10x02 & 10x03 - The Christmas Cruise: Part 1 & 2

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

♪ Love ♪

♪ love, exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ love is life's
sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be
making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises
something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ love won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be
making another run ♪

♪ welcome aboard it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard it's love ♪

-Just flip the switch, sir.
-Okay.

[All cheering]

Hey, how about a toast
to Christmas with
my special eggnog.

No alcohol... just a little
egg and a whole lot of nog.

-[All laugh]
-Emily, you will love this.
He makes it every year.

You all have so many traditions.

One big happy family.

Merrill, your
traditional toast?

Of course, Adam.

To family and friends
and the best holiday ever.

To Christmas.

[All] To Christmas!

[Captain over pa] Attention,
please, the pacific Princess
is now ready for boarding.

On behalf of our entire crew,
welcome aboard. Welcome to
the Christmas cruise.

A small cabin
on the lower deck?
That's impossible.

Young man, there's
obviously been a mistake.

The duvalls never travel
less than first class.

Well, I'm sorry, Mrs. Duvall,

but according to our records,
you reserved the...

Don't you worry. Your job
is safe. We promise
not to kick up a fuss--

if you simply give us one
of your available suites...
At the same price of course.

[Chuckles] At the same price?

Oh, mother,
they couldn't possibly.
That's too much to ask.

You certainly don't expect
us to pay for their mistake
now, do you?

Well, mother does have a point.

Surely there's something
you can do for us.
After all, it is Christmas.

But it did happen.
As a result, we have
an empty suite

in which our lounge headliner
should be staying for
our Christmas cruise.

But there was
a misunderstanding between
her agents and my calendar.

She'll be here next week.

Look at it this way, sir.

We'll have two singers
for the new year's cruise.

Excuse me, but did I understand
you to say you are in the market
for an entertainer?

Oh, no, no,
we just have a little...

I just happen to represent
one of Europe's fastest rising
young stars.

And of course,
she's my daughter.
Heather duvall.

Well, thank you,
but we're really--

you're lovely.
You're very lovely.
And she sings?

Well, I'm afraid my mother
sometimes overestimates--

she's a nightingale.

Oh, I can furnish you
with a complete resume.

The finest references.
Oh, she's thrilled millions.

Well, she certainly thrilled me.

I don't want to tell you how
to do your job, miss McCoy,

but if I were you,
I'd sign her on the spot.

Merry Christmas.

And, of course,
we'll be happy to accept
whatever accommodations

you had set aside
for the no-show.

Assuming they're up
to our standards, of course.

Oh...

[Clears throat]
Of course, there you are...

Oh, well, follow me
and we'll sign the contract.

Oh! You tell me
where these go.

Oh! I'm-- I'm so sorry.

-Better watch
where you're going.
-This cello's so awkward...

Well, keep it on a leash.

[Julie] This way, Mrs. Duvall.

The welcoming committee
is all busy at the moment.

But I'm Emily stubing.
I'm the captain's wife.

Uh... piacere di conoscerla.
Very glad to meet you.

Oh, it's lovely
to come aboard at night,
but you can't find anything.

Yes, I couldn't help
but notice. Is there anything
I can do for you?

Show you your cabin
or something?

I already found my cabin.
But I can't find my friend.

-Oh.
-I'm sorry, I'm Carla lucci.

It is so nice to meet you.
You know perhaps I can help you.

I haven't a lot of weight here,
but what I have, I can throw
around with the best of them.

If he's a passenger,
maybe he's checked in already.

I assume that it is a "he"
that you're expecting?

Of course.

I can always tell.

Well, not always.
But sometimes I can tell.

We certainly were
in the right place
at the right time.

Don't you think my singing will
throw just a little too much
light on our operation, mother?

It will make you the center
of attention of every
millionaire on this cruise.

You just find one
who likes to play cards,
then I go to work.

Here we are.

[Off-key cello music playing]

Don't tell me that's the cello.

[Music stops]

Oh, hello. A fan
of classical music?

Young man, my daughter and I
have taken this trip
in order to relax.

[Man] Is that your daughter?
She's beautiful.

That's because I have always
surrounded her with beauty.

You and that cello
could undo years of nurturing
with a single flat c-sharp.

Maybe if I played...

Maybe if you didn't.

And I think I speak
for the entire ship
when I say, "thank you."

So, who's gonna play
Santa claus this year?

Or does our new entertainer have
to sing in a red suit and beard?

No, I hired a Santa
through an agency.

And I confirmed this morning.
Nothing can go wrong this time.

Mm-hmm. And what are you
asking the jolly old elf for
this Christmas?

Peace on earth
and an end to world hunger.

And this gorgeous diamond watch
I've had my eye on all year.
How about you?

Her! May I pick
this up for you?

Hi.

Excuse me.

Oh, may I help you?

Oh, I'm beyond help. Trust me.

Last night, the airline
lost my luggage.

They say it's
on it's way to Morocco.

I'm just lucky I carried this
on board the plane myself.

-It was a matched set.
-There are more of those?

Oh, this was a nice bag
before the bus ran over it.

Unfortunately, I was holding
on to it at the time.

[Chuckling] Okay. Are you
one of our passengers?

-One of the crew.
-No, you couldn't be.
I mean, I know the crew.

I'm Julie McCoy,
the cruise director.
Maybe you have the wrong ship?

Pacific Princess?
Christmas cruise?

Arthur burkley,
you hired me yourself.

I'm your shipboard Santa.
Ho ho ho.

[Captain over pa] Will all
visitors please disembark.
All visitors ashore please.

Ms. Lucci...

Oh, yes? Where is he?

I'm sorry, but your friend
hasn't come aboard.

Oh, no, but it's impossible!
I mean, he had reservations.

I know that, but you see,
we have him listed as a no-show.

Was he flying in from
another city? Maybe he
missed his connecting flight.

No. He lives here
in Los Angeles.

I was the one who flew in
from Rome

for this very romantic vacation.

I'm sorry.

Yes. So am I.

[Ship horn blows]

[Captain over pa]
Welcome aboard our annual
Christmas cruise.

We're off to
the sunny Mexican resorts
of Mazatlan and acapulco.

If you've brought
your ski sweaters,
snowshoes, and overcoats,

you're over-packed.

Merry Christmas.

-[Julie] Miss duvall?
-Yes?

You know, we hired you
on your credentials,
which seem impressive

but I'm not personally familiar
with your particular style.

The captain didn't seem
to have any objections.

Yes, well, the captain
is only the captain.

And I am the cruise director
and it's my responsibility
to make sure that,

oh, the dance instructor
can dance, the shuffleboard
instructor can shuffle.

And the singer can sing.

Hmm. What do you say we go find
a piano and try a few scales?

Well, I'd love to Julie.
But if I'm going
to sing my best,

i really have to look my best.
And an hour in the sun.
You understand.

All right. I have to check
on our Santa anyway.
One hour. In the lounge.

[Phone rings]

Fine.

[Isaac]
Mr. Burke parks? Yes,
who should I say is calling?

Wall street? Mr. Parks,
your stockbroker...

Hello. Yes?
Oh, Marshall, yes.

Buy two million shares.

That's right. Okay.

Thank you, Isaac.

[Chattering]

I'm sorry.

I think there's another
over there.

[Shrieks]

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry...

You're a public menace,
you know that?

It was the wind.

What happens next?

Does the whole cello
come flying at me over dinner?

What can I say?
What can I do for you?

Give me the chance
to shout, "man overboard."

[Knocking]

Mr. Burkley. I see you
found your cabin all right.

Yeah, yeah.
It's fine, it's fine.

But the windows won't open.

No, of course not.
They're welded shut.

That's a safety feature.
Someone might accidentally
fall out.

Oh, here, I've brought
your Santa suit for you.

It's the smallest one we have.

I'm afraid you're gonna need
a little extra padding.

Usually our santas are,
well, larger.

Well, I've lost a lot of weight
recently. Prison food will do
that to a person.

Prison food?

It's a long story.

I have the time.

Well, it started
with the bank robbery.

Bank robbery? The
agency didn't mention--

well, it was all
a terrible mix-up.

You see the real crooks
used a stolen car. Mine.

My fiancée could explain this
all to you if she were here.

She broke off the engagement
right after my house
was foreclosed.

Because of the prison sentence?

Because I was fired.

You get vacation,
you get sick leave,

but everybody gets so funny
when you ask for prison leave.

But they all realized it
was a big mistake, but...

-You've had a hard life.
-I've had a hard year.

You know, you wouldn't know it
to look at me now,

but last year I was voted
most valuable salesman.

I had a beautiful sports car,
a home with a pool,

a girl who loved me.

What have I got now?

A part-time job as
a seagoing Santa

and a window that won't open.

But I don't want to bore
you with my sad story.
Thanks for the suit.

Your first appearance is
at dinner tonight. There's
a schedule in the box.

Say, how deep
is the ocean out here?

Several hundred feet when
you get this far from shore.

That should be deep enough.

Well, I really don't know what
to suggest, Emily. You certainly
know merrill as well as I do.

I looked all over Los Angeles
and Beverly Hills. Shirts,
socks, ties, aftershave...

It just has to be so special.

Do you think he'd like
a ship in a bottle?
His own little ss stubing?

Well, the crew usually gives him
something nautical every year.
It's kind of a tradition.

Ah, that word again.
Everybody's got a tradition
with merrill but me.

I'm sure he'll love
whatever you give him.

But what?

Well, I can book you
on a small private plane

-from Mazatlan to Mexico City.
-And from there?

From there, you could fly
just about anywhere you want.

I want to go back home
to Italy.

Home? Carla,
the cruise has just begun.

I didn't come here
for the cruise.

I came to be with David.

[Sighs] I feel miserable.
Angry. Foolish!

Desperate.

Oh...

This man you're waiting for,
he must be very special.

[Scoffs] Special?
Yes, until now.

I met him three years ago
on this very boat. That's why
we were meeting here now.

You and Mr. Morgan?

Yes. You see,
I never was in love before.

I mean, really in love.

And he felt the same?

Of course he did.
And I believed him. I still do.

[Scoffs] I guess we never learn.

But he was married. His wife
was an invalid, confined to bed.

So he couldn't leave her.

And now, after all these years?

Now he writes to Carla and says
he absolutely has to see her.

So she's here, and he's not.

Oh, I just think that's so sad.

And on Christmas.
I feel so sorry for her.

Hmm.

You know I feel sorry
for anybody

who doesn't have someone as
wonderful as you in their life.

You care about people
and their feelings.

And I care about you, merrill.

Now, what would you
like for Christmas?

To spend the rest
of my life with you.

[Julie over pa]
Attention passengers.

Dinner is now being served
in the coral dining room.

[Carla] I was expecting
a romantic dinner for two,

and instead I'm invited to join
a happy party with the captain.

I hope I will not
spoil it.

Nonsense.

There's a place for you
and you're going to sit in it
and that's that.

And not another word.

All right. I won't argue
with someone married to power.

You must be signorina lucci.

Oh, let's forget about
"signorina," please.

Tonight, I only answer to Carla.

-And this is
my husband, merrill.
-[Captain] Hello.

And you've met Vicki. And this
is ace Evans, our chief purser.

Adam bricker,
the ship's doctor.

Pleasure.

I'm very pleased
to meet all of you.

My wife tells me
you're from Rome.

-Oh, yes! Does it show?
-[All laugh]

One of my ex-wives
was from Italy, I think.

Oh, please, it wasn't me.

I'm sure you
would've remembered.

[All chuckle]

You know,
it must be the ocean air.
I could eat a horse.

Have two, sweetheart.
Our food comes with the room.

You should have been an agent.

Oh, no, no.
That work is too honest.

Well, honest enough that
it doesn't interest me.

Find anything worthwhile yet...
That's not on the menu?

All we need is
one terrible cardplayer
with a lot of money.

I'll know him
when I see him.
You know that.

Oh, yes.

You've got a sixth sense
when it comes to money.

Even as a little girl,
when you wandered off,

it was always in the direction
of the bank of england.

There you are, sir.

[Phone ringing]

Not bad, as last meals go.

[Continues ringing, muffled]

Hey, is something wrong?

Well, the captain
is expecting Santa

to make an appearance
at dinner tonight.

I can't find him. He promised
to be dressed and ready.

First the singer, now the Santa.

Well, can't you find someone
to stand in for him tonight?

Like who? Who's around?
Who isn't already at dinner?

Oh!

Julie! No, no, no!

One night!
What's the big deal?

Come on, Julie! Santa claus?

It's one night!

It must feel strange
not spending Christmas
with your family.

Oh, it's such a big family!

Juliana, Maria, Fernanda,
magdalena, Teresa, and Carolina.

They won't even notice
that I am away.

Well, you're welcome
to share the holidays with us.

You're very kind.
You're all very kind.

But I'm leaving
the ship tomorrow
and I'm flying home.

Perhaps I'll be a little bit
late for Christmas,

but I'm sure there will be
plenty of pasta left over
for me.

Leaving? With
so much yet to see?

I saw it all
many years ago with...

With a friend.

I should have
left it a memory.

I'm terribly sorry.
I have packing to do.
Excuse me, please.

I'm sorry.

Ms. Lucci?

Carla...

Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas, everybody!
Merry Christmas!

-[Captain] Isaac?
-Yes, yes, I just flew in
from the north pole.

-Boy, are my reindeer tired!
Ho, ho, ho!
-[Laughter]

But seriously, folks.

I've never seen a ship
so full of happily married men.

Oh, you'll find
our pigeon all right.

In all these years,
I've never once seen you fail.

I won't let you down.

That is,
if that nut with the cello
leaves me alone long enough.

Maybe I did something
really terrible to Beethoven
in another life.

Oh! What on earth!

Oh, my.

"You pluck the g-string
of my heart". It's from him.

These too. They're all from him.

He must've hocked his cello to
afford all these.

[Off-key cello music playing]

I only wish.

Well, there it is.
Davy Jones' locker.

One jump and I'm asleep
in the deep.

Twenty thousand leagues
under the sea.

A friend of Charlie the tuna.

Adrift on the kelp bed of life.

Permanently waterlogged.

An ad for the "wet look."

Shark bait.

So!

-There you are.
-Never sneak up
on anyone like that!

You almost gave me
heart failure. Which would
have saved a lot of trouble.

Do you know that Julie has been
looking all over for you.

You were supposed to be
in the dining room tonight.

I'm sorry. I've had
a lot on my mind.

Did she find someone
to fill in for me?

I don't always dress like this.

What are you doing
out here, anyway?

Uh, just getting
the feel of the ship.

Say, is the ocean
always so far from the deck?

Well, it's a big ship.

Yeah, and a big drop.

That's why we have railings.

Good thinking. Good thinking.

Yeah. Listen,
I have to go back to the bar.

Do us all a favor.
Check with Julie to see
when she needs you next. Okay?

Okay.

So, we're afraid of heights...

-[Chattering]
-[Lounge music playing]

Excuse me,
would you like to dance?

Sorry, I'm waiting
for somebody.

Something tells me
you're not him.

Read them and weep.
Three sevens.

A full house. Oh, my,
this seems to be my lucky night.

You've got to watch
my mother, Isaac.

She'll take you for
every goldfish you have,
if you're not careful.

Oh, lucky for me.
I'm loaded with goldfish.

Oh, relax, darling.
We're only playing
for a dime a fish.

-We are?
-Unless you'd
rather it were a dollar?

No, no, no. No, but...

Fine, fine, fine.
Your deal.

Miss duvall?

Look, I appreciate the flowers.
That was a nice thought.

But you must have spent
your last dollar on those
and I'm truly not interested.

My last dollar?
No, no. There's more
where that came from.

Well, you might at least
have spent it on
more appropriate clothing.

I wasn't sure what to wear.
I've never been
on a ship before.

One that wasn't my own, I mean.

You have your own ship.

Wellington Davis rothmeyer iv.

I fold.

Of rothmeyer publishing?

Six major newspapers,
three monthly magazines,

the only publishing house
ever to have had all ten
of the top ten bestsellers?

You're that rothmeyer?

I'm afraid my father
is "that" rothmeyer.

I guess I will be someday.

Wellington Davis rothmeyer iv.

The flowers you sent me,
you didn't sign your name.

Well, there's just so much
of it to get on one of those
little cards they give you.

I really want to apologize for
all the trouble I've caused you
in such a short time.

Would you let me make it
up to you over supper?

Sorry, I'm not hungry.

Then maybe cocktails or...

Look, you don't seem
like a bad sort,
but I'm truly not interested.

So let's leave it at that
and try to be friends, okay?

I think I'll turn in now.
Good night, mother.

Was it something I said?

Trust me. You said
all the right things.

Oh, merrill.

I hope I'm not interrupting.

Nonsense. I always have
time for you.

Well, I'm always thinking
you might turn your head
to talk to me for a second

and we'll end up in
China or somewhere.

[Laughs] No.

I'm sure the navigator
would discover the error
long before China.

Oh, I thought you'd like to read
this cable you just received.

Thank you.

It's from Mr. Morgan,
Carla lucci's friend.

He missed the ship
in Los Angeles,

but he's flown ahead
and will be boarding
in Mazatlan.

Anything else?

Well, he just signed it
"sincerely" there.

Should I tell her
or should I let it be
a surprise?

She'll be more surprised
if she leaves the ship
before he arrives.

Oh, god.

Yes, I'd tell her.

Well, you could,
but why don't I do that.

You're so busy
finding Mexico and all.

Good idea.

How could you say no
last night?

How could you
turn down the king
of the publishing world?

He's not the king, mother.

Well, the heir to the throne.
He's a perfect pigeon.

Not perfect yet.

But he will be
when I get through with him.

So, you stick
to what you do best.

I'll do what I do best.
Have a nice day.

She's my daughter, all right.

Mm!

[Captain over pa] Welcome
to sensational Mazatlan!

Swim, sun, siesta, or shop.

Remember, only three more
shopping days 'til Christmas.

[No audible dialogue]

Oh, Carla!
Oh, Carla, you can't go!

I have to, Emily.
My mind is made up.

I want to go away.
The only thing I can do now
is to go home.

That would be
a terrible mistake.

I think it is best. Goodbye,
and thank you for everything.

Carla?

David? Where have you been?
What happened?

I thought you were never coming.

[David] It's all right.
It's all right. I'm here now.

Oh, David. I was sorry
to hear about your wife.

If there's anything
I can do for you...

Nothing.

Just seeing you now,
that's all I need.

Well, I'll have your bags taken
back to your cabin for you.

Nothing looks like your father.

Well, I don't know,
that ceramic bull
back there had his smile.

Oh! I could have
my picture taken for him.

Uh, no, no, Emily, don't worry.
You're gonna find just
the right thing.

[Sighs]

What are you
getting him for Christmas?

Well, I always
paint him a picture.

[Sighs] Another tradition.

Last semester I took
an art course,

so he might even
hang this one up.

He always says that
my presents are the ones

he most looks
forward to each year.

Hmm!

Oh, uh... no.

-[Car horn honks]
-[Chickens clucking]

Oh, hi. I had hoped
to stumble into you today.

Oh, good morning, welly.

Welly?

You don't mind
if I call you that, do you?

Instead of
Wellington Davis rothmeyer iv?

No, no. Please.
"Welly" sounds like...
Like you like me.

Oh. Well, don't let
the sound of it fool you.
I know your type.

The slick, handsome playboy
who thinks he can buy
his way into my heart

with a checkbook
and a gold card.

You think I'm handsome?

So, how did your father

become king of
the publishing world anyway?

Well, it's kind of
an interesting story.

Let me judge that for myself.

You see, he was a gambler.

I hate gambling.

Well, it really is
a gentleman's sport, I suppose.

Yeah, I suppose.

You were saying? Your father?

Oh, right.

My father was probably
the worst gambler
in Philadelphia.

But one night he dreamed
of the number five.

Five ducks,
five lakes, five boats.
Everything in fives.

And?

He was sure
it was an omen.

So he went to the bank
and he withdrew
his life savings, $ , .

And he took
the number five bus
to the racetrack--

let me guess. Window five?

And he put the money
on the number five horse
in the fifth race.

Fifty-five to one,
a horse named nickelodeon.

"Nickel," five.

Got it. And the horse won?

He finished fifth.

Father lost everything. But that
was the day he met my mother,
the "Princess" of publishing.

They married, he joined
the family business
and, well, the rest is history.

Fascinating. Well, uh,
there are some other shops
I'd like to look into in town.

So it's been nice talking
to you. See you.

Wait. Uh, could I...

May I walk with you?

Well, okay.

But don't even think
of buying me anything.

Although we might look
into a tuxedo for you.

I love a man in a tux.

Let's see...
, carry the one...

You owe me $
as it now stands.

Another hand?

I'm sorry, Mrs. Duvall,
but we're really not allowed
to play for money,

especially with the passengers.

I didn't understand that's
what we were doing last night

and I only played today to
let you win back your cents.

Oh, I understand, Isaac.
I really do.

And I'm usually so unlucky.

This has just been
an odd streak.

What do you say we cut
the cards. Double or nothing.

I'll lose, and we'll be even.

And if you win?

Oh, I won't.
I'm terrible at this.

-Queen of diamonds.
-See? What did I tell you.

King of clubs. Oh, my.
And now you owe me $ .

Oh, let's do it again.
That streak of mine
can't last forever.

Maybe if I go first this time.

Okay.

Oh, what a wonderful day.
Don't you dare to miss
the boat ever again, my love.

I never dreamed that little café
with the green corn tamales
would still be there.

Some things never change
and that's very nice.

Others do change.

And that's very nice, too.

You know,
it's hard for me to believe
I'm really seeing you again.

I got there just
as the ship was leaving.

I tell you, it was such
a helpless feeling knowing--
hoping you were on the ship

and not being able
to get to you.

You're here now.
That's all that matters.

That's all that ever
really mattered. To me.

[Ship horn blows]

I think they're calling us.

-Pity.
-Mm.

[Captain over pa]
We hope you enjoyed
your day in Mazatlan.

For added enjoyment,
be sure to join us this evening
in the international lounge

for the song stylings
of miss Heather duvall.

["I go to rio" playing]

♪ When my baby ♪

♪ when my baby smiles at me ♪

♪ I go to Rio de Janeiro ♪

♪ and I am free at last
what a blast ♪

-♪ Oh, when my baby ♪
-♪ baby ♪

♪ when my baby smiles at me
I go to rio ♪

-♪ rio ♪
-♪ De janeiro ♪

-♪ my-oh-me-oh ♪
-♪ I go wild ♪

-♪ and then I have
to do the samba ♪
-♪ and "la bamba" ♪

♪ now she's not
the kind of person ♪

♪ with a passionate persuasion
for dancing ♪

♪ or romancing
but I give in to the rhythm ♪

♪ and my feet follow
the b*ating of my heart ♪

Where did Julie find her?

Well, she auditioned her
this afternoon,

but she said that dad really
deserves all the credit.

According to her,
he has quite an eye for talent.

♪ When my baby smiles at me ♪

♪ the sun lights up my life ♪

♪ and I am free at last
what a blast ♪

♪ when my baby smiles at me ♪

♪ I go to rio ♪

It was great,
you're wonderful.

[Man ] Oh, thanks.

[Man ] See you later.

Why, welly,
don't you look nice.

It was wonderful!
When you sing, my heart stops.

Then we'd better look into
a pacemaker for you.

We wouldn't want to lose you
over a chorus of "jingle bells."

See you in a moment.

A midnight supper sounds great.

I've reserved
a special table for us.

[Violins: Romantic music]

This is for us?

I wanted to make it
as special as I could.

I took the Liberty
of ordering for both of us.

It's too dark out here
to read the menu anyway.

It's not too dark to see
how beautiful you are.

That sounds suspiciously
like a line.

I'm sorry. It wasn't.
I don't know any lines. Really.

It's okay, it's okay.

If it was a line,
it was a nice line. I liked it.

Welly, with all the girls
on this ship you could be having
supper with tonight, why me?

You'd laugh if I told you.

Try me.

When I was seven,
my sister had a picture book,

all about a Princess who went
around rescuing kings and
knights and princes in distress.

How liberated.

Well, you look just like her.
Just like the pictures
in that book.

And are you a prince
in need of rescuing, welly?

I'm a very shy person.
I don't meet people easily.

When I saw you, you looked
like someone I already knew.
Already liked very much.

Well, if you see any dragons,
I'm your girl. That's a promise.

[Clinks]

I'm sorry.

[Chattering]

[Piano: "Have yourself
a merry little Christmas"]

Oh, this is our first Christmas
together. The first of many.

How did I get through
holidays without you?

All those turkeys
I stuffed without you.

Turkey? For Christmas?
No, Turkey is for Thanksgiving.

Don't you like
Turkey for Christmas?

Well, it's not
that I don't like it.

It's just that
we usually have goose.
Vicki loves it.

Of course if you want Turkey...

Oh, no, no, no.
Traditions are so important.

They're so... traditional.
You know?

[Music continues over speakers]

It's like no time has passed.
You remember this song?

I sure do. Every time I've heard
it since, I've thought of you.

And every time
I thought of you,

I heard this melody
in my head.

I really regret all
the time we've spent apart.

I wanted to make it up to you
on this cruise. Make up for
all that lost time.

No time is lost,
if we can stay together now.

Hold me tight forever, David.

Forever, my love.

Are you sure you want a triple?

It's my last drink.

Ah, good.
Going on the wagon, huh?

You might say
I'm giving up everything.

Hmm. Good.

Excuse me.

You see?

The poor man.

I knew he was troubled,
but I had no idea.
Shouldn't we have stopped him?

He came to me with every symptom
in the book, everything from
weak ankles to excess dandruff.

I knew something was strange,
so I just gave him some sugar
pills.

Maybe you and Santa
should have a little chat.

Thanks, doc. Excuse me...

Mr. Burkley, haven't seen much
of you these past few days.

I know I've let you down.
But I won't be a burden
to you much longer.

The day after tomorrow's
the big night. Christmas Eve.

A lot of people
are counting on you.

A lot of people used
to count on me.

Right now, I honestly
don't think anybody would
miss me if I weren't here.

Not miss Santa?
Or not miss Arthur burkley?

So you know.
Well, it's too late.

Any minute now I'm an ex-elf.

There's nothing
you can do for me.

Oh, I don't know.

A couple of aspirin
might help. Sugar pills.

Dr. Bricker knew?

Doc cares. I care.

Why? I have no house,
no money, no job, no car,

no girl, no self-respect.

The only thing I have at
the moment is a prison record.

[Scoffs] Three days.

It hardens a man.

-You really care?
-You would too,
if you could see what I see:

A man, a charming man,

with drive, ambition,
and a great deal of potential.

-Me? You see that in me?
-Mm-hmm.

Could I buy you a drink?

Well, if some serious
conversation went along with it,

i could go for
a glass of guava juice.

You have exotic tastes.
My fiancée had exotic tastes.

I thought your daughter
didn't approve of gambling.

Hmm. She doesn't.
But let's play anyway.

It's all right. My mother's
harmless. She doesn't know
a full house from a condominium.

I'm afraid
I don't either, really.

What do you say?
A dime a game, hmm?

Just to make it interesting
for the old girl?

I think I could handle
at least that.

And perhaps a little bit more.

Fasten your seat belts.

It's silly to feel this way,
'cause merrill and Vicki and I

have all had
to make adjustments.

But who would've thought that
Christmas would be a problem.

I mean of all things, Christmas.

Eh. Every family has traditions.

I know our family used to take
a drive every Christmas Eve

and go look at the lights
on the houses,

and then we'd come home and have
a cup of hot cinnamon cider.

My uncle rodger would
go to the window every year
and look out and say...

[Gasps] "Look! Something
just flew past the moon!

It looks like...
No, it couldn't be."

And of course, all the kids
would beg him to tell
what he saw.

We were sure it was Santa.

Ah, that sounds lovely.

It was.

The three of you will develop
something special like that.
It just takes time, that's all.

Oh, I hope so. Do you know
they even have a tradition
of gifts they give each other?

-They're so far ahead of me.
-Vicki's paintings.

Well, Emily, why don't you
start a tradition of your own?

Why don't you make
the captain something?

Make him something...

I used to knit!

But that was
such a long time ago.

That's perfect!
It'll come back to you.

But will it come back in time?

It has such a long way
to travel.

I had a wonderful time tonight.

Sure you had a wonderful time.

You took my mother
for over $ .

I feel so bad about that.
I didn't want to take it.

I know, but she has
a sort of code of honor
about financial debts.

She's a fine woman,
your mother. A woman
of principles.

She's obviously instilled
that quality in you.
I find that very rare.

And... very attractive.

Goodnight, welly.
Thanks for everything.

Boy, timing
really is everything.

You know, you haven't changed
a day, amore.

[Laughs] I don't know about
that. The light in here just
happens to be very good.

No, no. You are just the same.
I remember everything about you.

I remember your hair.

It's grayer.

Your eyes.

And your smile.

Surely you've seen
other smiles in all this time.

Yes. Italian smiles.

But they are not as...
Naughty as yours.

Oh, really?
Thank you very much.

I have something for you.

Really? What's that?

You'll see. Be patient.

What's this?

I've been holding your mail.

My mail?

Yes. Oh, please
don't laugh.

You always said
my English was not so good,
so I needed some exercises.

I wrote you a letter
almost every month.

I know we promised
each other not to write,
and I never mailed them to you.

But it was just a way
of keeping you in my life.

You wrote all these to me?

Oh, yes. All in English.

This one was
after my sister's wedding.

I caught the bouquet.
An omen, yes?

David, I understood
your devotion to your wife.
And I admired it.

But I always
missed you so much.

You know I never
really loved Kathryn.

But she needed me
and she loved me,

and I thought,
"well, that was enough."

That was before I met you.

You're free now.
No more sadness, please.

We can start
our life together... now.

It's going to be a good trip.

But you make it
sound like that's all.

Let's make a toast.

To the time we have together.

I love ocean travel.

It's like we're a million miles
away from everything.

Yes. So unhurried.
And so romantic.

I, uh... I bought you something.

I know you said not to,
but I couldn't help myself.

And it's the season.

Merry Christmas.

Something tells me
I'm going to be
very mad at you.

This looks just about the size
to hold that diamond and emerald
bracelet we saw yesterday.

Or the gold watch.

Or...

An ugly little statue.

I knew you'd be furious
with me if I spent
a lot of money on you.

-Livid.
-It's one of the more
obscure aztec gods.

With a face like that, I think
he was destined for obscurity.

He was said to be
a god of companionship

and of long life...

And... and love.

Are you okay?

Fine, fine.

It's just nobody's
ever given me anything
like this before. Really.

Well, I'd give you thousands
of these, if you'd let me.

[Laughs]
One is plenty, thank you.

Well, I didn't mean...

I can't always find
the right words.
But even not knowing you,

i feel as if I know you
better than anyone I ever knew.

And I wonder if... I wonder...
What I'm wondering is...

I think I'm getting the picture
and I think you shouldn't finish
that sentence.

-See, I like you, welly.
I like you a lot.
-But...

But take my advice
and never try that question

unless you're absolutely sure
you're thinking straight.

It could land you in
an awful lot of trouble.

[Ace] Hold the door please.
Thank you.

[Whistling "jingle bells"]

Ace, what
a beautiful arrangement!
For one of the passengers?

For one of the crew.

Who?

You.

For me?

Yeah.

Who would do that?

I don't know.

[Julie]
"Merry Christmas,
just because

you were nice
to Santa claus."

Do you like them?

Mr. Burkley?
These are from you? For me?

Who deserves them more?
I charged the flowers
and this suit.

So you wouldn't be embarrassed
when we paint the town red
tonight.

The town? We don't
reach acapulco until tomorrow.

Then we'll paint the ship red.

Uh, captain might object.

Mr. Burkley,
what's come over you?
Why this sudden change?

You, my darling.
You've given me
a new lease on life.

-Your love has made me
a new man.
-My what?

Your love. Now, here.
Take your flowers.

And be prepared to answer
the most important question
of your life tonight

'cause Santa has
a surprise for you.

Hint: It's for the third
finger of your left hand.

Mr. Burkley!

I think it's time
you call me Arthur.

Better yet,
call me "darling."

Ace.

Santa claus
is in love with me.

Great. Julie, I was hoping
for a new sled this Christmas.

Do you think you
can put in a good word?

Ace!

Huh? Bye.

-Happy, darling?
-Very.

Me, too. You, Christmas,
the cruise together.

Who really could
ask for anything more?

I could.

We get to acapulco
for Christmas Eve tomorrow.

We're back in Los Angeles
a couple of days after that.

And after that?
What happens then, David?

I've learned
what Kathryn learned.

Take each day as it comes.

No plans for the future?
No looking forward to
what trip we'll take next year?

Or what dinner
we'll have next week?

Please, Carla. This is
so wonderful. Let it be.

Enjoy it for what it is.
For now.

You're still married,
aren't you?

Kathryn is still alive.

I had to see you.

Oh! Just for a few days.

I've lived every waking moment
of the last three years for you.

I don't want to wait anymore
for the time we could be
together again.

But we are together.

Oh, yes!

One week before you go
back to your other life.

And I will be alone again.

How can you do this
to me, David?

["Jingle bells"
playing over speakers]

Mr. Burkley?

Ho, ho, ho!

-Mr. Burkley!
-'Tis the season!

'Tis definitely not the season.
We have to talk.

Please, sit down.

I really have to make
something clear to you.

Oh, no, you don't. I can see
the love light in your eyes.

There is no love light! You
don't see anything in my eyes.

-After all we've
meant to one another?
-[Sighs]

Mr. Burkley, you're a nice man.
A sweet man. A charming man.

A confused man.

[Music stops]

But ours is
a business relationship.

Me cruise director,
you Santa claus.

But I thought--
I mean, you said...

I said I care about you.
And I do. In a humanitarian way.

I mean, I care about you the way
one person is supposed to care
about another person.

I thought it was more than that.

I'm sorry, Arthur. Really I am.

You only fell for me
because you don't have anything
else in your life right now.

But all that's going to change.
Isn't it? You know things
won't stay like this.

We are each
the captain of our own ship,

the master of our own destiny.

Your future is
entirely in your hands.

You're right, miss McCoy.
Things are going to change.

That's the spirit.
Now keep that positive attitude.

And we'll see you
in the purser's lobby tonight,
: . You look great.

Things are gonna change,
all right.

And I'm going to change them.

For good.

[Captain] I'm very pleased
that you're enjoying
the activities on board.

[Woman] Oh yes, everything
is just wonderful.
Merry Christmas, captain!

Well, thank you very much.
Merry Christmas to you too.

Come sail with us
again sometime.

Well, merrill. I thought
you said you'd be gone
for a couple of hours.

I forgot my vitamins.
So, how's your day going?

Why do you ask?

It was only a question.

-Are you all right?
-Oh! I've never been better.

Speaking of questions.

You know,
one of the passengers

asked me what
your favorite color is.

And I said I thought
it was blue. Is that right?

Strange question for one
of the passengers to ask.

My favorite color?

I think it'd be green.

Green? I thought it was blue.

When we took that test...
"How well do you know
your mate?"

...didn't you tell me
it was blue?

No, I think I told you green.

Emily, are you sure
you're all right?

Oh, yeah, I'm just
a little nervous that's all.

You know, Christmas
and everything.

My stomach is all
tied up in knits-- knots.

Well, I'm sorry you
have to go back to work
so soon, dear.

Couldn't you stay just
for a cup of coffee?
Oh, I understand.

A captain's work is never done.
See you later, sweetheart.

Oh, I'm sorry. [Chuckles]

Goose not Turkey.
Green not blue.
I thought I knew the man!

Hey, Isaac.

Hey, doc...

Did the bar turn
into a Blackjack table
when I wasn't looking?

No, one of the passengers
left this deck of cards
at the bar last night.

And I'm passing
the time.

Well, you could pass it
more successfully

if you play the black seven
on the red eight.

Come on, doc. This is solitaire.
It's for one person.

Yeah. But don't they call it
something when two people play?

Yeah, cheating.

Wait a minute?
What black seven?

How did you know
that was a black seven?

The same way I know
this is a queen of clubs

and this is
a two of hearts.

A marked deck?

[Singing "o Christmas tree"
in German]

You know, that's one
of my favorite Carols.

It isn't even in English.

No, my grandfather
always sang it in German.

Of course, he did everything
in German. Being German.

Aren't they adorable?

They've been adorable
for seven Carols, miss McCoy.

Where's Santa claus?

I honestly don't know, sir.

You call that an answer?

I'm sorry, it's the only one
I have at the moment.

Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

[Children]
Merry Christmas, Santa.

Oh, I love it!
Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho!

It's ace, can you believe it?

Merry Christmas!
Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

Well, that is more like it.

[Speaking German]

Ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Excuse me.

Merry Christmas.

Ace. Thank you.

Don't mention it.
Uh, please don't mention it.

Merry Christmas.

Ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas!

What a night. The children,
the music, the moon.

Isn't the moon
beautiful, mother?

I've seen it before.
And for that matter,
so have you.

Yes, but not like this.
Maybe it's...

I don't know,
maybe it's because
tomorrow is Christmas Eve.

It suddenly looks
different somehow.

Honestly, Heather,
you sound like a bad movie.

[Sighs] There's been a look
in your eyes lately that
I don't like one bit.

That Wellington is
everything we could ask for.

And he's ripe for the picking.

One evening of cards with him
could be a giant step

towards security
for our sunset years.

Can't you see? He's everything
we've been waiting for.

Funny. That's exactly
what I was just thinking.

So you're afraid of heights.
So what difference does it make?

In a few seconds, it'll be
all over and you'll never have
to worry about heights again.

[Girl] Did you lose
your reindeer, Santa?

Who are you?

I'm a Christmas angel.

Do your parents know
you're out here by yourself?

-Do yours?
-That's different. I'm an adult.

But you have
people who love you.

I do? Name two.

I love you.
And all my friends love you.

Is this what I think it is?
A sign? A Christmas miracle?

An angel sent from heaven
to restore my faith in myself?

Do you really care about me?

Sure, everybody loves Santa.

But what if I weren't Santa?

What if I were just
an ordinary guy.

A Joe schmo?
An Arthur burkley?
What would you think then?

-But you're not.
-But if I were.

-But you're not.
-I am. I'm Arthur burkley.

[Screams]

Now I'm talking crazy
and scaring angels.

How low can I sink?

Carla?

Carla, please let me in.
At least let me explain.

-What's left to explain?
-May I come in?

Why? What for?

I built my world
around you for--

for nothing!

And you make me
feel very foolish.

There are things you don't know.

I want to know one thing.

Do we have a future together?

No. No, we don't.

Then goodbye, David.

I could stay up
all night singing Carols.

Well, until that
Santa finally arrived,

I was afraid we might have to.

Oh, merrill...

Mr. Morgan? Mr. Morgan?

Adam. How is he?

He's fine, for the moment.

Fine? But last night...

It was a symptom
of progressive spinal
muscular atrophy.

...a variant of
Lou gehrig's disease.

Oh, no.
Have you told him?

What?

Actually, he told me. He was
diagnosed almost two years ago.

Can't you give him something?

How long does he have?

Well, without a more
extensive examination--

my doctors have given me
two to three years.

And it's already been
almost two.

-Does Carla--
-no, no, I can't tell her.

I don't want her
to feel sorry for me,

to feel that she has
to care for me out of
some misguided sense of pity.

Well, that sounds like
a decision she should make.

Carla is a strong lady.
She could handle it.

Read it however you'd like.

I simply won't put her in
the position of feeling that
she has to take care of a man

who eventually will lose the use
of his arms, his legs,
his speech...

No, she deserves
better than that.

She deserves the truth.

She deserves a beautiful memory.

And I wanted to give
that to her.

Excuse me.

[Vicki over pa]
Welcome to beautiful,
sunny acapulco,

where the holiday weather
is picture perfect.

You'll have plenty of time here
to enjoy the hospitality of
our neighbors to the south.

The church is right off
the main square.
Have a good time.

So what happened to
the "real" Santa last night?

I don't know.

But it's nothing compared
to what's going to happen
to Santa when I catch him.

He'd just better show up
in the lounge tonight.
It's Christmas Eve!

Are you sure this
is where Mr. Rothmeyer
wants us to meet him?

Sí, señorita.
He specifically
requested this table.

Why do I feel like we're being
set up for something here?

[Mariachi band playing]

Good god. I hope
they're not going to sing
"happy birthday" in Spanish.

[Singing in Spanish]

It's him!

Oh, a boy and his cello.
It warms the heart.

The words mean a boy and girl
meet on a big ship.

They fall in love.

The boy is certain of what
he feels. The girl is less sure,

but ultimately falls
completely under the spell
of the Mexican moon.

He's making this up.
I distinctly heard them
sing something about a burro.

-Oh, mother.
-Here comes the ending.

The boy asks the girl
to marry him.

-To what?
-To marry him!

[Scoffs] I don't believe this.
Miss, can I have a menu, please?

And what does the girl say?

[Patrons] Yes! Say, yes!

What does the girl say?

I don't know.
I need more time.

Take all the time you need.
Just know I love you.

Merry Christmas.

[Band continues singing
in Spanish]

I've never been
so embarrassed in my life.

Mother, we've got
to call off the sting.

All because of some silly
proposal? You must be joking.

No, I'm not. There are
other pigeons out there.

Ah, but one like this hasn't
flown our way for some time.

Oh, Heather,
you're not in love with him.

It's just something
in this tropical air.

I knew we should have stuck
to the north Atlantic.

Mother, what I'm trying to say--

you know how we operate.

Like that old Latin saying:

"We came, we saw,

we took the sucker
for everything he had."

No personal involvements.
Neat, quick, clean.

Oh, darling, you'll thank me
for this when you come
to your senses.

Mother, I've always done
everything you've asked of me.

And I've asked
for very little in return.

Now I'm asking you
for this one thing.

Please leave him alone.

It's my career.

Would you ask Jane Fonda
to give up her workouts?

David is still married,
did you know that?

Married? Did he tell you that?

He didn't have to.
It's very clear.

We have no future together.

Only the past.

Only... the few days
we spent on this boat.

I suppose I would talk to him,
give him a chance to explain.

Do you still love him?

Yes. God help me.

I still do.

I really appreciate
your letting me
talk to you like this.

Oh, it's the least
a future mother-in-law can do
for her future son-in-law.

I'm so glad you don't mind
playing a hand or two
while we talk.

We always play cards while
we talk at the ladies' club.

What's this? More cards?

I thought he already taught you
a lesson in gambling.

Oh, you know me, sweetheart.

I'm a sucker
for higher education.

I raise you three thousand.

I see your three
and raise you one.

We're really
just talking, Heather.

I can't let him take advantage
of you with those bad hands
you always get. Let's see.

Just as I thought.
These are terrible.

[Wellington]
Pretty good, huh?

Welly, you've been
holding out on me.

Are you sure you're
not a card shark?

Whoops. Clumsy me.

I'll see your last raise
and raise you ten taco chips.

Ten? Ten thousand dollars?

Don't let her
bluff you, darling.

Who knows what you might draw?

Well, okay.

I'll take three.

Take four.

Isn't this fun? I think i'm
going to be good luck for you.

[Captain]
Isaac, after what
you told me last night,

i had the ship's office
here in acapulco compile
this information

on Heather and her mother.

They're professional gamblers.

They've been barred
from every ship afloat!

Look at this list
of complaints!

I guess I don't owe her
two years' salary after all.

Yes, well, I don't want
any incident aboard my ship
to be added to that list.

Sir, they could
take Mr. Rothmeyer
for every cent he's got!

Not if someone told him
what was happening.
I'll speak to him immediately.

Oh, uh, sir. This sort
of thing takes diplomacy.

You don't think
I have diplomacy?

Oh, no, sir, it's just that
with news like this,

I think the old saying applies.

Old saying?

Yeah, never send a captain
to do a bartender's job.

David?

Oh, sorry, ma'am.
No one's there.

I think he checked off
the ship.

Off the ship?

I think so.

You know, we don't
get many santas in here.

I heard that joke before,
I think it was with a kangaroo.

Can I get something for you?

I'll have what he's having.

Cranberry juice on
the rocks. Coming up.

Even the drink orders
aren't working for me.

You're on
the Christmas cruise?

Not anymore.

I'd always planned this
as a one-way trip anyway.

I didn't plan it.
It just worked out that way.

Eh, life is full of
little surprises.

Hmm. Tell me about it.

Last year, I was a happy man.
Happy, successful, well-liked.

You wouldn't have found me
in here drowning my sorrows
in cranberry juice last year.

Well, things change.

At least, for you,
there will be a next year.

Not for you?

Who knows?

I've been given a deadline.

Yup, it's just that no one
can tell me when it is.

It could be tomorrow.
Or next week.

Or, I don't know,
maybe an hour from now.

-Or a year.
Or five years from now.
-Please, please.

I've been told by experts
in their field.

They've all circled
their calendars.

I had a great aunt once,
who was given six weeks to live

by an "expert in his field."

So she kept talking to experts
until she found one

who told her she could live
to be as old as she liked.

She stuck with him,
lived to be .

That's a nice story.

Experts know about anatomy,
but they don't know
about people.

I was a salesman.
People were my business.

Let me tell you, if there's
some happiness to be had,
grab it while you can.

Hey, listen to me,
I never thought I'd find myself
this optimistic again.

Maybe something about
that suit you're wearing.

Maybe. But if you don't
live for today,

you might be here ten years
from now saying,

"what happened to all
the time I've wasted?"

-I wish I could believe that.
-If you can't trust Santa...

Well, I admit it's hard to
argue with a guy in white fur.

I don't know that I buy
a word you're saying,
but it's worth thinking about.

Santa's juice is on me.

Merry Christmas.

Thank you.
Merry Christmas to you!

And many more!

[Ace over pa] Ladies and
gentlemen, we hope your day in
acapulco was truly memorable.

Now relax and enjoy
your Christmas Eve
under tropical skies

as we head back to Los Angeles.

Merry Christmas, dad!
I hope you like it.

Thanks.

Well, it's from you.
How could I not like it?

Oh, wow! This is the best
painting you've ever done.

Oh, honey, it's wonderful!

Oh, thank you.

Are you opening presents
before Christmas?

We always exchange gifts on
Christmas Eve, Emily. Don't you?

No. No, merrill. I don't.
And I don't like geese,

and I don't like
to sing Christmas Carols
in a foreign language.

And just for the record,
I like to have a Christmas star
on top of my tree, not an angel.

And I don't even like the sound
of hot cinnamon cider.

What?

Oh, that was Julie.
I'm sorry. I really am.

Look at me, I don't even
know what I'm saying.

It's just that
you have your traditions,

and I don't even feel
a part of them. I just don't.

Emily.

I had no idea.

Look, don't you know that
the only real tradition,

the only one that's
really important

is that we're together.

The three of us.

Emily, he's right.
We're a family.

Yeah, but you're exchanging
gifts tonight and I don't
even have your presents ready.

Emily, you are the best present
anyone ever got. You...

And this.

[Emily]
It's us. And it's beautiful!

-It's us!
-A painting to be handed down
from generation to generation.

A stubing family tradition.

Evening, welly.

Heather!

If the answer is no,
don't tell me right away.
I don't think I could take it.

But if the answer is yes,
I might not be able
to take that either.

And if you haven't
decided yet,

i might just throw myself over
this railing anyway so--

If that was a no, I don't
think I could survive a yes.

It was a yes.

You'll marry me?

But I have to
tell you something.

All I needed to hear was "yes."

I meant that "yes"
with all my heart.

But there's something you
have to know about me...

Mr. Rothmeyer,
I hate to interrupt,

but I've been looking
for you all day.

Isaac, congratulate me.

Heather duvall is going
to become Mrs. Wellington
Davis rothmeyer iv!

Uh, could I
congratulate you privately?

Oh, it's okay. I'll
see you after the show.

Champagne for the house!
For the ship!

Tonight, we all celebrate!
Isn't this great news?

Yeah. It's really great news.

But maybe you should read this
before you lock down a date
for the wedding.

I really hate to be
the one to bring this to you,

but I feel I should've somehow
known something was wrong

before you got in so deep.

I'm sorry.

An old adage Springs to mind...

Something about buying
a cow when you can get
the milk for free.

Wellington is not livestock,
mother. He's a kind,
sensitive man who loves me.

That's all very well,
but where does that leave me?

I thought you'd be pleased.
Why aren't you?

This could give us
all the money you'll ever need,
and all the love I'll ever need.

Why are you fighting this
every step of the way?

It isn't the money.
Well, it isn't just the money.

What about excitement!
Adventure!

It's always been
me and my little girl,

traveling the world over,
living by our wits.

It's in my blood.
If I stop, I'll rust.

And if I don't stop,
I'll lose the only person
I've ever loved.

Thank you.

Aside from you, of course.

Merry Christmas, mother.

Oh, I don't know what to say.

[Sighs]

I guess I was too busy
with the cards.

I don't have
anything for you.

[Knocking]

Who is it?

It's Wellington.

Just a moment.
Now you be nice.

Aren't I always?

I love you, mother.

And I love you, too.

And if this is what
you really want...

That's all the gift I need.

Welly!

Uh, I've been worried about you.

I couldn't find you
after the show.

You look so serious.

I can't do it.
I can't go through with it.

Go through with what?

With the wedding. With the joke.

-The joke? What joke?
-I do this on every trip I take.

I find some girl I can impress
with my money and my cello,

and I lead her along. For kicks.

See, when you're as rich
as I am, you need a pastime.

And I was your pastime
on this trip? That's all?

You really believed
all that stuff I handed you?

The con was on.

I really thought
you were smarter than that.

I'm afraid it's my turn
to feel foolish.

Oh, it's you.

Foolish and very selfish.

What are you talking about?

I wanted this trip
to be perfect.

A storybook picture
for both of us to remember
the rest of our lives.

I didn't want reality to creep
into that picture at any moment.

Unfortunately,
even bright pictures
have shadows.

Life isn't always a storybook.

If this is the way
it has to be...

If Kathryn is still alive...

No, she's not.

She's not?

I don't understand.

I've been trying to get up the
courage to be honest with you,

and to be honest with myself.

I haven't much time
to live, Carla.

What?

I can't believe it!

-Oh, David!
-Please, please. Hear me out.

Dr. Bricker
can give you the details,

but the last thing
I want is your pity.

I've been feeling
plenty of that for myself.

Now you see why I had to leave,
why I can't ask you to...

I'm sorry, David,
I do feel pity.

But not for your illness,
but for your feeling

that you couldn't share
that knowledge with me.

We all need someone.

And some people are lucky enough
to find one person in a lifetime

they feel truly at ease with.

I found him three years ago.

I think he's
still around somewhere.

I can't promise you next year.

I can't even promise you
tomorrow.

But you can promise me "now."

Oh, yes, Carla.
Yes, I can promise you "now."

Oh, yes, I can definitely
promise you "now," Carla.

[Ace over pa]
Good morning passengers.

Speaking for your entire
love boat crew,

we wish you a merry Christmas
and the happiest of new years!

[Cello playing
off-key Christmas Carols]

[Knocks]

Ugh.

Good morning.

Captain. Merry Christmas.

What a pleasant surprise.
Will you have a cup of coffee?

A glass of juice maybe?

This isn't a friendly visit,
Mrs. Duvall.

We need to talk.

-I want you to know that i--
-oh, yes.

You want us to know
that you're on to
our "profession"

and that you'd appreciate it
if we'd think twice

about sailing with you
at any time in the future.

Yes, yes, I guess
that's about it. But how did--

oh, we've heard it
many times before.

How long have you known,
captain?

-About two days.
-And Mr. Rothmeyer? Did he know?

I think Isaac told him
last night. Why?

Then he was lying to me.

He does love me.

Wellington! You've
got to listen to me.

Sure. I could use a laugh.

But could you use a wife?

I know why you said
what you did last night.

Now, you can believe
this or not, but I was going
to tell you the truth.

When? On our th anniversary?

It's what I was trying
to tell you last night.

You saw something in me
that no one else ever saw.
And you made me see it, too.

Now you can go off
and play your cello
somewhere by yourself,

or you can take me with you.

Either way, my feelings
about you won't change.

Because it all comes
down to this: I love you.

I love you too, Heather.

I guess it's just
in the cards for us.

[Ace over pa]
We'll be docking in
Los Angeles tomorrow morning,

but be sure to join us
in the international lounge
tonight

and help us celebrate
a love boat Christmas!

Ladies and gentlemen,
for our Christmas show, we have
a very special treat for you.

A singer who has already
stolen your hearts...

And god knows
what else on this ship.

So, here she is
to entertain you,

the star on the top
of our tree,

miss Heather duvall.

["Have yourself a merry
little Christmas" playing]

♪ Have yourself
a merry little Christmas ♪

♪ let your heart be light ♪

♪ from now on... ♪

Another no-show from St. Nick?

[Julie scoffs]
It sure looks like it.

Nobody's seen him.
And this could mean my job.

Excuse me.

♪ Have yourself
a merry little Christmas ♪

♪ make the yuletide gay ♪

♪ from now on, our troubles
will be miles away ♪

-I gotta check on...
-I'm gonna go check...

♪ Here we are
as in olden days ♪

♪ happy golden days of yore ♪

♪ faithful friends
who are dear to us ♪

♪ gather near to us
once more ♪

♪ through the years
we all will be together ♪

♪ if the fates allow ♪

♪ hang a shining star ♪

♪ upon the highest bough ♪

[Vicki] Santa...

Vicki?

Julie? I thought
you could use me again.

No, I couldn't do that to you.

Isaac? Vicki? Julie?

[Isaac] Doc?

And ace. What is this,
a convention?

[Emily]
I guess the job's been taken.

[All] Emily?

How did you know
there was a problem?

Well, you'd have to be blind
not to notice that something
was wrong.

Plus, merrill told me.

The captain knows?

[Captain]
Of course the captain knows.

You didn't think you could
pull the red suit over
my eyes forever, did you?

[All chuckling]

♪ And have yourself ♪

♪ a merry little Christmas ♪

♪ now ♪

Oh, merrill, you look adorable.

Well, we all look adorable.

Hey, has anyone noticed there
are seven of us back here.

And no one out there!

Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
What's this? Impostors?

Open the curtain,
I see Santa's helpers are
everywhere! Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho! You were supposed
to be here an hour ago.

I know I was supposed
to see you earlier,

but Santa had a few things
to work out for himself,
a lesson to learn.

And he learned it.
He learned that life
is too short as it is

not to treasure
each day we're given.

That lesson was Santa's gift
to Santa this year.

And Santa's gift
to all of you? Ho, ho, ho!

Miss McCoy? Would you please
tell me what's going on here?

What can I say, sir.
Looks like Santa finally got
in the Christmas spirit.

[Chattering]

Ho, ho, ho! Well?

[All]
Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

This cruise has changed
my life, Julie.

I'm a new man,
ready for whatever life
has to throw in my face.

And when you're
a salesman, that could be
practically anything!

I still think you
should marry me.

Well, it's certainly the nicest
proposal I've received all week.

-Then you'll consider it?
-No.

Well, you can't blame a Santa
for trying. Have a good life.

You, too. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Captain, I just wanted
to say, "merry Christmas."

Yes?

Thank you.
And happy new year.

And a word of advice:
Give up the cards.

Oh, I'm afraid
my lifestyle's changing anyway.

I tried to warn him.

And I tried to warn her.

What the heck.
It's all a gamble, anyway!

[Theme music playing]