08x23 - Vicki's Gentleman Caller/Partners to the End/The Perfect Arrangment

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

(Singing) Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest
reward, let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat soon will
be making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

[Music playing]

Ah, welcome aboard, gentleman.

Would you tell him that
he brought too much luggage?

Oh, how many times
you gonna say that?

Once more.

You brought too much luggage.

Would you just worry about
your little bag of wash

and wears?

Uh, do you need
directions to your cabin?

If you could learn to
coordinate your wardrobe,

you would need all that luggage.

Will you listen to him?

A hundred years in the clothing
business, and he tells me

I don't know how to dress.

This is Lou tangle.

I'm his partner, Stan garman.

Better known as Mr. Drip dry.

Well, we always
have a get-acquainted

cocktail party the
first night if you

haven't met anyone by then.

Oh, well, I hope I
don't have to come.

[Laughs] Thank you.

Certainly.

[Clattering]

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Hello.

Hello.

Uh, just take the
elevator one deck down.

Enjoy the cruise.

Thank you.

I think I'm beginning
to enjoy it already.

Well, stop enjoying and just
remember what you're here for.

Yeah.

I still have not decided
which one isn't coming back.

Man: Thank you, miss kearn.

Hello, i'm--

Jennifer kearn.

Oh!

Sir, this is Jennifer kearn.

Any red-blooded TV-watcher
would know that.

Oh, you're ardent
admirer is purser Smith,

and I'm captain stubing.

Welcome aboard, miss kearn.

Oh, please, on this
trip I'm Mrs. Whitlaw.

Um, has my husband arrived yet?

Uh, whitlaw-- whitlaw--

not arrived.

No.

I-- I was watching the
show Wednesday, ok?

It was great, but I was
kind of wondering if--

if I survived the
fiery train wreck.

The fiery train-wreck.

Right.

[Giggles] Well, it's
supposed to be secret, but--

oh, there he is.

Tom!

Tom, over here.

Jennifer.

Oh, you look delicious.

Oh, captain stubing,
uh, purser Smith, this

is my husband, Tom whitlaw.

Oh, I'm delighted
to see you in person.

How do you do?

You know, your--

your program is one of my
favorite discussion shows

with fascinating guests.

Thank you.

We try to stimulate.

Hold it.

Got to get a
picture of america's

favorite bi-coastal couple.

Come on, big smiles.

Great.

Thank you.

So I guess it's, uh, tough
living , miles apart, hm?

Well, believe
me, it isn't easy.

But with me in New York
and Jennifer in Hollywood

we haven't been together
for more than a day

at a time in our six
months of marriage.

Well, now we can
change all that for you.

Yes.

A whole cruise to
be alone together.

Like a normal married couple.

Enjoy the cruise.

Vicki: I'll talk to the maitre
d and see what I can do.

Enjoy your cruise.

Have a good time.

Bye bye.

May I help you?

I-- I'm sorry.

I-- I didn't mean to stare.

It's just that you're
such a lovely young lady.

Oh, thank you.

I hope I didn't embarrass you.

Well, I'm sure
you can embarrass

her like that any time.

My name is Mark silverton.

Welcome aboard.

I'm Judy McCoy.

Vicki stubing.

Nice to meet you.

That promenade
deck, cabin .

Thank you.

Thank you.

Earth to Vicki.

Earth to Vicki.

[Giggling]

[Horn sounding]

[Music playing]

Want a little exercise?

Well, that depends.

What did you have in mind?

A race back to the cabin?

No.

Jogging.

Ugh--

I never miss a day.

I hate jogging.

But, if that's what you
want, you've got it.

Ok.

Ok.

Twice around the deck and
then back to the cabin.

Ok.

That's what makes a good
marriage-- compromise.

I don't believe it.

You brought towels.

I mean, people on vacation don't
bring towels, they take 'em.

I like my own towels.

I know who used them last.

Oh, you're worried
about a few germs,

are you, while back home
the Schultz brothers are

waiting to rearrange our faces?

How did I ever let you
talk me into borrowing

from loan sharks?

How else were we
gonna meet the payroll?

Every bank in the
city turned us down.

Hmm.

Well, maybe you're right.

A clothing business.

One little mistake and
you're down the drain.

I would say one big mistake.

Well, we only
missed it by a year.

You missed by one year.

Maybe we'd could erase--

hold it!

We have been over this
until I am blue in the face.

Now, listen.

I know those loan
sharks, and you

and I are going to
be wearing cement

shoes if we don't pay them.

And the only way that we can pay
them is for one of us to die.

Pretend to die.

Ok, ok.

To pretend to die.

And then go live
in South America.

[Shushing angrily] Hush!

Do you want somebody to hear us?

We'll get arrested.

Hey, guys.

Oh!

[Nervous chuckles]

Los Angeles Olympics .

[Laughs] That's very funny.

Oh yes?

Well, you wouldn't think
it was so funny if you had

a whole warehouse full of them.

[Laughs] Listen,
let me get a picture.

[Shutter snaps]

Ok, you can come out now.

Why hide such pretty faces, huh?

Will you just relax?

Everything's going to be fine.

(Voice cracking) How
can everything be fine?

Nothing is gonna be fine!

It can't be fine if one of
us has to pretend to die

and go off to South America.

Nothing is gonna be fine!

And what makes you think
the insurance company's

gonna pat off so fast?

They have no choice--

shh!

If you are lost at sea.

All right.

We're gonna have to
just draw straws.

The short straw dies.

[Snorting]

[Laughs]

Come on, come on, come on.

Think about the bright side.

Other people who die
do not hang around

to spend their own insurance.

I hope your nose blisters.

Hi, Mr. Silverton.

Vicki.

I just came by to see how
you were enjoying the cruise.

Fine.

Just fine, thank you.

Oh, good.

There's one thing though.

I'd have an even better
time if you'd call me Mark.

Ok, Mark.

Actually, I lied.

Your name's not Mark?

I meant about enjoying myself

oh, you're not
having a good time?

It's no one's fault. You see,
I've sort of been in seclusion

for a while and my
friends suggested

I should try to be around
people more, so here I am.

But I'm just a little rusty when
it comes to having a good time.

Listen.

Do you like shuffleboard?

I've never tried it.

Well, it's about
time you learn.

And don't worry--
I'll go easy on you.

Ok.

You've got yourself a game.

And loser buys dinner.

The dinner on
the cruise is free.

I know.

That makes it easy
to be a good loser.

Come on.

Vicki.

Oh, hi Judy.

Oh, listen.

If my father comes
looking for me,

tell him I'm playing
shuffleboard with Mark.

Oh.

So it's "Mark" now, huh?

Uh-huh.

Hello is this seat taken?

[Laughs] I hope so.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

I'm Lou tangle.

I saw you at the boarding.

Hello.

Harriet Walters, and I remember.

[Sighs] Are you,
uh, traveling alone?

Oh, I'm with my partner.

I'm in men's clothing.

Ah.

[Laughs] I certainly
hope so, otherwise i'd

be very embarrassed.

[Laughs] That's very funny.

Well, thank you for saving
me a seat, Mr. Tangle.

This is my
partner, Stan garman.

And, as you can
tell by his voice,

he has a very
pleasant personality.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Would you excuse us?

My partner and I have a
date to play gin rummy.

- I want to play gin rummy.
- Yes you do.

No, I do not want to play.

Yes, you do.

Lou, it's all right.

I really do have a few
cards I'd like to get off.

Well, maybe-- maybe we
can have a drink later.

Oh, I'd like that very much.

Why don't you give me a buzz?

Fiesta cabin .

Cheers.

Cheers.

Are you crazy?

The last thing we need right
now is for some hot-to-trot lady

to start singing torch songs
to the insurance investigator.

You're dying tomorrow, remember?

Oh yeah, I forgot.

Well, I'll keep reminding you.

She's very nice.

Fine.

I'll make sure that she gets
a copy of your obituary.

Oh, shut up and deal.

Jennifer: I'm sorry, honey.

I should never have
made you come jogging.

Don't you ever run?

Only to catch a cab.

[Laughs] The trouble with
all this fresh air is it

makes you tired.

You should put something in it.

Well, I have just the
thing to perk you up.

Ta-da.

I've never seen you
wear glasses before.

Well I just started.

Oh.

Just to put on
makeup and stuff.

You actually read all those
books you discuss on your show?

Every single one.

Makes me wish I interviewed
more cartoonists.

[Chuckles]

Aw, I'll finish later.
- Oh, no.

Finish it now.

We have all the
time that we want.

Besides, seeing you
like this really

makes me feel like a wife.

And I'll just make myself all
comfy while my big, strong

husband finishes
all the work that he

brought home from the office.

[Sighs]

Ta-da.

I guess I'll just hold this
pose until you wake up.

Oh, good.

Dad, I find you.

Listen.
- Mm-hmm?

Do you think it'd be all right
if I had dinner with a friend

tonight?

And before you ask,
his name is Mark.

Why don't you have him
join us at my table?

Thanks-- but dad--

I know, I know.

At your age I wouldn't want my
father tagging along on a date

either.

Oh, thank you.

I knew you'd understand.

[Kisses]

Bye.

Bye.

Seems that Vicki has
met a nice, young man--

someone named Mark.

Oh, Mark.

Have you met him?

Oh-- yes.

And?

He's very nice--

and mature.

Intercom: Ladies and gentlemen,
a truly spectacular dinner

awaits you in the
coral dining room.

Bon apetit.

[Oohing]

[Applause]

So, what would you
like for your last meal?

Uh-uh.

You better wave back
before she comes over here.

I invited them to dinner.

You what?

Now, just calm down.

You'll like her.

She's a lot of fun.

I didn't come here for fun.

I came here for your funeral.

Isn't your friend going
to join us for dinner?

He prefers to dine alone.

He has very strange
eating habits.

Oh.

Shall we be a little
naughty and start

off with some champagne?

Ohh, the naughtier the better.

[Laughs]

This is the first
leisurely dinner

we've had in a long time.

It could have been
much more leisurely

if we'd had it at the cabin.

Why sir, you're
makin' me blush.

[Shutter clicks]

Great sh*t.

We'll need two copies.

You got it.

You know, I just talked to
somebody I think might make

a terrific guest on your show.

I'm on vacation, ace.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I understand.

But it might be
somebody important.

Who is it?

Dr. Zebor.

That is someone important.

Where?

Right up there.

Well, don't stare.

Go over and introduce yourself.

I can do it later.

Honey, it's ok.

No, I really shouldn't.

Our time together is
much more important.

But if you insist.

[Giggles]

Excuse me.

Sure.

Dr. Zebor--

oh, it's a lady doctor.

A sex therapist.

Well, I hope he
doesn't fall asleep

while he's talking to her.

[Laughs]

Why are you looking
at me like that?

I'm sorry.

It's just that you
remind me of someone.

Well, is that good or bad?

Good.

Very good.

Oh, well, I'm glad.

Vicki's supposed
to be having dinner

with some young man tonight.

Has anyone seen them?

Oh, there she is.

Well, he can't be her date.

That man is twice her age.

Oh, I don't think he is, sir.

No?

Probably more.

[Jazzy music playing]

I'll say one thing, Mr.
garman, you don't miss a dance.

You've watched every one.

[Laughs]

Mr. Garman, why don't
you give it a try?

Yeah.

Your partner seems to be
having the time of his life.

Hmm?

Yeah.

What's left of it.

[Applause]

She is some terrific dancer.

She is wearing me out.

[Laughs]

You were worn out years ago.

Oh, stop it.

I think he's cute.

And she's got good taste, too.

Oh gee, excuse me.

I think I'd better
go powder my nose.

Hmm.

She could be gone for hours.

Now, just stop that.

Cut it out.

I really like her.

Ok.

I'm sorry.

But just you remember
those loan sharks.

You'll have a hard time
dancing without kneecaps.

All right.

All right, partner.

I'm going through with it.

But if this is my last
night as Lou tangle,

I am going out in style.

(Angrily) Do all
your interviews take as

long as the one with Dr. Zebor?

Jennifer--

then again, sex is
a fascinating subject.

I said I was sorry.

Besides, talking about
sex isn't as much fun.

Well, I wouldn't know.

So far on this cruise we
haven't even talked about it.

Want to go back to the
cabin and talk about it,

see where it leads?

As long as you
don't fall asleep

like you did this afternoon.

That was your
fault for running

me ragged around the ship.

Remember, I'm not in training
for the Boston marathon.

And I'm not the one who
left his wife at the table

so he could go talk
to a sexy therapist.

That's "sex therapist," and
you wanted me to talk to her.

Look, I think we
should stop arguing.

Ok?

All right.

Why don't we hurry up
and go back to the cabin?

Ok.

But no jogging.

[Giggles] Ok.

Mark silverton, I'd like
you to meet my father,

captain stubing.

This is Dr. Bricker,
and you know Judy.

An honor, captain.

Mr. Silverton, Dr. Bricker.

- How do you do?
- Judy.

Hello.

Captain, you have
a lovely daughter.

Thank you.

Vicki, uh-- may I speak to
you for a second, please?

Sure.

Excuse us.

What's up?

Honey, I thought
you were going to be

seeing a young man named Mark.

Dad, I didn't
say he was young.

I just said his name is Mark.

Is everything ok?

Yeah.

I guess it is.

Good.
[Kiss]

See ya later.

Come on, Mark.

Oh, nice to meet you.

Pleasure.

Uh, merrill?

Hmm?

Would you like me to cut in?

No, Adam.

Thank you.

Well, would you
like me to have

a little talk with her, sir?

[Sighs] I don't think
a little talk will do it.

How about a big talk?

Oh, it's been a
wonderful night, Lou.

I can't believe
it's happening to me.

I feel like somebody
sent me a live Valentine.

And why not you?

You're a terrific guy.

Funny-- I never thought of
myself as being a terrific guy.

Well, maybe I am.

But before you I never had
anybody be a terrific guy for.

That's sweet, Lou.

A sweet thought
for me to sleep on.

Well, I guess i'd
better turn in.

Does it have to end now?

No.

There's tomorrow,
and tomorrow night,

and lots of
tomorrows after that.

Oh, you can't tell.

Oh, come on now.

No pouting, hmm?

[Kissing]

Ooh.

You really know how to put
the good in good night.

Yeah?

Uh-huh.

I'll see you at breakfast.

To quote a very
sexy lady, "ta-da."

Come here, you.

Mm.

Mm.

That was as good as the kiss
in Chicago two weeks ago.

Yeah.

And you remember what happened
in Chicago two weeks ago.

Uh-huh.

At last, you alone.

No interruptions, no work.

Some work.

Your producer called.

Jed.

What do he want?

Well, he needed to
know whether or not

he could book senator Blaine
on your show, and I said yes.

You said what?

I said it was ok.

I was just trying to help.

I mean, he is a senator.

He's a bore.

He's been on every talk
show in the country.

Why was jed asking you?

Well, he needed an immediate
answer and you weren't here.

And I happen to be
your wife, remember?

And that gives you the
right to make my show a haven

for political hacks, right?

Well, I didn't know
how you felt about him.

In fact, I'm beginning to
think that I don't know

how you feel about anything.

Yeah, well, nor I you.

Now look, do me a favor.

Just please stay out
of my business, ok?

I will.

And you can do me a favor.

Stay out of my bed.

It's been so long since I
felt this close to anyone.

I'm glad you feel that way.

You know, you have
a wonderful smile.

Oh, well, you're
responsible for that.

I've been through the
worst year of my life.

I was ready to
give up completely.

Now I'm here with you,
the night is beautiful,

and the whole world
seems a lot better.

Thank you.

Well, I'm glad I could be
here when you need someone.

Mark, I've never met
a man like you before.

Goodnight, Vicki.

Goodnight.

Hi, Vicki.

Hi.

Do you have a minute to talk?

A minute?

I could talk all
night about Mark.

He does seem nice.

But do you think maybe he's just
a little too mature for you?

Well, that's what
I like about him.

He's so mature.

He's sophisticated.

[Chuckles] I know.

He makes you feel
sophisticated too, right?

Makes you feel like a grown up?

It's more than that.

He makes me feel like a woman.

I think I'm in love with him.

Lou, it is just a
shipboard romance.

You don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh, no?

Well, when this cruise is over
and you are back on solid land,

neither one of you is going to
remember the other one's name.

I'm not listening to this.

And when those
loan sharks finish

break-dancing on your
head, you're not even

gonna remember your own name.

Forget it!

We don't have a problem anymore.

Last night I came
up with a solution.

W-- well, what is it?

You drop dead and
go to South America!

Oh!

My partner, the welsher.

I have always put
the business first.

But not this time.

This morning I sent
my love a Rose.

What?

Mm-hmm.

But Lou--

I am going into
the show now, Stan.

And when I come out I'm going
to have breakfast with Harriet,

and I'm going to
ask her to marry me.

(Singing) Happiness!
[Slam]

Yes, it's truly happiness!
- You can't--

take your shower, Lou.

I'm not going down
the drain with you.

[Lou singing loudly]

Lou: I'm really happy!

Majorly happy!

I'm majorly happy.

So very, very happy.

So very, very happy.

Intercom: Good morning, ladies
and gentlemen, breakfast

is now being served
on the starlight deck.

And she thinks she's
in love with him?

She is in love with him,
according to her feelings.

Well, I'm afraid she's
overly-impressed with

the attentions of an older man.

Well, if the captain finds
out it's this involved,

old Mark isn't going
to get any older.

I just hope Mark realizes it's
an advanced case of puppy love.

I was planning to
give this to you later,

but I think I'd like
you to have it now.

Wh-- what is it?

Something that means
a great deal to me.

Oh Mark, it's beautiful.

Oh, it's so sweet and
old-fashioned looking.

Just like you are.

Sweet, old-fashioned,
and innocent.

Thank you.

I'll wear it forever.

Well, if that's
puppy love, our puppy

has just become full-grown.

I'm sorry I messed
things up last night.

Not as much as I did.

Well, I guess we're
learning about each other.

Yeah.

The hard way.

Well, there's one thing
I do know about you.

You take cream in your coffee.

No!

No, I don't.

Well, you did two
weeks ago when I saw you.

I gave up coffee last week.

[Sighs] You know, it's
tough to keep track of this

marriage without a scorecard.

[Laughing]

Well, I'm sure there's
one thing you have to do.

The cabin?

The cabin.

Uh, excuse me Mrs. Whitlaw?

Everybody's ready.

Ready for what?

Oh, Tom, I promised ace
that I'd go pose for pictures

with some of my fans.

It'll just take a few minutes.

Oh, I'm afraid not.

Just about everybody on the
ship is dying to meet you.

Hm?

Ok.

I'll be right there.

Couldn't you do
that a little later?

I have to be gracious.

I don't want to
disappoint my fans.

Too bad you don't mind
disappointing your husband.

Harriet.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Um, aren't you eating?

I'm waiting for Lou.

Lou?

Oh, he never eats breakfast.

At least not when he stumbles
in at : in the morning.

How do you do it
and stay so lovely?

: ?

Why, we said good
night around : .

Well, then who
could Lou have--

oops.

Stan, what are you not saying?

Look.

I admire that little devil.

I really do.

As a matter of fact, I've
used some of his lines myself.

Oh yeah.

I meet a woman and I
say, I can't believe

that this is happening to me.

It's like someone sent
me a live Valentine.

Well, he said that to me.

But you didn't fall for it.

You would be amazed
how many women do.

Oh really?

Oh yes.

It works all the time.

And some of his moves
are really corny.

Like that single Rose bit.

[Laughs]

Well, I think
I've heard enough.

You can tell Lou
that I have suddenly

become allergic to roses.

Intercom: Buenos dias,
se oras y se ores.

We are now entering
enchanting acapulco.

Whatever your
pleasure, you'll find

it here-- beaches, golf
courses, sightseeing,

and glittery night life.

B&b in boat.

Hi, miss kearn.

Not going in to acapulco?

No.

Tom went in alone.

Ah.

(More slowly) Ah.

Anything wrong?

Not anything, just everything.

Tom and I don't see each other
for a week or two at a time.

He finds out that
I wear glasses,

I learn that he hates jogging.

We don't know anything about
each other except the few hours

that we spend together.

Yeah, but I bet you those
hours that you spend together

are pretty wonderful, right?

Oh yeah.

It's like we're
dating, you know?

The peak of romance.

Well, doesn't sound
like such a bad way

to sail through life to me.

Yeah, but is it enough?

Have you ever thought
of moving to New York

to be with him?

Yes.

But the only thing I could
do there is the stage.

But you'd be
terrific on Broadway.

Oh, I'd be
terrified on Broadway.

Facing a live audience?

If I make a mistake I
can't do it over again.

I'm not sure I could handle it.

Yeah, but your husband
would be there to help you.

You guys would be together.

We're not even
together on this cruise.

[Knocking]

Come in.

You wanted to see me, dad?

Yes.

I understand you have
received a gift--

an expensive gift
from Mr. Silverton.

Mark.

Yes, Mark.

News travels fast.

Isn't it beautiful?

It's very pretty.

But why would he give a
gift like that to you?

Because he loves me.

Did he tell you that?

Well, not exactly.

But I can tell.

Vicki, I don't want
you to see him anymore.

He's much too old for you.

I can't believe you said that.

You always taught me
that things like age

and physical appearance
didn't make a difference

when you love someone.

Get to know him from the
inside first and then decide.

That's what you
always taught me.

Yes.

I know I taught you that,
but this is different.

I don't want you to get hurt.

This is different
because you still

want to treat me like a child.

I know you're not
a child anymore.

Dad, I am in love with him.

I thought you'd be happy.

You're not ready for a
relationship like this.

[Sighs] Look, honey, I know
it's hard for you to see,

but I don't understand why
Mr. Silverton hasn't seen it.

It's Mark.

All right.

Mark.

But if you can't see what
I'm trying to tell you--

how I'm trying to help
you, perhaps I'm better

have a discussion with Mark.

I am not a child.

I'll discuss it
with Mark myself.

Harriet.

Sweetheart.

Where you been?

Off by myself, like
I was at breakfast.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You know what happened?

I took a shower and then when
I came out all the towels were

gone and I couldn't dry off.

I had to roll on the sheets.

Mm.

I hear you're very good at that.

She thinks i'm
very good at that?

Who's been talking?

Hi, Vicki.

Great lemonade.

You want one?

No thanks.

Something wrong?

[Sighs] It's my father.

He wants to see you.

He wants to talk to you.

Well, that's fine.

I'd enjoy talking to him.

I should've done it earlier.

I'm sure we have
a lot in common.

He doesn't think so.

He thinks it's wrong.

What's wrong?

Us-- that we're
falling in love.

Falling in love?

Where would he get such an idea?

But we are.

I'm in love with you.

And you said all those
beautiful things to me,

and you gave me his pendant.

But I didn't give you that
because I'm in love with you.

I mean-- i--

I do love you, but not that way.

I was going to give
it to my daughter.

Your daughter?

For her th birthday.

She d*ed in an accident
the week before.

You remind me of her--

your sweetness, your smile,
your innocence, your gentleness.

For a long time I felt as
though I had d*ed with her.

You helped bring
me back to life.

I have been such a fool.

Oh, Vicki.

Vicki.

[Sighs]

Lou.

Lou?

The man disappears all day
and now he's writing me notes?

Lou (voiceover): Dear
partner and friend,

good bye and good luck.

I've lost the first
true love in my life.

I won't bore you with
all the ugly details,

but you had nothing
to do with it.

All I can say is,
where I'm going,

they cut white goods year-round.

Oh no-- no.

What did I do?

And he was thinking of
me right until the end.

Oh, Lou.

My Lou!

[Knocking]

Did you tell him you weren't
going to see him anymore?

No.

Vicki, I told you to
tell him it was over.

Why didn't you?

[Sighs] I didn't have to.

He told me.

There never was
anything to be over.

Honey, what happened?

Oh daddy, I made
a fool of myself.

I told him I loved him,
and knew he loved me.

And?

Well, he didn't
feel that way at all.

I reminded him of his daughter
who was k*lled in an accident.

Poor man.

And the worst
part about it was

that I didn't even
tell him how sorry

I felt about his daughter.

All I could think of
was myself and how

to get away from him once I
found out he didn't love me.

Sweetheart, you can go
back and tell him that.

Oh daddy, I can't see him now.

I told you-- I made
a fool of myself.

Vicki, there are many ways
we make fools of ourselves

in this life.

But the most noble way is by
telling someone you love them.

I love you.

And I love you.

I want so desperately
for our marriage to work.

It will.

I called my agent today.

I told them to have me k*lled.

What?

In this year's final
episode I'm going

to live with you in New York.

[Exhales sharply] You can't.

I can't?

I just cabled jed
and told him we're

moving my show to Los Angeles.

But you always said your
show would die in Los Angeles.

And you said you would never
survive the Broadway stage.

[Laughing]

Well, how do you like that?

We're still on opposite coasts.

And we're each
on the wrong one.

[Laughing]

Intercom: Ladies
and gentlemen, we

know you had a fabulous
time in acapulco

and we're sure you'll
have an equally

as enjoyable time on our
trip back to Los Angeles.

Until then, buenos noches.

Mark?

Vicki, I've been
thinking about you.

About what a silly
little girl I am?

No.

About how nice you are and how
sorry I am that I hurt you.

You didn't hurt me.

I hurt myself.

I saw something I wanted
up on the top shelf,

and when I reached up to grab
it I realized that I wasn't

as tall as I thought I was.

And everything came
tumbling down around us.

I should have sensed
what was happening.

We're talking about me again.

The reason that I came
is, I want you to know how

sorry I am about your daughter.

I want you to know that.

Thank you, Vicki.

And to give you this.

I'd like you to
keep it, if you will.

I gave it to you because
you remind me of her.

And the more I get to know you,
the more you remind me of her.

But only if you want it.

I do.

Here.

[Kiss]

He was a good partner, loyal.

Everyone-- everyone in
the business liked him.

And I crushed his one
chance for happiness.

That's right.

You did.

I'm so selfish and pig-headed.

Mm-hmm.

I should have agreed to go
to South America myself.

Mm-hmm.

It's not too late.

Oh, yes it is.

No, it isn't.

Don't argue with me!

I know-- Lou!

Oh, why you phony!

Oh!

Where have you been?

I looked all over for you.

I have been hiding in the
lifeboat watching you squirm.

[Laughs] How were the
sandwiches I made you?

Oh, they were terrific.

Just the way I like
them-- light on the Mayo.

Good.

- So you were in on this?
- Uh-huh.

Well, I was looking out
for your best interest.

From now on I am
looking out for myself.

Ah-ah-ah-ah.

We are looking out for yourself.

Congratulations.

Just be sure to send
me an invitation

to the wedding,
general delivery,

somewhere in the Amazon.

Stan, I had a lot of time
to think in that lifeboat,

and I just don't want to go
through life with an insurance

fraud on my conscience.

And I don't want to
run the business alone.

Who would I argue with?

Well, there's always me.

Now, we've been
through a lot together,

and we'll get through this.

You'll see.

How?

Tell him.

Well, it just so happens
that my brother-in-law

owns a chain of t-shirt stores.

Now, I think that your
"Olympics " t-shirt is

absolutely sensational novelty.

Yeah, see?

We're gonna make a
fortune with our mistake!

It's a great idea!

And the way you make mistakes,
we could make another fortune

in the very near future.

[Laughing]

All right!

Aw!

Well, I hope you
enjoyed your cruise as

much as we enjoyed having you.

Oh, we loved it.

Not only that-- we
found a new partner.

Hey, that's great.

I always wanted a
new partner, but i'm

still stuck with him anyway.
[Laughing]

Oh, shut up.
Come on.

Bye bye.

Bye.

We're going to be
watching TV for both of you,

and we want you to come back
and said with us real soon, ok?

Well, we plan on doing it
every year on our anniversary.

All right.

Hopefully together.

[Laughing]
- Hey.

Hey, listen.

Have the two of you ever
thought of moving to Denver?

It's sort of in the middle.

Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Whitlaw.

I'm sorry-- there was
a problem in the lab

and I was only able
to come up with one

print for the two of you.

No problem.

One for you and one for me.

Good bye, Vicki.

Bye, Mark.

Captain, I'm only
sorry we couldn't

spend more time together.

Proud fathers have
a common bond.

Yes, we do.

As a matter of fact,
when Vicki asked me

what I thought
about the gift you

gave her I told her that
she'd probably never receive

anything more meaningful.

Thank you.

Vicki, someday someone
will come into your life,

and give you a wonderful gift--

himself-- and he'll be the
luckiest man in the world,

because he has you.

[Kiss]
Bye bye.

Bye bye.

[Theme music playing]