07x26 - Dreamboat/Gopher, Isaac & the Starlet/The Parents/The Importance of Being Johnny/Julie and the Producer: Part 2

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Love Boat". Aired: September 24, 1977 – May 24, 1986.*
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Set on the luxury passenger cruise ship MS Pacific Princess, and revolves around the ship's captain Merrill and a handful of his crew, with passengers played by guest actors for each episode, having romantic and humorous adventures along the way.
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07x26 - Dreamboat/Gopher, Isaac & the Starlet/The Parents/The Importance of Being Johnny/Julie and the Producer: Part 2

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♪♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making
another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something
for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard,
it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

♪♪

No, no, no, no.

See, no. No.
Look.

Make -- make your moves
more like this.

One and two,
three, four, five,

six, seven, eight.

Anything you say, darling.

One and two,
three, four, five,

six, seven, eight.
-Look.

Now, with me.
-Okay.

I don't believe it.

That tigress has become
a real pussycat.

Thanks to our favorite
animal trainer.

Now the lift -- up, drop.

Perfect.
Now dance off to wardrobe.

Right away, darling.

Oh, there he is!

Listen, everyone.
I want you all to know

that I have never, ever been
this happy.

And I owe it all to
this wonderful man right here,

Dr. Adam bricker.

-Oh, Faye, please...
-Ah, ah, ah.

Now, Adam, this is my speech.
And I haven't finished yet.

[ Chuckles nervously ]

I have an announcement
to make.

Adam and I
are gonna be married.

Hmm?

Well, off to wardrobe.

Faye. Faye!

-Doc, congratulations!
-That's terrific!

-I think that's great.
-Yes, it is great.

No. No, it's better than great.
It's very good.

Isn't that better?

Look, I'll say. Look.
Think of the publicity on this.

"Star finds seventh heaven
and seventh husband..."

-Uh-huh.
-"...On the dream boat."

-It'll work.
-Ho-- no, hold -- ho--
hold it. Hold it.

E-E-Excuse me.
Now, I'd -- don't get me wrong.

I think that Faye is a terrific
lady and everything...

-Ah!
-...But I never asked
her to marry me.

-What?
-As -- as a matter of fact,

she never asked me
to marry her.

So this whole thing
is -- is -- is very...

No, I'd -- I'd better find her

and just straighten
this whole thing out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.

Uh, look, uh,
we understand how you feel.

Believe me.
We do.

But if you have to turn
her down...

Couldn't you wait
till the movie's over?

-No.
-Yeah.
You see, if Faye gets upset...

-Then she'll be impossible.
-I-Impossible?

More than impossible,
she'll walk.

-And no Faye means...
-No movie.

-And no movie means...
-No job for me!

Oh, please, doc!
Don't tell her yet!

Arnold isn't the only one
whose job is on the line.

If I have to
close down this movie,

that means I'll have to fire
the cameramen...

-Makeup artists.
-The grips.

You see,
these people have families.

Okay, okay, okay.
I guess I can wait.

But just till you've finished
filming.

Thanks, doc.
Thanks.

We'll never forget this.

♪♪

Am I wrong, or do I detect
a little romance building

between
Johnny and Vicki?

-Could be.
-[ Chuckles ]

You know, it's funny.
Beginning of this cruise,

they could hardly
stand each other...

Well, you know
how kids are today.

They move a lot faster
than we did at their age.

I guess.

But, you know, faster
doesn't always mean better.

♪ I am not such a clever one ♪

♪ about the latest fads ♪

♪ I admit I was never one ♪

♪ adored by local lads ♪

♪ not that I ever tried ♪

♪ to be a Saint ♪

♪ I'm the type ♪

♪ that they classified
as quaint ♪

Really?

♪ I'm old-fashioned ♪

♪ I love the moonlight ♪

♪ I love
the old-fashioned things ♪

♪ the sound of rain ♪

♪ upon a windowpane ♪

Right.

♪ The starry song ♪

♪ that April sings ♪

Right.

♪ This year's fancies ♪

♪ are passing fancies ♪

♪ but sighing sighs ♪

♪ holding hands ♪

♪ these my heart
understands ♪

♪ I'm old-fashioned ♪

♪ but I don't mind it ♪

♪ it's how I long to be ♪

♪ as long as you'll agree ♪

♪ to stay old-fashioned
with me ♪

♪♪

Shelley: [ Singing scales ]

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-
la-la-la-la-la-la-la!

Isaac, hurry this up
before somebody comes down here.

[ Humming ]

Are you sure
this is gonna work?

Relax.
Now, I know what I'm doing.

[ Static, warbling ]

And now, from the fabulous
purser's lobby,

overlooking the beautiful,
blue pacific,

we bring you
the scintillating stylings

of the great star of the future
miss shelley rush,

who will ask the musical
question "fine and dandy."

Shelley: ♪ gee,
it's all fine and dandy ♪

♪ sugar candy
when I'm with you ♪

♪ then I only see
the funny side ♪

♪ even trouble
has a sunny side ♪

♪ when you're gone,
sugar candy ♪

[ Electricity crackles ]
Aah!

I think
we've been disconnected.

Buenos tardes, and welcome
to fabulous acapulco.

It's a sunny degrees

and a perfect day to enjoy
all this glamorous seaport

has to offer, from windsurfing
to bargain hunting.

There are plenty
of happy memories

awaiting you in acapulco.

So don't forget your cameras.
Bien tiempo!

-Excuse me, sir?
-Yes?

Is it okay with you if I
go into town this afternoon?

Marty needs some props
for his movie,

and I know
where to find them.

Sure. Go right ahead.
I wish I could go.

-Well, you have my permission.
-[ Chuckles ]

Thank you, sir.

There something else?

Well, if you've got
a minute,

I'd kind of like to talk to you
about something.

Marty?

I noticed you were
becoming fond of him.

I really don't know
what to do.

I'm feeling the same feelings
for Marty I felt for Jack.

It scares me.

Feelings are nothing
to be afraid of, Julie.

They are if you
don't understand them.

I don't know if I'm falling
in love with Marty

or just reliving
my love for Jack.

Give yourself time.

I'm sure
you'll figure it out.

I hope so.

Can I give you
a little friendly advice?

Oh, please.

When you do know how you feel,
act on it.

As I remember, you lost Jack
because you were indecisive.

Well, I'm not going to be
indecisive this time.

Am I?

Thank you.

That's -- that's not enough,
Johnny.

I need anger.

Anger!

Remember, you've run away
from your father

because he doesn't want you
in show business.

And now you think
Faye is double-crossing you

to keep you out
of the show.

You're furious.
Furious!

Do you understand?

Okay.
All right, son.

Let's, uh...
Let's try it again.

Let's have a rehearsal.

And action!

Oh, Tommy.
Listen to me.

I -- I can explain
everything.

Why -- why should I listen
to you?

You've done nothin'
but lie to me.

Just do me a favor --
stay out of my life.

I never want to see you
again.

Okay.
Uh, let's take a short break.

Short break!

Johnny wasn't
very convincing, was he?

Not like he is
when he sings.

Yeah, well, I guess
the difference is

singing comes naturally to him;
Acting doesn't.

Well, maybe
we can change that.

You mind
if I try something?

Oh, my god,
am I in trouble.

[ Sighs ] What
does Bennett want from me?

I'm doin' my best.

Well, if that was your best,
I'd had to see your worst.

You think acting's easy?

Oh, is that what you call
what you were doing?

I never would've guessed.

Since when did you become
a big drama critic, huh?

Oh, come on, Johnny.

I know lousy acting
when I see it.

You can't act
to save your life.

-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah!

-Everybody settle down.
-Settle down, everybody!

All right, everybody.
We're gonna sh**t this one.

Faye?

Roll 'em.

Action!
-Oh, Tommy.

Listen to me.
I can explain everything.

Why should I listen to you?

You've done nothin'
but lie to me.

Do me a favor --
stay out of my life.

I never want to see you
again.

Cut! Print!

[ Murmuring ]

Excellent!
-Johnny, that's just marvelous.

Excellent!

Oh, Johnny,
w-w-where did you find

all this wonderful anger
all of a sudden?

Uh, I don't know.

Or maybe I do.

♪♪

Guys,
you did your best.

I'm sorry our best
wasn't good enough.

You know, Isaac, maybe we
shouldn't have been so tricky.

You're right. When you've got
a great product to sell,

you don't need
deceptive advertising.

This was our fault.

We should've used
the direct approach.

Maybe it's not too late.

Come on, gopher.

I'm a happy man.

Sound like
a happy director.

[ Both chuckle ]

-Evening, gentlemen.
-Whoops!

-No, please, please...
-Please, gentlemen.

We've just come over
to apologize.

Yeah. We have been
a pain in the neck.

And we're very sorry,
really.

Hey, I'm sorry you been
a pain in the neck too.

Yes. And just because
we've been a pain in the neck

doesn't mean
that shelley isn't

the most talented,
beautiful girl on the ship.

And if you guys will just listen
to her, just once...

-Just once.
-Really.

We'll never bother you
again.

Promise.

You know, it's
[Clears throat]

Almost worth it
just for that alone.

Hmm.
Yeah, I see what you mean.

You know, gopher did give us
pretty nice cabins.

-Yeah, and, um...
-Isaac.

Yes, Isaac, uh,
makes a nice Margarita.

-One song.
-All right!

-Hey!
-Okay. Thank you.

-Thank you very much.
-Won't regret it. 'Scuse us.

Shelley,
they want to hear you sing.

-Really?
-Yes, really.

Okay, go get 'em.

And this time,
just keep it simple, okay?

Okay, okay.

Gopher:
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,

you are in for a treat --
miss shelley rush.

[ Piano plays softly ]

♪ Please forgive
this platitude ♪

♪ but I like your attitude ♪

♪ you are just the kind
I had in mind ♪

♪ never could find ♪

♪ honey, I'm so keen on you ♪

♪ I could come to lean on you ♪

♪ honor and obey ♪

♪ give you your way ♪

♪ do what you say ♪

♪ gee, it's all ♪

♪ fine and dandy ♪

♪ sugar candy ♪

♪ when I'm with you ♪

♪ then I only see
the sunny side ♪

♪ even trouble has
its funny side ♪

♪ when you're gone ♪

♪ my sugar candy ♪

♪ I get so lonesome ♪

♪ I get so blue ♪

♪ but when you're handy ♪

♪ it's fine and dandy ♪

♪ but when you're gone ♪

♪ what c-a-a-an i-i-i-i-i

d-o-o-o-o-o-o? ♪

[ Applause ]
-Wonderful!

Where have you been
hiding this girl?

I think we can find a place
for you in "dreamboat,"

don't you, Bennett?
-Find a place?

I've already got one
picked out.

Uh, guys, guys, guys.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.

We got to talk
some terms here.

We got to have our name
above the title.

We got to have a dressing room
with f--

what gopher means is,
uh, thank you very much.

You're welcome.

You know, Angela,
watching a motion picture

actually being made
is a fascinating experience.

Have you ever had any regrets
about giving up your career?

Never.

Oh, well,
that's not quite true.

Any actress who sees
one of her old movies

always thinks she could've
done it a touch better.

And I had to bring up Johnny
by myself.

What happened
to his father?

Oh, he left us
when Johnny was .

We've never heard
from him again.

That's terrible.

You gave up your career
for him?

Well, I didn't give it up
for him.

I -- I gave it up for me
because I adored him.

There is a difference.

Yes.
I suppose there is.

Tell me,
have you adored anyone since?

No.

Do you have
any suggestions?

We hope you enjoyed your stay

in acapulco,
ladies and gentlemen.

Tomorrow, the motion picture
company will be filming

more scenes from its exciting
musical, "dreamboat."

And they again will be using

the ship's passengers
as volunteer extras.

If you want to be in the movie,
now's your chance.

But please,
don't have your agents call us.

[ Knock on door ]
-'Scuse me, darling.

-Of course.
-I'm coming!

I brought you these changes,
miss marsh,

for your, uh, big number
"I'm still in this race."

-Fine.
-I better stay

while you, uh, read it over.
All right?

Hi, doc!
-Arnold.

"And I can do
more than spout,

I may be down
but not out."

Oh, that's much better.
-I think that's good, too.

-Good night, Arnold.
-All right, now, remember --

tomorrow your call is
at : in the morning.

I won't forget.
Good night, Arnold.

Do not forget,
it's : ante meridian.

I have been able to tell time
since the age of .

Good night, Arnold!
-Oh.

All right. Good night.
-[ Groans ]

Remember,
that's :, dear.

You know,
just because I'm a movie star

they all treat me
as if I were a child.

Well, you look like
a grown woman to me.

Well, you realize that, darling.
That's why I adore you.

I am an adult.

And I want to be treated
as such.

Good, because I have
something to tell you.

-Hmm?
-Adult to adult.

Faye, I want you to know
that I --

you must know
that I do care for you.

-Mm.
-But I just feel

that we haven't had
enough time

to really get to know
one another.

-No.
-So, I'm sorry,

but I'm really not ready
to marry you right now.

Right now.
Now.

[ Both laugh ]

I don't think
I heard you right.

Oh, Faye.
You're a sensational woman.

But marriage
at this time...

Nobody
dumps Faye marsh.

Oh, I wouldn't dream
of dumping you, Faye.

I'm just talking
postponement.

Nobody
postpones fay marsh.

-Easy, easy.
[ Glass shatters ]

Hey, now, Faye, that's
your good luggage! Faye!

-Get out!
-Oh! Faye!

Get out of here!

Faye, remember,
you're the one

who wanted to talk
adult-to-adult.

I am gonna bounce this
right off your adult skull!

Here, I don't want to
break up the set!

And I'm through
with that lousy picture!

♪♪

-Marty, hi!
-Julie.

Wait till you see
what I bought today.

This is the first time I ever
went shopping for movie props.

I hope I got
what you wanted.

Yeah, well, you couldn't have
bought more beautiful flowers.

They're artificial.

Oh, uh, it's okay.
I have a cold.

[ Chuckles ]

-Did you get the ring?
-Yes.

I found a really cute
little Mexican souvenir ring.

Perfect.

-That what you wanted?
-Ooh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah,
how 'bout the pillow?

Good, good.
-Okay?

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, this is fine.

Now, you, uh,
you sit right here.

-Okay.
-Okay.

These props
are very important

because they are
for a big scene.

You see,
first the leading man

gives the leading lady
the flowers.

Then he kneels
on this pillow.

And he asks her to marry him
because he loves her very much.

What does she say?

Well, we haven't written
the script that far yet.

Julie,
the answer's up to you.

I want you to be
the leading lady of my life.

Marty,
how can you do this to me?

I say somethin' wrong?
[ Chuckles ]

Well, I'm not prepared
for this.

You send me into town
to buy props for your movie...

-Well, uh, I mean...
-And now you want to go --

this may be a make-believe prop,
this -- this little ring,

but -- but the proposal...

That's real.

I don't know
how this movie ends,

but the middle
is certainly very exciting.

"The love boat" will continue
in a moment.

♪♪

Ladies and gentlemen,

for those of you
who have been inquiring,

there will be no filming today

due to unforeseen
circumstances.

However, we know you'll enjoy
all of our other activities.

Shelley, you finally get
your big break to be in a movie,

and the star quits.

Yeah.

Why couldn't doc
have held off telling Faye

he didn't want to
marry her?

Oh, well,
I wouldn't want the doctor

ruining his whole life just so
I could be in the movies.

Well,
maybe half his life.

We might as well
say goodbye to "the dreamboat."

I'm afraid you're right,
Bennett.

This time it could take Faye
weeks to get out of her mood.

And the budget
can't stand that.

And the ship
isn't available.

We're fully booked
for the season.

And we've run out
of vases.

-Marty, Bennett...
-Angela.

...i think I know how to get
Faye back in the picture.

-How?
-Well [ Laughs ]

Well, it's a rotten thing
to do...
-Well, come on!

But I know her role
and I think it'll work.

Now, merrill,
we're gonna need your help.

Anything for you,
Angela...

And for the movie.
-Good.

Now, here's my plan.

Connect me
with miss marsh's cabin, please.

Faye: Yes?

Hello, miss marsh?
This is captain stubing.

I was wondering
if you might do me the honor

of joining me at the early
seating for dinner tonight.

Oh, well,
thank you, captain,

but I'm planning
to dine alone in my cabin.

Oh, well,
I hate to have you do that.

I was hoping you'd be there
to beautify my table.

Oh, well, now,

how can I turn down
an invitation like that?

Wonderful.
I'll pick you up at :.

Ciao.

Early seating dinner is

now being served
at the coral dining room.

And in the purser's lobby,
the film company

is sh**ting a scene.

Take your pick!

[ Elevator bell dings ]

-Quiet on the set!
[ Indistinct conversations ]

Come on!
Work with me, people!

Bennett: All right, folks.
This is it.

Arnold:
Quiet on the set, please!

Sorry, no one is allowed through
while we're sh**ting.

Come on, I'm sure the last thing
you want to do

is watch them sh**t.
-Well, sh**t what?

What on earth is there to sh**t?
-Roll 'em!

Lights!
Cue the music!

[ Dramatic music plays ]

-Hold it!
-That's my number.

♪ If he thinks he can steal
the ship out from under me ♪

♪ he's got another thing
comin' ♪

♪ before any bum ♪

♪ can steal this from under me ♪

♪ I'm gonna do that bum in ♪

♪ and I can do more than spout ♪

♪ I may be down but not out ♪

♪ I may be bruised ♪

♪ I may be battered ♪

♪ they tell me, "hey, you ♪

♪ you're finished,
you're through" ♪

♪ as if that mattered ♪

♪ well, some dreams are sh*t ♪

♪ and some just shattered ♪

♪ but I'm still in this race ♪

♪ ain't got a cent ♪

♪ or a subway token ♪

♪ my credit ain't great ♪

♪ my financial state ♪

♪ is best unspoken ♪

♪ well, I may be broke ♪

♪ but I ain't broken ♪

♪ I'm still in this race ♪

♪ I've got friends ♪

♪ friend's who'll stick by me ♪

♪ that's more
than some can say ♪

♪ and, friends ♪

♪ I ain't cryin' "why me?" ♪

♪ startin' right here ♪

♪ I'm gettin' in gear ♪

♪ I'm on my way ♪

♪ may land flat on my duff ♪

♪ but I'm no duffer ♪

♪ I know when it's rough ♪

♪ the track may be tough ♪

♪ but I'm much tougher ♪

♪ let others say die ♪

♪ but this is where I begin ♪

♪ 'cause, mister ♪

♪ I'm a pro ♪

♪ I'm an ace ♪

♪ and I ain't settlin'
for second place ♪

♪ I'm still in this race
to w-i-i-i-in ♪

♪ to w-i-i-in ♪

♪ to w-i-i-i-in ♪

♪ to win ♪

[ Music ends ]

Bennett:
Cut and print it!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Beautiful.
That was beautiful.

Darling, oh,
I hope you don't know...

Wonderful!

Angela! Darling!

I not only applaud you
and your performance,

but I also applaud
dear Marty

and darling Bennett
for their cute little act.

F-Faye, darling...
What are you talking about?

Now, any fool can see that
that camera has no film in it

because if it had film in it,
the wheels would be turning.

-Apparently, your wheels
weren't turning either

when you thought up
this ridiculous ploy.

All right, Faye.
All right.

I-I admit it was
a foolish thing to do.

But listen...
-Foolish?

Foolish
is an understatement.

Did you think for a moment
that this cheap, little trick

would have me crawling
back to you

and your film?
-Oh, now, Faye...

Just who do you think
Faye marsh is anyway?

Did you honestly
believe for a moment

that I would be jealous
of some has-been?

[ Murmuring ]
-Faye!

Faye!

Save the routines,
Angela.

I'm sick and tired
of being treated like a child.

Why? That's exactly
what you are,

and a spoiled,
selfish one at that.

Nothing matters to you
except your damned ego.

My ego?
And what about yours?

I think the only reason
you're so upset

is because I called you
a has-been.

I couldn't care less
what you call me.

All I care about is that
there's a whole group of people

in there whose careers
are at your mercy

and one of them
happens to be my son.

[ Sighs ]

Well, my apologies, Faye.

How rude of me
to waste your time

with something as trivial
as other people's lives.

[ Murmuring ]

Angela,
what happened out there?

I'm sorry, Marty.
She makes me so mad.

I just couldn't control
my temper.

Well, I guess this means Faye is
not coming back to the picture.

That's exactly
what it means.

Unless, of course,
you write in a part for Angela.

Well, I mean, anyone
who can give a performance

like that twice in one day
deserves to be a star.

I love you!
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Terrific!
Now, will you trust me?

-I trust you!
-All right!

Ladies and gentlemen, we hope
you've enjoyed your cruise.

The producers of "dreamboat"

would like to thank
the passengers and the crew

for all their help
during the filming

and ask that you watch for
the release date coming soon.

Please have your passports
ready when debarking

and, again,
thanks for sailing with us.

And, captain, Marty
and I truly want to thank

you and your wonderful crew
for all the cooperation

that you gave us in filming
a major part of "dreamboat"

on this fabulous ship.

Well, you're more than welcome.
And, in fact,

we were all so caught up
with the movie, we
hate to see you go.

[ Laughs ]
Well, I tell ya,

we hate to go, too,
'cause it has been fun.

See you Thursday.

-See you Thursday.
-Thursday?

Yes. Oh. Hey, uh, wait.
We forgot to tell ya.

We're sh**ting the finale
at the studio.

We want all of you to be
in it.

Oh, Marty, really?
In the movie.

[ All talking at once ]

We'll see you there.
Let's go. Ciao!

[ Talking continues ]

Vicki: Hollywood!
I'm so excited!

I hope I don't break out
in hives.

Merrill: Here it is, gopher --
the imperial studios.

Gopher: This is it, kids --
the big time.

Julie:
Tinseltown, here we come.

Hey, look who's in that car
up there!

It's Linda Evans!
-Where? Where?

-Mornin', miss Evans.
-Morning, Ron.

I'd know her anywhere.
That's Linda Evans.

No, it is.
It's Linda Evans.

Well, it's not too late for
everybody to change their mind

if they don't want to be
in the movie.
-I don't want to be
in the movie.

I want to leave
a love letter

in Linda Evans' parking space.
-[ Laughs ] I'm captain stubing.

We've been expecting you.
Stage two.

-Thank you.
-Thank you. Stage two.

Linda's way.

Isaac: There's John Forsythe
and Ernest borgnine!

[ All talking at once ]

Hey, I watch you all the time
on "dynasty"!

-They're just people, man.
-Yeah, but...

-How you doin'?
-Hi.

Gopher: Doing a picture
over here.

-Look at that.
-All the equipment.

Gopher:
Very impressive, huh?

Everybody here has lights
and everything, too.

Woman:
Light up your backing.

-This is exactly like our ship.
-Not exactly.

Our ship
has more water around it.

Shelley, if you need anything,
you let us know.

Okay?
You're gonna be just great.

It's a good bit.
And you're gonna be wonderful.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, Isaac!

-Shelley!
-Isaac!

Oh, boy. I can't believe it.
I'm on a real movie set!

Told ya
I'd get ya here, babe.

We told you
we'd get you here.

You okay?

I just don't know
what to tell Marty.

Maybe you
ought to tell him that.

Ignore all the others.
And have that girl's hair done.

Better think of something,
here he comes.

-Hi, everybody.
-Hi, Marty.

Marty:
Vicki, doc, captain...

Well, what do you think?
-It's fabulous.

The ss dreamboat.

Hi, dreamboat.
-Hi.

Uh, would you excuse us
for just a minute?

Come here.

Have you -- have you written

that next momentous line
of dialogue yet?

I know I love you, Marty.
But...

But you don't know
if you love me for myself

or because
I remind you of Jack?

No, it's not that.

-Then what is it?
-It's that.

Maybe I can't make up my mind,

but I can't lie, either.

Well, I've got time.

But would you let me have
your answer

before this movie's
in its th run on television?

[ Chuckles ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]
-Quiet on the set, please!

They're all yours.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I want to thank you, first of
all, for all of your hard work.

To the captain and his crew,
welcome aboard.
-Thank you, Bennett.

And we're about to sh**t
the finale.

Now, every number in the show
has been leading up to this one.

Now, I don't want to make
you nervous,

but, please,
give it all you got.

But most of all, have fun.
Let's make it!

-Places, people!
-All right.

Light it!

Arnold: And roll 'em.

-Action!
[ Dramatic upbeat music plays ]

♪ Welcome to the dreamboat ♪

♪ I am proud to be
the captain of the ship ♪

♪ it's no ordinary schooner ♪

♪ or a steamboat ♪

♪ it's a prize, it's a peach ♪

♪ it's a Pearl, it's a pip ♪

♪ and I say that
'cause it's true ♪

♪ not because they told me to ♪

♪ or because I am
the captain of the ship ♪

♪ welcome to the dreamboat ♪

♪ I'm the most important member
of the crew ♪

♪ as the chief bartender
on the dreamboat ♪

♪ I'm the guy gets ya high
with a highball or two ♪

♪ so if, god forbid, we sink,

well, at least
you've got a drink ♪

♪ I'm the most important member
of the crew ♪

♪ as cruise director,
I organize the fun ♪

♪ as your purser,
I organize the rest ♪

♪ but you're free
to turn your stateroom

into an everyday room ♪

♪ 'cause the fun
that we don't organize

turns out to be the best ♪

♪ I'm the dreamboat medic ♪

♪ and I specialize
in troubles of the heart ♪

♪ as a medic,
I'm very sympathetic ♪

♪ treating missus with kisses ♪

♪ now, that's quite an art ♪

♪ I'm just
the captain's daughter ♪

♪ and you may think
that my clout amounts to zip ♪

♪ but when the daughter
gives an order,

it's an order ♪

♪ when you're the daughter
of the captain of the ship ♪

♪ as captain and crew
of the dreamboat ♪

♪ your pleasure is our reward ♪

♪ so welcome
to the ss dreamboat ♪

♪ welcome ab-o-o-oard ♪♪

[ Music continues ]

♪ Who's got
those deep-as-ocean eyes ♪

♪ that sail me
straight to paradise ♪

♪ my baby, my honey, my sugar ♪

♪ my dreamboat ♪

♪ who takes me
on a thousand trips ♪

♪ with one touch
of those tender lips? ♪

♪ My baby, my honey, my sugar ♪

♪ my dreamboat ♪

♪ one kiss,
and off I am whisked ♪

♪ to some tropical shore ♪

♪ one look at that face ♪

♪ is my passport to places ♪

♪ I've never, ever been before ♪

♪ I'm really sorry
she'll stay at home ♪

♪ but, ooh,
two can play at home ♪

♪ and hey, my baby ♪

♪ she plays it right ♪

♪ I can't wait for the one ♪

♪ that I adore to call ♪

♪ 'cause love land ♪

♪ is our next port of call ♪

♪ when I go sailing off ♪

♪ with my dreamboat ♪

♪ ton-i-i-ight ♪♪

[ Music continues ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Up-tempo music plays,
feet tapping ]

♪ I'm takin' the dreamboat ♪

♪ to have me some fun ♪

♪ no formality, no reality ♪

♪ every gal I'd see
is the gal for me ♪

[ Tapping ]

♪ And then, when it's time to
go, when I've had my fun ♪

♪ I just tell them,
no, the fun's just begun ♪

♪ then I'll sail
that dreamboat ♪

♪ never fail
with that dreamboat ♪

♪ gonna sail
with that dreamboat again ♪

♪ yeah ♪♪

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

♪ Let's do the dreamboat samba ♪

♪ it's a rhythm all but new ♪

♪ what a time we'll have ♪

♪ ay caramba ♪

♪ every move of the ship ♪

♪ puts a sway in your hip ♪

♪ keep your tango,
keep your rumba ♪

♪ no, a cha-cha-cha won't do ♪

♪ 'cause when the moon
is bright ♪

♪ and you hold me tight ♪

♪ and
the rhythm's right ♪

♪ then it's
out of sight ♪

♪ that's in the dreamboat samba,
the dreamboat samba ♪

♪ dreamboat samba with you ♪♪

[ Whimsical music plays ]

Both:
♪ we're dear friends ♪

♪ nothing
can tear us apart ♪

♪ sincere friends ♪

♪ always been there
from the start ♪

♪ two ships
on the sea of life ♪

♪ if I'm in a mess,
I never lose hope ♪

♪ just one s.O.S.,
and she throws me a rope ♪

♪ pals, chums, friends ♪

♪ don't ever lose 'em ♪

♪ each on the other depends ♪

♪ what a twosome ♪

♪ if I hit a rock
and I'm starting to sink ♪

♪ who helps me out? ♪

♪ Let me think ♪

♪ that's why
we're dear friends ♪

♪ So what if we have
the occasional fight? ♪

♪ It's over as soon
as you say that I'm right ♪

♪ that's why
we're dear friends ♪

[ Ting! ]

[ Dramatic upbeat music plays ]

♪ Let's chase those blahs
and blues away ♪

♪ let's pack our bags
and cruise away ♪

♪ let's hope there's a trip on
the ship called the dreamboat ♪

♪ the moment that you step
aboard ♪

♪ you'll find a world
that's unexplored ♪

♪ oh, heaven on earth
is a berth on the dreamboat ♪

♪ each night beneath the light
of a million stars ♪

♪ adrift on the blue,
with romance in view ♪

♪ we'll dance to the music
of soft guitars ♪

♪ and as the dawn
begins to glow ♪

♪ back to our cabin we will go ♪

♪ we'll know the course
we chart, and it's right ♪

[ Indistinct singing ]

♪ As we go sailing off
on our dreamboat ♪

♪ ton-i-i-i-ight ♪

[ Music ends ]

♪♪

[ Light laughter ]

I can't believe
we were actually in a movie!

Acting in front
of a camera...

Next time,
I hope to direct.

You know, those lights
were hotter than I thought.

Any decision?

I don't want to direct.

[ Chuckles softly ]

I still don't know.

It may mean I'm not emotionally
mature enough for marriage.

Or that you're wise enough not
to be pressured into an answer.

[ Horn honks ]

They're waiting.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

One, two, three,
four, five, six.

Wow. I've never seen
so many movie stars in one car!

-♪ What actors ♪
-♪ what troupers ♪

-♪ no boners ♪
-♪ no bloopers ♪

Together: ♪ we sure make
one heck of a team ♪

♪ we really were in the movies ♪

♪ it wasn't a dream ♪
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