01x04 - Adventures in Babe-Sitting

[bunniefuu]

Now look mysterious.


Great.


Now hungry. Like it, love it!


Okay, now confused.


-How do I do confused?
-Perfect!


Darn, we're out of film.
And I'm out of money.


Me, too. I already spent
all my allowance.


Wait, today's the first Monday
of the month.


Allowance day. We're saved!


Save that face! I want to use it later.


Dad, I am so glad you're home!


Aw, that's so sweet!


You want that allowance
electronically or in cash?


-Cash please.
-All right.


Thanks, Dad.


You know, not so fast.


Don't you owe me
for those jeans you bought yesterday?


Who can remember that far back?


And didn't I pay for a photo app
that makes you look like a pirate?


We all have regrets.


Dad, you left me with three dollars.


What can I buy with that?


A small fro-yo.


Which I paid for yesterday.


Dad, my allowance isn't cutting it.


I need a raise,
so why don't you say a number


and I'll say mine and we'll do
the old give and take, back and forth.


You know, Sydney,
when I was your age, I had a job.


Work with me, big guy!


Oh, hi guys, hope I'm not interrupting,
but, Noodle, you left this in my car.


I think there's
an important assignment on page .


Oh, no. Gimme that.


You're sneaking her $?


Mom, I'm trying to teach Sydney
some personal responsibility,


and you need to respect that.


You're right, I do.


[imitating sneeze] Cheapskate.


Your dad's right. We need jobs.


Well, what about a lemonade stand?


Nah, once you lose your freckles,
the market turns against you.


You hit and the party's over.


-Hey, how about babysitting?
-Great idea!


And we've got a hook: there's two of us!


That's right! Double the fun,
twice the nice.


You see where I'm going with this, girl.


All the way to the piggy bank!


So what should we call ourselves?


-Toddler Tamers?
-Silly Sitters?


-Shenani-nannies?
-Not there yet.


Not even close.


[theme music playing]


Like father, like daughter
we don't always agree


But looking at you
Is like looking at me


The more things change
The more they stay the same


Like father, like daughter
From different times


Taking all the best
From your decade and mine


The more things change


The more they stay the same


The more they stay the same


Any hits from the babysitting app?


No. I don't get it.


We had our first job two weeks ago
and since then, nothing.


And we crushed it!


Oh, that baby got sat!


Oh great, a bake sale!


And all I can scrounge up is cents.


-Look, Zach Thompson!
-[coins clinking]


Olive, what are you doing?


I changed five poopy diapers
for that money!


Sorry, but Zach's like
the coolest th-grader ever!


He's on the swim team and voted best hair!


I voted for him twice.


Olive, stop staring.
You're embarrassing us.


Hey, I think this is yours.


And B-T-dubs,
I recommend the snickerdoodles.


"Zank" you, "Thach".


I mean, thank you, "t*nk"!


"Jood gob", Sydney!


[phone dinging]


Olive, we got a hit!


A woman wants us
to babysit this Saturday!


Yes! We gotta celebrate!


We'll take half a cookie.


Max, I'm going out Saturday night,


so I called that sitter you like, Marla.


I hate Marla.


She makes me clean my room
and go to bed on time.


Oh, that's right. I like her.


Mom, I don't need a babysitter anymore.


I'm a man.


Why, because you no longer have to sit
on the pony chair when you get a haircut?


And other man things!


Come on, Mom!


Think of all the money you'll save
if you don't have to pay a sitter.


-Where are you going?
-To cancel Marla!


Congratulations, you're a man.


You bet I am!


I'll also cancel the gardener.


From now on, you're mowing the lawn.


Can't believe my baby's babysitting.


Okay, girl bosses. You ready to roll?


Yep, and we got our
secret babysitting w*apon:


The Fun Funbox.


We got puppets, face paint, balloons.


What about the googly eyes?


Couldn't find them.
I even put on these glasses to look.


I still don't see
why I can't take you guys.


Because you're so nervous
about me babysitting.


I don't want a repeat of last time.


Again, I had the binoculars


because I just happened to be
bird watching in front of the house.




Officer Flanagan understood.
Why can't you?


Grandma, help.


Don't worry, girls.
You watch your kid, I'll watch mine.


Okay, boys, I rented you
a bunch of movies,


and you have the number
of my new mobile phone.


Whoa! You got the new tiny one!


I did!


Now remember, I'm trusting you
without a sitter.


If you mess up, I will make you regret
the day you were born.


Have fun.


Okay, Leo, ready to watch
a little kung fu?


Does this answer your question?


Ha! Ha! Hee-ya!


Not really.


Oh man, the video store
put the wrong movie in the box.


They gave us "Doll of Death."


Isn't that that scary movie
about that maniac doll


that kills everyone in town?


[sighing] Yeah.


Let's watch it!


Are you kidding?


My cousin fainted in that movie,


and he's a gravedigger!


Oh, I got an idea!


Let's start the movie and the first person
to say "stop tape" loses.


You're on.


And no hiding behind hands,
pillows, or blankies.


Oh man, we're playing street rules!


So, Dylan's dinner is in the fridge,
bedtime is :,


and no visitors under any circumstances.


Don't worry about a thing, Ms. Taylor.
Dylan's in great hands.


Nobody's more fun than Olive.


Aww, and nobody's more fun than Sydney.


-Aww, so sweet!
-Kind of in a hurry, girls.


Oh, right.


And if all goes well tonight, I can
guarantee you two a lot more work.


-Really?
-I happen to be president of the PTA


and know a lot of people,
people who need a break from their kids.


Oh, that came out wrong.


There he is now.


Hi, Dylan. I'm Sydney.


And I'm Olive.
We're your baby-sitters tonight.


Whoa! There's two of you?


That's our slogan:
"Two for one and twice the fun! Ah!"


All right.


Good night, sweetie.
Listen to your sitters.


[Sydney] So, Dylan...


Are you ready for the best
babysitting experience of your life?


Yay!


[both] Yay!


Yay!


Wizard, we didn't mean to trespass
on your magical forest.


Yes, please don't put a curse on us!


Too late!
And now, I turn you into a cow!


Moo! Moo!


And I turn you into a pig!


[Olive snorting]


-Oink, oink!
-Moo! Moo!


[animal noises continue]


-Sydney, Sydney!
-Moo! Moo!


I am not Sydney. I am a cow.


Moo! Moo!


So, what's going on?


-Zach.
-Thompson.


Hi.


-What's up, little bro?
-What are you doing home?


My buddy flaked on me,
so I'm gonna be chilling here.


Have fun on the farm!


Come on, let's keep playing!


Just a sec.


[girls screaming]


So Zach's your brother?


-Yeah.
-What's he like?


Stinky.


Can you be more specific?


Why doesn't he babysit you?


'Cause we fight.


Why are we talking about him?
I want to have fun!


You're right, Dylan.
Tonight is about you.


Or should I say the wizard?


Yes, and the wizard wants
a goblet of unicorn tears.


Coming right up!


Cry for me, unicorn, cry.


Okay, I'll just think about Zach
walking in on us.


[wailing]


No, I meant I want apple juice.


Oh, why didn't you say so?


One apple juice coming right up!


And make it quick!


Let's not push it, Dylan.


-Hey.
-Zach, hi.


We met upstairs. I was the cow. Moo!


So...


You're eating a sandwich.


Ham and Swiss, or as I like to call it,
a Zach snack att*ck.


I'm gonna call it that, too.


Unless that's weird
because my name's not Zach.


I wish it were Zach. No, that's weirder.


I need juice.


Oh good, you're back.


So, how were the girls
when you dropped them off?


Did you meet the parents?
What were they like? Were they nice?


I don't know. It was hard to hear
over the stray dogs and the wood chipper.




What? Are you messing with me?


Yes, and it's getting way too easy.


Chillax, she's just babysitting!
Everything's fine.


Of course it is. You're right.
I'm gonna call her.


Before you do, can I peep your phone?
There's a new feature I want to show you.


-Yeah, what's the feature?
-Parental control. Get some.


[woman on TV screaming]


-Ahh!
-We said no pillow.


-[chainsaw buzzing on TV]
-Ahh!


We said no hands.


Admit it, Leo, you're scared.


-You want to stop the tape.
-Never.


[evil cackling on TV]


Okay, I'm done. Turn that thing off!


Yes! I win!


I wasn't scared at all.


-What are you doing?
-I'm going home.


What? You can't leave me alone!


-Then come with me.
-I can't!


Then my mom will think I'm too scared
to stay by myself.


You are too scared to stay by yourself.


Well, I can't let her know.


If she finds out, I'll have a babysitter
until I really am a man.


Sorry, I gotta go call my dad.


-Change your mind?
-No...


Walk me to the phone?


You'd never think a tiger and a parrot
could be friends.


But it gives the world hope, you know?


That is so deep.


You wouldn't expect that
from someone who spends so much time


with their head in the water.


I know, people underestimate me.


-[monkey chattering on TV]
-Hey, this one's my favorite!


The monkey farts himself out of a tree.


Hope, now humor.


You have so many sides!


Oh, hi Zach. I'm Olive.


-We met earlier.
-Sure, I remember.


-Really?
-Yeah.


You were a pig and she was a cow.


He's so observant!


Sydney, can I see you for a sec?


But, but, but-- Be right back.


Sydney, you left me all alone with Dylan.


What happened to,
"Two for one and twice the fun"?


So far, it's been,
"One for one and none the fun."


You're right, you're right.


I got distracted by Zach.


And I'm not gonna make any excuses,


but it was the hair and the eyes.


But mostly the hair.


Just go upstairs and I'll get the juice.


Olive, the kitchen's that way.


Really?


For some reason, I want to go that way.


Let's make a pact. From now on,


neither of us try to hang
with the Zach att*ck.


It's what he calls ham and Swiss.


That's so cute!


It's adorable.


-But we're not gonna hang with him.
-No way.


[doorbell rings]


-Hey!
-[Sydney] Whoa!


Those are Zach's cool friends.


That's Mia and Hudson and Whitney!


[gasping] Whitney's an influencer!


She's the reason
I'm wearing this lip gloss!


I don't even like it,
but I'm under her influence!


Wait, Zach's mom said
absolutely no friends.


I think we gotta ask them to leave.


I think we do.


Hey, listen, I know my mom
probably said no friends,


but you guys are cool, right?


Well, actually...


-Yeah, um--
-Hey, come have a slice with us.


-Love to!
-Totally!


I can't believe th-graders
asked us to hang!


Olive, we're on the brink of coolness.


I'm excited, too, but I'm not showing it,
because I'm practicing being cool.


[sighing] But we have to do
a good job with Dylan, too.


No reason we can't do both.


Right, now set your face to babysitter.


-Hey, Dyl!
-Hi, buddy!


Where have you been?


Coming up with a new game we can all play.


It's called, eh...


-Space...
-Astronaut.


How do we play?


Good question.


Olive, why don't you tell him.


[chuckles] Well...


First, we're gonna do
some light stretching.


And Sydney will tell you the rest.


Well, you're the space astronaut--


Yeah! Am I gonna save the planet?


You took the words right out of my mouth.


But you've been caught in a force field!


-There's no escape!
-That's right.


Now, we're gonna go downstairs and...


Look for the code that shuts down
the force field?


You've played this game before.


All right, Mom, I've learned my lesson.


I'm not gonna call Sydney.


Now where'd you hide my phone?


Tough cookies. Not telling.


You are so immature.


Let's play the hot and cold game!


Cold.


Cold...


Warm, warmer--
Oh, hot! You're burning up!




Aha, it's in the garage! I knew it!


[doorknob jiggling]


Really, Mom?
This is why we have trust issues!


And then Christine trips


and her tacos fly
right into Amber's backpack.


That is so Christine!


-You know her?
-Huh?


Yeah, everyone knows Christine.


She's got the hair...


and... the teeth.


[Zach] Hey!


Let's play a game.


I know! Two truths and a lie.


You guys know how to play, right?


[chuckling] Do we know how to play?


[whispering] Do we?


I don't.


-That is so Hudson!
-[all laughing]


I can't believe
we're playing a game with them!


We are so in!


Hey, you guys ditched me!


Dylan! What are you doing down here?


Hey buddy!
How about we talk over here?


So, how'd you get out of the force field?


I turned the light off.


I know what you're doing.


You're trying to hang out
with my brother and his friends.


Well, that's a pretty big accusation.


I don't know what that means,


but I know
they're not supposed to be here.


And if you don't get rid of them,
I'm going to call my mom.


Are you giving us an ultimatum?


I don't know what that means, either.
But I'm going to say yes.


Olive, what are we going to do?


If Dylan tells his mom,
our babysitting careers are over.


But if we kick the th-graders out,
they'll hate us.


And I had big dreams for us,
Sydney. Big dreams.


-Sitting at their lunch table--
-I didn't even want to say it out loud.


[phone ringing]


Hi, Dad.


Hey, Syd, just checking in,
seeing how everything's going.


Uh, Dad, can't talk.


-[laughter in background]
-What's going on? I hear laughter.


[gasping] Older boy laughter!


Kid's brother
had some friends come over,


but they're not supposed to be here.


Dealing with it. Gotta go.


-Syd? Syd! Sy--
-[door opens]


Hey! How'd you find your phone?


I remembered your old hiding spot.


I also found my old slide whistle.


Why would you hide this from a little boy?


'Cause one of you had to go,
and I already paid for your braces.


Who's there?


I have a Wiffle bat
and I'm not afraid to use it!


[sighing] Oh, Mom.


Max, what's going on?
Why are you dressed like that?


Dressed like what?


I always wear this when you're not home.


I see, and where's Leo?


Leo got scared and went home.


But not you. You were fine, right?


Oh yeah! But you know...


If it makes you feel better
for me to have a sitter...


It's okay.


Really? You'd do that for me?


That's very considerate.


Not that you need one.
After all, you are a man.


Don't you forget it.


"Doll of Death"?


Where?


[screaming] Save yourself!


Olive, I think we both know


what we need to do
with Zach and his friends.


-Kick them out.
-Let them stay.


[in unison] You're right.


Hey, listen, sorry to bail on you guys,


but Whitney just heard about a party
over on Maple, so we're gonna roll.


Oh, no!


-Could this be more perfect?
-We're saved!


[knocking on door]


Who are you?


I'm from Neighborhood Watch.


There's been some complaints
in the neighborhood,


so we're shutting down
all parties in this vicinity.


Ah, man!


But not the one they're going to...


on Maple!


Maple, Elm, Oak... All the tree streets.


Guess we'll just have to stay here.


Sorry, this party's gotta end, too.


This isn't a party. It's just a kickback.


It's not even a kickback. It's a hang.


Kickbacks, hangs, potlucks,
they're all going down.


My dad's president
of the Neighborhood Watch.


-What's your name?
-Uh... my name?


My name is Jerff... Fergelmeister.


-Can you spell that?
-No.


I've gotta check in with headquarters,
but I need whatever this is shut down.


Well, you heard Jerff.
Sounds like he meant business.


Forget Jerff.


There's no way a hang is on the list.


Yeah, we're staying here.


[sighing] What now?


Let's put on our big girl pants
and do what we need to do.


Don't worry, Syd. I got this.


Zach, we have something we need to say.


Hey, guys, guys. Quiet.


Olive has something to say,
it sounds really important.


That's right, um...




It would be really nice
if you guys would consider--


and this is just a request, not a demand.


-Actually more like--
-You guys gotta go.


What?


Sorry, Zach,
but your mom made us responsible


and we promised her
there wouldn't be any friends over.


So you're kicking us out?
That's such a th-grade move.


We thought you were cooler than that.


Wait, no, they're right.


My mom left them in charge,
and I don't want to get them in trouble.


[both] Aww!


Let's go. We can hang at my place.


Catch you later!


Olive, where are you going?


Again, just wanting to head that way.


Come on.


Now let's go tell Dylan
his babysitters are back.


[phone dinging]


And just in time.
His mom's five minutes away.


Hey, D-Man! We're back!


And all those kids are gone,
so it's all about Dylan!


I don't care! You guys
are the worst babysitters ever!


We didn't even finish
the space astronaut game.


We only have five minutes
to make him happy.


Tick-tock, tick-tock!


We can still finish the game now.


I don't wanna.


Well, I guess we're just
gonna have to finish the game ourselves.


Now, where were we?


The space astronaut had just escaped
from the force field.


But since he's not here, we the two aliens
can finally conquer Earth.


Mwah-ha-ha-ha!


[both evil cackling]


-No, you won't!
-We won't?


No! Space astronaut to the rescue!


You aliens are trapped!


He's right! We are!


There's gotta be a way out!


Not if I wrap you in a space web!


[girls screaming]


Dylan, I'm home!


Where is everybody?


Oh my!


So looks like you had fun!


Best babysitters ever!


Please, tell your friends!


Sorry, we're booked
for the next six Saturdays,


but we'll call you back if anyone cancels.


We are on fire!


We should change our slogan
to "Two for one and twice the price."


What happened to the fun part?


You're right. Success has gone to my head.


It's the g*ng! Hey, guys! It's us.


What?


They don't even remember us.


Who needs 'em?


Hey, Olive, Sydney! Have a great day!


[both] "Zank" you, "Thach"!


[man] Oh, yeah!