02x25 - Would You Wrather Be the Wagners?

[bunniefuu]

-Hey, Wratherheads.
-Jenna: Oh, I've had it!


Hold that thought.


Mom, what happened?


The kitchen faucet broke again
and sprayed water everywhere.


Huh, I really thought that gym sock


and three rubber bands you wrapped
around it would have done the trick.


Mr. Brunell is a plumber. I'm gonna
go next door and see if he can fix it.


You haven't done anything
to upset him recently, have you?


No! Wait.


His hair grew back, right?


(computer chimes)


As you can see, we've been
having a plumbing issue.


So today's question is


would you rather be
a human pipe cleaner...


Why are there bristles on the inside?
It tickles.


Or be a human plunger.


What? Human plunger?


You told me it was crazy hat day.


Vote now.


Plunger, plunger, plunger!


You remember my sister Marlowe.


She just moved home
from performing arts school


and hasn't met that many people yet,
so she's always up in my business.


Speaking of business, need a singer?


I'm available for parties,
ribbon cuttings, and bar mitzvahs.


Mazel tov.


The votes are in. Human pipe cleaner wins.


You're up, Ollie.


Oh, darn, you mean I don't get
to stick my head in a toilet?


Today, we have a dirty pipe
that's filled with mystery gunk.


That's my favorite kind of gunk.


All right, Ollie, get in that pipe.


Speaking of pipes, need a singer
for a boss's retirement party?


You're old and it's time to go


To all the children of the world,
dreams do come true.


-Uh...
-Uh, he's stuck.


-Nothing's moving.
-The pipe is clogged.


You know what that means.


All: Plunger! Plunger! Plunger!
Plunger! Plunger! Plunger!


Congratulations, kid.
You're back in showbiz.


(theme song playing)


Would you rather lose your phone


Or give up pizza for a month?


Share your diary with the world


Or have to eat it for your lunch?


Sing out of tune to your friends


Or trip and fall into your crush?


Shave your head, paint it red


Or use your dog's toothbrush?


We need a little Q and A


Come on, Wratherheads, play along


Would you rather do this?


Would you rather do this?


Would you rather do that?


Would you rather do that?


Don't matter what we do


We're doing it with you


I'd rather do that


Ask the world


Would you rather do this?


Would you rather do this?


Or would you rather just dance?


Or would you rather just dance?


No matter what we do


We're doing it with you


I'd rather do that


Ask the world!


Would you rather do that?


Guys, Cami and I have a huge surprise.


I know what it is. I've known for a week.


Who can keep a secret? This guy.


OK, remember Dad's annual tradition


of taking us to see
the Duluth Diamond Dogs?


Look at their faces.


They don't know what's coming.
They're going to freak!


Those baseball games
were some of the sweetest times


we spent together as a family.


I loved throwing peanut shells
at the rival fans.


Not in my house, Bismarck! Woof woof!


And I loved sitting with Dad,
pretending we didn't know who you were.


I loved the hot dog lady's
stories about prison.


You don't fink on Irma. Not in her yard.


Well, it's been a few years, so Cami and I
wanted to start the tradition back up.


-Which is why--
-They got you tickets to Saturday's game.


Both: Fred!


Sorry, but it's called
getting to the point.


Anyway, it's the biggest game of the year.


-The minor league championship.
-How'd you even get tickets?


-They sell out months in advance.
-We just went online and got lucky.


Guys, that is so sweet.
Wait, did you say the game is Saturday?


That's the only day
Mr. Brunell can fix the faucet.


Jenna, don't worry.
I'll stay and let Mr. Brunell in.


We're buds. I wave at him every morning
and he playfully pretends not to see me.


I appreciate that, Fred, but the only
other time we left you in charge


you let your grandma turn our house
into a bingo hall.


You got your cut.


Look, you can trust me
this time, I promise.


All right, but I'm depending on you.


-Let me get you a key.
-Good one, Jenna.


(laughs) I've had one for years.


"Let me get you a key."


You, madam, are a delight. (laughs)


(rock music playing)


(turns off music)


Marlowe, how much of that did you see?

Too much.


Fred, I have a problem.


Yeah, you creep up on people
like a horror movie ghost.


As you know, I've been preparing
for my spectacular one-person show.


Ooh, are you going to use any of those
opening jokes I wrote for you?


Those are jokes?


Anyway, some kids from my new school
are showing up at our house in an hour.


-Mom's gonna love that.
-That's the problem.


Mom just got called into work,


so I need you to come home and supervise,


or I'll have to cancel my performance.


I can't do that.


I promised Jenna I'd stay here
and wait for Mr. Brunell.


-(knock on door)
-That's probably him now.


Hey, Fred.


Wait, did I go to the wrong house again?


No, right house, but Charlotte's not here.


She's in Duluth at the Diamond Dogs game.


I didn't know she played baseball.


Nice!


Is this dude for real?


Charlotte will be back tonight
if you want to try later.


OK. I hope she hits a home run.


Sorry, Marlowe, looks like
you're staying here with me


and you'll have to cancel your show.


But my show...


is just beginning.


(rock music playing)


(organ plays)


Ooh, Twin Falls fans. Boo!


Chew on some potatoes, Idaho! Woof woof!


Mom, chill. That's someone's grandma.


Sorry, I'll behave. Fear the canines!


You made her cry.


You guys wait here.


The website said to pick up our tickets
at the will-call window.


Hey, welcome to Duluth Stadium,
home of the Diamond Dogs.


Woof woof!


Hi, we're trying to pick up tickets
for Wrather. Woof woof!


Um... oh, nope. Nothing under that name.
Woof woof.


Uh, can you check again?
We purchased five tickets.


Sorry, woof woof.


Uh, yeah, all I have left under "W"
is five tickets for Wagner.


(sadly) Woof woof.


Hey, enough with the woofs.


But the website said
to pick the tickets up here.


Uh-oh, sounds like someone
fell for an online ticket scam.


What? No. Coop, show him our receipt.


Uh, I don't have the receipt.
I thought you had it.


-Why would I have it?
-Everything OK?


-You betcha.
-So good. (chuckles nervously)


What are we gonna do?
We promised everyone tickets.


And Mom just drove two hours to get here.


(organ playing "Charge")


Guys, hurry. The game is starting.


You know what, I bet those
Wagner tickets are ours.


-They probably just mislabeled them.
-Yeah, kind of spelled the same.


-And it said five tickets.
-They must be ours.


-Hi, we're trying to pick up five tickets.
-We think they put them under Wagner.


-Well, now we have to do it.
-Both: Woof woof.


OK, Marlowe, I brought you your sun tea.


(indistinct chatter)


-Marlowe!
-Hey, Fred.


What is all this?


Remember how you told me
to cancel my show?


-Yes.
-Well, I didn't.


I moved it here
and it's starting in five minutes.


Thanks for understanding. Bye!


Uh-uh.


Is that Jenna's bedroom furniture?


-How'd you even get this stuff down here?
-I hired some muscle.


Hey, Fred!


Your sister asked for my help.
She's giving me a yo-yo.


She might give you a yo-yo.


Marlowe, I'm only here
to wait for Mr. Brunell.


Jenna trusted me with her house.


I'm not letting a bunch of kids
run loose in here.


This is important to me, Fred.


It's not easy making friends
when you're the new girl.


But once my classmates see


"The History of Lady M:
One Girl's Journey to Stardom,"


they'll see how grounded
and down to earth I am.


Ah.


Marlowe, that is not down to earth.
Shut if off now.


Forget it.
I'll just tell everyone to leave.


Get used to not having any friends.


(sighs)


OK, exactly how long is this show?


I'd say an hour. Four and a half, tops.


-One hour.
-So I can do it?


-Yes, you can do it.
-Thank you!


OK, blondie, you can bring in Melvin.


(whinnies)


Is that a mini-horse?


Yeah, for my grand entrance.


I wanted a big one,
but I blew all my cash on the sign.

The luxury box? These seats are crazy!


Are you sure we're in the right place?
This is so fancy.


I mean, not that I'm not fancy.


Sometimes, I buy the brand-name ice cream.


A buffet with three trays
of buffalo wings?


Mama, is this heaven?


Uh, Cami, I'm starting to think
the Wagner tickets weren't ours.


I think you're right.
We must have gotten scammed.


So it's either we leave
and ruin Dad's tradition,


or stay and hope the Wagners don't show.


-But what if they do?
-But what if they don't?


That is a really good point.


What a view!


Look at all those Twin Falls jerseys.
I am gonna make it rain peanut shells!


I don't know her.


Ah, you must be the Wagner children.


I'm Nancy Derricks,
owner of the Duluth Diamond Dogs.


Thank you for accepting my invitation.


Oh, well, thank you for giving it to us.


(chuckles nervously)


Us, the Wagners. That's our name.


So, is that your mother?


Oh, I'm such a fan of her writing.


Her books.


Oh, her books. (chuckles)


There isn't a Carolyn Wagner
book I haven't read.


My favorites are the ones
about your family.


I've read so many,
I feel like I know you myself.


You must be the twins
with psychic abilities.


I knew you were gonna say that.


(laughter)


And this must be young Pip,


the little guy with the genius IQ.


Whoo, those wings were spicy.
Get ready for the toot train.


Will you stop handing me half-eaten bones?


Let me guess... Victoria.


The cranky nanny with the heart of gold.


Cranky nanny with a what now?


Well, you enjoy yourselves.
I'm just going to say


-a quick hello to your mother.
-No! Um, she likes to keep to herself.


So it's probably best just to, you know,


leave her alone during the game.


Yes, I am aware that Carolyn Wagner
is a bit of a recluse.


Who are we talking about?


To be honest, I'm surprised she showed up.


I didn't even know
what she looked like until today.


Well, Mom does like to keep a low profile.


You're out!


Take that weak sauce back
to Twin Falls! Woof woof!


Whoo, but she sure does love
your Diamond Dogs.


You stole someone's tickets?


No, we didn't steal them.
We just assumed they were ours


and then found out they're not,
so now we're lying about our identities.


There's a difference.


Great, so now, I'm supposed
to be your nanny?


Yeah, just fetch us food
when we ask for it


and do whatever we say. Sound fun?


-That's not happening.
-Charlotte.


Look, OK, we didn't mean to lie.


We just wanted to continue
Dad's tradition.


And, and look how happy Mom is.


My grandmother could have
hit that curveball!


Do you really want to take
that joy away from her?


Fine. Even though I don't approve,


I don't want to be the one
to ruin Dad's tradition.


I'll be the beautiful nanny.


-It was cranky.
-Not anymore.


(clears throat)


It seems that Pip has found
the dessert tray.


Come on, Victoria, do your job. It's...


Let's go, Pip.


I don't speak to the help.


Toyland, toyland


Little girl and boy land


Childhood, am I right?


Hey, get your feet off there.


Your juice box better not have left
a ring on this table.


And at age four, I caught the acting bug.


What am I watching?
I thought this was a party.


There isn't even any cake.


No, stay out of that kitchen.


Uh, Fred.


We have a problem.


(thumping)


(neighs)


How could a horse lock himself
in the bathroom?


Not sure, but I do know one thing.


I do not want to go in there
when he's done.


Courtesy flush, bro.


(cheers and applause)


Here's the thing, John.
Just send me the report,


and I'll be happy to
look over the numbers.


-Ollie, what are you talking about?
-I have no idea.


Mr. Mayor, get over here, you rascal, you!


-OK, so far, so good.
-What part of this is good?


It's the fourth inning
and still no sign of the real Wagners.


-Me again.
-(all yelp)


Did I startle you? I figured you'd know

I was coming over before
I'd even thought about it.


Huh? Oh, oh, I was just in the middle
of telling my twin brother a joke.


(laughs)


Incredible.


I think you mean "twin-credible."


Stay in your lane, Victoria.


Ooh, mini tacos.


I know your mother is a private person,
but I would really love to say hello.


As would the rest of my book club.


A book club?


They have so many questions,
and I own the place, so...


it's happening.


Hi there, Nancy Derricks,
owner of the Diamond Dogs.


A meet and greet with
the owner of the team?


How much did you guys pay?


(laughter)


There's that sense of humor.


Just one of the many things
I love about you.


Oh, well, I'm sure there's lots of things
I love about you, too, lady I just met.


(laughter)


-You know, I've always wanted to ask--
-Oh, whoa!


Uh, is that a T-shirt cannon, Mom?


What, out of my way! Free stuff!


What do you mean the city doesn't deal
with angry ponies in bathrooms?


Why do we pay taxes?


Where'd everyone go?


They called their parents to pick them up
because they were bored.


I guess my show wasn't
a good idea for making friends.


Marlowe, you don't make friends
by performing for people.


You do it by getting to know them.


But how?


When I met Cooper, we were
just two kids in the sandbox.


But when we started talking,
we found out that we had a lot in common.


You'll make lots of friends.
You just have to let it happen.


You can't force it.


Thanks, Fred.


Oh, I almost forgot.


Someone left this on the door.


Oh, no! Mr. Brunell came to fix the faucet
but no one answered the door.


It's the one thing
Jenna asked me to do and I blew it.


Uh, Fred.


We have another problem with the horse.


What do you mean? You got him out.


Actually, he got himself out.


Are you kidding me?


Apparently, this guy likes to kick.


Oh, and he also ate all the little soaps.


Now his kisses smell like lavender.


Yes, they do.


I'm sorry, Fred. This is my fault.


No, it's my fault.


Jenna trusted me and I let her down.


So... where are we on that yo-yo?


(clears throat) Wipies.


(scoffs)


All clean.


Aww, now this is what it's all about.


Watching our Diamond Dogs
together as a family.


I'll be right back. I'm gonna go fight
that old lady for the last crab leg.


Guys, we made it seven innings
and still no Wagners.


I think we're home free.


-It's time!
-Uh, time for what?


At each game, we choose a celebrity


to lead the stadium in a rousing rendition
of the team fight song.


Today, it's your mother.


-What?
-Oh, boy.


Hey, Mom, remember when you said
this day couldn't get any better?


Well, it did. You just won a contest.


Yeah, we sent in a video of you singing,


and they chose you to do
the th inning stretch fight song.


Are you kidding me?


That is awesome!


I'm not totally surprised.


My talents couldn't go
unrecognized forever.


Organ player is about to begin.


This is so fun! Hello, Duluth.


Time to bust out the bag.


When the Diamond Dogs
Take the field, woof woof


The other team is sure to yield


OK.


Look, that's me!


Oh, hey, they messed up.
I'm not Carolyn Wagner.


What do you mean
you're not Carolyn Wagner?


I'm Jenna Wrather.


We swing our bats
We'll b*at those rats


We are the Diamond Dogs, woof woof


Get that mic away from her.


Tell me when it's over.


What? Hey!


Can someone please tell me
what's going on?

We, um, we might have used
someone else's tickets


thinking they were ours.


Woof woof?


(Charlotte chuckles nervously)


I'm just the hired help.
I was duped into all of this.


Mrs. Derricks, I am so sorry.


We're gonna go.


Yes, yes, I think that'd be best.


OK, oh!


Mr. Mayor, you have my deets. Text me.


I brought over all the tools I could find.


-Whoa.
-Surprise.


This place looks great.


But it won't make much difference.


The kitchen faucet and bathroom door
are still broken.


Nope, all fixed.


I patched the door and sealed the faucet.


I come from a family of handymen.


(clears throat)


Sorry. Handypeople.


Wow, you guys really saved me.


Well, you were there for me,
so I wanted to be there for you.


I earned my yo-yo, dude.


Thanks, guys. It all worked out.
Jenna will never know what happened.


(neighing)


Oh, man. I knew I forgot something.


No, bad Melvin!


Why didn't you go
when you were locked in the bathroom?


That's not nice.


All: Ugh, ugh, ugh.


I can't believe you took
someone else's tickets.


-We're sorry. We thought they were ours.
-And when we realized they weren't,


we just went along with it because
we didn't want to ruin Dad's tradition.


Mom, I felt the same way you do.
But once they explained


the reason they were doing it,
in a weird way, it made sense.


Oh, by the way,
I can't make dinner on Thursday.


The mayor and I
are recording our first podcast.


Sorry we let you down.


Look, I get why you did it.


But Dad's tradition wasn't even
about a baseball game.


He just wanted to make sure
we spent time together as a family.


Well, aside from being kicked out
and publicly humiliated,


mission accomplished.


Well, I'm still mad.
I never got to finish my song.


Well, I think we can fix that.


All: When the Diamond Dogs
Take the field, woof woof


(singing off-key)
The other team is sure to--


Let's just wait until we're in the car.


Fred, thanks for house-sitting for us.


Yeah, I'm impressed.
Not a bingo card in sight.


Yeah, although, does anyone else
smell horse?


-It's Ollie.
-How dare...


(sniffs) Yep, that's me.


Victoria, wipies.


Uh, anyone want anything from the kitchen?


-No, I'm good.
-Just more popcorn.


Dixon filled me in.
Your secret's safe with me.


You're just lucky my boyfriend
is such a good handyman.


(water running)


Jenna: Yay, the faucet's fixed!


(Jenna yelps)


Jenna, you broke it!


Jenna: Out of my way!