anyone
would recognize

me, behind these dark glasses
and under this big hat.

Especially since I've been
retired all these years!

Ah, your wonderful
pictures have

given you a very famous face.

(Laughing) Oh!

That's very kind of you, doctor.

Let's see-- you are
on the promenade deck,

cabin , miss.

Fairchild.

Thank you, Vicki.

See you.

Who is Nancy Fairchild?

Oh, she was a very big star--

phenomenal actress.

Oh, honey, isn't it beautiful!

Hello-- welcome aboard.

I'm Julie McCoy,
your cruise director.

Oh, hello.

I'm f lix Sheppard.

How do you do?

Fine.

And this is my wife, Andrea.

We were just married
this afternoon.

Well then, on behalf
of the whole crew,

I hope you have a
terrific cruise.

And we wish you a long
and happy life together.

Oh, thank you
very much, Julie.

Too bad it will all
be over tomorrow night.

[Giggle]

Karen?

Karen!

Well, isn't this an
unhappy coincidence.

It doesn't have to be.

Maybe fate has
brought us together!

Fate-- like some tired plot
from one of your old movies.

Oh, please, Karen.

This trip could be good for us.

We could get to know
each other again.

I don't want to know you.

Karen, I'm your mother.

Mother?

I don't have any mother.

[Ship's horn]

Andrea: Well, everyone
seems to be having fun.

It's too bad
they bought two-way

tickets on a one-way cruise.

Maybe we should warn them.

No, that would
just spoil their fun.

They're going to find
out soon enough, anyway!

And besides, what they
don't know hurt them-- yet.

At least not for
another hours,

minutes, and seconds.

It's incredible.

Yeah.

At that exact moment, the
earth will be destroyed.

I'm afraid I still
don't quite understand it.

Well, tonight, at
precisely-- precisely--

: and seconds, life as
we know it will cease to exist.

Professor kreinberg and I have
found a shifting orientation

of the earth's magnetic field,
in such cataclysmic proportions

that it will have an
irreversible and completely

deleterious effect upon our
planetary's regeneration.

Huh?

In other words,
after tonight--

fft!

"Fft"?

Fft.

Oh, excuse me, uh, you're
wearing one of my hats.

I beg your pardon?

I manufacture those hats.

I took a personal
interest in their designs,

so that's why I think
of them as my hats.

(Laughing) Oh, I see.

Ooh!

That sun is so bright, i--

I'm sorry, uh--
do you mind if i--

please do.

Thank you.

I'm Tony Stevens.

Nancy Fairchild.

I know.

I thought I recognized you, but
I didn't want to say anything.

I didn't want to come across
like an autograph hound.

That's very
considerate of you, Tony.

Boy, the cruise
brochures were right.

You really do meet
the beautiful people.

I mean, here it is,
my first day at sea,

and already I'm sitting
next to a movie star.

[Laugh]

You know, somehow I
thought you'd be traveling

with a large group of people.

I always imagined
a movie star having

maids and press
secretaries and agents

around them all the time.

Well, not retired movie stars.

No, I'm traveling alone.

Not tonight.

Hmm?

That is, if you'd care to
join my wife and me for dinner.

I'd like that very much.

Terrific!

It's a date, then?

Yes.

Boy won't she be surprised--
when she learns she's having

dinner with Nancy Fairchild?

[Laugh]

[Laugh]

It's really sweet of you to
take all this time out to show

me around the ship, Vicki.

Well, dad put Julie and
me in charge of seeing

that you have a good time.

I think he's going overboard.

He told Julie to
give me a list of all

the single men from to .

[Laugh] Oh!

What's in here?

Well!

Well!

We really shouldn't be here.

Chief boden doesn't like
anyone down in this area.

He probably
doesn't want anything

disturbed until
they've photographed

it for "good housekeeping."

Hey!

You know my rules, kid.

No one comes down here, and that
includes the boss's daughter.

We were just looking around!

Look somewhere else.

The engine room is off-limits.

In case no one has ever
told you, you're very rude.

Let me be the first.

Stand in line, sister.

Maybe we should leave.

I'm not afraid of king Kong.

In that case,
I'll stay with you!

Wanna bet?

But, that is, if you're
sure you'll be all right, i--

[footsteps]

Now, what's so
important around here

that no one can see it?

Have you discovered
a lost grease mine?

Very funny!

[Laugh] What's this for?

(Yelling) Don't touch that!

Hello, Mr. Deville?

This is f lix Sheppard.

Yes.

I just called to tell
you that you're fat,

and you're boring,
and so is your wife.

What was that all about?

That's my nasty landlord.

I always said, once, before I
go, I wanted to tell him off.

Well, what do we do now?

Let's pay our bills.

Terrific.

Here's your life-insurance bill.

Life insurance!

[Laughter]

Paid.

Paid.

Why don't we pay the
rest all at once, huh?

Come on.

Good idea.

Here's some for you.

Ok.

You're much stronger than I am.

Paid!

[Laugh] Paid!

[Little cry]

Oh, Andrea, i--

I just want you to know that i'm
very happy that we're spending

the rest of our lives together.

I love you, f lix.

And I'll miss you.

You know, it's kind of too
bad it's all going to be over

so soon, because we could have
had a long and wonderful life

together.

Mmm!

You left Ellen alone
with Dutch boden?

He'll chew her to bits!

Well, maybe not.

She looked like she could
take care of herself.

[Gasp] Oh!

What happened?

I accidentally discovered
Dutch boden's shower.

Honey, we've only
got hours,

minutes, and seconds left.

There's something I've
wanted to do all my life.

And I want to
surprise you with it,

but i-- but I have to
go into cabo San Lucas

when we get there tonight.

Ok?

Oh!

Oh, that's perfect, because I
was planning on doing something

that you'll like, too.

[Little laugh]

Great.

[Laughter]

Well, apparently sea air
agrees with you, Ellen.

Your face is glowing.

(Laughing) Oh, thank you!

It's a new skin
moisturizer I came across--

all natural oils.

Pardon me.

Duty calls.

Come on, Ellen, I'll introduce
you to the ship's nightlife.

[Laugh] You're bound and
determined I have a good time.

Not tonight.

(Laughing) Oh, yes,
and it's just beginning.

Tomorrow, I am personally going
to show you puerto vallarta.

I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

And we should be
docking about : am.

In a pig's eye!

You ain't docking nowhere
if that crankshaft

casing gives out.

(Low) Chief,
you're not dressed

properly for the dining room.

I ain't dining.

I warned you about that casing.

I told you we have a spare.

Use it!

If I use the spare,
I won't have a spare.

[Sigh] We'll deal
with this later.

You're dismissed.

You clean up
pretty good, lady.

Unfortunately, I can't
say the same for you.

Don't forget, I
want my pants back.

His pants?

A loan, not a gift.

I told you it's been a very
interesting cruise so far,

merrill.

When are we going to order?

Well, we have to wait
for the surprise, first.

Mm-- I bet I can guess
what the surprise is.

Knowing you, it's probably
some kind of rare [inaudible]..

In a sense.

Good evening.

I hope I'm not late.

Not at all.

Miss Fairchild, I'd like
you to meet my wife.

This is--

Karen.

You two know each other?

This is your big
surprise, Tony?

It's a very bad joke.

Joke?
What--

I think I'd better leave.

I don't want a scene.

You don't want a scene?

People staring,
flashbulbs popping--

you loved that.

It was good publicity for you.

But for me it was
embarrassing and degrading.

Karen, that was
a long time ago.

People change.

I've changed.

No.

You're still the same
old Nancy Fairchild,

hiding behind the dark glasses,
stealing attention, playing

movie star to the
hilt, even conniving

behind my back with
Tony to arrange

this little surprise dinner.

No, you don't understand.

Tony and I met accidentally!

Neither of us
realized that, uh--

I mean, I didn't even
know he was your husband.

Honestly.

What must I do to--

to have you forgive me?

I'll never forgive you.

Just go.

Leave, now, please.

Just get out of my
life, and stay out!

What was that all about?

That woman was my mother--

once.

Your mother?

Vicki (on pa system):
This is the quaint port

of cabo San Lucas.

You'll find interesting
caf s and discotheques.

But remember, we sail at :.

Andrea?

Excuse me-- wrong cabin.

F lix, it's me!

This is what I wanted
to surprise you.

Next time, get me a tie.

Well, I always
wondered what it

would be like to be a blonde.

And now you don't like it.

No, no, no, no, no!

It's ok.

If you like it,
I'm happy, really.

Mmm.

Well, I've got something
to show you, too.

Close your eyes.

Ok, you can open them!

Uh--

(breathy) Ha.

Can I close them again?

What are you talking about?

It's beautiful!

It's an original!

I'll say it's original.

I've never seen anything like
it before in my whole life.

Well, it's something I
always dreamed of getting.

Then I love it.

What difference does
it make, anyway?

Oh, yeah, it's almost time.

[Little laugh] You
know, I feel as

though I've done
more living today

than I did in my entire life.

We really live like
there's no tomorrow.

There isn't.

[Both giggle]

Tony, it was just like her
to search you out and arrange

that little surprise dinner.

Look, she didn't
search me out.

I struck up a
conversation with her.

She was innocent.

You know something,
when I was a child I

used to invite my friends over.

She'd come home from
the studio, and i'd

realize my so-called friends
were being nice to me just

so they could meet her.

Well, it's natural that
they'd want to meet her.

Natural?

Is it natural to be pushed into
the background all your life

and dragged out like
some Christmas ornament

for photo sessions?

Well, she's a famous woman.

Yeah.

So I've been reminded
a million times.

[Sigh]

(Whispering) Hey.

I thought your parents
were both dead.

Yeah, my father d*ed
when I was a baby.

You know something?

It's funny, but i--

I feel like I never knew
either of my parents.

When I got old enough,
I changed my name.

I wanted my own identity.

I didn't want to just be the
daughter of Nancy Fairchild

any longer.

Things were going great.

And then--

the accident?

Yes.

Oh, Tony, you have no idea
how frightening it was.

All those hours,
waiting for a donor.

And the doctors telling me
I'd never see out of that eye

again.

(Hushed) Hey, Karen, honey?

That's all behind
you now, isn't it?

Yes, you're right.

[Exhale] The fear is over.

But the hurt-- the hurt,
that my mother never

called or tried to see
me, until months later,

that hurt is still here.

It's hard to believe she
could do something like that.

You don't know her.

When she finally
did call, it was

some lame excuse about being
away on location somewhere.

The fact is, it probably
just wasn't convenient.

As I told her, I have no mother.

Julie (on pa system):
We hope you enjoyed

your stay in cabo San Lucas.

Our next stop is
puerto vallarta.

Hello!

Hey.

I'm sorry for some
of the things I said.

They weren't very nice.

I wasn't exactly
silver-tongued, myself.

What's that you're polishing?

This is a whale's tooth.

I do scrimshaw.

Oh!

It's kind of a
sculpting in ivory.

Uh-huh?

Nothing you'd
be interested in.

Oh, but I am!

I love artistic things.

Shouldn't you be with stubing?

He's probably wondering
where his girlfriend is.

I'm not the
captain's girlfriend.

He's just a very good friend
of my late husband and myself.

Widow, huh?

My old lady kicked
off six years ago.

Obviously a man
of deep sentiment.

Just the way I talk, lady.

Harriet was a good woman.

And you miss her.

Uh-huh.

I miss my husband, too.

He's gone.

Yes, he's gone.

And you ain't got no one?

No, I ain't got no one.

Good night, Dutch.

Good evening, miss Fairchild.

Oh!

Hello, doctor.

Seeing you standing
in the moonlight

reminds me of that film
you made on a ship.

Ah, let's see.

What was the name of it?

[Laugh] "Blue passage."

Right?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it was one
of my favorites.

You know, when you
came on the ship

I was so thrilled that
I'd actually have a chance

to talk to Nancy Fairchild.

Ha!

That's very sweet
of you, doctor.

I wish someone else
had said that to me.

I'm sorry, doctor, you'll--

you'll have to excuse me.

Oh, it's almost time--

seconds to go.

Hold me!

Five seconds.

I'm afraid!

Would you kiss me?

Oh, yes.

[Three beeps]

[Three beeps]

F lix?
[Three beeps]

Hmm?

What happened?

[Three beeps]

Maybe we're on
eastern standard time.

Ah.

Julie (on pa
system): Buenas d as,

good morning, and welcome
to another beautiful,

sunshiny day.

We are now having
a brief lifeboat

drill on the starlight deck.

[Klaxon]

Attention, all
officers and crew.

Attention, passengers.

Report to your lifeboat
stations immediately.

This is a test.

Lifeboat drill is
now in progress.

Everyone is requested to
attend this important function.

Life jackets can be found
behind your closet doors.

(Softly) Andrea!

Andrea!

Pumpkin face?

Hey, hey!

My precious
cream-filled cupcake?

F lix?

F lix?

F lix?

F lix!

(Calling sweetly) F lix?

Hello?

Anybody?

Hello, somebody?

Oh!

Oh, my god!

The world ended without me.

[Babbling]

[Gasp] Oh!

Excuse me, but I thought the
world had been destroyed.

[Laugh]

Julie (on pa system):
Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to sunny puerto
vallarta, one of the jewels

of the Mexican riviera.

Fishing, boating, parasailing,
shopping-- whatever excites you

is here for the asking.

[Knocking]

(Calling) Just a minute!

Hi.

Good morning!

Come in!

Thank you.

Uh, here.

And, i'm, uh, sorry
about the bad wrapping,

but, uh, I just wanted to
get this over to you early.

Well, what is it?

Well, just--
just look and see.

Oh!

Isn't that beautiful!

Oh, i-- I don't even
know your real name!

Dutch-- Dutch'll do.

Please?

Rudolph.

But if you tell any of
that brass topside, I'll--

I'll take this back.

Oh, I won't tell
a soul, I promise.

[Little laugh] Oh, that's
really very beautiful.

You must have worked
on this all night.

No, no, no.

I had nothing better to do.

I don't believe that.

I'm really very
touched, Rudolph.

(Low) Well, thank you.

[Little laugh]

Tony, i--

I have to talk to you.

What can I do to get
Karen to stop hating me?

I don't know.

It seems there are a
lot of wounds to heal.

I know.

I'm not saying I
was a good mother.

I wasn't.

Looking back now,
I can see that she

was a very lost little girl.

Well, I think it's
unfortunate you didn't realize

that at the time, don't you?

Yes.

There's no excuse!

I never meant to hurt her--

ever.

When she had the accident, I
was away on location-- isolated.

When I found out, i--

I wanted to go to
her, immediately,

but that was impossible.

Then, later, my sister
told me that Karen

never wanted to see me again.

Please, Tony, help me.

I can't promise you anything.

I can talk to her.

I'll see if I can arrange
for us all to have a drink

together before dinner, ok?

Oh, that would be wonderful.

Thank you.

It means everything to me.

(Cheerfully) Good
morning, everybody!

- Good morning!
- Good morning.

Isn't it a lovely day?

Yes, it is, and you look as
pleased as the cheshire cat.

Well!

It's more like an ivory whale.

[Laugh]

Well, whatever the
reason, I'm delighted to see

you in such a good mood!

Oh, I expect it better
to get even better.

Oh, I meant to apologize for
Dutch's rudeness yesterday.

Uh-- he hasn't bothered
you today, has he?

Now, where would I ever
come in contact with him?

Well, shall we
adjourn to the buffet?

Good.

I'm starved.

[Laugh]

I don't understand it.

Neither do I. I've checked
and rechecked my calculations.

I even tried reaching
professor kreinberg,

but he went to Las Vegas to
make sure that he caught Wayne

Newton's act one last time.

What are we
going to do, f lix?

We have nothing left.

I know.

I know, I'm sorry,
but-- but apparently

the earth reversed its magnetic
field too spontaneously, huh?

Well, thanks a lot, f lix.

You just ruined my whole life.

Is something
wrong, Mr. Sheppard?

No, no, no, no, no, no, my
wife's just a little upset.

Oh.

Don't worry about it.

Newlyweds squabble all the time.

Yeah, it doesn't mean
it's the end of the world.

[Laugh]

Unfortunately, that's
the whole problem.

And now you want me
to have drinks with her?

Tony, look, I really resent you
getting in the middle of this.

I'm your husband.

I am in the middle of it.

But it's between her and me.

I don't want to discuss it.

It's over!

It isn't over!

It's eating you alive!

God knows what it's
doing to your mother.

Look, honey, I don't
know everything that's

happened between you two, but
maybe instead of shutting her

out you ought to hear
what she's got to say.

Tony, I don't know.

Karen, for your own
sake, give it a chance.

Please?

I want you to be free.

[Sigh] All right,
I'll see her.

But I'm only doing this
because you want me to.

Well, that's good
enough reason for me.

[Knocking]

It ain't locked!

Oh, it's you, stubing.

I'd like to talk to you, chief

thought we made a deal.

You don't come belowdecks,
I don't go topside.

You didn't keep your
end of the bargain.

You mean last night,
in the dining room?

I mean Mrs.
kirkeby, this morning.

She told me she
ain't your broad.

She ain't my--

I mean, she isn't
anybody's broad.

She's nobody's woman.

I want you to stay
away from her, Dutch.

You threatening me, stubing?

No I'm making a strong
suggestion, boden.

Mrs. Kirkeby isn't
your type of woman.

She sure felt like
it this morning.

Ellen is a very refined
and cultured lady.

I know that.

I prefer you not contact
her, in the future.

Oh, you "prefer."

Well, that's very easy
for you to say when

you hide behind captain's bars.

I can rectify
that in a minute!

Hold your horses, stubing.

I know I'm not in
a lady's class.

You're not even
in the same school.

I always thought that blondes
were supposed to have more fun.

Yeah, so did I.

Well, what's the problem?

You want to talk about it?

Well, [sigh] You see,
f lix is a scientist.

And he scientifically
figured out that the world

was going to end.

So we decided to live
our lives on that fact.

Um-- we sold all our belongings,
quit our jobs, spent everything

on this cruise, got married.

And now the world didn't end,
and I don't know what to do.

Well, maybe--

I know f lix truly believed
in what he did, and, well,

I believed in him, too.

Well, that's something.

I can't imagine a
more wonderful day

than we had yesterday.

I mean, I was quite
content to spend my final

moments on earth with f lix.

I tell you this,
Julie, I love that man.

And I know he loves me.

Well, then--

I've got to go to him.

He's all I have left.

But Andrea--

oh, now I know
what I have to do.

Thanks, Julie!

Anytime.

Rudolph.

(Laughing) No!

It's me, merrill.

Oh.

Oh, I guess I've
just been stood up.

Perhaps you're
better off, Ellen.

How come I feel so miserable?

He said he was going to
meet me here in the bar.

You know, Dutch boden
has a strong personality.

You might have mistaken
it for something more.

I want to show you something.

He made this for me.

Don't you think that
means something?

It's beautiful.

Caring, sensitive
hands made that.

He is a caring person.

Underneath that
oil-stained exterior

is a very warm, sensitive man.

I'm afraid I misjudged Dutch.

Well, it doesn't matter now.

Obviously his caring
didn't extend to me.

Let's face it-- she's
not going to show.

Karen, maybe
something's come up.

Right.

Something else more
important came up well,

I'm not going to
play her little game.

Karen, I'm sorry I'm late.

You're not sorry.

An emergency
came up, you see--

of course it did.

It always does.

It's true, though.

Your mother was--

you don't have to
apologize for her.

She's had someone doing
that, all her life.

You know, for a moment Tony had
me convinced you really wanted

to get together and be friends.

I do, darling, I do.

No, you don't.

You're still into
playing movie star.

Like now-- the big
entrance, being late,

all the attention
focused on you.

That's what's important to you.

Not me.

[Buzzing and pained cries]

Felix: Oh!

F lix!

Oh, f lix, what are you doing?

I'm getting my tattoo removed.

Oh, but why?

You said you always
dreamed of having one.

Well, I did, but--
but if you hate it,

I don't-- whoa, whoa, whoa!

That is, if you still want me.

Oh, f lix, don't
be ridiculous.

It's a-- a wonderful dragon.

Wait a minute-- your hair.

You're not a blonde anymore!

Well, you didn't like
it, so I changed it back.

Ah.

Well, Andrea, i-- i--

I know that, that,
that, that you

think I'm a failure because
the world didn't end, but--

oh, no, f lix, I don't.

I believed in you.

And I still do.

Actually, I'm kind
of glad that we're

still here, because otherwise
I wouldn't have you anymore.

Well, I feel the same way!

[Laugh] But you realize
we'll have to start

our lives over from scratch.

What could be more romantic--

spending an entire new life
together, from beginning

to end, with the man I love!

[Laugh]

Well, you know what they say--

life is always better
the second time around.

Oh!

W-- w-- watch the dragon.

Oh, [inaudible].

Julie (on pa system):
We hope you enjoyed

your stay in Puerta vallarta.

Our next stop is the
port of Los Angeles.

[Knocking]

Yeah.

Twice in one day, stubing?

Got to be a curse on this ship.

I owe you an apology, Dutch.

You're going to owe me
two, after you get a look

at that crankshaft casing.

What's the other one for?

For interfering
with you and Ellen.

I admit it-- I was out of line.

I didn't think you
were right for her.

I ain't.

Not according to Ellen.

She has some very
strong feelings for you.

But I stuck my nose in
and came between you.

Something else would
have come between us--

me.

All you did was remind me
that this is where I belong--

belowdecks.

Is this the way you
deal with everything?

Hiding down here in the engine
room, like a grizzly bear,

growling at the world?

Stop pushing
your luck, stubing.

You don't push enough!

You stay down here in your
cocoon, because it's safe.

Because you haven't got
the guts to go up there

and deal with the real world.

I was right.

You're not good
enough for Ellen.

I know what you're
trying to do, stubing,

and it's not going to work.

But thanks anyway.

It's a good thing
you and I didn't

tangle before, because I would
have b*at your brains out.

Don't bet on it, Dutch.

I wasn't always a captain.

I can't believe that
you were willing to put

up your Dukes with me.

I'd fight for
anything I believe in.

Good night, chief.

See you, stubing.

Karen?

I don't want to talk.

Just go away.

Doc's here.

He wants to explain
what happened.

(Crossly) What
difference does it make?

Karen, your
mother wasn't lying.

She needed some eye medication.

With only one good
eye, the ocean's glare

was bothering her.

Only one good eye?

Yes, your mother's
blind in her left eye.

No, she's not.

Didn't you know?

It's been that way
for over five years.

Five years?

Five years?

[Interposing voices]

Here you are.

This is my guaranteed
to make you

smile special, Mrs. Kirkeby.

One sip, and the corners
of your mouth turn up--

then fall off.

[Laughter]

I don't believe it.

Oh, my goodness, that's--

Rudolph?

The others: "Rudolph"?

Yeah.

If I hear any one of you using
that name, you're shark bait.

You look lovely, Ellen.

Thank you.

You clean up pretty
well, yourself, Dutch.

Dance?

But there's no music!

There is when I look at you.

(Sighing) Oh!

[Applause]

[Music]

Hi.

Look, I, uh, I
wanted to apologize

for the way I acted, before.

You had every
right to be upset.

Dr. Bricker, he, um, he said
the sun's been bothering you.

Yes, a little.

I'm very sensitive to it.

You know, when
I was a child, i--

I always marveled at how your
eyes sparkled in the movies.

You used to tease me--

said it was from
staring into the lights.

(Laughing) Yes, I remember.

When I had my accident, and
I was alone all those hours,

I needed something to hold onto.

So I used to focus on those
sparkling eyes of yours.

They gave me hope and courage.

Now I find out that
one of them is blind.

Uh-- Karen, i--

mother?

You were the donor, weren't you?

[Exhale] Yes.

Mother, you gave up
your career for me.

Why didn't you ever tell me?

Oh, I couldn't!

I didn't want to buy
your love with gratitude!

I had failed you so often.

I mean, i--

I didn't deserve
your love that way.

Oh, mother, you
always had my love.

I needed to know I had
yours, and now I do!

Oh, mother, can you ever
forgive me for doubting you?

Oh, my darling!

My darling!

We'll forgive each other!

Good-bye, doc, and
thanks for everything.

Ah.

Well, it looks
like you've turned

into a happy little family.

Oh, we certainly have.

That's for sure.

I do have a favor
to ask, though.

Could I have--

an autograph.

How'd you guess?

Oh, a miracle.

[Laughter]

Years of experience, doctor.

But I b*at you to it.

Here.

Oh, thank you!

Oh, it's a family sh*t.

Yes.

It's a small picture, but
it's the best part I ever had.

Thanks for sailing with us.

Doctor, it was wonderful.

Thank you.

Thank you, bye-bye.

Thanks-- bye.

Looks like everything
worked out fine.

Oh, yes.

And, Julie, thank you
so much for helping

me work out my problem.

Oh, it was nothing!

Really.

What are you guys
going to do now?

Well, we realize that it may
seem like we have nothing left,

but we still have each other.

And right now
that's all we need.

Are you sure you
have everything?

Uh, yes, I do.

Even these.

Our job-resignation letters?

I never mailed them.

I figured, if the
world was going to end,

the post office would
probably be closed.

Things are getting
better already.

[Laugh]
- So long.

Bye.

Bye.

Merrill, my dear, dear friend.

When I invited
you on this cruise,

I never thought it
would turn out this way.

[Laugh]

Well, I'm very
happy for you, Ellen.

I know you are.

Well, don't forget it was my
tours below deck that did it.

And because of you we know
that Dutch is a Rudolph.

[Laugh]

See you later, hon?

I hope so.

Some kind of broad, ain't she?

[Laugh]

Don't touch me, Dutch, please.

But I will.

I've got a big kiss for the best
friend anybody could ever have.

Ah.

Both: Mwah!

[Laugh]

Oh!

I forgot-- I said to
Rudolph below deck!

[Laugh]

[Theme music]
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