08x13 - Paying the Piper/Baby Sister/Help Wanted

[bunniefuu]

[Theme - Jack Jones, "the love
boat theme"]

Theme song: Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love-- life's
sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It's floats back to you.

Love boat-- soon we'll
be making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

[Music playing]

Excuse me.

I'm Arlene cort.

This is my first cruise.

Do I register with you?

Right down to my toes.

Now, I mean do I
check in with you?

What's my cabin?

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, Arlene, your cabin is
on fiesta deck, cabin .

Why, thank you.

Oh, hey, has Billy boy
bodine come aboard yet?

Billy boy bodine?

Now, who's that?

Who's that?

Why, he's just the
greatest thing since Elvis.

Oh yes, other girls have
said exactly the same thing.

Well, y'all can tell them
they don't stand a chance,

because I'm a country
girl, and I know what

country boys are hungry for.

Well, city boys have
appetites too, you know.

Well, that's not what i'm
talking about, you know.

I brought some
secret weapons along.

In that case, I'm afraid i'm
going to have to search you.

Well, if there's any
searching to be done,

I want Billy boy to do it.

They all want Billy boy.

I never should have
sold my guitar.

You're right.

The way you played, you
should have never sold it.

You should have given it away.

[Music playing]

[Screaming]

Ok, Billy boy,
flash those pearlies.

Great.

Thank you.

All right, now, move
along, young ladies.

Crown prince of country
music's got to get his rest.

Leave him alone, pretty ladies.

[Groaning]

Boy, she was right
cute, huh, cappy?

Cute enough, Billy boy.

But she'd probably
just break your heart

like all them others.

Yeah, maybe.

I got a feeling
I'm going to meet

a girl on this cruise who's
going to knock my socks off.

Well, I hope so, Billy boy.

You've been having worse luck
than a Turkey on Thanksgiving.

Hello, captain.

I'm Valerie Frazier,
the interior designer.

And I'm Simon ashford, the
interior designer of the world.

And you know what
shape the world's in.

Welcome aboard.

I'm captain stubing.

This is my daughter, Vicki.

How do you do?

How do you do, Vicki?

Mr. Ashford and
miss frasier are

two of the best in their field.

They're competing for the
assignment for redecorating

all our cabins.

Ah, definitely a cover sh*t.

That's it.

For the ship's paper.
- Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

And you seem very
friendly for people who

are competing for the same job.

Believe me, there
is no competition.

Simon, don't give up already.

You're still good for a laugh.

When you see her work,
you'll know what I mean.

Well, I'm sure this will be
a very spirited competition.

My crew is available if
you should want anything.

Thank you.

Enjoy your cruise.

Be careful, darling.

There's sharks in the ocean.

And sometimes
worms on the deck.

Your cabin is down the
corridor to the right.

Hello.

Hello.

I'm Judy McCoy,
the cruise director.

I don't believe it.

Oh, I really am.

It couldn't be.

Adam bricker.

Buzz mclaine.

Hey--

whiskey and rye, blood in your
eye, delta ro pi till the day

I die.

I think they know each other.

If not, they're hitting it
off pretty well for strangers.

You look great.

So do you.

Judy, I'd like you to meet
the infamous buzz mclaine.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

Buzz and I were fraternity
brothers in college.

Even though he was a lowly
junior when I was a senior,

he was still the second
biggest ladies man on campus.

Oh?

Who was first?

Nice meeting you.

Thank you.

Buzz, it's great to see you.

How's Linda?

We've been divorced
seven years now.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I really am behind the times.

Hi.

I'm Adam bricker.

Hello, Adam.

Adam, this is Jim
Dolan, my cousin.

Jim, nice to meet you.

Well, that's great, buzz.

That makes you buzz 'n cousin.

Adam was also the
corniest man on campus.

Look, just as soon
as you gets settled,

we're going to let
the good times roll.

- All right.
- Just like the old days.

Sounds great.

Cousins?

Welcome to the family.

[Foghorn]

[Cheering]

[Music playing]

Oh, [inaudible].

Oh.

[Music playing]

Howdy.

Hi.

Howdy.

If that's your secret
w*apon, I don't think

Billy boy stands a chance.

Thank you.

But you haven't seen
my secret weapons yet.

I don't need to.

I surrender already.

Stop.

See you later.

So long.

Hi.

Well, hi.

My name's Arlene.

I have something for you.

Don't tell me.

You've written a song, and
you want me to record it.

Nope.

What I've got for
you is so good,

you're going to be wanting
to write a song about it--

homemade watermelon rind pickle.

You're kidding.

And homemade muscadine jelly.

Boy, you sure know the
way to a man's heart.

Mmm.

Sit down here, little lady.

You've got some
[Inaudible] to do.

[Music playing]

Hi, miss frasier.

Enjoying the sun?

I'm an interior designer.

I despise the sun.

Where's the cabin i'm
going to decorate?

Oh, let's see.

You'll be redoing cabin
on the aloha deck.

Mr. Ashford is working on
right across the passageway.

He's that close?

I'll have to watch out for
landmines in the passageway.

When you're competing
with Simon ashford,

you have to be prepared
for everything.

Hm, he didn't seem
like that type of man.

Oh, you don't know him.

I mean, there's nothing
he won't stoop to.

Listen, Judy, do you think
you could give me a hand?

Oh, of course.

What can I do?

Find out what's in
ashford's cartons.

You want me to spy?

Spy is an ugly word,
but an accurate one.

Well, I'm afraid
I can't do that.

It seems so underhanded.

Seems underhanded?

Don't be ridiculous.

It is underhanded.

Sorry.

You'd think they put in
air conditioning out here.

Have a good day.

Bye.

[Music playing]

Hi.

Oh, hi.

How are you?

Enjoying the scenery?

Oh yeah.

Not bad.

Wait till you see what I've
got lined up for us tonight--

two real knockouts.

Adam, you didn't have to
go through that trouble.

Hey, no trouble, my friend.

This will be like the old days,
or shall I say the old nights?

Sounds good.

Oh, by the way, Jim,
I told gopher to keep

an eye out for a date for you.

Well, thank you, Adam.

I think I'll need all
the help I can get.

See you later.

So long, Adam.

I hope gopher knows my type.

Mr. Ashford, this is
my first time sh**ting

an interior designer in action.

Well, just stay in focus.

It could mean a layout in
a trade magazine for you.

Oh.

Well, that's odd.

I don't remember ordering
a shipment this big.

You want some help
opening the cartons?

Later.

I consider it good luck to
open the first one myself.

Gads.

What is that?

A lamp, I think.

It's interesting.

Interesting?

It's atrocious.

I didn't order that.

That looks like
something from the best

little you-know-what in Texas.

Well, maybe your
shipment got mixed up.

Yeah, or sabotaged.

What?

Looks like Valerie's up
to her old tricks again.

Oh, that mata hari.

That-- that jezebel.

That-- that Bonnie
without a Clyde.

Sneaky she-snake in the grass.

Listen, I'll--

I'll let you unpack.

Enjoy yourself.

[Music playing]

(Singing) Muscadine vines
and watermelon rinds--

that's what pretty
girls are made of.

Billy boy, that
pretty little girl

has not only affected your mind,
she's affected your talent.

Come on, cappy.

Sit down, have a
pickle, and relax.

How can I relax?

You know how long
it's been since you

had a song in the top ?

Hey, don't worry about it.

I'm going to write
me one on this trip.

(Singing) Arlene,
Arlene, Arlene.

Gopher (on loudspeaker):
Ladies and gentlemen,

please join us now for dinner
in our coral dining room,

where we're proud to
recommend our chef's

special-- flaming shish kabob.

[Gasping]

According to Adam, buzz,
you two were the college

casanovas of your day.

He was my protege.

Doc said you two really
had some wild times together.

We've listened
to doc's version.

Let's hear the truth.

Well, that was
a long time ago.

Test your memory.

Remember that semester
we dated only twins?

Don't remind me.

Why only twins?

Well, it was purely a
psychological experiment

to study sibling revelry--

sibling rivalry.

We double dated and took
out every set of twins

within a -mile radius.

Well, it was in
the name of science.

Yes, and as I recall,
it was the only science

class you ever got an a in.

Doc and buzz certainly
seem to have a good time.

Yeah.

You must come from the
quiet side of the family.

You don't talk much.

Well, you know what they say--

you have to watch out
for us quiet ones.

Well, I sure am lucky.

It's not every girl on this
ship that has two handsome men

to have dinner with.

True enough.

But the handsomest has got to
go make some telephone calls.

Now, you two enjoy yourself.

Thank you, cappy.

We will.

Bye-bye.

Oh, miss Arlene.

Now, you be sure and
leave Billy boy some time

to write some songs, yeah?

I don't think cappy likes me.

Well, don't mind him.

I'll like you enough
for the both of us.

Now, is that you talking,
or the pickles and the jelly?

It's me.

Talk some more.

I like it.

I better watch it.

I kind of rush things sometimes.

I'm not about
to slow you down.

[Music playing]

Mind if I join you?

Yes, I do.

But sit anyway.

Oh, val, I miss
that gentle wit.

Shall we Bury the hatchet?

Do you mean it?

Well, we were close once
in every sense of the word.

Yes, we were.

But you were insufferable.

Granted.

And you were stubborn.

True.

But we did have our moments.

Would you care to relive
some of those stubborn,

insufferable moments later?

We used to dance
pretty well together.

Yes, we did.

I'd like that.

Good.

Maybe you do have
some taste, after all.

To taste.

[Music playing]

Hey, cappy, where's Billy boy?

Oh, I asked him to
autograph some of his pictures

so that I could talk to
you alone for a minute.

All I can tell you is that I
got the feeling Billy boy has

taken a strong liking to me.

Well, the
stronger, the better.

It's working out just
how you planned it.

Yes sirree, Bob.

Now that you got him
hooked, I want you

to break his little old heart.

Oh, what are
you talking about?

You said you were bringing
me here to make him happy.

Right.

You've got him sky high.

Now I want you to knock the
pins out from under him.

I want you to make him unhappy.

But why?

I don't get it.

It's for his own good.

Look, darling.

Some songwriters can't write
good songs if they're happy.

They got to be miserable.

The best songs Billy
boy ever wrote,

he wrote right after some
little gal broke his heart.

And you provided the gal?

Just doing what I could
to help his singing career.

Just like you're doing this
to help your singing career.

You are rotten, cappy.

You know it?

Now, is that any
way to talk to the man

who is trying to get you
a spot on the next Kenny

Rogers special?

Me on a Kenny Rogers special?

Are you kidding?

All you gotta do is
break Billy boy's heart.

Oh, but how?

You'll find a way.

[Music playing]?

[Chatter]

Well, if you two
will excuse me,

I'll be dropping by the
cabins tomorrow to see

how the decorating is coming.

Oh, fine, captain.

Mr. Ashford should be here soon.

I'll tell him.

Thank you.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

I wonder where Simon is.

He was supposed to meet
me here half an hour ago.

Oh, well, i'm
sure he'll be here.

I'm so glad that you two
are getting friendlier.

So am I.

And I know Judy hated spying.

Who asked her to spy?

Oh, that's right.

I did.

And Mr. Ashford wanted ace
to get the key to your cabin.

Why, that dirty
double-crosser.

Oh.

What did I tell you?

Can this guy dance?

He's got gifted feet.

What Adam wants
me to say is that he

taught me everything I know.

Yeah, it wasn't easy.

He kept wanting to lead.

Oh, doc and your cousin are
really enjoying themselves.

Yeah, well, once
fraternity brothers,

always fraternity brothers.

Right.

Guess, you better
take a backseat.

Brothers are closer
than cousins.

Yeah, looks that
way, doesn't it?

[Applause]

What do you say we show
these ladies the origin of what

they now call boogieing?

Maybe later.

What I need right now is a drink
and some rest, not necessarily

in that order.

All right.

[Inaudible]

Oh, all right.

[Music playing]

Hello, cousin.

I'm beginning to feel
like your long lost cousin.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I forgot my key.

That's all right, sir.

Thank you.

This should take
care of your trouble.

Thank you--

but it won't
take care of yours.

This isn't his cabin.

It's mine.

Oh, I'm very sorry.

Well, one cabin
looks like another.

Here, sir.

Thank you.

Oh, val.

Old habits are hard to break.

But old necks aren't.

What happened to all that
romantic talk at dinner?

It's still available if
you're still interested.

I am.

I'll get a wrap and meet
you on the promenade deck.

I'll be the one wearing a
look of eager anticipation.

[Music playing]

Arlene, do you remember me
telling you that sometimes I

kind of rush things?

I remember.

And you said it was all right.

I know I did, Billy boy, but,
well, I've been thinking maybe

you shouldn't rush things.

Well, I can't help it.

When I love someone,
I got to tell 'em.

And I love you.

I'm sorry, Billy boy.

I'm already in love
with bubba baker.

Bubba baker?

He's a boy from home.

And we've been sweethearts
since third grade.

I guess you remind me of him so
much that I thought for a while

I could love you too.

Yeah, well, maybe
you do, Arlene.

Or you could learn to.

Arlene, I can give you
everything in the world.

Well, that's the
trouble, Billy boy.

You have everything.

All bubba's got is me.

You're the noblest
girl I ever met.

That bubba baker's
a right lucky man.

I could give cappy
rotten lessons.

[Music playing]

Just as I figured.

Trying to steal my ideas.

That would come under
the heading of petty theft.

What happened to
recapturing our old romance?

That went out
the porthole when

you try to sneak into my cabin.

I just did that so I
could see what you were

planning to do and save you.

You could commit designer
su1c1de with your bad taste.

My bad taste?

Good, we agree.

You egotistical charlatan.

You haven't had a new
idea since I left you.

Incompetent.

Fraud.

Oh, so we continue the battle.

Forget the battle.

This is all out w*r.

I had a very nice time, Jim.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

Buzz has been so busy with
Adam, I thought I'd have

to spend the evening by myself.

Well, it's part
of my job to see

that passengers make friends.

Of course, the really
nice passengers

I make friends with myself.

Well, I had better
be turning in.

Some of us have
to work tomorrow.

Well, I'm glad
I'm not one of them.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Jim.

I didn't expect
to see you so soon.

Well, I sort of cut
the evening short.

Does that mean you told Adam?

No.

I tried.

Really, I tried.

Every time I'd try, there
he was with another Martini,

another story
about the old days.

Buzz, I know you're
in a ticklish spot.

And I know you're upset.

I know that.

But don't you see?

It's easier for you.

Your generation
understands these things.

Adam and I are from
the old school,

and I think Adam is
still back there.

Well, I hope I
don't have to look

forward to an entire
cruise watching you

and Adam chase women.

[Music playing]

Hey.

Is this the new queen
of country music

that's going to be on the
next Kenny Rogers special?

Where-- where's your smile?

Where's Billy boy?

Just where he ought to be--

singing at the top of his
broke heart in his cabin.

I feel awful.

Why?

You've done him a favor.

This may be his best song yet.

See, the worse his heart is
broke, the better he sings.

But I feel so guilty.

Cappy, I'm going to see him.

Remember, darling, if
you have second thoughts

it's bye bye, Kenny Rogers.

[Music playing]

[Whistles].

I'm afraid you're too
young to see this one.

I think I've already aged
just looking at this one.

Well, Mr. Ashford, I think
I've done all that I can do.

I'll see you later.

Thanks, Vicki.

Keep this under
your hat, will you?

I'll work on it.

This is the first cabin I've
seen that should be x-rated.

What are you going to do now?

I may have a way
to get back at her.

You still believe that
Valerie frasier sabotaged you?

I'll bet my last
bolt of shantung on it.

Oh, I can't believe that
she would stoop to this.

I mean--

don't be naive.

I would have done it to her
if I'd thought of it first.

[Music playing]

Gopher (on loudspeaker):
Ladies and gentlemen,

we will be docking in
beautiful acapulco in one hour.

Tours of this south
of the border paradise

can be arranged in
the purser's lobby.

Mr. Ashford-- just the
man I was looking for.

I'm always in demand, captain.

I'll be dropping in to check
the progress in the cabins.

I assume miss frasier
told you last night.

Oh, yes, yes, yes,
when would that be?

Oh, just before we leave
acapulco this evening.

Oh, that soon?

Well, I'm very interested
to see how it's all coming.

Well, there's no problem.

Good.

You'll tell miss frasier
I'll be by this evening.

Yes, thank you.

Night must fall.

Judy: Oh, I'm sure you can
find what you need acapulco.

I just don't know if i'm
going to have the time.

The captain wants to see
our cabin sometime today.

Hi, Simon.

You look pretty relaxed.

I hope you're as calm
when the captain inspects

our handiwork tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow morning!

Oh, that's fantastic.

That'll give us time
to go into acapulco.

Oh, right, and I
know just the shops

where we can find those extra
little Mexican touches you

wanted.

Oh, terrific.

Can I pick you up anything?

Yes, as long as you're
wearing a blindfold.

I know you're taste.

Oh, come on.

(Singing) Oh, my--

oh, my-- oh, my, my,
I'm going to die.

Bring on the whiskey.

Bring on the wine.

A cucumber's no pickle
if it dies on the vine.

Bring on the whiskey.

Bring on the wine.

A cucumber's no pickle
if it dies on the vine.

Oh, bring on--

what's the matter, Arlene?

I've made Billy boy unhappy.

Well, it looks like
he did a pretty good

job of making you unhappy too.

Billy boy: (Singing)
A cucumber's no

pickle if it dies on the vine.

But not that unhappy.

Ok, I'll tell you what.

We'll take a little walk.

You tell us about it.

It's going to have to
be an awful long walk.

Well, walking and
talking is our long suit.

Billy boy: (Singing)
--Of my mind.

Gopher (on loudspeaker): Buenos
dias, ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to sunny acapulco,
the heartbeat of amigo country.

Thrill to the daredevil
divers on la quebrada

cliffs or meditate on
the brilliant sunset

at pie De la cuesta beach.

Whatever you do, acapulco
will make it magic.

[Music playing]

Jim, I spoke to Adam
this morning at breakfast.

I told him I want to
talk to him later.

Buzz, look.

I've been thinking.

I could understand
how you feel and how

uncomfortable it's making you.

Why don't you just
play his little game?

The cruise would be over
with before you know it.

I don't know.

You don't have to
tell him anything.

You've known Adam
for a long time.

And maybe old friends are better
left just that-- old friends.

I hate to admit it.

It would make
things a lot easier.

Thanks for being
so understanding.

Hey, that's what
cousins are for.

[Music playing]

Hmm, I thought
something strange

was going on when you decided
not to go into acapulco.

Strange?

It's right out of
"believe it or not."

Why did Simon change
the signs on the cabins?

Because he knows that
I'm better than he is.

Oh, you did a lovely job.

Thanks.

You know, know
one's even going

to miss those little things
you didn't pick up in town.

Oh, do you want me to help
you switch the signs back?

No.

No?

No.

Mr. Ashford wants
to make this cabin

look like he decorated it.

Well, let him have it.

Just find me a couple of
real husky stewards fast.

Stewards?

Then I have to go
into town for a bit.

I'm planning a surprise
party for Simon ashford.

Come on, Judy.

[Music playing]

I think I really
do love Billy boy.

Oh, I don't want to hurt him.

But all my life, I've dreamed
about making it as a singer.

I've got the talent.

I knew you had something
first time I saw you.

All I need is
cappy's connections.

He could make me
another Dolly Parton.

Well, not physically, but
I could be as big as her

in other things.

And my folks-- they'd
be so proud of me

if I was a big success.

I'm sure your folks would
be even prouder of you

if you did the right thing.

Speaking of the right thing,
here comes the wrong thing.

- Which makes us the gone thing.
- Hey, fellas.

Hi.

Little lady, I take
my hat off to you.

You have done it.

Yes, sir, you have done it.

Don't remind me.

No, I mean it.

Billy boy is going to
remember you long after he's

forgot them other girls.

Really?

Really.

Billy boy's going to love you.

Well, tell me.

Sugar, when other
girls broke his heart,

Billy boy just wrote one song.

You, however, have
broke his heart

so bad he's wrote two songs.

That's awful.

Ain't it though.

You know what he's
calling the second song?

"How can you be
so mean, Arlene."

We make a great
team, little lady.

This calls for celebration.

I'm going to get me a drink.

Here.

Have mine.

[Music playing]

I'm very anxious to see
your work, Mr. Ashford.

Oh, I'm sure you'll be
more than, satisfied captain.

[Music playing]

I hope I didn't rush you by
my wanting to see your cabin.

Not at all.

Perhaps I do need
a little more time.

You see, you see, you
were right, captain.

There's no time like
the present, Simon.

I agree.

I'm sure it will look wonderful.

Excuse me.

[Music playing]

Bed on the floor--

what's the meaning of this?

Well, it must be a mistake.

I don't understand it myself.

Oh, don't be modest, Simon.

Mr. Ashford's style of
decorating is basic simplicity.

But there's no
dresser, no drawers.

Where are the passengers
supposed to put their things?

Well, they can always
hang them from the pinatas.

I don't understand this.

I'm shocked, Mr. Ashford.

I totally agree, captain.

I'm sure there's no reason to
even look at the other cabin.

I mean, Mr. Ashford has
obviously lost the competition.

Ordinarily, I'd agree.

But after seeing this, I think
I better take a look anyway.

[Music playing]

Judy (on loudspeaker): Ladies
and gentlemen, we hope you've

enjoyed your day in acapulco.

Now enjoy delicious
food, great music,

and a romantic evening under the
stars as we set sail for home.

That was great tennis today.

You really had your
backhand going.

I never saw you play better.

You had me running
all over the court.

Ok, buzz, what's bothering you?

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

Well, you could
have fooled me.

Come on.

Talk to me.

I feel like a
coward, ashamed that I

haven't told Adam about us.

I thought we'd
settled all that.

You know, I wish
you'd just forget it.

I can't.

Today I enjoyed one of
the best days of my life.

Yeah, me too.

Well, I can't tell
anyone about it.

I can't tell anyone
it was a great day

because I spent it with you.

Well, maybe it's that
just you and I know it.

Not if I have to
go on pretending

and deceiving people,
especially an old friend.

I'm going to talk
to Adam, and I'm going

to explain everything to him.

Buzz, you don't have
to do that for me.

I know that.

I have to do it for me.

[Music playing]

I'm sure you both
understand that I can't

recommend either of your
redecorating efforts

to the cruise line.

Yes, I'm afraid so.

But there were
extenuating circumstances--

something I did that
I'm not proud of.

And I was a bit
underhanded myself.

I'm sorry.

I can only judge what I saw.

And what I saw was--

deplorable.

Disgraceful.

Good choice of words.

And as the captain of this ship,
I am going to make a decision.

I always liked those cabins
exactly the way they were.

[Music playing]

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the truth.

To get you to write
songs, cappy bribes

girls to break your heart.

I broke it to be on
a Kenny Rogers show.

No.

He couldn't do that.

I'm sorry.

Billy boy, now whatever
she told you, it's all a lie.

Well, you can either believe
him, or you can believe me.

Billy boy, I just
did it for your career.

Oh yeah?

Well, maybe it's time I started
doing something for my career.

You're fired.

Fired?

Dr. Bricker: Hey, buzz.

Hi.

Dr. Bricker: How are you doing?

You got that minute?

Yeah, sure.

You want to sit?

Stand?

Well, what's on your mind?

Adam, ever since I came aboard
ship, I've been deceiving you.

What?

What are you talking about?

After Linda and
I were divorced,

I found out something about
myself that's changed my life.

Yeah, I'm listening.

This is difficult.

B-- buzz, how
could it be difficult

for you to tell me anything?

We've been friends for years.

I know.

That's why it's difficult.
Jim isn't my cousin.

Adam, I'm h*m*.

[Music playing]

Now this--

I don't know what to say.

You don't have
to say anything.

Just wanted you to know.

[Music playing]

I don't believe you, val.

I expected more of you.

That's why I put my
name on your door.

Well, this raunchy rumpus room
that you decorated in my name

isn't exactly what
I would call class.

You brought it on yourself.

You sabotaged my shipment.

No, I didn't.

You mean this junk here
that was shipped to me

wasn't your doing?

I didn't have
anything to do with it.

Then they really did
ship me the wrong order?

Oh.

Oh, val.

You know that I really have
always admired your taste.

It's almost on a par with mine.

It's better.

I'll admit to equal.

There were a few
moments last night

that were like the old days
when we worked together.

It was kind of
nice, wasn't it?

Perhaps we should consider
resuming our relationship

on a partnership level.

On a personal level too?

In the language of our
trade I'm suggesting a melding

of elegance and sophistication.

With an acceptable
balance of personalities

assembled in an eclectic
fashion that achieves

a full density of feeling.

Leading to a peaceful ambience
and a cohesive sense of worth.

And love.

Oh, the sweetest
word in any language.

[Music playing]

Arlene?

Billy boy, I want you
to know how sorry I am.

I made a mess of everything.

No, I didn't come
here for an apology.

I came to tell you something.

You are the nicest
girl I ever met.

Don't you mean the rottenest?

No.

If you really were rotten, then
why did you blow your chances

with cappy just to help me?

Maybe because I'm crazy.

Maybe because there
ain't no bubba baker.

And maybe because I
really do love you.

[Music playing]

Oowee.

From now on I'm only
writing happy songs.

I already got me a title.

"Broken heart surgery--

love won't bypass me again."

[Music playing]

Buzz.

About what you told me before--

it's all right, Adam.

I didn't really expect
you to understand.

Well, you're right.

I don't understand.

I don't understand that
after knowing each other all

these years you didn't
trust our friendship enough

to tell me from the start.

But Adam, I came--

and you let me make a
complete idiot of myself

for the entire cruise.

When I think of all
the stupid things

I've been doing and saying.

I guess times have really
changed a lot since we were

back at the old frat house.

You can say that again.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I didn't
give you credit enough

for changing with the times.

You do understand.

Of course I understand
that you found yourself,

and you're happy.

It doesn't make any
difference to our friendship?

Not in the slightest.

Really?

What am I saying?

It does make a
difference, but we all

have to do what's right for
us, so long as it doesn't hurt

anybody else, even
though it might make

a difference to some people.

How much of a difference
does it make to you?

Well, it changes some things.

But most important,
we're still friends.

That's what's important to me.

Frat brothers forever, huh?

Frat brothers forever.

[Music playing]

- Judy.
- Ace.

Hi

oh, well, well.

You two caused quite a bit
of excitement on this trip.

We caused quite a bit
for ourselves last night.

I bet you're
world beaters when

you really try to decorate.

We'll find out soon.

We're back together again,
in every sense of the word.

Oh, I took some
pictures of the model

cabins you did decorate.

What did you do
with the pictures?

I b*rned them.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Come with us again.
- Bye-bye.

- Thank you.
- Bye-bye.

- Goodbye.
- Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.
Hope you enjoyed your cruise.

Oh, we did.

Goodbye, Adam.

I can see why you were
buzz's best friend in college.

Thanks, Jim.

It was really nice meeting you.

It was great seeing you, Adam.

I'm just glad that this cruise
hasn't changed our friendship.

Oh, but it has.

Before, our friendship
was based on remembering.

Now it's based on
understanding too.

All the best, my friend.

You too, Adam.

Captain: Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Thank you for sailing with us.

Well, I really liked
your friend, Adam.

Me too.

It must have been fun seeing
him after all these years.

Yeah.

Has he changed much?

No, not really.

He's still the same
great guy he always was.

Well, Billy boy.

It's an honor to meet the
crown prince of country.

Thank you, Isaac.

Pleasure meeting the crown
prince of bartending.

Well, gopher.

I was going to give you
a great big kiss goodbye.

But I've decided to give
you something even better.

Right here in
front of Billy, well.

Right here in front of me.

Here you go.

Oh boy.

How did you know I was
down to my last pickle?

I told her.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

So long.

So long, Billy boy.

Hey, I see you got a
jar of Arlene's pickles.

She gave me the recipe.

I'm going to make
millions on it.

You know something?

I bet you will.

Count on it, son.

Always remember this-- you
can't keep a bad man down.

[Music playing]

[Theme music]