01x01 - Pilot

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Silver Spoons". Aired: September 25, 1982 - May 11, 1986.*
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Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.
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01x01 - Pilot

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Here we are
Face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find
We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go,
Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

[DOORBELL RINGING]

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]

[BELL RINGING]

Hi, guys.

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]

Things have changed
here, Lou.

Last time I was here,

he'd hired Indians
to att*ck the train.

Leonard, Lou, up for
a quick game of Pac-Man?

Uh, no.
Uh, thanks, but maybe later.

Okay.

We've got something
important to discuss with you.

Uh-huh.

You see,
the thing is...

Hold that thought.
I love this part.

[VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYING]

Yeah.

God,
I live for that.

Go ahead,
I'm listening.

Edward, you've been ducking
our calls for weeks.

Now you--you can't
put this off any longer.

We've got to talk
about your finances.

Okie-dokie.

You see,
as your business manager,

it is my responsibility
to tell you that...

Your lawyer has something
to tell you.

Thanks, Lou.

I guess the best way
to do this is

to come right out with it.
Fine.

You're broke.

["GAME OVER" MUSIC PLAYING]

I don't understand.

You see, Edward,

I've been going over your books
a number of times.

And it seems there is
a cash flow problem.

Oh. What does
that mean?

You're broke!

["GAME OVER" MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, Leonard,
don't be a pimp.

If there's a problem,
you'll handle it.

You always do.

I don't think there's anything
anyone can do this time.

Now,

is that the spirit
that won the West, hmm?

I don't think so.

You talk to him, Lou.

I'll try.
[CLEARS THROAT]

Edward,

[VERY SLOWLY]
all your money...

...is gone.

Gone?

Gone.

[LAUGHS]

That's impossible.
I'm rich.

I was born rich,
I'm gonna die rich.

Then you should
have d*ed yesterday.

Hey, Lou, you know
what they say?

"Smile and the whole world
smiles with you.

Frown and you get lines
on your head that trap lint."

Your turn, Leonard.

Edward,

I want you
to look at me.

All righty.

Let me explain the concept
of no more money.

You've got to realize what
this situation means to you.

It means

no more yacht races in Florida.
Oh.

No more weekends in Paris.
Aww.

And no more servants
in this house.

Now wait
just a minute.

I draw the line
at servants.

Edward,
servants get paid.

They will not
work for free.

Mine will.

They've been with me
since I was a child.

They love me.
They'd never leave me.

You know, from now on I'm gonna
have to stagger their vacations.

Look, Edward, we've been
friends a long time and,

and I'll do whatever I can
to get you out of this mess.

Thanks, Lou.

Don't forget
the picnic Sunday.

I'm bringing the weenies.

Yeah, weenies.

See, Edward? That's
your problem in a nutshell.

Life to you is,
"I'm bringing the weenies."

You take
no responsibility

for your own affairs.

You just don't care!

But you do.
[SCOFFS]

That's what I like
about you, Leonard.

Now I realize there's
a problem with my finances.

Something about
my cash not...

Flowing.
Right.

Well, fix it.
Edward, I can't...

Len.

Len. Len.

Your problem is

you don't have enough
faith in yourself.

Come on now, suck in that gut,
stick out the chin.

Get out there
and smell a rose or two.

And bring me back my bucks.

Dad?

Not unless you were born
in Philadelphia.

Oh. Well, I took a sh*t.

Mom's a liberal.

Who do you wanna see?

Edward Stratton III.

Ah, the man
of the house?

He's over there,

behind the train
of the house.

Thanks.

[VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYING]

Mr. Stratton?
Yeah.

Are you Edward Stratton III?

That's me.

Pleased to meet ya.
Hi.

I'm your son.

["GAME OVER" MUSIC PLAYING]

Son?

Son?

Gee, I...

[STAMMERING]
Yeah, but-but how?

Yeah, but when? Who?

Evelyn, your ex-wife,
remember?

How can we have a son?

We weren't married that long.

Well, it doesn't
take that long.

Oh.

So, y--

You're...

...my...

...son.

Great.

So...

What can I do for you?

Shake my hand?
All right.

You in the service
or what?

I'm in m*llitary school.

Oh.

Hey, have I got
the game for you!

It's right over there.

See, now,
it's called Swamp Wars.

You're a space froggy
being att*cked

by a swarm of nuclear-powered
moon flies.

If you use your electronic
tongue to sort of...

You know, Evelyn used to
look at me just like that...

Edward, I was just
going over your notes and--

Oh,
excuse me.

No, no, Kate, Kate.
Uh...

This is my personal
secretary, Kate Summers.

Kate, this is my...

My...
Son.

Son.

His name is-is...

Ricky.
Ricky.

I didn't know
you had a son.

Join the club.

Kate,
what can I do for you?

Well, I-I got your note

and I want to make sure
I understand it correctly.

You want to make a donation
to Toys For Tots?

Yes. It's a very
worthy charity.

Yes, but the note says that
you want to donate a Ferrari?

Well, it's a small car.

Well, I spoke to Lou

and he told me about
your cash flow problem.

Why don't I just hold off
on this donation?

Okay.

Kate.
Yes?

Listen, thanks for sticking
by me through this.

I'm sure the problem
is only temporary but,

it's nice
to know you're not.

Well, you know,

you can always
count on me.

KATE:
Uh,

very nice
meeting you, Ricky.

My pleasure.

Uh, say,
have you had lunch?

No.
I tell you what.

I'll make you a sandwich
and leave it in the kitchen.

Okay?
All right.

All right.
Where's the kitchen?

Oh. Well,
if you take the train

through the next
two rooms,

you'll find yourself
at Ghost Town.

Bear right
at the abandoned mineshaft,

get off at
the old mail hook,

and from there, just follow
the Burma-Shave signs.

Thanks.
You're welcome. See you later.

The old mail hook?

Yeah, well, nobody
really uses it anymore.

Don't you think we should
talk or something, Dad?

[CLEARS THROAT]
Yeah, well, good idea.

And nothing better
than a nice chat

over a rousing
game of foosball.

Do you, sort of,
work or anything?

Not so far. Knock wood.

Is there anything you
wanna know about me?

There's more?
Score!

Hey!

Nice sh*t.
You know,

I've always tried
to imagine what you look like.

Whenever I asked Mom,

she'd show me a picture
of a horse's rear end.

Now, see,
the temptation here

would be to insult
your mother back.

But I like to think
I'm bigger than that.

See, I take into account the
fact that she's over 30 now.

And that's 210
in dog years.

Dad.
Hmm?

You're a great guy.
Thanks.

Whoa! You sneaky
little devil.

Watch this one.

Score!

It works every time.

How did you do that?

I cheated.

No, how did you get
the drapes to close?

Oh, oh, that. See.

It's a computer. Everything's
computerized in this house.

Computers are incredible.

See, what they do is...

Well, how they work...

Well, let's face it,
nobody knows how they work.

I do.
You do?

Listen, does your computer
have random access memory

or is it read-only memory?

Probably.

You really do know about
this stuff, don't you?

Score!
Hey, you cheated.

Runs in the family.

Hey, Ricky, um,

what's a kid like you doing
in m*llitary school anyway?

Shouldn't you be home
having fun?

Well, sending me to m*llitary
school was kind of Mom's idea.

You see, she just got married
again to some ski instructor,

and they said they wanted to go
to Switzerland for the season.

They said
I'd just be in the way.

Oh, that's low.

What parent would say
a thing like that

about their own kid?

So could I stay
here with you?

Oh, well, Ricky,
you're a kid.

See, this place
isn't set up for kids.

This is, uh...
This is an adult house.

Your puck.

Something wrong?

Dad, I don't wanna go back
to m*llitary school.

Couldn't I stay here
with you for a while?

Well, I...
I'm not expensive.

I mean, it won't cost
much to feed me.

I don't eat a lot.
I got a real small body.

Ricky, it just
wouldn't work out.

Oh, sure it would.

I need somebody and I think
you need somebody, too.

We could look out
for each other.

It's just not the right time.
I'll tell you what.

Let's have
a great afternoon

and leave it at that,
okay?

Sure. Okay.

I'll go get
my sandwich now.

Thanks for playing
a game with me.

Now when my kids ask
what Grandpa was like,

I can tell them he was
a real whiz at foosball.

Hey, nothing personal.

Yeah, I'll tell
them that, too.

What I won't tell them
is the truth.

The truth?

That nobody wanted me.

[LAUGHING]

LOUIS:
I'm telling you, Cherry,

we're home free.

Stratton hasn't got
a clue what's going on.

LOUIS:
I picked him clean.

[LOUIS LAUGHING]

LOUIS:
Well, he--he thinks he's spent
all his money on charity.

He's got no idea
that charity is me.

Okay, honey, us.

Come on, you know that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, baby.

LOUIS:
No, I--I better meet you
at the airport.

Yeah, we're catching
the 5:15 flight to Paris.

No, I just want to go over
the figures one last time.

You know, maybe
I missed $100.

[LAUGHS]

Yeah. Yeah.

[KISSING]
Mmm. You, too. Ciao.

[MAKES NOISE WITH THE DOOR]

[IN CHILDISH VOICE]:
Hi, mister.

Oh. Hey, kid.

What you doing?

Oh, just working.

Gee.
What's that thing?

It's a computer.

You, uh, know anything
about computers?

No.
Good.

But it sure looks like fun.

Uh-huh.

What's your name?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Louis Morgan.
Mr. Stratton's business manager.

I bet you make a
billion zillion dollars.

Hmm. Yeah, lately. Heh.

Who are you?

My name's Ricky.

I'm new in the neighborhood.
Mmm-hmm.

Thought I'd stop by
and say, "Hi."

Well.

Hi.

Yeah, hi, kid.

What's that?

Oh, that's just
my bank account.

No need to look at that.

That's neat. Can you show me
the Incredible Hulk?

Uh, no.

Can you show me
the Hulk's bank account?

Uh, no. You see, it only
shows the bank accounts

of people that
I program into it.

When I want to see
that information,

I press these buttons.

Oh, you mean like this?
No, no, no.

Only Uncle Lou
should touch the buttons.

But I wanna see
some bank accounts!

Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.

Okay, like whose?

Um, I know.

Show me Mr. Stratton's
bank account.

Bet you can't do that.

Listen, kid, you know
I'm kind of busy...

I wanna see it now!
All right, all right.

All right, you little...

Okay, there.

LOUIS: See?
RICKY: Wow.

There's nothing
but zeroes.

Yep. That's 'cause Uncle Lou
knows what he's doing. Heh.

Okay, kid,
I gotta get going.

I have a very important
appointment.

Uncle Lou has to meet

Aunt Cherry.

Au revoir.

Hope I see you again.

Behind bars.

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]

Leonard, for the last time,
I refuse to sell this house.

I mean, face it,

this train would look
silly in an apartment.

Hey, Dad.

I thought
we settled that.

He means me.

Hi, Ricky.
What are you doing?

Can I show you something?
Okie-dokie.

All right,
take a look at this.

This is
your bank account.

EDWARD:
Wow.

There's nothing
but zeroes.

What does that mean?

BOTH:
You're broke.

Now this

is your business
manager's bank account.

EDWARD:
Hey,

Lou's doing all right
for himself.

Yeah, lately.

Now we've seen your bank account
and Lou's bank account.

What does that
tell you?

Well, it's obvious.

Lou's got a lot
more money than I do.

I think I better
talk to you.

I think I'm
with you, Ricky.

Edward, according
to these figures,

Lou's been siphoning off
your money

and putting it
in his account.

You know something?

Call it a hunch,
but I think Lou's a crook.

I can't believe
the nerve of that guy.

He came to me
looking for a job

'cause he couldn't get one on
account of his prison record.

I said, "Hey, how about
handling my money?"

And he turns right around
and steals from me.

I don't know. Maybe
I just can't read people.

Well,
don't feel bad.

Lou suckered me, too.

I better call the police
and have Lou picked up.

And, Edward,
from now on,

please let me know when you hire
someone with a prison record.

Okay, Leonard.

Uh, Leonard.

What?

Now that you mention it,

you know the fellow that
put in my burglar alarm?

I'll take care of it.

You think everything's
gonna be okay now?

Yeah, why don't you go
get that sandwich, Ricky?

You sure earned it.
All right.

You see?

We're gonna learn
a lot from each other.

Yeah. Ricky, you did
real good. I'm--

I'm proud of you.

Thanks.

Hi, Kate.
Hi.

After I eat, can you
show me my bedroom?

KATE:
Uh, sure.

Boy, you sure
made him happy.

Yeah.

But you're not
so happy.

Kate.

I want you to do
something for me.

Yeah, what?

I want you to drive Ricky
back to m*llitary school.

You mean you're gonna tell that
little boy he has to go back?

No, I thought
you'd do that, too.

Wait a minute.
Uh...

Don't you think that that
is your responsibility?

Yeah.
Oh, good.

I can't, Kate.

Edward,

you've got to.

I like Ricky.
I don't wanna hurt him.

Then why don't you
let him stay?

Kate, what kind of an example
would I be for that little boy?

I was a rotten son.
I was a lousy husband.

What makes you think
I'll be different as a father?

You could try.

No.

If Ricky stays,

I'm afraid it'll just
end up hurting him more.

Truth is, he's better off
without me.

[VIDEO GAME SOUNDS]

Uh, Ricky.
Hey, Kate.

Wanna see my space froggy
suck up some moon flies?

Watch this.

[SLURPING]

[BURPS]

You know, I think I dated
a space froggy once.

Uh, listen, Ricky, why don't we
sit down and talk for a minute?

Sure.

[SIGHS]

You know, this is
a great place.

I hope we never move.

Yeah.

Uh, Ricky,

I just had a talk
with your dad and,

you're gonna have to go
back to m*llitary school.

Oh.

Well, why didn't
he tell me himself?

He wanted to but got
an urgent business call

and he had to leave.

You're lying, aren't you?

Yeah.

Uh, listen, Ricky,

there's something you've got
to know about your dad.

Well, he's a very good man

and he likes you
very much.

But he has trouble
accepting responsibility.

I guess you could say
he just never grew up.

But I helped him.

He said he was proud of me.

Well, I thought that...

Well, what I mean is that...

I was hoping he was...

Kate, I wanna have a father.

Oh, I know.

I'm sorry.

It's okay. Let's go.

No, we don't have
to leave this minute.

Why don't you stay and...
No, it's okay. Let's go now.

All right. But
wait a minute.

Uh...

Why don't you take this
picture of your dad with you?

No, thanks.

If he doesn't want me,

I don't want the picture
of him, either.

[TAPPING ON BED]

Cut it out, Derek!

Are you still looking
at that stupid picture?

You call this picture
stupid once more

and your tooth fairy's
gonna need a wheelbarrow.

Oh, come off it,
creep face.

You told me you were gonna
go live with your father

and you'd never have
to come back here again.

Well, you're here,
just like I told you.

He probably took one look
at you and threw you out,

just like your mother did.

You know, Derek,

now I see why all your
gerbils commit su1c1de.

Look, my father loves me.

Oh?

Then how come you're
the only kid around here

who nobody comes to see
on Parents' Day?

[SNIFFLING]

[IN DEEP VOICE]:
Ricky!

Hi, Dad.

How did you know
it was me?

Swamp Things don't wear
Lacoste shirts, Dad.

Oh.

So, how you doing?

Do you really care?

Hey, come on, now.

Swamp things have
feelings, too, you know.

Can I sit down?

Go ahead.
Good.

Dad.
Hmm?

What are you doing here?

Oh.
Well, after you left,

I remembered there was something
I forgot to say to you.

What?

Don't leave.

Is this another one
of your games or something?

No, Ricky.

I mean it.

[MUMBLING]
What changed your mind?

What?

What changed your mind?

Oh, well, you know,
I was thinking.

You were right. I think we can
learn a lot from each other.

A kid your age shouldn't be
stuck here in m*llitary school.

All they teach you here
is how to be a little man.

You ought to have a chance
to be a little boy.

I could help you with that.

Boy, could I help you
with that.

You are good at it.

Yeah.
Maybe a little too good.

That's why I could
learn from you.

How?

Well, Ricky,
you won't believe this,

but I'm a little different
from most people.

See... See, I was born with
a silver spoon in my mouth.

Everything was always
handed to me, all my life.

I guess I just never...

Never really grew up.

[SIGHS]

A man my age,

old enough
to be your father.

Well, you know
what I mean.

Anyway, I figure maybe I could
help you be more of a kid,

you could help me
be a little less of one.

You sure
you just don't want me

to run
your computers?

No.

I can hire somebody
to do that.

I can hire somebody
to do anything.

I can't hire someone
to be my son.

That's your job
if you want it.

Do you want it?

Son?

You bet, Dad!

[LAUGHS]

Okay, let's blow
this joint!

Oh, ho, ho,
never again.

Ta-da!

Ricky, where are you going?

Home.

Hey, Derek.

[BLOWING A RASPBERRY]

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
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